


Dark Hunters: Remembrance

by Dgray3994



Series: Dark Hunters Series [2]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hellhounds, Hunting, Kissing, Sex, Swearing, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-02-24 15:06:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 250,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13216347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dgray3994/pseuds/Dgray3994
Summary: "Sam", that was the name that I woke up with on my lips, but I could't for the life of me remember who he was, and when I went down to the living room, yeah that was kind of weird because something was missing and Cas was in my kitchen. Not that it was much of an issue, Cas had been at my house since the event in Ohio, but there was just something off today, something not quite right, so why was it our upcoming trip to Maine was pulling me in a different direction. What was it that I was missing, what was it that I couldn't remember?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (previously Dark Hunters) I decided that the Dark Hunters work was getting too big (80 chapters at the last upload for chapter 14) so Remembrance will be it's own doc now, and I will slowly separate God Killer too, making it each it's own book.

Dark Hunters: Remembrance

Copyright 6/2017

Coming through the living room I smiled as I turned into the kitchen and saw Ari laughing as she scooped up the gooey pancake from her plate and took a small bite. Joseph giggled back as he rolled his up and dunked it in the syrup. Almost nine and they were still home? I took a deep breath, turned to the fridge to get the creamer out and looked at the drawing on the whiteboard.  

There in big black letters was a note that read: Just cause you’re on vacation doesn’t mean wake your mother!

But that wasn’t my handwriting, wasn’t Nick’s either and I shook my head, why didn’t I remember writing that? I closed the fridge and went to move towards the counter when I came face to back with a man hovering over the stove, just to the right of the coffee machine.

He was tall, about six-foot, his disheveled black hair seemed to be all over the place as if he had just woken up and when he turned to me with my favorite mug full of liquid gold I watched his blue eyes dance as the smile widened across his face.

“Hey, sweetheart, the kids and I were just making breakfast.” He stated and something about his voice, his tone, even the chipper way he spoke was just off as he handed me the mug. “Thought I’d get you some coffee before I fed you, though these two are going to be on a great sugar high for when their dad comes to get them.”

I stopped dead, held the coffee cup in my hand and stared at him. The only thing my mind was saying that moment was “What the hell”, but there was only one word that came out of my mouth.

“Cas?” I blinked and stood there just a little confused. He looked at me a little concerned before he kissed me on the cheek and went back to flip the pancake. I shook my head trying to figure out the haze I was in and I sat down at the table looking over my 15 and 13-year-old. I cleared my throat, listened to them quiet down and smile at me. “You guys got everything ready?”

“Hey, Ma?” Joseph questioned and I glanced up at Cas, who set a plate in front of me. “While we’re gone are you and Cas gonna stop at that place in New Hampshire, you know the candy store?”

“Do you want something from it?” I laughed and saw his smile grow. “Just make a list. I’m pretty sure we can find some of it at Chutter’s.”

“Can I have some too?” Ari laughed, to which I nodded and suddenly the two of them were bolting for a pen and notebook from my writing desk. 

I looked over the edge of the coffee cup at the man who sat down across from me and I placed my hand on the table. He smiled, but not fully as he reached across and brushed his fingers over the back of my hand. 

“It was rough this morning,” he whispered and I rolled my eyes, nodding. “You haven’t had a morning like this in months. How are you feeling?”

“Confused, a little, I mean,” I glanced around at the house and sighed, but it was more of the shelves that I was staring at, the ones that held everything from the show and I knew that there was something missing. “Nick said I was talking in my sleep.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of what woke me up,” he whispered, as he turned in the direction of the living room where the kids were loudly making a list for candy requests. “You were tossing and turning, something about Sam and Zane again.”

“I don’t get it. Why them?” I sat back in the seat and let out a breath, “I mean Sam I get, we just rewatched all of season 12, but Zane? Who the hell is Zane?”

“Remember what the doctor said, there will be days, and nights, where the whole world will seem messed up, but Ali,” his hand took mine, bringing my eyes instantly to his fingers and the strange feeling that suddenly surrounded it. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

_ I’ll find a way to fix this, I promise. _ The words were there the instant Cas whispered it, but it wasn’t his voice, it was someone else's. Someone with a deep, gruff presence and dark, dark and dangerous and I shivered from it.

“I know we’ve talked about it before,” I licked my lips before I went on, “but I just wish it would go away.  The kids are going to start noticing and it’s been months, Cas, months and still I wake up and I’m not sure this is where I belong, like I’m missing something.”

“It’s the concussion,” he whispered and moved over to take the seat that was right next to me, his hand holding tightly onto mine. “When they leave, if you want, we’ll go over it again. As many times as you need, Ali, just try to take it easy.”

“Okay,” I sighed and stood up, moving away from his touch. There was just something about it, something on the edge of not quite right and I needed to get away. 

Moving into the living room I looked at the bags that sat on the couch. The kids were off again? Looking back towards the writing desk I noticed the calendar and shook my head. September? When the hell did it become September?

Quickly I turned and headed upstairs, changed my clothes and stepped into the bathroom where I rinsed my face with some warm water. Days like this seemed familiar, but at the same time completely alien and I felt like I had missed something important, like maybe a whole year or something like that, something that I should know about.

Dressed, presentable and finally ready for the day I listened as a car pulled up outside the house and the kids began to scramble downstairs. Taking a deep breath, getting ready to face the ex-husband, I made my way to where the kids were grabbing their bags and the four of us, Cas included, walked out the door. I watched as their father looked over the man that stood on the steps behind me, but I tried to ignore the way he stared as I hugged both of them and gave each a kiss.

“Okay, be good, you have my cell. Call me if you need anything, or call Cas, you have his number in there too, right?” I questioned Joseph as I looked up at him and the 15-year-old nodded. “Most of all, have a great time. It’s not often you get to spend two weeks at Disney World.”

“Love you,” Joseph laughed as he hugged me and I wrapped my arms around him, before turning to Ari, whose hair was, as always, in her face.

“Love you, baby, let me know how the flight goes.” I smiled and kissed her forehead.

“Bye.” She mumbled, her way of saying _ I love you _ as she squeezed me tight. 

“You remember the song I taught you to hum when you get nervous.”

“Yeah, I remember,” she smiled and got into the car, both waved to me as their Dad stepped close. 

“You have everything they need in the bag, his stuff is in the front pocket of the blue bag with the medical cards.” I shrugged, wondering what he was hanging out for, but he looked me over and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Are you having an off day?” he questioned.

“Is it written on my face or something?” I retorted.

“No, you just look a little pale,” he answered before he looked up at Cas. “See you later, Jim.”

“Yeah, have a safe flight,” Cas replied and I looked at him when he answered to the name of “Jim”, but Cas just winked.

My ex looked at me one more time, gave me a quick pat on the shoulder and got in the car. I blew kisses to the kids as he backed out and took off down the street. With a deep breath I turned and moved back to the house where I stopped at the door and looked up at the man before me.

“I think we do need to go over it again.” I nodded and watched as he gave me a slight smile, reached out with his hand and placed it on the back of my neck, before he kissed me on the forehead and ushered me inside.

That little kiss, that little peck on the skin flashed me back to strong arms around me, a large hand on my cheek and a possessive kiss pressed against the top of my head and the scent of cigarettes seemed to float in the air. With a deep breath I took it all in before I found my way to the living room and waited.

Cas brought in my coffee cup, reheated and refilled before placing it on the coffee table. He slowly sank down on the couch beside me. His six-foot frame took more space than my five-foot one, but he did his best to make sure we were eye to eye.

“Okay, where to start?” Cas sighed and blinked a few times before drawing in a deep breath and clearing his throat. “Ali, what’s my name?”

“Really?” I laughed and shook my head, but it took me a moment to recall just what his name was, because “Cas”? Really? After a second of struggling, I remembered what my ex had called him and I smiled. “James Novak.”

“Right,” he grinned, apparently very happy that he had gotten that response from me. “Where did we meet?” but this one drew up a complete blank as I couldn’t think of a time that I  _ didn’t _ know who he was, so I did the honest thing, I shrugged. “Okay, so this one might be a little easier. Why do you call me Cas?”

“It’s a nickname,” I replied, but that was honestly all I had and he smiled, reaching out to brush my hair from my shoulders. “It’s short for…” what the hell was it short for? Crap! But then it just came up, “Casanova.”

“Yeah, that was the first name you called me when we met,” he grinned and I watched the blush rise on his face before his blue eyes connected with mine. They were full of love and compassion, but it wasn’t the kind that I expected, not the kind that would make him the one to wake up on the unmade side of my bed, not the lover who would wrap his arms around me. No, this was a different kind of love, because I had seen the real kind before and it was intense. “So, it kind of stuck, but you shortened it to Cas instead of calling me Jimmy, or Jim.”

“Okay, so that doesn’t explain how we met and why I can’t remember.” Which was really what was frustrating me at the moment. Cas bit down on his bottom lip and he sat back a bit, like he had to get comfortable in order to explain.

“Okay, the best way would probably be to start from the very beginning.” And yep, I so didn’t like the tone of this one.

“Wait, how many times have you told me this?” I questioned, and watched the frown spread across his lips.

“Eight times,” he whispered in response. I stood up at that, placed my hand over my mouth and paced a small circle in the living room before turning back to him, tears clouding my eyes.

“Eight time?” I questioned again and he nodded as I blinked back the emotions, catching my heart. “How many times have the kids heard it?”

“None, Ali,” he reassured me. “We take precautions, we make sure they’re not in the house when we talk about it. You’re a very good mother, Ali, don’t doubt that and no matter what, just know that the doctor said this was normal.”

“Normal?” I laughed, “Cas, everything seems out of place, how is that normal?”

“If I tell you from the beginning, you’ll understand.” He gestured to the seat beside him and slowly I made my way back over, but I tucked my feet under me as I sat facing him. The look in his eyes was one of deep pain and I watched him take in a deep breath. “Do you remember April? Your trip to Oklahoma?”

“Of course, I do.” I whispered and thought about the moments during the trip, but everything seemed blurry, like I was just catching an edge of it. “Wait,” I paused and closed my eyes, “I don’t remember it clearly.”

“Because, Ali, it never happened.” 

I think I stopped breathing. I’m pretty sure that I stopped breathing for at least a few seconds as the words registered in my head and I swallowed back a cry. 

“What?” I asked softly, trying to catch my words. “I clearly remember the rental car, the phone calls with Danni, stopping at the hotel in London…” I rambled but that was when things started to get a little fuzzy, and I stared at him, “Cas, what the hell?”

“Ali, I need you to take a deep breath,” he took hold of my hands, tightening his fingers gently around them as he moved closer, almost cornering me and for some reason, that little movement had my heart racing, my fight or flight rising.

“Cas, you’re scaring me,” I didn’t want to admit it, but the man was making me all sorts of nervous. What was he going to tell me? And was I really prepared to hear it for the ninth time?

“There’s nothing to be scared about, sweetheart, trust me,” and I did, I did trust him, even if the feeling was a little off, a little strange. “Do you? Trust me, I mean?” He must have seen my uncertainty, but I nodded and watched as his body tensed up, ready to let out the story he was holding in. “On the night of April 14 th , approximately 8:43 in the evening, as you pulled out of the hotel parking lot in the vicinity of West Jefferson, Ohio, you turned left to make your way to a Waffle House restaurant. We know this for a fact, because you had checked in with Danni to let her know you were leaving and where you were going, per the rules you had established about checking in. You were driving alone, had just finished the first eleven hours of your trip and according to your text you were ready for dinner. You never made it to the diner.”

“What?” I blinked, I know I did, but what I got was a flash of a man, a rugged man with a bruise on his jaw, a small scar on his cheek, who looked at me as he held up his cup, his green eyes locking on mine. In the next flash I saw another man, taller with darker hair that hung in his face and his blue-green eyes just captured me. I shook it off and focused on Cas, whose brow had furrowed and the grip on my hand tightened. “But I remember…”

And the Impala, no, that wasn’t right, the men, no that couldn’t be… the sound of the engine… 

“They’re not memories, Ali,” he whispered, and the sound of the engine faded into the back of my mind. “As you were going through the light, the Waffle House to the left, a semi came off the ramp, it wasn’t able to stop and you were in its path.”

“Jesus,” I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fill in the blanks, but all I saw was the tall one with the beautiful eyes at the soda machine, the smile on his face when he knocked on my door but it darkened as Cas continued to talk. 

“They Life-Flighted you to Columbus and you were there for a week locked down in a medicated coma until the swelling in your brain went down.” His voice was distant, like in a movie where the narrator was just talking along. “You were in surgery for internal bleeding several times in the next twenty-four hours and they finally had you stabilized sometime around seven the next night.”

All I could see was me sitting at the table at Fred and Reds, of seeing Danni walk into the room, the way she looked around and I watched her come towards me, wrap her arms around me and I sighed, strangely safe in the memory.

“Danni?” I questioned and watched as Cas gave me a little frown before he just shook his head. 

“She came to see you that night, she was there with your family when they were able to let visitors in.” I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes and I shook my head. At least Danni was real in this whole thing, but I couldn’t help but feel something else was missing too. “Her husband passed away later that week, Ali.”

This got my attention as I flashed back to meeting him, sitting across the table from him as we ate dinner and the curious observation of the cats having gone missing. There was something in the way he looked at me, something like he was trying to get a good read on my emotions, my thoughts, but I shrugged it off as we continued to eat.

“What happened next?” I snapped, shaking myself from the strange visions and I took in a deep breath. “Cas, when I woke up, what happened next?”

“You woke up a week later, you were disorientated, you were violent and you were afraid.” At least he was being forthright, which was what I really needed and I stood up again, grabbed the coffee and took a sip. So maybe we had gone over this eight times before, but apparently it didn’t get any easier for him to tell it because I could see the toll it was taking on him. “You were transferred here after a while, when they knew you were stable enough to be moved and you spent a month and a half in rehab.”

“Why?” I questioned and turned to stare at him.

“You needed help,” he whispered and licked his lips. “Your mind was caught in a fantasy world that you created in the coma and you were stuck there. The rehab helped to make you see what was reality and what wasn’t, but you relapsed.”

“So, I woke up insane, got better and suddenly I was insane again?” I laughed and shook out the thoughts. “What were they? The fantasies? What were they?”

“You had convinced yourself that you were saved by Sam and Dean Winchester, that they had protected you through the week from vampires and when you got out, or home, you had sent Sam to keep Danni and Dean safe.” 

“That would explain why he wasn’t here with me if I had loved him so much.” I laughed, but watched the strange expression crossed Cas’ face at my words. He didn’t respond, but his lips tightened as I glared at him. “So, I was trapped in Supernatural, my own little world for a month and a half?”

“In and out, yes.” He replied, but it was blunt like he knew somehow he messed something up. “You were able to function without issue, the kids were taken care of, you even went to work, but sometime around the 13 th of June, you slipped back in.”

“How? Why?” Not sure if he could answer any of it as I paced. “Why would I have needed to go back into a world that I had finally escaped from?”

“We don’t know,” he shrugged and I looked at the wall of collectable items, the pictures, the pop heads and I bit down on my lip. “What we do know is that it wasn’t a pleasant trip. You woke up from it and by woke up I mean you kind of came back to reality a little darker. Whatever you were experiencing changed you just a bit.”

“What about Danni?” I whispered, not prepared for the sadness that filled his eyes, “where is she?”

“After everything that happened that week, your accident, her husband, it was hard for her to keep up, especially when you were stuck in that world.” He took a deep breath as I paused to look out the back patio. “She backed off and after the June incident, she disappeared.”

“What do you mean disappeared?”

“She changed her number, rented out her place and basically became invisible. You can’t find her on social media at all and you’ve tried, Ali, believe me, you’ve tried.”  

I glanced over at the writing desk and shook my head. “And you? How did we meet, since that’s the one thing I can’t seem to remember?”

I watched him take a breath, prepare himself for whatever was going to come next and his voice came out as a soft whisper. “I was the EMT that pulled you from the car.”

“Okay,” I smiled, “let me get this straight. You were an EMT in Ohio that pulled me from a wrecked car and now you’re sleeping in my bed?” I laughed a little and shook my head, “But apparently, I’ve been stuck in an episode of Supernatural for a few months and you’ve had to repeat this same God-awful story to me nine times now? Why are you sticking around?”

“You ask me that every time,” he gave me a growl and suddenly I saw him in a different light. He was in a suit, sitting across from me on a bed as I sat in some grungy motel room. His blue eyes locked on me, a stoic look on his face and I knew I had seen him somewhere else before, but when I twirled around as if searching for something on my walls, some sort of clue, I got nothing.  

“And how do you answer?” I stopped, staring right at him as he rose from the couch and came to me. I stood my ground, but wanting to flinch as my visions flashed between this Cas approaching and the man in my dreams mimicking every move until his hands were on my shoulders.

In my mind, his face was full of determination and I watched his lips move, the one here and the one in my mind and in a raspy voice. I heard him say:  _ stay with Sam and Dean, keep them close, don’t go into this without them. _ I shook off the haze and looked at the man that stood before me with worry.

“Where did you go?” He’s voice full of concern.

“How did you answer?” I repeated, shaking off the vision. Sam and Dean, which Sam and Dean? The Winchesters? Maybe I was insane.

“I couldn’t leave you, in fact, I never left your side.” He replied, which still didn’t give me an answer as to why. “When you were on the ground, when we finally had you out of the car and onto the backboard, you opened your eyes, just for a second but they locked on mine, Ali, and you whispered something that I would never forget. You called me an “angel of the lord”, Ali, an angel. I was just doing my job but that stuck with me and I stuck with you. I couldn’t let you go.”

“And you stayed and what, moved in?” I laughed, letting the feel of his fingers wash over me. Maybe he was an angel, maybe he wasn’t but for some reason, I knew I was safe.

“No, actually, I’m not even living here,” he grinned. “I have an apartment down the road and you gave me your key. I knew the kids were leaving today and you and I have plans to head towards Old Orchard Beach in Maine tomorrow, so I stayed overnight.”

“So, we met at the accident, where did the nickname come from?” I questioned and I watched the grin cross his face. 

“It was a few days before you went home. I asked for a transfer, I moved all my stuff and I met you at the hospital up here. I had visited every day while you were in Ohio. I couldn’t let you be there alone, even with Danni and your parents there.” He shrugged and rubbed my arms, before his fingers found the skin of my neck and he caressed that one spot, his thumbs gliding over it and I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain. Not bad, but as if there might have been a bruise there once. “When I walked in, after you were settled, because they needed to keep you at Wing for a few days before letting you go home, I was holding flowers, you looked up at me and smiled like I had just brought the sun and said…”

“Look at you, Casanova,” I whispered and bit down on my lip. I had remembered, right down to the detail of the flowers and the fact of what happened next. “I started sneezing,” I laughed and looked up into his eyes as I reached up and touched his cheek. “You brought Stargazer Lilies.”

“I didn’t know you were allergic,” he grinned and shook his head.  

I took a deep breath, understood everything that I was told, but there was so much that I didn’t remember, so much that I couldn’t grasp and I stood up on my tiptoes, kissing him softly on the lips, a gesture that got me a strange, little look. A look that I wouldn’t have expected from him, not if we were five months deep into some sort of relationship. It was as if he weren’t expecting it, but just like the other strange look he gave me, I stashed it away in my mind.

“What about my kids?” I whispered, backing down, because a new man and all of this chaos, how were they coping with it?

“Stronger than you’ll ever know.” I closed my eyes as his forehead rested against mine and I let my body relax as he pulled me into an embrace.  

It was strange, the sensation of being held by him, it was as if I were surrounded not just by his arms but by a blanket of warmth and security, something like being folded into the safety of an angel’s wings. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Cas left me alone to finish packing, cleaning the house and preparing for the trip north. Two weeks in Maine sounded like an interesting get away, but I wasn’t sure that after that morning I was ready for any get away. Hell, I couldn’t get away from my own thoughts.  

Looking around the house I wasn’t even sure where to start. So, grabbing the broom I headed towards the living room. The laptop was open, Twitter was on but that was the least of my worries. I had spent more than a few hours searching for Danni to find nothing and no mention of her in any case, not in the group chat we had picked up, not on a timeline. Hell, I even used a few different ways to locate her account and all of it came up the same way… nothing.

Her other social media accounts were gone as well and if it weren’t for the fact that some of the girls had mentioned her a while back, well from what I could find when I searched through the group chat, I would have thought I was hallucinating the whole thing, all the calls, all the video chats, everything. As it was, I myself hadn’t been on in a while. The last thing I had posted was nearly a week ago on the timeline and that had to do with the upcoming premiere of Season 13. 

I tapped on the table twice before I grabbed my cell phone and pulled up Carol’s contact information. I would assume I at least had  _ some _ contact with the woman, but I didn’t get my hopes up. With a deep breath I sent out a text, asking if this was still her phone and within seconds, my ringtone was blaring next to me.

I swiped it up, put it on speaker and swallowed. “Carol?”

“Ali, are you okay?” She questioned quickly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I just thought I would check in,” but I was sure she missed the sigh of relief that escaped my lips.  “Sorry it’s been a while, right?”

“Al, it’s been a week.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, okay so totally not what I was expecting. “You’re having one of those days again, aren’t you?”

“Ah, yeah, I guess,” I slumped back in the chair and rubbed my forehead. “I probably asked you this a million times since June, but, have you heard from Danni?”

“Still radio silence, and it’s okay, you know, to ask me as many times as you need. I know when Jimmy called to tell me how you were that the repetitive questions might happen.” She seemed a little down and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. “So, again, are you okay?”

“A little disoriented but doing okay, I guess,” I tried to smile, “but enough about me, how are you?”

The switch in subject seemed to help the fact that I now felt like a complete ass for going straight to the Danni question but we chatted for about an hour before her husband came home and we said our goodbyes. 

“You know if you need anything, all you need to do is call.” She reassured me and by then I was feeling a little more sane.

“Thanks, Carol. Be good.” 

“Yeah, I’ll try my best.” She laughed. “Love you!”

“Love you too.” I replied and listened to the phone disconnect.  As much as that made me feel better to know I wasn’t completely insane, the fact that Danni was still radio silent, even from Carol, seemed to bother me. I needed to do something, anything to get my mind off of it, and I looked around the room with purpose.

I swept the floor almost robotically, not thinking of anything until I bumped into the barstool that was placed against the sliding door so the cat could look out. It wasn’t the stool that got me but the fact that bumping into that knocked me against the shelves, which in turn knocked the Charlie Pop figure from its spot behind me and it came crashing down on my head.

Grumbling under my breath I picked her up, looked over the vinyl figure with the red hair and earphone and thought back to that introduction of Charlie dancing in the elevator, but what it flashed to made my heart thump as the words matched with the scene I pictured.

_ “We’re done…Dean!  I’m not Charlie, I’m not the little sister you never wanted, I don’t need your protection and I don’t need you up my ass””. I saw him sitting on the grass, slightly downhill from me, the gun I had taken apart sitting between his legs as he rubbed the spot where I had just punched him. “So, don’t follow me, keep Sammy safe, but leave me the hell alone.” _

I shook myself out of the vision, looked down at Charlie one more time and set her back on the shelf, running my fingers down the other two figures she was next to, one of Dean and one of Sam. As I stared at these two, I got nothing. Oddly enough, that was when I started moving things around. Six four-foot sections of my living room wall were built-in cabinets, four of them were stuffed with Supernatural things and It all seemed unorganized. 

I removed, cleaned and put back as much of it as I thought looked good in the space, at least for the first few shelves before I realized why they looked stuffed. They were, with so much more than I realized. I had things behind things that I never knew I had. Cards that people had given me from the hospital, notes of love and well wishes from those girls that had become my family and I had to step back. 

Had this really happened? Had I been in an accident and not remembered it? Cas told me every detail, the cards and stuff should prove it, but I was still shaking my head.

The second shelf, where Charlie had fallen from, consisted of the pops. A good ten of them, but also board games and little homemade things, like vials of “holy water”, matches and salt that you could put on a necklace. Little arts and crafts that I’m not sure I did or the kids had picked up and then there was the black velvet wrapped trinket that I just had to touch.

It was heavy, less than 8 inches long and solid, so when I unwrapped it I wasn’t expecting to be holding a miniature angel blade in my hand. I looked it over, the sides and tip were dull and I smiled at the replica, but the more I twisted it in my hand the more I got this feeling that I was missing something. Looking over the rest of the trinkets and collectables I realized this was the only thing that didn’t add up. 

Crowley, the King of Hell Pop, sat next to Sam, Dean and Bobby, but I swear there was another one that had graced the shelf. The cover to the board game had the same four, but that was what got me, I was looking at a season nine cover. What was I missing? 

I took everything off the shelf, even dug under it to get the book that was there, one that had pictures from every season in it. No matter what I looked at, something was wrong, out of place and I was certain of it, but after three hours of tearing it apart I finally decided I needed to put it back together and try another way.

Frustrated and needing a break I grabbed a water from the fridge and stood back to look at the unholy mess I created, still twirling the blade in my hand. Ghost, one of the small cats that occupied the house with us….wait, who was I kidding, she nearly ran the place, jumped up on the third shelf and I quickly stood to catch whatever it was that she was tempted to knock off, which were all books at the time and just as I reached her, the blade left on the couch, two books hit the floor.

“Ghost!” I growled and pulled her down, like scolding a cat was going to do any good, but still, it was a normal thing to talk to an animal that wouldn’t talk back. Shaking my head as the little terror ran in the opposite direction I bent down to snatch the books from the shelf, one was an old paperback of different lore from around the world and the other was a small leather-bound journal. Just as I scooped the journal of the floor, a small blue SD card popped out and hit my foot.

Okay, not much was unusual about the card except all the ones I owned were black and a specific brand, why? Because I always bought them in bulk. I always found myself needing one and not being able to find the one I had been using so it was grab and go with another. Very last shelves, closest to the kitchen, there were four black ones alone.

Curious as to what was on this one I moved towards the laptop swiping the blade from the couch as I walked by. Glancing at the clock I realized that I had about another hour before Cas came back from his shift at the fire department and that gave me just enough time to clean up and maybe check out what was on this drive.

The computer flashed on, I typed in the password, happy that with everything going on it hadn’t changed and I took a deep breath. Slipping the card in I watched as it read the files before automatically popping up in photos. The first picture there was a mint 1967 Chevy Impala, sitting in front of the Lawrence, Kansas city limit sign.

Okay, maybe not all that weird, I mean, somewhat weird, right? With a shaky hand I hit the next button and my eyes nearly popped out of my head as I stared at what seemed to be the never ending photos of Danni and I. DANNI! Who I had been searching the internet for, who I had been trying to call, who had all but disappeared… who I had NEVER met in person, was standing there with me next to an IMPALA in LAWRENCE! 

My heart raced as I continued to look, past the officers, the ones in blue that gave me the creeps, to the way that I shot the camera, pictures of Danni in the front seat as I sat in the back, as we moved onto the Airport Motel and that was when I stopped.

_ I kind of took some liberties and photographed you and your cowboys over there while you were all near the car.  _ Megan’s voice echoed in my mind as I looked at the photo.  

It was a strange angle, giving me the full profile of me resting against the car with a man who towered over me by a good foot or more. He was looking down at me and I could see the small scar on his left cheek. I couldn’t tell his actual emotion as he did, because his face was full of one thing, but his body, at least his arm, straight down to his toes was pressed against mine.

Across the way was Danni, her arms crossed as she watched whatever conversation was going on between the two of us that stood against the car. Her face also a mix of emotions, but it was the one standing beside her, that dwarfed her in the way of height, that caught my attention. I zoomed into the photo, my heart thumped hard against my ribs, almost causing pain, but I swallowed back the emotions as I reached out a finger to trace of the wisps of hair that came down to cover his eyes as he stood tall and proud.

“Sam,” the word slipped from my mouth and I blinked back the tears as I smiled at the way he looked at me. He was  _ looking _ at  _ me _ ! Suddenly my world seemed to fade, to flow into that vision as I was suddenly standing right in that spot, staring right at that man in living, breathing color.

_ “Okay, so with Megan working on things, I think we should discuss what’s going on next.” I spoke up, clearing my throat as Sam stood to the left of me, his own hands digging deep into his front pockets and while Danni seemed relaxed, she tried to look everywhere but the spot where Dean and I stood connected. No matter what little inch I gave, he stepped closer and I knew I wasn’t getting away. “Stull? thoughts?” _

_ “Bad idea,” Dean spoke up beside me which immediately got Danni’s attention. His voice was deep and authoritative, kind of like the big brother I never wanted and I glanced up at him. “Look, Stull’s reputation aside, that place is bad news for everyone involved. Things tend to follow you home when you even get close to the grounds.”  _

Stull? We were planning on going to Stull? Crap what the hell did I just stumble onto? But then again, this was  _ Dean _ ? The real Dean? And where did the scar come from. Pushing away from the desk I moved over and flipped on the printer, stuffed a few pieces of photo paper in it and went back to the laptop. 

There were other photos. Me chasing Dean, Sam with his hand on my cheek… Sam with his hand anywhere on me… why did that bring up so many more emotions than I thought it was going to?  

Printing as many pictures as I could while flipping through the rest I heard the truck pull up outside and glanced over at the mess I had made. I snatched the SD card from the drive, took the photos out of the printer and slipped those and the angel blade into the drawer. 

I heard the truck door slam shut, another open with a squeak and I was taken back to the way that Dean and Sam had gotten out of the car at Fred and Reds with Danni and I standing under the parking lot light, the doors to the Impala protesting against being opened. 

I shook my head, moved towards the shelves and did my best to look busy when Cas opened the door and stuck his head in.

“Ali?” His voice sang over me as I moved boxes around and I took a deep breath before he stepped into the room. “Hey?” he stated a little shocked. When I turned and looked at him his eyes going over the whole shelf fiasco before me. “Redecorating?”

“Uh, I was looking for something and then I just kinda started changing stuff around,” I searched his face as I said this hoping that I might catch one of those unusual reactions, but he just nodded and placed his backpack down on the couch before he stepped closer to me, his hands reaching out to rest on the curve of my neck.

“You look tired, are you feeling okay?” His voice was full of concern, but his eyes flickered from mine to the shelves behind me and I had to wonder what was going on in his head. “You know when things happen, when what happened this morning happens, sometimes it takes a toll on you.”

“Everything’s been taking a toll lately, Cas,” I replied, gave him a half-grin and slipped past him, letting his hands fall from my face. My thoughts went back on the way Sam’s had felt against mine and I sighed, pivoting to stare at the muscles of his back as he continued to look over the shelves. “Are you home for lunch?”

“Yeah,” he whispered as he came around to me, took my hand in his and lead me to the kitchen where he started to make something to eat as I sat at the table with a fresh brewed mug of coffee in hand.  

As I followed his movements, the way he looked down at the plate on the counter, used both hands to create the sandwich before him, I could almost see him in a tee-shirt and jeans, standing beside Sam, still dwarfed by the taller Winchester, adding ingredients to a bowl as he reached for a jar and a smell hit me, from out of the blue, something so rancid that I felt like I was gagging.

“Ali!” Cas questioned, but in my mind the vision went on. 

“What the hell is that?” 

_ “Troll,” Cas replied and I looked at him as if to say he was insane. _

_ “Troll? Like the Billy Goats Gruff kind of troll?”  _ I replied, but I know, I just know that I said it out loud, because when I was able to focus I saw the man at the counter looking at me.

“Troll?” He laughed, “um, no, it’s vinaigrette.” Cas smiled and sprinkled more on his sandwich before he sighed, sliced it and slowly put the knife down, before walking over to me. I watched as he squatted down and placed his hands on my knees. “Ali, I think this is worse than before. What trolls are you talking about?”

“Nothing, it was just something that I heard somewhere.” I shrugged, trying to play it off but he just shook his head.

“What is it with you Porter women?” He grinned and I looked at him questioningly. “Your daughter is just like you, stubborn and pigheaded.” I smiled at him and thought of Ari. Yep, she certainly was just like her mother. “Listen, when I go back to work, don’t play around with the shelves. We’ll fix them when I get back, just go and rest. I’ve never seen this as bad as it is this time.”

“It’s not bad, Cas, they’re just memories, or visions,” I whispered and reached out, brushing his cheek. “I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll just write them down. I mean, it usually helps to get rid of things if I write it down.”

“It does?” The look on his face made me question my own response, but I know that there was no way THAT part of me was gone. I gave him a little smirk, wondering what exactly he meant by it and shook my head. “I hardly ever see you writing.”

“Well, it used to. I mean, I used to keep a journal of stuff somewhere around here. I just have to remember where.” I laughed, “You know, secret hiding spot, so secret that you can’t find it yourself. Safest way to keep things safe.”

“Okay,” he smiled and went to stand, catching me on the forehead with a kiss and why did that still feel so weird. Cas kissing me at all, touching me like that, it just felt, I don’t know… off, like it really wasn’t his thing but he was trying too hard.

Cas moved over to sit next to me at the table and started chowing down on the sandwich. I couldn’t help but smile because he just reminded me of someone, at a Chinese place, plate full and digging in like someone was going to steal it. With that scene came another one, of “Sam” and a plate before him, reluctant to eat as he looked around and I could feel my hand rest on his thigh, giving him just the right encouragement to go ahead and dig in before his blue-green eyes smiled.

“There has to be a different way to get ahold of Danni,” I whispered and let the feel of her arms around me when we were standing at the dinner in Joplin surround me. I missed her, I missed the text conversations, the phone calls and I realized that I didn’t even know where my phone was. “Cas,” I whispered, checking around the table, “where’s my phone?”

“Your cell?” He replied, which of course was a stupid question because, duh, I knew where the house phone was. He looked around the room, then back at me confused as his brows came together. “You didn’t bring it down with you?”

“Is there ever a time that I wouldn’t bring my phone down with me?” I laughed and watched him get up from the table. “Cas, sit down and eat, you don’t have to go looking for it.”

“It’s okay,” he replied back after flying up the stairs. I looked at his sandwich, caught a whiff of the vinaigrette and sat back, pushing the plate further away.

“Ugh, troll!” I growled and watched as he came back down, the phone in hand. “Where did you find it?”

“Fell between the bed and the nightstand but you turned it off and I mean completely off when the 5:30 alarm went off this morning.” He laughed, handing it to me. I smiled, taking it from him as I pushed the power on button. “As for Danni, I don’t know, I think you just about tried everything that you could to track down where she was. I mean, the last I heard, she doesn’t stay in places very long. She’s traveling with a clinic.”

“A clinic?” I questioned, which threw me off because the first thought I had about her and anything to do with knives was her swinging a machete at the head of a vampire. “So she’s a traveling Vet Tech now, cool.”

“You’ll find her.” His hand came down on mine and he rubbed the back of my hand with his fingers, trying to be reassuring, “It will just take time and she’ll come around, but Angel, you have to get these vision under control. Maybe we should go see Doug today.”

“Who?” I whispered and the frown was on his lips in an instant. “Oh, sorry, Doug,” I had no clue as to who he was. “I’ll, ah give him a call when you’re all set with lunch. I’m sure he can fit me in today and then I’ll call Nick and have him bring my car home.”

“Yeah, I thought he was going to jump his Jeep and swap cars,” Cas shrugged, finished his sandwich, washed his hands and grabbed his bag before leaning down to kiss me.

“Dude, don’t think about kissing me when you smell like troll.” I laughed and watched him smirk before he landed one on my forehead and quickly disappeared out the door, not a single hint of a goodbye. My nose crinkled at the smell of the stupid dressing and I rushed upstairs to wash my forehead, hoping to get rid of it.

~~~~~

Nick came home shortly after Cas left, jumping his Jeep and exchanging keys before he was out the door again, but that left me with the shelf task and myself. Taking a moment to stand in the middle of the living room, completely ignoring the mess, I looked down the hallway towards the front door. 

Would it be weird to say that house felt like it was boxed in? Sealed? Because that was exactly what it felt like and I watched the steps through the large, open, glass door. I should go outside, should step out into the beautiful fall air and just enjoy it, but for some reason the thought of going past that door made me shake.

It was just a door, right? Nothing fantastic about it, nothing unusual, but as I stared, as the sun reflected off the windshield of the HHR right into the door, I squinted my eyes. The light danced along the walls, giving off the impression that there was something in the paint, something on the walls that you couldn’t see unless it hit it just right.  

I moved past the kitchen, placing the coffee cup down as I stopped just past the opening to the room and watched the sunlight tickle the spot just above the light switch. With a shaky hand I moved, watching my finger trace the outline of the paint that was just a little bit different than the color of the wall.

As I traced it several times, over and over in the same direction, I licked the dryness from my lips, because suddenly I was nervous... suddenly, I wasn’t so sure that I was really seeing what I thought I was. The symbol was now almost fully visible to me, like I could see the outline of it without any problem. It was Eihwaz, a rune of defense and protection. What the hell was it doing on my wall and how the hell did I know that?

I turned to the other side moving the door out of the way, but just as I did the refraction of light through the prism glass in the door made other symbols start to shimmer. I swallowed hard, blinked a few times and shook my head. 

“What the hell?” This wasn’t a vision and I wasn’t seeing these things. They were truly there, but to the naked eye, without the help of the light that seemed to bounce off from the sun, no one would have ever noticed that they were there. 

Not unless… 

I raced up to Joseph’s room and rummaged through his closest. The boy had gone through a phase of wanting to be a CSI so he had everything, fingerprint kits, camera, flashes and most of all, a black light. Pulling it from where it was stashed in the long-forgotten spot in the corner of the shelf I flipped it on and hoped that the batteries still worked. The room lit up like a blue Christmas tree and I smiled.

Moving back down to the hallway I found the only problem with the black light was that there was no way it was going to work with the sun shining through. Placing it on the table I grabbed the tape and a roll of shop towels, because you know every mother loves a kid who brings home reusable, disposable, thick blue shop towels. I lined the glass with it, taped them up, like I was getting ready to paint, sealing out the light and suddenly I was standing in the darkness, proud of my own work.

I closed the door to the second bathroom keeping out just about everything and took a deep breath. Clicking on the light right next to my leg I slowly brought it up to the wall where I had seen the first symbol and took in a deep breath. That breath was quickly caught as the wall lit up with every kind of rune and protection spell known to man. What was worse is that I could pick out each one and name it.

My heart raced as I swept the thing down the hall, even over the door to the basement which made me stop and look at it. There were three symbols painted there, a Men of letters Aquarian star, the anti-possession symbol from Supernatural and the last one, the one that made me shake was a circle with what looked like an “A” inside of it and the number three in Roman numerals below. I reached out and traced it with my fingers, shaking as I did so, before I backed away and shook my head, continuing down around to the closest. Nothing there, which struck me as odd but as I swept past the kitchen, I came to the symbols that were hiding behind the door

Symbols of protection for my children, even the largest one stood out, a pagan one that I knew from somewhere else but I couldn’t place it. My head spun as the vision came to me, a woman with bright red eyes, bending over to look at me and she smiled,  _ smiled _ ! 

_ No harm shall come to you from this night forward.  _ I rubbed my head, felt myself step back as I tried to catch my breath, the tears running down my face, as everything seemed to rush at me. Memories from my childhood, of my grandmother, of… of a freaking vampire? Really? 

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, tried as hard as I could to see the screen as I wiped away the tears and shook my head. I fumbled to find the number. Was it listed under Cas, or Jim, was it really his number or what the hell was going on?

Finally, I gave up. I put my head back against the wall and tossed the phone on the floor. The contacts in the phone were scarce, barely anyone but family and Cas and that in itself wasn’t right. As I sat there, trying to catch my breath, my heart and my emotions I opened my eyes to look up where the black light still shined on the ceiling.

There, above the door, right as you walked in, painted in white and shimmering like every other symbol in the room was a pentacle. A star encased in a circle with five symbols, one drawn into each space. Enochian symbols and even that little bit of information, that small piece of knowledge got me nothing but a flutter of my heart. How the hell did I know Enochian? Wait, what was Enochian to begin with and what the hell was going on here?

But then I got it, after staring at it for what felt like forever, I knew just what the hell was painted on my ceiling, what the things were that were on my doors and walls and either I was going bat shit crazy like Cas was hinting at, or…

“No… freaking… way!” I whispered, my eyes locked on the Devil’s Trap that protected my home. 

It was real!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It took longer than I liked for the feeling in my chest to calm down, the tightness to go away, but as I stared up at that devil’s trap… freaking A! It was called a devil’s trap! As I stared up at it I couldn’t help but think back, because I would be damned if these things were just products of my imagination now, these were memories.

_ “Sam,” I smiled, “te rogamus, audi nos.” _

_ “You’re right,” he said and let his shoulders relax as he held his hand out for the gun, “you’re Latin is just as good as you’re Enochian.” I narrowed my eyes at him and gave a little shake before I placed the grip in his palm. _

_ “How do you even know what my Enochian sounds like?” I grumbled as a tight smile formed across his lips. _

_ “Well, you said you know it as well as you know your Latin and honestly, it could use some work.” _

One, where the hell did I get a gun and two, that man was beautiful, why couldn’t I remember more about him. All I kept getting was that I could see the love in his eyes, definitely more love than Cas had in his for as long as we apparently had been together, and the way he smiled at me, the way he gave just that little bit of a grin as I spoke to him. Yeah there was something about Sam that I needed, something that I needed very badly.

The only other thing was, this particular vision didn’t tell me what the hell I was talking about, but apparently I knew Enochian as well as I knew Latin and right at the moment I didn’t know that either.  Collecting myself I finally moved away from the wall and turned off the black light, but the symbols on my basement door made me curious once again.  

Grabbing the phone, the light and a soda from the fridge I made my way down, popping the lights on as I went. The basement was just like any other, open space for most of it and a closed in room without a door tucked in the corner. I let my feet take me to where I needed to go, because apparently it knew better than I did what was going on and I found myself stopping just in front of the doorsill.

In my head I could see it happening, reaching out with a hand, touching a spot on the door and triggering the lock as I smiled. Yeah, this wasn’t always open.  

When I stepped inside, one foot over the threshold, what I saw with my eyes didn’t match the image in my head. What was in there was a couch, a large screen tv, a coffee table, the pool table and a dart board. What was in my head was a folding table, four chairs, nowhere near sturdy enough to be part of anything rough and tumble, a small counter with a coffee pot and a small fridge on it. What got me however were the walls. Where in reality it was covered with gaming posters, movie posters and holes where the darts had missed, in my memories, it was three walls of research, a family tree and lines of yarn, like the police use to connect it all.  

When I looked up, when I focused on the back wall, I saw Cas’ back to me dressed in a white button down and dark blue pants. He turned to look at me, loosening his tie as he went and I saw that look on his face, a look I knew oh so well, but that was completely different from the one that was just upstairs with me. This Cas, the one in my memories was without a doubt very real and he looked up at me, a stoic look on his face, before his blue eyes settled on me.

_ “You realize that Sam is right upstairs, right?” I questioned, stepping up to him. We couldn’t have been more than two feet apart, keeping our voices low as he looked down at me with hardened blue eyes, an angry look on his face. “And what the hell, Cas, you let them go to Virginia?” _

Virginia? What the hell was in Virginia and in my dream the man moved away, silently. The vision of the blue-eyed man faded and I began to see the room in another light, another memory as I took in a deep breath and let that one step be my guide.

As I moved through the room, both there and in my head, I could make out every piece of paper, everything that was written and posted on the wall and I followed it all the way around until I came to the end where there was a picture of Danni and I, together at the Impala, standing right at her front bumper, smiling like the little shits we were, but that wasn’t all, everything that was on there came down to one thing.

A bloodline!

According to everything I looked at Danni and I were related. Our lineage went back hundreds of years and came full circle somewhere in the past five generations, but my children weren’t part of it, they weren’t apart of anything going on.

When I turned I saw Danni standing there, looking me over and then I saw the man again, just to her right and the voice, my voice spoke up as I looked back at my sister in wonder _ , “you called Cas?” _

_ “He was the fastest means of transportation and I think he’s going to be a great help,” she shrugged and looked over at him. My eyes landed on the angel, who had pulled out a seat and was looking up at us as innocent as possible.  _

Angel? My thoughts had called him an angel? Cas… Castiel? Holy Hell, his name was Castiel and he was an angel!

My feet did the running for me, wanting nothing more to get up from the basement but that was when I hit the mess in the living room and my heart did flops, freaking flip flops as I looked over the mess that was there. I knew what was missing! I knew the one thing that was off about the whole total disaster of a job.

“Cas,” I whispered and sat down on the couch. 

Images flew at me, voices in my head telling me to swing, swing hard, to not leave the Winchesters, to keep fighting, don’t give in. These were the voices I had been hearing for the last few months, since before I left for Oklahoma the first time and this was the one that I knew now. He was in and out of my home, he was eating lunch at my table. He was cooking breakfast with my kids and he was a freaking  _ angel _ ?

~~~~~

Nick had come home for about an hour after work, just enough time to grab his stuff and pack up for a few days at his girlfriend’s house. Knowing that Cas and I were headed to Maine he had made plans to spend some of the two weeks with her and some of it at home, in between shifts at the garage. I was proud of him and he was happy that I finally had someone in my life that was helping me with something, anything. That was why I didn’t tell him anything about what I had  _ remembered _ , because yes I was sure they were memories now, but I did have one question.

“Hey, Nicky?” I whispered as I stood in his doorway, watching him stuff some clean clothes into a duffel and he looked up at me with a smile. “What happened to the door on the rec room in the basement?”

“Huh?” He questioned, confused and stood up straight as he pondered over it for a minute before he shrugged. “I don’t remember there ever being a door on the basement room.” 

“How long has it been there?” Nick’s eyes narrowed as he searched my face.

“Are you having flashbacks again, Mom?” His voice was steady and it made me think that maybe he had been present for more than one of my meltdowns. I kind of gave him a shrug, not sure that I wanted to really answer him, but I saw the look on his face and he gave me a little smile as if these were questions that he had heard several times before. “Um, we put it up right after you got home from Ohio. Jim thought that with you being in the living room more that it would be better if we were in the basement instead of up there with you, kind of like a place to go so you could have some peace.”

“Wow, did you guys build it?” I grinned as I sat down and watched him stuff toiletries in the bag, but he stopped and looked at me. 

“No, it was already done by the time we got back home.” He seemed puzzled by the sudden thought of not knowing who built the room and I nodded. “So why are you curious about the room? You’ve never asked about it before.”

“I went down there today and I noticed behind your posters that there were a lot of tack holes in the wall, thought it might have been that you guys just redecorated a lot of times.” I smiled and he reached out to take my hand. “Don’t worry, Bud, I’m okay, just having an off day.”

“I’m not sure that you and Jim should leave if that’s the case. What if something happens in Maine and your doctor isn’t available?” I could see the concern and it was almost heartbreaking. I turned to him on the bed, took both of his hands in mine and took a deep breath.

“Listen, Nick, I’m going to be fine, please don’t worry,” I begged, touching his cheek gently. “Actually, I’m looking forward to getting away and spending time with Cas. I’ll be a phone call away if you need me.”

“I know you will, it’s just…” he paused and then smiled, keeping the rest of the sentence to himself. “Have a great time, okay, have a blast. Go on ghost hunts and walk through the cemeteries like you used to. I wanna see you back on your feet, I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Bud, and I’ll be back to normal soon, I swear.” I stood and kissed him on the forehead before I moved out to the door, but I stopped and turned to him, watching him sit on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees and suddenly he reminded me of Dean. “Hey, I got a really weird one for you, Supernatural trivia time.”

“Okay,” he smiled and sat up, “go for it.”

“What season did Castiel make an appearance on the show?” I watched his face drop, but his eyes told me he was trying to remember.

“Castiel?” The name rolled off his tongue as if it were something foreign and he shook his head. “Was he a demon?”

“Nope, an angel.” And that was when it happened, Nick just shrugged.

“Mom, they’ve never had angels on the show before.” He said softly and I pretended to be shocked. “Where did you get the name from?”

“Someone in the chat had asked the same question, which episode, I thought maybe I was misreading it, but I guess I wasn’t.” I played it off the best I could. “I told her the same thing, that I was pretty sure there were no angels on the show. Anyway, smartass, go finish getting ready. I have a living room to clean up before we leave in the morning.”

“Love you,” he whispered and I winked at him.

“Love you too. Make sure to interrupt before you leave,” I tapped the door twice and walked out of the room, heading down towards the living room where I had stashed the angel blade. Holding the miniature replica in my hand I took a deep breath and glanced over the pop figures on the corner shelf. It made sense now why something was missing, why there seemed to be one character shy, because if Sam and Dean were real and Cas had been standing in my living room earlier, there was no way he wanted me to know exactly who he resembled. “Castiel.” 

~~~~~

When Cas came home I was sitting on the couch. The wall had been put back together and all the memorabilia were in place, but I was seeing it differently and was twirling the angel blade in my hand. He walked in with a smile, one that seemed off now that I knew who the hell I was looking at and listened as he set his bag on the steps to the second floor before stepping into the room.

“Hey,” he whispered as he kissed me on the forehead, but the instant he saw the chrome plated thing in my hand he slowly sank down into the recliner across from me, his face filled with worry.  “What do… what do ya got there?”

“An angel blade.” I replied, looking down at it and took a deep breath.

“An angel… what’s an angel blade?”  He asked softly, but I could see the acknowledgement in the way that he looked at it. “Ali, where did you get that?”

“You told me that I made this stuff up,” I sighed and shook my head. “You said I dreamed up everything from the moment the truck hit me in Ohio, but there are things that don’t make sense, things that don’t add up, I mean right here in this house.”

“What things?” he sat forwards in his seat, took a deep breath and stared at me.

“Not going to tell you,” I moved to meet him, to close the distance which wasn’t much, but he was definitely now eye-level to me. “Tell me the truth, Cas. What happened, why can’t I remember everything?”

“Because you were hit by a semi that was coming off the ramp at fifty miles an hour, Ali, we had to get the jaws of life to cut you from the car, you had to be airlifted to the nearest trauma center. You don’t remember everything, because you were unconscious.” He was trying to make a point, trying really hard, but that was when I saw it.  _ Jim _ faded from existence, and  _ Cas _ … no not Cas,  _ Castiel _ , remained. His voice got lower, gravelly almost, as if he had been using it for too long. His eyes took on this way about them that made the world turn black and white and he stared at me, unblinking. “You don’t seem to understand what you’re doing.”

“I know perfectly well what I’m doing, Castiel!” I snapped and watched as he sat back from the name. That was it, that little movement on his part told me it all. I was right. “What the hell is going on?”

“Ali, this is dangerous.” he said softly as if there might be someone around listening and I watched as he seemed to search the house, but there was no one inside and he knew it. “It’s been months, but we’re still surrounded.”

“By what?” I stood up and moved over to the shelf, grabbing the small leather-bound journal from it, the one that had spit out the first of my clues, before I tossed it at him. “By everything in there?”

“What’s this?” He sighed softly and unwrapped the cord that kept it shut. I watched his eyes as he flipped through it, looked at the pictures, took in the writing and his lips grew tight as he frowned. The journal,  _ my _ journal was open to a page with the devil’s trap drawing on it and Enochian writing in thick black pen. “Where did you get this?”

“Right on the shelf,” I whispered and sat down, “with other stuff that I think you hid for me to find, stuff from the other  _ eight _ times you tried to convince me that this,” and I tapped the book, “wasn’t real.”

“I could explain, but the ramifications of you knowing, Ali, those could be catastrophic,” he took a breath and closed the journal, wrapping it with the cord before he handed it back to me. “But, I’m going to assume that if you know this much, you know most of what happened.”

Honestly, I didn’t know much about anything except that Danni was gone, Sam and Dean were real, that I had spent a week in April running from a vampire and that something really bad had happened in Virginia the week of my “second” relapse into the supernatural world.

“Why don’t you explain them anyway?” I whispered and he looked at me, just looked with no expression. “Don’t go kicking yourself in the ass, Cas, just because I remembered doesn’t mean you failed in whatever little mission you set out to accomplish.”

“Unfortunately it does,” he stood from the chair and began to pace the living room. I watched as he stripped off the light shirt he was wearing, getting rid of the EMT work shirt for the town as he placed it over the chair and I was suddenly taken back to the room where he had been loosening his tie. “If you remember, that means the mission you put me on has failed.”

“I put you on?” I whispered, which made him stop.

“You don’t remember all of it yet, do you?”

“I remember enough, Cas,” I stood and made my way to the open sliding door letting the breeze wash over me through the screen as I stared out into the woods behind my fenced in yard.

“No,” he gave me this ominous look, “you obviously don’t or you would do the same thing you did the last eight times. You would make me erase it again, start the day over, forget that we ever had this conversation.”

“That isn’t going to to happen,” I laughed and watched his eye got to the book in my hand.

“I don’t believe it will this time, too many variables have changed.” He looked up into my eyes and waited for me to say something, anything.

“I need to find Danni,” I whispered and he nodded. “I need to find Sam and Dean.”

“They won’t remember you.” he stated pointedly.

“Of course they won’t, because if I never made it to the Waffle House. It means that Sam never made it to me, which means Dean never had to protect me, which in turn means Danni went through everything alone.” I answered, getting angry at myself, because if I truly caused this to happen, than I was the one that pushed Danni away in the very beginning. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have to find them.”

“What would you gain by finding Sam and Dean again, having to explain this?” He looked around the room. 

“So they really are back to square one? No clue about the show, no clue that someone else is living their life on television?” I laughed and flashed back to the part where Dean was staring at Danni’s tablet, watching a con video before I snatched it away from him. “They really don’t need to know that part again.”

“They really don’t need to know you again.” Cas growled and suddenly I got the sense that there was something missing, that he was being overly protective about one particular aspect of everything.

“You never confronted them, did you?” His eyes went to the floor before he looked back at me and his brows creased in anger. “In this screwed up timeline, Dean is still pissed at you for Charlie and you haven’t gone back to them. Cas, John’s dead! Go make amends.” I had said it! I had said it out loud and I felt my stomach drop, suddenly looking at him in shock. Cas’ lips parted, he let out a breath as he looked anywhere but at me and I shook my head. “That’s why you’re here with me? Because John’s dead and you don’t have to watch over him anymore, because the demon is gone, because…” I paused, watching the acknowledgement creep up on his face. “Because I killed him.”

Not only were his eyes locked on mine, but his hands were on my shoulders before I could blink and he was staring me down with love and concern as I shook my head and the memories flooded in.

_ “Let me go, Ali,” he whispered and I could feel the tug at my heart, closing my eyes tightly to let it all sink in. “I just want to sleep.” _

_ I opened my eyes, fingers wrapped around the mimosa/cedar handle of the blade and blinked back the tears. John gave me a slight smile, moved his hand to rest behind my neck and kissed me tenderly on the forehead.   _

_ I heard him slowly let out a breath as if relief had finally come to him and with that I thrust it forward. My breath caught as the blade slipped easily through clothing, flesh and past bone, lodging deep in his heart and I could hear John gasps.  _

Shaking myself from the memory I closed my eyes, blocked out the memories and let my mind fill with a void that silenced the voices. When I finally could breathe again I looked at Cas and shook my head, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Are you sure you’ll want to be near them when they remember that part?” Cas questioned which made me look at him in anger. He was jealous, if an angel could get that way, but was he jealous because of what I wanted to do, which was chase Sam and Dean or was he jealous because he knew they would understand what I had to do more than they understood him leaving Charlie?

“Sam and Dean won’t hurt me.” I reassured him and watched the small smile on his face.

“Don’t be so sure, Ali,” Cas snapped and I could almost see Jimmy coming through again. “This is not your Sam and Dean, not the ones you remember. In their minds you’ve never met. Five months have past and things have happened. Their father died. What could you possibly tell them that would make them understand that you are not a threat, that you are someone they loved.”

“That’s it, isn’t Cas?” I smiled and shook my head. “That’s the real reason you don’t want me to go, because you know I could make them remember… everything and it hurts you to think that maybe, just maybe, Dean wouldn’t be as pissed at me and Sam would welcome me back with open arms. Well, guess what, as much as I want to find those boys, I have to find Danni too! If you think this hasn’t been a cakewalk for them, imagine what she’s going through.”

Cas didn’t say anything, in fact, I was kind of glad his mouth stayed shut, because I was liable to punch him if he even mumbled something under his breath. Was I thankful that he had taken care of me these last few months, hell yes, but to find out through a promise that I made him keep that he had erased all of this eight different times, and for what end. Was there really something catastrophic going to happen if he had to change the memories of four people?

I walked over and placed my hand on his arm, looking up into the blue eyes that stared me down. “I have to find Danni, Cas. If this is something that she truly believes is real, then she’s been living it for so long without anyone, without Wayne. I have to find her. I owe her that much. She needs to know she’s not alone.”

“Fine,” he answered, and that was it. He didn’t say anything else, he didn’t reply to anything else, he just stared. 

“One more thing,” I whispered before I stepped back. “Where’s my bag?”

~~~~~

Cas pulled his pick-up in front of the two-story, rundown building and I smiled. This I remembered, but I didn’t know why it was such a strong presence in my head until I found myself standing on the sidewalk before it. The Ware Gun Shop still needed a good paint job, it still had that stupid plywood sign that needed to be updated, but I could feel the energy coming off from it. I could see the way that it seemed to stand out. Definitely a place full of magic.

Taking a breath I glanced at Cas, who was now in jeans and a tee-shirt, a light black jacket over the top of it and a scowl on his face. I grinned, flashed a vision of Sam standing there looking at it with trepidation and that in itself almost made me laugh. I looked for cars, before grabbing the angel by the sleeve and we crossed the street up to the front door.

The bell dinged, letting the man inside know we were there and suddenly I watched as he stepped behind the counter. A bearded man with thin wired glasses and a biker vest over his dingy white tee-shirt stepped out from behind a curtain that covered the back room and suddenly he stopped. I watched his eyes grow wide as he looked at me, then up at Cas before he cleared his throat.

“Can I, ah, help you, young lady?” His gruff voice was just as I remembered and I couldn’t shake the smile that crossed my lips. 

I stepped up to the counter, placed my arms on the glass, crossing them in front of me and I just continued to grin at him because I knew how much he hated it. He moved over to stand directly across from me, he clicked his tongue and shook his head. 

“You look a little short to be a hunter,” he whispered softly and then winked before he looked up at Cas once more. “I thought you said last time was going to be the last time your feathered ass stepped foot in my shop, Castiel.”

“Things didn’t go as planned.” Cas replied from out of sight as he ventured around the shop.

“Uh-huh,” Jones sighed, locking his sights on me. “Hey, Angel.”

“Hey, Jones,” I sighed, why was he so easy to remember? Why did I care? He came around the counter and embraced me in such a bear hug that I just wanted to melt into him. Old enough to be my father he was certainly the protector and I loved him for it, but there was something specific that I came here for and I needed to know about it. 

“Well, it ain’t Sunday and you ain’t off to church so, what brings you in?”

“My bag,” I smiled, stepping back from him as his eyes filled with worry, a look that he shot in Cas’ direction but let it fall back on me. “I know, it’s different this time.”

“You’ve never asked for the bag, Ali,” he replied, making his way behind the counter as he released me. “Cas, what’s going on?”

“I believe that the spell has worn off,” Cas replied as he stepped up to the counter.

“It’s freaking Enochian! How the hell does Angel mojo wear off?” I turned to Cas, wanting to ask the same question, but the angel rolled his eyes, stuffed his hands in the pocket of his coat and shook his head. Jones gave him a sour look as if he was majorly disappointed that he had to do this  _ again _ , but he took my hand and kissed the back of it before he released me and looked over at the angel. “Lock the door, put up the sign, this might take all afternoon.”

~~~~~

The backroom was just like any other backroom that you could think of, but the guns and ammo that graced the shelves back there were protected by lit, tempered glass cabinets, all with special locks that only Jones had access to. That however, wasn’t what we were back there for.

Moving slightly past the last shelf on the left Jones reached out and pushed on the fake wall letting the panel pop open to reveal a set of stairs that lead into the darkness. Glancing at me he gave me a wink before heading down, with Cas following closely behind me. 

It was just like a normal basement filled with smells that you wished you never stumbled on again, but this one also had a small spot for indoor growing and it wasn’t pot that he was cultivating. This man had every herb known to man that he could get his hands on growing in that basement. He also had shelves of dried and jarred items that I didn’t care to know about as we walked past to the back of the room where a newly erected wall stood. 

He glanced back to make sure we were all on the same page and he reached out, drew a familiar symbol on the wall and pressed with his thumb. The wall clicked again and a small door opened, one that you would have never known was there if he hadn’t triggered the release. I took a deep breath, looked around the doorsill at the runes burned into the wood and slowly stepped through.

The lights were on a timer, set to automatically turn on when someone entered the room. When I stopped beside Jones everything was lit up and I caught my breath as I swallowed hard, because on the wall the spanned the entire length of the back of the basement was every piece of research that had graced my own little secret room. Everything was there and in order, exactly like I remembered it.

“Cas called me ahead of time, before the solstice, and I removed everything. Anything that would remind you of him, of your life, of your research with the Winchesters.” He whispered as I stepped forward, moving slowly as I took in the fact that even all of the paraphernalia from Supernatural that had to do with Cas was lovingly placed on a shelf and I turned back, staring at them with unasked questions, but I watched Jones take an emotional breath. “Welcome home.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I stared in disbelief of everything that I was looking at, right down to the last piece of paper that I remember from my visions. A simple piece of old parchment that described two blades, two very unique and powerful ones that only Danni and I could use. That much I knew was true, but it was the symbol at the bottom of the page that made me look back at that door.

An “A” with a circle around it and the roman numeral for 3 at the bottom of the letter, a powerful blood magic that had sealed away this room and I unconsciously found myself rubbing the palm of my hand, just under my right thumb. It was then that I noticed the feeling of a small ball deep in the meat of it, and the harder I pressed, the warmer it got.

I shook my hand and moved towards the wall, just taking it all in before I turned to Cas. “What the hell did I make you do?”

“Listen, Angel, don’t kick yourself, there really wasn’t any other way,” Jones spoke up, coming at me with raised hands as Cas stared at me with just the stoic look I was beginning to remember again, but I wasn’t paying any mind to the man, just the feathered one before me. “Cas was just doing what he was told and honestly, it was the best… the only way to stop things.”

“By making me forget?” I snapped, finally getting to my breaking point and I turned to him, fuming. “You made Dean, Sam and Danni forget everything! ME! You made the boys forget me! How is that for the best? And Danni, how is her being alone in all of this better or the only way! She should have at least had Dean.”

“But without you, they wouldn’t have met.” Cas spoke up.

“That’s bull crap and you know it, Cas!” I snapped and took a deep breath.“The universe has a way of making things come around, right, like how you intervened with the vampire. Sam had a vision and I was supposed to die that night, but I didn’t because you were there in my head and he was there in my room! Intervention, the universe and all that crap! Dean could still have been there for Danni through all of this.” I paused for a second, thinking about Danni and everything I knew to be true and all that had happened in her mind. “Tell me he didn’t still die because he was a demon!” but the look in Cas’ eyes told me everything. “He was still possessed because they were still after her.”

“Yes, but for a different purpose.” Cas whispered.

“A different purpose?” I laughed and walked straight up to him. Pulling back my anger did nothing for him and I swung, slapping him hard across the face. “Different purpose or not, Castiel, you should have done something to stop it! You knew, you had all the information and Danni needed you. What happened to her being the light, the one that you answered to? The one  _ she _ called on?”

“Ali, I…” Cas started and I watched his hands clench.

“I swear to God, if you say you had to put me first, I will cut off your wings and tie you to a flagpole.” I growled and watched his eyes. Okay, so it wasn’t much of a threat, but what the hell can you threaten an angel with? “Danni shouldn’t have had to do that, not to Wayne. We knew Juliette was there before I even left on Friday, all the signs were there. Wayne was possessed by the time I left that morning, way before my “accident”, Cas, in plenty of time to stop something, anything from happening.”

“Ali, please,” Jones whispered and I looked at him shaking my head. 

“I’m done,” I replied, knowing what he was going to say next. “I’m done arguing the fact because I know more than ever what I need to do, catastrophic ramifications be damned!” I turned my eyes back to Cas. “I need to find my sister.”

“Then you might need this,” Jones whispered as he pulled the tan backpack from the corner and set it on the table in the middle of the room. 

Unzipping it, he flipped it open to reveal everything inside and as I stepped up to it the only thing I reached for was the handle of the spectrum blade that sat locked tightly in its spot. With a shaky breath I pulled it from the sheath and looked it over, taking in the way the light reflected off the blade and I smiled, feeling the power that flowed through it.

“Well, hello badass!” I said softly.

Visions hit me just as I twirled it in my hand, ones of swinging it through, feeling it connect with the vampire before me as I stood shocked to see my first one in decades. The way the dull, orange shine from the backlot spot light hit it when I took on three more that attacked at a rest stop between Joplin and Danni’s house. Everything that had ever happened with the blade came back at me like wave and suddenly I was standing at the hotel door having a conversation with Crowley. The smug bastard was grinning at me as if I had just won the lottery and he was there to collect the taxes.

_ He moved towards the front of the car and leaned back on the grill. “I see all your cracks have been sealed in that beautiful noggin of yours.” _

_ “No thanks to you,” I snapped and leaned against the doorsill, leaving it open in case Sam woke up. But then again, I was pretty sure he had woken up the moment I moved on the bed. He was just lying in wait to see what happened next. “Way to be helpful, by the way, lure me into a devil’s trap, get me stuck and then pop off like you don’t need to explain exactly how I’m your girl?” _

_ “You’ve been my girl for as long as you can remember, Angel, your grandmother made that pact.”  Crowley answered and gave me a crooked grin. “Or did that pretty little hybrid fry your noodle that much already that you’ve forgotten all about that?” _

_ “I swear to…” I paused and caught my breath, “what are you doing here?” _

_ “I just came to check and make sure they finished the job,” he pushed away from the car and stepped closer to me. My grip on the spectrum tightened, but he stopped just out of knifepoint reach and glanced down at the blade. “I’ll have to tell Jones that he did quite the job on the blade. If you intended it for me, sorry to disappoint you Love, but you’d never have gotten it past the leather, but since most demons can’t see the rune work, he must have known you and I would have some sort of exchange while it was still in your possession.” _

I turned to Jones, to the indifference in his eyes and sighed. This probably happened exactly the same way before, but I held up the knife to show him.

“Crowley?” I questioned, but watched the shock on his face. Okay, new question and not one asked at least eight times. Jones let out a breath and kind of gave me a kicked puppy look. “You’ve worked with Crowley? In what aspect?” This caught Cas’ attention and he also looked at the older man curiously, but Jones only stepped forward, stretched out his hand and gave me a moment to place the blade’s handle in it. “What did you do with it?”

“The spectrum has all the spell work in it you need to kill a demon, hell to kill just about everything, except a hybrid,” Jones whispered and looked up from the rainbow blade to me as he shook his head. “It was the only way to keep you absolutely safe. I knew he had his minions surrounding your house, that your kids were being watched by them, but I also knew you. I  _ know _ you, those kids come first, so I went to him for the rune work. He pulled some strings when he knew it was for you. He got it done, because he owed me.”

“A crossroads’ demon, the current king of hell and he  _ owed _ you?” I smiled and rubbed the corner of my eye, “Please tell me you’re joking! What could you have possibly done to make Crowley owe you anything? He makes contracts for a living!”

“Yeah, but you know what they say?”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions?” I guessed.

“Fool me once,” he answered and walked over to the cabinet in the corner. He pulled out a book, a pretty thick one and for a second I thought I recognized it, but my memories seemed to fade out once again. That was when I knew it had something to do with my past. “Your grandmother owned this. It was part of her coven.” He placed the book on the table and opened it up. I stepped closer, slowly recognizing the handwriting that covered the old parchment pages and I clenched my hands together. Jones had set the spectrum back in its sheath before moving so I knew just where the blade was. “When she died, Crowley came to collect and he picked up this little jewel.”

“My grandmother’s grimoire?” I slowly reached out to caress the page and I felt my heart skip with the power that flowed through it, but I realized something else at that moment. I knew everything that was written in it. “Okay, so I could tell you this book front to back, it’s what Crowley gave me when the pact was made. Kind of a book of shadows locked in my skull, so why was this so important to him after she died?”

“Because she didn’t stop writing in it just because Crowley  _ Total Recall _ ed what you already knew. Your bloodline was born of magic, no matter how insane it came to be, you were still one of the chosen ones and it was all locked away in there, but like I said, it didn’t mean you were all knowing and that she stopped writing.” Jones slid the book closer, took the pages and flipped them towards the back. The pen looked new, the words darker and I recognized some of the Latin written there. “You see, Granny Goodwitch decided that you needed all the information you could get your little hands on after the ceremony, after she figured out what she had done, so she started collecting it.”

“Jesus, these are spells right out of the  _ Malleus Maleficarum _ ,” I whispered and ran my fingers over the pages. “How the hell would she get access to the Witch’s Hammer? I’m pretty sure it’s stashed away like the Book of the Damned?”

“The book of what?” Jones questioned and moved over to the coffee machine,  _ my _ coffee machine, to start a pot before we continued. I pulled out a chair and sat down, reading over everything that was written there. “So, anyway, if Crowley had it, it means that your Gram was able to find something that might hurt him or cause the whole demon population some serious casualties. I found out about it years ago, when your dad used to live in town.”

This made me look up at him and I watched as he raised an eyebrow. “You knew my dad?”

“Honey, I’m the same age as your daddy.” He laughed and shook his head. “We used to hang out together. He was a good guy, but I was a hunter and there was a reason for befriending him that had nothing to do with the fact that he could keep my car running. Once he married your mom, once you and your sister were born, something in him changed though and I think it was about the time that he found out about just what your Gram and Danni’s were up to.”

“You think my dad knew Gram was a witch?” He pulled out a chair and sat down beside me.

“Yeah, and so did your ma,” I think my head was about to spin because in all the research there was nothing about this. “1974, the spring after your sister was born, John Winchester rolled into town in that God-awful piece of machinery. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good classic car, but that Impala stuck out like a sore thumb. He was on the case for something. Something bad, at least he thought and Mary, well she was at home doing her own thing. The Campbells and the Winchesters separately were formidable hunters, but together, a family line like that would make some of the world’s best if trained right. So, John, he was strolling through this case like it was a piece of cake, except where it concerned your dad. See he was very protective of your mom, very protective.”

“Kind of like Sam?” I smiled. 

“How about Dean taken to a Sam level?” and that comparison make me sit back with an “oh” written across my face. Dean’s need for contact and Sam’s dark, protective side, yeah, together that could be lethal. “Anyway, John managed to get himself in a corner. Nothing unusual for him, except he could usually find his way out. This time, he couldn’t and your dad showed up to save his ass.”

“Wait, my dad was hunting?” I asked very shocked, but Jones just shook his head.

“No, your dad was what John  _ was _ hunting.”

“But, my father would never use magic. In fact, it took me years to get him to even admit he could sense when something was wrong with people after I freaked out!” I shook my head, Jones moved again, grabbed a couple cups from the counter and must have offered one up to Cas because the angel shook his head. After a moment of listening to things move around behind me, Jones set the mug down next to my right hand, away from the book and took his place beside me. 

“As I was saying, your daddy was what John was hunting or at least he thought. Things went sideways. John got the jump on a different coven or more to the point, the coven got the jump on John and your dad came in to save him, but the deal was, John stayed away from your Gram and her girls.”

“Did he?” I took a sip of the hot liquid before asking him again, “Did John stay away?”

“For the most part,” Jones took a deep breath. “He came back in the area about May of 75’, the year you were born and he sat down and explained to your dad everything he had found on the blades, on the family line, but your dad wanted nothing to do with it. John caught a case, said he had to roll out. By then he and Mary had gotten hitched and, well, it wouldn’t be long before Dean was on his way, but John never gave up trying to convince your dad that when you were born you needed to be protected.”

“He still didn’t believe him,” I said softly as my fingers went over the page. “Never even told me that he knew John.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered, Winchester was gone before you were born. Not that he wanted to leave,” I looked up at him, at the sorrow on his face, but he cleared his throat and gave me a half grin. “John loved your dad, like a brother, loved your ma too but man, he was excited to see you. He stayed here for a while after you were born. Never made it to the hospital, never stopped by to see you when you got home, but your dad would bring you by. You and your sister. She was a bouncy one, that girl, but you were as quiet as a mouse, never cried.”

“Never cried,” I whispered and something about those words stuck in my head, like I had heard it described someone else as a baby before, but I couldn’t place it. Jones placed his hand on mine, bringing me back to the room and I watched him eye me over. 

“John saw you a couple times from right here in this shop. He wouldn’t come out, didn’t want to make his presence known and it made me wonder what kind of falling out he and your dad had, but man did he want to dote over you.” Jones smiled and I looked up at Cas.

“So, John’s letter, the one you brought me in Virginia?” I asked Cas, who gave me a tight-lipped nod, before I turned back to Jones, “You gave Cas that letter and John left it with you? In your care?”

“Things between me and your daddy went south too, Angel, especially after things at home started to take a turn. Your Grandpa didn’t like what your Gram was doing, had enough actually and that was it, things were rocky. He kind of blocked himself off, decided to severe ties, make it safer for you, because as you grew he knew you were different and that John was right. That was when they packed you up, after your brother was born, and moved you north, away from here, away from the magic.”

“That didn’t take, now did it?” I stated sarcastically. “Dad still met with Gram, still brought us to see Danni’s family, still ended up in the damn river on a night that we should have all drowned and John… he still was there protecting, even if he didn’t know it.”

“He knew it,” Jones sighed and my eyes locked on his as he continued. “Stopped by here after it happened, told me about the dog that Dean saw, the way you fought and having to pull your parents out. He was watching over you, just like he had promised your daddy he would do.”

“But he could have stayed. He could have explained what the hell he was doing before he jumped in the car and took Sam and Dean with him, leaving me on the damn shore.” I growled and shook my head. “If John could have done more, he should have.”

“No Sweets, by then John was on a mission of his own. He was chasing the demon that killed Mary, trying to save his own boys and protect them. That encounter, that one little kind act of a boy putting a towel around you, that sealed fate between you and Dean, but it didn’t mean John was sticking around for an encore with Sammy.” 

“What the hell do you mean, sealed my fate with Dean?” I snapped and watched as he shook his head and tapped on the book. 

“It’s all in there, everything that you need to know. I’m sure it’s why Crowley took it. Anyway, back to the reason for it. Like I said about Crowley, fool me once. He actually came in handy one time, catching a rogue hellhound. Not his precious Juliette, no that little beast was right by his side, but this one, she was on a killing spree that made the world’s bloodiest showdown look like a school house play.” Jones smiled as if it were a fond memory. “We took care of it as much as you could and thought it was over, but the demon caught eyes on you.”

“Wait, when was this?” I questioned and shook my head, “Besides the fire, I never remember meeting Crowley.”

“You were six months at the most, you wouldn’t have remembered him. Your dad came in here, kinda caught me with the bastard, had you in his arms and that was it. Never pictured the King of Hell one for sweet little things like you, but he took to you like a moth.” Jones shook his head. “Your dad knew what he was, crossroads at the time, he also knew the case and understood why Crowley was there, but there’s a reason this place is pretty saturated with wardings right now.”

“So when Crowley said I had always been his girl?”

“He wasn’t kidding,” Jones replied, his voice filled with sorrow. “Crowley knew what you were, who you were and the things you were meant to do, so along with John Winchester’s God-awful version of protection, you also had Crowley’s.”

“Tell me he didn’t give me his blood.” I growled and watched as Jones took a sip of the coffee before he smacked his lips together in an annoying sound.

“Nope, just kissed your head and mumbled something in Latin. I couldn’t make it out from as far back as I was. Then he handed you back to your daddy, nice and gentle like, before he looked between us, gave us a “goodbye boys” and poof, he was gone.” 

My head was spinning. So much information was just whirling around in my head that I was having a hard time concentrating on the book in front of me. I slammed it shut and rubbed my eyes. Now I knew why John had written that letter, why he had sent along those papers and now I got why Crowley thought of me as his girl, but that connection to Dean, that sealed fate, that was one more question in my never-ending list of what could possibly pop up next.

“I have to find Dean!” I growled and looked over at the men in the room. “I have to find them all and fix this.”

“You sure that’s a good idea, Angel? I mean, after everything I just told you?” My eyes locked on his and I shook my head.

“None of this is a good idea,” I sighed and stood, “but I need to get going. I plan on leaving first thing in the morning.”

“Well you aren’t taking that thing you call a car out there, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb.” Jones laughed and stood. Curious what he was getting at I stuffed the book into the bag and zipped it up, before following him out of the hidden room and up the cellar stairs. He unlatched the door and I found myself staring at the crowded lot that was his yard. I had ever even seen a driveway to get back there, but at least four cars were lined up, all in rough shape, a few in worse condition than the others and I shook my head. “No, Kid, I’m not sending you out with one of these.”

“Okay, cause you said sore thumb like my HHR was something ugly and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t going to be all that happy about it.” I grinned and watched him shake his head as we passed a few old Pontiacs and one really old Oldsmobile, but when he opened the garage, or something that resembled a garage, I found the place to be in pristine shape, like he had said screw the shop, this was what he was spending all his time on. 

The shape of the car was familiar, but I don’t think I had ever seen Jones drive anything but the deathtrap of a pick-up that he had parked out front, so when he turned on the light and pulled back the car cover I couldn’t help but whistle. 

Wow… just wow because this thing could give the Impala a run for her money. 

The light illuminated the Plum Crazy Purple paint job of the 1970 Pontiac GTO, with the thick black racing stripe that came down over the hood scoop all the way back to the tail end, that had been hiding under the cover. She was immaculate, not a scratch on her and he tossed me the keys. There was enough room to move around the car without touching anything, for her doors to open without bumping into something and I unlocked the driver’s side door, pulled it open and inside, the black interior looked as if it had never been touched, except to wipe it down because there wasn’t even a speck of dust anywhere on it.

“Jesus, Jones, she’s beautiful.” I whispered, stuck the key in the ignition and listened to her rumble to life. Oh, how I loved that sound. It reminded me of Baby and I smiled, running my hands over the steering wheel. 

“She ought to be, your daddy worked hard on her.” He answered, making me whip my head around to look at him. I killed the engine, slipped out from behind the wheel and made my way around the car before stopping at him. “This is the one he helped me with, and when you were born, after everything that Crowley and John had told me, I knew she had to be yours.”

“Wait, what?” I said softly and watched as he gestured for the keys. Handing them over, he popped the hatch and I watched as he reached down to the floorboard.  Standing back, he pulled it open and why didn’t it shock me that there was no spare there.  “It’s a hunter’s car?”

“She’s the very best there is. Ram Air III, zero to sixty in six point six,” Jones laughed, “three-sixty-six for horsepower, though knowing your dad, that’s all changed and she’s got something a hell of a lot more powerful running under there, that’s what she started off at. Even changed her color, she was a mint blue color but man do I love the purple, makes her kind of badass, hides her well too.” I was still awestruck by the trunk and all the little gadgets in there. It had definitely been updated, salt rounds, holy water, stakes, strange blades that graced the lid, and everything that most hunters couldn’t or would never bother to look for. “Changed out the transmission though, went from manual to automatic, that took some work but it’s the only major changed. Figured you would know how to drive both but auto is so much easier when you’re outracing a ghost truck with some heavy vengeful spirit action.”

He slipped behind the wheel as I closed the hatch and listened to her start up once more. Jones rolled her out of the garage, let her idle for just a bit before he handed me the keys again.

“She’ll keep you safe, Angel, trust me when I say this.” I took the bag and tossed it in the backseat, smiling at the black interior once again. He braced me by the shoulders, making me stand up straight to look him in the eyes as he sighed. “It ain’t going to come back easy, and it ain’t going to be pretty, but you’ll find those Winchesters, and you’ll get Danni back, but you have to be careful, I mean really careful.”

“I get it,” I mumbled and watched as he shook his head. 

“Start at London, get up there, take a look around, see what you can remember but then I want you to go over to Summerford, Ohio,” he reached into his wallet and pulled out more than a thousand dollars in hundreds, before stashing them down in my front pocket, “there’s a roadhouse there, kind of a waystation for hunters. I want you to look for Jo, she’ll take care of you. Might even know where your missing men are, or will know someone who does.”

“How will I know I’m in the right spot?” I laughed but his eyes told me that I would definitely figure it out when I got there. 

“You be safe,” he sighed. “Don’t worry about the HHR, I’ll take care of her.”

“We brought my truck.” Cas spoke up and for a moment, I had forgotten he was there. Jones glanced as him and nodded, before setting his sights on me again.

“Bring your journal, everything you need to know is in it, and dammit, I can’t stress enough to watch your six.”

“I got it, Mike, I’m not a kid, and this isn’t my first road trip.” I smiled and attempted to step back, but he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly.

“Don’t tell your father I gave you the car, he’ll have my balls!” The older man mumbled in my ear before he stepped back laughing and finally let me go. “Get out of here, and you let me know when you get there, and what’s going on because anything you need, I can get you.”

“I love you too, Jones.” I replied, smiled and slipped behind the wheel again. I closed the door, listened to the silence inside the car, nothing but the purr of the engine and with that, I put the GTO in gear and moved slowly through the lot, around the side of the building where the driveway connected to the neighbors and swung it out to the road.

~~~~~

Cas looked at me as I put the bags in the backseat of the car, didn’t say anything, just watched until I was able to take a second to look at him.  Reaching out, I grabbed ahold of the shirt he was wearing and pulled him close, connecting our bodies as he wrapped his arms around my waist, strange for the angel, but not so much for the Jim inside.

“Thank you, Cas.” I whispered and listened to him sigh, but the stoic look on his face told me he was less than impressed with this plan.

“I can’t come with you, but I will help.” He replied and I nodded, because I didn’t want him coming with me anyway, there was too much to do and so much of it had to be on my own. “I’ll try to locate Danni for you, Sam and Dean should be easy to find with what Jones shared with you.”

“I know you were just trying to keep me safe, Cas, doing what I asked, but this time, I can’t go back to not knowing.” 

“I don’t think that option is there anyway, there are too many variables that have changed since the last time, too many questions that were never asked before.” He touched my cheek softly with his hand and I watched him purse his lips before he put his forehead against mine. “I’ll leave at the same time you do in the morning so that Nick won’t ask any questions. Everything will be stored at my apartment and it will look like we’ve gone to Maine as planned, but Ali, if you need me at any point…”

“I’ll just pray, Cas, I will.” I whispered and watched him smile. He kissed me quickly on the forehead, pulled back from my arms and headed for his truck. With one last glance at me, he hopped in, started up the engine and turned down the road, disappearing from sight.

The house was packed, the cats were already at the boarding house where we had planned on keeping them for the next two weeks and the GTO was gassed up and ready to go.

I stood in the kitchen that next morning, looking over the way my house lay silent and a small smile formed up on my lips. For the first time in what felt like forever, something inside me clicked and I grabbed my phone, the keys and the last bag I needed before snatching the journal off the counter.

I was on a mission and it started now. 


	5. Chapter 5

Summerford, Ohio

So, Cas said at 8:43 pm on April 14, a semi came flying off the highway and struck the car at such a high rate of speed that he and other EMTs had to wait for the jaws of life to come in and cut me out of the car. As I sat at the Waffle House parking lot, looking at the intersection that he had spoken of it occurred to me, Cas wasn’t an EMT at all, in fact he wasn’t human, he was an angel.  

With a deep breath, I looked at the building beside me, at the bench that I could see in the corner, where if memory serves me right, I was sitting when I looked up and saw Dean and his cup of coffee and the backside of Sam’s head.  I couldn’t stay there, I couldn’t go in and eat, which was my thought all the way down, the whole 11-hour drive there, as I cranked the tunes from my Spotify station. Putting the GTO in gear, I looked up the closest bar, only because I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Summerford, six minutes away from where I currently sat, was a small town that had one major road that I had decided to drive down.  Nothing was open, at least nothing that most women driving alone would care to stop at but when Jones suggested trying the Roadhouse Saloon in Summerford to check on Dean’s whereabouts, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

Bikes, trucks and cars of all sizes graced the dirt parking lot of the old building that was pushed back from the roadway, and as I put the car in park, slipped out of the plum purple GTO, I smiled at the looks I got, because hell yes, she was pretty. I stopped, looked up at the sign, dug out my cell and took a picture because when you see Harvelle’s Roadhouse Saloon in the middle of nowhere Ohio, you HAVE to take a picture. I sent along to Jones, letting him know that I had arrived and slowly made my way in, past a few gruff looking bikers, who were actually pretty pleasant and I weaved my way up to the bar to grab a stool before taking a look around.

My eyes went over the pool table, glanced past all of the men at the dartboards, took in the women that swayed on the dance floor but no one seemed to catch my eye, except for one man sitting in the back corner, his arm around the shoulders of some pretty blonde, smiling in some strangely familiar way and I shook. Where the hell did I know him from?  HOW did I know him?

A tap on the counter and a woman’s voice clearing her throat had me turning in my seat and I looked at the petite blonde that stood before me. 

NO FREAKING WAY! 

Her dark eyes scanned me over as her long blonde hair flowed over her shoulders. She looked as innocent as I thought she would but even though the years had been good to her in the way of looks, I could see the hard life behind her eyes and her curious face turned to a concerned one as she watched me stare.

“You okay?” She questioned and I could almost hear the Nebraska drawl that she hadn’t lost since moving north however many years ago.

“Ah, yeah, sorry,” I whispered and straightened, “you just remind me of someone I thought I knew. It was kind of a shock, because I thought she was dead.”

“Well, that wouldn’t be the first time that happened to me.” She smiled and placed the cloth on the counter. “Something I could get you?”

“Um, a Coke and a shot of Vodka,” I whispered and watched her eye me curiously.

“Together?” She laughed.

“Depends on the size of your cups,” I teased back as she looked down at her chest. 

“About a B, if you’re interested,” and I drew in a deep breath, damn she was beautiful but I wasn’t here for that, or her, no matter how tempting it sounded and with that stunned silence she gave me a wink, filled a glass with ice and placed it on the bar. I watched her fill it will soda, then grab the Vodka. “Just tell me when.” As she tipped and poured, I watched the liquid mix in the cup, but I was still staring at her face before she finally put it down. “You didn’t say when.”

“Sorry, distracted.” I felt the blush rush up. Why was I blushing over Jo? Did I have a girl crush? Okay, I admit I had one for the woman on the show and yes, this Jo was just as beautiful so why was my heart racing. 

“If it’s too strong, just let me know,” she whispered and pushed the cup towards me. I took a sip and felt the burn of the Vodka and the tickle of the bubbles. It was actually perfect and I smiled, watching her nod before she held out her hand, “Jo Harvelle.”

“Ali,” I whispered, reaching out to take it, but she just held my fingers, never bothered to shake it, “Ali Porter.” The strange reaction to my name, one of a quick glance to the familiar man in the back had me curious but she quickly wiped all of the emotion from her face and smiled. “I’m looking for someone.”

“For the night, for the hour?”  She winked, and while I knew she was trying to hit on me, I shook my head, giving her a sly grin as I took and glanced back at him myself. “He’s probably not your type, trust me.”

“Oh, I’m not looking for him,” I sighed and leaned on the counter, closing the distance enough that I could smell her perfume over the scent of the alcohol in my drink. “I’m looking for a man, about six-foot, green eyes, badass attitude.”

“We see plenty of those come in, you got a picture?” she sat back a little as I shook my head. “So, are you the jealous wife or the crazy girlfriend?”

“The brat sister,” I laughed and looked up at her seriously. “He’s kinda family and I’ve lost track of him, it’s pretty important that I find him but the numbers I have aren’t working. I haven’t heard from him in months and with our line of work, that can’t be a good sign at all.”

“Line of work, huh?” she raised a finger, having me hold my reply as she helped one of the other girls behind the bar with a few drinks but she came back rather quickly.  “So, you were saying, line of work?”

“Hunters,” I whispered and locked eye contact with her. For a second, I saw the shock in her eyes, saw it flicker to the man in the background, a sure sign of some sort of communication and suddenly she was locked on me again. 

“Hunters, as in deer, bear?” Her laugh was nervous.

“Moose mostly,” I answered, watched her pale before I moved on, “sometimes little woodland creatures but this one has a scar across his cheek, follows his bone, just a white line, most wouldn’t even notice if you didn’t look close enough.”

“Who did you say you were looking for?” She stepped back, still not breaking contact.

“Dean,” I winked and her eyes shifted to the man behind me, “Dean Winchester.”

I felt him almost to the second that I finished saying the words, the man in the back corner was now standing right behind me and I turned to look up at him. His dirty blonde, almost brown hair was cut short, seemed like a usual thing for hunters, and his dark green just this side of hazel eyes looked me over suspiciously as he clicked his tongue.

“You’re a hunter?” He asked, almost with an air of amusement.

“Would you like to take it outside and find out?” I snapped back and watched as he took the stool beside me before Jo brought over a beer for him and the three of us seemed to huddle together. “Look, I’m not gunning for trouble, I just need to find Dean.”

“Winchester?” He questioned, as if he hadn’t heard me speak the man’s name before.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I questioned and it wasn’t sarcastic but seriously, I just couldn’t place the name with the face that was looking at me, and I knew the face.

“Christian,” he answered and that made me sit back.

“Campbell?” I whispered more to myself than anyone but when he heard his name, his eyes locked on Jo’s and I saw the uncertainty in his face.

“Do I _ know _ you?” he was absolutely serious, and deadly.  I took a breath, glanced at the woman behind the bar and shook my head.

“No, but I know something of you, both of you,” I shrugged and looked at Jo, “your mother was Ellen, the two of you ran a roadhouse in Nebraska with a man named Ash, a hunters’ roadhouse.”  I watched the shock on her face, but I also saw the blade come up from behind the counter and rest on the bar. I rolled my eyes, hunters were such an untrusting bunch. “Just wait a minute, I can explain,” I whispered and turned to Christian, “you, though, the only things I know about you is that you are Sam and Dean’s cousin on their mom’s side, Mary, third if I’m not mistaken.  And you can be a regular douche when you want to!”

“Hey, no need to jump to conclusions, we just met, sweets.” He winked at me, apparently something about being called names was a turn-on for him. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“Honestly, Dean and Sam told me about you both, well, mostly about you, Jo,” I replied, staring at the woman who was leaning across the bar, her doe eyes staring at me with a mix of heated curiosity and reservation about even believing my story, but I turned to Christian, “you on the other hand, just the basics, sorry.”

“So, what’s got you searching for Dean?”  Jo spoke up, grabbing the towel to wipe down a spot before pushing my drink closer, as if to say she only trusted someone that finished what they ordered.  Taking the glass, I lifted it for a moment before taking a long drink of it, letting the heat of the Vodka sink in. 

“Like I said, it’s been a few months and in this line of work, a few months could mean some very bad things,” I shrugged.  “Phone’s disconnected, so that means he dropped it for a burner, which isn’t easy to trace but I know how.  Sam’s been off the grid, at least off my grid for just about as long and a friend said this might be the best place to start looking.”

“Friend?” Christian whispered and looked around, “hunters don’t usually have friends, the have contacts.”

“Well, Jones is more like a protector than a friend, I guess you could say.  He said you might know a little something about something, you know being a hunter’s pitstop and stuff.” I answered and shrugged, couldn’t give them any more information than that, didn’t really have anything else to give them.

“Jones?” Jo whispered and reached under the counter to grab a journal, flipping through it she came to a page and stopped, just for a second to read it over before she slammed it shut. “Full name?”

“Michael Jones, owns the Ware Gun Shop, kind of a go-to guy for hunters in our area.” Her eyes lightened, and she glanced at the man beside me before raising a brow. “Feel free to call,” I pulled out my phone, opened it to his contact and put it on the counter in front of her. Before she could pull back, I hit the call button, when it connected I hit the speaker.  Just as he said hello, I spoke up. “Jones.”

“Ali, did you find Jo? You okay?” He asked right away and I watched her stand up straight, snatch the phone off the counter and walk away with it, through the swinging door to the kitchen.

“You really think that’s a good idea?” Christian laughed as I finished the drink and turned towards him.

“Honestly, I haven’t had one good idea since I woke up yesterday, so no, this is so totally  _ not _ a good idea.” I winked and reached over the bar to grab the bottle of vodka I had watched her stash there before pouring myself just a little bit more. 

“I meant letting her leave with your phone, she’s a hunter, she could probably copy every contact you have in there in two seconds,” he laughed, which earned him nothing but a shrug. 

“Got nothing to hide, let her copy away.” I shrugged and downed the drink before reaching for the bottle again, but Christian’s hand came up and his fingers wrapped around mine, and the bottle before I turned to look at him again.

“What the hell did Dean do to you?” He questioned, concerned.

“More of what I think I did to him,” I said softly and released the bottle before he set it down softly on the bar.  He looked around, took my hand, removed my glass and folded his fingers around mine.

“Come on, we need a better place to talk.” And I stood, why the hell was I going with him? I mean, what did he need to talk to me about? Before I could blink, I was off the stool, the vodka hitting me a little too hard and I was following him through the crowd.

Let me describe Christian Campbell to you, he was very easy on the eyes, tall, broad shouldered and it must have been a Campbell trait that all three shared because I felt undeniably safe just following him further into the back of the bar.  He had a kind face, but he had seen hard times, like most hunters and it showed in his eyes, even as they looked you over, checking for imperfections, weaknesses.  I didn’t feel the need to protect myself with him so close, like I had known him for some time, when in fact the character of Christian Campbell had only been in a few episodes and even then, he had been an ass in a few and a demon in the last one.

This man didn’t show signs of either.

He slipped through a set of swinging half-doors, almost like the ones in the old saloons, and pulled me over to a table in the corner, where he slipped off his jacket and offered me a seat. I watched as he moved to the coffee pot in the corner and started up a new pot of the liquid gold. Seriously, either we were sitting in the breakroom or I was inside a small café tucked somewhere in the back of a bar.  

He glanced over at me, smiling. “You know, you look completely lost.”

“I’m not exactly in my element here,” I replied sarcastically as he sat down with a mug of coffee, a handful of creamers, and slid the sugar towards me as he sat down. “I mean other hunters, besides Sam and Dean, not exactly my scene.”

“How long did you hunt with them?” He questioned, but his voice was soft and coaxing, and I concentrated on my coffee preparation before I answered him.

“Not long, I guess, I mean, long enough to become family,” I whispered, “we had a hunt together in April, things kind of made us separate for a little while. We kept in touch but didn’t really hunt together physically until Virginia in June, after that they kind of went off the radar, which is what has me so worried.”

“You said long enough to become family, how would one hunt make you family, or sorry, two?” he laughed. “Dean doesn’t latch onto anyone he hasn’t known for a while.”

“Special case I guess, and then Sam and I got involved…” my voice trailed off as I watched his eyebrow go up. “You know what, that is probably all you need to know about that.  Dean and I just clicked, Sam and I just…”

“Yeah, I kinda get what you and Sam just did,” he grinned and put his foot up on the chair beside him. “I can get him for you, Dean I mean, but Sam and I don’t have the best of relationships.”

“Really, I thought you and Dean…” I looked up at him and watched the confusion on his face, as if to ask me how I would know anything about what went on between them, “you know what, never mind. I mean, I guess I could see how someone would have a complicated relationship with Sam, he’s a bit…”

“Intense?” Christian smiled, “yeah, no doubt.”

“But you can really get ahold of Dean?” I questioned and watched as he sat there staring at me for a moment before he pursed his lips, giving it just a little more thought before he nodded. “Why would you do that for me?”

“This is going to sound awfully strange,” he grinned as he moved a little closer, “and it’s not exactly the best line I’ve got either, but I think I trust you.”

“You’ve known me all of about five minutes and you trust me?” I laughed, sitting back. “Yeah not exactly the best line.” I gave a small grin before I shook my head. “And it’s not going to work, by the way, I kind of have my heart going in enough different directions.”

“Not your heart I was interested in, sweets.” He laughed and shook his head.

“But when a lady says no, Chris,” Jo spoke up from the doorway. I watched Christian’s head whip over in her direction as she slowly sauntered in and turned the chair next to me around. He gave her a little grin, like he knew he was being scolded and liked it. “So, we’re calling Dean then?”

So, here is my thoughts on this suddenly “jump on Ali’s bandwagon”, either A: Dean was going to just outright kill me when we met, or B: they just wanted to sit back and watch the firefly when we finally did meet up. Whichever way the ball rolled, these two were in for some serious entertainment.

“Funny, though,” Christian spoke up and watched as Jo handed me back the phone.  I took it gently from her hand, feeling her fingers caress mine. “You just told me you and Sam had a thing, but you’re only looking for Dean.”

“Well, the way I figured, Dean would know where Sam was, and Sam, bless his genius heart, would know how to find my sister.” I snapped, suddenly getting irritated, catching onto their game. 

“So now you’re looking for your sister?”  Jo questioned. 

“Actually, I’m searching for all three, but like I said, Dean first.” I shrugged. “My sister is a little more complicated than the boys, she wouldn’t be easy to find, and trust me, I’ve tried every angle, but I’m pretty sure that, without heading to a crossroads, the boys are my best bet. And, I’m pretty worried about them.”

“The Winchesters aren’t amateurs,” Jo scoffed and I locked my blue eyes on hers. “If Sam doesn’t want to be found, there’s a reason, if Dean comes to answer this call and says it’s bull…”

“Trust me, I know what he’s capable of, Jo, and if I really wanted to try and pull a fast one on them, on  _ him _ , do you think I would have actually stepped foot outside of a little town like Ware, Massachusetts?” I glared pointedly at her. 

She licked her lips, nodded and turned her attention on Christian. “Make the call, it’s her funeral.” Christian stood, pulled his cell out of his pocket and moved to the furthest side of the room before she turned back to me. “You said your sister is missing too, is she a hunter?”

“Yeah, last I heard she had taken on some heavy crap alone and kind of disappeared into the dark with it.” I sighed, letting the knowledge of Danni facing these monsters alone take over, and I shook my head. “She’s badass but we’re family, ya know?”

“Maybe she’s been around,” Jo shrugged, “what’s her name?”

“Danni,” I watched her sit back, a little stunned, “Danni Danvers.” Okay, a lot stunned, as her face went pale. “You know her?”

“Heard of her, sure, word gets around when there are new hunters stirring stuff up, but no, never had the pleasure.” She lied, I could see it in her eyes, she  _ lied _ ! 

Taking a deep breath, as if frustrated that I was still at square one, I nodded and my gaze went to where Christian stood, his arms crossed, the phone to his ear as he turned and leaned on the wall, looking me over from head to toe and back with a straight face. 

Man, would I love to be a fly on the wall right now, because the way Christian was looking at me, I was about to either be dinner for Dean Winchester, or dead meat!

~~~~~

Clearly, my night was going to go exactly as I had planned it, not that I had planned it at all, but after finding Jo and Christian at the Roadhouse in Summerford, okay Jo I had expected, Christian, not so much, I found myself waiting out by the car for an answer.  It was closer to midnight than I expected it to be, which meant I had been inside with the bobbsey twins for almost three hours, and now I was standing out by the GTO waiting for Christian, who walked out of the bar with confidence, saying goodnight to most of the people there as he passed by before he stopped and stood in front of me.

“You look comfortable.” He grinned and I looked back at the car behind me, with my arms crossed and gave him just a little shrug before he came to stand beside me and my first thought was  _ don’t scratch the paint _ just before the words “don’t scratch at the wall” floated through my head in some strange voice. I shook the voice of caution away and went back to looking at the people. “Okay, Greta Garbo, here’s the deal,” referring to me as a 1920’s silent actress as I stood there and said nothing, “I got Dean to agree to a meet up, but he’s got a case and won’t be able to do it until the afternoon, until then, I’ve been instructed to keep an eye on you.”

“Yeah, well, an eye is all you’re keeping on me,” I snarked and watched him smile. 

“Don’t worry, Al, if you’ve got anything to do with my cousin,” he put his hands up, “hands off is the rule, especially with Sam.”  I watched as his eyes moved over me, “but you know, if you ever change your mind.”

“Okay, so you said tomorrow?”  I pushed away from the car and looked at him fully, which was when he finally noticed the sheath of the spectrum blade at my side before nodded. “Fine then, tomorrow we’ll meet back here.”

“That ain’t going to happen,” he grumbled, like he had been given a chore and didn’t like it. “I’m supposed to keep an eye on you so, I hope you didn’t rent a room cause you’re staying with me.”

“The hell I am!” I snapped and watched as Jo walked out and stood there watching.

“Listen, Kid, it’s the only way Dean would agree for this to go down. My eyes on you, all night.” He sighed and I looked at Jo, who just gave one of her “not getting in it” kind of shrugs. Dean’s rule? Remind me to kick  _ Dean  _ in the ass for his  _ rules _ ! 

“Whatever, can we just go then, I’m freaking exhausted!”  I stated through clenched teeth.  Christian smiled, walked over to the Grand Am that was parked beside me and gestured for me to get in. 

“It’s just around the corner.” He answered and looked at Jo. “Night, darlin’.”

“Hey, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she replied but her eyes fell on me as she now looked me over. I shook my head. “Come back in the morning, I’ll make breakfast.”

I nodded, got in the car, cranked the engine over and listened to her purr. I should have just stayed on the road, should have just drove out to Lebanon, Kansas and hunted down the damn bunker, not that they would have been there, but I knew how to set off the system and humans can walk right in with a key.

~~~~~

The motel that Christian was occupying didn’t even have a name, at least nothing that was posted on any available signs on the outside.  There was only maybe a total of ten rooms on the strip and I was almost positive that I was sharing a bed with this guy, but when he opened the door to number 7, I was surprised to see two double beds in the room as he put the keys down on the small table and walked in.

“Home sweet home, for now.” He grinned and watched as I walked by and set my bags on the first bed closest to the door, but he didn’t protest to tell me that it was his, which made me realize. This wasn’t his room at all. He must have noticed my curiosity because he just made his way to the second bed, unlaced his boots, toed them off and crawled up the mattress until he could tuck one of those pillows under his bed.  “It’s a hunters’ motel.”

“That explains a lot,” I mumbled and watched as his eyes slowly started to close. “So, what, you get a room if you need a place to crash?”

“Yep, Jo owns it, she likes to keep us as safe as possible, considering what happened to her mom.” Okay this peaked my interest and I watched him, waiting for him to say more but I could hear the change in his breathing. He wasn’t going to be awake much longer.

“Well, then,” I smiled, “good night.”

“Mm, yeah, g’night.” He mumbled back and inhaled deeply, before exhaling. “By the way, you smell really good.”

“And you’re probably drunk, so sleep it off, Gaston!” I rolled my eyes, grabbed my sweats from the bag, unhooked the spectrum from my belt and disappeared into the bathroom.

Thank God silence was the only thing I was met with when I got out, because if I had to listen to him snore, I would have ganked him right there in the bed.  As it was, a sudden bang from behind the bathroom wall, and a loud shout outside the window towards the back of the building had me slipping the Walther in the pocket of my sweats and the sheath off the spectrum before I knew it.

Leaving the door half open, I moved quietly around the end of room 10, my bare feet probably a bad idea but it kept me silent as I walked and looked at the fight that was going on behind our room. One of the guys from the bar, some punk ass kid that I had scene with one of the bikers, was getting his ass handed to him by someone who managed to keep to the shadows. It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if it wasn’t for the fact that the man who was kindly handing it to him growled.

Great, I just walked in on a monster fight. I saw the kid pull something, a gun maybe, I wasn’t sure but it didn’t go off, okay it was a faulty, crappy piece of equipment to say the least but just as the monster came down on him, I pulled the Walther and shot it, not a second thought in my head and watched the bullet lodged in his shoulder. I wanted to know what this thing was.

It turned to me, giving me a full-on view of the ugly face before me and I cringed. “Dude, you’re fugly!”

It came at me without a moment’s thought and suddenly I was swinging, I fired off the gun three more times, managed to avoid getting sliced by the claws that it was sending my way and right when it was on top of me, just as it was about to sink those nasty werewolf teeth into my neck, I took the spectrum and rammed it up between its ribs. 

Blood flowed over me, but I kicked it in the nuts, listened to it howl and move off me, in more pain than what seemed like the blade had done and as it moved, I snatched the knife from it’s chest and rolled over to hover above it.

“Night night, puppy!” I growled and swung down, feeling the blade hit the vertebrae on the way through, then release as it sliced through with ease, as if it were just hot butter.  

Looking over at the kid behind me, one that still sat bloody and bruised, I gestured at him to move, and he did, like lightning, but that was when I saw a pair of boots step up in front of me and I looked up at a displeased face as Christian held out a hand to me. 

When he pulled me to my feet, he looked back at the two guys that were standing in the shadows and kicked the body at our feet with the toe of his boot. 

“Take care of this, will ya?” he ordered as he grabbed my upper arm and started to drag me around the corner. Yeah, he wasn’t related to Dean at all.  Once we were out of sight from the others, I snatched my arm away, wiped the blade against my sweats and followed the angry man back to the room, where he closed the door and locked it behind me, before turning to look at me. “Oh yeah, I’m positive you know Dean now! Did he teach you to run headlong into a werewolf fight with no backup?”  He snapped as I put the gun and spectrum on the bed and grabbed another pair of pants out of the bag. “Let me see the gun!”

I picked it up, turned it handle side towards him and held it out. Snatching it from me, eyes still locked on mine, he walked towards the table as I shook my head and moved to the bathroom.  I could hear him unclip the mag and check out the bullets, just as I dropped the sweats I was wearing and suddenly I looked up at the shadow that loomed over me.

Christian stood there with a bullet in one hand in the mag in the other, while I grinned, wet a towel and washed the blood from my leg.

“Holy shit,” he said softly, holding the bullet out as if I didn’t know what it was, “you really do know Dean.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The Mind of Christian

Not sure what made me grin more, the “holy shit” or the “you really do know Dean”. Either way, me standing there in just a shirt with no pants on and a shocked Christian in the doorway was priceless. He didn’t even seem phased that I was practically standing in my underwear, but when I turned to raise the washcloth, watching the water run red, I felt his eyes on my ass.

Shaking my head, I looked up at him again before going back to the task at hand. Werewolf blood was not coming out of my sweats and the last pair I had was now sitting on the toilet seat waiting to be worn, but the red just kept going and the blood wasn’t coming off as easy as I liked.

“In or out,” I snapped and watched his brows come together in a look of wide-eyed confusion. “The blood’s not washing off, so I have to get in the shower. In or out, Christian.”

He just stood there, staring at me like he had lost some sort of bet and I was just about to collect, that was how strange the look on his face was. Annoyed and not wanting to repeat, I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up over my stomach.

“Whoa, whoa, I get it!” He said quickly and turned around so that I could strip the rest of the way, forget the fact that there was a mirror out there that I was pretty sure he could see my naked reflection in it anyway. “Nice ink,” he mumbled and I turned to him, glanced past him at the mirror and looked at the four tats that graced my back. “How did you get this gun?”

“Dean gave it to me,” I said as I stepped behind the curtain and turned the spray on to full heat, needing the scorching feeling of the water against my skin. “What’s so special about the bullet that you now actually believe me?”

“You mean besides the fact that you’re pig headed, stubborn and downright dangerous, which is exactly his type?” I laughed at this because Dean and I, yeah, I so  _ wasn’t _ his type, Danni was. “Have you ever seen him make these?”

“As much as I would love to say, yeah, I’ve see where he sleeps,” I laughed, “but no, I never had the privilege. He kind of kept that location close to the chest while we were together.”

“Well, Sam and Dean have this machine, helps them make the vamp bullets, a special way of injecting the bullets with DMB… you do know what DMB is, right?” I pulled back the curtain and looked at the way he stood, taking up most of the bathroom door, facing the curtain, with his shoulder against it, his arms and ankles crossed. I wondered if it was a normal thing for him, but then I thought back to Jo and smiled, before I nodded. “So, the vamp bullets are warded and laced with the crap. Nasty stuff to play with if you ask me, just give me a blade any day.”

I smiled as I scrubbed the blood away until there was nothing but clean water running down the drain.  “What are you, afraid of blood?”

“Dead man’s blood, yeah that crap is nasty and you don’t know what the vic had before the boys grabbed some.” Christian almost had me laughing but I shook my head and turned so that I could wet my hair, knowing that there was probably some pulp in it somewhere. “Anyway, Dean and his brilliant mind were able to engineer it so that when the bullet is molded into the casing there is a little symbol on the edge of it, just as it curves.”

“No sir!” I snapped and opened the curtain, beckoning him closer so I could see the bullet in his hand. I held the material closed as much as I could and took his fingers with my wet ones just so that I could really bring the small projectile closer. Sure as hell, there it was, some strange marking that was etched into the bullet. “What the hell is that supposed to be?”

“Dean said it was for Mary when I asked him about it.” He whispered, and I heard him take a deep breath of my body wash before I let go of his hand and pushed at his forehead. “Damn you smell good.”

“OUT!” I laughed and closed the curtain, but I knew he only went as far as the doorway again. “Why the hell would he pick that kind of symbol for his mother?”

“Beats me, this is Dean we’re talking about,” Christian laughed and listened to me rinse the shampoo from my hair. I could hear him breathing, peeked out and watched him stand there with his eyes closed before I applied the conditioner and again, rinsed my hair. “You gonna tell me how you know the boys or keep me in suspense for the rest of the night?”

“You gonna hand me a towel or stand there with your eyes closed?” I remarked and watched as he smiled, grabbed the towel and handed it to me, all with his eyes closed…or at least a little slitted, because he was perfect at the pass. “Now, really, get out so I can change.”

~~~~~

He was sitting at the table, his legs up as usual, casually sitting back as I walked out of the bathroom, towel drying my hair. What time was it anyway? I tossed the towel back towards the linoleum floor and laid down on the bed closest to him, tucking my arms under the pillow as I brought it down to rest under my head. I stared at him for a little while, staring at how familiar and how much he resembled the Christian Campbell on the show, but his attitude was totally different and this time he got along with Dean instead of Sam, how strange was that for me to hear.

“You first or me first?” I mumbled as he continued to play with the bullet in his hand, rolling it between his fingers. 

“I always make sure a lady goes first,” he grinned and I tossed the second pillow that occupied my bed at his head, which he managed to swipe at before it actually hit him, but his eyes trailed over to me, the little smile playing on his lips. “Really, I’m sure your story is a lot longer than mine.”

“Longer than you think,” I replied, “like three decades long.”

“I see, so maybe you should go first.” I think it was that grin, that small little grin that was always on the corner of his lips that made me feel such at ease. I mean here I was, a hunter this time, but still a woman alone with a man twice my size and I was comfortable, strangely comfortable in his presence and maybe it was because he hadn’t tried anything that made it feel as if we had known each other or maybe it was the way he looked after Jo, but to me, Christian wasn’t a threat. I sighed and watched as he put his feet down on the floor and leaned in, elbows on his knees to bring himself closer to me. “If it’s too much, Ali, you don’t have to do it.”

“Oh, I think I can handle it,” I grinned and moved over just a bit so that we weren’t talking loudly. “It’s just picking a starting point, ya know. And I’m still getting stuff to come forward. My memories aren’t all that clear.”

“So how do you know that they really happened?” He shrugged, and I shook my head, before I looked at the bullet. 

“How do I know that they didn’t?” I answered and watched as he nodded. “I was on my way to see a friend, to meet my  _ sister _ Danni, she… ah, she lived in Oklahoma at the time and we planned the trip around the kids having vacation. The first night I stopped in London, grabbed a room and went to dinner. Life after that was kind of, well, let’s just say it wasn’t boring.”

“You met them in London?”

“We kind of fell into each other, me and Sam first, then Dean,” I sighed, trying not to give too much away, because honestly, I didn’t remember much about the when, but just the how. “Sam came through the window, sliced up by a vamp. He was bleeding and it was gunning for him. I tried everything to defend him, but what I got was Dean taking the damn thing’s head clean off. After that we needed to get Sam situated before he bled to death, but apparently that wasn’t all. The vamp scratched me,” I pulled down the pillow to show him the light pink lines on my arm and I saw his fingers come down across them. “It had my scent and it was coming for me and Sam now. Dean wouldn’t let me go, figuratively and literally. We formed a bond, the three of us and they kept me safe. They kept Danni safe.”

“Danni, the woman you said was your sister?” He said softly, to which I nodded. “And she was involved…”

“With Dean,” I watched him sit back suddenly and that smile curved into an “oh.” “Be straight with me, Chris, you’ve seen her, haven’t you?”

“She’s been around,” his voice was soft, too soft for someone who might have seen her in passing, but I wasn’t going to press the issue. “I’m sure she’s safe wherever she is, Ali, from what I got she was a hell of a hunter,  _ is _ a hell of a hunter.”

“Yeah, who got tangled up in this crap because of me. Whose husband died because of me and now she’s walking around with the wrong memories… because of me.” I whispered and blinked away the tears, but his fingers touched my temple, edged around my ear and stopped just to cup the edge of my jaw as I focused on him. “You don’t get it, Chris, this crap, this very bad crap follows me around and I know I did this to her.”

“Bad things happen, Ali,” he whispered and released my chin, “that’s just the way of the world. The way  _ our _ world works. Whatever was going to happen to Danni was going to happen whether you were there or not.” He sighed and sat back before he looked out the window and stretched his arms up to lock his fingers behind his head. “Did her husband die? I mean, you said the way you remember it, you were there when it happened right?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, but then I thought about it. I had never said I was there, he had pulled that from somewhere, but I wanted to see where this went and his little lie about knowing her was growing. “And he still died, even in this crazy, screwed up reality.”

“Then it wasn’t you.” He shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “So, you and Sam, love at first sight or what? Because I couldn’t see Sam going for anyone, the man is one hell of a hunter, but he has anger issues as far as the eye can see.”

“He never hurt me,” I shrugged and tried to figure out what I was remembering, but it was the fading memory of something that Cas had told me about Sam’s past. “Sam was always gentle, he was so afraid that he would hurt me that he was too afraid to touch me, but he got past that.”

“What about Dean, you said you had a bond?” Boy was this one curious and I nodded against the pillow.

“We have a connection, you know, like a need to touch… as odd as that sounds. It’s like making sure the other one is okay on a physical level. You can’t just look and say “okay, nothing’s out of place,” you have to physically touch the person in order to feel it.” I looked over at him and watched the distance in his eyes as I smiled. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you? That’s why you stay so close to Jo? Because you do this with her even though…”

“She’s into girls?” Christian smiled, and there was that little grin again, which made me relax, “yeah, she wasn’t always and that was an issue for me. Not that I wanted her.” 

“Liar,” I mumbled. “I’m not into girls and I want her. So, if you say you don’t then there is something seriously wrong with you.”

“Ha, you don’t know the half of it,” he laughed and shook his head before the smile faded. “I had a wife once, Arlene, she was beautiful. Blonde hair, bright blue eyes. We were trying for a kid, but it wasn’t working, tried for years before…” he licked his lips and took a deep breath, “We were on a hunt in Utah, demons, about six years ago and they got to her, they possessed her. I didn’t know what I do now. I mean, you would think growing up with the Campbell line that, yeah, you’d know everything but we didn’t. She didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said softly and placed my hand on his knee, but he just put his own hand down over mine, gave it a quick squeeze and let me go again.

“She actually got the better end of the bargain. The demons were out for vengeance, wanted nothing more than to shred something, but just to make themselves known they snapped her neck.” His eyes went into the darkness, taking that spark with them as he remembered. “I just stood there, looking down at her body as the rest of the world crumbled around me. We lost five more that day and I should have been one of them but I walked out… I walked out.” He scratched his chin and sat forwards, elbows to his knees again, his hands folded together in front of him. “I had been wandering around for years, hunting, being a nomad, but it wasn’t until I found Jo that I had some sort of purpose again. Like I said, her mom is the reason she has these rooms available to hunters and she’s the reason I stay so close.

“When I first met her I was instantly in lust, wanted her more than anything, but then I touched her,” he said it so softly that I forgot who I was talking to and faded into the memories of Dean, the first time his fingers came down on my face, the way his hand lay across my stomach as he pulled me close that first night when we watched over Sam. “It was like a craving, but nothing sexual, just… well, like you said, a need to make sure she was okay and that was how it started. I caught up to her one night, after the bar closed, always made sure I was there when the bar closed, and there was this guy, had to be about as big as me and he had her pinned to the counter, knife to her neck and she was fighting. He was possessed, talking to her about crap that didn’t make any sense, like her attraction to someone. I didn’t get the whole story, but I scared him away, tried to hunt the bastard down, but he was gone.

“She said it was a demon possessing him, that there was no way he would have done it if it were really him, but when I asked her who she just shook her head and that was the end of it,” Christian sighed, and he clapped his hands together, drawing me out of the vision I had been in, an episode I had seen before, but now I was staring at him like I could have shot him. “So, she turned to girls, they were safer and she could pretty much put anyone on their ass if she wanted.”

“Huh,” I mumbled and felt the energy drain from me as my heartbeat slowed to match the fact that my eyes didn’t want to stay open any more. 

“Bed! Now!” he suddenly ordered, turned off the lights and moved from the chair, kicking off his boots before I heard his body hit the bed. Who was I to argue with a man who decided that he had done enough talking. 

In the quiet of the room, with Christian Campbell asleep beside me, I let my mind drift and it took me to a very strange place. A dark and dangerous place.

~~~~~

I walked quietly through the halls of the small house, all on one floor, entering from the living room turning right down the hallway. The den was straight ahead of me before the turn, but the room to my right along the way was the second entrance to the kitchen, the door to my left was a bathroom. At the end of the hall were three doors and I reached out a hand, pressing against the one to my left. 

I saw nothing but dark space, an empty bed and the curtains drawn. I could feel my heart beating, the way that it would if I were running a race and I held my hand out in front of me to push on the door. It opened without issue and again I was looking into nothingness, an empty room. 

The third door, the one to my right, was slightly ajar. Not like the other doors and I pushed at it slowly with my shoulder. The air in the room was thick, you could feel the evil, almost taste the magic in the air, but as my eyes scanned the room  I saw only a little. A dresser immediately to my left, a vanity to my right, two windows that took up one wall and a four-posted bed in the middle.

I heard the sounds of gasps as if someone was trying to breathe and the image of a fish out of water came to mind. As I drew closer to the bed and focused in the darkness, letting my eyes adjust, I saw Dean sprawled over the edge of the bed, one arm up by his head and one dangled off as his head leaned over the side. He was across the edge as if he had just plopped down there to rest, but it was the thing on his chest that got me.

HE was the one gasping for air as the small goblin sat there, crouching down on his lungs, pressing all of its weight on the man, cutting off his air. The bottom of the little troll looked as if it were made of concrete but its head, one that you would only imagine on a ugly little demon, was bald with pointed ears and a large smile filled with jagged teeth. It turned towards me, the grin widening as its eyes began to glow and the rest of its body turned to stone. 

I listened to the grotesque sounds of Dean’s ribs cracking under the weight of the monster and I raised my hand, the gun I held at the ready. It did nothing when I fired it off, nothing but shatter that concrete into a million pieces. I emptied the clip, listened to the clicking noise and searched my pocket for a new mag. 

Hitting the release I looked down at the clip I now held. Witch killers. What the hell was I going to do with them? The silver ones that I had in there before hadn’t done anything for me, so I was up for anything. Swallowing hard, I clipped it in, pulled back the slide and shot it three times. It roared at me as the pieces flew in millions of directions, each bullet chipped away a bigger piece and that was when I knew. 

I aimed carefully and fired. Round after round it hit the target until there was one left and the monster turned on me. Flying up from Dean’s chest it was coming at me with a sickening scream that echoed in my head and I fired off that one shot, that one last hope, before I sat up in bed.

I gasped for air and looked around, trying to hold onto the dream, knowing it was something important and I jumped off the bed, fished through my bag and pulled out the small, leather journal. Snatched the motel pen from the table and started to write. 

Everything that I saw, every little detail, was now put to paper and when I finally looked up, when I had it all down, I found I was staring into the hazel eyes of the man who had been sleeping in the bed next to mine. He looked frightened and concerned and I just swallowed, knowing the last image that I saw, just past the witch, was the dead eyes of Dean staring back at me, the blood flowing from his lips.

Christian’s arms were around me before I knew I was crying, before I felt the first shudder of a sob and that was it, I had held out long enough. I broke down in his arm, letting the last few days just really sink in and he held me there, on the floor of the motel room for a while, just until the emotion was gone, just until I was able to become numb.

~~~~~

I don’t think Christian took his eyes off me the entire time I sat at the table stirring my coffee. In fact, if I thought back, he hadn’t removed them at all since I slipped from his arms at the motel and went to go get dressed. By the time I stepped out of the bathroom, he was lacing up his boots and smiling like a little shit once more.

He was sitting the way that had become the norm for him, in my eyes anyway. Feet up on the seat beside me as he sat across, lounging low, his elbows on the arms and his hands folded on his lap, but it was the way his eyes flickered across my face, searching for signs of anything he needed to be worried about that got me and I gave him a little smile.

I could hear Jo in the kitchen, banging things around and I looked up as she swore so loud it echoed through the empty bar before my eyes landed on his.

“Maybe you should help her,” I whispered before taking a sip of the hot liquid.

“Um, hunter in a room full of knives, yeah I think not!” He laughed, but brought his feet down so that, if needed, he could sprint in and save her. “How’s your head?”

“Nothing a couple cups of coffee wouldn’t fix and maybe a call out to Jones about something.” I shrugged, putting the cup down as Jo walked out, three plates in hand and I remember when I had a waitressing job. “Nice technique.”

“Yeah, years of doing this and I don’t feel the heat anymore.” She set the plates down, one at a time in front of us, right next to the silverware that had already been set there and smiled before grabbing her own seat.

“You turn everything off this time?” Christian laughed and the unamused look crossed her face, before he raised his hand, “I’m just checking, last time you nearly burnt the place to the ground with the eggs.”

Her eyes locked on mine as I smiled, but looked down at the food in front of me and started to dig in. We sat in silence, enjoying the hot meal that was there and I was knee-deep in thoughts of the dream when I heard Christian clear his throat.

My eyes snapped up, knife in hand and I glanced at it only to see it shake before they moved up to his and the concern there. I let out a sigh, put the knife down on the table and wiped my hands with the napkin before I stood.

“Excuse me,” making my way from the table. I stopped just around the corner where the entrance to the bathroom was and leaned back against the wall. From where I was I could hear snippets of their conversation, the low worry in his voice and the strange concern in her’s.

“She’s not playing, Jo. She knows the boys and she’s practically family with Danni,” Christian growled.

“Doesn’t mean we know anything about either,” the woman replied sternly and I heard him sigh. “Listen, if you think this is really a good idea to bring her to Dean, then fine, bring her to him. But Chris, you and Sam… You should probably come back when they leave to find him.”

“We haven’t heard a word in days, don’t you think following up  _ with _ them is probably going to get us better results than trying to do all the tracking alone?” 

“She’ll show up when she needs too, like always, you know that.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t worry.” He mumbled and I took a deep breath, slowly pushed the door to the bathroom open and stepped into the dark. 

The auto lights turned on, illuminating the bathroom and I found myself standing in front of the mirror, staring into my own blue eyes, but what I saw staring back wasn’t me at all. It was Dean.

_ “Face to face, why did you come in?” _

_ He looked me over once, let his eyes settle on the fading mark on my shoulder and sighed. I watched as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees before rubbing his chin. I waited for him to finish gathering his words and finally he sat up and looked at me. _

_ “I don’t know what to say, except,” he shrugged, “I meant every word.” _

_ “You son of a bitch!” I snapped.  _

_ “Hey, if you think you are more than capable of saving your own ass I’m not going to stop you or pretend that I think you’re right.” Dean stood and walked over to me, his arms crossed as he looked down over every naked inch of my upper half before his eyes landed on mine. “You will never be close to the hunter that Charlie was and I don’t give a shit how she died on your little show or who the hell you think you are, but you swing at me again, I’ll knock you on your ass.” _

Damn, that was when I had punched him, when I had outright told him to leave me the hell alone and now I was looking for him, again, searching him out. What if he reacted that way? What if he told me that there was no way he believed me and that I could go jump off? I swallowed hard as the memory faded, but with it came new ones. Memories of Sam in a bathroom,  _ lots _ of memories with Sam in a bathroom and that scar across his stomach.

The sound of the water running when I slipped my hand under it made me jump a foot before I gained my composure and splashed some of the cold water over my heated face. I longed for them both, but the thought of seeing Sam again made my whole body ache.

Drying off, I turned and moved out of the bathroom, silently moving through the halls as I stepped up to the table and pulled out the chair. The look on both Jo and Christian’s face told me more than I wanted to know and I folded my hands together as waited.

“Dean’s going to meet us in Upland, Indiana, at about noon,” Christian stated and I looked over at him, unsure of the tone of his voice. “It’s about a three-hour drive on Route 67, so we’ll leave in about thirty minutes.”

“Finish your food,” Jo whispered, her fingers trailing lightly over my shoulder as her thumb ran down the back of my neck. My eyes widened at the touch, Christian only raised an eyebrow and gave me a smirk before I nodded, kind of compliantly and picked up the fork. The memory of Dean, of the words that he said were stuck in my mind and brought back the vision of the monster from my dreams.

This was going to be a long three hours. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When Dean Meets Ali

The bar in Upland wasn’t anything fancy. In fact, it looked ten times worse than the Roadhouse and probably could have used about twenty coats of paint and that was just to start, but it didn’t stop Christian from hopping out of the Grand Am and smiling all the way in the door, giving me one signal, which was to hold up a finger as I got out of the GTO wanting me to hold on for just a minute. 

I did what I was told, cut the engine after backing her in next to him, grabbed the key and the spectrum to slide both into their respective places. The keys in my pocket, the knife at my side. I tucked the Walther in at my back. Pulling down the light, loose tank that I wore before grabbing a flannel from the top of my bag in the back I managed to close the door gently and moved over to lean on the hood, just waiting.

I didn’t get much information about what exactly was going on except we were headed to Indiana. It was about a three-hour trip, which gave me just enough time to keep going over the dream in my head before we got there. That and listen to the way that the books I had loaded onto my drive explained to me just what it was that I was having a nightmare about. Oddly enough, the only one I wanted to discuss it with was Dean and I knew he would be there shortly, but I honestly didn’t think he would bother listening after the horror story I was going to tell him about.

I had been out there for no more than five minutes when I heard the familiar rumble coming down the road and whether or not I outwardly did it, I felt myself straighten at the noise. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath praying that I knew just what and who were approaching. 

I opened my eyes when she pulled into the lot, the sun reflected off the shine of her chrome and even if she were a bit dusty from the dry backroads, man was she a beautiful sight to see. I slipped my hands into my back pocket and just watched him park her the long way against the divider that would keep her at least somewhat safe from traffic, but he wasn’t leaving much room for errors if someone backed out of the parking spots, not that there were more than four other cars at the place to begin with.

He cut the engine, the door squeaked open and I watched him stand, holding my breath. From where I stood I saw the back of his head at what looked freshly shaved hair giving him that usual soldier look, before his broad shoulders came up covered by a light, army green canvas jacket, which I’m sure housed a black t-shirt underneath.

When he closed the door he surveyed the road before turning and coming towards the end of the car. Just his walk alone told me he had a bad night and was tired, but as he rounded the trunk, I found myself staring, trying not to smile. The boy had been working out, because those jeans fit him just a bit more snug than they used too and I was right, black tee with a maroon shirt over it. Yeah, typical Dean.

He glanced up as he went to walk by to go into the bar and at first I thought it was because he recognized me, but then I realized it was the car that I was leaning on that caught his attention. I bit my lip, no matter what, I would take him walking towards me any day.

The grin on his face told me two things, one: he definitely was looking at the car and two: he might have been trying to figure out the right kind of scheme to either get in my pants or behind the wheel. His green eyes were full of sparkle as that grin grew into his best heart-throb smile. 

“Nice ride,” he complimented and my heart nearly melted. Not because of the attraction, but because it was a voice I had been waiting months to hear again. I kept myself composed and looked him over before I glanced at Baby.

“You too,” I whispered back, and watched as he glanced back at his pride and joy.

“Yeah she’s pretty badass.” He winked and walked past me to look in the car and I waited to see his reaction to the bags in the back. “How does she handle?”

“Like a boss,” I winked and he stood straight.

“She yours?”

“I’m not a trophy wife if that’s what you’re asking,” I grinned as he moved closer and stood not more than a few feet from me putting his hands in those jacket pockets.

“Wasn’t asking, but I’m sure you’d make a fine one.” Ah, the old Winchester charm and I knew he was about to change the subject, especially with the way he was eyeing me, his attention taken away from the car. “Mind if I take her for a spin?”

“Trade you keys,” I laughed eyeing Baby like she was a thing of art. “You let me try yours and you can try mine.”

“She’s pretty special, I don’t usually let just anyone take hold of her shift.” And, here we go!

“Yeah, I get it,” and I let my fingers trail over the curve of the GTO, watched his eyes go to my movements and he shifted in front of me. I knew he was getting turned on with the visuals, but hell, this was Dean and I was in the mood to play, only because, well, again, this was Dean. “You have to have a certain finesse with this one. She likes to be ridden hard, but only because she likes to purr.”

“A beauty like her should be caressed, not manhandled,” he answered, and I watched him step forward, his fingers coming down on the hood tracing the line where the metal met before those eyes, just those eyes came up to meet me. “Sometimes you just got to show a lady like her some tender, loving care, can’t be rough and tumble all the time.”

“Have never met a man who could do that and get the sound out of her that I do.” I gave him a little grin, just a small one as I turned, leaning over the car just a bit as I noticed something on the paint and his eyes instantly went to my ass. Damn predictable Winchester, but this was all for fun. 

“Maybe you’re not letting the right men behind the wheel,” he said softly and this made me look up at him before I stood completely, dropping the leaf that had been stuck to her by my side. I gave him the once over, maybe twice before I took a deep breath and worried my bottom lip.

“Maybe not, maybe I just haven’t found the right one that can take control and ease her into it,” I shrugged. Shit, I was laying it on a bit thick. “You know, it’s hard to give it up when you know just how you like it and with her I know just when to shift.”

“Tell you what,” he said as he stepped just a little closer to me, “why don’t you let me take you for a drive. I’m sure I could help you adjust that kink or at least give you some insight on how to slow it down and enjoy it.”

“Tempting,” I reached out and touched his chest, that was just how close he was and I could instantly feel the need to touch him. Dammit, would this ever go away? Just then, as I was about to continue, I heard the door slam shut on the bar and Christian made his way towards us.

“Oh, good, you found her,” he spoke up and stopped by the passenger’s side of the car. “Dean, this is Ali, the girl I told you about.” I smiled as I watched the shock spread over his face, like he had just been handed back his balls in a jar and with that I raised my eyebrows, dropping my hand from his chest. He turned his head towards Christian, the smile wiped from his face and I looked in the direction of his cousin, but all I could see was Christian’s all-knowing grin. “I see the two of you are getting along, that’s good, cause we need to talk.”

~~~~~

Dean stared at me from across the table, his hands folded in his lap, his feet planted firmly. He was trying to be casual, except that wasn’t his style. He was tensed to run, to jump and fight, where Christian, who was sitting beside me, had his feet out on the extra chair, slumped down with his arms crossed and his head back, eyes closed just looking as if he were taking a nap.

I kicked his thigh and watched him pop one eye open to look at me when he turned his head and I gestured at the waitress who was walking over with another pot of coffee. We were sitting outside at some little bistro, enjoying something a little bit more casual than a drink at the bar, because after Dean had found out who I was the whole playful mood of “let’s see how many innuendos we can cram into talking about driving cars” came to an end.

_ “Wait, you’re Ali?” Dean had come out with and instantly that had me smiling, because I watched that dark and dangerous look fill his eyes as he scanned me over for a different reason this time, maybe to see if he remembered, but he shook his head, “and you know me?” _

_ “Yeah, it seems that way.” I replied but felt Christian move up beside me, like he was suddenly in protector mode. Something I had only seen him do with Jo and his hand went to the small of my back, right along the handle of that Walther. “He’s right though, we need to talk.” _

_ “Okay, first off, before we leave this lot, how the hell did you get my bullets?” I raised a brow and that was the question he was going with, okay, that I could handle. _

_ “Easy enough, you gave them to me,” and I pushed Chris’ hand aside as I pulled the gun out from behind my back. A gesture that had Dean reaching for his, but I held it with just my thumb and pointer on the grip, no need to get the boy alarmed. Dean swiped the gun from my hand, checked the serial number on the gun and unclipped the mags, inspecting the bullets. I expected him to give it back, but he didn’t. “Wanna just hand that back to me?” _

_ “Sorry, Lady,” and I cringed, “not until I figure out your story and how the hell you got my gun.”  _

So that was it and here we sit. Christian beside me, kind of doing the protector thing, even though he was lounging back I knew he was fully aware of everything that was going on, but it was the one across from me that I couldn’t take my eyes off from. Once the waitress had refreshed all of our cups and Dean wiped his hands, because he never seemed to get all the creamer in the cup, he looked up at me over the edge of the mug, making eye contact, which he held until he put it down.

“So, what’s your story?” He questioned and I felt the grin tug on my cheek. “You some sort of Bela?”

“No, I don’t steal from the people I know and certainly don’t sell stuff to the highest bidder.” I replied and watched the strange way he looked at me as I acknowledged his reference to Bela Talbot, but I heard Christian clear his throat before shooting dagger my way.

“Why don’t you just tell him what you told me last night,” the man beside me sighed and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah and that will go over about as well as a tornado in a manure pit!” I growled and saw Dean’s eyes flicker back and forth between us.

“Did you two sleep together?” he questioned and nearly wore my coffee. 

“No!” Christian snapped just as I replied, “Not a chance in hell”, and the hazel-eyed man turned to me. “Really, not a chance in hell?”

“Dude,” I growled and looked over at him, “you know about me and Sa… just shut up!”

“Yeah… you did,” Dean replied and gave me a look, one that told me he was onto me. “So, are we doing this or not?”

I licked my lips, steadied my feet, because yeah, I so totally wanted to run away and with a deep breath, I started. I told him everything that I could, everything that I remembered,  _ everything _ that I had told Christian the night before. All about the way we met, the vampires, Sam, the gun that he held behind his back and the way that we had left things. I told him all of it, except about Virginia, because I was still working out that kinks in that memory link.

After an hour of me talking, of him not saying a word but locking those green eyes on me, I stopped and sat back, because there really wasn’t much else to say. I watched him take a breath, shake his head and his jaw clenched. It was a classic Dean face, one of the ones that you see only when he’s about to hand you your ass or you said something very, very wrong.

“You’re lying,” he whispered and sat forward. Christian’s feet were suddenly on the ground and he was sitting up just at the tone of Dean’s voice. I smiled, nodded and grabbed my keys. 

“In that case,” I replied, because there wasn’t much more to do, “see you around.” I stood from the table, moved around the chair, patting Chris on the shoulder as I walked by and headed for the GTO across the street. From where I waited for the cars I could hear them arguing and the next thing I knew, a hand was grabbing my arm. I looked up at Dean, at the frustration in his eyes and then at the confusion about the way he touched me. “What?!”

“I wasn’t done yet,” he stated pointedly and I shook my head, snatching my arm away.

“The “You’re lying” was a pretty good hint that you were.” I answered and went to step out into the street, but he grabbed my wrist this time, sliding his hand down to mine. 

“Yeah and you didn’t let me finish my sentence,” he stepped closer, what was with this man and personal space. We had just meet  _ again _ and here he was against my back and how I longed for that feeling, but he didn’t remember. “Wanna come back and we can finish our conversation?”

I turned to look up at him, the hurt overflowing in my eyes and all I could do was shake my head. “Honestly, no, because what can you possible say to me after those words left your mouth?”

“Well, I’m sorry, for one,” he answered and this had me shocked. Dean apologizing for anything that he truly meant was something I was floored at and I rubbed my head. “Listen, maybe I jumped too soon. Maybe I didn’t listen, but it’s a shock, you know.”

“Yeah, try being me.” I mumbled and pushed at his stomach, moving him back so that I could pass him and we both found our way to the chairs once again, this time Christian was looking up at me smiling. “Oh, quit gloating!”

“Wow, you’re in a mood,” he smiled and leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Maybe Dean would be a good substitute for Sam until he gets here.”

“Screw off, Chris,” I barked and Dean glanced between us as he sat down again, but there was a flicker in his green eyes that caught my attention. Jealousy? Protectiveness? I wasn’t sure which one, but it was directed at his cousin, until it was suddenly gone. 

“Hey, my offer still stands.” The brown-haired man sat back and I let out a breath, rubbing my hands together. 

We sat silent for a moment before I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small journal I had. I unwrapped the cord, flipped through the pages and finally let it rest on the one that I was looking for. It was an entry to April 17 th , the morning after coming back from Tulsa, when I had just enough time to write something down before hopping in the car and taking off to Lawrence.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the book around, and slid it over to him.

_ April 17, _

_ I hate this, I hate feeling this way, I hate the not knowing, the anger at the fact that I want to kick his ass but pull him closer. I hate the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking and I can’t stand the way that he’s always so overbearing. I swear if Sam wasn’t there, I would take that boy and just… throttle him. The punch in the jaw wasn’t enough to keep him away, hell, what I said about Charlie was “forgiven”. I give up! I need to get away, need some space, but I can’t, I just can’t stay away from Dean. What’s worse is that as much as I hate him for all those reason, I love him for them too. Crap, three days into this and I can’t live without either Winchester, how does that happen?  _

_ Dean Winchester is going to be the death of me, if his brother doesn’t kill me first. _

Dean looked up at me, the look of wonder in his eyes as he flipped through the rest of the journal. My heart was pounding because no one had read any of those entries, ever. He stopped every time his name was mentioned or if there was an entry about him. He was closed the book not more than twenty pages later and I watched as he rested his elbows on the table, ran his hands over his face and then put them flat on the glass. 

With a frown he shook his head, looking around and I waited for whatever he was going to say next, but it seemed like he didn’t have any words, or if he did, he was just going to keep them to himself. So that was my cue. I had given him everything I possibly could to help him understand that I wasn’t lying and some of that information was about Stull, about Cas, about Charlie and the way she died and most importantly, the information about how I felt about both him  _ and _ Sam, but like I said, that was my cue.

I grabbed the book back and cleared my throat, taking his eyes off the road and back onto me. I took the journal, opened it again and flipped it to what I had put in there this morning. I looked up at him, his green eyes locking on mine and I watched as Christian leaned over to look at the way the drawing was set up.

“Can I ask you a question?” I whispered and watched the way Dean rolled his eyes. Yep, we were right back on course.  

“Sure,” he stated sarcastically.

“The case you’re working on,” I started and watched as Chris sat back, pretty positive that I was going to get myself into some deep crap that he would have to pull me out of. 

“What about it?” And there was the attitude, like I had just stepped on his nice, new, shiny shoes. I turned the book around and let him see the things I had written. They were kind of like bullet points but the way they were set up, it was like reading a report.

 

  * __Cause of death: asphyxiation__


  * _No outward signs of struggle_


  * _No outward signs of unlawful entry_


  * _No demonic, spectral or supernatural signs detectable by EMF_


  * _No physical abnormalities on the Vic_



 

His eyes glared up at me from over the top of the journal, before he lowered it slowly, his lips a thin line of anger and a mix of curiosity. 

“So you got the coroner’s report, so what? What am I supposed to do with this?” he questioned, but it was his tone of voice that told me I had hit on something that he had missed.  

“She didn’t get the report, Cuz,” Christian sat forward and took the cup of coffee from the table. “I watched her write it this morning and I was with her all night.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed, Chris?” he snarked and the two shared a grin, but I shook my head and snatched the book back. 

“Well, considering she didn’t know you were going to be in Upland until we left the parking lot of Jo’s, I think impressed ought to be an understatement.” The man beside me smiled and that little bit of information had Dean’s eyes narrowing at me. 

“Okay, so you got my case, so what?”

“You haven’t figured out what it is yet, have you?” I questioned softly and watched as he picked up the mug.

“I got three deaths, Ali, and the same pattern that you described, but I haven’t got anything that would point me as to why those people.” He shrugged. “Nothing new, just got to work out the deets.”

“Yeah, but Sam isn’t with you. So what kind of timeline are you looking at?” I whispered and watched him raise a brow at my boldness. Giving him a minute, I kind of just sat there waiting, “Okay, so let’s play twenty questions.”

“What’s your game?” Dean snapped and I literally kicked him under the table. “Ow!”

“There’s no game. This is you and me discussing a case as hunters, Dean. Not trying to get on your good side, not trying to get in your jeans, just wanna get something off my chest and the only way to do that, is to give you what I got. So, you can take it or leave it.” I replied and watched Christian smirk. I don’t know why the guy thought everything was so damned funny. Dean looked over at Christian and shook his head.

“Okay,” he said, his voice deep with a bit of mistrust. “What do you got?”

“So,” I whispered and flipped to the information I had written down. “I’m going to assume that you have three vics that you know about, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t more.” This caught Dean’s attention as well as Christian’s since he was pulling the chair closer to the table. “The pattern for this over the years has been pretty wonky at best. I mean, you have three in a row leading up to, what? Nothing, there’s not even a celestial event going on anytime soon. So, I dug back in the archives, or at least, I had Jones dig back.”

“Jones?” Christian laughed, “does he even know how to operate a computer?”

I looked at the hazel eyed man beside me. “He could kick your ass at D&D if you ever got your elf-loving ass out of the forest!” I snapped at him and smiled since the one on Christian’s face faded, but Dean looked at me confused. “Jones dug up a secret gamer account for your cousin on a Dungeon and Dragons website.”

“Really?” Dean snarked and gave Christian a “you’ve got to be joking” kind of look, but the man beside me just shrugged. “So, a pattern, what kind of pattern.”

“Every eight years or so there is a rise in deaths caused by suffocation, asphyxiation and other forms of breathing issues. Most are chalked up to sleep apnea or choking, a couple of them are listed as erotic, but they all fall around the same time every year, give or take.”

“And this Jones guy got all of this for you?” Dean sat forward and reached out of the journal in front of me before I slowly slid it to him. 

“Actually, he only got the old coroner reports. I kind of figured out what it was by myself.” I admitted.

“What?” Dean looked up from flipping the pages and stared at me, “How?”

“A really loud nightmare,” Christian growled and shook his head. I rolled my eyes at him and then went back to look at the way Dean’s hand slowly turned the page. “Seriously, at first I thought it was a sex dream until the moaning turning into well, something else.”

“SHUT UP!” I sneered at him through clenched teeth, but I was smiling as I did so since I was getting used to his teasing. “Listen, I know it’s weird but I’ve been having dreams for days now. I just haven’t told anyone, this thing, it’s going to hit again and I’m pretty sure I know where.”

“Do you even know what it is?” Dean questioned as he flipped the last page of the notes and came to a hand-drawn sketch of a goblin sitting on the chest of a woman. It was an old picture, one that just went with the creature, but didn’t truly depict it. “A bakhtak? Seriously?”

“Night hag mythology is seen around the world and explains everything that we know is fact in this case. All of the points listed in there point right to it,” I shrugged and sat back, waiting for him. Dean looked up at me from under his lashes, those green eyes locked on mine as he glanced over at his cousin once more.

“So, how sure are you that this is what I’m tracking?”

“Because I’ve seen it,” I whispered and this was what made it a terrifying night, “it was sitting on your chest.”

“Really?” he said in disbelief and then a smile formed on his lips, “do you actually think I’m that kind of amateur?” 

“Listen, Dean,” I sighed, leaned back in the chair and stretched to try and work out the stress in my shoulders. I was annoyed so I rubbed my eyes at the same time, but that got a sound from the man beside me and I sat up as fast as I could before I glanced over at him then the man across from me, who was giving me that look once again. The kind of look where you didn’t know if you were dinner or dead.  “Okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t know the content of the dream, just what I saw of it. Not the how or why, but I know the what and I know the where.”

“Okay, so spill, how do we kill it?”

“Well, you have to summon it first,” I answered, sat forward in the chair and flipped through the book, feeling the light touch of Christian’s hand on the small of my back, a way to make me feel more grounded and I thought of Dean as I sucked in a breath. Yeah, they weren’t related at all. “So,” I cleared my throat, “like I said, you summon it, by saying the “Lord’s Prayer” backwards.”

“And then what?” Dean snapped and I looked up at him, staring into those green eyes as he also moved closer, the two of us not more than a foot apart and I could almost smell him, everything that made me remember who he was and I closed my eyes.

“Got any more of those witch killing bullets?” I smiled and watched as he raised an eyebrow. Yeah, this was going to be a long night.  

~~~~~

Christian stood by the back quarter panel of the car, his arms crossed as I tossed things around in the backseat. I was trying to find something useful in the bag that I had put back there and also wanted to stuff my journal back in it’s place. As I put back my journal I saw the photos of the boys, Danni and I standing next to the Impala. 

I stood straight, put my hand on the roof of the car and sighed at the pictures. Christian looked over at them, turned more to get a better angle and I watched as he tilted his head out of the corner of my eyes.  

“That her?” He questioned, and I gave him a slight smile.

“Yeah, that’s Danni.” I sighed and slid the picture closer, before he took it from my hand as if he wanted to inspect it closer. “Wish to hell I knew where she was.”

“I’m sure information will pop up soon,” he said softly, but there was just a small tone in his voice that I couldn’t place. Both of us looked up as Dean made his way over from the car, lowering his phone and putting it in his pocket. “Sup, Cuz?”

“Sam’s not going to be back this way for a few days, having some issues down south.” Dean’s eyes had locked on mine as Christian continued to look down at the photo and I watched as he reached by behind his back before taking my hand. Slowly Dean placed the Walther in my hand and wrapped my fingers around the handle. “You keep this, make sure you always have it loaded and we’ll see where we go from here. If I gave it to you once, I did it for a reason.”

“Yeah and it wasn’t because you weren’t the biggest pain in the ass I know.” I mumbled and watched as a slight smile crossed his lips. “Dean, I…” I paused and shook my head, “You gotta do me a favor as this goes, cause I’m not sure how it works for you. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure it out for myself. Will you promise me if you remember anything, you’ll tell me?”

“If I remember anything I’m sure you’ll be the first to know because it will be a “what the hell” kind of situation.” He smiled, and slowly let go of my hand. “So, what’s the plan?”

I glanced over at Christian, snatched the photo from him and tossed it in the car before I took a step back and looked at both of them. “How do you guys feel about a slumber party?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Can I braid your hair?

I searched the area on Google Earth for the house in my dream. While I knew the interior layout of the house by the way the dream had played out, I could also see the exterior as if I had walked up to it at some point during the sequence of events. 

It was a small, one-story with clapboard siding, an off-white almost tan color with an overgrown trellis and a detached garage. Not that I really wanted to know every detail, but what I got from it was something I could use. Christian watched me from the chair across the table in the hotel room littered with Dean’s things and he pushed an empty beer bottle across the surface, getting a look of annoyance from me as I glanced over the top of the keyboard.

Going back to the search I was able to narrow down the area to one neighborhood on the southside of town. At that point Christian started making noises with his mouth. He did it for about a minute before I couldn’t take it anymore and I glared at him from the computer again.

“Dude! Seriously!” I snapped and listened to Dean laugh from the edge of the bed where he was cleaning his gun. I pushed the chair away and stood, made my way to the fridge and leaned over to look in, which was my first mistake. “Stop staring at my ass!” And this got a scoff from Dean and a little bit of laughter from Christian as I crouched down instead, which was mistake number two because there was my daughter’s tattoo right about the waist of my jeans. “I can still feel you staring!”

“Hey, Ali,” Dean spoke up, cutting the tension in the room as I stole a water out of the fridge before I closed it, sat down and leaned against the vibrating machine.

“Yeah,” I whispered, putting my head back as I looked at him.

“What have you been doing all these months?”

Oh, God, did I even want to get into it? I looked down at the bottle in my hand and sighed. “Trying to break free.”

“Of what?” the words were concern, confusion, which got me to look up at him again.

“I did something, I guess, something that I’m still trying to remember myself,” I whispered, took a drink of the water to pause and shook my head. “It’s kind of left a fog for me for a while. I think he said this was about the ninth time that I’ve broken through and apparently the only time it’s stuck.”

“So, what, all your memories were gone?” Christian questioned.

“Not so much gone as altered,” I shrugged because that was as close as I could get to what I could remember. “We never met in those memories, you, me, Sammy and Danni, we didn’t know each other.”

“What changed it?” Dean questioned.

“A dream,” I whispered, and my thoughts flashed back to what I could pull from it. “Sam and I were walking through some old apartment building. The place was deserted and completely torn up. It had been that way for a while. He had the gun and a knife, one that I didn’t recognize. I knew you were close, but I don’t think you were hunting.”

“Was I bait?” Dean growled, “cause I hate being the bait!”

I smiled and shook my head, “I never got that far enough into it. I just know you were there and we were close to you. Anyway, something jumped from one of the rooms and Sam wrestled with it. I mean, the thing was as big as a bear but he was taking it on. The problem was, there was a second one. Smaller maybe, but not by much. It came after me and that distracted him. The thing swung catching Sam in the chest and the monster had him pinned.” I cleared my throat and took a second to catch my racing heart. “He shot it, I know that, because he was suddenly pushing the damn thing off him before he turned the gun towards me and pulled the trigger.”

“ _ At  _ you?” Dean’s voice was filled with shock, but I just shrugged.

“I don’t know, as soon as the gun fired, I woke up saying his name,” I rubbed my forehead and adjusted where I sat. “That was when I started to remember again.” I stood from the spot and made my way over to the computer where I slapped at Christian’s legs to get them off the chair. “So, I think I narrowed down where this house is.”

It was time for a subject change, because the more I looked at Dean the more tempted I was to touch him and that itch was driving me crazy. Christian kicked my shin lightly and I looked up at him, watching the way his brow went up. The non-verbal cues I had been picking up from Christian had made him much easier to read. This kick was a  _ what the hell _ in my direction and my response was a resounding  _ just drop it _ look right back at him.

“Okay, you sure you two don’t need some alone time?” Dean spoke up and both of us whipped our heads in his direction. Christian grinned, raised an eyebrow in my direction and I just shook my head. “Seriously, because the tension between the two of you is really starting to bug me.”

“Jealous or turned on?” I questioned, going back to the computer and just that quickly I could smell his aftershave close to my cheek. Dean leaned over me from behind, pressing his chest to my shoulders and while I knew he wanted to say something along the lines of the comment, I watched his finger reach up and point out a house.

“That’s it.” He growled low in my ear and I expanded the screen. Sure as hell, that was the house in my dreams, but how did he… “That was the house they found the woman in two years ago.”

“Right, one of those  _ not your pattern _ deals,” I replied and grabbed the journal flipped it open and looked at the names I had been collecting. “Mary Alquist, 247 Melbrooke Avenue, died two years ago this week, and that’s the house from my dreams.”

“You sure you didn’t dream this up  _ after _ you looked up her name?” he asked sarcastically and I turned my head towards that cheek, barely missing his skin with my lips and I whispered to him.

“Stay here or don’t, Winchester, I don’t give a crap, but tonight I’m going in there, with or without you.” I pushed back the chair, bumping him back and out of my way as I grabbed the keys and made my way out of the room.

“Way to piss her off, Dean!” Christian snapped.

I heard his boots on the walk just as I opened the door to the GTO. “Hey! Where are you going?”

I turned around and looked at Dean, one foot already on the floorboards of the car and I shrugged. “For a drive, maybe, possibly to a bar. I don’t know, but right now I don’t want to be near you.”

“What the hell did I say?” I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment to regroup and cleared my throat.

“It’s not what you said,” I whispered, “it’s what you did.” Okay, so that got him to give me an even more screwed up look as I shook my head. “You’re not going to remember it so it doesn’t matter, but when you do, you’ll get it.”

“Doesn’t explain crap to me, Porter.” He growled and stepped closer. I watched him reach out when he was just the right distance away and his fingers went down my upper arm. A gesture that I looked down at, which caught his attention and he fisted up his hands. “You have a pull on me,” he said softly, “something I don’t particularly care for, but I know it’s towards you. Now, I want one answer and one answer only from you before I drop it until I start remembering or whatever you expect me to be doing.”

“Okay,” was all I gave him.

“What was I to you?” I watched the confusion in his eyes, because I know that was how he felt. I watched him lick his lips, then worry the bottom one just a little before his eyes locked on the hand that I had placed on the door. “I keep getting this vision and it’s bothering the hell out of me, because if we were so close, why would I have thought of doing anything like it.”

“What vision?” Now my curiosity was amped up.

“I had you against a wall, knife to your throat and all I can feel is this overwhelming urge,” his eyes moved to lock on mine.

“To kill me?” I smiled.

“To save you,” he whispered, “to protect you, to take on the world for you…” He fought to find the words for a moment, before his lips parted, “to put you before anything else.”

“Except Sam,” I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, that kind of sums up what you were to me.”

“But,” he stopped me quickly before I slipped down in the seat and I turned my gaze up to him as he leaned over the door. “Why?”

“Because, Dean,” I grinned, “we were family.”

“Family doesn’t feel like that, Ali,” he whispered.

“We’re not exactly normal.” I replied, and pulled the door shut, getting him to back off before I cranked the engine over, gave him a quick salute and pulled out of the parking lot.

~~~~~

I shouldn’t have left Dean, probably shouldn’t have left Christian either, especially since the little bastard had jacked my number and wouldn’t stop texting me, but I had to get out. So here I sat, leaning against the grill of the GTO, a cup of coffee in my hand thinking about the memory that Dean had. One that I remembered, but the hazy feelings around it were still there. Dean with me against a wall and a knife involved couldn’t be anything but bad, but then again, Dean with me against a wall at any point in this line of thinking couldn’t be anything but very, very bad!

I was still working out the level of need that I had for him, the strange feeling of craving his touch and while I knew that it wasn’t a sexual thing, it still made me wonder just what the hell it was. I didn’t lie to him, we were family. At least, that was everything that we had been up until I had left for home that week in April, so where was this new vision coming from, this new memory?

_ I could smell the scent of his cigarette, listened to the way he exhaled and I closed my eyes, placing my head back against the wall. A moment past, the sound of him taking it in and breathing it out filled me and I felt the beat of my heart slow as I concentrated on that sound, let it fill me, until the scent of him was too close and I could feel the cold metal edge of a blade against the skin of my throat. _

_ “Do it,” I whispered, keeping my eyes closed as I suddenly felt the heat of his body. He was pressing against me, keeping me locked to the wall, my arms crossed under his weight and the security of the blanket. I wasn’t a threat to him, but when I opened my eyes I could almost see the light in him, the way his blood flowed and I blinked it away as fast as I could and then repeated my words. “Do it.” _

_ “Do you really have that much of a death wish?” He questioned and I felt his resolve falter. My heart dropped and I licked the dryness of my lips, breathing in deeply to take him in. “What are you doing here?” _

_ “I was called here,” I whispered and my eyes flashed towards the corner of the building. “Her binding spell, her thoughts, they called out to me. Your heart… its beat, I can hear it in my head.” _

His heartbeat? I could hear his heart beating? What the hell kind of power was I hopped up on? From what I got from the memory I was just as dangerous as being close to him was becoming, but the thought of the blade in his hands, the one that was pressed against me brought on another memory and this one, this one, really sent me for a loop.

_ Dean had fallen to his knees, but I still heard the way his knife lifted from the ground and mine was instantly at his throat. _

_ My hand grasped hold of his hair, yanking his head back as the edge of the blade rested under Dean’s chin. My breathing heavy from the exertion, but I smiled at the clever man because as I held him still at the head his hand had managed to come up and the edge of his demon blade lay pressed against the main artery that ran the length of the inside of my thigh. His other hand gripped the outside of the same one tightly and I could feel his fingers digging in. _

_ “What do you have, some sort of twisted case of Stockholm’s?” I growled at him, giving his hair a tug, and I looked down at his bruised cheek, the blood that streamed from his split lip. “How did you find me?” _

_ “I heard your heartbeat,” Dean whispered and shook his head, suddenly stopping as the movement twisted the hair in my fingers, causing him more pain. “Ali,” his voice was pleading and his fingers kneaded the tight muscle in my thigh as he looked up at me, “you need to stop this.” _

_ “So you keep saying, but it isn’t going to stop Dean. It isn’t going to go away!” I leaned down as I felt the blade on my leg slip away and then it fell against the concrete. _

_ I breathed into his ear, shivering at the feeling of him so close, but he needed to know just how dangerous this was, how dangerous I had become and I pressed my lips there, close enough so that he could hear the growl in my voice. _

_ “Stay. Away. From me!” I snapped at him, but didn’t move away. _

_ My lips brushed against him, his warm breath seemed to fill me as I took in the taste of him. Dean was a warrior through and through and the feel of his mouth against mine was almost too much. Just the brush of them together wouldn’t be enough, he would see through that, but he might associate it with the demon in the warehouse. No, I needed more. My free hand captured him under his chin as the one in his hair tightened and I kissed him with everything I had. It wasn’t passion, it wasn’t need, it was anger, pure and simple, but he leaned up into it as my tongue traced his lips and the kiss deepened. _

_ I growled against him, a deep-throated thing that made me sound possessive and suddenly I backed away, releasing him from my hold and with my body exhausted and fighting to stay standing I wiped the blood from under my lips with the back of my hand. His eyes were locked on mine, searching for something human and I let the power flicker across, let the vision change to see that I wasn’t coming back, not anytime soon and his eyes went wide. _

_ “Next time, Dean, I won’t take that blade away, so stop listening to my heart, stop following that vibration. Because the next time you and I meet like this, you better be ready to use that blade. Ali won’t be here anymore!” _

I felt the tears in my eyes as the darkness raged through me, I could feel it in every fiber of my being, and slowly I let out a breath. What the hell had I done? What had I become? Kissing Dean?  _ DEAN? _ Telling him to stay away, telling him that I wouldn’t be there anymore. What the hell didn’t I remember about the rest of the week?

My lips quivered as I slowly brushed the tears from my cheek and shook my head. This was starting to be one of the worst ideas I had ever come up with.  _ I should have listened to Cas, _ my thoughts whispered to me for about the thousandth time since I had arrived.  _ I should have never come to find them. _

~~~~~

Christian looked at me as pulled into the lot. The Impala was gone and only the Grand Am sat in its spot, but he was looking pretty pissed off. I cut the engine, got out and slowly made my way towards him, intending to walk past, but he caught my arm, making me glance up at him and he sighed.

“He left right after you did… to check out the house.” He explained casually, but I just smiled and shook my head.

“I don’t care.” I sighed and watched as he gave me that small little grin.

“Yeah you do or you wouldn’t have bothered to come looking for him in the first place.” He had a point and he dropped his hold so that I was finally able to walk inside.

The whole room smelled like Dean with a hint of Christian, especially when I went to lay down on the bed that he had been sitting on before. Why two double beds when he was hunting alone? Not something I wanted to really know or cared to know, but when I put my head on the pillow I instantly rolled onto my stomach and pressed my nose into it. Yep this was definitely his bed.

“I need sleep, Chris,” I whispered and most of it was mumbled by the fabric, but I heard him snicker.

“Yeah, ya do,” he replied and pulled the chair closer to the bed so that he could look out the window, but he stayed close. “I’ll keep an eye out, you get some rest.”

“I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.” I growled at him the best I could as the heaviness of sleep started to take me.

“Oh, of that I have no doubts, Kid, no doubts at all.” His voice faded off as I fell into the blackness, thankful for a dreamless sleep, but it was the voices in the room that had me coming to or at least to just this side of consciousness and I realized just how many times my brain let me do this and still catch enough REM sleep to function. Christian’s voice came through first, since he seemed so close. “You know you can’t work the case and figure this crap out on your own, Man, right?”

“We’ve been doing just fine without her, Chris, it wouldn’t be like anything changed.” Dean’s voice was full of emotions, definitely confusion. “Look, it’s not that I don’t want to help her find… whoever, or whatever she’s looking for, but another liability? I don’t think I could take another hunter’s death on my conscious.”

“This one isn’t going anywhere and you know it,” Christian’s sarcastic tone was almost a laugh. “I don’t think she’s as weak as you believe, Dean.”

“I don’t think she’s weak!” he snapped, “I never said she was weak. In fact,” he paused, “I think she’s the furthest thing from it. I just don’t know why and I don’t like not knowing why.”

“I know, man of action and details, I keep forgetting you’re a closet genius.”

“Man, I wish Sam was here.” Dean sighed and I heard his phone tap on the table.

“Yeah, well, I’m kinda glad he’s not.”

“You two really need to get past this crap and get over it. We’re family, we’re all we got left.”

“Right,” the change in Christian’s voice had me on edge. What the hell had happened? “If I did to you what he did to me, you think you would be able to  _ get over it _ ?” Oh, I was curious now. “It was only two years ago, Dean.”

“Yeah, I know, two years and a girl you barely knew.” Dean’s voice sounded as if he were about to laugh, but definitely had a smile on his face. “I’m not playing it off, but you knew her for all of about a week before Sam came home.”

“And boom, he was on her like a leach.”

“I’m not going to defend my brother against something like this, he’s a big kid, he can do it himself, but really, we need each other, all of us. You, me, Jo and Sam. We’re all we got left.”

“Not true,” and I heard Dean sigh. “You have her now, you have Cas, if you would get your head out of your ass and talk to him.”

Cas? Christian knew about Cas?

“I don’t know where he disappeared to after Dad…” Dean paused, “look it doesn’t matter, prayer is a two-way street. I pray, he shows up, I call, he answers… silence on either end, doesn’t work that way.”

“Maybe he’s been preoccupied with something else.”

“What else could an angel be preoccupied with? I mean, it’s not like he’s got a romantic interest. I can barely get him to look at a chick in a short skirt, forget him getting involved with someone romantically.” Dean scoffed.

“When did you start caring about who Cas was shacking up with?” Christian laughed.

“I don’t know, something he said in Virginia gave me the impression that he was preoccupied with someone and it wasn’t Dad.” Hmm, wonder who he was talking about right there? “I mean, I’m glad we made up, it’s cool. I appreciate all he did to keep Dad out of trouble, but it’s been over two months.  Where the hell did he go?”

“If I could venture to guess,” Christian started and that was the end of his sentence.

“No way!” Dean snapped rather quickly. “No… no, you’re joking right?”

“Think about it, Dean, really, something made her forget, something is helping her remember. If that doesn’t sound like some major angel mojo, then honestly.” Christian’s speculations were more on target than he knew, but I wasn’t going to confirm them. Or deny them for that matter, but I knew one thing, I wasn’t going to be the one to bring him up.

“You think Cas was swinging it with Ali?”

“No, Man, she’s got some hardcore feelings for you and your brother, there’s no way she would even think of Cas,” I heard him take in a breath, “But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t there helping her.”

“You know for once, I wish he wouldn’t be such a dick and come out and ask for help.” Dean’s growl made me want to smile, but I was content to listen. “So, if he was helping her, why isn’t he here now? Why not just give her back everything instead of her piecing stuff together? You should have seen her face, I mean, there were moments today when you could tell she was trying to catch something, but it was just slipping back.”

“I didn’t know you were watching her that hard.”

“Shut up!” But he was right, I didn’t notice either. “Yeah, I was watching her, I can’t help it. I don’t get it and I don’t like it. I don’t like needing someone this bad, Chris and the fact that I don’t understand it really has me on edge.” I heard a bottle hit the table. “It’s affecting me and that’s just going to get in the way.”

“She’s not a liability, Dean, she’s a hunter and if that werewolf in Summerford was any indication, she’s a hell of a good one.”

“How the hell did she get out of your sight. I told you to watch her.”

“Yeah, well, she’s a slippery one.” He had turned towards me because his voice was just a bit louder.

“Going out for a smoke, we got stuff to do, might want to wake her up.” Dean replied and I heard the door open.

“What’s the matter, afraid of a little skin to skin?” Christian teased.

“I’m afraid of a lot of things, skin to skin ain’t one of them, but with her,” he paused. “It’s intense, okay, it’s just intense.”

With that the door closed and after a moment, felt the weight on the bed and Christian’s finger against my temple.

“I know you’re not sleeping, but if you don’t open your eyes I might just have to lick your face!”

And with that my eyes were open. I was staring at him as he squatted down with his chin on the bed not two feet from me.

“You’re gross!” I mumbled and rolled over away from him. I heard him stand and suddenly, he slapped me across the ass hard enough for it to sting something awful. Glaring at him as I rolled over, he winked and headed towards the bathroom. “ASSHOLE!”

“You know it, baby!” he stated before he closed the door and I grabbed the pillow to put it over my face, rubbing my hand on the tingling part of my cheek as I moaned.

~~~~~

The phone was set on the table, my knee was bouncing and I was writing in my journal, copying the Lord’s Prayer as legibly as possible so that I didn’t have a hard time reading it backwards when the time came, but it was Jones flipping through pages on the speaker that was starting to get on my nerves.

“Jones!” I snapped and this got Dean and Christian to look up at me as the pages stopped flipping and I took a deep breath. “You’re not helping, pick a page and stay on it for two seconds.”

“What’s got your bra all knotted up?” Dean questioned and I rolled my eyes and my head in his direction.

“Ever try to write a prayer backwards?” I snapped, watched Christian smile and shake his head, before I went back to the words on the computer screen. “Jones, tell me you got something? You’ve been flipping through books for an hour and we’re getting down to the wire.”

“Okay, this is what I got for ya,” he said as he cleared his throat. “The Night Hag, summoned by reciting the Lord’s Prayer backwards at the witching hour by… huh, didn’t see that one coming.”

“Oh, God, what now?” I growled.

“Looks like you might be waiting another night to do this, Angel.” He said with a bit of sadness. “Calls for dandelion tops, mallow and Rowan berries.”

“Easy enough,” Christian spoke up, as if it were no problem what-so-ever to find Rowan anything in the middle of the night in Indiana, but I watched as he got up and grabbed his keys. “Anything else on that herb list, Jones?”

“You goin’ out?” The older man questioned.

“I know someone who knows a little something,” Chris smiled.

“Okay, you’re gonna need some stones too, so I’ll text them to you, Gandalf.” I was the one that smiled this time as the grin faded from the man in the room, who shook his head and headed out the door. “Okay, now this is where it gets tricky.  Ali, you’re gonna need some help.”

“I got Dean, isn’t that torture enough?” I looked over at the green-eyed man who was polishing his gun.

“He’s not going to do you any good,” and this made Dean stop, “you need two other ladies to help.”

“Son of a bitch!” I sighed and put my head down on the table.

“You just need their voices looks like,” he laughed and I picked my head up.

Just their voices? Huh! I think I knew just who to call…


	9. Chapter 9

Tit for tat!

Dean sat in his usual way at the edge of the bed with his knees wide and elbows down on his thighs as he listened to me practice the stupid prayer over and over. We only needed the voices, but there was no way I was getting this down in the next two hours and I finally had it and stopped recording. Tossing the pen on the table I turned in my chair and looked at him, catching the way he eyed me over.

“I never thought I would say that an exorcism was easier to perform than this crap!” I huffed and ran my hand through my hair.

“Summoning demons isn’t supposed to be easy, you know.” Dean grinned.

“You would think it would be though,” I mimic the way he sat for just a moment, before getting up to stretch. “You would think that they would want you to bring them into the world and make it harder to take them out, not the opposite.”

“You think exorcising demons is easy?”

I stopped when he said this. Having passed him I was now standing in front of the second bed with my back to him. I tucked my hands into the back of my jeans before I spun on my heels, walked over and sat next to him on the bed, having the sudden need to be close to him. Dean looked down at me, but he didn’t move.

“It’s becoming easier,” I whispered, my eyes met his. “The first time I tried, I forgot the words, nearly had my ass handed to me. Now, I can recite it like it’s a song, second nature. Yeah, it’s not supposed to be easy, but it is.”

“Hmm,” he said softly, “you kinda sound like Sammy,” but I could hear the loneliness in his voice.

“How long have you two been apart? I mean, usually it’s the Sam and Dean show and to find out you’re working separate cases… what happened?” I watched him lower his head, his eyes locking onto his fingers as he picked at his nail of his middle finger.

“Ah,” he smiled, “we got into it. Nothing major, I thought this one was our kind of thing and he didn’t. He blew up, found one further south and we decided that maybe we needed a break.”

“A break?” I said in disbelief and he sat up to look me in the eyes. He stared into them for a second, but then that gaze lowered to my lips before coming back up and I moved over just a little bit, putting some distance between us. Unfortunately, it got a different reaction than I thought it would, he frowned. “Look, Dean, no offense, but the closer I sit to you, the more I want to…”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“It’s not sex,” I growled and stood up shaking my head. “I mean, you felt it right? You said it yourself, you have a pull towards me. Well, it’s the same way for me. I need you and I don’t know why because it’s always been there and I just accept it, but…” I closed my eyes, “sometimes it’s too much.”

“But it’s not sex,” he smiled.

“If it was, do you honestly think you would be sitting there dressed?” I snapped and his eyes grew wide with a smile, but the words had escaped me and I know I turned three different shades of red. “When we first met, you told Sam that you had a feeling about me…”

“I don’t go on feelings, Ali,” he stated lowly.

“Yeah, I get that and Sam said the same thing,  _ since when do you go on feelings _ and it was probably because I wasn’t giving into you.” I smiled and watched his eyes lock on mine.

“Not once?”, he asked. I shook my head. “Something this strong and not once have we…”

“I told you, it’s not that way.” I shrugged, but I couldn’t tell him about Sam, not yet. “You said it was a need to protect me, to keep me close and that it’s just that, a need, but… we still don’t know where it’s from.”

“You think it’s magic, you know, someone playing with a spell?”

“No, after five months, especially with the time we were apart and now without the memories, the spell would have run its course.” I said softly and scratched the back of my head. “If this is how I have to live to keep you near, Dean, I’m okay with that, just as long as I know you’re part of me.”

“I wish I could say that, Ali,” he stood and placed his hands on my shoulders before moving them up closer to my neck, his thumbs caressing the pulse there, “but until I remember more or get comfortable enough with this whole screwed up idea, I can’t promise anything.”

“I know,” I sighed and he let me go, one hand releasing me slowly as his fingers trailed over my collarbone before he disappeared outside. He was doing exactly what his body told him to, crave the touch, give in, but he didn’t even realize it and my heart skipped a beat.

~~~~~

I paced the parking lot, looked at my watch and sighed. Where the hell were they? When I called they said they weren’t that far off, so how far off was not that far off?

It was then that I watched a little “peanut” of a car pull into the hotel and I shook my head. How did I know she hadn't done what I suggested? Which  _ was get a new car _ , but Birdy was tough, machetes and all, and I smiled as it came to a halt in front of me.

Birdy stepped out first, her short-cropped hair helped keep the baddies from grabbing a hold of her but it was also brought out the blueness of her eyes and she stripped the coat off to leave on the front seat.

Out of the passenger’s side Reese, lovingly going by the name of Arrow by those of us who knew her and her infatuation with the sharp pointy projectiles, shook her head as she looked at me in classic fashion. Yeah, they had made it here in record time and she was just about to kill Birdy for it, but she grinned as she approached and wrapped me in a hug.

“We were surprised to hear from you little sis,” she said lovingly, because, yeah, I was everyone of Jones's Hunters little sister. Birdy came over and hugged me to. “I'm just glad you could make it on such short notice. I know this is a little bit…” I started, but Arrow put her hand on my cheek.

“This is you Ali.” Arrow laughed. “Every request you've ever made has been a little odd.”

I smile at her hoping that she wouldn't think anything of it as I turned and walked into the room where the boys were sitting. Dean on the bed and Christian at the table in his usual position with his feet up on the other chair.

The boys paid attention as the three of us walked into the room. They were just staring at the girls as the girls stared back at them, but I cleared my throat and decided that, yeah, introductions definitely were in order.

“Dean, Christian, this is Birdy and Arrow, two of the finest Hunters that you can find on the east coast.” I smiled and watched as they exchanged hellos, but Dean looked at me just a little bit funny as I sat down next to him on the bed. Turning to look at all four of the people that now occupied the room with me, I took a deep breath and decided it was time to explain exactly what was going on. “So, this is what I called you for. We have a night hag issue and the only way to summon one is for three women to sit in a circle and sing Kumbaya the stroke of midnight backwards.”

“I didn't come here to sing campfire songs,” Arrow spoke up and leaned against the door with her arms crossed which made me laugh. “Are you going to tell us what we really came here for, or are you just going to yank our chain.”

“Okay, so it's not exactly Kumbaya,” I admitted and watched her roll her eyes, “it's more of the Lord's Prayer backwards.”

“And exactly why would we want to call a night hag anywhere in the vicinity of where we're standing?” Birdy questioned.

“Because people are dying.” Dean spoke up. “We got three dead so far, a laundry list of potential victims in the past eight years and no way of stopping this. Unless we do it this way, we never know when it's going to show up and we don't know where it's going to be. So, the best way to do it, is to summon it to us.”

“Okay,” Arrow spoke up. “So, we're going to summon a witch in the middle of nowhere to gank it?”

“Yeah that's pretty much the gist of it.” Christian added. “If you ladies don't think you can handle it, we can take care of it on our own.” And this remark got an eye roll from Arrow, which made me giggle, but I watched as Dean gave me a dirty look. “Just saying.”

“So when do we do this.” Birdy questioned and that got me to smile as I bumped Dean with my arm.

 

~~~~~

 

For the next 20 minutes I explained to Birdy and Arrow exactly what the plan would entail. After we were all clear on the plan, we decided it was time to head out. Being the Good Samaritan that he was, Christian decided that it would be best to go with the girls in their car and I was stuck with Dean in the Impala.

“You gonna be okay?” He questioned as he watched the road and not me for the first time that day, but this got just a scoff from me as I slipped the gun out of my belt and checked the mags.

“Sure, I mean we’re only going to a house from my dreams where I watched a goblin sit on your chest and practically squash the life out of you, what could I possibly not be okay about?” I growled and suddenly felt his hand brush mine before he put it back on the steering wheel. “I’ll be better when it’s over and I can finally say “Yay, my dreams aren’t prophetic at all,”.”

He had nothing to say in return, what could he say, I was being perfectly honest. This house, this case, scared the living crap out of me and mostly because in the dream there wasn’t anything I could do to stop Dean from dying.

~~~~~ 

The house looked exactly like it did in the picture, there was no disputing that. This was the house from my dreams. It made my hands shake to grab the door and push it open, but the older Winchester was there by my side the instant I stepped foot onto the property. I could feel his hand on the small of my back before I glanced up at him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked in a low voice close to my ear.

“I'm not sure I want to do any of this.” I replied and watched as he handed me the Spectrum blade.

“Well keep this besides you and know that I'll be just down the hall.” That light whisper against my cheek told me everything I needed to know, He would never leave my side and if he had to he would always be there to protect my back.

The layout of the house was exactly like my dreams. As you entered through the front door the living room was off to your right, just through the living room on the left was the kitchen and a hallway took up the main space.

Birdy and Arrow set down our supplies in the middle of the living room while Christian made his way down to the first bedroom on the left just past the den. I follow Dean past the room Chris had ducked in and noticed that the entrance in the kitchen, to the third bedroom, and the one that I had found him in where exactly in the same location as in my dream.

I stopped at the door of the middle bedroom, the one directly at the end of the hall, and I started to shake. Did I really want Dean to go in there alone? Did I really want him to deal with the night hag like he did in my dream? Couldn't I just keep him safe and out of this hunt? I don't understand why it had to be him at all. Why couldn't it have been me?

Dean turn to look at me after opening the door and he paused before he reached up and touched my cheek with the pads of his fingers. Feeling the heat from his hand, I leaned into his touch. How could I ever get used to the feeling of having him so close and did I even want too?

“You can do this Kid.” He whispered to me and I felt his forehead against my temple as I closed my eyes.

Yeah, this wasn't making it any easier to have to do what I needed to get this case done and off our shoulders. What exactly was he thinking? Just a little earlier that day he wasn't sure if he even wanted to trust me or the feelings that he was getting,. and now he wouldn't step a foot away from me without some sort of contact.

“I don't know Dean, I think this is a bad idea.” I whispered keeping it between the two of us, but just then my cell phone beeped and I looked at the time. We had a half an hour to get this show on the road and I knew that there was no way I was going to leave him there, if he didn't stop touching me.

“I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere, Ali.” I listened to him sigh before he stepped into the darkness and close the door until it was only open about an inch. Just like it had been in my dream.

Taking a deep breath, I turned and walked back towards the living room where the girls were sitting. I paused briefly to check in on Christian, who is lounging on the bed as if nothing were about to happen. His hands locked behind his head, his feet crossed at the ankles and his eyes closed.

“Gee, it looks like you're taking this pretty seriously,” I stated sarcastically and watched as he opened one of his eyes only to give me a half-cocked smile.

“Yeah, well, someone's going to have to do the dirty work. Might as well be you, because I am kicking back. This was Dean's case and you picked up on it. So, that makes it you guys’ case. But just holler if you need backup.” He winked at me before he gave me a thumbs up as I was about to leave the room, but I paused for a second because something just felt a little off. He watched me stop and this made him curious, which got him to sit up and look at me. “What's going on?”

“I don't know, the air just feels strange,” I whispered as I looked around the room and then down the hallway. I didn't see and hear anything, but I couldn't shake the strange sensation that was running down my spine. I shook it off. Maybe it was just the wind or maybe it was just my thoughts about this whole process. I gave him a smirk, a slight wave and closed the door as I left.

When I entered the living room Birdy and Arrow already had the candles, the bowl, the herbs, and the stones all set up around the pentagram that was drawn on the floor. Taking a deep breath, I squatted down next to them and got comfortable on the dusty wooden floor.

“Are you sure this is everything we need?” Arrow questioned.

I looked around and checked the time before turning my sights back on her. Even Birdy looked a little anxious as we sat there and waited. My cell phone beeped; 11:55, almost time. I handed out the papers to the two of them and took a deep breath.

“Okay, so just do this like you would any other prayer. Keep it light, keep it simple and if you mess up, just keep going that's why there's three of us here.” I watched as Arrow lit the candles and Birdy placed the ingredients in the bowl, as I recited it for the first time. “NEMA! LIVEE, MORF SU REVILLED TUB NOISHAYTPMET OOTNI TON SUH DEEL SUS TSHAIGA SAPSERT TAHT YETH. VIGRAWF EU ZA SESAPSERT RUA SUH VIGRAWF DERB ILAID RUA YED SITH SUH VIG NEVEH NI SI ZA THRE NI NUD EEB LIW EYTH MUCK MODNGIK EYTH MAIN EYTH EEB DWOHLAH NEVAH NI TRA CHIOO. RETHARF RUA!”

“That's not at all creepy.” Arrow stated as we looked at the paper one more time. “Okay how many times are we supposed to say this?”

“Three times on the witching hour.” I replied.

“And this makes any sense how?” Birdie question has she looked at my handwriting. “Half of these words aren't even spelled right.”

“I wrote it phonetically.” I replied with some attitude. “You got to figure I had Dean and Christian to contend with. If anyone had to do this with them, it had to be in a way that they'd understand it and I'm sorry, but if you're going to say Heaven backwards you're going to have to spell it nevah and because as much as Dean as a genius, Christian is a pain in my ass.”

“Okay I get it.” Birdy smiled when I said Dean was a genius, and that made me think she had a small crush on him, but I needed this done and I needed to not say anything although some part of me fell a little sting of jealousy.

As the clock struck midnight the three of us joined hands, looked down at the papers before us and began reciting the Lord's Prayer. Three times we went through this whole thing trying to keep every word correct. When one of us messed up a little bit the other two picked up the pace and by the end of the third time around we had it pretty much set.

Sitting back we waited, there wasn't much else to do. Birdy stretched, Arrow looked around the room and I sat just waiting. It was then that we heard the noise, like a cackle of a witch. Moving slowly to my feet and whispering to the girls to stay there and make sure nothing put candles out. They needed to keep burning.

Gun drawn, I made my way down the hallway just as I did in my dream. It was like deja vu but I knew exactly where I was headed this time. I didn't bother to stop and check on Christian. I didn't even bother to check the third bedroom. Instead I kicked open the door to the middle room, the one that Dean had been hiding in.

Had I missed something? Had he snuck out? Because the room was completely empty. Making my way around the edge of the bed towards the window I checked to see if he had duck down behind the bed or if he had been tossed there, but again there was nothing. In fact, it was void of all sound of any wind and as I turned to head back towards the door I spotted the movement in the corner.

I saw his feet kicking the floor with his boots trying to catch a grip on the hardwood, but the bottom of the soles just kept sliding. Whatever was above him was blocking his face from view and I knew Dean was having a hard time. As I moved up on it I released the safety, put back the slide and hoped that it didn't hear, but that hope vanished as at the instant it clicked into place the night hag turned me.

It wasn't like anything I had seen before. The pictures in the books and on Google had not captured what this thing looked like in the very least. Have you ever seen Ghostbusters? The haggard old lady in the library, the one that tells the boys to shush as they walk up on her and the way that her hair flies out everywhere as her jaw opens in a scream. Yeah, that's what this thing looked like.

Her face was sunken at the cheeks, her eyes were hollowed in black and her mouth opened unnaturally in a long o that reminded me of the Scream mask from those terrible B movies. Okay, I take that back, they weren't terrible, but still she kind of look like that but with more... it was terrifying.

I wanted to scream, but when I looked past it at Dean, I could see the paleness of his face and the way that he struggled to breathe. No matter which way she was looking, at me or otherwise, all of her weight was set on his chest. I had to move and I had to move quickly.

I fired off a round, but missed. I'm not quite sure exactly where the bullet went, but I know that it didn't touch her and then I remembered the dream. I had to fire at the body. I had to make sure that it was going into the part connected to Dean.

“ _ I'm sorry _ ,” I whispered as I aimed the gun right for his chest, right at the blackened area that connected him to the night hag. I watched as the first bullet connected and just like in the dream parts began to fly. Two more rounds and I could see the color returning to his skin, but it also caught the attention of the witch itself.

Before I could blink it was coming at me. There was no time to move and nowhere to go as I turned to make for the edge of the bed. I felt the hag grab the length of my hair in twist and I was being yanked back with so much force I was thrown into the door and I watched as she came down on me.

The feeling of the weight on my chest was almost too much and I knew that this was the end if Dean couldn't get up to help. The gunshots should have alerted Christian, they should have brought the girls, but no one was coming. There were no footsteps in the hallway, no rush voices calling out. There was just the sound of my heart beating in my ear.

My lungs struggled to expand as the air began to press out of them and I could feel the darkness starting to surround me. This was it, this was the part of my dream that I had seen. Except, it wasn't Dean, this time it was me. I was the one lying across the bed, I was the one with the blood dripping from my lips and I was going to be the one in a wooden box.

It was then that I noticed that the hag had moved and that the weight on my chest was lifted. It had turned its attention back to Dean. Maybe he was an easier target or maybe he was already too far gone. I didn't really understand it, but what I saw next really confused me.

I watched a woman come closer. It was as if she didn't exist in this world at all and she scanned over the witch for just a second before she moved closer to me. I pushed myself back as far as I could go using what was left of my strength to sit up against the door and she crouched down in front of me.

It was odd to look at her because she was so familiar, but I knew I had never seen her before. She had long wavy brown hair, almost black, bright cerulean eyes that reminded me of Castiel and the smile that crossed her red lips could be taken as either friendly or menacing, there was no inbetween.

She wore mostly black, hiding the rest of her body from me except for the maroon tank top that you could see underneath her black jacket. I watched as she reached out a hand, picked up my limp right one from my lap and I was startled by the feeling of warmth that came from her as she ran her own thumb across the ball of mine.

I noticed the tender touch of her skin and I wondered exactly who she was and why she felt so familiar. That was when she did, she grabbed my hand with her free one and used that thumb to press down where I had felt the ball in my muscle earlier.

At the place she pressed down I started to feel heat beneath the skin and then suddenly it became a searing pain that I tried to back away from, but the wall was in my way.

_ Remember. _

Her voice seemed to be a whisper in my mind or maybe against my ear, but she hadn't moved. She was still staring at me with those eyes. Remember? Remember what? She smiled at me then stood and I watched as she walked away disappearing into the night, into the darkness. I swallowed hard trying to regain what little air I had left.

That was when I noticed that Dean was still pressing against the wall, his face turning a pale blue color and his lips were almost purple. My hand reached for the gun, feeling around in the empty space until I found the cold metal of the handle and with one unsure shot, I squeezed the trigger.

Somehow, I managed to do just what I had aim to do. I hit it dead center right in its heart as it raised up to turn its head towards me. With a howl, the witch moved away from Dean and I watched as he took a deep breath. She came flying at me and I raised the gun once more, aiming for the exact same spot that I had it already hit it. I fired three times. Three seem to be my lucky number, because she came to a screeching halt and screamed just before she burst into flames.

I blocked my eyes from the bright light until it died down enough that I could move and in an instant I was beside Dean, gathering him into my arms. He fought to catch a breath. I leaned my head back against the wall, holding him tightly to me as his hands gripped my shirt with all he had and I placed my finger against his pulse, just to feel it beat.

Minutes seem to pass before Birdy, Arrow and Christian made it into the room. By then Dean had been able to catch his breath and his heart rate was normal, but he hadn't released his grip on my shirt, nor had he moved from the spot where he lay with his head on my lap. Not that I minded it, because I wasn't moving at all either. I was bound and determined to keep him as close as I could for as long as I could.

 

~~~~~

Dean stood outside the door to the hotel as Christian, Birdy and Arrow stood just a little further away. I could tell from the reflection in the mirror that Dean had one ear on what was going on with me and one on the group outside, but my mind was on what had happened in the room.

She had grabbed me by the hair and flung me back. That one weakness was something I couldn't live with. I pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail so that it hung close to my shoulders. Picking up the Spectrum blade from the counter, I took my hair and with one hand sliced through it without resistance. Placing both the hair and the blade on the bathroom sink, I looked up in the mirror at Dean who stood behind me.

I didn't even know what was going on. I didn't feel the tears that ran down my face, but he reached out, took a small pair of scissors and comb from the travel bag I had sitting on the counter and gently he began to straighten out the stray hairs the Spectrum held left.

Without a word I watched him. His eyes were on me in the mirror the whole time, even though his skillful hands were now cutting off the jagged edges of the cuts that I had made myself. When he was done he placed the scissors and the comb on the counter and grabbed a small washcloth to dust off the back of my neck.

He wasn’t getting anything off my shirt and I felt him grab the hem of it. I let him take it off over over my shoulders, until I stood there in only the sports bra that I wore underneath. Turning towards him, I reached out and put my hands on his waist as he pulled me closer, putting his hands against the flat of my back in the curve of my jeans. My arms relaxed enough so that i was able to wrap them around him.

With a sigh I felt his cheek rest against my head and for the first time in the last few hours I felt completely safe.

 


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spacing formatting hates me, just so you know, so I'm leaving it like this.

One Whiskey, One Bourbon, One Beer

 

Per usual, the hunt always got the blood flowing and the heart excited, especially after something like that. The night hag had basically shown Dean and I our faults and our weaknesses, but together we had been strong enough to defeat her. It didn't however squash any feelings of dread that might have been turning in my stomach at the prospect of facing another demon down the road.

 

So when Christian decided that the bar would be the best place to go, the two of us agreed. I dressed fix whatever I could of my hair and decided that, yeah, I needed a stiff drink.

 

It wasn't a big bar, some little roadhouse side-lot saloon, almost like Harvelle's but not quite. It was dark, dank and full of different types of people. Mostly bikers, mostly truckers, but all with the same idea in mind; it was time to get wasted.

 

It was funny to watch them in action, the two pairs of them. I sat back in a quiet corner with a couple shots in front of me and glass full of flat soda almost tempted to mix both together and ride the wave, but I just sipped away, taking a shot when the feeling arose. I smiled, observed my comrades as they mingled with each other.

 

Christian and Arrow, though completely unalike in most ways were identical in one. Competition.

 

There was no way that Arrow was going to give up the fight to win the battle of the dartboard, especially with Christian goating her on. A few heated words were exchanged as she flung the dark without looking and hit the bullseye with no problem. Christian, not being one to be shown up by a girl, smiled as he stood back and let it fly.

No one was winning this fight.

 

Dean and Birdy stood at the bar facing each other in close contact. Her hand moving up and down his arm as she gently stroked the muscle beneath his shirt. The smile on her face told me one thing and one thing alone, that if she had her choice he'd be going home with her tonight. The thing was, Dean kind of had the same smile on his face, the same yeah it's in the bag kind of grin and I had to laugh. That was until he turned to look at me.

 

There was an emotion in his glance, one that I have never seen before. It was a look in his eyes that had never been present, not even the first time when he and Sam and Danni and I had all been together. It was almost as if he was uncertain of what to do next. 

 

He glanced at her, glanced at me, and then looked down as if he should be scolded for flirting with somebody else. How do you tell a man like that that he was exactly where he's supposed to be?

 

Dean turned back to her smile and as they made eye contact. Birdy’s eyes made a site travel to my small little corner of the world and I watched her wink. I could read lips with the best and I'm pretty sure I watched her say:  _ are you sure you don't want to be with her? _

 

Dean's eyes scanned me over once again and he smiled. His lips read:  _ that's not in the cards, _ and a pain went through my chest. Dean deserved to be happy or at least to have some sort of connection to somebody, so why was I jealous? Why had I hoped it was me and that he had let her go?

 

As the night wore on I started to ignore the ongoing conversations around me and the way that the two couples engaged and my thoughts turn to Sam. I wondered where he was, I wondered how he was.

 

Dean had said that the two of them had a falling-out, that they hadn't agreed on the case that we had just finished. I found it hard to believe that the younger Winchester would be anything but agreeable on any kind of hunt at the moment, but maybe I didn't know this Sam as well as I thought and maybe just maybe Cas had been right and things that were going on with these ones were not the same as what was going on with them in June.

 

Two Shots down, two more to go and I had yet to finish the soda that was leaving a ring on the table. It was getting late and before I realized what was going on, a shadow hovered above me. I looked at Dean's red face, flushed from the alcohol that he has consumed and I wondered exactly what that smile was for.

 

“You feeling good there, Buddy?” I laughed. He slid into the seat beside me, his fingers tracing down my spine and he leaned in close to whisper in my ear.

 

“I'm going to need the keys,” he stated and while his face told me one thing his voice told me that he was pretty sober.

 

“Are you sure that's a good idea, I mean how much have you had to drink?”

 

“Just enough to get me in trouble, not enough to get me out of it." He laughed as I dug in my pocket and held the keys out for the Chevy.

 

Placing them down in the palm of his hand I let my fingers caress the skin there just before his fingers closed on mine and he kiss me on the forehead. This was definitely a drunken Dean. He would have never been quite so open with any kind of physical contact if he hadn't been a little tipsy at least.

 

“So what? You and Birdy going for a ride?” And the only response from him was a sly grin and a wink before he stood from the table, took two steps away from me and turned back.

 

“Chris will bring you back to the hotel, Ali, just make sure you're safe.” And with that I could tell that no matter how much he wanted to be there with her, his thoughts were with me and that, above all else, worried me. His full attention should be on the woman in his arms, while mine should have been completely on the man I had yet to find.

 

I watched the two of them leave with his arm around her waist and a bright smile on her face. Dean glanced back at me one more time before they disappeared into the night.

 

~~~~~

 

As the evening wore on, I watched Arrow and Christian become more and more flirty with each other. I had moved on to a few straight shots and abandoned the soda altogether.

 

It was close to four and I was surprised that last call hadn't even come up yet, but then again the bartender was happy, the customers were happy and Christian and Arrow, yeah they were happy too. But I was done! I had had enough for today and it was time to go back and get some sleep.

 

I made my way over, still surprisingly steady on my feet and look down at the two kissing people that sat in front of me. Christian had found a table in the very back of the place and the couple had been huddled together for as long as I could remember. For two people that didn't get along, or couldn't stand to look at each other when this began, they certainly were being friendly now.

 

“You guys, I'm tired, I'm cranky and I need a freaking shower. You think you could unlock your lips for about 2 seconds and drive me back to the motel?”

 

Arrow placed her head on Christian shoulders and the hazel-eyed man looked up at me with a grin on his face. Yeah, they weren't a little bit tipsy, they were a lot tipsy. He sighed, giving me the doe-eyed look of: oh come on, we're just starting to have fun and that's when the bartender called for closing time.

 

“Looks like you lucked out Ali.” Christian laughed. “I guess this means we're going.”

 

And with that, he set Arrow down on her feet, took her hand and winked at me as the three of us made for the door. 

 

Being the most sober of the three I snatched the keys from Arrow’s hand as she tried to figure out how to unlock the door to Birdy's car. The Impala had been gone for hours and we were left with “peanut" the faithful little sidekick that had gotten the hunters around.

 

Once situated and settled with the car running I waited until Christian and Arrow found their way to the back seat and got more acquainted with each other as I drove the two miles to the hotel. 

 

This was going to be a long night.

 

I don't even think we made it in the door completely before the two of them were all hands on yet again and I sighed, snatching the pillows off the bed, the bed that Dean used. I also grabbed a comforter and headed out to the GTO that sat lonely in the parking lot positioned against the other set of the rooms. 

 

This gave me a perfect vantage point to see not only the room before me but anywhere around the parking lot. I was too damn tired to care and I knew that with two hunters in one room there was no way a monster was getting these guys any time soon.

 

I managed to stuff my bags in the back of the GTO and make room for myself on the back seat. I curled up against the door using Dean's pillows to prop me up and I pulled my knees close to my chest, cross my arms and tucked myself under the blanket hoping that the sun didn't rise as fast as I thought it would. It was time for me to put aside everything that I had done that day and try to get my brain back on track.

 

With Dean's case in the bag, the night hag taken care of, it was time to concentrate on Sammy and my need to find him as my thoughts traveled to what he might be doing and with that my imagination took me to a dream filled sleep.

 

_ He moved like a ghost, suddenly upon me, moving me back down to the blanket with just his kiss and before I knew it, he had my thighs up, locking my legs behind him. I could feel him there, the tip just itching to move and he backed away, looking softly down at the kiss-swollen lips he had just left before his eyes met mine. _

_ “I don’t want…” I grabbed him by the hair, not wanting to hear that he thought he would hurt me when I was more than ready for him and I brought my hips up, closing that distance. He moaned, quiet loudly as he slipped in, the heat surrounding him and one hand suddenly grasped my hips. Buried deep, as far as he could go, he froze. Against my lips I felt the shudder of his breath, “don’t move.” _

_ “Sam,” I pleaded, because him being so close was killing me not to move. _

_ “I swear if you move this will be done before it starts,” he smiled. “Just…give me a second.” _

_ I waited, our eyes locked as his breathing matched mine and his lips moved trying to find the words just as his hips began to rock. Slow, deliberately shallow movements that would have never been felt if it had been anyone else, but I could feel him, every part of him and he squeezed his eyes tightly, his teeth clenched as his forehead rested on mine. _

_ “I want it slow and torturous.” He smiled against my lips. _

_ “Oh my God, Sam,” I mumbled, feeling the shallow thrusts as he brushed his lips along mine. _

_ “I need it,” he confessed, “you’ll never be like the others, so this…this is how I need it.” _

~~~~~

 

The sudden movement of the car shook me from my sleep. The loud rattle of the door as it opened had me sitting up in the backseat. As the comforter was pulled from my head, I came face-to-face with Dean Winchester. The fear in his eyes told me just about everything I needed to know about what was happening and I watched as his body relaxed when he slumped down on the floor behind the driver seat of the GTO.

 

Stretching, I blinked away the crust from my sleep-deprived eyes before rubbing them and letting out a growl.

 

“What the hell is going on?” I snapped and watched as he placed his hand gently on my leg. I knew something was bothering him just by the way he was looking at me, but I couldn't place exactly what his emotion was.

 

“We just couldn't find you. I couldn't find you.” He said softly and this made me tilt my head just a little because I wasn't sure if I had heard him right.

 

“You spent the night in the Impala with one of my Hunting Buddies and you couldn't find me? Don't you think that's a little off?” I pushed his hand away, kick the comforter off and sat up next to him on the seat. “What time is it anyway?” I questioned and watched as he smiled.

 

“Close to eleven.” He sighed and pushed the door open more so that the air from outside could get in. I pushed at his arm hoping that that would give him the hint that I needed to get out of the small enclosed space especially with the way that he smelled

 

It was pure Dean! Cigarettes, sweat, sleep and just a little bit of the alcohol left from the night before. I don't know why it was so intoxicating, in fact, I was pretty sure that I didn't like that at all. I wasn't fond of cigarettes and I'm pretty sure that man needed a shower, but right at that moment, after the dream I had about Sam, anything Winchester was a turn-on.

 

Dean got the hint, rolled his eyes and made his way out of the car before reaching back in to grab my hand and help me out. I snagged both pillows and the comforter and as I stood I shoved them into his arms. When I finally grabbed the keys and my wallet from the back deck, I turned and came face-to-face with Christian, who towered over me just as much as Dean did.

 

The scowl on Campbell’s face was one of pure amusement to me, because I would have never thought that Christian would be so angry about the fact that I slept outside. Grinning at both, but irritated at the fact that they were so overprotective, I push past them and made my way into the motel room.

 

As I entered the room Birdy sat on the on the bed and Arrow sat at the table. Five coffees sat beside her, along with a bag of something that must have been a dime-store bakery reject from the night before, but who was I to argue? It was eleven and I was hungry. Sitting down in the empty seat across from my friend I glanced up at both girls and shook my head.

 

With a cheek full of food I grinned. “You two look like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. It's the funniest thing in the world, but would you please stop feeling guilty?”

 

“Come on, Al, you just spent the night in your car.” Arrow spoke up, a little irritated at herself for not realizing what was going on at the time. “I think I vouch for both of us when I say I'm really sorry.”

 

“Oh come on really? You really think that's the first time I've ever slept in the back seat of my own car?” And the statement, although it was seemingly random, brought up the memory of several times that I had camped out in the back of my car while on a case sometime between April and June. Sometime before the memories were lost. “Besides I had the best bedmate in the entire place!” I grinned and took another bite of the stale donut before chasing it with some hot coffee. “Those pillows! Best. Damn. Pillows. Ever.”

 

Birdy looked at me shook her head and just about got up to hug me before I put my hand up to hold her back.

 

“Ali, seriously, we didn't come here to take your boys. We came here to help you.” Birdy fessed up, but I still grinned at her. A sly little grin that told her she hadn’t taken anything of mine that I hadn't been willing to give. Glancing back and forth between the girls I finally put down the pastry and the hot coffee.

 

“You guys, seriously. Christian is not mine to keep and neither is Dean. They're both big boys and I'm pretty sure they got exactly what they wanted. No one was asking my permission for anything and I'm okay with that.” But the look on her face told me that she knew otherwise.

 

“Ali, I think we really need to talk.” Birdy whispered as she looked up and out the door for the boys were standing next to the Impala waiting patiently for us to finish our quote unquote conversation. “You can't tell me that there's nothing between you and Dean.”

 

“Pretty, there's nothing between me and Dean! I don't understand why you're bringing this up. You're the one that went with him for a ride last night and I'm pretty positive that with what I know about that boy, it wasn't disappointing. So why are you bringing up feelings between me and Dean?” I was getting a little irritated with this line of questioning and I wiped my hands with a napkin readily available before I got up and headed towards the bathroom.

 

Closing the door behind me I turned on the water to the sink, washed my hands, splashed my face and then press my palms against the cold ceramic of the basin. Was she really going to stand there and tell me that she slept with Dean even though she had some sort of warped sense that he and I should be together? I don't know what made me more angry, the fact that I was even questioning this or the fact that she was questioning. Both girls knew that I was with Sam, both girls knew that that was my mission. To find the boys and find Danni, so why was she bringing it up? And why couldn't I drop it?

 

~~~~~

 

It was more towards noon when the girls decided it was time to pack up and get moving and while I was sad to see them go, I longed for the road and hoped that soon we would be back on the track find Sam.

 

Arrow hugged me tightly and kissed me on the cheek as she usually did. It was a superstition with her. She could never leave anyone without a kiss on the cheek, something in her past made it that way and she didn't care if she had known you for a minute or a lifetime, that was how she said goodbye. I also saw the tears in her eyes as she slipped into the passenger seat of the peanut.

 

On the other hand Birdy was a little more “Hands-On” and she wouldn't let you go until she decided it was time! She held me tightly as she pressed her cheek to mine and whispered in my ear.

 

“Figure out your feelings for Dean before you meet up with Sam or this whole thing is going to explode.” I blinked away the confusion of what she had just said to me before I licked my lips and nodded. She was one intuitive lady and that was one of the reasons the two of them made such a crack team. Arrow knew every move before it happened and Birdy seemed to be able to sense things around her. Right now maybe she was picking up on more than the connection I had with Dean. “You need to figure it out.”

  
“I can’t make any promises.” I said softly and she hugged me once more before she quickly ran to the driver’s side of the car.

  
“And Ali,” she yelled before she climbed in. I smiled at her as I felt Dean and Christian step up behind me. “Remember.”

 

The smile faded from my lips as she said that one word, but holding in my fear I waved and watched them back out of the spot, turn and head down the road, off on the next big hunt. Swallowing back the wave of deja vu I turned and moved past Dean, heading straight for the room, with the boys soon following.

 

~~~~~

 

After a quick shower, change of clothes and brushing out my hair which still looked really strange in the mirror, it was time for lunch. We had decided on a small Bistro in the middle of town, someplace where we could see everything that was going on. It wasn't that both the boys were a little on the paranoid side, it was that they _ absolutely were  _ on the paranoid side.

 

The table was set up on the outside of the restaurant along the fake wrought iron fence that separated us from the sidewalk. The canopy that kept the sun from baking us was some God-awful maroon color with white stripes. I found myself counting the different sizes just to keep myself occupied as Dean and Christian swapped tales of the night before.

 

I wasn’t a prude, but I certainly didn't want to hear of their conquests. Though I had gotten text messages from both Birdy and Arrow in the hours since they left. I knew that their concern was not with how the boys were, but how I was dealing with the aftermath of everything that had happened the night before. In confidence before they took off, I told them about the woman with the dark hair and how she seems so familiar, yet, I had never seen her before. Birdy's concern was if she was some figment of my imagination that the witch had brought to the surface from memories that I couldn't latch onto. Arrow’s worry was that she was some sort of manifestation of another side of me that was being hidden. My thoughts on the matter were just that she was scary as hell and, apparently, I had something that I needed to remember.

 

Christian's hand slamming down on the table brought me back to the conversation right in front of me. Dean had moved over to sit dead ahead and Christian was now sitting up beside me. Our petite brunette waitress was sitting beside Dean, her hands shaking as she held the picture in her clenched fingers. Dean's eyes were locked on mine as the girl continued her story.

 

Apparently, a fire had happened in her house not more than six months ago and claimed the life of her older brother, whose picture she held in her hand. While I was counting away at the stripes, the boys were discussing a simple salt and burn case that they had taken care of somewhere in Milwaukee, when she overheard what they did for a living. My first thought was: God she really believes that these guys are the Ghost Hunters, but after listening to her explanation of which I only caught the last part of, it seemed that this was really one of our types of cases.

 

So, now here we sat, the four of us putting our heads together and we collected as much information from her as we could on the whereabouts of the haunting, the location of his grave and any relevant unfinished business that would have kept him here. So, I could say for certain that I believe she was the reason that he was still around.

 

After collecting our to-go boxes, paying the bill and leaving the waitress a generous tip plus ensuring that we would be in contact as soon as possible, the three of us headed back towards the Impala which we had driven into town to save gas, leaving the Grand Am and the GTO parked at the motel.

 

I slid into the back seat got myself comfortable and flipped through the notes that Dean had taken down in his journal. I had become more curious than I should have and it had me flipping through the pages before our run-in with the waitress. Just as I was about to get to some of the more interesting cases he had worked in the last month-and-a-half I saw Sam's name on the paper in a symbol I had never thought I would see again, at least not in a journal belonging to Dean Winchester.

 

The AO3 sigil for blood magic was written on the page right next to Sam's picture and a sketch  of some strange looking doodle that I thought might resemble person in some way, shape or form, but I wasn't quite clear on who he was drawing. It looked like he had been half asleep or drunk when he had done it. 

 

I closed the journal quickly and placed it on the seat beside me and looked out the window.

 

~~~~~

 

I sat on the bed leaning up against the headboard as I slowly started to fall asleep. It wasn't more than two in the afternoon and while we were all quietly pondering about what was to happen that evening, I was quietly pondering, closing my eyes and taking a damn nap. While the GTO had been comfortable to sleep in for the most part it didn't make my dreams any less interesting and I was pretty positive I tried to stretch out at some point in time only to find that I was stuck in one position.

 

I hadn't realized that my eyes had grown heavy enough to close until I felt the sudden grasp from someone's hand around my ankles and I was quickly pulled down to lie flat on the bed. Managing to open them just enough to see who thought they could manhandle me I came eye to eye with Dean, who is smiling down at me as he rested his weight on both arms one on either side of my shoulders.

 

“You don't have to stay up if you're too damn tired keep your eyes open.” He said softly to me in a scolding voice and this made me smile even in my half-sleep state.

 

“And you don't have to be so damn bossy.” I tried to snap back, but I know that it came as little more than a mumble because started to snicker. I reached up and grabbed him by the shirt pulling him until his arms bent and he was little more than two inches from my face. With a sigh I blinked heavily and slowly release my fingers. “You need to call Sammy. We need to find him. I need him to remember.”

 

“Yeah you need him for something alright.” Dean said sarcastically, but I couldn't tell if he was being serious or if he was joking because the next thing I knew I felt this hand on my cheek and his fingers running down the slope with my neck, just a feather touch that if you didn't know it was happening, you wouldn't have believed it. “Get some sleep Ali. I'll wake you up in about an hour or so.”

 

And with that Dean walked away.

 

~~~~~

 

Apparently a lot can happen while you're sleeping.

 

For example, Christian could go to the store to get supplies for the much-needed road trip to wherever Sammy happen to be at the time and could possibly, for example, be sideswiped by some old woman who absolutely had no idea that she was pulling across three lanes of traffic.

 

Another thing that could happen while you’re sleeping is you could hear a conversation between Sam and Dean, or at least Dean side of the conversation as it pertain to you. In this particular conversation you hear a strange sentence that kind of set you off in a weird way and that sentence, for example, could be:  _ you're not going to believe this Sam it's the girl you've been drawing. _

 

Why hadn't Dean told me about this before? He had never once mentioned that Sam was having visions, but then again, I remembered the way that we had actually met. The vampire tossed him through the window and suddenly I was revisiting another conversation the two of us at had.

 

Sam had confided in me that the visions weren't like in the show. They hadn't started when he was 22, they had actually always been there and he had a vision of me the night that we had met, one that showed him that the vampires had killed me. That I had died. So why would it surprise me that Sam has been drawing me for the last few months? When I knew that somewhere deep inside they all remembered something.

 

~~~~~

 

The case took us to a small town outside of Upland, not more than a good half an hour drive. With Christian's car totaled and him having to deal with the insurance companies and the police reports, Dean and I decided that we were going to take this one on alone.

 

He was right, it was a simple salt and burn case. We knew exactly where the body was buried. We knew who it was targeting and together the two of us knew exactly how to take care of it. But that didn't prepare us for the fact that this ghost wasn't ready for the afterlife.

 

The cemetery was dark except for our flashlights, the shovels were set to the side of the open grave and I had just poured the majority of the salt from the iron container over the ripe body that lay within. There wasn't much left of him. Whatever had started the house fire had caught him completely unaware, for it was a closed casket and he probably should have been cremated to begin with, but somehow they managed put them in a nice suit and tie and close the lid. That was until Dean broke it open.

 

As I stood there watching the man beside me spray the remains with lighter fluid I turned to look at the darkness behind me. The clouds covered what little moonlight there was and completely blocked out stars, so what I was looking at was pure darkness. Trying to get my bearings on what was going on behind me, that strange feeling of being watched, I listened to Dean flick the cover open to the Zippo.

 

It was then that it attacked as if it were a hologram in a funhouse. The boy that lay in the grave below us was now standing within inches of my face. He looked almost as he did in life, which was a relief because what he look like in death was ten times worse. He scowled at me as cold hands reached out and grasped me around the throat.

 

“Dean!” I groaned, struggling to breathe, my hand catching him on the arm as I hit him several times.

 

“Dammit!” He growled, grabbed for the shovel and swung above my head. 

 

The spook disappeared for just long enough to get the lighter going, but as Dean dropped it into the hole in the ground I was tossed backwards against the closest headstone hard enough to lose my breath for just a second. I saw the bright light of the flames as the boy disappeared and then suddenly Dean's hands were on my face. His eyes locked on mine and when he was satisfied enough that I was seeing straight, his lips crashed down upon mine.

 

The kiss was heated and full of need, but as his lips tasted mine I felt him soften, linger just a little and pull back breathlessly before his eyes met mine again and I watch him suck in his bottom lips as if he were savoring the feeling there.

 

What do you say after something like that? What could possibly follow that kiss and he waited, patiently, for me to figure out our next move, but I couldn’t address it yet, not in the middle of the graveyard and I gently pulled his hands away.

 

“We should get this cleaned up and get out of here.” I whispered and watched the acknowledgement fill his eyes. Yeah, he didn't want to talk about it either and he helped me to my feet, his green eyes on me as we filled in the hole and covered our tracks.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Salt and Burn

Tossing the shovels, the empty salt can and Dean’s duffle in the back of the car, I looked over at him as he reached for the trunk. The two of us stared at each other for a minute before he shook his head, rolled his eyes and closed it.

“What are you? Twelve?” I asked him as he stood on the passenger’s side of the GTO, his hands on his hips and a frown in those green eyes even as his lips pursed in anger. “Get in the freaking car, Dean!”

“Why can’t I just drive, Al? Seriously, you know I’m better at it!”  He whined and I shook my head. 

I was sure that either a witch or a voodoo priestess must have hit him with some major mojo because there was no way the real Dean Winchester would be staring at me like that because I wouldn’t let him drive, or maybe it was that  _ kiss _ . I let out a breath, really wishing that Sam was here, even though he wouldn’t remember me from a hole in the wall, to back me up, but as my eyes locked on his, I gave him a scowl.

“It is not your balls that Jones would have locked down in a vice grip if anything happened to her, now just get in the freaking car so we can go, DEAN! I’ve had just about as much of this town as I can handle, I need a bed, four hours and a hot shower.” I snapped and watched the anger erase from his lips because, apparently the word  _ shower _ reminded him of something else.

“Fine,” he said as he grabbed the door handle, before he pointed at me, “next time, we’re stashing your car and we’re taking Baby, because this is a load of crap!”

“I’m not the one that handed the keys to your cousin.” I mumbled as he got in the car and closed the door. 

We drove into town, stopped at a local Love’s gas station, just for Dean to  grab some unhealthy microwaved burrito, and water, definitely water, but when he got back in the car, he popped the seat forward and put it on the back floorboard, before he shut the door and sighed.

Rolling my eyes, I looked around the small downtown area and shook my head. Remind me again why we had decided some simple salt and burn the next town over was a good way of wasting time before meeting up with Sam? Oh, yeah, because the Winchester in the seat  beside me couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut and his conversation to himself!

With a huff, I started her up. With Dean turned in the seat beside me, staring at my profile, I put one hand on the wheel, one hand on the shifter and turned to look at him.

“Look, I’m sorry, but rules are rules.” I whispered, and watched as he turned away. “Seriously, dude, have you been Benjamin Buttoned, because I swear you are de-aging at like a rate of a decade a minute.” But it was then that I realized, we weren’t on the subject of the car anymore. Dean had gotten serious. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” he growled. 

“For what? Acting like your pre-pubescent self, or just plain being a dick?” I snapped and that got his head to whip back towards me. 

“This isn’t easy for me, Ali,” he barked and I watched the way his finger twitched towards the edge of his thigh.  I knew it! Dammit, I freaking knew it!

“You remembered, didn’t you? You remembered something and you’re not telling me!” I said trying to keep my heart from racing because that kiss should have tipped me off. “I told you to tell me, that I could explain stuff but, no, you have to be your usual pigheaded self and keep it in!”

“I’m telling you now!” He snapped back. “So, yeah, so what, I remembered, big deal. It wasn’t anything important.”

“Dean,” I whispered and slowly let out a breath, “everything is important, every piece of this puzzle means something, so just suck it up, spit it out and tell me what you remembered.”

His eyes went down to his hand and slowly he reached over. I made sure I stayed absolutely still as his hand touched my shoulder, fingers gliding across my skin as his hand hooked around the back of my neck and he pulled me closer. I let my body relax, just let it go, but my heart thumped at the prospect of another kiss, and his finger came up just a little and I bent my head down, closed my eyes and knew what was coming next as I felt his lips against my forehead.

This wasn’t the first time he had done this since he came strutting back into my life. When the hag had attacked, yeah, he cupped my cheeks to look into my eyes probably to make sure that I didn’t have a concussion, but that was way before he kissed me but this connection to our past made my heart race.

I could smell him then, just like before, everything that made up Dean as I reached out with my hands and gripped his shirt, letting his free arm circle around my waist, pulling me as close to him as he could with the console in the way. Everything, right down to the way his cologne smelled on his skin was perfectly Dean and I missed it. 

I gave a little laugh as I released one handful of his shirt and brought it up to lay on his neck, feeling him swallow between my thumb and pointer as the pad of my thumb pressed against his pulse, but he didn’t pull back all the way, just removed his lips and lowered his forehead to mine.

“I remembered you!” he said softly, as if remembering  _ me _ would be some big deal, that was the whole reason behind it, he needed to remember me, remember Danni and what we had become to him but as I let out a little hmmph, he sighed, as if I didn’t understand before he continued, the mint of his gum that he had just spit out was still strong on his breath as the warmth went over me. “I remembered how you felt that first night, when you were such a mystery. I remembered needing to touch you, to connect, I couldn’t let you go, but I couldn’t keep you close, not too close. I pushed you to Sam, I needed to push you away, instead of pulling you closer. It didn’t work. I needed you, your touch, the feel of you, under my hands, in my arms, not… not..., Ali, not like... but God, where did you come from?

“I didn’t know life before, like I was just living but there was nothing to live for, except Sam, always Sam, but then there was you and your touch, and the need. And then…” He was getting flustered and I could tell by his rambling that words just weren’t coming out. I pushed him back just a little with that hand, the one that felt his heart skip and I stared into his eyes. He didn’t remember Danni yet, but I could see it in his eyes, that things were coming in bits and pieces.  “Did we ever figure out what this was?”

“No,” I whispered and shook my head, “but would it be weird to say soulmates?” I laughed and watched him raise an eye as he looked at me a little shy.  “Not romantic soulmates, God, no one should ever go there!”

“Why?” he really sat back this time, “I thought that was the very definition of it.”

Okay, that made me laugh, but I shook my head. “No, a soulmate is someone you connect to, very, very strongly, like you and Cas,” and I shouldn’t have said it but he wouldn’t have gotten it otherwise, “Or you and Sam.”

“You do know we’re brothers, right?” He questioned. Sure, say something about Sam and nothing about the angel, typical.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be soulmates.” I laughed. “Listen, a soulmate connection is intense, so intense people mistake it for attraction…”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“No, wait,” I smiled, “you really don’t, because when you go that route with a soulmate, it burns out faster. Sex and souls aren’t meant to mix, it’s two very extreme things on a collision course with disaster.” He shook his head, yeah, not getting it still. “Okay, think about sex…”

“Never a problem.” He chuckled, sarcastically. I groaned at this, because, yeah, sitting beside him as it was, thinking about sex in any form wasn’t going to be a problem.

I sat back in my seat, slipping from his grasp, as far back as I possibly could as I shut off the car and brought my leg up to be more comfortable sitting sideways in the driver’s seat. 

“Trust me, with you, I know, but shut up and listen.” I glanced around at the people walking by before I could get my thoughts straight. “Okay, sex is intense, I mean for everyone, no matter how much you do it or how far you go, or what kind of kink you’re into…”

“Whoa, whoa, really I don’t need the Sex Ed. lesson,” he grinned but I could tell he was enjoying it and I rolled my eyes. “But, kink… I get it, continue…”

“Jesus, you really are twelve,” I laughed and watched him reach over, take my fingers, just the tips of two of them and hold them between his finger and thumb, like the need to touch was already too much. I wanted to snatch my hand away, but the feeling of being safe was already overpowering the urgent need to run. Okay, deep breath again as I continued. “Okay, skipping the kink part. I know you get how powerful sex itself is, Dean, can you imagine taking this to that kind of level?” And I stopped myself as I felt the blush run up my face. “WAIT! Forget I even said that because seriously, not even going there and not sure why I worded it that way. Let me rephrase…”

“Too late, already got a visual,” he grinned teasingly and I slapped his arm with my free hand before rolling my eyes. “Kidding! I’m kidding, continue.”

“You are so  _ not _ kidding!” I mumbled and watched that small move he did with his mouth, the one where he thought about making a smartass remark, but then decided against it as I continued. “Think of this connection and that… more intimate physical one. How long would you last on that? I mean it would be so intense it would shoot off like a rocket and be done before you know it.” I heard him groan at my choice of wording and I closed my eyes, running my hand down my face.  “Point is, no relationship can survive being soulmates, it’s too much, too intense, and one day you wake up and it’s gone, so what was the point of this conversation again?”

“I don’t know,” he said with total seriousness, “you kinda lost me at sex.”

“UGH!” I turned in the seat and started the car, pulling the lap belt across as I glanced over at the smug smile on his face.  “Motel room and sleep, Dean. No bars, no hustling pool, no Christian. Okay?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “okay, toots, we’ll do it your way.”

I put the car in gear and pulled out into the street, headed back to Upland to meet up with Christian.

~~~~~

I shook my head when we pulled up to the motel, as I slid the GTO into the parking spot beside Baby. She was clean at least, not a scratch on her but the motel door was open and Christian was sitting at the table in clear view of the window with his feet up.  I glanced at Dean, who only winked and slipped out of the car.

Oh, this was going to be a fun night. 

With a sigh, I grabbed my jacket, took the keys from the ignition, set the parking brake and followed suit after grabbing a few items from the back. Stepping past Dean, who had already grabbed a beer from the mini-fridge, I dropped my bag on the floor beside the first double bed, kicked off my boots,  and flopped down face first onto the pillow, I don’t care what kind of eye full of ass they got, I was too damned tired to care that my jeans were covered in grave dirt.

My eyes were closed, I could hear the light conversation going on behind me and then I felt the feathered touch on my shoulder, one that made me jump a bit, but the quiet sound of a “shh” kept me from moving as the hand slid down my spine, laying a light trail down until I felt the tug of my shirt. I needed to move, because whoever it was just hit the no-fly zone, but before I could react, I felt the tug of the gun from the back of my jeans and heard it set lightly down on the stand beside me before the breath brushed against my ear.

“Don’t need to turn over on that, trust me, I’ve done it before.” Dean’s voice was low and soothing and while I wanted to yell at him, all that came out was a sigh as he tugged my shirt back down and smooth a hand over my hair before he moved away.

“So, ah, what’s up with that?” Christian questions as I hovered on the edge of sleep.

“Nothing,” Dean replied but I could tell he was looking in my direction, but I also heard him sigh, “little bit of something…. maybe.” Dean’s uncertainty made me worry.

“Okay, I’ve been hunting with you steady for nearly two months now, never have I seen you be that gentle with any woman, let alone some strange chick that happened in off the highway.”  Christian spoke, concern was at the forefront of the emotions in his voice, that and uncertainty for his cousin. “Wanna give me a little bit to go on here?”

“Turns out I do know her,” he sighed, took a swig of his beer, which was almost gone because I could hear the liquid moving. “Both me  _ and _ Sammy do.”

“How? Where?” I wanted to turn over but there was no way, in fact my dream state was almost making up the way they were sitting and they looked like anime characters in my head with too skinny waists and broad shoulders, wild hair and BIG eyes.

“Ohio, in April,” Dean got up, the beer bottle went into the trash, the door to the fridge opened and the top popped off the bottle before the chair squeaked again under his weight. 

“Wait, the vamp nest that went south?” I heard the chair Christian was in move across the rug. “Thought you guys went solo on that, isn’t that where Sam got the scar?”

“Yeah, it is,” he whispered softly, took a sip and put it down on the table, “apparently she was the one that patched him up.”

“What, wait… What?” I could hear the confusion as things moved around.  “She stitched him up?” Dean must have nodded and it must be a Campbell family traits for that one little world came out of Christian. “Huh.” He snickered a little, “man I could have told you that wasn’t your patch job, you suck at stitches.”

“Screw off!” Dean grumbled.

“So, you know her, so what? You know a lot of women, Dean.”  Christian Campbell, always the voice of reason, “did she just sew him up and send you on your way?”

“No, turns out she swung, got herself injured and we had to protect her from the nest too,” he was being very nonchalant about it and that set me off as he sighed.  “Look, all I know is that she was someone to me, is someone to me and I don’t have all the memories yet to explain it.  I have a feeling when we meet up with Sammy, and when we find this mystery chick that she is hell bent on hunting down, everything is going to come together, but that’s all I got.”

“Hey, I getcha man,” Christian backed off and the two of them sat in silence for a while, which allowed me to finally let the darkness take over.

Sometime later, with the light noise of the fan blowing through the room and the sound of the frogs and crickets outside, I felt the bed beside me sag, and that reminded me of the issue with having one room and three people with only two beds. I had to share.

His body lay stiff next to me, as if he wasn’t certain on what to do, but after a minute, I heard him sigh, and his fingers ghosted over my waist.  I let out a breath, turned on my side and moved back towards him. Dean slowly inched his way around, molding his body to mine, as his hand came up from my waist, slid between my arms and his fingers fisted, as he rested it against my heart.

He was like a shield and I remembered the first night, when I had finally gotten some sleep, when Sam was in the other bed healing, he had done just that, pressed up against me, turned in the direction that not only could he see me, but he could see Sam in the bed beside us.

“Goodnight Dean Winchester,” I whispered to him and felt his lips on the back of my head, before he settled down and his body relaxed.  Safe again, I gave into the rest that my body demanded, which apparently was more than four hours.

~~~~~

I heard the door click, and I shot up on the bed, the hand on my waist falling away, as I grabbed the Walther on the stand where Dean had set it. Flipping off the safety, I stared at the man in the doorway, watching that smug smile on Christian’s face as he held up the tray of coffee and the bag of donuts before he stepped fully into the room and set it on the table.

His eyes moved from me to Dean and the way that we lay before he closed the door and shrugged off his coat. I safetied the gun and set it gently down once more.

“You weren’t kidding,” he whispered, which made me turn and look at the man beside me before I slipped off the bed and walked in bare feet, because apparently it was way too hot in the room to keep socks on, across the rug to the dresser where I grabbed my clothing and turned towards the bathroom. I did a quick sweatpants change so that I could wake up, before I grabbed the coffee from the table, checked the bag and took a seat across from him. “You really do know him.”

“I told you that before,” I answered, but didn’t offer any more.

“Yeah, well if I knew he would give you that kind of reaction, I would have pushed more instead of keeping you at the roadhouse.” He admitted and I shook my head. I knew he was freaking stalling.  “I’ve never seen my cousin like that, not Dean and if he’s that way with you, I can’t imagine how Sam is going to be.”

“I don’t get what you mean, never seen him like that, how is he usually?” I thought back to what I knew, what Sam and Dean both had told me about the time after Sam had left, when Dean was alone with John, the way that the older one had become just as dark.

“Dean doesn’t love easy.” Christian laughed.

“No one loves easy, Chris, I mean it’s love, it shouldn’t be  _ easy _ , that just makes it lust.” 

“Yeah, well that,” and he gestured to the bed, where Dean lay in a position as if I were still there, “that ain’t lust.”

“It’s not supposed to be,” I reassured him. “Look, Chris, you and I, we talked about this.  I’m not after the boys, not after him anyway, he’s got someone else, whether he knows it or not. I wanna fix what I broke, and if that means anything, it means giving them back what they felt before.”

“You never told me how your memories were erased.”

“I’m still remembering myself,” I sighed and looked out the window, gently spinning the coffee cup between my hands. “I mean, there is still a lot that I can’t focus on, right now life seems to revolve around April, the trip and getting the boys back, but I know more stuff happened, I know June happened in Winchester, Virginia, but I don’t know what.”

Which was totally a lie because I know the one thing, the most important thing that happened there and I dreaded the day that Dean found out about it.

~~~~~

I had found myself sitting out by the GTO not more than an hour later. My mind thinking about what was supposed to come next. I knew that Dean had called Sam, I knew that at some point in time I was going to have to face up to what it happened at the cemetery. I knew Dean would have to come face-to-face with the reality of exactly what he had done and what I hadn’t done which was stop it.

It was as if he knew that I was thinking about him, because just as I had finished staring off into space thinking about our next move, the door open and Dean came stepping outside. I watched him take one of those sticks out of the pack, tap it on his hand, put it between his lips, and light the end of it. He stood at the end of the small walk right in front of the back bumper of the Impala and slowly took a drag.

Why was it so fascinating to watch this stupid cigarettes? It wasn't as if I hadn't seen anyone smoking before but it was just something about Dean doing it that wasn't only intriguing, but a little odd to watch. He took a couple drags, blew the smoke out, and looked around the lot before his eyes landed on mine.

He didn't come towards me right away, just kind of stuffed his hand in his pocket, use the other one leisurely continue his enjoyment before he snuffed the butt out at the bottom of his boot and flicked it into the nearest trash barrel. I watched him take a deep breath, as if he were dreading the next few minutes and slowly he walked over, those bowlegs looking extremely good in those blue jeans.

What the hell was I thinking? I should be looking at his legs! I shouldn't be looking at him at all. I should be standing there with my eyes closed damn it! There's no way that Dean Winchester should be anywhere on my mind, let alone coming closer to me when I couldn't get him off of it. Maybe Birdy was right, maybe something had happened in the translation of these memories that just made it click differently this time. Why couldn't I get over this need for him? I mean I understood it before, so why was I having such a hard time with it now?

He stopped about three feet from me, put his hands in his jean pockets, looked me over, and then decided that the space was too much. Suddenly, he was leaning against the car beside me, every inch from my shoulder to my ankle touching him in some way and I had to cross my arms to keep my hands from reaching out.

“We need to talk.” He stated and this only made me laugh because, yeah, we so needed to talk alright. I rolled my eyes, pffted,and glanced up at him.

“Tell me you're not going to get all sorts of weird over a kiss?” I asked him and watch this he grin but look down as if he were shy about the whole subject. “You are going to get all sorts of weird, aren't you?”

“Ali, I remembered,” And he paused for just a second to collect his thoughts. “I remembered you and I remembered how we were, and I remembered that  _ you _ were with  _ Sam. _ You were in love with Sam and I kissed you. I kissed you after everything came back, after I knew what you meant to my brother! If that doesn't make me some kind of douchebag, then I don't know what does.”

“Would you like me to call you that?” And I turned towards him, moving away from the bumper of the car. I really wanted to look at his face while we had this conversation, not stand side-by-side, feel him, or touch him, or smell him, because, seriously, if this guy smelled any better I would…  I needed to get my head on straight, and I took a step back the more space between us the better. “Dean, what you remembered was intense, and I get it, I really do. It's not something that just... you can…” I fumbled my words before I could find the ones that made any sense to me. “Look Dean, seriously, it was just a kiss. It was a crazy, mixed-up, out-of-control moment and you kissed me. Can't we just get past that?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, “I guess that's what we're going to have to do, we're just going to have to get over it, or passed it, whichever!” He pushed away from the car and I thought he was going back towards the room, he's stopped beside me and looked down, his green eyes staring to mine. “Look, Sammy agreed to meet us in Decatur, Alabama. That's what I came out here to tell you. It’s seven hour drive, so we'll be leaving soon. He said he's following up a lead on the case so when we get there, he should be done with his research.”

“Okay, so just let me know when we're leaving, because I'll gas up the GTO.” I whispered softly, knowing that by the tone of his voice I had hurt him in some way that he would never admit to. Dean nodded,  giving me just a little glance before he took a couple steps away. I turn quickly towards him and sighed. “Dean!” I watch them stopped in his tracks, I watched the muscles in his back tighten up as he removed his hands from his pockets and clench them into a fist. “I'm sorry, okay I just don't know how…”

He turned towards me and came at me faster than I could blink, and before I knew it, his hands were on my neck, his thumbs running over the soft skin of my cheeks and he presses lips against mine. This kiss was just as soft as it was the night before, but there was an urgency in this one, almost like the need to touch. This kiss was meant to be the last one, the one stolen one that we were never meant to have.

He breathed into me as his lips parted and came down to capture mine once more before I heard him sigh and then he let me go, pulling that warmth away from me as he put his forehead to mine.

“This never happened.” He whispered softly, the pads of his thumb gently caressing my lower lip. “No matter what anyone says, I will take this to my grave and Sam will never know. I love you too much, I love Sammy too much to come between you. I know you said that there was someone out there waiting for me but Ali, I don't know what to do, so I'm going to do what I always do. I'm a locked away, and I'm going to keep it safe when the time comes, then you and I are going to figure this out.”

He let me go just as suddenly as he had taken hold of me and I watched as he moved back towards the room. Christian stood leaning against the door as Dean pushed by in and grumbled that they needed to get ready to go before disappearing into the darkness of the room. I let myself fall backwards, as if I were weightless, but I knew I never left my feet,  finding the GTO to lean on as I tried to catch my breath and my racing heart. The look on Christian's face must have mimic mine because both of us were in total shock of what had just had just happened.

In just a few hours we would be on the road, on our way to Sam, and he left me with this? The knowledge that he loved me, that he remembered? And how much of it did he truly know, because if he was still confessing that he knew there was someone out there, I was positive he didn't remember Danni. What was I supposed to with that? And what was I supposed to do that kiss?

~~~~~

The tension in the room between the three of us was tolerable. Christian made seemingly harmless jokes as I check in with the kids, returned text messages and made a few phone calls, the same thing I did every day about that time.  Dean decided that food was something we needed before heading out and since Christian had botched that by getting sideswiped, he volunteered to take Baby to the store, leaving me with his cousin as he snatched the keys off the table, let his fingers run over my shoulders for just a moment before he disappeared out the door.

Christian sat on the bed, once the sound of the engine was far enough away that he felt safe enough to talk.  I blinked away the confusion, the  _ I’m going to lock this away but still touch you _ kind of confusion that my mind was telling me he could shove, before I looked up at Chris’ hazel eyes.

“That bad, huh?” He whispered, and I almost tossed the stale donut from that morning at him. 

“Worse!”I replied and put my hands against my face as I placed my elbows on my knees and sighed into them. “I didn’t come here to confuse him, I certainly didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“Maybe it was meant to,” and this had me shooting daggers at him with just my eyes.

“Don’t make me shoot you!” I growled and watched as that sly smile crossed his face. 

“Ali, come on, you two have been connected from the jump, why the hell does it shock you that this is happening at all?” I closed my eyes, so not needing to hear this. “Listen, I know it’s extreme, but maybe this is how he has to deal with it this time? Maybe having Sam around will kind of lighten the load.”

“This morning you said he had never been like that with anyone else, but I know he has, I’ve seen it.” I snapped. “He loved Danni before, to the extreme, and I get that he doesn’t know everything yet, but how do I live with that? With the fact that he… twice! Chris, he kissed me twice.”

“And he curled up with you in bed, and he protected you from a monster,” the Campbell man across from me retorted.

“I will shoot you!” I threatened again.

“So you keep saying, but it’s not much of a threat if you don’t intend to do anything about it.” He teased and I quickly pushed off the chair. Tackling him unexpected put the six-foot hunter off his game and suddenly the two of us were falling to the hard, carpeted floor as I wrestled to get his hands pinned behind him, but he turned the tables and pinned me to the floor. Looking down at me, he grinned, and shook his head. “Not playing with you, Porter, and I’m not going to be your distraction either.”

“Well, you’re no fun,” I huffed but he didn’t let me go, but I watched him take in a deep breath. “It’s okay you know, to go back to Jo.”  I watched him roll his eyes as he backed off, letting me lay on the floor, not that I really wanted to be there, but he sat against the bed, his knees bent over my legs as I pushed myself up to my elbows. “I can see it all over your face, Campbell!”

“You know, I really don’t like you!” He mumbled and shook his head, “haven’t from the jump, but,” he took a breath in and looked at me, “I worry about you, especially with this thing going on between you and Dean.”

“There isn’t anything going on between me and Dean,” I mocked, rolling my eyes.

“Keep telling yourself that,” he winked and stood, grabbing my hand to help me from the floor as we heard the rumble of the Impala. “I’m going to drive the GTO down, park it at the motel that Dean gave me the address for and scat, because Sam and I, yeah, not pretty, but if you need me…”

“I get it, Chris,” I laughed as I sat back down at the table, grabbed my bag from the floor and made sure that the spectrum was tucked securely in her spot. Suddenly, I looked up at him and watched that smile cross his face. “You think you’re driving my car??”

“Already talked to Jones,” he teased, “not going to have that guy get me by the family jewels,” the grin widened, “I’m thinking Resses likes them just where they are.”

“Resses?” I smiled, thinking of the hunter who had spent the night with him and shook my head, “she let you call her that and you’re still alive?”

“She’s going to let me call her lots of things next time they’re in town,” he grinned like a loon as he went over to grab his stuff just as Dean walked in the door. The two of us looked up at him, as his eyes went from one of us to the other and he shook his head. “Sup, Cuz?”

“We gotta skip town,” he said in all seriousness. 

“Why?” I stood from the chair and grabbed the first-in bag, the only thing left in the room.

“Cops caught wind of a B & E last night, guess who they tracked it back to,” he said with a bit of annoyance before the three of us headed out towards the car. I gave Christian the keys and he gave me a wink before he looked up at Dean. “Be safe.”

“Don’t drive angry,” Chris said as he reached a hand out to his cousin.

“Just drive,” Dean replied and shook it before the hazel eyed man headed towards my GTO. I looked up at Dean when Christian started the engine and he looked his gaze on me. “Get in, we need to get out of here.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” I answered and slipped into the passenger's seat. Finally ready to put Upland, Indiana in the rearview mirror, no matter what car it belonged to.


	12. Chapter 12

Sweet Home Alabama

 

Cars and I usually didn't get along when it came to sleep, but for some reason with Dean driving my body told me that I wasn't ever going to be any safer. So two hours into the ride to Alabama, I found myself laying across the front seat of Baby with the top of my head against his thigh and deep into a restless sleep.

 

It was then that I started to dream. Some strange sequence of events that led me to no actual conclusion, but I knew one thing Sam was definitely involved.

 

I found myself in a bar trying to fight my way through a crowd as if I had been sucked into some concert? Maybe? It was loud, there was a lot of people and for some reason I was watching Sam walk out the door. Dean was nowhere to be found as I headed in that general direction and suddenly found myself out into the night.

 

The air had a chill to it, something not quite natural and I tried my hardest to fight the feeling of dread. Trying to find my way around the parking lot full of cars I noticed that there was no Impala, there was no GTO. There was just rows and rows of endless cars. I heard a noise not quite normal, but loud enough for me to notice and it was coming from the back alley.

 

I slipped the Spectrum blade out of her resting spot at my hip, twirled her in my hand just to make sure I had the feel of her and headed off into the darkness. Coming around the corner my senses were heightened, because the shadows were thick and full of unknown energy.

 

There had to be something there to cause that much of a shift in the air and as I made that final turn I knew exactly what was going on. Under the light from the back door I could see Sam. He was wrapped up in the arms of another woman, her legs locked around his hips as he braced her against the wall and my heart started to race.

 

What had I walked in on? Sam was kissing her wildly and this woman's hands were tangled in his hair. The passion between them was endless and I felt the spark of something, not quite sure if I was turned on or jealous, because watching it from my angle was like watching it as if it were a dream.

 

Her hair was like mine but long instead of the the length that I had now and she was dressed in a short black skirt, tight top and boots that went up and up. I could hear sounds that they we're making and it reminded me of sex. Sex and Sam.

 

Oh what was I doing there? Why was I just watching? Was this something I really wanted to see Sam with another woman? But I knew there had to be some other reason for it, there's no way that I would just watch was there?

 

That's when I saw it, the way her hands moved along his skin and the strange light that seemed to illuminate from the trail that her fingers left. This was not your average woman.  _ This _ was a monster.

 

I clinched the Spectrum in my hand, my knuckles turning white. I knew now what I was seeing this because this was Sam,  _ my _ Sam and he was in trouble.

 

He suddenly seemed to stumble under her weight and I found myself moving forward quickly watching as he fell until she was hovering above him. Sam was on his knees, his skin an ashen color and his eyes started to pale. This wasn't happening! There was no way this monster was getting the best of Sam Winchester.

 

I ran in swinging taking her attention away from Sam, but I could hear his body fall to the ground and just as quickly as the dream began it ended with me driving the blade into the monster’s back. My eyes locked on Sam's now still and unseen ones and I knew I had been too late.

 

I sat up quickly in the car and pressed my body against the door. This giving Dean a bit of a shock and I felt the Impala swerve before he pulled over and put it in park. I tried to catch my breath as he turned and looked at me cutting the engine. I could see the worry on his face.

 

“Ali, what the hell?” He snapped, but there was an emotion just under the surface of his irritation that made the tears in my eyes well up even more. He reached over and took hold of my arm, not harshly but gently and I could feel his fingers tapping against my skin as if he were calming himself. “What did you see? Tell me what you saw.”

 

“It was Sam,” I whispered and sniffled back the tears before I reached down, slipping out of his grasp, to grab the journal from my bag. Breathing heavily I brought it up to my lap, pulled my knees up against me and leaned on the door. I don't know if he expected more from me or if it was just something that he was used to getting, but when I didn't say anything else he sighed, turned back to the road, started the car and took off again. As I scribbled down my notes I tried my best to think out loud. Maybe I did need him to know what I saw. “I think it was a succubus,” and I glanced up at him as he scoffed. He glanced my way, one hand on the wheel and the other reaching over to turn the drawing that I had done. “But that's not what he's searching for, is it?”

 

“He said he thought it was a Wraith.” Dean spoke up, but shook his head. “I mean, with Sam, it really could be anything. He only gives me general details about his hunts.”

 

“Really? You would think that your brother would want you in on what he was doing. I mean that's how you guys work, as a team. At least in my experience you always had each other's back and now you're telling me that he won't even let you in on what he's doing?” The look on Dean's face told me that there was a lot of stuff that I didn't know and he wasn't about to get into it. “Okay, look, so maybe it is a Wraith that he's hunting now, but this was definitely a succubus. I mean, I watched it. While they were kissing it literally suck the life out of him.”

 

“Kissing? You were watching Sam kissing this thing? What the hell are your dreams good for if all you get to do is sit back and observe?” He snapped and I wondered what exactly was on his mind. Was it the kissing part or the fact that Sam was doing something with a monster again? “Okay, so you walk in on Sammy and this chick… I'm going to assume it was a chick.... it was a chick right?”

 

“Yeah, it was a chick okay?” I replied back and shook my head. “I didn't really walk in on them. I kind of followed him out to the back alley and saw what they were doing. Wasn’t like I intended on following him period just when he left the bar…”

 

“Oh, so now you're at a bar? With Sammy kissing some chick?” And I smiled at him as I shook my head.

 

“Dean, dude, you've got to get your priorities straight!” Then I sighed, “okay, so anyway, I walked out, followed him around the back of the building, caught them making out and,” I paused, “there was just something about it, like you can feel the energy in the air, I knew it wasn't right. But before I could get to it he was dead.”

 

“Alright, there is no way this is actually going to happen! There's no way that Sammy would let a monster get a jump on him and let it kill him!” I closed the journal, put it back in the bag and lean to my head against the glass watching the lights fly by. “So you got the jump on the monster Sammy died what happened next?”

 

“I woke up.” I shrugged and took a deep breath, “I mean there wasn't anything else to do. He was dead and she was pretty well ganked. I think I know how to kill it,” I said sitting up and I watched Dean narrow his eyes at me before putting them back on the road.

 

“Okay Sylvia Browne, what have you got?”

 

I turned in the seat to look at him and I ran my hands down my face as I tried to think back. “I remember looking at Sam's eyes and I remember walking up behind her. I started out with the Spectrum blade in my hand, but Dean, that wasn't the one that I stabbed her with.”

 

“Okay... so, shoot what do you think it was?”

 

“It was black, like... like an old stone. Almost like an arrowhead that the Indians used to use.”

 

“Like the ones you find on the shores sometimes when you're in a river somewhere in the woods?” Dean asked as if he didn't quite understand me, but I pointed at him nodding excitedly.

 

“That's exactly it! It was a stone blade made out of something black and it looked like it had a bone handle wrapped with leather cord.” I couldn't believe how vividly I saw this blade now, but talking to him about it seem to bring the visions back.

 

“What? Was it like obsidian or jet or what?” He rattled off the names of some stones and all I could do was think. I wasn't as up on my gems and stones as I should have been, but one of those sounded familiar.

 

“Obsidian I think.” I whispered as I grab the Journal again and my pen. Sitting there with him as he drove silently I was able to sketch out what the blade looked like and yeah, obsidian made sense. The question now is what do I do with it?

 

I stared out the window reliving the vision in my dream and it wasn't until the car came to a halt again that I realized where we were. I turned to face Dean, a question in my eyes and he just shook his head.

 

“Pee break!” He smiled as he opened the door. “And I need to get gas. You need to get yourself a coffee or something cuz it's going to be a long night if you keep nodding off like that.”

 

I smiled at him and watched as he disappeared around the back of the car. I could hear the license plate move, the way the gas cap came off and him shoving the nozzle down to the whole. My mind went completely south. What the hell is up with this guy and these thoughts? I really needed to find Sam. 

 

Opening the passenger side door I quickly grabbed my wallet, took a twenty out of the fold and stretched. Dean's eyes were on me as I did this and I gave him a sly grin as I headed towards the store. Glancing back, I winked, pulling a total Christian move.

 

“Coffee? Beer?” I yelled back to him and watched as he smiled.

 

“Pie!” He replied and went back to what he was doing with the car. I shook my head, I shoulda known. The boy couldn't pass up an opportunity for pie even if it cost him his life.

 

Inside the store I could hear the elevator music going, but I did what he asked and I found a piece of the pre-cut pie in a small box. I hope he likes apple. I grabbed two coffees and a granola bar for myself and I watched the news as the man at the register wrung me out.

 

The captions on the television read: Third body found in undisclosed location, cause of death unknown.

 

I looked at the cashier and gesture to the TV. “Do you think you could turn that up?”

 

“Volume doesn't work on it.” He replied grabbing a paper that was sitting beside the counter and flopped it down in front of me. “It's been all over the news. Between here and Alabama there's been a rash of these things and they're not even sure what the hell happened.”

 

“Can I buy that?”

 

“No need. It's yesterday's Edition. It isn't going to have this stuff on it from tonight.” He folded it and stuffed in the bag with the other things that I had bought before he handed me back my change. “You have a good night.”

 

“Yeah you too.” I replied, grabbed the bag and the two coffees and headed out the door. By the time I reach the Impala Dean had already made it to the bathroom and back and filled the tank up. So when he looked at me as I slipped in the door I watched the confusion across his face. Sitting in the seat, I handed in his cup and place the bag on the seat between us. “So get this, apparently there's been a rash of unexplained deaths in the area from here all the way to Alabama over the last week and a half.”

 

“Yeah so what's that got to do with anything?” I slipped the paper out from the bag and place it on the seat before putting his little slice of pie on top of it.

 

“Give it a read, sounds kind of familiar.”

 

“Huh,” he said as he unfolded the paper and read through the article. “So, what, this is been going on for a week and a half and we're just noticing it now? What the hell has Sam been doing? This is so much better than a wraith any day.”

 

“Oh yeah, you're so broken up about this!” I laughed as I took a drink of the coffee before I unwrapped the granola bar. “We're what, a good three hours out still? I mean we could give him a heads up at least right?”

 

“Sammy doesn't need a heads up.” Dean stated and with annoyance folded the paper back up and placed it on the seat. He started up the car, put it in drive and took off from the gas station headed down the back roads towards our destination. “Besides if we give him the heads-up about this one, what do you think he's going to do with the one he's chasing now?” 

 

“How should I know? He's your brother! Apparently I don't know you guys at all anymore, not talking to each other about cases, pfft, what's up with that?” He rolled his eyes at me as he opened the small box and took the slice of pie out, taking a large bite before he put it back down. I watched as he skillfully used his knees to steer the car and I shook my head. “You know that's how you get into an accident. You shouldn't pie and drive at the same time.”

 

“Ha ha ha ha.” he stated sarcastically with a mouth full of food. I just continued to grin as we moved down the road waiting for him to finish savoring his sugary treat. It was when he grabbed his coffee that he glanced at me. “Hey Ali, we should probably talk about stuff before we get to Sam.”

 

“I don't want to talk about anything anymore.” I snapped. “Every time someone says to me  _ we got to talk _ , it never turns out any good for me at all. So what could you possibly have to say that would make me want to listen to it?”

 

“Okay, okay! I was just going to say maybe you should tell me something about Danni. I mean, she's something to me right? I mean, I get that we had something, but it's not that I remember it. I get these... flashes, you know, like I should remember something but I don't.” I turned in my seat to face him, grabbed the blanket of the green cooler from the back seat and covered myself with it. He gripped the steering wheel in frustration before he sighed. “I guess I just need something to go on, something that might help, you know, take these feelings off of you.”

 

“You want me to tell you about Danni so that you can stop thinking about me”? He shrugged as a reply. “You know that's not going to work if you don't remember on your own, right?”

 

“I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to do that Ali.” He let out his breath and reached over to take my hand. “Do you realize how hard this is? Like I said? I know you're with Sam, I remember it, but I can't change what's going on inside my head. So, I got to do something else and you gotta help me. You got to tell me about Danni so I can try to get past this.”

 

“Alright we got, what, three hours to kill? If that's what you want to spend the rest of the time on the road together talking about, then I'll tell you that Danni. Where do you want me to start?”

 

Dean looked over at me, down at our joined hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. “How about you just start from the beginning? I know how we met you and me, so what about Danni?”

 

I smiled at this one, because that one little line that she had said to me before we got into the cars, that had said it all and she was definitely right. These were the Winchesters and we were so totally screwed.

 

~~~~~~

Explaining Danni to Dean was easy. Explaining Dean to Dean was a little bit more difficult because no matter which way I turned the wheel the question always came up.

 

“Why the hell would I do that?” Dean asked me for the upteenth millionth time and by then I was rolling my eyes.

 

So I had gotten past the deal of how the four of us had met in the parking lot of Fred and Red's in Joplin, the way we had explained the boys to themselves and exactly how we had so much information on them. Now I was at the point, a good 2 hours into the game, where Dean was starting to question his own sanity.

 

“Okay is this such a far-fetched story that you can't understand the concept of it. Why am I explaining you to you to begin with? I mean, honestly Dean, can you not see yourself doing this?” I asked as I shifted in the seat once more. This time bringing my legs up to my chest so that I could face him fully with the blanket still tucked around me. He rolled his eyes at me, his lips tight before he gave me just a little shake of his head. “So we're in Lawrence, we're at the photoshoot and she nearly took off with a police officer and I was almost ready to shoot the guy. How is that not self-explanatory?”

 

“I'm not that kind of jealous person, Al.” Dean sighed and scratched the side of his head before running his hand across his eyebrows. “If there was nothing between us at that point why exactly was I getting so uppity?”

 

I grinned in his direction but I close my eyes, put my head back against the glass. “Like I told you before, when we met the two of you were… well let's just say that you and Danni had a rocky start and not because there was something wrong, it was because you two are too much alike. Older siblings always watching out for the younger ones. Neither of you trusted each other, you didn't trust me and she didn't trust Sam. It all just kind of escalated and at some point in all that confusion you figured out that you could trust us.”

 

“I knew I could trust you from the jump. If I didn't I wouldn't have let you anywhere near Sam, not with scissors and a needle!” Dean laughed. It was good to hear it even if it was sarcastic and I opened my eyes to see the look on his face. “That's it you know, that's why this is so intense, because your family.”

 

“So I keep hearing,” I whispered stretching my legs out putting my sock covered feet on his thighs. His hand came down and rested on my ankle as his thumb moved over the the top of my foot and he glanced over at me. “So anyway, you guys got closer and by that night you were together.”

 

“That was it? We were just together?”

 

“See I told you hearing it from me wasn't going to help you any. It's more of a feeling that you get when you're with her, like you do with me but different.” And I heard him clear his throat in the dark. “I don't know what else you need to know. I mean, there's so much more to the two of you then I know. After April, I wasn't around”. The look in his eyes as his head whipped in my direction told me that I must have been out of my mind even saying that to him. “Look, we didn't stay together after April. The demons attacked Danni’s home, you took her to the bunker, I went back to Massachusetts and I left Sam with you.”

 

“What do you mean you left Sam with me? Why wasn't he with you?” Dean questioned angry and unsure. “You needed to be protected, why the hell would he leave you?”

 

“Because I told him too!” I replied dryly. “If I knew anything about you guys there was one thing that rang true no matter what. It was you first and Sammy first and I intended to keep it that way. So, I sent him back to keep you and Danni safe.”

 

“For how long?” And I sat there silently. “Ali, for how long?!”

 

Sighing, I cross my arms under the blanket. “Honestly, I don't remember. After that it still is kind of a blur in my memory, but I know that we get back together, the four of us, just can't remember when.”

 

Dean's hold on my ankle tightened just a little giving me a reassuring squeeze before he turned back to look at the road ahead of him. I licked my lips dry from constant conversation and fell silent into the night. It seems like this was it, there was nothing more to say until the phone rang not more than fifteen minutes out of Decatur and I heard Sam's frantic voice over the line.

 

~~~~~~

_ Stay in the car _ , he said.  _ I’ll be right back, _ he said! Son of a bitch!

You should never listen to a Winchester, especially one who tosses the phone he had just been talking on with his brother, slams the car in park and runs out like a bat out of hell. STAY IN THE CAR! He must be out of his damned mind!

I grabbed the spectrum from my bag, tucked my gun in the back of my jeans and headed out into the abandoned house that Dean had disappeared into. This was probably one of the biggest mistake of my hunting career, but Sam and Dean were both in the building and there was no way I was sitting outside waiting for something stupid to happen.

Of course, that’s when it happened. I ducked as the window shattered on the second floor, sending pieces of glass cascading down over me, but nothing flew out, so there was that. Wanting to yell up about how helpful it was to give their location, I decided against it and made my way past the unhinged door and up the stairs, gun in hand and spectrum stowed in its sheath.

As I rounded the corner towards the room I could hear the sound of men grunting, which could mean one of two things, but knowing these two, they were either getting their asses handed to them or winning. I was more apt to go with winning. What did you think I meant, you perverts?

I peeked in the room, Dean was moving away from the wall where he had just been tossed, albeit a bit slow for my taste, but it was the one on the ground, the one with the long hair that was in a tussle with whatever monster he happened to be pursuing at the time, that had me worried.

The thing had him pinned, it’s hands to his throat, large pointed teeth bared and glowing red eyes. Ugly mother if I do say so myself and I swapped the gun out for the blade. Moving up as quietly as I could, one eye on dean, who managed to lean up against the wall, staring wide-eyed at me while shaking his head and the other on the brother pinned to that floor, I was able to avoid the flailing limbs of the two involved and I waited until just the right moment to strike.

Sam was yet again pinned and the monster was going in for the bite as it were, but I raised my hand up and brought the blade plunging down into its back. It howled in pain, released Sam from its grip and turned its eyes on me.

“Dammit, Ali!” Dean growled and I raised my hands as if to say  _ I didn’t know _ as the monster stepped towards me. I looked over at Dean, gave him just a shrug and a small grin as I caught the sudden movement of Sam from my side. 

It happened pretty fast, Sam tackled me down to the floor, Dean grabbed the closest gun and fired three times, the monster snarled down at me as I was pinned beneath the taller man and suddenly Sam’s arm was shielding my face as the thing exploded. The only thing I heard after that was the sound of the spectrum hitting the floor and Dean coughing up the demon dust he had inhaled.

Sam moved his arm, used his elbows to prop himself up as I turned my head to look at the scolding face of the blue-green eyes above me. As much as I wanted to stay and relish in the moment of his body pressed against mine, I needed to move and put my hands against his chest.

“That… was stupid,” he grumbled and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, but it saved your ass, didn’t it?” I snarked and he shook his head. It was then that the expression of complete shock came over his face and he paled as he took in everything he could about me, like he was looking at a ghost.

“Sam, meet Ali,” Dean laughed, which started a coughing fit.

“Do you mind?” I whispered and he shook his head as if clearing his thoughts, before he nodded and pushed himself off from me. 

Dean, who had gotten to his knees, picked up the spectrum, set its handle towards me and slid it across the room before he finally got to his feet. He helped Sam up first, then reached down for me, only to give me a look  that would have been seen as a reprimand.

“Yeah, I know, you said  _ stay in the car _ .” I laughed as I took his outstretched hand and he pulled me to my feet before his hand was on my cheek, his eyes were locked on mine. I slapped it away. “Dude, seriously, I’m not hurt, quit doting!”

“I’m not doting!” He snapped and reached out again, but I gave him a small shake and his hands clenched by his side before he turned to Sam, who only glanced back and forth between us.

“Dude what the hell did you shoot it with?” Sam asked as we headed out of the building. “Witch killers?”

“Good old fashioned silver bullets.” Dean shrugged as Sam stopped, gave him a “huh” face and then continued walking. Dean looked back at me, winked and gave me a grin, before walking on.

~~~~~

Dean looked at me as we followed Sam to the motel he had been staying in. I mean, he really should have been looking at the road, but there he was with his eyes on me. I rolled mine, sighed and glanced over at him.

“You done?” I asked, “you get a good look?”

“What is up your ass?” He questioned, “And what the hell were you thinking running into an unknown situation with a gun and a knife? You didn’t even know if that would stop it!”

“Hey I learned from the best,” I smiled and watched as he rolled his eyes. “Look, you ran in there giving me nothing to go on, Sam was in there and, you’re right, I didn’t think, but I couldn’t just sit back and not help. I guess it’s not in my nature to stand idly by.”

“It’s not in your nature to do what you’re told either.” He sighed and reached over, taking my hand in his and instantly I saw him calm. “As much as Sam is going to let you have it as soon as we get to the motel, I’m glad you came in. I was pretty well… it got the jump on me.”

“Yeah, I saw that.” He glanced at me, released my fingers and put them back on the wheel, just as the Charger turned into a brown, roadside motel parking lot. 

“You gonna behave?” He smirked, “I mean don’t jump his bones as soon as you walk in the door.”

“Dean, between you and Christian and your innuendos, and that…” I paused and felt the blush rush up on my face, remembering that we had decided not to talk about the K-I-S-S thing that happened, “yeah, I’ll try to hold back.”

“I thought so,” he put the car in park and gave me just this half-cocked grin and I knew he was thinking something really perverted, but it only made him laugh out loud when I slapped him across the arm. “Hey! I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”

“Such a liar!” I watched as Sam unlocked the room door and glanced over at me, locking stares before he disappeared into the darkness. Dean only grinned as every expression fell from my face and he patted my thigh.

“Come on, Kid, he’s not going to bite you,” but he paused halfway out of the car before he turned back to me with a grin, “oh, I forgot, you like that.”

“Screw you!” I grumbled and felt the heat in my cheeks as he laughed his way out of the car, closing the door behind him. I took a deep breath, gathered my thoughts and followed him out. Looking down the row, I caught a glimpse of the GTO parked near the manager's office. 

Would you look at that, Christian delivered.

Venturing over, I managed to get the keys from the guy behind the desk, started her up and moved her next to Sam’s charger. I also grabbed a second room right next to theirs and brought my bags in to get comfortable.

I grabbed the folded note that I had found on my seat and finally sat down to open it, scribbled almost illegibly was a  _ love letter _ from Christian.

_ Hey Kid, _

_ Whatever you’re thinking, this isn’t goodbye, I just can’t be near Sam, you know. It’s volatile. BUT, I want you to know that you will always have me. We’re family now, whether you want me or not and I would do anything to protect you.  _

_ I’ll be at the Roadhouse with Jo, we’re going to help you start looking for Danni. I didn’t want to admit it before but yeah, we know her pretty well and if you’re looking for her, than I know it’s important, especially with what I’ve seen between you and Dean. _

_ She’s been pretty messed up lately and she could use all the love she can get. I can see it in your eyes that you will give her that and you’ll protect her, so if I find her first, I’ll let you know. _

_ Taking off now, text you when I arrive.  _

_ Damn, girl, you smell good. _

_ BTW, I stole one of your t-shirts. _

_ C.C. _

He stole one of my shirts? What the hell, Christian! Ugh, like clothing wasn’t scarce to begin with, now I was going to have to find my way to a damn Walmart and get some new ones.  

Putting the note in my journal, I slipped the spectrum out, washed it and put it back where it belonged before I moved towards Sam’s room not sure why I was so dead set on not having this conversation with him, especially after I had almost botched the hunt he was on.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and leaned on the wood beside the door, listening to the brothers inside the room for just a minute as I tried to get my hands and body to stop shaking.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 

13 Reasons Why

 

It didn’t take long to catch onto their conversation as I stood outside the door, head back, eyes closed, trying to catch my heart. That was  _ SAM _ in there and all I wanted to do was run into his arms.

 

“She’s been with you only a couple days and what? You trust her?” Sam asked with trepidation as he sat close to the door. My guess, behind his computer at the table. “Don't you think that's a little weird? I mean what exactly do you know of her?”

 

Somewhere in the room, probably on the bed sitting exactly where he always did, I heard Dean sigh. “I know it's crazy and I know crazy is something we do, but Sam, I know her, you know her and trust me when I say this. You just got to try to remember this, even though it’s the hardest thing in the world.”

 

“Remember what exactly? I mean, yeah I remember April. I remember Ohio. I certainly haven’t forgotten that damn vampire vision, but I don't remember her.” Sam spoke up and I heard the laptop closed.

 

“Man, you've been drawing her for months now. I mean, your journal is filled with different pictures of her. You can't tell me that that doesn't make you wonder what the hell is going on? And I'm telling you I know.”

 

“Yeah, but do you know why? I mean, did she say something to you? Did you hear her say any Latin on her breath? There could be a million and half ways she could put a spell on you.” That was my Sam, always looking for the supernatural. But then again, who was I to argue because it kind of was something supernatural that did this. Cas did this. What exactly he did was part of  the memories that were still eluding me. Sam continued even as Dean laughed. “I'm just saying there's got to be something that you’re missing. You are too close to this, Dean.”

 

“Dude, don't older brother me. My job is to be annoying, your job is supposed to be to just sit there and take it. And yeah, I found out a lot of things about us too. Things that are different the last few months.”

 

“Of course the last two months are going to be different Dean. Dad died, we've been living through hell and now this woman shows up from I don't know where claiming she knows us from April! That doesn't give me much to go on, Man. I'm not saying that she's lying, but you gotta see it from my point of view. Yeah I've been drawing her, but I've always had visions. So what makes it any different?”

 

“Just listen to her Sammy. Even if it's just for shits and giggles, because some of the crap that she knows no one in the world would ever guess. Hell, our closest friends don't know half the crap she does.”

 

“We don't have close friends, Dean. All of our close friends are dead.”

 

“Way to be a Debbie Downer, Sammy. Listen, would you just give her a chance?”

 

“Fine, whatever! So when do we do this?” I heard him pause and Dean's boots hit the floor. Before I knew it I was looking up at the green eyed man and he was holding out of hand to me.

 

“I can't, Dean, I whispered softly. Still I felt my fingers slip into his. “He doesn't trust me. He's not going to sit and just listen to what I have to say.”

 

“Okay, so you'll take me on, make my ass sit down and hear you out, but what you're afraid of my little brother?” He laughed which made me roll my eyes. “I thought you were a big bad hunter. There's nothing Ali’s afraid of.” He mocked and I reached out to smack him with my free hand but he grab that one too, brought the back of it to his lips and winked at me as he kissed it softly. “Come on, he’s not going to stick a knife anywhere it doesn't belong.”

 

“Oh, that's comforting.” I whispered and let him pull me into the room.

 

Sam sat exactly where I had pictured him, but this time he was sitting like Dean usually did. He had his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and a beer in his hand. I made my way over to the dresser making sure there was a clear spot before I hopped up. I could see that this got an unusual reaction from Sam. Like it was something that he had seen before and it wasn't unusual for someone sit on the dresser.

 

“Why don't you sit in a chair like every other normal person?” Dean asked as he found his spot on the bed.

 

“Why would I want to sit on those awful chairs? Half the time they're broken, there's no support and my ass is just going to sink down into him anyway.” I said to him full of sarcasm and a comment popped in my head that was just going to either set him off with a grin or make him roll his eyes. “Besides who doesn't like something hard under their ass?” 

 

And, yep, there went the eyes. It got a smile from Sam. I turned to look at the younger brother, took a deep breath and let my eyes travel over him, picking up on the little things that changed over the months.

 

His hair was a little shorter than I thought it was going to be, but then again it was still typical Sam hair. His eyes were a little bit darker and I know that he had seen some things, especially with his father, but there was something else, something just under the surface, that made me wonder if there wasn't more to what he was feeling. Body-wise, he was Sam, tall, muscular, everything that made him, well, him and I shivered as I looked him over.

 

“You done?” Dean snickered which drew my attention away from his brother. I looked at him with the best stoic face that I could muster, then tilted my head just a little as I narrowed my eyes. “Great now she looks like Cas.”

 

“Okay,” Sam spoke up, “how are we going to do this?” And that brought my eyes back to him.

 

“The, ah, best way I can do it is explain some stuff to you. How we met, etc.” Sam sat back in the chair crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“How did it work for Dean?”

 

“I told Dean some stuff vague stuff and then it just kinda came to him.” I shrugged and looked at the older brother. “I don't know, it works different for everybody.”

 

“How did it work for you?” I turned back to Sam when he asked this and took a deep breath.

 

“The other morning I woke up saying your name,” I whispered softly. “It’s when I started noticing things around my house were different and then I was told that this was the ninth time that I had remembered. When I asked what was going on, what I got was the bull crap story that was made up to protect me.”

 

“You never told me about this.” Dean whispered and I shook my head

 

“My main concern wasn't telling you the lies that I was told. I needed to get you to remember, not to let you see what they were trying to make me forget. If that makes any sense.” I leaned forward on the dresser, grasping my hands on the edge of the wood and I looked down at the strange pattern in the brown carpet below my feet. “According to those protecting me everything in April that I know now never happened. The story I was told started at 8:43 p.m. on April 14th, when I was blindsided by a Mack truck and left me in a coma for a week. The whole week we were together.”

 

I jumped down from the dresser, quickly walked next door and grabbed my journal out of the backpack. When I returned I slipped the photograph out of the pages and handed it to Sam on the way by. He looked over the picture in his hand, scrutinized it for what seemed like forever before I heard that little sound leave his lips.

 

“Huh.” He said softly and handed it off to Dean. This was the one that Christian had been staring at and Dean recognized it. I watched him run a finger over me and then he brought it closer and I watch his eyes go over Danni. “Okay so I don't get it, how is it that you have a picture of us with you in front of an Impala?”

 

“Well that part I'm still getting. From what I remember, it was one of the things that we did while we were out there, a photoshoot with an Impala. That picture,” and I pointed to the picture in Dean's hands, “was one of the bunch that the photographer had happened to take while we weren't looking and if I concentrate hard enough, I’m pretty sure we are having a discussion about Stull Cemetery.” I watched as the boys looked at each other when I mentioned that name, they didn't say anything, just exchanged glances. “Don't worry we didn't go there.”

 

There was a look in Dean's eyes as he looked over the picture and I realize that he was remembering that whole conversation. His gaze flashed to mine and suddenly he looked just a little angry. Yeah, we had had a fight and I'm pretty sure he was remembering every word, but I turned away and looked towards Sam, before I continued.

 

“So how do I get you?” I whispered and hopped down from the dresser biting my lower lip.

 

“Get me? Lady, you don't even know me.” Sam said sarcastically and I glanced at Dean, who had a look of shock on his face, before I turned back to the younger man, moved up and stood between his legs as they were stretched out in front of him. His eyes went over me as if he was taking in everything for the first time and I watched them darken just a bit as the pulse in his neck jumped. “So tell me how do you think you're going to get me?

 

“Close your eyes.” But I watch him shake his head. “Okay, you can sit there with them open, but it's not going to do anything for you this is kind of a mental exercise. I don’t know how good you can visualize the situation.”

 

“And that's going to get you where, how?”

 

“I forgot you like to play Twenty Questions,” I said smiling and I pulled the other chair up in front of him before I sat down and leaned forward, elbows on my knees. “Okay, we can do it a different way. You just sit there and listen and I'll talk.”

 

“Okay, shoot.” He said to me as he reclined. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before I began.

 

“So picture this, you and your brother are sitting in a Waffle House somewhere in the vicinity of West Jefferson, Ohio on the night of April 14th around about 8:43 p.m. Dean looks out the window, not anything unusual. A coffee in his hand, looks like he's been beat to hell and you're sitting in your booth with your laptop open and your back to the rest of the world.” I watched him roll his eyes as he looked at Dean as if to say  _ am I really going to have to listen to this bull crap? _ but Dean just shrugged and gestured for me to continue. “Am I going on or what?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it Waffle House. Keep going.”

 

“Okay, so you're sitting there doing something on your laptop, but Dean won’t stop staring. So, you turn and then you notice a girl sitting in the corner who kind of looks like me. You give Dean face of  _ you gotta be joking _ , but you just go back to what you were doing. As the night wears on though you notice that your brother is not dropping the subject. You don't care who she is, it was bugging you. So you glanced back once more and notice that she's got her feet up with her tablet on her lap, picking away at her dinner. Then, Dean says it’s time to go, drops a couple bills down on the table and you pack up your laptop. As you turn, you finally get a good look at her and then you realize this was a girl from your dreams” 

 

“Okay wait, you already knew that I had dreams about you or that I've been drawing you for the last couple months how is this anything new?”

 

“Give me a second and I'll get to it.” I stated as I stood and decided that, yeah, sitting was not going to be my best option especially for this one. Some part of me remembered a discussion between Sam and I about how his visions had never left him alone, he never had the time to be a kid. He'd always have that demon blood coursing through his veins and I was about to show him exactly how much I knew about his past.

 

“So here's the deal with the girl, like I said, you’ve been dreaming about her for the last couple days. The problem with the dream was it wasn't a dream at all, it was a vision. A vision of you being unable to save her from a vampire that night in her hotel room and yeah, it turns out that her hotel room is two doors down from yours.”

 

Sam sat up quickly, as soon as I had said it. There was no way that anyone should know what he was dreaming about, especially someone he had just met. I watched Dean sit up straight as if he was getting ready to jump at the first sign of Sam moving in the wrong direction, but I knew I was safe. There was no reason for him to be on the defensive because no matter how much time had passed or what he had gone through, yeah, this was  _ my _ Sam and I knew just what he was capable of. 

 

“How could you?” He paused, “How could you possibly have known about that vision? I never even told Dean where I had gotten your image from?” I watched Sam stare his brother down, but Dean just shook his head a little as if to say that he wasn't quite sure he understood either. “What else? What else do you know?”

 

“I know that in your head you couldn't stop it from happening, but I'm telling you that everything you believe should have come true that night did.” I held my breath for just a second as I patted my fingers against my leg, trying to think of what to to do next, about how Sam's brain would work in a situation like this. “If you were having visions of me, if you knew what I look like then who's to say that in your dreams, everything that had happened that night, wasn't real?”

 

“Okay, so let's say that my dreams were real and I remember every vision that I've had, every dream that can be seen as some sort of prophetic piece of a puzzle. So, Ali, you tell me exactly what happened that night?”

 

This was perfect, because I had never forgotten our first meeting. I tented my fingers over my nose for just a second, trying to figure out how to start this off, but then it came to me. I turned and looked at him, stuffed my hands in my pockets and looked up at the door.

 

“So after the diner, you change from your suit into a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Not unusual for you, but something that you were more comfortable in then that suit and tie.” I watched his eyes grow just a little bit larger as I continued. It was as if the room around me faded and I was standing outside that hotel room with him again. “You decided that you wanted something to drink and beer was not on your top of the list. So, you got a couple bucks from Dean's wallet and went outside to the soda machine. When you did, you happen to notice the girl from the diner was two doors down. She was fumbling with her keys and you smile as she ducked inside, but that was kind of the point when you realize she was someone from your visions.

 

“A little while later, when Dean ducked out to get some coffee or beer, whatever it was that he was interested in that moment, you needed to know exactly who she was. You needed to talk to her. So you walked over to the door, knocked, and when she opened you came out with:  _ hi my brother and I saw you at the diner earlier. You know you…” _

 

_ “ _ You had a headlight out, right?” Sam finished as his eyes came to rest on me.”How did you know that?

 

“Easy,” I replied, “because my response was: I guess I’ll have to take care of that in the morning.”

 

Sam stood up quickly and I pressed myself against the dresser. This sudden move had Dean to his feet, but I raised my hand holding the older Winchester off as Sam began to pace, but not move any closer to me.

 

Sam tapped his hands against his thighs, fingers drumming to the beat of whatever song was in his head or whatever song he used to keep his mind straight, I couldn't tell. The thought process that he was going through in order to keep this information straight in his head was working, because I watched his eyes go from anger to acceptance in a blink.

 

“Alright, so I get that we knew each other in April. I get that at some point in time, I knocked on your door and you opened it.” He mumbled and I shook my head because that's all it really was. I cross my arms as I looked at it he stopped pacing, turn to me and stared me in the eyes. “But that doesn't mean that we were anything else accept a casual meet and greet.”

 

I smiled at this and shook my head. Yeah, I knew it wasn't going to be that easy. So on to the new tactic and I moved away from the dresser. Taking a deep breath I looked at both the boys and shrugged.

 

“Well I could go on if you'd like. I mean, I have an entire week's worth of memories with you and I can get pretty graphic.” Dean snickered at this comment since he knew exactly what I was talking about. “Yeah there's a barn scene that I could get pretty detailed into, how fast you needed it and everything.”

 

I watched Sam clenching his teeth and that slight movement of the muscle in his jaw told me that I was getting on his nerves. I thought it was a good thing.

 

“I need five minutes alone with my brother.” Sam's stated as he walked up towards me stopping just close enough so that I had to tilt my head back to look up a him.

 

“That's fine,” and my hand reached out slipping under the loose hem of the tee-shirt that he was wearing and I listened to him hiss as my fingers touched the scar that went just above his hip. “And while the two of you are talking, ask him about this.”

 

I watched as his fists clenched as I moved my fingers along the line of the scar that I had sewn up myself. He hadn't moved back from my touch and I didn't know whether to smile or not, because that could mean one of two things. He was looking for a weakness or he was just giving into the feeling of somebody's hands being on the skin. Not that I thought at any point in time that the time we spent away from each other he spent alone.

 

I slipped my hand out from under his shirt, but not before running it across his hip bones, ones that disappeared below the low rise jeans he was wearing and faintly I heard a growl. A growl that sent shivers through my body and I glanced over at Dean, whose own eyes were taking in every part of me before I exited out through the door leaving them to their discussion.

 

~~~~~~

 

I paused outside to catch my breath. Had I really just done that? Did I really just put my hand on Sam’s hips? I wanted nothing more than to go back inside and do it again, but I know he needed that time. I leaned against the wall head back and close my eyes.

 

I could hear Sam's voice even through the closed door, but then again the window was open and the the tone of it carried. “What the hell, Dean? How much of her past do you know?”

 

“I told you she knew us,” Dean said quietly, but just listening to him I knew that he was keeping his cool because Sam was about to lose his. “There's just things about Ali, Sam, that you need to know.”

 

“I need to know everything, Dean! What happened? I get that she was the one at the diner, the one at the hotel, but after that knock I don't remember anything. I mean nothing that has her in it! She knew about my scar! She didn't hesitate when she reached under my shirt and put her hand on it. The only ones who know anything about it is you and Christian,” and there was just a split second where I could hear the panic in Sam's voice, but when he spoke again the control was back. “Tell me everything. Everything that you remember.”

 

“That could take all night Sammy,” Dean sighed, but I heard the bedsprings move and I knew that he had gotten up, “Just give me a second to check on her and I'll let you in on what I know.”

 

With that I rushed to the room, made sure that I kicked off my shoes and sat down at the table with my journal in hand. I had purposely left the door open about two inches and when I heard the light knock I looked up from the book at the man who stood in the doorway.

 

“So, ah, Sam needs a little bit more than five minutes.” Dean said nervously and I watched as he took the seat across from me rubbing his thighs with his hand. “In fact, he kind of wants me to tell him everything.”

 

“Tell him anything he wants,” I whispered as I leaned my arms on the table. “Dean, there aren’t any rules to this. I don't know what to tell you. I don't think it'll screw it up if you tell him, but I know he has to remember some of it on his own. Just give him what you got, we'll go from there.”

 

“I don't want to screw it up, Ali,” Dean sighed. I moved from my side of the table to stand in front of him. He reached out with his hands, placed one in each side of my hips and pulled me down onto his lap so that I straddle his thighs. So not a position I wanted to be caught in. His hands moved from my waist, his arms wrapped around me, one hand pressing between my shoulders as he held me tightly in an embrace. I slowly ran my hands over his shoulders until I could circle my arms around his neck, placing my lips against his cheek as I breathed in the scent of the skin. “This is scary as hell Ali,” he whispered, his lips coming down onto my shoulders as he took a breath. “If I screw this up, if I screw you up, Sam won't look at you twice. How do I live with that?

 

“I swear you're not going to screw anything up Dean,” and I kissed him softly. “Like I said, go in there and tell him anything he wants to know. We'll figure everything out afterwards. I think I'm going to take a shower anyway and it's getting late so I have to check in with the kids.” 

 

Dean hugged me a little tighter, kissed me quickly on the cheek and pushed me off his lap, helping me stay steady on my feet before he quickly let me go and disappeared out the door. I gave him a bit of a grin even though I knew he couldn't see it. I shut the door behind him and slipped the lock over the top of the Bolt. Yeah, this was going to work out so well. Realizing that I had left most of my stuff in the back of the GTO I headed out with the keys to grab my bags.

 

I caught part of the conversation that Sam and Dean were having as I moved into my own room passing the window on my right. It was easy enough to stand right inside my own doorway and listen without them knowing.

 

The first words that I heard from the Sam's mouth shocked me.

 

“What is she to you?” He whispered and I heard Dean put the beer bottle down on the table. “I mean, I get that all four of us were together at some point in time, but the way you look at her. Are you sure it's her and I that are together and not the two of you?”

 

Ali and I have a… look, it’s crazy,” Dean said softly, “Neither of us are quite sure what's going on, but we’re working on it. Listen Sam, I'm not the one she wants! I'm not the one that's meant to be with her. So, I know you got questions and I already promised her that I'd try not to screw this up. So, besides that, what do you want to know?”

 

“The scar,” Sam growled, which made me think the fact that he couldn’t remember was making him angry. “Tell me how I got the scar.”

 

Dean took a deep breath and for the first time ever I was able to hear his side of what happened that night. “I think I was out for a smoke when I got jumped by one of the vamps. It was late, I know I looked down the rows and all the lights were off. You came out swinging. I know that from what I saw, you tried to lead him away from her room. However, it grabbed you by the shirt and tossed you right through her window. I’ve never seen anything like it. When I ran into the room you were down on the floor holding your side and she was standing there with a blade, swinging hard at this ugly son of a bitch. I don't think I told her to duck, she just instinctively kind of moved and I took his head off. The first thing she did was reach down and press against your wound.”

 

Dean got up and move from the table. I heard the door to the mini-fridge open and the clank of glass as he grabbed another beer before sitting back down across from his brother and clearing his throat, ready for another round.

 

It took him just a second to get settled before I heard the top pop off the beer bottle and he blew out a breath. “She looked right at you and said _ you got to lay down _ . She didn't flinch, she didn't freak out, she just went into this mode like she just had to get the bleeding to stop. You grabbed her wrist, letting me see the scratches that the vampire had giving her and my heart dropped. The first words out of your mouth to her were:  _ you're bleeding _ .” Dean snickered as he took a swig of the beer and I heard him put the bottle down on the table. “I couldn't believe my eyes. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I heard her right, she just reached out said to you…”

 

“Yeah, how about that?” Sam whispered, but there was almost a smile in his voice and I couldn't listen anymore. It brought back too many memories and I slipped into my room, leaving the door unlocked this time as I headed for the shower.

 

~~~~~~

 

I was laying on the bed, curled up in the pillow when the door opened slowly and I drew the gun from beneath me. I let the slide click back audibly as I flipped off the safety just as the shadow of a man stepped up to the side of the bed.

“Jesus, Ali!” Dean growled, putting his hands in the air as I reached over and clicked on the nightstand light. Rolling my eyes I safetied the gun and set it down slowly as I sat up. Dean moved over to sit down right next to me on the bed. I put my head back down, still not quite awake and felt his fingers brush over my cheek. “Don’t stay in here tonight.”

“Ugh!” I growled and rolled over onto my back, putting my arm across my eyes. “Explain to me how that is going to work?”

“You sleep in our room, pretty simple, Kid,” he smiled at my aggravation.

“And tell me, wise one, who am I sleeping  _ with _ ?” I questioned, but knew that it was the wrong choice of words.

“I thought you might want to wait for him to remember, but you know, if you feel froggy,” he smiled and I looked at him from under my arm, “I’ll just watch.”

“Voyeur!” I snapped and brought my hand down from my head, gripping what I could of his thigh with my fingers and I closed my eyes. “Seriously, Dean.”

“I get it,” he let the pads of his fingers rest on the small exposed part of my stomach as he leaned closer on the bed. “You can stay with me. I swear to you, nothing will happen.” His voice was softly, almost as gentle as the way his fingers caressed my stomach and I had to suppress the noise that wanted to escape as I thought of how Sam’s hand would feel just as good as Deans. I let him go and slipped out from beneath his touch before I turned my head to look at him from across the bed. “I can’t let you be here by yourself, you know that and I can’t leave Sam, not with what we’ve been talking about.”

“What are you talking about?” I questioned, worry filling my chest. 

Dean rubbed his hands together, “we got to talking about Dad.”

And my heart dropped.

“I’m sorry,” I reached for his hand and saw his eyes following my fingers as I rested them on his. “If Sam needs you and you need me there, I’ll come,” I whispered and felt his fingers take mine as he nodded. I grabbed my gun and the spectrum before I stuffed them both in my bag and shut the door. Sam looked up at me as I walked in with Dean following close behind, his hand on the small of my back. I paused in the door and met his gaze “You’re okay with this, right?”

“Yeah,” he stated softly and I watched him suck in on his bottom lip as Dean gave me a little push further into the room. I kept my eyes on Sam for the most part as Dean lead me over to the second bed and gave me a little nudge to lay down before he grabbed the blanket and covered me up. It didn’t take long for me to start to feel the weight of drowsiness once more and I gave in as Dean shut off the light. “G’night, Ali.”

“G’night, Sammy,” I mumbled back, but almost heard a light laugh at my reply before I felt Dean’s lips on my temple and he backed away, letting me fall into the darkness. 


	14. Chapter 14

You’re not a pumpkin, Princess.

 

I woke up two times that night. Once was when the bed moved, the mattress behind me sagged and I felt Dean wrap his arms around my waist to pull me closer, tucking his arm under my pillow. It wasn’t just the movement that had the light sleep I was in faltering, but also the way his thumb moved up and down, gently caressing my stomach over the shirt that made me shake and his movement instantly stopped.

“Sorry,” he breathed into my ear and I shifted back against him, thankful for the warmth and comfort, but it made me wonder just how many times Cas had actually laid with me in my bed doing this. There was no memories of actual sex, but I know that he had stayed the night on numerous occasions, maybe more often than not during the week.

“Hmm,” I replied, trying to find the way to make my words work, “S’okay.”

He laughed, at least his body did, without making a sound. I felt the laugh at my back, the way the muscles in his stomach moved and for just a second my eyes flickered open to see Sam sitting on the bed across from me, taking off his boots. His eyes glanced up from the laces, locked on what little of the blue of mine that he would see and he paused in his efforts to get the knot out before that gaze traveled back to his boots and my lids won the battle, closing me off from the world.

Like I said, there were two times that I woke up that night and the other had me sitting up without any warning. There wasn’t a dream to push me out of, not even a noise in the night, but I found my eyes wide open and my body moving into fight position, which just meant that I pushed up to lean on my left elbow as my eyes lock on the man sitting before me. 

When last I looked he had been sitting on the bed untying his boots, but now he sat on the floor between the beds. He had a tight, white tank on, his bare knee visible between us as he rested his lower arm on it and his eyes were making a slow progression from the way my neck was exposed as my shirt hung loosely on my shoulder, to my bare feet and back.

“You okay, Sam?” I questioned, but instantly looked back at Dean to see if he had moved. His breathing stayed steady and only the fingers on my hip twitched before he settled back down. My sight moved to Sam again and I watched the hunter’s stoic face as I let my weight lower back to my pillow. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I had a dream,” he replied, but his expression never changed. “About you, about this.”

“About our sleeping in this hotel?” I smiled, and watched the corner of his lips move just enough to catch a grin before it faded.

“No,” he paused, “of you and Dean, like that and me on my bed.  It made me wonder. If I’m supposed to be yours, then why do I keep seeing you with my brother.”

“Well,” I rubbed my eyes as I blinked, “the only time we ever slept like this was when we first met. You were in a bed alone because you were knocked on your ass by pain medication and about seventy-two stitches.” 

To watch his eyes change when I brought up little things that only I would know was priceless. You could almost see everything working in those eyes, like he was remembering back to that one time where he probably counted how many there were and I watched his hand reach down to his waist.

“I woke up during the night and saw you two sleeping on the bed,” he rubbed his forehead gently before stretching out his arm again. “I don’t think I have ever seen Dean protective, not like that. Sure, he has this thing about sleeping facing me, usually he’s the one by the door, but to see him like that, with you, it kind of threw me.”

“Yeah, threw you how?” I was beginning to get curious about where this was going. 

“Dean trusted you enough to let you stitch me up, cut off my shirt and basically take care of me. I remember the whole conversation before that, before the meds, when you were ordering him around to grab supplies.” Sam shook his head and shrugged. “There is no way he would have left me here to run down and get something  _ you _ asked him for if he didn’t know I would be safe.”

“Sam, besides the fact that I am all of about five-foot nothing, even you injured, your brother knew you could take me in a heartbeat and not cause any further damage. That’s why he agreed to get the stuff.” I groaned and saw his fist clench.

“Did he watch you like a hawk? While you stitched me up?” I nodded because there was nothing else to say. He didn’t need to know the conversation we had about Cas. “And he helped you with those scratches, didn’t he?”

“Because he didn’t want me passing out on my own before I was able to help you. Where is this going, Sam?” I growled and that grin came up on his lips.

“He trusted you, Ali, I saw it in his eyes. He couldn’t let you go because there were vampires after you, sure, that was the reason at the beginning, but once he puts his trust in you, then you’re in for life. There was no way he was letting you out of his sights.” 

“Yeah, I kinda got that when he told me that I couldn’t leave, that he would follow my ass to Joplin and that’s all there was too it, so you’re point?” I was tired and my eyes were fighting as I watched him put his knee down and come closer until I could feel his breath on my face. He bit down on his bottom lip, just a bit before he reached out and ran his fingers from my forehead to my chin and then settle there. I closed my eyes at the feeling, having needed for it for such a long time, but I breathed in deeply before letting it out with one word. “Sam.”

“I trusted you because Dean did, Ali, that’s why I started,” he admitted, and my eyes opened to focus on him. “I don’t know what you’re looking for here, but,” I heard him swallow before he sighed, “I’m not sure I’m going to be the one that will be able to give it to you. I’ll try, but only because he trusts you. Do you understand?”

“Yeah,” I said dryly and backed away from his fingers, “and if that’s the case, you need to stop touching me.” Sam brought his hand back slowly, like the thought of not reaching out hurt him and I watched his fingers curl into a fist. “Go to sleep, you’re going to have a case to work on in the morning.” 

I didn’t wait for his response, but turned over on the bed, putting my forehead right under Dean’s chin as I pressed up against him as close as I could. I didn’t want to think of Sam behind me as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stow away the emotions that were building. I knew Sam wouldn’t be easy, but to find out the only reason he even reached out in the beginning was that he was taking cues from Dean, that hurt. It didn’t make any sense looking back, especially with how interested he seemed to be when he knocked on the door, but it still hurt.

I listened to Dean let a deep breath out before his hand slid around my hips and up my back, fingers spread wide, as he pressed the palm flat against my back, the muscles in his arms tightened. I heard the sound of the bed behind me shift under Sam’s weight and I let my body relax in the older brother’s hold before sleep took over once again. The problem however was, the dreams didn’t stay away this time.

~~~~~

“You’re wrong!” Sam screamed in my dream and I felt my body jump against Dean trying to reign in the feelings as the darkness inside seemed to take over. “You’re wrong and you know it!”

“You got a better idea?” I growled back and stepped right up to him.

“Yeah, why don’t you take your theories and go home.” He snapped and I know I took a step back. Did I mention that I hated dreaming? But this one, I just didn’t understand. “A succubus, Ali, really? Did you happen to notice that all of our victims were female?”

“Actually, yeah I did.” I answered and sat back on the chair, glanced at Dean, who was standing in the doorway, back against the sill, with his arms crossed and a beer in hand. “But I bet you didn’t notice the pattern.”

“Sometimes, there’s not one.” he snapped in reply and I took in a deep breath.

“Yeah, because never have we ever run into a monster that has NO pattern what so ever.” I flipped over the newspaper, catching the headline,  _ Fifth Victim Found.  _

“Dean!” Sam barked and looked up at the man in the doorway, “a little help here?”

“You’re kidding right? I’m not getting in between a lover’s quarrel.” Dean smiled and winked at me as I looked up at him.

“Not funny!” Sam’s voice had gone deep, but Dean’s words stuck in my head.

“Lover’s quarrel,” I whispered and grabbed my Journal, flipping to the articles that I had saved and both men were suddenly watching me intensely. Scanning over them, I shook my head. I should have known, how could I have missed it. “Crap!”

“What?” Dean stood straight at the door and moved towards the front of the table.

Sam moved to stand behind me, his hand on the back of my chair. Despite the fact that he had just recently been trying to take my head off, I felt his fingers dancing over my shoulder, ever so lightly as his hand came down on the table beside me and he leaned in close enough that I could smell the light aftershave from his morning routine. Dean snickered as I glanced up at him and rolled my eyes. He knew what Sam being so close was doing to me and he was enjoying watching me be tortured. 

“It’s a pattern.” I sighed and shook my head, a movement that had me making contact with Sam’s cheek and I turned to look at him. I watched the edge of his mouth turn up as he continued to look at my notes. Holy Hell, he knew just what he was doing, that son of a bitch! I took a deep breath and decided two could play that game. Adjusting myself in the seat I moved a hand from the table and brought it down on the waist of his jeans, slipping my fingers under his shirt to touch the hot flesh of his back. Sam took a sharp breath in before clearing his throat and I pointed at the papers. “Estranged husband, former boyfriend, all of the women have one and all state the same thing, they had some sort of fight before the victim left for the bar.”

“Okay, so jilted lovers, got it,” Dean whispered, but when I looked up to see if he really did he raised a brow like he didn’t know and I rolled my eyes. He was testing me.

“A succubus uses their powers to create mental instability and sometimes that can come in the form of infidelity, the need to act out as in reckless sexual encounters, living the line…” I sat back and looked between them. “Huh, are you sure you don’t know any? Sounds kind of like you two.”

Sam gave me a hard stare, but Dean just stood and crossed his arms.

“So, you’re saying that it ramps them up, gets them to fight and then send them to a bar?” Dean spoke up and I raised my brows at him.

“Get her moving, get her drunk and take her home?” Sam shrugged and I glanced over his profile. Yeah, not the thing I would have expected him to say. He stood straight, looked at Dean then at me and gave me a wicked grin. “I think I have a plan, but first, we need to get you out of those clothes.”

AND with that, I sat up!

~~~~~

My head was throbbing as I sat at the table, researching through the different downloaded archives and the links that Jones had sent me from the computer database at the shop.

 

Dean walked in and set three coffees down on the table along with whatever pastries he managed to grab  and I set back inside rubbing my hands over my face.

 

“You know, you don't look so good,” Dean stated and I sneered at.

 

“Yeah, you aren't that good looking either, Pal!” And I watch the small smile come across his face.

 

“Where’s Sammy?”

 

“Ah...think he went to the library, said something about looking into the deaths of the other three victims. Okay so maybe he didn't say library, was it police station?” I shook my head. My brain was so foggy that I couldn't keep up with myself and Dean finally got irritated enough to close the journal, close the laptop and take my hand.

 

“You ever get these visions before?” He asked as he brushed my hair back from my face.

 

“No, they just started when I woke up a couple days ago.” I managed to whisper, but even that was starting to make my head throb and I reached for the cup of coffee that he slid in my direction. One that never made it to my lips, but instead I put my head down on the table.

 

“You need to relax,” Dean sighed, as his hand came up and he started massaging my neck. “Go jump in the shower, we can go over this once Sam comes back.”

 

“Yeah, like I'm getting undressed in the vicinity of you at any given point in time.” I laugh joking at him and Dean just smiled.

 

“You know if you keep this up we’re just going to have to start dating.” That made me sit up straight, but I watched the smile fall from his face as my eyes thought of the dream the night before. “Ali, I was kidding.”

 

“No, it wasn't that. I mean, it wasn't what you said. Had to do with dating.” I mumbled as I went through the paperwork on my desk. That was the part of the dream that I had forgotten. The little clue that Dean had given me in my dream, he had also given me in the waking world. “Okay so get this,” and I watched him roll his eyes. “Every man that they spoke to when they interviewed was asked what was the victim's personality. Those people were listed as either an ex-husband, estranged husband and ex-lover, you know, something that had to do with them not being with each other. Or they stated that the victim had been acting strange the last few days until they got into a heated argument where she left and went to a bar.”

 

“Okay, so jilted lovers, ya got that,” and again I looked at him because he had said something along that same lines in my dream. I hope to God this didn't end with Sam telling me he needed to get me out of my clothes. I shook my head and grab my notebook where I had written everything down right after the dream, opened it to the page that I had marked and slid it over to me. He read over the few pages I had written down quickly and his eyes came up to meet mine. “You got all of this from a dream?”

 

“Yeah they're usually pretty detailed. In fact, last night started with Sam and I at each other’s throat.”

 

“Well that's gotta suck!” He mumbled under his breath and I slapped him across the arm. “Listen Kid, your first one about the night hag wasn't completely right, was it? Don't put too much stock in your visions, just write down the information you need and we'll go from there.” I nodded, but gave him this look of uncertainty and he put his hand on mine. “Ali, I'm not going to let anything happen to you and I'm not going to let anything happen to Sam? You gotta believe me when I say I'm going to protect you.”

 

“It's not that, Dean, it's I have all this information and no place to start. Not only that, I got Sam who won't give me the time of day to even explain to him what I know.” My frustration was coming through in my voice and I move the chair back to put space between him and I. I slipped past him and headed towards the bathroom before pausing to glance back at it. “When Sam comes in, try to see if he can narrow down where a bar would be within three miles of a sawmill.”

 

“Three miles of a sawmill? That's pretty specific. I thought you said you didn't get that kind of information from your dreams?”

 

“It was just a thought. I remember the first one, when he was outside, when I couldn't save him, I remember the smell of sawdust in the air.”

 

“You are one strange little Kid.” 

 

I smiled at him as I shook my head and headed into the bathroom where I closed the door and looked at myself in the mirror. Yeah, I looked tired as hell, but I wouldn't trade any of this for anything. I just needed at some point to remind Dean that I was older than him.

 

~~~~~

 

I wasn't in the shower more than a few minutes when it hit me that the hot water that was relaxing my skin was suddenly burning it, like little knives stinging me as they were constantly being thrown and I tried to find the knob to turn it off.

 

Just as my hand touched the cold metal of the hot water a flash sent me reeling backwards. Something inside my head was opening up. It felt like a saw was drilling deep into my skull. I fell back against the wall and waited for the pain to subside, but that was when the curtain was pulled across and I was looking up into the bright blue eyes of the woman with the dark hair. Her ruby red lips smiled at me with evil intent as she crouched down beside the bathtub and folded her fingers together in front of her.

 

“I told you you needed to remember Alison! You're not listening.” Her voice was almost hypnotic and I found myself staring into her angel-like eyes. “Do you need a little help? I can do that for you!”

 

“Who are you? What do you want?” And I wanted to go on, I had more questions, but as soon as the words left my mouth a searing pain went through my head once more and I could almost see myself swinging. Yes, that was it. I was swinging a blade at someone, a demon with black eyes, but that wasn't what was hurting. It was the slices on my skin and each time I swung I could feel a new one digging in. “Stop! Whatever this is make it stop!”

 

“I told you you had to remember Alison, but it looks like you need a little help.” I watched her reach out and suddenly her palm was on my forehead and her fingers were digging into my scalp. The energy she let out send waves of heat that clashed with the pain making me double over with nausea. “Stop fighting it Alison! The more you fight it the worse it'll be!”

 

“Who are you?” I begged, but she only giggled like a little girl, released my head and stood up grinning down at me before she walked away, fading Into the darkness. 

 

As soon as she was completely gone the pain struck once more and this time I could see everything. I watched myself step out of the night. I watched the blade swing at the creatures, cut them down in one slice. There was so much blood, but with it I could feel the power and then I was backed against the wall. The face of the man was one that I didn't remember and I reached out and grasped his face with both my palms digging my nails into his skull. Not only did I push my energy towards him, but I pulled the darkness from him and took it into me.

 

I screamed!

 

~~~~~

 

I swatted off the hands that held me, feeling too large ones cup my face as I struggled in the shower. The water felt like needles, the heat like it was burning my skin off and then there was the quiet shush of a  voice which tempted me to open my eyes, but the pain that I was feeling was too much and the eyes of the man that held me, haunted me.

 

“Ali!” Sam's voice triggered a new scene in my head as I watched him step into the room while I turned, my hands covered in blood, the blade in my right hand dripping with it and suddenly I was in his arms and his kiss was full of fire, but his voice shook me from it. “Ali come on. Come back to me!”

And again I heard his voice, but just a bit in the distance,  _ “Come on, Ali. Baby, come back to me.” _

 

I felt his thumb graze over my cheek and slowly my body decided that it was going to listen to him and I stopped fighting. I stopped fighting and brought my knees to my chest, trying my best to catch my breath. I grasped his wrists with my hands, just trying to hold on to something real and slowly I open my eyes. Sam's worried look wasn't anything new to me, but this one was also filled with something that looked strangely like fear and I watched his gaze travel down me.

 

“Come on, Ali, got to get you out of here,” he said softly, when he decided that I was stable enough to let go and I saw him reach up and grab the towel off the toilet seat.

 

He opened it outward so that he was able to wrap it around me when I lowered my legs and I felt his breath against my cheek as he wrapped his arms around my waist and hoisted me from the tub. I didn't walk to the bed, I was carried and once there he didn't even bother to offer clothes. He's just wrapped me in the comforter, leaving me naked under it. I watched him scurry around looking for odds and ends, but it was when he grabbed the first aid kit that my eyes widen.

 

Sam's sat down by the bed pulling gauze out of the black bag that the medical supplies were in and I watched as he rolled it up and moved a little closer. I swallowed hard as he reached and I believe he saw the nervousness in my eyes, because he hesitated just a bit before his hand came and rested on the edge of the comforter.

 

“I'm just going to take a look, Ali ,I swear,” and slowly he moved the fabric away from my chest only until it hit the coarse fibers of the towel. His eyes lowered from mine to the bare skin below him. I listen to him sigh. “What the hell happened in there? Where did you get these from?”

 

When I look down to see where his fingers reached out to I noticed the light red marks of scratches and I drew in a deep breath. I remembered them, the way that they were angled across my skin and I put my head back on a pillow closing my eyes.

 

“When we met in April I was attacked by vampires behind a gas station restroom,” and slowly his fingers came to rest stopping their inspection but right above my heart. “The vampire that I fought was able to get in some nasty little cuts and these look exactly like them.”

 

“Where was Dean? Where was I? I thought we were protecting you?” He rattled off questions, but I could tell that knowing I had gotten hurt under his watch bothered him and he changed the topic. “What happened just now, in the bathroom?” His voice went soft and I wasn't sure if he was using it to keep me calm or if this truly was how he questioned the people that he needed answers from. I open my eyes and locked on his letting the feel of the blue-green orbs dive deep into my soul. Oh how I missed him! “Ali tell me what happened!”

 

“The other night when we, when Dean and I, took on the night hag in Upland, I saw somebody.”

 

“Saw somebody who?”

 

“I don't know who she is, Sam, I wish I did! It would make it so much easier to explain this, because I know I've seen her before, a long time ago. I could describe her to you all day, but as to who or what she really is, I have no idea.” Sam sat back, his finger sliding down as he moved and he rested the pads of them on the swell of my breast. It was an unconscious move, something that definitely made my heart race. His need to touch, our need for contact at least, was still there even if his memories weren't. “She told me I needed to remember. That first night at the hunt, she said it was important that I remember and now in the shower, she said that she was giving me a little help, but when she touched me all I felt was pain.”

 

“Remember what?” Sam’s eyes came to mine again and I shrugged. “Well there has to be something buried deep in your head that you need to know. Dean says you only remember April, but that there was something that happened in June. Ali maybe you need to know what happened then. Is there anything that you can tell me about it?”

 

“According to them, I had a psychotic break in June and ended up in the hospital going on about the fact that I was in somewhere Virginia fighting a hybrid.”

 

“A hybrid what?” Sam smiled, but it wasn't a mocking one just a small grin.

 

“A angel/demon/human hybrid!” I growled annoyed and placed my hand on his, squeezing his fingers just a little as they rested on my breast. Sam looked at this gesture, his eyes wide as he realized where his hand had been resting and I watched the red color rise up in his cheeks. “Sam, something happened that week, something that I know now has to be true. I can't be just pulling these memories out of nowhere and she wants me to remember, but to what end?”

 

“To the end where we get the answers to the questions we asking ourselves.” Sam replied, but I watched his eyes fill with confusion as they moved from my own down to the skin that was exposed from the blanket. “What the hell?”

 

“What?” I snapped and watched as he moved a little closer and he slipped his hand from mine so that he could run it along my skin. 

 

It was extremely sensitive and just his light touch alone was sending goose bumps along my flesh and heat to my stomach. I stifled a moan, but even the smallest bit of noise seem to catch his attention, especially being that close and I watched him shift uncomfortably. His fingers continued to move along my shoulders, down my collarbone and along the skin in between. I wanted to beg him to stop, because all he was doing was making the need worse and I knew that nothing was going to happen between us.

 

“Ali they're gone,” he said softly and I looked at him and confusion. “All the cuts are gone!”

 

That was when the door opened and Dean walked in just in time to see Sam leaning over me touching bare skin as I lay beneath a blanket.

 

The two of us looked at him as he smiled and put the grocery bag on the table.

 

“So, what’s… ah going on here?” he said with a grin as he crossed his arms, looking between the two of us. Sam sighed and backed away, taking the warmth of his touch from me as the two of us glanced at each other and then back at the older brother in the room.

 

~~~~~

 

Okay, so explaining to Dean exactly what he walked in on was not the best thing in the world to deal with, especially right after a traumatic experience with a freakin monster that you really had no clue as to what the hell it was. But, it went over easy enough. I mean, not without a few giggles here and there and soon the three of us were back to exactly the way we were before, doing absolutely nothing about absolutely nothing.

 

Sam finally decided that he was going to listen to me about a couple things, mostly about the succubus that I had been dreaming about, but one little line he came out with, made me think back to the dream and for just a second I was dreading what came next.

 

So, he didn't tell me that I was wrong, but he didn't exactly tell me that I was right either. What I got from him was his usual response to anything that you happen to say to him. Him looking at you cross-eyed and funny, as if you had no clue as to what the hell you were doing and he was the computer geek that knew it all. He found out shortly though, that he wasn't the only computer geek in the room.

 

After listening to everything that I told him about the succubus, the dream and the articles that I had looked up, he tapped his fingers on the table and shook his head and I swore for at least a second that the words  _ we need to get you out of those clothes _ were about to leave his mouth, but Dean had been on his toes and had actually asked Sam about the sawmills in any bars in the vicinity.

 

“So this is what I got,” Sam stated as he grabbed the computer from me and turned it so that he could look at the laptop screen. He pulled up a file of the things that he had been investigating and when he was ready, he turned it so the three of us could actually look. Dean stood behind me his arm around my neck as he placed his chin on my head and the three of us stared at the screen. Loaded on there was a Google map of bars in the area and in the middle was a small place called Marlowe's. “Alright, this is the closest place we got and according to the different articles, the addresses of the victims and any recent demonic activity in the area which, by the way, there isn't any, Marlowe’s is where we come up with so I think we should stake that out tonight. That is if her succubus theory is correct.”

 

“Okay, well here's my view on the plan. This isn’t going to work if the two of you are going to be sitting there looking for it. There's gotta be something else going on. I mean, they targeted these people for a specific reason. So, either you two gotta fight, or Sam and I've got to fight, or Dean and I have got to fight, but either way it's the sexual tension that grabs it.”

“Yeah liked there isn’t enough sexual tension in this room to power a whole town,” Dean cracked as he moved away, but not before kissing me on the head and I rolled my eyes. I happened to glance at Sam, who I caught looking at me before his eyes flickered away and he looked down.

“I have to go to the store!” I stated quickly and stood up, grabbing my sneakers off the floor as I moved to the bed to lace them.

“What?” Dean snapped and turned from the fridge.

“Ah, no!” Sam replied with the same protectiveness I had always heard in his voice. I looked between the two of them and smiled. 

“Okay,” I laughed, “I’m pretty sure that you both are smart enough to know  _ sexual tension _ isn’t really caused by jeans and an old t-shirt. So, I need some new clothes, hence, I need to go to the store, so, i’ll be back.”

I snatched the keys from the bed and stood to walk past Sam, but he caught my arm gently and licked his lips as I looked down at him. 

With a little smile, he said those dreaded words to me. “You can’t!”

“To hell I can!!!” I growled and shook my head. “Let me go or come with, there is no in between.”

“Why don’t you just let us know what you need.” Dean spoke up and I shook my head.

“I’m not a kid and I won’t be treated like one. So, in or out, pick one, because I’m sorry,” I snatched my arm from Sam and slipped my wallet in my backpocket. “I don’t negotiate with Winchesters!”

As Sam’s chest rose in defeat and Dean stood with a newly open beer in hand I watched the two of them use that non-verbal communication before both looked at me and gave me a little shake of their heads. Raising an eyebrow, I gave a little grin and booked it out the door to the GTO.

Oh this was going to be a fun night.   
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Sammy and the Succubus 

I could see them from where I was on the dance floor, swaying my hips to the music, letting it fill me with nothing but the beat for the first time in a very long time, and I felt alive, I mean, really like it was just me and the music, until  _ he _ turned around. 

Dean was already facing me, his eyes hadn’t moved from my location since the moment I sauntered over and started shaking my ass, and that was three songs ago, but Sam had kept himself occupied by scoping out the bar, looking for the right kind of person that he knew was in here somewhere, the right kind of monster. That was until he looked my way.

_ You Can Leave Your Hat On _ by Joe Cocker was playing, it wasn’t much of a start, kind of jazzy, not very fast pace but words just went right along with the way I was feeling and I knew somewhere in here, in this crowded, dark and almost sex filled room was the thing we were searching for. Talking about removing clothes, yeah that was kind of what I pictured right then, Sam completely naked except maybe some stupid cowboy hat! Damn, was that ever sexy, but the way he was looking at me now was hot.

Dean had just a little bit of a grin on his face, as he put his elbows back on the bar, beer between his fingers and his eyes darted from me to Sam and back before he took a swig of it, still grinning like the little devil he was. Sam though… Sam was standing there with wide eyes, lips parted and I watched as he followed my movements. 

Yeah, sexually charged wasn’t even the words that began to cover how I was feeling and it certainly wasn’t about to touch the vibe that was coming off from the man at the bar.  I watched his lips close, his jaw clench and he quickly turned away. His hands went to the counter, I watched his fingers curl up as he tried to control something just under the surface. Dean tilted his head back, mouthed something like “you okay” to him but smirked at the answer as his eyes came back to rest on me.

Damn, if this wasn’t mission accomplished because if Sam was feeling in anyway turned on, that monster should be just about ready to strike. Let me tell you what had Sam all up in arms. I had never worn anything like I had on at the moment, thigh-high boots with heels, a tight, black, leather skirt that came to about a half inch below my ass, leaving not too much left for the imagination, but I was pretty sure the strapless halter top, you know the one that came down just before my waist, exposing about two inches of skin between it and the skirt was what did it, because you could almost see every tattoo I had at that point.

Dean licked his lips, winked and scanned over the rest of the dance floor just long enough to see if he couldn’t find the killer before his eyes were once again locked on mine. This was his protection, the “no way in hell am I letting you out of my sight” kind of way that he was watching over me and I was good with that, as long as he didn’t stop me from doing what I needed to.

The song was just about done, and I needed a drink, preferably something strong and possibly whipped but as I moved up to the bar, Dean tapped Sam on the arm, catching the younger Winchester’s attention, which got me a sideways look as I approached and I moved up to stand between Dean’s open legs, reaching over the top of his right shoulder with my right arm as I lay my hand down on Sam’s back, feeling his muscles tighten under my touch. 

Yeah, I was playing up the slut side of this deal, but hell, with these two on my arm, I had every right to play.  Dean’s left hand came down and he curled his fingers around my hips as I leaned over his leg, grabbing the drink the girl behind the bar handed me and when I stood straight, I was able to stand eye to eye with him as he shook his head, my hand never leaving Sam, in fact I ventured to move it lower and let it curve over his ass before bringing it back up to tap against the gun that was tucked into his jeans.

“You having fun out there?” Dean grinned as he looked over the crowd, taking those green eyes from mine and I shrugged, leaned in close to his ear as the music started up again.

“You can’t attract a succubus by being a barfly, Dean,” I teased and stepped around his legs, closer to Sam and he switched hands, moving his beer to the one that was on my waist and replacing it on the opposite side, still creating that air of desire, when in fact, it was just him being him. He remembered the touch, the need for contact, and this was him being protective. I scooted between them, almost sitting on that leg I had been leaning over, and he was very much okay with it.  I rubbed against Sam’s arm, letting him feel the bare skin of my stomach as I reached over and stole some of the peanuts in front of him, listening to him take a deep breath in. “Relax, Sam, it’s almost over. You can feel it in the air.”

I watched him look up at the televisions over the bar and bite down on the tightness of his own lips before he let out a breath, trying so very hard not to even look at me. He parted his lips, probably the sexiest thing I had seen all night and let out the breath very slow before his eyes moved down to mine.  His fingers stretched out, as if they had been cramped up for too long and I placed my drink down just at the edge of them. His gaze quickly flickered to my hand, took in the way that I moved it to let the small pads of my fingers trace down over his.  

“Ali,” he whispered, and there was a warning there, deep in his voice, that I was pushing the envelope. He didn’t trust me, didn’t remember me but he knew there was some sort of attraction there. I wasn’t going to push it with him. I wanted to make him remember on his own, but dammit, it was hard not to touch him at least a little bit.  I wanted his kiss so badly but that was still a long ways off. Those hard blue-green eyes locked on mine, and I gave him a little bit of a grin. “Don’t.”

“You used to be so much more fun,” I teased, letting my body rest against Dean as the older brother’s arm slipped further around me and he really did pull me onto his thigh.  

Sam turned his body, leaning his left side against the bar as he reached out and moved my hair from my face, more for dramatic effect before he leaned down close, almost resting his forehead on Dean’s shoulder to get his lips as close to my ear as he could.  

“I don’t think you could handle my idea of fun,” he said softly but Dean heard it, and the man who held me gasped, trying not to choke on his beer, but I reached up, placed my hand on Sam’s neck and pressed against his face with my cheek, feeling the stubble of a couple days without shaving. It was harsh and itchy and very much what I wanted before I breathed out a sigh against him.

“I don’t know, Sammy,” I whispered as the music started once again, “I think riding you sounds like something I would love to do.”

And with that I left them both there in shock as I made my way out to the dance floor again, glancing back at them from over my shoulder. Dean’s brows were raised and the “hell yes” smirk on my face told me everything I needed to know about his thought process but it was Sam’s furrowed brow, the one that told me I had struck a chord, that I had gotten under that hard-ass exterior and was locked in tight that had me grinning.

I didn’t even catch the name of the song that was playing, didn’t care because I was feeling it. It was sexy, something you could sway to and I closed my eyes, knowing that the boys at the bar had my back and for that moment, I breathed the music. 

Thoughts of sex and violence filled my vision, every act out there known to man flowed through my mind and I was doing it on purpose. I knew the succubus could feel the energy, smell the pheromones, it was the reason I had been so touchy with the boys. They fueled it and allowed my mind to go to a place that I would never take my reality to, thoughts of what the demon had told me months ago, me and Dean and Sam all curled up and entangled in each other.

That was when I felt the hands on my waist, the ones that traveled down to cup my hips and I let my body lean back against the solid one behind me. I could smell him, and he didn’t even have to say a word. 

He was woods and wind, as if his clothes were dried outside on a hot summer day. He was the fresh air around a river, the light scent of some gentle cologne and I could smell the tinge of his aftershave, for the small parts that he had done that morning, just under his chin and neck. This was all Sam and he was intoxicating. 

His head came down, his lips lowered to my ear as I felt him breath against me, hot against my shoulder and I could feel the hard edge of him pressing into my back. I let myself enjoy the feel of him so close, but I hadn’t intended on let the little moan escape my lips, in fact it wasn’t until his fingers clenched against my skirt that I had even realized I had done it, and images of him hiking it up right then and there cascaded over me. 

_ Later _ , I told myself,  _ this was so happening later! _

He growled at me, literally growled in my ear as I pushed back against him again, this time with the sway of the music and one hand released my hip, came across my stomach, and I felt him hold me there, letting the feel of me create the heat and friction through the jeans he wore.

“You gotta stop,” he whispered, full of lust and need and, oh my, God  _ I _ needed to stop. He  _ needed  _ to let me go!

“Sam,” I moaned softly putting my head back against him and suddenly his lips were against my neck, down near the slope of it, and I gasped at the feeling of it, which made him move faster than I had ever seen. Suddenly, he was gone, not near me, not over at the bar and Dean was staring at me confused. I stopped moving on the floor, just stood there and looked at Dean as I caught my breath and that was when a movement caught me out of the corner of my eye.

I moved off the floor, Dean right behind me in the wave of people and suddenly the two of us were standing outside in the darkness.

“Which way did he go?”  Dean snapped and I looked up at him. 

“I’m sorry but how the hell do you lose a six-foot plus man, Dean? I could barely see over the people!” I growled back but that was when I felt it, the pull on my emotions, like the anger that I suddenly felt towards Dean was sexually driven.

God, I hated succubi!

I turned towards my right, following the feeling around the building, and watched as Sam had some girl pressed up against the building. He wasn’t strangling her, he was kissing her, and I mean tongue and all. Her legs were up around his hips as he held her against the building and that was when I noticed something completely odd and damn near traumatic.

“It can shift!” I whispered and looked up to Dean, who was staring over at the couple in shock.  “Dean! It looks just like me!”

Okay, now there was something wrong with seeing Sam kissing another girl, and I could write it off that he  _ didn’t  _ remember me, so there was that, but then again I was almost more pissed off that the person he was kissing looked like me.  I pulled the spectrum from the sheath that was tucked inside my boot and started at them but Dean, grabbed my arm and pulled me back around the side of the building. 

“What the hell, Dean?” I raged and felt his hands on my shoulders as he held me trapped against the wall. 

“It’s not going to do anything,” he whispered, pressing in closer as he peeked around the corner, and I heard a girl moan, which got me to roll my eyes and I slapped him. “Ow!” He growled as he looked back at me. “The lore says an obsidian blade, Ali, not a spectrum, no matter what kind of juice Jones put in it.”

“Tell me he’s not screwing her against the wall!” I snarled and watched the smile that crossed his face.

“Jealous much?” He joked but he knew what I meant and he shook his head. “No, still clothed. Sammy isn’t that kind of guy, not a back-alley kind of lay.”

“You know what, screw it, I just wanna gouge her eyes out, I’m sure the spectrum will work perfectly for that!” I went to move away from the wall, and was roughly pushed back by his hands, as the breath rushed from my lungs just a little. “Are you done? Cause, I’m kind of over being manhandled!”

“Do you ever shut up?” He snapped and licked his lips, looking down at me. He wasn’t angry, wasn’t lustful but something in those eyes was telling me that I needed to stop pushing this issue. 

“Stop being a freaking peeping Tom and stop your brother before he does something stupid, like get himself killed!” I answered and felt his hands move down to take my wrists, the look in his eyes was pleading and I shook my head. “Yeah, I’ll freaking stay here, just do something!”

He kissed me quick on the forehead and released me before he went around the corner.

“Sammy!” He yelled, as if he didn’t see him and finally I heard his boots stop. “Dude, what the hell, why did you rush out.”

“Not a good time, Dean.” Sam’s voice was deep and I could almost hear the sex dripping from it but that growl under it also told me something else, he was angry.  

“Okay, so I get that, but that’s not Ali,” Dean stated completely serious and I listened… listened to the silence as the moments wore on before I heard the scuffle of boots and heels and then there was the sound of breath leaving lungs, the noise of a body hitting the wall and suddenly a blur of black flew past. 

Son of a bitch! It was not getting away! 

I ran after the little skank, followed her through the parking lot, nearly tripping over my own shoes but before she hit the woods, I sent the spectrum flying. It caught the monster across the back, lodging in the upper shoulder, just above the blade, and she turned her sights on me quickly as she whipped around. 

Red, glowing, beady eyes stared at me as she hissed and grabbed the knife with her bare hands, clenching whatever part she could wrap them around and suddenly she yanked it from her back. Her teeth were full of razor-sharp fangs and her fingers turned into claw, at least that’s what it looked like before she flung the spectrum back at me.

I ducked just before it hit home, missing my shoulder by just enough to keep me alive but I felt the blade rip through my skin. The breath I let out was filled with pain, but I watched with curiosity as the succubus changed, and suddenly there was a tall blonde man wearing the same outfit I was. What was more disturbing was that I think I knew him from somewhere. Dean got one shot off, firing as close to me as he could before he came to a complete stop at my side, but the man in woman’s clothing had disappeared into the forest. Sam stepped up beside me just a few seconds behind Dean and I glanced between the two of them. 

~~~~~

Angry as hell for losing the monster, angrier more for stumbling on Sam kissing it, I turned, grabbed the blade from the ground and pressed my hand against my arm. After stowing the spectrum in its safe little hiding spot, I made my way slowly back towards the Impala where I leaned on the trunk, and waited, pressure still on the bleeding wound and I rubbed my brow with my lower arm, flexing the cut, which was probably a bad idea.

Sam stopped and looked me over as Dean pulled the bandana from his back pocket and handed it to his brother.  Sam moved my hand away, rather roughly and wrapped the cloth around the wound.

“We’re going to need to stitch it,” Sam grumbled and I glanced at Dean, who kind of just put his hands up and walked away, before I turned my attention up to the man beside me, the one with the unruly hair and ruffled shirt, the one who looked almost sexed up and I shook my head. “It was stupid to go after it, Ali.”

“Oh, yeah, and it was an even more brilliant idea to make out with it, Sam!” I snapped and watched as he shook his head a little.

“I knew it wasn’t you,” he said softly. 

“Yeah, what gave it away? When you had your hand up its skirt?” I went to move past him but he put his hand up in front of me, bracing himself against the car, which pretty much stopped my chances of getting into the backseat, since he was locking it shut with his weight. “Move!”

“No,” he spoke softly but I didn’t look at him, just stared ahead as he leaned in closer. “I knew it wasn’t you, Ali, whether you believe it or not but I had to do something.”

“Oh, yeah because sticking your tongue down its throat is really the best way to gank a monster!” as much as it sounded like I was snapping at him, I kept my tone as even as possible, crossed my arm over my chest and kept my eyes straight ahead, because looking at him right now would get him one of two things, either slapped or kissed and I didn’t want to do either. 

“You don’t get it,” his breath was against my ear, his lips just a kiss away and I licked my lips, trying to stay calm. “You don’t know what you do to me, and I don’t want to hurt you, Ali, so yeah, I knew it wasn’t you, but I knew it could take whatever I dished out.”

“You think you’re going to hurt me?” I smiled and shook my head. Repeat! I swear we were on a freaking repeat cycle of my life… again, and this time I did look at him. “You know what, that’s fine, you keep right on thinking that, because I’m done telling you that you’re not, nor have you ever, but both you two, both you Winchesters have the same issue.  It’s find out for yourself and screw everyone else, so you go right ahead, Sammy, and you believe that you  _ might _ hurt me.” I grabbed his wrist and yanked his hand from the door, shouldering him away from me as I stared at him. “Just wait until you find out that in the end, it was me who hurt you!”

I slipped into the car, focused on the back of the seat in front of me and slammed the door shut. Sam stood outside for a moment more as Dean glanced back, trying to catch my attention, but I just kept staring, until the younger Winchester slid into the seat and closed the door.  Dean revved the engine and took off towards the motel.

He needed to patch me up or at least that was what Dean was mumbling and though my eyes were set on the way the streetlights passed by, I could see the way he continued to glance back every so often. I even caught Sam’s eyes trying to lock on mine in the sideview mirror. It was going to be a long night.

~~~~~

There was one good thing about a halter top, no sleeves, which meant no need to strip down to take it off so Sam could work his magic with the needle, but that had to wait until I was out of the boots and skirt and into some sweats. Dean, still worried that maybe having the blade lodged in the blood of the succubus before it scratched me would have some after effects, was standing outside the bathroom door, which I kept cracked just to keep the older one sane.

I pulled open the door, looked at him as he leaned on the sink, his head down and his arms crossed as he lounged and for a second I just stared at him before he glanced up at the empty room. Letting out a breath, I went to walk by him but Dean took my hand and turned me. I gave into the tug that he used to pull me back towards him and just let him wrap his arms around me.

Placing both hands on his chest, I pressed my cheek against him, listening to the sound of his heart as he rested his chin on my forehead.

“You realize he doesn’t remember,” he whispered, as if the fact that we were the only two there had slipped his mind, like someone else was going to hear.

“I know,” I mumbled.

“Then really, Ali, how pissed can you be if he’s kissing anyone?” And he was right, even though I wanted to kick him for it.  “Listen, I know Sam, like the back of my hand. He wasn’t lying when he said he knew it wasn’t you, but I… I’ve never seen anyone affect him the way you do, and for him, that has got to be hard. He doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

“And, here we go!” I pushed at him enough that he finally gave in and released me, but I only put an arm’s length between us. “I don’t want to hear about how he doesn’t want to hurt me, that he thinks he might, because I get it, I get that’s how he feels but if you remember anything about the two of us, you know it never came to that.”

“And that was before,” he added, I nodded, rubbing my cheek. He was right, that was before all of  _ this, _ all of the time they thought they spent hunting, forgetting all that we had been through. “Listen, I know you think that giving us back our memories of you is just going to fix everything, but it isn’t, there’s no way to fix the last few months, and after Dad,” he paused as he stared at me. Yeah, he knew that something was up with, and I knew he was confused about it but he wouldn’t open up and tell me how pissed he was yet because that was just Dean’s way. He licked his lips and took a mental step back, “after Dad died, Sam wasn’t the same, not the way you remember him. 

“Dad’s death was brutal, and it was ugly and it scarred Sam worse than anyone else we have ever lost. I know… I know you wouldn’t expect it to, because you know the past between them , but Ali, pissed off or not at him, how do you think he took it? We were there, we watched the whole thing go down, and that changes people.” I backed away as he pushed off from the counter, trying to close the space between us, but I wouldn’t let him. I didn’t want his touch, I didn’t deserve it, and I saw his hands clench into fists.  “That kind of thing, what it did to Sam, maybe that is why he doesn’t want to chance it with you, because he really could hurt you.”

“You know what,” I sighed and gave him a little grin, one that told him that I was done. “I’m, ah, I’m just gonna go out for a little bit. The bleeding stopped for the most part.” I turned away from him, slipped on my sneakers and grabbed the keys to the GTO, before I glanced back at him. “I’m sorry for what I did, I’ve been sorry since the moment I remembered it, and I’m sorry for dragging the two of you back into this life… my life. Maybe it would be better if Sam didn’t remember me, I mean any of me.”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Dean stated through clenched teeth as I put my hand on the door, but I stayed silent for a moment before I blinked back the tears.

“Actually,” I smirked, just a stupid, reaction smirk as if I was throwing everything out the window, “it is.”

And with that, I was out the door.

~~~~~

I sat on the hood of the GTO, parked in an empty lot by a local playground, sipping from the small bottle of vodka that I had managed to save from somewhere, or maybe it was just something that Jones had stashed in the trunk. I wasn’t really sure. The only thing I really knew was that I had screwed up and there was going to be hell to pay for it.

Cas was right, I should have just left them well enough alone, I should have never come back to them. Sam was screwed up, Dean was… I don’t even know what Dean was because beside womanizing and boozing, the boy seemed to be doing alright, but I was terrified to see what had happened to Danni.

I let my head fall back, stared up at the stars that managed to poke through the black blanket of sky and sighed.

“You were right, Cas,” I whispered out loud, and took another sip, “you were right.”

“Now what is a beautiful thing like you doing out here all alone?” A gentle male voice interrupted my pity party and I sat up straight to see a young man walking out of the darkness. He was handsome, soft brown hair, bright hazel eyes, and a smile that would light up your world if you wanted it to. He was tall, broad shouldered and the way his button-down shirt fit, he looked pretty muscular, even the way his jeans fit was perfect. “You know it’s dangerous out here at night... freaks and all.”

“Mister, I am the freak.” I replied and shook my head, but he stopped a few feet away from me and sized me up.

“You’re bleeding,” he gestured to my arm.

“Yeah,” I laughed, feeling the booze haze kicking in, “how about that.  It’s just a scratch, it will stop.”

“Here,” he offered, stepping up to the car, “let me take a look at it.”

His hands as they touched me were soft and the tingle they sent up my arm as something I should have questioned, but didn’t as he untied the bandana. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he pulled a clean one out of his back pocket and used Deans to wipe off the blood so that he could get a better look, but as his thumb caressed, I could feel the heat growing between my legs.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” I growled, wanting to snatch my arm away but I couldn’t pull from his grip, couldn’t make him stop as he leaned down, laying a gentle kiss on my arm.  Shit, I needed to move, but I was literally stuck to my car.

“Don’t worry, sweetness, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to,” he whispered and he shifted his body so that he stood between my knees, his lips trailing up my shoulder to my neck and I couldn’t help but close my eyes. “I watched you on the dance floor tonight,” his voice was low and seductive as my hands came up to grasp his hair, and his mouth lay a trail of fire across my cheek. “You don’t know how bad I wanted you, even sent my girl in to get you away from your men, two at once. My, I am impressed.”

“Stop,” I whispered, but as his lips caressed, I realized that I didn’t really mean it, or I thought I didn’t mean it. Crap, what was he doing to me. One of his hands came down and slipped around to the small of my back, pulling me closer to the way his hips leaned into me, while the other tangled in my hair. I closed my eyes, wanting to fight but finding it hard, so I concentrated on one little word, one face in the darkness. “Sam.”

“Would it be easier if I looked like him?” The voice by my ear changed as I heard the sound of the man I was still deeply in love with, and suddenly his locks of hair were falling against me, the curve of his hips were familiar and my legs moved to accommodate him. “You’re so very wild, and strong. The power in you is intoxicating, and if I have to be him for the rest of my life to have you, I will.”

I felt his lips on mine, the soft caress of them brushing across my mouth and suddenly the spell was broken. This was not Sam’s kiss, not his claiming, possessive, bruising way of taking me and my body knew it. I pushed at him, pulled my head back but his hand kept me trapped there as his body pinned me to the car. 

I cried out against him, my fists coming down on his shoulders as I punched with everything that I had in me, making the wound on my arm that much worse as I felt the pain of it tearing more. That was how it tracked me here, my blood, my scent was in the air at the bar, and now, here I was stupid enough to drive off alone, stupid enough to think that I could do this alone.

The mocking laugh that came from the monster’s throat wasn’t Sam’s, in fact that body that was holding me wasn’t his any longer either and I knew I had to move. Turning my head away from him, I tried to scream out, but a hand came up and clamped down over my mouth. I struggled to breathe as the darkness crept up, because he was now cutting off the airway through my nose.

I blinked trying to focus, but I was losing that too as my muscles began to fail due to the lack of oxygen. My hands came to rest on his shoulders, just as his lips descended on my neck and I almost felt the prick of the teeth hidden behind the perfect set he had smiled at me with.  That was just before the weight was stripped away, before the air rushed back into my lungs and I found myself lying on the hood of the car, staring at the monster’s shocked face.

Sam stood behind him, anger racing through his eyes as he held the creature tightly on one shoulder, his knuckles almost white with the grip he held, but it was the sneer on Sam’s lips that got me. I knew why the monster was surprised, as its eyes began to glow a bright red, just before it started to fade. Sam pressed closer behind, his arm digging in deeper and he put his lips close to the monster’s ear.

“That’s for touching  _ my _ girl!” His voice was terrifying, full of anger, possession and hate, but all I could do was catch his darkened eyes before he ripped the obsidian blade back and the creature crumble to the ground, a lifeless corpse.

Sam stood there, breathing deeply, his chest heaving, but they were even, unwavering which spoke out that this was just another day at the beach for him, and that wild hair fell into his eyes as he locked me down in a stare that told me everything. 

At some point, Sam had remembered.


	16. Dh Remembrance - 16

Chapter 16

Sammy and the Memories

I sat on the bed in the motel, staring into nothingness, trying not to think back on the events that had just unfolded. Dean was standing outside the door to the room, I could smell the light burn of his American Spirits and knew just what he was doing, giving Sam and I time.

The younger Winchester had moved me from the car to the room by the elbow, as if I were about five years old and needed to be scolded but it was when he gave me a not so gentle nudge onto the bed and took off to the bathroom, that Dean had come over, kissed me on the forehead, (his way of telling me he would be right outside, just yell) and left.  

I could see Sam step out of the bathroom through my peripheral, but I didn’t move my head, and I only blinked when he crouched down in front of me. With a sigh, a straight face and some heavy uncertainty in his darkened eyes, he reached up, hesitated, and then pushed my hair back from my neck. His lips did this, part-sigh-tighten thing and suddenly he was frowning. 

I kept my eyes locked on his face, onto those blue-green orbs, and shivered as he licked his lip, brought the towel up and wiped along the row of what looked like little pinpricks, which were actually the teeth marks of the succubus.

That cloth came across them twice before they started to feel irritated and I swiped at his hand, literally slapping it away. Sam’s gave his head a little tilt as if to ask if I was really going to be that defiant, so he reached out with the cloth again. This time, I wasn’t so gentle, but when I swung towards him, his free hand grabbed my wrist.

“Stop,” he said softly, but with warning and I clenched my teeth.

“Don’t do that again,” I snapped and felt his fingers slowly relax on my arm, “it stings.”

“It’s just water, Ali,” he whispered, softening his voice, but either the pain or the anger in my eyes had him lower the cloth, and give me just that look.  I narrowed my eyes at him and he let me go.  “I need to know how deep he got you.”

“Deep enough, Sam,” I growled and leaned away from him, “what the hell were you doing out there anyway?”

“Following you,” he admitted openly. 

I snickered, the smile crossing my lips, before I took a deep breath. “You were following me? Right!”

“Why did you walk out on Dean?” He questioned, his tone, demanding.

“What do you care, Sam? You don’t remember me, and yeah I “do” stuff to you, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to follow me!” I inched closer to him, minimizing the space between us as he clenched the comforter by my thighs. “And, for the love God, don’t even think of using that as an excuse to wipe away sucking face with a succubus!”

“Why does that bother you so much?” He snarked and I watched the devilish grin cross his lips. “You have been on that since the jump, and since you’re asking the question, I’ll ask it back, why do you care?”

“You don’t get it, Sam,” I snapped and stared into his eyes as I felt the fire grow inside me. I wanted to look away, wanted to be any place but right there, but I couldn’t pull away from him, I wanted those hands to not be at my thighs, I wanted them to be on them, spreading them, touching that heat. I wanted him against me and I wanted his kiss. 

As if he were reading my mind, suddenly his hand was on my cheek, his lips were pressed harshly against mine, like he had meant to do it to shut me up but now… now it was too much. 

I brought my hands up to the back of his neck as his lips softened, and his kiss became more of a test, closing lightly on mine, capturing my lips between his as I pulled him closer. Yes, this was what I wanted, to feel him, and suddenly those little closed-lipped kisses because full-blown and possessive as his tongue invaded, and I couldn’t help but moan into it.

As much as I pushed at him to deepen the kiss, he was pushing back, and his arm circled my waist moving me further up the bed as his lips bruised on mine.  This is what I waited for, this was the kiss I had been searching for, the total loss of control was given to the man who held me and I would ever only  give up to him, and as his body pressed down against mine, he broke free to catch his breath, but only his lips left mine as I held my eyes closed and felt his skin against me.

“Why did you come?” I needed to know, even as he dragged his lips across again, drawing out a breath.

“I remembered you,” he said softly.  “I remembered your touch, the way you smell, the feel of your skin, your body,” he whispered, his voice deep, seductive and my feet slid between his legs, wanting to lock him against me.  “It had you against the car, and it was touching you,” the low growl with those words sent shivers down my spine, enough to make me arch my back towards his warmth. “I knew then, I knew without a doubt that what I had been seeing all night was true, you belonged to me, and he was touching you!”

Those last words were dangerous, full of possession and need and I was the one that initiated the kiss this time, trying to bring that monster down. His arms slipped behind my shoulders, blocking me from moving, but there was no threat of violence, no need to be afraid as I heard his nails against the material.

He groaned into me, his hips pressing against the heat and his lips parted once again to deepen the kiss, but the bang of a fist against the wall had him pulling away just as quickly as he could, the gun aimed and ready at the smirking man who stood there with his arms crossed.

“As beautiful as this is, we gotta get going,” Dean smirked and raised an eyebrow. Sam took in a deep breath, flipped the safety on the gun and let it out as he backed away, but Dean’s eyes stayed locked on mine as he closed the door. “Body plus us in the same town, not a good thing, Ali.”  I sat up on the bed, moved my feet over the side and turned my head, watching Sam methodically pack away his stuff, as if what we were doing didn’t happen. Dean sat across from me, moistened his lips and raised a brow. “We have to ditch the GTO.”

“Do you like your balls where they are?” I replied, my return was quick and full of pent up energy, because yeah, the guy did just interrupt.

“Gonna threaten me with Jones again?” And he was serious, “we’re stashing the Charger too, we can’t have three of us running around in separate cars if we’re going to finish your little mission.”

“Exactly where are we stashing things?” This question made him grin, but he only stood up and moved to collect his own things. Glad that I hadn’t unpacked and gotten settled, I sat back against the headboard, bought my knee up to my chest and watched Sam.

He remembered me, sure, but the look in his eyes told me that he didn’t “feel” anything about those memories, not like Dean did. Don’t get me wrong, those kisses were perfectly Sam, but there was something missing. I cleared my throat, got up and snatched my bag off the floor, the first-in bag, which was the only one in the room before I headed for the door.

Dean caught my wrist as I walked by and I stopped before I turned towards him, glancing at Sam, whose eyes automatically went to his brother’s point of contact, but there was no jealousy there.

“You leaving?” he asked softly, and all I did was give him a little grin.

“You said we’re stashing her, right? I got stuff in there that I need to put in Baby, just gonna go organize it.” I replied and watched as he nodded, his eyes flickered to Sam and back to me. 

“Stay close.” He let me go, handed me the keys to the trunk and I nodded, before I headed out the door.

~~~~~

When I closed the trunk on the GTO, and stuffed a few of the bags into the back of the Impala, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the phone. Jones had texted, so had Christian. No update from either on Danni, and Jones wanted to know about his car. Must have low-jacked it because he had Alabama with a question mark in capital letters.

I texted back to him that we were stashing it, that he would be able to come and get it, or send a transport to pick her up, that I would give him the location as soon as I knew where it was and the only response was an “okay” before I stuffed it back in the bag.

I closed the lid of Baby gently, glanced at the boys inside the door and turned to lean on the trunk, and that was when I felt it, the odd tingle of being watched, and I turned my head to look down by the manager’s office.

SHE was there, leaning back against the wall, her hands in the pockets of her leather pants, the ass-kicking boots with the three inch heels was a stark contrast to the shiny leather but she still wore that maroon shirt and the black coat. Her bright, blood red lips curled up in a smile as she crossed her ankles and just watched.

“Hey?” Dean's voice spoke up behind me and I jumped as I turned to look at him. “What you up to Kid?”

 

“Do you see her?” And I glanced over at the woman against the wall before turning back to him. He looked down at me, raise an eyebrow and slowly brought his eyes up just as his eyes to scan over the manager's office wall. Lowering those green orbs back to mine, he bit down on his lip and gave me a low  response.

 

“Yep,” And that was all he said but his hand came down to mine as I flipped the button on the Spectrum blade at my hip and I felt this fingers curl around my wrist. “Easy there, Kid.” But my eyes narrowed at him and he gave me just a little grin before his other hand came up in his palm press against my cheek. He was distracting me or he was distracting her, I wasn't quite sure. “Just take it easy. Who is she?”

 

“That's her! That's the woman from the bathroom, the one from the Hag’s house. Dean, she's following me around. How did she get to me if you can see her now?” And I felt my whole body shake as I whispered these questions. Dean shook his head but his thumb ran gently across my skin trying to keep me calm.

 

“Come on inside, let's go.” he took my hand from the Spectrum handle, wrapped it in his fingers and pulled me inside the building, where he closed the door behind me. Sam sat up on the bed, having been leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Apparently the boys had been talking. But that confused and worried look on Sam's face let me know that he had caught just a little bit of his brother's body language and whatever it was that Dean was sending off worried Sam.

 

“What's going on?” Sam looked back and forth between us. Dean sighed as he sat me down in the chair rubbing both my shoulders with his hands, before he walked over to the other side of the table,grabbed his gun and click the slide back. “Dean?”

 

Dean glanced out the window, still seeing her standing by the doorway and turned to Sam. “Looks like our little girl wasn't imagining her after all.”

 

“Wait? What?” Sam got up from the bed quickly and moved over towards the window. He looked down in the direction that Dean had pointed to and saw who I assumed was the woman in black, and he glanced down at me before backing away, grabbing his own gun from the back of his jeans , and made sure that it was completely loaded. He squatted down in front of me, reach the hand up and gently brushed my cheek. What is it with these guys and having to touch me? I was getting more and more irritated with every touch to my skin.” It's okay Ali, stay right here and we'll take care of her.”

 

Sam move towards the door and flung it open, but I watched as he stopped dead, spinning in my chair so I could see, and his gaze move to Dean. The older brother taking cues from Sam, moved towards the door, hiding the gun behind the sill, and looked over at the spot where the woman was, before both sets of Winchester eyes were back on mine.

 

“What?” I snapped and suddenly stood, shimming in between the two of them as they block the doorway.

 

“She's gone!” Sam whispered against my ear as I felt his arm in circle my waist and my body begin to shake.

 

“She was just there! What the hell Dean? She was just there!” I ranted and shook my head as I moved away from both of them, my hand automatically going to the handle of the spectrum. “Who is this bitch?”

 

“Ali, take it easy.” Dean whisper and I watched him put the Colt down on the table. He reached out for me but I backed away trying to get my thoughts in order. “Alright what we need to do is move and move now!” 

He was almost to me, I could almost feel him, and I put my hand up, closing my eyes.  I thought that it would stop him from moving but instead, he put his hands on mine and pressed them against his own chest, before he let them go and moved to capture my waist.

“Look at me, Al,” he said softly, demanding and I slowly opened my eyes to stare up at him. His lips parted and his tongue ran along them, I don’t even think he knew he was doing it, but it gave me something to focus on. “We’re leaving, okay, we’re leaving and you just stay between me and Sammy, got it?”

“Stay between you and Sam,” I answered as if I were just a parrot on repeat, but that made me look past him at the other man in the room. Suddenly, Danni’s voice filled my thoughts, something she had said to Dean, something way out of context of the events that were going on at the moment, and I wondered why it chose now to come through.

“What did she do after the vampire attacked, did she run? Did she scream and carry on like some pansy little girl?”  I heard that deep throated growl from Dean that told me he was about to hit his end.  “No, she stayed and made sure that your brother didn’t die. She patched him up, she stayed with you, she was scared as hell but she didn’t run, Dean!”

“Ali?” Sam’s voice whispered and I found myself staring up at him, Dean had stepped aside to accommodate his brother moving closer, and at some point, he made contact, bringing my gaze deep into his.  “What?”

“Just a memory,” I said softly and backed away from both of them. “Well,” I looked between them, “are we going or what?”

Dean rolled his eyes as Sam smiled and the three of us walked out of the hotel.  Sam made a quick check of the room that I had used briefly before he slipped into the Charger and we followed Dean out of the parking lot.

~~~~~

He never did say how far away the place was, but it seemed to take forever to get there and that was a good thing because there was something I had to do.

“Cas!” I sighed, rolling my eyes as I call outward to him, using my thoughts to try and contact him as well. “Castiel, I need you, do you mind getting your feathered ass…” and before I could finish, he was sitting in the seat beside me.  I wasn’t surprised, I had been expecting him, so keeping the car at a normal rate of speed and not driving it off the road was bonus points for me.

“You called?” 

“Yeah,” I felt like a fool talking to him at the moment because all my memories could see was him as Cas, my Casanova, and I sighed, trying to remember he was an  angel of the lord , which made me snicker. “There’s something… someone following me.”

“Yes, Sam is in the car behind you, do you need me to move him into this one?”  Cas questioned and I rolled my eyes.

“No, Dork, I meant someone is following me as in haunting my ass!” I growled and watched as his brow furrowed.  “Something, some woman, is messing with my head.  She keeps telling me to remember and the last time she touched me, Cas, it nearly split my head in two.”

“That’s not physically poss…” one look and he shut right up. “May I look into your thoughts to see if I can get a better visual on who you’re dealing with?”

“Yeah, go ahead, but keep me on the road,” I agreed and felt the tips of Cas’ fingers on the side of my head before the light tingle made me shiver and he backed away.  The look on his face was not encouraging and I watched him look down at nothing, deep in thought. After a moment of silence, I raised a brow and glanced over at him,  why did I know that this just wasn't good at all. “Cas? Anything?”

“No.” He stated bluntly. “I'm sorry.” And I reached up and rubbed my forehead as a slight headache begin to form above my left eye. Not enough coffee and not enough sleep. Cas reached over and press his fingers against my forehead once more. “At least let me help with this.”

“Cas, what...?” But I felt the wave of heat we're his fingers touched and instantly my headache was gone. I glanced over at him and took his hand from my skin holding it in mine. “Thank you.” He looked down as if sure as to what to say next, and I gave his fingers of squeeze. “Hey, I know it's a little odd right now but, Cas, you know I wouldn't give you up for anything right?”

“It seems that we're right back to the rules we had when this started but,” Cas replied, “if you need me you know I'll be here.”

“I'm not giving up on you,” I smiled and watch as he took my hand and raised it to his lips. I felt his light kiss before he grinned behind my fingers. “Any word on Danni?”

“It's complicated but I'm pretty sure I have narrowed it down to the Northeast.” Cas replied as he let my hand fall to the seat, still in his and look out the window.

“So, I'm going all the way from Ohio to Alabama and back to exactly where I started from?” I shook my head, “Could somebody have just told me she was there?”

“It's possible that you are exactly on the track that you're supposed to be.” Cas replied as he looked over at me, his face void of emotion. “Maybe that's what this creature is, maybe it is here to show you just what you're supposed to do. Where are you headed to next?”

“Stowing the cars, after that I have no clue. I mean, I don't even think the boys know where we're going.”

“I believe the possibility of her sending you in a new direction is greater than you think.” Cas took a deep breath and turned in the seat towards me. “Has Sam remembered everything?”

“He remember something,” I huffed, but look at him. “He said he remembers me, how I feel, smell... whatever but he doesn't feel any of the emotion behind it. I mean it took Dean a little while too but that's Dean.”

“Speaking of Dean, what does he remember?”

“Dean says he remembers everything.” I glanced over at him catching his eyes and I shook my head. “Cas, there are things that Dean feels that I didn't know was that deep. And I'm thoroughly freaking confused.”

“You mean his love for you?” Okay, forget glancing, my head just whipped around in his direction. “You never realized it did you? You and he share a profound bond. More so than any of the rest of them, however it's not like the rest of them. It's not like Sam and your love for him. It's different.”

“No shit, it's different! But if you realized this why didn't you say anything?”

“It's not my place to reveal things like this Ali,” and I turned back to the road, “when things are as they should be, things between you and Dean will be as they should be. Just like you and Sam.”

“Yeah well, right now as things should be, a little less complicated would be nice.” I watched Dean put on blinker on to pull into a storage place and I looked over at Cas. “I'm going to guess this is probably where you should get off this crazy ride unless you want the brothers to know you're here.”

“No, you're right, it would be best if they don't know yet.” He raised my hand to his lips once more and kiss the gently. “But should you need me, Ali, I'm just a call away. You know that.”

“Yes Cas, I know.” And with that the angel was no longer sitting in my car. 

Perfect timing, considering I was just pulling up behind the Impala in the very back spot of the gated storage company. I watched a man in overalls walk out of an old building set further back into the tree-lined outskirts of the property. Sam's Charger pulled up right beside me and I watched as he got out. With a deep breath I shut off the GTO, it slipped out from behind her wheel, joining the boys as a heavy-set man approached.

~~~~~

I'll spare you the details on this one. But I'll give you the gist of it.

That fat, chauvinistic, son of a bitch, named Brian, greeted us or at least greeted Dean, told us where he was stash in the Charger and the GTO and gave me a look over that nearly sent me flying off the handle and I wish I could have punched the the loser. Sensing my strong disagreement with his very presence, Sam took my hand and lead me back to collect my things from the car and helped me put them in the Impala.

Having text Jones the address and warning him that if I found a scratch on her, or even more so if he found a scratch on her, to shoot the man on sight. Jones's response was only to tell me that you can't shoot him in public. But I knew that meant that both the Charger and the GTO would be safe.

So now we're in this situation, Dean driving, Sammy in his usual passenger seat, and me stretched out in the back seat of the Impala. Yeah, there's nothing more intoxicating than the backseat of that car! The problem was is that we had no real direction, no case, know where to next, because the boys just wanted to drive.

I don't know how long it it actually been since the two of them were together, in the same car at the same time, but I watched the way they laughed, the way they joked around, and the only thing I wanted to do was sit there quietly and let it happen.

I tucked my bag behind my head, a soft one filled with only clothes, and took the blanket that Dean had folded back up and rested on the cooler, and tucked myself in while I close my eyes. Hiding in my own little world.

But as usual that didn't last.

Usually when I dream, I kind of see it like a movie, I'm watching me and whatever is going on around me. You know that whole detach soul thing again. But this time, I was looking at it through my own eyes, and wherever I was, was dark and it was dirty. I could feel my hands tied above my head and as I tried to force my head back, I realize that I was up against the pole and everything hurt.

I groaned against the ache of my shoulders having been tied same position for too long, I winced at the feeling of cuts along my abdomen as I shifted my weight to see around the room better. And I could feel the dried blood as my jeans moved from my thighs. What the hell had I gotten into?

But that's when I saw him, lying unconscious across the floor with no bonds and I waited, just waited to see the rise of his chest. I could have counted it in my head, the seconds that passed. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, and then finally he took a breath, a shallow, painful breath.

“Dean,” I whispered and tried to clear my throat, “Dean?” But there was no response from the man across the room. I yanked on the ropes that held my in a shooting pain went down my arm. Nope I was getting out that way. “Sam?” I called out softly, as I tried to look around but there was no response. “Oh come on!”

How the hell was I going to get myself out of this one?

The scene switched out and suddenly I saw the Woman in Black standing above Sam, who is now laying on the floor where Dean had been. Her fingers arced like a claw as she pressed down right above his heart. And Sam screamed out in pain as a woman twisted her hand ever-so-slightly and looked at me.

“I told you to remember!” She stated yet again as Sam screamed.

“You son of a bitch! Take your hands off of him! I'm trying my best! I don't know what the hell you want me to remember but leave Sam alone!” But it was no use, she just kept twisting her hand and I watched his face grimace and pain as he tried to hold them the screen. “What do you want from me?!”

I could hear the panic in my own voice, and I knew I had to do something, but as I watched her, I felt the sharp pain at the back of my skull, like someone had taken the tip of a blade and started pushing it up through the soft muscle at the base. I heard myself scream this time as a multitude of different images flash through my memories.

The memories were specific to Sam, the different way he held me, some of the times that he smiled, but then there were others. Like when he stood inside a devil's trap, book in hand, ready to cast a ritual, I could hear the waiver in his voice, in the pain in mine  as I begged him to go on or let me go, I couldn't tell. What had I done that Sam would have me there on my knees, trapped?

I shook at the feeling of his skin, his warm, inviting skin, against mine and a moan escaped my lips. Why was it that he could set me on fire with just a touch, but no matter how much I fought the feeling of evil, pushed it down to take in everything that Sam was giving me, I couldn’t shake the dread that was creeping up.

“You should run,” I whispered as he used his thumbs to tilt my head up and my hands went right to his wrists, trying to get him to understand. “You should take your brother and go far, far away from me, Sam. I’ll only bring out the darkness in you.”

“I can’t do that,” he sighed, lowering his lips towards mine as he tipped just a bit, so that when we connected it would be like piecing a puzzle together. “I can’t leave you again, do you understand that, not ever again. You could never bring out the darkness, you push it back, you keep it at bay.”

“I’m so full of hate right now, evil… I just want to destroy everything.” I felt the heat rise in my chest, but the devil’s trap seemed to keep that part, that harmful thing that Zane was trying to do, down so that I stood a fighting chance. “Sam, you don’t understand the damage I could do.”

“You’re talking to the one person who probably knows exactly what you’re capable of,” his breath rushed over my lips, warm against the wetness that lingered here and I ached for him to close the distance, to press against me. I needed it. “That’s how I know you won’t hurt me, you’re part of me and I’m not letting go.”

I could feel the real sting in my eyes as I threatened him. What damage could I do? What had I done? Maybe this is why she wanted me to remember because somewhere in my past at least in the recent past I had done something so dark, so demonic, that I was trapped and the only way I saw out was for Sam to let me go.

The Woman in Black finally released Sam's chest and I watched him fall back to the floor motionless, but still breathing and I let out my own breath but that was when she came at me. And that hand push down around my heart.

The searing pain under her fingertips was almost too much, and I screamed out as she pressed harder. Her fingernails dug in and I could feel the blood drip down my chest. Add it to all the other injuries that I had apparently sustained from whatever fight had taken place beforehand, I knew I was going to need a new shirt.

She came closer, so close in fact that I could smell the perfume, flowery scent so strong that it made me want to gag but that was when I noticed her wrist. And as much as her nails were digging in and the fire was burning through me, I recognize the symbol that she had tattooed on the underside of it. I just had to hold on to that memory as I push myself out of this one.

“Get out of my head!” I snapped at her pushing my chest up to meet her fingers instead of pulling away and with a sudden blast of power I watched her fly across the room and the bonds that held my wrist snapped as I yanked at them.

Once free and positive at the woman who now lay buckled on the floor was out cold, I lean down beside Sam and put my hands on his face. I could feel him breathing under my arm and my finger search for a pulse. It was strong very very strong and that gave me hope. But as my hands cupped his cheeks I watch his eyes fly open, the usual blue-green color gone and replaced by a bright white light.

He sucked in a deep breath as if he couldn't hold anything else and he struggled against me. Struggled to find that rhythm and his eyes rolled back in his head.

“Sam!” I cried out trying to get his attention, but his body went rigid it underneath me and then started to seize. “Sam?! Sammy?!” I screamed and raise my head to look around. Where the hell had Dean gone? With one more deep breath I screamed. “HELP!!!”

I felt hands grasping my shirt and I open my eyes. Quickly my hands coming down to slap away the ones that held me and I looked up into Sam's awake and brilliant eyes, as he leaned over me in the back seat of the Impala. The door behind me was open, the door at my feet was also open but Sam was the only one who towered over me.

“Ali? Ali look at me!” Sam ordered and I tried my best to get myself under control, but with that control came the need and my hands were suddenly up in his hair. I needed to know that he was real, that he was breathing, and that I wasn't in the dream anymore. But my need to touch seem to be outweighed by his need, and his lips were suddenly crashing down upon mine. It was a frantic, chaotic kiss one that continued endlessly, and I wanted to fall into it but I needed to breathe. And as his lips, and only his lips backed away I held my eyes tightly closed. “What happened? You were screaming my name, what did you see?”

But it wasn't what I saw that caught my attention at that moment, at least it wasn't what I needed to show him and I pushed him away just a bit to pull down the neck of my shirt. They are branded into the skin where the five spots that the Woman in Black had pressed her nails into and Sam look down, the pads of his own fingers brushing against them, before he watched me reach up and grasp at his shirt. Tugging open the collar of his button down, I pulled away the fabric from over his heart, and drew in a deep breath. There on his skin were the same five light marks.

I felt my heart start to race, and my breathing pick up, has his own hand moved from my skin to his own. I thought for sure that he would freak out, that he would want an explanation, but I didn't have one and apparently I was wrong. He didn't want one. His lips came down upon mine again, this time soft and caressing as I felt the heat rise between us.

I had forgotten the way that his kiss felt, the way he could take it from one extreme to the next and still make it electric but this time, right at this moment, he was doing nothing but feeling. Something he hadn't done in the room, he hadn't had any emotion behind the desperate need. And need and feeling are two different things. The need before was to know that the memories he had were real, the feelings in this kiss now were to know that his heart was being true. I felt the weight of his body as he moved to settle between my knees and his arms came under my shoulders drawing me closer, folding me into him a place that I desperately wanted to be. 

And just like before, Dean had other plans!

The bang on the roof of the car would have set the older Winchester off on a tangent about  how someone shouldn't touch my car, don't touch my baby , but when he did it it was for all laughs. 

Sam jumped, breaking the kiss as he rolled his eyes and raised his head to look at his brother who was leaning down with a grin on his face. I tilted my head back and those green eyes met mine, but the smile that he wore for his brother's sake didn't reach the bright knowing glare that he was giving me.

“You want to not do that in my car? I don't want to have to clean drool off the upholstery.” Dean scowled and backed away without really going too far. 

Sam entangled himself from me and backed out the passenger side rear door leaving me to straighten myself before I sat up and kicked my foot towards the older Winchester's leg. Sam came around to lean against the driver side door, using my door as a barrier between them. 

“So, where are we now?” I whispered, and Dean looked down at me. 

“Powdersville, South Carolina.” He stated as if that should mean something. But then again this was Dean Winchester, everything meant something.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Headspace, nutcase!

“Powdersville where?” I asked and raised an eyebrow at him.

Dean crossed his arm, and rolled his eyes, his usually annoyed gesture, but he brought them back to me and gave me a smirk. “South Carolina.”

“What are we doing in the gunpowder capital of the world?” I snarked and listen to Sam give a small laugh.

“Actually, they didn’t make it here, they stored it here,” Dean replied sarcastically and narrowed his eyes at me.

“Gunpowder, bullets, salt and shells, what the hell are we doing here, Winchester?” I questioned sarcastically, standing from inside the Impala. I leaned against the car as Dean turned, his left hand staying on baby's door. “I have things to do people to find exactly why are we in this Podunk town?”

“See unfortunately, this ain't all about you, not all of it.” Dean stated and I watch Sam role as eyes. Apparently remembering our arguments was one of the things that came back first, and I watched him switch legs uneasily. “I got a call from a hunter, said they got something going on about 15 minutes from here. Sounds like a demon dog.”

“Hellhound?” I asked as both looked at me oddly. “If there's a hellhound about then couldn’t someone's contract be up?”

“Apparently, this one has been around since 1850, if not longer.” I looked at Dean and scratch my forehead.

“Okay so spirit animal, what's that got to do with us?” Dean looked at me annoyed, I mean just as annoyed as he was, but more angry before he turned his sights on Sam.

“A little help here?” Dean requested and I turned my gaze to the younger Winchester. Sam stepped forward took a deep breath and leaned on the door as Dean moved his hand to stuff both of them in his pockets.

It looked as if Sam really was going to take over, I cross my arms and looked up at the tall man, waiting for him to begin. Sam glance that Dean, Dean glance that Sam, and both of them gave a whatever face which really annoyed me to no end.

“Oh come on, just get on with it!” I said sourly. I watch this Sam gave me this look, just a little bit of a question in his eyes and I had to take a step back. Glancing between both of them, I shook my head. “I'm sorry! I have no idea what's wrong with me, all the sudden I just feel angry.”

“Maybe it was the dream?” Sam whispered, as his eyes looked over me. “I mean, you woke up pretty messed up.”

“Doesn't mean I need to take it out on you two.” I exhaled slowly and then reached out a hand and touch Dean's arm softly. “Okay so let's try this again, Powdersville, South Carolina what are we doing here? Wait, you know what I have a better idea. Breakfast!”

Sam and Dean look at each other, and the three of us got back in the car. I didn't even realize what time of day it was. The night had just rolled into the next day, and as I sat in the back seat I thought about the hours that had passed. We had gone to the bar, had fought the succubus, Sam patched me up and we had managed to find another hunt, all before breakfast.

~~~~~

Yeah, it didn't take much convincing to get the guys to agree that breakfast would be the next logical step. So once back in the Impala, we hit the highway and took off to move a little closer to the town that Dean’s friend had called about. 

We found a small diner just on the outskirts and tucked ourselves into a booth into the back. My back to the window and facing the door. Dean slid in beside me before Sam had a chance and I smiled at the irritated look on the younger one’s face before I felt his leg slip between mine and I pressed my knees together against his thigh. 

The shock on the younger Winchester’s face was priceless, but it faded quickly as he made his own move and while leaning forward to look over the menu, his hand touched my knee and ran the length of my leg before stopping right where his knee pressed, dangerously close to the heat between my legs and I took a deep breath, which caught Dean’s attention.

Sam never even bothered to look up as Dean turned to face him, then he looked at the blush in my cheeks before he narrowed his eyes and glanced at his brother again, who innocently stared at the menu.  The waitress was my only saving grace as she placed the coffee cups down in front of each of us and poured the hot coffee. That was the moment that Sam backed away and the very second the heat of his touch moved from my legs.  

I cleared my throat, slouched down in the seat so that his knee made the connection and closed my eyes at the pressure before I quickly sat back up and composed myself.  Sam was the one who had turned red this time and I heard the growl from Dean, who picked up the menu and turned to the waitress, spouting off his order before he turned back to me.

“What are you getting?” He questioned and I licked my lips as I bit the side of my cheek. 

“Eggs, over-easy, bacon and sourdough toast, please,” I whispered, smiling at the woman before my eyes connected with Dean’s.  Was that jealousy there in his green eyes? I wondered for a moment and going against all that I should have been doing, I reached out and pressed the back of my hand against his thigh, creating an instant calm in his face. “Relax.”

“I’m trying too,” he leaned in to whisper to me, but it was so close that I could almost feel the touch of his lips against my ear.  “I have no idea what to do with this.”

I grabbed my bag, the small one that I dragged in with me, and pulled out the journal. Sam’s eyes were on me as I unclipped it and opened it, flipping it to the pages where the actual entries began, some from April and I slid it to Dean. 

“This is where we meet Danni, maybe you should read some of it.” I suggested and watched as he sat back, his lips opened and closed as his jaw clenched and he took the book from me as Sam took out his tablet, that he carried in the laptop bag. I took my gaze off Dean and looked up at Sam. “Tell me about this case.”

“Four dead, hearts removed, police suspect a large animal,” Sam shrugged as he stared at the facts before him, but I watched his brow raise. “They’ve called a curfew and cordoned off the area where the bodies were found.”

“Okay, one: hearts removed…” I paused as the waitress set the plates down before us and I smiled, but then waited for her to move away before I continued, and leaned in closer to the Sam. “Sounds more like a werewolf than a hellhound.”

“She’s not wrong,” Sam whispered, his eyes traveling to Dean, who was concentrating on breakfast.

“They leave out the parts where the body cavity is gutted and torn to shreds,” Dean answered, lifting his head to answer with a mouthful of food.  I put the unopened ketchup container back in its spot as he shrugged and went back to eating, taking another bite before he continued. “Besides, there’s no Were activity in this area, hasn’t been in years.

“So, two: how does the Hound of Goshen legend fit in with a hellhound?” I watched as Sam typed it into his computer and shrugged. “I mean, hellhound: black dog, red eyes, Goshen: white dog, red eyes and had never touched anyone in over  a hundred and sixty years?”

“She has a point,” Sam shrugged and I heard Dean snicker.

“You just wanna get laid,” the older one picked, “you’re trying too hard, Sammy.” I elbowed Dean squarely in the bicep and heard him groan at the pain, tightened muscle meeting a bony elbow, yeah, not fun. “Okay! Geez, look all I got was bloody pictures that look like a hellhound shredded it’s last meal, and a local legend of a ghost dog, not to mention a hunter with more experience than us combined, calling for help.”

“Makes for an interesting case,” I answered and picked at the bacon. Okay, so I wasn’t really all that hungry but food was supposed to sustain life, and I needed something to keep my mind going, so I ate.  “Can I ask for one thing? I mean, before we go ghost hunting and breaking out the EVPs?”

“If it’s something we can manage,” Sam whispered. 

“Four hours and a bed,” I sighed. “This not sleeping crap is really killing me.”

“I wanna check out the coroner’s office before we really get down to the crime scene,” Sam replied and shrugged, and turned his eyes on Dean, who just kind of grimaced. “If it’s that bad, Dean, it isn’t just going to stop because we’re in town. Four hours should be okay.”

“Yeah,” he said as he wiped his mouth with the napkin before setting it down on his already empty plate. “I could go for a hot shower too.” His eyes locked on mine. “We’ll find a place, on one condition,” and I watched him glance at my barely touched food, “finish it!”

“Yes, Daddy,” I teased and rolled my eyes, but the playful way, more like the seductive way I said it, had him straighten up and clear his throat, which I decided to ignore as I grabbed the toast and dug in while they continued to discuss the plan.

I barely remembered the rest of the conversation as I finished what was in front of me and sat back, pulled one leg up, away from Sam’s and leaned my elbow on it as I stared out the window, mug in hand.  The memory I got was the five of us, Danni included and Cas, sitting in a cafe, somewhere. Sam had his laptop out, sitting across from me, Cas at the end of the table and Dean beside me as Danni sat across from him, next to Sam. 

The conversation was light, but there was something in the air, something just a little off.  I remember getting up from the table, and walking outside ducking around the corner of the little cafe. 

_ Just around the side of the building, I pressed against the concrete wall and sighed.  It wasn’t long before Sam came out, glanced at me as he rounded the corner and came to a stop within arm’s grasp from me. _

_ I reached out and grabbed his shirt with both hands, wanting so badly to kiss him but that wasn’t why I agreed to come out here. Sam’s fingers traced over my face before his hands landed on my neck, forming to fit the space that it covered, from my chin to my shoulder. _

_ “Are you okay, you look a bit anxious?”  He asked softly and I shook my head.  With a deep breath, I tried to concentrate, to understand what I was feeling. “Ali, it’s me, nothing you say is going to upset me, so just let it out.” _

_ “It’s Dean,” and I watched as he blinked, but there was no jealousy there.  “When he touched me… okay that’s not the word, his leg was against my thigh, his shoulder on mine and despite the way it feels, which is the way it always has, like grounding, I wanted to punch him.” _

_ Sam smiled and licked his lips, “you wanted to punch Dean?” I rolled my eyes at the fact that he was getting such a kick out of this, “and it’s upsetting you?” _

Punch Dean? Really? I smiled at the memory, one because I was holding Sam so close, and two, I really wanted to punch Dean for touching me, but as it was, there was something in the way I was feeling at that moment that was making me aggravated and I couldn’t put my finger on it. 

~~~~~

As promised, four hours and Dean’s hot shower was what we got, or at least what I thought we were going to get.  Apparently, the boys had other plans. Once settled in the room, I watched Sam change into his FBI threads, and his eyes stayed fixed on me has he fixed this tie, grabbed his badge, and the keys to the Impala.

With one last unsure look as to how he was supposed to say goodbye, he gave me a slight nod, look at his brother with a weary smile and headed out the door. Dean stood from the table, after unloading the round in his gun and setting the mag down beside it, he grabbed me under the knees and turn me so that I was sitting completely on the bed.

“That's gotta kind of hurt, watching him walk out like that,” Dean whispered as he leaned over the bed essentially locking me down and I raised my hand to press against his chest.

“He still remembering Dean,” I whispered as I backed down into the pillow. “I don't expect him to be all hugs and kisses and goodbyes right off the bat, and what's got you so up in arms anyway?”

“I don't know,” he sighed, “maybe it's because I know and I expect it now, but I keep forgetting that he doesn't know everything. It's kind of crazy, you know?”

“Just as crazy as it was when I was trying to convince you of all the things that you know now right?” And his eyes showed me exactly what I needed to know, that he understood. He let out a small breath before he leaned in close and rested his lips on my forehead. I heard him breathing deeply and felt the light touch of his fingers against my neck before he backed away. Opening my eyes I watched him head towards the bathroom, and I turned over on my side just to see him go. “Hey Dean,” he stopped and glanced back at me, “have a good shower.”

“Yeah, get some sleep.” He closed the door.

Sleep was as it always was, light and fleeting, so when the bed sagged behind me and I could smell the scent of Dean's body wash as he curled up against me, the only thing I could do was reach down and take his hand.

“Sam's not going to be all that impressed when he walks in on this,” I mumbled and felt his lips near my ear. I was pretty sure that he was that close only to hear what I had to say, but then he huffed a laugh against my cheek and slowly rested his head behind me on the pillow.

“Yeah, well you seem to sleep a lot better with me here, so you're stuck with me, Kid.” But I felt his hand move from mine and suddenly he had his phone in his grasp. I heard the ticking of the keys and I couldn't help but smile. “There you satisfied, pain in the ass, I texted Sammy let him know, this way here we don't hurt his girly princess feelings.”

I wanted to laugh but when his hand came back down and rested on my stomach, and he pulled me back against him. The only thing that I managed to do was fall back into that slumber that I so desperately needed. Sometime during it I heard the whispers between the boys, Dean moved from behind me, and the bed shifted again with a different sort of weight, as Sam took his place. I could tell by the scent of the man behind me, that I had just exchanged one Winchester for the other.

When my eyes finally decided that it was time to open, that I had rested enough, the arms that were around me were now behind me. Confusion set in at that point and my body started to shake as the memory of a man that I didn't know hovering above me overwhelmed my senses. The power that came off of him was something that I could feel even as my body begin to wake, and I found myself lying with my eyes open, staring at the fabric of a light t-shirt. 

Hesitantly, I let my eyes wander up to Sam's calm face. He wasn't sleeping, just lying there relaxed as he had one arm tucked under his head and the other protectively across my lower back, his fingers spread wide, his thumb moving gently across my spine. The shiver, the vibration of the power from the other man in my dream brought Sam's gaze down to mine. I watched the confusion spread across his face and I knew he could feel the tension in my body.

Sam looked around the room, as if he were searching for something, and I realize that Dean must not have been there, because Sam slid down until his was nose-to-nose with me. Closing the distance his lips pressed warmly against mine, giving me just enough time to breathe him in has his hand moved from above the shirt that separated us, to slip below it onto my bare back. The feeling of his hand against my skin made me hum against his lips enticing him to explore more.

His kiss was soft, almost probing, like he lazily waiting, testing to see just how far he could go, but when he went to move away, I couldn't help the way my hands fisted his shirt. No, I needed this and if this was going to let me have control, I was going to take it.

He turned, rolling me with him as I straddle his hips, deepening the kiss, wanting more as my tongue gently flicked at his lips , waiting for them to part. Both of his hands moved now, pushing my shirt from my jeans, giving him full access to the skin there, and he gripped my waist as my kisses claimed him.

Tongues and lips made for passionate kisses was the only thing on my mind as I took his breath, heard him moan as the fire grew. It was when I moved on to kiss the exposed skin of his neck, which he bared willingly as his head tipped back, that he laughed, low and lustful.

“He’s gonna come back,” but the small noise that escaped his lips when I nipped at his neck made his grip only tighten, “Ali.” his voice was pleading, a hand moving from my back to tangle in my hair, not sure if he wanted to push me closer or pull me away, and I know I should have stopped, but this was Sam and I so needed this, “wait.”

“Sam,” I scolded, almost wanting to tie him to the bed and deadbolt the door, because I could feel his want through the tight bulge of his jeans, but I understood his worry. Moving up to his ear, I bit down gently on his lobe and he almost purred against me. “One of these times, I’m going to get you alone, and we’re not stopping.”

I heard him huff and suddenly I was on my back, his hips pressing deeply into me as his lips captured mine once again. That was when we heard the keys and quickly both broke the hold and moved, curling up with Sam at my back as if I had just woke and Sam wasn't trying to hide the raging evidence of his desire, but his hand remained under my shirt.

Dean opened the  door, glanced at the two of us and rolled his eyes. He set whatever he was holding down on the table, as his jaw clenched, and he grabbed my journal flipping it open as he sat down. He started to read or at least that's what I assumed, but his eyes slipped back to mine as I press my back against Sam.

As I watched him a memory came to the surface, of me standing beside a dark Charger much like the one that Sam had now, but it was Dean and I and the look on his face told me that something emotional was about to happen.

_ “I’m sorry if my wanting to keep you safe disturbs you.” Dean’s deep voice invaded my senses. _

_ “It doesn’t,” I paused and shook my head. “You don’t get it, Dean, it doesn’t disturb me, it confuses me.” _

_ “Well, I’m sorry for that too,” he growled and went to move away but I grabbed his shirt and stopped him in his tracks. _

_ “Wanna let me finish, Winchester?” I ordered and watched as he stared up at the sky. “It confuses me because it’s growing, it’s getting stronger and I don’t know what to do about it. I meant what I said in the warehouse, Dean, I love you.” _

_ He turned back to me and reached out, caressing the back of his hand down my cheek. “And you know that I meant it too, Ali, but it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change who we are to each other, and it doesn’t change who we’re with or who we fell for.” _

_ “I know that,” I let him go and grabbed the cans again, before I turned away from him. _

_ “Hey, Kid,” his voice had me stopping as he stepped up behind me, a hand sliding to my hip. “I not going anywhere, I don’t care what happens or how confused you feel, you’re not getting rid of me.  Sammy understands that, Danni, she gets it, and you,” his lips brushed my cheek before he stopped by my ear, “you’re just going to have to deal with it.” _

_ Deal with what? _ I asked myself as the memory started to fade. Deal with what, Dean? Deal with how close he was? I was afraid to deal with anything at that point, but to know that somewhere in our past we had been it exactly the same spot, trying to figure out what was between us, as well as what was between our other halves, I didn’t know if that scared me or excited me.

I took a deep breath in as I felt Sam move behind me. The younger Winchester's warmth faded from from my skin has he got up to head towards bathroom, but my eyes were locked on Dean's.

“What do you want to know?” I asked, because you know he wanted to ask, it was written all over his face otherwise he wouldn't have been looking at me like that.

“Danni, what happened next?” And this made me sit up. I swallowed hard trying to think of the memories, and I move my gaze from the ugly brown rug to meet his.

“Well to be more specific, what part of what happens next are you looking for?” Dean rolled his eyes as I smiled, but came to sit at the edge of the bed. “Okay, okay, so what part are you at in the book?” 

“According to this you just told me about vampires. The lore and your show, what show?” I sat back on the bed, he couldn't really have forgotten all about the show could he? There was no way I was going to explain Supernatural again to Dean Winchester, not with the slack I got the first time.

“Don't worry about that, it'll come back to you when the rest of your memories do.” But he close his lips tightly and let out a deep breath, and we both looked up as a bathroom door open in Sam walk out, moving over to sit across from Dean. “We're talking about Danni,” I told Sam, “you want to hear this?”

“Yeah I mean, I guess if I'm going to help look for her might as well start learning about her, or maybe it'll help me start remembering.” Sam sighed. “After that though, we really need to move on this case. If it's not a were, then it could strike at any time.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Dean stated and close the book looking at me as if he had just lost a match of rock-paper-scissors. “Maybe we should concentrate on the case, and a little bit more on Danni later.” I nodded but I could see the confusion in his eyes before he turned to Sam. “Okay, so morgue me.”

I rolled my eyes at the expression, but Sam only gave him a small grin, before he pulled out his phone, flipped open the gallery and got to the pictures that he had taken at the coroner's office.

“So basically. everything points to a hellhound,” Sam stated as he handed me the phone.

“I can't make out a damn thing on this.” I growled as I handed it back to him and watched as he pulled the laptop out of his bag. Hooking the phone to the computer via a USB cable, Sam brought the phones pictures up to a 17-inch screen. With the bloody mess right in front of me, I gestured with my hand, “see now I could see that just fine.”

I stood and moved up behind Sam, resting my arm around his shoulder as I leaned in, but it was Dean who came up on the other side of me, his hands sneaking around my waist as he pulled me closer, that captured my attention. It was weird to be in between the two brothers, but at the same time it was completely natural. I leaned on Sam, and Dean held me. Like it had always been just this way.

“So get this,” Sam said softly and flip to the second picture. “This is the body of our first victim, Natasha Green, age 36. She was found two days after her disappearance buy a few hikers off the I-79 Trail. The problem is, they can't determine if the way her body is ripped apart, was before or after her death.”

“Two days after her disappearance?” Dean spoke up as he seem to breathe against my skin, “yeah that would leave us questioning what was going on too. You said it was on the I-70 Trail?”

“I-79,” corrected Sam and he looked up at me then down at the arm around my waist before he went back to the screen. “Anyway, Natasha's body was found not more than ten feet from the road, not something you're average werewolf would make the mistake of doing. But I did look up that legend you were talking about, the Hound of Goshen, looks like it haunts ride along a portion of  Buncombe Road .”

“Okay so that's one of our victims,” I spoke up, “what about the other ones?”

“Martin Square, age 42 and Janice Elmer age 29, both found on the same part of the I-79 Trail but this time less than two days after their disappearance.” Sam flip through the pictures, not as if they were any different from the ones before, but as he went to tap down on the next one, I place my hand on top of his.

“Wait a minute,” and my finger moved towards the screen. Without touching it I moved my finger in a circular motion over the top right corner of the screen. “Can you zoom into that?”

Sam moved the cursor, uses fingers and spread the screen wide bringing it right up to that corner that I had pointed at. Dean, not quite sure what he was looking at, leaned in closer, but I knew exactly what that was. And the only thing that we heard from Sam was one word, “huh,”.

Slipping out from between the brothers, I walked over to one of the duffle bags that I had pulled from the back of the car, and grab the black book out of the bottom underneath my clothes. Not sure when I had packed research books, but I remember seeing it when I had been searching for socks earlier.

Setting it down beside Sam on the table I flipped through the pages as fast as I could. Both brothers looked on stunned as I stopped in open the book wide, holding it up to bring the drawing close to the screen.

“What is that?” Dean questioned as he leaned down closer to examine both.

“I thought those didn't exist anymore,” Sam whispered.

“They're not supposed to,” I replied, before I looked up at Dean. “It's a Cerberus, old Greek mythology. Problem with this is that as much as our hellhounds usually stick to the black and red, a Cerberus can be any color.”

“Like a big white dog with red eyes?” Dean stated sarcastically.

“Exactly,” Sam spoke up, “but what exactly is a Cerberus doing anywhere near South Carolina?”

“Well there's only one way to find out,” I sighed and stepped back taking the book with me. Both men turned and looked in my direction, as I pulled the Spectrum out of my bag and slipped it into the sheath attached to my hip. “I think we need to go on a Cerberus hunt.”

~~~~~

We had pulled onto the trailhead for the I-79 entrance where the bodies had been found before and all three of us got out of the Impala. Dean opened the trunk, pulled my bags from the top, handing them off as he open the hatch to the weapons cache. Propping the lid up with an empty shotgun, I watched him grab a couple mags for his Colt, and start handing things to Sam, who stuff them into empty duffle bags.

“Have you ever hunted a mythical creature before?” I asked as I watched him pass off strange objects that didn't look like they would do much good to any kind of creature before my eyes came to rest on his and he gave me look of annoyance. “Okay let me rephrase? Have you ever hunted a Greek mythical creature before? Like a Cerberus?”

“Why are you still talking?” He snapped at me, in my eyes narrowed as his did the same, suddenly feeling an urge to punch him again and my memories flashed back to that one incident.

“ _ You think you can do this alone?” Dean growled, his voice suddenly deep enough to vibrate through me. “If you think you’re strong enough to take on the nest alone, go for it, Sugar be my guest, but if you drag Sam into it…” _

_ “What, you’ll hunt me down too?” I whispered and watched him lean forward just a bit. _

_ “Hunting you down would be the least of your problems if something ever happened to Sammy because of your careless, reckless, inability to see what the hell is right in front of you.”  _

_ “I know what hell I’m doing Dean.” I snapped and watched that smartass grin form on his face. “I know all about what a vampire can do once it has you beneath its bite and I sure as hell know how to kill it.” _

_ “Did your little show teach you that?”  _

_ I shook my head at him, my brows going up, and I could feel the anger burning in my gut. He had no idea how I knew, but that didn’t stop the next set of events from happening anyway. I closed my eyes just for a brief second before I turned away to look at Sam, who was standing by the now topside trunk of the Impala, and at Danni, who was a bit confused over the argument. I was fuming and I had no idea why, but that little threat, the possibility that I would put any of them in harm’s way set me off like nothing else and I found myself swinging before I knew what I was doing. _

_ My fist connected full force with Dean’s jaw and I watched as he was thrown off balance, not by the force of it but by the surprise and I walked down towards him as he tumbled back, landing on his ass. He looked up at me in shock as I stood still on the incline but just at the edge of his feet. His eyes were wide and his hand came up to his cheek.  _

I felt Sam's hand on my arm as my fingers clenched into a fist, ready to haul off and knock the guy one but just that gentle touch brought me back to reality and I shrugged away from him, glaring up at Dean as I turned and walked towards the woods.

“Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?” Dean snapped. I glanced back at him, flipped him off, and kept going.

“What, you think you're the only one that knows how to hunt?” I snapped back, and heard the sound of Sam's boots approaching quickly, before his hand grabbed me once more and spun me back towards him. “Let me go, Sam!”

“What the hell is going on between you two?” Sam demanded to know, but I just looked past him at the glaring Winchester. Sam moved to stand in front of me blocking my view Dean. “Hey! Ali! What the hell is going on?”

“I don't know,” I ran my hands over my face knowing that Dean was now out of sight and then I dropped them by my side as I shook my head. “I don’t get it, ever since we got into South Carolina, my emotions keep going back and forth, like one minute I'm fine and then the next minute I just want to bite his head off!”

“Yeah, I get that, and it seems to be going both ways.” Sam sighed as his fingers came up to rest against my neck, his thumb ran along my cheek. “Maybe it would be better if you stayed at the car, especially if the two of you were going to blow up at each other.”

“I'm not staying at the car, Sam! I'm not going to let this, whatever it is, get in the way of this hunt. If the woman in black wants me to remember, and this is part of it, then that's how it's going to have to be.” I growl and back out of his reach, just as Dean came up to walk past us.

“The two of you can stay back here, if you're just going to hang out and play, but we got a monster to catch!” Dean snapped as he walked by. Sam's eyes went from him to me and back again, as he took my hand.

I knew one thing was absolutely certain, as we stepped into those woods, whatever was up there, whatever was affecting both Dean and myself, it wasn't a Cerberus and it certainly wasn't a hellhound.

Walking into the unknown, the uncertain, my heart started to race.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Hellhound Express

Sam finally released my hand, as we followed the older snothead into the woods. I didn’t get the angry feeling that flowed through me, I didn’t even get why he was feeling it too, or why Sam was unaffected by it, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with the way that the memories were coming back. 

Twice now I had seen that one fight, the one scene where Dean was sitting on his ass because I had punched him, but I wasn’t as angry then as I should have been. I mean I was furious with the fact that he thought I would ever put Sammy in danger but I wasn’t mad at  _ him _ ! How confusing does that sound, because now, I could just haul off and let him have it just on principle alone, and the fact that he asked me why I was still talking. 

My eyes were focused on the man in front of me, watching Dean’s muscles move under his shirt as he moved through the thick brush, just off the trail. Did he really know where we were going or was he just pretending to be big and bad? I was having other feelings about the area, even though I could sense that he was pretty sure he was on the right track. 

Sam was just behind me, I heard the slide of the machete that he had attached to his thigh slide from the sheath and I knew he was on alert. There was just somethings you pick up on after being around certain people for a while, like Dean and his sense of direction. It was like man had a compass for the baddies, he knew right where to find them, and Sam, well, he knew when Dean was on edge just by the body language, and when Dean was on edge, Sam was on high alert.

A gust of wind brought the scent of death from the east and I slowly came to a halt, the older Winchester in front of me stopping only seconds after my falls had ceased and he turned to look at me, eyes narrowed, but I ignored him as my sense of smell caught the odor once again. Without looking back at them, I turned to my right and headed off into the small thicket that stood just beyond the line of trees.

Nothing prepares you for the scent of death, not for when you step right up to it, so when it hits you in the face with a downdraft, even the strongest men would double over and gag, but I had seen enough, smelled enough of it that the most it got from me was me grabbing the edge of my shirt and pulling it over my nose. 

When I ducked down so I could look at the mangled remains closer, taking me out of the boys’ sight, I caught the rustle of their boots on the crisp forest floor. Yeah, nonverbal communication could be great but if you weren’t looking at them, you couldn’t tell them you were okay.  By the time I had squatted down enough to lay the blade on the ground and start examining the remains that lay before me, Sam had burst through the thicket and almost stepped in it. Dean, a little more patient with the fact that, yeah, I wasn’t going anywhere, circled around and stopped by what I thought might have been the head at one point, which was now a crushed and mangled collection of fragments.

“Congratulations,” he said sarcastically, “you found victim number four.”

“This is not a hellhound,” I whispered, ignoring his sarcastic remark and grabbed a stick right next to me.

“Don’t!” Sam moaned as I rolled my eyes in his direction, “don’t poke it with a stick!”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t play with dead things,” Dean added and I shook my head, slipped the tip of the wood under a flap of skin and moved it quickly out of the way, jumping back as a large beetle crawled out. “Well, that’s not disgusting at all.” After finally catching my heart, and flicking the beetle away with the stick, I leaned in close again. “Really, you going for round two?”

“Were there any missing persons reports from five days ago?” I questioned and glanced back at Sam. 

“Not that I got wind of, I mean the last one was the victim they found, Janice, and that was two days ago, why?”  Sam moved just a bit closer and I saw the look on Dean’s face as he became curious about my query as well. 

“The maggots stopped feeding, they’re going into the last stage, so I’m putting this one about five days old.” I answered and picked at what remained of the white creatures.

“It's actually kind of gross that you know that.” Dean grimaced as i looked up at him.

 

“Seriously, you really are two-years-old aren't you?” I felt Sam's hand on my shoulder as Dean gave me this childish look, before he rolled his eyes and turned around to survey the area. Shaking my head, I turned back to Sam, he took a deep breath. “Okay, so we've got four victims now, one less than two days ago and now this one is at least five, the hell kind of animal are we dealing with?”

 

“Still looks like a hellhound to me.” Sam sighed as he took the stick from my hand and ran it over the different markings on the skin. “I’ve seen these kind of scratches before, they’re hellhound claws”

 

“Any large dog can make those kind of marks, Sam,” I said irritatedly but then rubbed the bridge of my nose and sighed. “I'm sorry, I have no idea what's wrong with me.”

 

“It's okay, we'll figure it out.” But with that, Sam went back to looking at the body. And Dean was nowhere to be found, which you got me curious.

 

“Where's your brother?” And Sam picked his head up from the spot on the body that he was looking at to glance around the woods.

 

“What the… Dean?!” Sam hollered as he slowly stood and listened, but there was no sound, even the birds were quiet.

 

I watched in wonder as Sam stepped over the body, completely oblivious to the fact that he was disturbing a crime scene, more worried about the fact that his brother had disappeared without a word. Not that I blamed him, I mean Dean taking off out of nowhere is probably the worst news anybody could ever get. This was Dean after all. Nothing, not even death would separate him from Sammy so I had to wonder why the big brother disappeared?

 

It didn't take me long to lose sight of the taller Winchester either, and suddenly I was alone. With a sigh, I reach down and grab the Spectrum blade, turn to my right, and moved away from the smell of the body, keeping myself up wind. There had to be some sort of clue, some sort of, I don't know, sense of direction in this place, but I can't seem to find it.

 

I walked for what seemed like hours, but I know they were only seconds, feeling as if I had gotten lost in the woods somewhere, expecting the Big Bad Wolf to jump out at any given time. The silence bothered me, the fact that I couldn’t hear either of them, and there was no cell service. Yeah, I checked that. With today's modern technology, you should have been the easiest way to keep track of the Winchesters, but in the middle of the woods, someplace in South Carolina, I had managed to hit a dead zone.

 

As the trees around me grew thicker, and the overhead canvas start to block out the light, I started seeing shadows, shadows were there weren't supposed to be ones, and I knew I was in trouble.

 

In front of me stood a small stone wall not more than two feet in height but most of it blocked by the overgrowth of weeds and vines that ran along it. Just passed it, the old tombstones litter the grass, even as unkempt as it was. The cemetery seem stretch as far as I can see, but then again we were in the middle of the woods and that wasn't very far. Stepping over the wall, I made my way through the broken and neglected stones not quite sure what I was looking for.

 

If I remember back correctly, Sam had said something about a legend, one about a peddler who was falsely accused of murder on his way through and they use them as a scapegoat so that the town people would feel more at ease. This was where the legend of the Hound of Goshen came from.

 

The Hound itself seemed harmless, only chasing off those who happen to venture through the cemetery or off the trailhead. But that body in the woods was not just chased off, it was mutilated. With that knowledge and my Spectrum blade, I moved quietly through the stones.

 

Just ahead of me was a family vault, with the name Terrence across the top. Among the broken and battered stones, this monument stood nearly untouched, and I wondered exactly what was going on. Looking around and seeing nobody, at least nobody that was going to scold me for doing what I was about to, I reached out and yank down on the old lock, leaving rust under my palm.

 

It sprung free in my hand, giving a little resistance as I twisted it around. Dropping it to the ground, I pulled on the heavy metal door, making that little bit of noise that Sam always gave when something just seemed out of place.

 

“Huh,” I whispered and looked around.

 

It was light enough outside that I didn't need a flashlight, so when I stepped into the mausoleum, I was surprised that the sun was shining in through three skylights, Illuminating the two large sarcophaguses in the middle of the floor. Along with every other odd thing that was going on at that moment, the lack of spider webs, and how clean the inside of this place was, made me curious as to how long ago someone had stepped foot in here.

 

It was then, as I stood between the two cement coffins, that I heard the low growl behind me. Turning slowly, I came face-to-face with a rather large beast. It wasn't black or white, it was brown, its markings closer to a German Shepherd than any hellhound I had ever seen depicted before, but its eyes definitely were glowing a bright red.

 

“Nice puppy,” I whisper softly as I raised my hands, the Spectrum grasp in my right, and I backed away just a little bit more until my back hit the concrete wall. Looking around, I could see that one thing was absolutely certain, I was totally screwed. Smiling, I looked at the dog once more as it padded in. Its paws were covered in deep crimson red, as well as its muzzle, and I watched it leave bloody footprints behind it. “So, you're a little mystery dog. Now what's got you all up in up in arms?”

 

Dangling from its neck was a heavy chain and as it step towards me I could almost hear it sparking against the cement ground. The way that it dragged it, how its neck was hung low, made me curious on how this dog's life was before it died. I had no choice but to find a way out, because I was pretty sure there wasn't going to be a Winchester saving my ass this time.

 

At any given moment in time, we think about exactly what we would have done differently in life. At this point, my first thought was I should have never walked into this vault, but you can't change the past. You can only learn by it. Moving as quickly as I could, I hopped up onto the stone slabs that covered the coffins, took the sharp edge of the blade and rammed it as hard as I could upwards towards the sky light

 

Glass shattered around me and I did my best to use the edge of the blade to get rid of the rest of the jagged edges before I stowed it away in its sheath, and jumped for the edge. Grabbing the sill with as much force as I could, I pulled myself up feeling the glass shards digging in, and I was suddenly happy I had taken that extra upper body strength-training class at the gym.

 

Finally getting my body up and over the edge, I could hear the snapping of the dog's jaws below me, and apparently I had made it out just in time. With the chain around its neck, the dog wasn't as agile as it should have been. That gave me enough time to pull my happy ass up and onto the roof. With bloody hands, I lay there trying to catch my heart and my breath but that was just about the same time at the phone in my pocket ring.

 

With the jagged edges of the cuts stinging, I managed to get my fingers into my pocket and pull the cell phone out. Bring it up to where I could see it. I saw Dean's caller ID on it and rolled my eyes. Stabbing at the screen with a bloody finger, I let it go straight to speaker.

 

“Ghost Hunters Unlimited, how can I help you?” I asked sarcastically.

 

“Not funny, Ali!” Dean growl, “where the hell are you?”

 

I looked over the edge of the mausoleum at the ground not more than twenty feet below and let my head drop back on the roof once more with a sigh.

 

“I am in a small cemetery on top of the mausoleum, with a rabid ghost dog trying to eat me!” I stated, trying my best to laugh it off but my hands were starting to throb. “And I managed to slice my hands up.” 

 

“You did what?” I heard Sam's voice snap from behind Dean as they made their way through the forest. “We're coming towards you, I've got your phone pinged on my GPS.”

 

“That's wonderful, you don't happen to have a first-aid kit with you do you, I think I'm going to need a tetanus shot.” I groaned and listened to both men rumble with attitude. “Just be careful of this dog, it's not  _ the _ hound and it sure as hell ain't a hellhound. I don't know what we got going on here but it's covered in blood.”

 

“Yeah, just stay put,” Dean snarked and, oh, how I wanted to hit him, but I knew he was trying to lighten the mood. “We should be there shortly, we're coming up on the wall now.”

 

I let the phone rest on my stomach as I held my hands up in the air the best I could but I could almost feel my fingers going numb. The only good thing about holding them this way was the bleeding with stopping.

 

~~~~~

 

It didn't take long for the boys to find me, but it took them long enough to get me off damn roof. Dean climbed up using Sam to give him a boost, and sat at the edge of the roof as he wrapped his handkerchief around my hands. He never took his eyes off my face, even though I avoided his at all cost.

 

“What were you thinking?” He asked quietly his breath against my ear as he held both of my hands in the palm of his, one underneath and one above. I swallowed hard, close my eyes and took a deep breath. “You could have gotten hurt, a lot worse than you did, what in the world possessed you to walk off like that?”

 

I open my eyes at this, and turned look at him. “You're the one that walked away first, where exactly did you go?”

 

“I didn't,” Dean closest mouth quickly his lips going tight, “I didn't walk away from you, if that's what you're thinking. I thought I saw something in the trees, so I went to investigate. I would never leave you like that, Ali, you know that?” But the way that he said that last part seemed more like a question, as if he weren't sure that I knew he would always be there to protect me. My eyes went to his and I slip to hand out of his grasp to run the back of my fingers on his cheek, over the stubble of his unshaven jaw. “You know I can't lose you.”

 

“Then we better figure out what the hell is going on here, because with you being as pissed as you were earlier, I don't know if I can stick around for that.” I said softly and scooted to the edge of the roof. I heard him sigh, scoot down as well, and then he jumped. Looking over the edge, I saw both Winchester's looking up at me, both of them ready to catch me as I place my hurting hands against the edge, and jumped.

 

Once my feet are planted firmly on the ground, I felt Sam's hand at my back and Dean's wrapped around my wrist, as we made a beeline for the road. Surprisingly, with as much time as we spent in the woods, we weren't that far from the Impala when we emerged.

 

When all of the weapons and the bags were stashed in the back of the trunk, Dean looked in on me as I sat behind the driver seat and he crawled in behind the wheel.

 

“You got this? Not feeling any effects of the blood loss, are you?” He questioned and I rolled my eyes.

 

“Yeah Dean, I'm fine, and no I'm not going to throw up in your car!” And I watched as a smile across his face and he got in and close the door behind him. Sam turned in the seat as he closed his own door, and with the rumble of the engine the three of us are on the road again.

 

~~~~~

 

I felt the sting of the hydrogen peroxide as Sam held my hand over the sink and dumped the nefarious liquid down over the cut. He stood in front of me watching my face pale as the pain flash through me, but it was a man behind, his arms wrapped around my waist, that was evidently holding me up.

 

I growled that Sam, who had a slight smile on his face before he grabbed my other hand and did the same. He was now onto the next part, which was dragging me out to the living room to sit me on the bed as he pulled up a chair in front of me, grabbed the lamp from the end table and held it up so that he could see the little shards of glass still embedded in the skin.

 

I was able to lay down, my legs hanging off the edge of the bed, bent at the knee, as he rested my hand and most of my arm across his thighs, using the small tweezers to get every little speck of glass out. But as I lay there I closed my eyes, and put the other free arm over my forehead.

 

“Okay, so not a hellhound, not the Hound of Goshen, but definitely something supernatural.” I thought out loud but that was when I heard Dean snicker in the corner as he typed away on the computer. I open my eyes and turn my head in his direction. “What are you laughing at?”

 

“Well you know, tearing something to shreds like the way those bodies were, should have put supernatural at the very beginning of that list.” Dean said sarcastically, and looked over at me just passed Sam. “So we got not a local legend, not Crowley's pet, and a German Shepherd?”

 

“Yeah, I'm kind of finding it a little hard to believe myself,” I replied and let out a breath before I turned on the bed not moving my hand from Sam's lap but so that I could see Dean better. “Hey, why you're on there, look up the name Terrence, that was crypt that it caught me in?”

 

“Terrance?” Dean said softly to himself as he typed it into the computer, but looked at me quickly as I hissed at Sam, who had just removed a large piece of glass. I glanced at him, taking my eyes off Sam for just a second and watch Dean go back to the screen.

 

Sam reached up, and with the tip of his finger turned my face so that I was looking right at him. I saw the smile form in his eyes before it reached his lips and his gaze move back to my hand. I lay there staring at Sam for awhile, just to see his expression, while he concentrated on the cuts.

 

He had just finished putting a few stitches into the deeper parts of my palm, which strangely enough I don't remember feeling, when Dean cleared his throat and turned in his chair, placing his arm on the back of the head rest.

 

He waited until Sam put the gauze over my palm and wrapped it tightly, a gesture that made me wince in pain, before he turned in the seat to look at his brother.

 

“What do you got?” Sam asked, as he picked up the supplies and headed towards the bathroom to disinfect everything so that he could start again on the other hand, but I didn't move, I just watched.

 

“According to this, the Terrence family were one of the more prominent ones to settle this area in the early years of the town, but with the powder trade coming in, something came up.” It was weird to see Dean doing the research, not that he couldn’t or didn’t but to actually see him sitting where Sammy usually did. “Looks like the family died off of some mysterious illness before the town had its first major boom.  Can’t be coincidence, right? I mean, there’s not such thing as a coincidence.”

“Depends, did they have a dog?”  I laughed and lay flat on the bed, hoping that he said no, but as I stared at the ceiling, the silence was not convincing.  I closed my eyes tightly and turned my head, just my head to look at him. He was scanning me over, his eyes going from mine to the way my knees bent and back to capture my gaze as I raised a brow. “Did they have a dog?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly as his eyes snapped away from mine, and my mouth suddenly went dry. Anger, lust, whatever the hell was playing with my emotions could stop at any time now, especially when it concerned that one.  Not that I Iusted after him, but I could feel the need to touch him just ramp up a thousand points and it made me shake. “Actually, they did,” he turned the screen to show me an old black and white of the family, mother, father, four kids, and a dog that basically would have dwarfed Terrence if it stood on its hind paws. “Is that your puppy?”

I sat up slowly on the bed, my eyes locked on the computer screen, as my heart pounded in my chest. Before I knew it, his hands were on my face, thumbs running along my cheekbones, but in my vision all I could see was the blood on its paws, and the way its teeth bared, still stained with the crimson color of its last victim.

I blinked away the images as the computer top slammed shut and my eyes immediately focused on Sam, whose eyes were creased with worry and parting my lips to catch a breath, I turned to Dean, who was kneeling between my legs, hands still on my face. The anger that we had been passing back and forth seemed to disappear the instant our eyes made contact.

“Ali,” he whispered, it was so light that I almost didn’t hear it, and if it weren’t for his lips moving, I would have never known where the name had come from.

“That’s it,” I answered back and swallowed, “yeah, that’s it.”

“God, you got so pale,” his voice was gentle and I closed my eyes as he straightened, bringing himself to the height he would be on his knees, which brought us eye to eye and suddenly his lips were against my forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me? That thing could have killed you.”

“I told you it was trying to eat me!” I replied, but did it with a smile as he huffed against me, almost to the point where the air movement alone could have blown back my hair. He backed away quickly, moved a hand from my face and ran it through the hair at my temple only to tangle in the back so that he was holding me still.

“You’re not allowed out of my sight!” He snapped and I smiled, licking my lips as I glanced past him to Sam.

“I, ah, might need to be for a little while,” and Dean only rolled his eyes as he slowly leaned back on his heels.

“Yeah, I get that,” he winked, “on that one, Sammy will take care of you.” He took a deep breath, looked me over once more before staring me in the eyes and I watched his chest puff up before he got to his feet and let me go. Kissing me quickly on the head, he moved back to his seat at the table and cleared his throat. “Okay, so we have our ghost dog,” and with that, he looked over at the two of us again, “ghost dog, really?”

Sam smiled as he pulled the chair closer again and held out the palm of his hand, to which I rested my right hand palm up and winced as he removed the gauze that he had carefully applied in the bathroom.

Dean grumbled as he continued his research, this time on how to stop a ghost dog from attacking.  I could have told him it was just a vengeful spirit but there was no telling Dean Winchester anything. 

“Going out for a smoke,” he barked as he pushed the chair back and huffed, before he grabbed the pack from the table, swung open the door and stepped out into the night.

Sam looked up at me, as he picked the last of the glass from my hand and looked over the wound. “I don’t think this one needs stitches,” he whispered but his thumb stroked along the meat right under mine, and the sensation brought back a surge of memories, and the feelings that came racing to the surface.  I watched the strange reaction to it cross Sam’s face and I wondered just what had gone through his mind as he spoke. “What happened to us?”

“Honestly, I haven’t remembered that far yet,” I whispered and moved closer to the edge, closer to him as he leaned down, placing his forehead to mine. “I wish I knew how it ended, how I ended up where I was when I  _ woke up  _ again.”

“Ali, I feel,” Sam stopped, took a breath and stared at me with those eyes, as my heart flutter in my chest. “I feel something… something so strong that I don’t understand it.  I’ve seen things, like us together, but I’ve seen us apart and I remember the empty feeling of not being with you.”

“Us apart?” I questioned and closed my eyes.

“Why weren’t we together?”  I watched the hardness, the devil-may-care darkness fade from his face, not the first time since we met, again, but this time he opened up, for the first time in possibly months. “ _ IF _ I feel so much for you, why weren’t we together?”

“I asked you to help your brother,” I admitted and felt him shift back, “demons were coming after Danni, you and Dean were her only protection.”

“If they were coming after her, and Dean was there, why would I leave you?” He suddenly moved closer, knitting our legs together like a puzzle before his hands found their way to my neck, resting gently on the slope of it. “Why would I leave to protect someone else?”

“Because I wasn’t without my own powers,” I admitted and watched the strange light in his eyes. “What?” I saw the memory come to him, the way that his eyes darkened over as they shifted back and forth, not seeing me anymore but what was going on in his mind, “what do you see, Sam?”

“A hotel room,” he whispered, and his lids fluttered shut, “Dean’s on the phone, screaming that demons are coming after them but I had to stay with you, I had to make sure I got you home safe, but you said no.”

“Not going to happen,” I whispered and watched his eyes come up to mine, “I told you that you had to help your brother, that it was very important to keep Danni safe.  Yeah, I told you to go.”

“And I listened?” The anger within himself, at himself became evident on his face as he shook his head, his fingers gently caressing the side of my face as his brows furrowed and a pained look crossed his eyes. “I loved you! I needed to protect you and you sent me with  _ CAS _ !” I felt the lump in my throat rise as the tears began to well up. “Ali, why would you do that? Didn’t you want me?”

“I wanted, I  _ want _ you more than you could ever know, and when you remember what happens next, Sam, you’ll understand that it was the only way.” His chest rose and feel as the memories bombarded him, and I just sat there, still, letting it happen, because I knew everything that happened up to a point, up until that one little spot, and I watched his eyes grow wide. “It started all over with one little line.  _ We got a lead on Dad, in Virginia…” _

Sam swallowed hard, but licked his lips as he finished my sentence, “Danni and Dean are waiting there for us now.”

I nodded at him, he knew everything that he could now, I could see it in his eyes. The man staring back at me  _ was _ my Sam, the one that had met me at the door in June, had lifted me into his arms and kissed me passionately. He was the one who loved me, who accepted every side of me, who knew what I was, a witch, a hunter, a survivor, and he knew that I would put nothing before my family.

His kiss was soft as he brought me to him, soft enough to say hello, soft enough to never say goodbye, to makeup for all the kisses he had missed, for all the ones he had stolen in the past. It was just enough to tell me he missed me, more than enough to tell me that he loved me, and never enough to feel his touch. But when he broke away, when he sat back enough to lean his forehead against mine, he said the words that I had hoped Dean would say soon.  I just never expected them from Sam.

“I remember Danni too.” 


	19. DH Remembrance Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Caution: Contents Under Pressure

“What?” I questioned, my voice low and unsure, since I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right at all.

“I remember Danni,” he repeated, but I knew I had heard him the first time, I just wasn’t sure I had heard him  _ right _ .

“You remember Danni, how exactly do you remember her?” I wasn’t saying it like in total disbelief, but with fascination, because Dean didn’t have a freaking clue and here Sam was remembering her? 

“Bossy,” he said with a smile and this made me blink just a few times, yeah that wasn’t the first word that came to my mind when I thought about the woman who had become my older sister, but apparently, for him that was it. “And stubborn and downright dangerous when she wanted to be, actually, she reminds me of you.”

And that was when a memory slide to the forefront. 

_ “If you’re coming, pack your shit, I’m leaving in 20 minutes.” Danni barked at Dean and I licked my lips as she walked by before biting down on my lower one. I looked up at Dean trying to hide my smile. _

_ “Jesus, you would never know that you two weren’t really related,” he stated, his eyes coming down to mine as he moved over to take the seat she just vacated. “She’s just as pigheaded as you are.” _

“Yeah, I could see how you would get that,” I grinned and Sam took me by the fingers, he glanced outside, making note of where his brother was before he moved to sit beside me on the bed, giving him a better vantage point so that he could see Dean without the older one knowing he was looking out for him. “Danni was tough, is tough, and yeah, you and her kind of clashed when you first met.”

“I remember,” he laughed, an honest laugh because he could say that without lying, because he truly did remember. “She didn’t trust me, not with you, she always had to protect you, even from him,” his eyes went to Dean for a moment before they came back down to me. “You know that right, that your sister was always putting you first, even when you pushed us to do just that, when you ordered Dean, when you told me to go?” 

He paused for a moment, his eyes getting hard as he thought back to that moment at the bunker, something I had been told about but he had never really discussed. I closed my fingers around his hand the best I could, watched him take a deep breath as he clenched his jaw. Apparently, emotions weren’t as easy for this Winchester as I thought, Sam had always been open about things with me but this, apparently, this was something that was hard for him to do.

 

“When we got back to the bunker, the first thing I did was hop out of the car. There was no way I was going to be able to stay there, not with Danni. I was pissed. I just wanted to run because I didn't get it.” He turned to me, glanced into my eyes inside before he turned back to look at our fingers. “Why did I have to be there, why did I have to help protect her, when I  _ needed _ to protect you? I didn't get why you sent me away, I didn't care to understand why I just wanted you back. I went to my room, slam the door, and locked Cas out. I know he wanted to talk to me, he wanted to tell me that he was going back to you but I didn’t even care, because he wasn't taking me.

 

“It felt like forever pacing around the bedroom, but I know it wasn't that long at all. It was just me fuming. I didn't understand Ali, I didn't get why you had sent me away.” He was repeating himself getting quite flustered as he tried to get his thoughts in order, but I knew that the memories were coming so fast that he was having issues keeping up with them. I knew he needed some way to focus, and I moved from the bed, stood in front of him and pushed him back as I straddled his lap. His hands came down to wrap around my waist and I felt the fingers at the small of my back. He licked his lips focusing on my eyes, and it seemed to help him as he took a breath. “So yeah, I was pretty upset. I mean, you didn't tell me why so I was left there just stewing in my own juices.

 

“I got so mad, and I was so blind, I couldn't see that there were bigger things going on, I just knew that I had to get back to you and I couldn't.” I ran my finger along Sam's cheek trying to get his heart rate to go down as I watched it thump against his neck. “I was supposed to get you home safe, and I was sitting in my room, drinking. I even stole a bottle of Jack from Dean’s room, and I think I was halfway through it, when the door burst open, and this little, fiery redhead burst in, slamming the door against the wall. Ali, she was pissed, worse than I was! I mean, she was literally fuming, I was waiting for smoke detectors to go off.” And he laughs as he said it but I knew that he was serious. “She let in on me and I don't think I've ever heard anyone drop the bomb as much as she did in the first sentence. She wanted to know  _ why _ I was there, she wanted to know  _ why _ I wasn't with you, she wanted to know  _ why _ you weren't here with us.

 

“I had no answers, they were all the questions that I need to know but I had none of the answers. She said it was _our_ fault that we were here and you weren’t. Our fault that she was in this situation, but I know they were just words, just angry, spiteful words. I was supposed to be her little brother, that's what she said to me, I was supposed to be the one to protect you when she couldn't. So why was I there? That's what she asked me, _why was I there_ , and how can I tell her that you were the one that sent me, that you were the one that put her first, I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't do that to you!” Sam took a deep breath close his eyes for a second, and just let me feel the way his body move under my hands, has he tried to get himself under control. “Dean ended up in the doorway, just to make sure that things didn't get out of hand, but I don't think he expected her to do what she did next. She let in on him.

 

“She wanted to know why, with whatever connection Dean had with you, that he allowed me to leave you.” Sam laughed. “Imagine that, Dean  _ allowing _ me to do anything, I'm grown man I can do what I want, but she didn't see it that way. What she saw was Dean, who had been putting on this  _ need _ , who had been trying to convince her that this connection was something both of you needed, and he was just standing there. So where was that connection? Where is that need to have you close? And he answered her, he answered both of us.

 

“You made him promise Ali, you made him promise to put Danni first. Did you even notice the way he looked at her? The way that his eyes would go from you to her when you weren't looking, or even the way he stared, when she thought he wasn't looking. You made him promise to do the very thing he would have done no matter what, you made him promise to put her first above you, above the very person that he swore to protect.”

 

I slid off of Sam's lap at those words. I knew that I had asked Dean to do some pretty heavy stuff but to watch Sam's reaction to it, to see Sam's perspective on it made my heart race. Had I put Dean in danger when I asked him to do that? I didn't think so. But maybe it wasn't his physical being that was in harm's way, maybe it was his emotional state that I was putting on a track for collision course with whatever fate happened to be.

 

As Sam's word sunk in, I couldn't help but wonder about the emotions that Dean had going on at that very moment. When we met this time, it had been intense, so much so that he kissed me twice, that he promised that when we found out what happened to Danni, when we got Sam back, that we would figure out what was going on between the two of us. But now with Sam's words, I wondered if that emotional bond that we shared was something that thing we never really had, that it was something more. I turned back to him, letting him know that I needed him to continue, to tell me just what it happened next without even saying a word.

 

Sam was able to gather his control as he leaned his elbows on his knees and folded his fingers together in front of him. He eyed floor for a moment, before taking a deep breath in and looking up at me.

 

“She was so confused, I think all three of us were. You were there in our lives, you had taken over every aspect of every day for the last week, and then suddenly you were gone. Gone, Ali! How do we live with that? I mean, I know you aren't really gone, you are just a phone call away, but at that point in time it's sunk in. From the moment we looked into each other's eyes, at the diner you were  _ mine _ , you were  _ Dean's _ . And I know that connection was there with Danni so long ago, so what did we do with this empty space in our hearts, with this void that you left when suddenly you decided…  _ you _ , not us, you decided it would be better if the three of us were together and you took on the world by yourself.

 

“By the end of it, none of us had any answers, and we had more questions than we knew what to do with. Dean went and got Danni and drink, but he laced it.” This made me bring my eyes up to meet his, I knew that he had given her something, I remember that night. The phone call Sam had made not two hours or so into the drive home with Cas, I remember Sam saying that Dean had given Danni a Xanax. Against medical advice. I took a deep breath and stuff my hands the best I could in my pockets, quickly being reminded that the stitches in one of them made for a rather difficult time. “When she was out, when she was finally asleep, Dean went off. He was pissed, Ali, we all were.”

 

“Yeah I get that from listening to you Sam, I get that all three of you were pissed at a decision that I made, but I never got to tell you my side of it, I never got to tell you why I made that decision to begin with.” And I rolled my eyes because of course that was a moment that Dean decided that he was going to grace us with his presence.

 

“What did I miss?” Dean asked as he sat down behind the computer once again, looking between two of us, and pretty sure he noticed the tension that Sam and I were bringing to the surface, but he just kind of gave a shrug and started typing. “Are we talking about the bunker?”

 

“Yeah we're talking about the bunker,” Sam replied and Dean's fingers stilled on the keyboard before he turned and glanced up at me. “And we were just about to get to the point where Ali is going to tell us why she had Cas bring all three of us there. Why she sent me away instead of letting me take her home, and exactly what happened before that decision was made.”

 

“Okay, so let's hear it, let's hear the big reason behind it!” Dean snapped and I walked over and close the door, before I turned back and looked at them crossing my arms over my chest. Way to feel attacked! And I took a deep breath. God could I even remember this right, I mean it was April, and how long ago is that? Grr, I was not a fan of any Winchester right at this moment.

 

“Okay fine, I'll let you know exactly what happened that night, and then the two of you can make up your mind on whether or not this little trip continues.” I grabbed the chair beside the table and turned it, looking back and forth between them, I took a deep breath and got ready to figure out exactly how to explain what happened that night to the boys without losing them. “It was John.” I waited for their expressions to change and change they did, Sam's got a pale look of disbelief on his, and Dean's lips turn to scowl at the mention of his father, but I went on. “It was that night at the hotel, the last night before we headed back to home, somewhere in London. Sam was sleeping and I woke up because I swore somebody was in the room with us, I wasn't wrong. He was standing in the corner like some creepy peeping Tom, and his eyes were bright yellow. I went to grab the Spectrum blade, but he just shook his head and stepped out. I could hear him in my head not out loud and he told me that he wasn't going to harm me.”

 

“And you believed him?” Dean snapped, “a demon, in your room, and you trusted him?”

 

“And almost word-for-word that's exactly what I told him, but while I was looking at the demon, I was listening to John. I was listening to John's voice in my head and it was strange because I knew I could trust him at that point just buy one simple comment.  _ I saved your life once what would be the point of ending it now _ , and yeah that kind of hit me. He told me he came to warm me, and yes Dean, I asked? Warn me about what, a demon in my room, Crowley up to no good, maybe the fact that he was a prince? But all he wanted to tell me was that Danni was in trouble.”

 

“Dad told you Danni was in trouble?” Dean said in disbelief and I turned to look at him.

 

“John said that her life was in danger, and that you needed Sam!”

 

“And you believed him?” Dean snapped again. “Ali, of all the pinheaded things you've ever done, why the hell would you ever believe a demon?”

 

“Look seriously, you wanted to know the explanation for this! I don't need to stand here and listen to you question what I did, why I did it, and why it doesn’t matter now anyway because the outcome still is the same. Sam went to you! He told me that the demons were coming for the two of you he told me that I needed to let Sam go to make sure that Danni remains safe!”

 

“So did he tell you why?” Sam asked drawing my attention to him in my eyes landed on his blue green ones. I stood shocked for a moment, because it never really dawned on me to ask why, and I shook my head. “So in all this, you sent me to Dean because my father told you to, and you never bothered to ask why Danni was in danger? You never thought to ask why she needed to be safe, and not you?”

 

“You know what, this is what I got from the memories, that at some point in time, it stopped being all about me and the focus shifted to Danni.” I snapped, stood up from the chair. I paced the room with my eyes closed, trying to gather my thoughts, and then quietly I turned back to them. “I didn't ask why, because I didn't need to. I don't know how much the two of you remember, Sam, I know you remember Danni, and Dean I know you remember something, but I don't think you remember all of it. It shifted. It shifted from me needing your protection, to Danni needing to be protected. That's all I was ever concerned about, keeping her safe, keeping the both of you safe. And if that meant putting all three of you in the same goddamn place at the same goddamn time, then so be it. I'm not going to justify my actions of keeping my family alive, I don't need to.”

 

And with that I turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me.

 

~~~~~

I wasn’t out much past the tail end of the Impala when I listened to the door behind me open and I growled under my breath. Five freaking minutes, that’s all i asked for… okay, so I didn’t ask, but I assumed me slamming the door shut would indicate to them that i really needed time alone. I guess not, but I wasn’t stopping, at least not on my own.

Those boots approached fast, but my name on his lips was faster. “Ali!”

Dean’s stop and pay attention to me voice was in full on “do what I say” mode, not that snapping at me was going to get him anywhere because that was a command to stop, and I had no intention to. But when his hand wrapped around my upper arm, and I turned, I did so swinging, with a balled fist and all.

I was fast, but he was faster and caught my wrist, wrapping his fingers around every part of it. “I told you, Porter, you swing at me again, and I’ll knock you on your ass.”

“I’m still standing, Winchester, so go ahead and give it your best shot!” I snarled through clenched teeth, wanting him to, daring him to make a move, but all he managed to do was drag me in closer, pressing his hand against my back.

“Now, Sammy might still be getting you, and has memories of Danni but I know you, Porter.” He glared at me as I fought against this hold, but my loose hand came up and grab his shirt. “I know that look, the one where you're about to haul off and do something stupid but just stop!”

 

“Let me go Dean!” I fought against him once more, trying to break loose, looking stronger and his fingers spread wide on my back. “Just,” I paused, “let me go.”

 

His eyes darkened as a memory unfolding, one of him and I and he blink back the emotions as his grip faltered, his hands slide lower but not to be intimate, it was just resting their his thumb locked in the belt loop of my jeans.

 

“Jesus,” he whispered and suddenly I was being pulled close again, “what happened to you?”

 

“What did you see?” I whispered softly unclenching my fists, as I reached up and touched his cheek. Watching the uncertainty grow in his eyes.

“Cuts and bruises and I swear Danni punched you.” His own words stopped him as he blinked. “Danni... she told me she had to choose, that when it was done, it was us it was over. Christ, Ali, what happened?”

I close my eyes and press my lips to the hand holding my wrist. “I wish I knew but a lot of it I'm still in the dark about. The memories of June, I'm assuming it's June, that's when they said I had another breakdown.”

Memories of John, and that night that he died, came flying back at me. And I shivered against him. Yeah I already knew how that act played out, I close my eyes, trying to slow that onslaught of new memories, and press my forehead against Dean's chest, releasing him to slip my hand between his shirts and around his waist.

“I hate to break up this lovely moment,” Sam interrupted and I had to smile, because there was just that bit of mischief in his voice that told me he didn’t hate it at all, “your phone rang.” I pushed away from Dean to see Sam holding the cell out to his brother, “I’m going to guess it was your contact.  Nice guy, by the way.”

“Why?” Dean questioned, taking the phone as he released me all together, and I watched Sam’s eyes harden in possessive darkness when he glanced at me and then raised a brow at Dean. “What did he say?”

Sam took a deep breath, pointed at the phone and clenched his teeth, “let’s just say, he touches her,” and with that he did a small gesture in my direction but locked eyes on Dean, “and I’ll kill him.”

Dean watched as Sam didn’t look back, in fact, without a second glance in my direction, the younger Winchester made a beeline for the room as Dean turned and looked on. Bringing his green eyes back to mine, I stood fascinated by Sam’s sudden reaction to whatever the hunter had said to him, before I met Dean’s stare.

“Should I?” I questioned, and watched the grin grow on Dean’s face, completely amused by the events that had just taken place. “Yeah, I probably should,” and I patted him on the arm as I followed suit, stepping into the room where Sam paced furiously.  “Hey!”

He stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of my voice, but his hands clenched at his sides and I watched the way his shoulders rose and fell with the breaths that he was taking to control his anger.

“Now’s not the best time, Al,” he whispered, well more like snarled through his teeth and I moved slowly up behind him. When i was close enough, I placed my hands low on his back, one on each side of his spine and raised them up, running the length of him, until I stopped just below his shoulders. “Please, don’t. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“And there are those words again,” I smiled and pushed at him. Sam, completely caught off guard by the suddenly shove, moved his feet before catching his balance. I knew I was playing with fire, but dammit if it wasn’t fun. Sam tensed up when I placed my hands on his back once again, this time not moving when I shoved at him playfully, “Oh, come on, Sam, give me a chance.”

“Ali, it’s not…”

“If you say it’s not safe,” I whispered as I brought my hands down on his hips, fingers tracing the hipbones that his low rise jeans exposed, “I’m going to do so much worse to you than your imagination is letting on, so move it, sport!”

“Where are we going?” there was curiosity in his voice, but the threat of violence was still there, still just under the surface.

“Just to the bathroom, and don’t get any funny ideas.” I answered and stepped forward, pushing at him as I did and felt him move. 

“You’re taking me to the bathroom, I’ve got all sorts of funny ideas,” he replied  and I heard the smile in his words as we both stepped into the small room and I closed the door, before turning him face him. Sam leaned against the wall, I could still see the seething anger in his eyes as I reached out for his shirt, but his hands were instantly on mine. “I thought you said no funny ideas, and that, right now, is not funny… not a good idea at all.”

“I know you think you could hurt me, and I know you think you know what’s going to happen, but it’s not, Sam, can you just trust me when I say, this isn’t what you think?” I whispered, taking that one small step closer, hoping he had remembered enough to know that I would never do anything that would hurt him. He slowly lowered his hands, surrendering to me as they stayed clenched by his side. “You have to say it out loud, Sam, you have to tell me you trust me.”

“I,” he paused, swallowed and put his head back against the wall, letting go of every defense he had, “I trust you.”

Taking a slow breath in, I reached for the hem of his shirt, and slipped my fingers underneath. There was something I was searching for, and found it without issue. I moved to tuck his shirt up, rolling the hem so that it rested up under his chest, exposing his stomach and the lower part of his ribs. His eye followed my movements, as I pushed the extra material of his overshirt aside, so that I could see the scarred flesh before me. 

I had felt it before, the remains of the wound left by the vampire, but I hadn’t seen it for a while, not that I wouldn’t recognize it, but with shaky fingers, I reached out and traced the area, remembering the way the tape had felt as I pressed it against his skin, the feel of the gauze over it as it protected the stitches and I felt Sam’s muscles clench at my touch.

His hand relaxed, and he moved to reach out, but he stayed his motion, curled his fingers back together and let his arms fall as I moved down, fingers running the width of the top of his jeans before I followed that line of soft, black hair to the edge of the scar.

“Do you know how scared I was when I was sewing you up? How worried I was that I had been too late, that you had lost too much blood?” I glanced up at his closed eyes, the way the feeling of my touch seemed to wash the anger from him, and though I was tempted to brush my hand ever so innocently over the shape of him, tucked not so secretly away in his jeans, I held that need back, as I put my free hand on his hip and continued to travel down the scar.  “I needed to stay for you, needed to see you open your eyes, and the need to stay turned into a want. I wanted to stay because you became part of me, just that little bit of time watching over you and I couldn’t see my life without you in it. I needed to protect you, Sam, and I knew there would never be a moment that I would ever regret that decision. You would never hurt me.”

“How can you be so sure?” He sighed, and I felt his fingers brush my hair, just lightly enough to let me know they were there. I looked up at him as his eyes open and he glanced down at me staring with lowered lids. “how could you have ever been so sure, you knew nothing about me when this started, you don't know how I am now.”

“Oh, I know you Sam Winchester, and no matter what we go through, no matter the pain, the heartache, there's always still that one part of us that never changes.” I whispered as I push closer to him, placing both my hands on his bare skin as I ran them up and under the shirt, letting my fingers feel the beat of his heart beneath them. “It's what we feel in here for the ones that we love that never changes, you've never hurt me no matter how much you think you have, and you never will.”

“I've told you what I've done in the past, how can you know that I haven't become that again?”

“Those in your past, those women, they weren't me, Sam.” I watched his lip turn up in the grin as if to say how could I possibly know what those women were to him, how could I be so cocky? But when his hand came down and his fingers ran over the slope of my neck, I knew that I had gotten the answer I needed. Sam knew just what we meant to each other, but I wasn't pushing any further. I took a step back, leaned against the sink, and took my hands from his skin, placing them on the porcelain behind me. “What did this guy say that had you so pissed off?”

He stepped closer to me, put his hands on either side of the sink and looked down on me with just a bit of smug smile before he gave just a little shake of his head. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t share.”

He moved without another word and opening the door, and I watched as he glanced back at me. “What about Dean?”

“Dean’s my brother,” Sam shrugged and stepped out of sight.  I crossed my arms over my chest and thought for a second before I followed him out.

“You’ll share me with Dean…” and that was when I stopped dead in my tracks, looking at the wide eyes of the older Winchester as he stood by the table, just about ready to drop the keys, and yeah, that look was total shock as Sam’s sly grin was now a full smile that reached his mischievous eyes. “Ah, crap!”

“I’m sorry…” Dean spoke up, his eyes going from mine to Sam as he shifted nervously in his spot, “we’re sharing what?”

“I told her I don’t share,” Sam growled but the playful smile still curled that beautiful mouth and I watched Dean straighten before he went to walk by Sam. He stopped, looked at his brother, and something happened, something that was a barely noticeable narrowing of both eyes before Dean glanced at me and that Cheshire grin grew. 

“Well, you should!” Dean scolded as he continued his walk to the bathroom, stopping this time to eye me over before he fully passed. “You should always share you play things, Sammy, I thought I taught you better than that.”

“Like I was telling her, only with you.” My eyes went wide as Sam’s locked down on mine, and I felt Dean slap me solidly on the ass.

“As long as you keep it in the family, Sammy, that’s all that matters.” Dean laughed before he closed the door.

“Christ!” I snapped and looked between the bathroom door and the man who was now sitting on the bed, “that’s so not funny!”

“Totally is!” Dean laughed behind the door, and added a maniacal one in behind it as well.

“You do realize that you just told your brother you’d let him sleep with me.” I stated to Sam who looked up and shook his head.

“Oh no, sex is completely out of the question,” the blue-green eyed one said with all seriousness as he slipped on his other shoe and then reached out and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me between his legs as his hand snaked up the underside of my shirt. “Anything else is fair game.”

“You’re both perverts!” I replied, but I could see the way he laughed, the way that, yeah, this was all a game to get me going, and I slapped his hands down, stepping back from him as Dean came out of the bathroom washing his hands. “Perverts!”

I found a spot at the table, grabbed my journal and looked between the two of them as Dean grabbed the other chair and turned to Sam while he switched out his sneakers, ones that I wasn’t aware he was wearing, to the hiking boots that he used in for the tryst in the woods earlier.

“So, what did Trevers want?” Sam growled, the name of the hunter leaving a sour taste on his lips, but I just went back to scribbling down things in the book as the two of them talked.

“Told him what we got on the Terrence family,” Dean spoke up, his voice muffled as he tied his boot, but he looked up at Sam and continued, “said that the lore goes, the family died of a strange illness, but the medical records that the county keeps, and by the way they’re OCD about the historical ones being preserved, so Trevers got a good look at them, said that the cause of death was… get this, asphyxiation.”

“They were strangled?”  Sam questioned. 

“Looks like a quick stop after a sudden drop.” Dean shrugged and my eyes went up to him, curious about the blunt nature of the reply, but then again this was Dean. “Records also indicated occlusion on three of the four kids.”  

“Drowning?” I added and both the boys looked at me. “What about the last one? The oldest boy.”

“How old?” Sam watched as I grabbed the laptop and opened it to the page that Dean had on earlier, looking through the sight, I shook my head.

“Fourteen at the time of the picture,” I shrugged, my eyes going to Dean. “So, nothing on him?”

“Nothing as far as a reason for an early flight north,” he replied as he finished his shoe and stood up. 

“A little odd, don’t you think? I mean, if you’re going to murder a whole family, don’t you think that would include the WHOLE family?” I watched as Sam made this  _ she has a point _ face to Dean and he replied with a general  _ whatever _ before standing up. “So this Trevers guy never found anything on the oldest son?”

“Apparently not,” Dean went over to the cooler and grabbed a beer out, twisting the top easily. “But that doesn’t explain the dog.”

“Actually, it might,” Sam moved over to look at the picture better. “Maybe our hound wasn’t protecting the family vault, maybe it was getting revenge.”

“Someone summoned a dog’s spirit from the grave, for what? To eat people jogging by?” 

“They weren’t just people,” I interrupted and brought up a file that just popped through on Sam’s email… from Jones??? “According to this, they were all descendants of Josiah Terrence, the oldest son.”

“Okay, so John-boy kills his family and goes off and has babies, and now what, the Hound of the Baskervilles is after his grandkids?”  Dean broke it down in terms that Dean understood as Sam gave him just a little shrug of his shoulders. “Why?”

“What would you do for a Klondike bar?” I asked out loud, which got both the boys to look at me, before I pointed at the news “article” that I pulled up on the screen. “The Terrence property, one of the last standing homesteads of the town’s early history, was scheduled for renovation today when long time deed owner, Morgan Dulak, believed to be the last living descendant of Phillip Terrance, died suddenly this morning when his service dog attacked him.”

“Which pretty much kiboshed on the renovation,” Sam spoke up.

“And the vultures came out of the woodwork, nice, free snacks for the puppy.” Dean rolled his eyes, “who summoned the dog?”

“Alexander Howlette.” I answered and shrugged, “last living heir to the Terrence estate arrived today to claim the property title. Plans for the renovations on the homestead are unknown.”

“So, if he’s the last one, shouldn’t the dog go away?”

“If someone raised you from the dead, made you kill a lot of people, three guesses what you would do before you go back to the grave?” I raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah, that kid’s puppy chow,” Dean grabbed his gun and tucked it into the back of his jeans, “let’s go find this loser and take care of this so we can get out of here.”

I stood and grabbed my jacket as Sam tucked his gun away and shut the computer. “What’s the matter, not liking this little gunpowder parade?”

“Starting to not like your jokes!” Dean snarked at me and placed a hand on my back, pushing me out the door as I smiled, grabbing the first-in bag before Sam closed the door behind me.

I guess we’re going on a monster hunt.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Lady and the Tramp

 

How much fun do you think you can have sitting in a blacked-out Impala in the middle of the night somewhere in between two little towns in the middle or upper part of South Carolina? You know what, I wasn't even sure we were in the upper part of South Carolina at the moment. I did know one thing though, there was a dog out there and it was hungry.

 

The way that Alexander decided to explain what his involvement with the Hound was, he found one of grandpappy's old books, and by old books, I mean yeah, the dude was into witchcraft. So Grandpappy Josiah decided that he was going to put a curse on the house, after he killed his parents and his siblings.

 

You see, Josiah, who was the oldest was actually an illegitimate child, but he was Terrence's illegitimate child not the mother’s, so that still gave him the right to the inheritance that he so richly decided that he was going to keep by killing off the rest of his family.

 

Turns out the dog in the picture we found out was a Caucasian Shepherd, huge massive beast of the thing but it was loyal only to Philip so when Josiah took it upon himself to hang Daddy from the rafters, yeah that didn't set well with that puppy.

 

So the chain around the dog's neck, and by the way dog's name is Rufus funny to say. Makes me think of the old geezer hung around with Bobby all the time. I miss him! Okay back onto the subject at hand. I scribbled it down in my journal... so Rufus wasn't having the best of luck with this whole  _ hey let's kill off the fam thing _ , so Josiah wrapped him with a nice heavy chain around the neck and made the dog watch. Problem was, the dog remembered. Smart dog, stupid kid! So what we have here is what you call Vengeful Spirit material, you can't just let an animal watch, they have the same memory as a person.

 

The issue  was when old Josiah was done with that, he took care of Dad, and Mom right along with him, taking care of the siblings next, and he dragged poor Rufus down the road with that chain around his neck. Yeah that part got me too! So our problem is that we had a vengeful Spirit hellhound or at least one as big as a hellhound who is set on protecting the Terrence vault, so how do you take care of a ghost when you can't find the bones?

 

This is where we are at, we're sitting in the dark lonesome road with to Winchester's in the front seat waiting on a guy may or may not know where the bones are buried. 

 

Sam turned to me in the seat as I held the flashlight, propped up on my shoulder, a little penlight that shouldn't give away our position. And I looked up at him with a grin.

 

“You know dad used to do that all the time, sitting, writing in his journal over and parked. It took me a long time to figure out the value of that stupid book.” He whispered as if you know having all four windows rolled up still wasn't enough protection from her voice is leaking out.

 

“Yeah well this stupid book, this thing help me figure out who the hell I was. It's got everything in here.” I flipped back to the front of the book amazed at the detail that was in there.

 

First thing that came to light when you open the book, was a little pins that were stuck on the inside of the cover. But the very first page what's the Latin inscription for the exorcism, the way you take care of a Demon, and then underneath it was the English words for those of us who couldn't speak Latin or, was told they really need to work on it.

 

Next page was pretty interesting, it was a warning from me, to anyone who happen to pick up this book, where was my head space when I started this? It continued on general breakdown of monsters, vampires, werewolves, even a Djinn in there. Yeah creepy right, moved on to general rules you know don't forget the knives and smiled when I found this one, angels are dicks? Did I meet Castiel at this point?

 

Next up, symbols and sigils. Yeah, this pretty much contained everything you needed to know about any symbol you wanted to draw somewhere. Devil's trap, Angel banishing sigil, I think I even have Henry's time travel one. That one could come in handy should I need to find myself because, it leads you to your own blood.

 

Oh wait, totally forgot about this one, it's a warding sigil, yeah carve this one on your heart and then any place on a building on any piece of property and it's completely warding from anything, the only way the protection comes off is if someone stabs you through the heart. Remind me not to play with that one!

 

Tools of the trade, pretty simple right? Shotguns, shells, salt, lighters, yeah, don't forget the lighters. And I think somewhere in here says Sam and Dean, maybe not, but I should put it in there because that's kind of funny.

 

I looked up at Sam, showing them the entry from April 14th. “This is how we met,” I explained, “this here tells me the beginning of our story. Yours, mine, and Dean’s. When I found this I was kind of half out of it, I mean, I was remembering some things on my own but I found the Impala picture and then found that it was tucked in what happened to be this journal.”

 

“So what it's got our life story in it?” Dean asked as he also turned in his seat.

 

“Dude, you've read this thing front to back, the only life story it's got in it is mine. Or at least the life story of the three of us together and Danni.” I smiled at him, knowing his tone of voice was only because he was itching to get out of the car and hunt something down. “Anyway, this told me what I need to do. That I needed to find you guys fix whatever the hell I screwed up.”

 

“What exactly did you screw up?” Sam asked. But I just shrugged at him, because I still didn't remember.

 

“So here is the problem, it mentions Virginia,” I watched the expression on both boys faces, watch Sam's go pale, and Dean's scowl as he turned in his seat to face away from me. “Yeah that's what I thought too. The thing is I don't remember ever going to Virginia. I remember Sam coming in and saying that Dean and Danni were down there waiting for us already, but that's pretty much it. I don’t remember the trip.”

 

Dean turn back in the seat again curiosity filling his eyes, “so we were all in Virginia, in June?”

 

“Yeah why?” I look between them as the boys exchanged a glance and shook my head. “Guys, come on what the hell?” I watch both of them, I mean really watch them and I knew exactly what happened, I just didn't let them know that I was aware. “Okay, you guys have got to fess up, because if we’re doing this together, I need to know what's going on.”

 

“Dad died in Virginia,” Sam whisper quietly, and I let the breath out with a huff. Yeah that was me, but I couldn't let them see that. And I gave him a soft frown. He obviously didn't want to discuss it because he turned in the seat and faced forward. I took a deep breath, but sat forward as I watched a figure approach, his hands stuffed in his pocket as he came down the road. Looks like that's our guy.

 

Alexander Howlette approach the car cautiously, which would probably be the best decision for him as it was considering the three armed people that's currently sat in her. But as far as he knew, he was meeting Sam and Dean and knew nothing about me.

 

It was funny to see the man's face when I exited back seat of the car, the Walther completely visible tucked into the back of my jeans. He was probably about average height, five foot ten, less than a foot taller than me but boy did my guys have some height on him. There was no way that Alexander would ever be able to outrun Sam, or Dean for that matter, they were athletic and Alex well let's just say the boy could have stood to lose a few pounds.

 

As I leaned against the car, my arms crossed, my eyes vigilant for that stupid dog, I listen to him explain exactly where he thought the bones that were located. Yeah, we were going on a hunt. With the bags packed and ready to go, Sam handed me my first-in backpack and I slung it over my shoulder, the Spectrum blade attached to the belt on my side.

 

Alex led us pass the old Cemetery, and the creepy mausoleum that I had almost gotten eaten in it, down an old back road that was completely covered with grass. It was one of those things that were if you didn't know it was there, you would have missed it kind of drives. And we found ourselves at the back of the old Terrance plantation house, headed to even more run down shacks in the back.

 

Alex led us to the back of the slave quarters, showing us the large slab of rock that was marked with an  _ R _ and both Sam and Dean roll their eyes. I smile that this and cross my arms as I set the pack down.

 

“They thought it was a slave’s grave but there aren't any others on the property, and since they couldn't figure out what to do with the dog after, they figured it would be safe here.”

 

“You need a dog to be safe?” Dean questioned

 

“As part of a ritual, when the grounds are still guarded by it, yeah you've need the bones of the animal to be safe.” I answered and watch the way he looked at me. “What? So, I know a little something about a little something.” I shrugged and watched him grab the shovel. “So sue me.”

 

“Yeah well, grab an end Einstein, we have to get this moved.” He said sarcastically and the four of us managed to dig around it and removing the dirt the held that in place, so we could get the shovels in. Finally it let loose and the boys were able to move the rock, to bring it up on its long side before it fell flat.

 

“So what's the plan?” Alex asked as he looked at the boys but just then there was a growl from behind us, and all three of us pulled our guns. Rufus was standing there, not more than a stone's throw away with eyes locked on Alex. 

 

“My thought would be to haul ass!” I said sternly and looked at the boys as they cocked the guns. 

 

“The mausoleum,” Sam stated and looked at me, “Ali, you and Alex make a break for it, we'll take care of the bones.”

 

“Why do I have to be the bait?” I snapped looking between them.

 

“Because it already has your scent, and you know how to get there!” Dean answered looking at me as if to ask if I was really going to argue, “besides we can dig faster.”

 

“Fine! Whatever!” I snapped and put the slide back on the gun. I looked at Alex, I shook my head. “Try to keep up! And don't get eaten!”

 

“Ali,” Sam spoke up as I look back at him, “be careful.”

 

“Dig fast Winchester, I'm counting on you to save my ass!” I smiled and watched as he winked but as I grab my pack, I looked at Alex and watch Dean approached the dog

 

“Here Fido, here puppy, puppy!” He teased as he distracted the hound off our trail.

 

Alex and I waited only a moment before we ducked back towards the shacks and let the night swallow us up as we raced through the woods. The pudgy boy could move when he needed to save his own backside, but I heard Sam’s whistle, letting me know that it was on its way before we even hit the cemetery wall.

 

“Move faster Howlette!” I yelled and picked up the pace

 

“I'm moving, lady! Really.” He said to me and it made me roll my eyes with how much I hated that name.  _ Lady! _

 

Hopping over the wall, we made a beeline for the vault door, but as we moved we were cut off by the dog. Quickly I made him go around as I fired off a shot. Lead bullets are supposed to make a spirit dissipate right? This one did nothing! It hit the bastard and it kept coming!

 

I pulled out the cell and hit the call button, hearing Sam pick up as the shovels kept digging, before he put it on speaker. “Anytime now Sam!” I snapped

 

“We're digging as fast as we can. How far down is this thing buried?” Dean interrupted.

 

“Ali, move your ass!” Sam growled as he heard the dog in the background.

“Do me a favor, Sam, just freaking burn the damn thing!” I snapped back and finally rounded the corner, stuffing the cell into my pocket as I reached out and grabbed the handle to the vault door. Pudgy McGee was right behind me, his hands closing over mine as we both yanked it open, grabbed at the door from the inside, trying to find a hold but seeing none. “WHO the hell designed a door with no handle on the inside?”

“Someone who didn’t expect the dead people to want to get out!” Alex replied, as I flung the bag from my shoulder and slammed it against the stained glass window on the door. “What the hell are you doing, that’s irreplaceable.” 

Yeah,” I heard the glass give way as the bag shattered it, “now it’s broken!” Using my jacket to cover my already damaged hands, I grabbed at the newly formed hole in the wall and pulled the door shut as the body of the large beast came crashing down against it. “Crap! This was a bad idea!”  I pulled my cell phone from the pocket and placed it on the concrete lid, still on speaker, as I grabbed the bag and pulled out the small 22oz bottle of granulated rock salt. “Bullets didn’t stop it, I don’t know why I’m going to even try.”

“What are you doing?”  Alex questioned from behind me as I poured the salt along the vault door.

“Ghosts can’t pass over the salt line, instant vanishing trick if they do,” I said as I stood up and looked at him, making for the other small windows in the place before I stopped and looked at him. “But Fido isn’t just a ghost, he’s a monster that  _ you  _ conjured up and made kill. That’s why he’s after your ass right now, because you took him from his duty to make him do some very, very bad things.” I grabbed him by the shirt, didn’t care about the height difference as I pulled him down to me, “I should slice you up and send you out to feed him!”

“I thought you were here to help me,” he whined like a baby, 

“You’re kidding right?” I laughed and shook my head. “Saving people, that’s their thing, hunting things, yeah that’s kind of mine, so when you released an evil into the world, you became the evil I hunted, so why not let you take the fall.”

I meant only part of it, but I wanted to scare the crap out of him because if he made it out alive, I didn’t want him touching that book again.

 

I heard him mumble _ Bitch _ as he moved closer to the door to peek out the window. Okay he can call me that, I'll let him have it for now, until I punched him in the nose. I could hear the monster outside padding around, his claws digging at the concrete as he started in on the building itself.

 

“Sam! If it comes through... this door isn't going to hold.”

 

I heard the grunts as the shovels moved, and suddenly one crash down beside the phone and all I heard was huffing. The voice on the other end of those things, has he cleared his throat and cracked open a beer.

 

“Hold your tail Honey, we're almost there!” Dean cracked as I heard him let out that “ah” sound like when you finish the beer.

 

“You're drinking? now?” I growled, but he never got a chance to answer because just then the door with came ripping off its hinges. “Holy shit!”

 

Alex came flying back towards me against his own will as the dog jumped through the doorway. Pulling the gun out, I fired off three shots right at the animal, but there was no stopping it, as it an advance slowly and I knelt down beside Alex shaking him, trying to get him to wake up, but the throw backwards hadn't knocked him against the concrete wall.

 

At that point in time an old friend came back into memory and the word  _ balls _ was all I heard in my head. I smile at this, but at the same time it made me think Bobby, and what would Bobby do in this situation. I reached over and grabbed my bag, dumping its contents onto the floor, I was looking for something anything, and I can use against this Beast. And I came up with one little thing.

 

Grabbing the bottle of lighter fluid, and my matches, I sprayed a line in a horseshoe shape around the bottom of Alex's feet before I struck a match and set it ablaze. The dog backed off. I was curious about the way the fire was deterring it. I rummage through the bag and pulled out the spellbook that I had forgotten I had stuffed in there when I left Jones. Flipping through it quickly I came to a portion of fire spells.

 

Slowly I read over the pages, trying to get as much information as I could, but there was one thing for certain, this puppy wasn't going down easy.

 

“Sam?” I yelled over the sound of the crackling blaze, as Alex starting to come to, “I hate to be a bitch and such this but do you think…”

 

“We hit it!” Sam huffed, and that was good because the fire was dying down.

 

I watched it's bloody paws come closer, and I close the spellbook before I had a chance to really get into it, but I did learn one thing, cursed spells can only end one way. I grabbed a hold of Alex's hand, pulled the Spectrum from its sheath and held his palm open. With the quick downward slash, I brought the blade across the skin, and watch him jerk back but the grip on his wrist tightened.

 

“What are you, some crazy psycho?” Alex screamed as I use the blade how to catch the blood that dripped from his hand.

 

“Some,” I smiled, walking over to the edge of the line, the fire have been I drew is symbol on the ground and whispered. “Sanguis sanguinem sic fiat!” I watch the dog approach, it lips drew back snarling as its head lowered, that chain ring around its neck. And I slapped Alex on the leg. “Get your ass up there something you need to do!”

 

“Are you out of your freaking mind?” He snapped but scurried to his feet. I waved him closer, still crouch down by the symbol, as the dog watched, eyeing him carefully. “Nice Rufus!”

 

“Yeah don't nice Rufus him!” I snapped as I reached over, and grabbed the man by a shirt pulling into the edge of the line. “Take the chain off!”

 

“What?!” He looked at me as if I had four heads, but I only shook mine. “I'm not reaching out there he's going to take my hand off!”

 

“Better than your head! Stop being a wuss!” I said as I pulled in forward more and pointed to the symbol. “The spell keep you safe blood to blood, you're one of the last descendants of Phillip Terrance, he'll know that, he's not going to hurt you. But you also made him do evil things Alex, and he's not going to rest until you're dead no matter how many times those boys burn his bones, so you have to release him from his bonds! You have to do what your grandfather refused to, get rid of the chains!”

 

I watched as the man decided to grow a set, as he quickly reached forward grab the chain around the dog's neck. The dog snapped its jaws red saliva flowing as it brought its bloody paws closer and Alex drop the chain.

 

“Anytime now boys!” I stressed as both Alex and I scrambled back against the concrete wall we watch the dog get ready to jump lowering itself to the ground, poised for the attack as those bloody teeth bared at us again. Suddenly just as it jumped, we watched it burst into flames and it let out a howl, almost like a death rattle what was full of anger and relief.

 

With a deep breath I finally relax my body against the concrete, and listen to Alex literally pass out and knock his head against the ground.

 

“Ali! Ali answer me!” Sam yelled over the phone and finally finding my own strength, I got up snatch the phone off the top of the stone coffin and brought it to my lips.

 

“Cutting that one a little close, don't you think?” I side and listen to Dean start laughing, a nervous laugh that let me know that he had been almost holding his breath, waiting to hear the sound of my voice. Sam exhaled loudly as if the phone were too close to his face and I could almost see him running his hand through his hair. “I'm just going to sit here awhile,” I explain to them as I put the phone down on my lap, “and Alex passed out.”

 

“Sit tight Kid, we're coming to you!” Dean barked in the background, but it's voice was full of worry, and I knew the reason behind his need to get to me as soon as possible.

 

“Copy that!” I whispered not really trying to exert myself as I close my eyes and let the relief of the night wash over me.

 

There was a sudden rush of boots beside me against the concrete floor as I open my eyes and looked up at the two that were now crouching down in front of me, Sam's hand reaching out to stroke my hair back and I smiled. Looking at Dean, I watched the worry in his eyes fade as his hand came down and touched my thigh.

 

“You owe me a cheeseburger, and a beer.” Dean smiled at me as I said this, but I honestly wasn't too sure if I wasn't too exhausted for it. He patted me on the leg then moved over and smacked Alex a couple times on the cheek.

 

“Hey! Come on wake up! It's all done, the big bad monster’s gone!” Dean said roughly and Alex suddenly came to. My gaze turned up to Sam and I smiled at him as he leaned out and kiss me on the forehead.

 

“I don't know how we hunted with you in the past,” he whispered quietly as Dean helped Alex out of the vault, “knowing that you were out here with a gun and a monster, just scared the hell out of me!”

 

“If I remember correctly Winchester, I saved your bacon a couple times.” And I felt the laugh vibrates through him as he left his lips pressed against my head. “So I guess this means we're even.”

 

~~~~~

 

Standing by the Impala, Alex shook both Sam and Dean's hand before he turned to me and stuffed his hands in his pockets. That's okay, I'd rather not shake his hand either, guy just gave me the creeps.

 

“So, I wanted to say thank you for keeping me safe from that dog.” He said shyly has his eyes turned away in his cheek started to blush. Oh God, I knew it was coming now. “I was thinking that if you were ever in the area, you might want to consider dinner?”

 

“As flattered as I am, Alex, see that tall one over there?” As I pointed Sam out to him, “yeah, he's kind of possessive so, having dinner, might actually get you killed.”

 

“The tall one huh,” he said quietly, “funny I kind of pictured you with the shorter one. But a guy can't help but try.” He stepped back glanced over at Sam and Dean once more and gave us small salute. “It's been fun, and don't take this the wrong way, but I hope to never see you guys again.”

 

“No offense taken,” Dean spoke up as Sam gave a smile, “but you keep playing with that book, and we’ll be back.”

 

Alex shook his head as he continued walking backwards putting distance between us and him. “As soon as I get home that book is toast, you won't be hearing from me again. Have a good one!”

 

And with that he disappeared into the darkness.

 

I looked at Sam as Dean went around the other side of the car and gave him a wink as I slid into the back seat. When both boys were in and the door closed, Dean crank the engine and Baby roared to life. Before he put her in drive he turned in the  seat and gave me a look, narrowing his eyes.

 

“Did he seriously say that he pictured you with me?” Dean asked and I just shook my head.

 

“Well Sam did say he shared with you,” I said sarcastically and watched as Sam grimaced in the front seat. “Hey all's fair in love between brothers.”

 

Sam let out a groan, “can we just go get something to eat?”

 

Dean smiled turn in the seat and glanced at me in the rearview mirror. Putting it in drive, he headed out onto the old dirt road that led to town. Next stop food.

 

~~~~

 

As the three of us sat in the diner, Sam beside me and Dean across from me, I looked out the window, hoping that the night would quiet down. The way Dean stuffed the burger in his mouth, you would think the boy hadn't eaten in days, but Sam picked at a salad, and I dipped the fries in the ketchup for probably the twentieth time before finally deciding, yeah, I was done.

 

With a sigh, I push the plate away and sat back tucking myself up against Sam shoulder. They looked over me with concern, and Sam leaned over and kissed me on the head.

 

“You doing okay, Kid?” Dean asked his cheek full of french fry, and I just nodded. “Okay,” he put down the fries, brushed off his hands and then grab the napkins. “I got a question for you.”

 

“I might have an answer,” I replied quietly and watched the waitress come come over. Dean smiled at her as she refilled the coffee cup in front of me, and asked if there was anything else we needed at the moment. We all said  _ no thank you _ and she moved on, but then those green eyes turn back to me. “Okay so what's your question?”

 

“The dog’s chain,” he started as he folded his arms on the table, “how did you know to take it off?”

 

I cleared my throat and glanced at both of them before I kind of just shrugged a little. “It's a little hard to explain,” I whispered and watched as Sam turned, resting his arm behind me so that he was blocking me in. I licked my lips and deep breath. “Okay, here goes, going through the spellbook I found an incantation to basically draw blood to blood, using this I connected Alex and Phillip and Phillip’s curse, but the problem was the chain was put on by Josiah.”

 

“Okay, but that doesn't tell us anything,” Dean sighed.

 

“Well,” I laughed, “if you let me finish, I think I can explain it a little bit better.” Dean rolled his eyes, “so, when the dog was buried, the chain itself was made out of iron, pretty much sticks you right where you're supposed to be right?”

 

“Well yeah,” Sam spoke up, “iron is supposed to be a deterrent just like salt for ghosts, so Rufus had an iron chain around his neck, that should have kept him and the curse lockdown in that grave.”

 

“But it didn't, you see the problem was is that when Alex summoned the dog to take vengeance out on the others, he basically made the whole vengeful spirit thing null and void. Rufus was a walking, barking, biting monster. The iron chain, the bullets, even the salt didn't work on him because he was technically not a vengeful spirit.”

 

“Okay, so we get the chain, but what is taking it off of them do?” Dean whispered.

 

“When you set something in motion like that,” I whispered, “there's no real way to release a curse unless you release the object that you placed it on. That chain was symbolic, Rufus was tied down to this Earth because of those iron chains, it was Alex releasing him, or removing it, that let Rufus is Spirit go. It basically broke the curse.”

 

“So salt and burning the bones?”

 

“That released Rufus's spirit after the chain was removed, after the curse was broken, so yeah everything that we did tonight was necessary.” And then I rolled my eyes, “the one thing we didn't do, was put an end to the human monster who started this whole thing.”

 

“You just can't go around shooting people Ali!” Dean snapped and looked at me with confusion. “You know that!”

“I didn't mean shoot the bastard! I meant turn it into the police, I mean, no one's going to believe him anyway when he says he had a dog go after his only living relatives, but something has to be done. He can't just get away with the murder of four people.” I pushed at Sam, wanting to get by and the younger Winchester finally decided that it was time to let me go. Frustrated I slipped out of the booth, slipped on my jacket and slipped out of the restaurant. It wasn't long after that that I heard the bell above the door and heard the footfalls of Dean. “You know, for five minutes, you could just leave me the hell alone!”

I turned to look at him at the anger on his face and I shook my head. How was I supposed to be mad at him when I knew that he was only concerned for my safety? Dean rolled his eyes crossed his arms and leaned against the back of the Impala with me.

“I'm sorry,” he said softly, “I shouldn't have pushed you in there. I know it’s been a long night.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to snap,” I whispered back and moved closer to him, leaning my body against him as I placed my head against his bicep. “That dog though.”

“Remind you of yours?”

“Yeah, too close to home on the vamp thing,” I sighed and felt the phone in my pocket vibrate. Sitting up straight, I turned and looked at Dean as I pulled it from its hiding spot and looked at the caller ID, turning to face him at the same time that I accepted the call and put it to my ear, “Christian?”

“Hey, beautiful!” His voice echoed on the line and I put it on speaker just as Sam came out and stood by us. “How are you doing, gorgeous, those boys treating you right?”

“Chris, it’s almost midnight,” I pointed out, “what’s going on,” and then I thought about it, “and you stole my favorite shirt!”

“I know,” I could hear the humor in my voice, “And it still smells like you!”  he teased but I could see the anger on Sam’s face flourish as I shook my head. “Listen, we can talk about that later.  I called because I need you to do something.”

“Oh, God, what?”

“I need you to come up to Carthage, New York, but you only have two days.” His voice was making it pretty clear that he was absolutely serious. “I got a lead on Danni.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Signed, Sealed... Dean, Keys

“Carthage, New York?” I asked, as memories seemed to flood me, why the hell did that name sound so familiar. “Why would she be in Carthage, New York?”

“This is Danni, there isn’t a rhyme or reason for what she does, but if she caught wind of a case, this is where she’ll be.” Christian replied, and the three of us got into the car, still listening to him as Dean revved the engine. “Did I interrupted, were the three of you parked somewhere? Got video?”

“Christian!” I snapped and heard Sam growl.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s in my nature,” he laughed out loud. “So, what I got is, Jo gave Danni a lead, happened to be up that way. She called back to confirm that, yeah, they got a problem up there, but wouldn’t say what was going on. So, I’m on my way up.”

“So why two days?” Dean asked as he pulled into the hotel and put it in park.  I scooted out of the car, still holding the phone as Sam passed bags off quietly before we headed into the room, still silently seething.  Once situated, I watched Sam grab the chair in the corner, shaking his head as he stretched his legs out and folded his fingers together. “I mean, she blows in, seals the deal and is out like the wind or what?”

“Always love your choice of phrasing, Dean!” Christian laughed, and I sat down on the bed, pushing myself up to the headboard as I kicked off my shoes and pulled my knees up to my chest. Dean came over and sat by me, his lower arm coming up and resting on the top of my knees as I put the phone between us. I admit that my speakers sucked. “More like she blows in like freaking tornado.”

_ “Oh, way to make me feel, like, a thousand times better because what’s more deadly than vampires? Freaking tornados!”   _

The line reverberated in my head as I tried to continue to listen, but it was Dean’s gentle caress across my hand that made me looked at him, then over at Sam, whose eyes were filled with worry. I gave them a little shake and listen in on the phone call again as Christian explained how Danni worked a case, which was literally just running headlong into it, ganking the evil son of a bitch and running out the back door.

“She reminds me of you, Dean, wonder if it’s a residual memory.”  Christian laughed.

“Screw you, Pal!” Dean snarked but it was all in good fun as the two chuckled. Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Jo set her up on this one, guess she was in the area already so when Jo called, Danni took it. I’m headed up that way now, not far from where I just closed a deal so, I’m going to wait for her, stall her the best I can and hope that you guys haul ass because, you can’t keep this one tied down.” I smiled at this, yeah, she was a firecracker, always had been so what would be any different with her hunting. “Anyway, just get your asses up here, and Sweetheart, you’re gonna have to wrestle me for that shirt back.”

“Or I could just kick your ass!” Sam growled loud and possessive, finally saying something and I heard Christian clear his throat.

“Yeah well, see you soon.” Christian replied and disconnected the call. I glanced over at Sam, narrowing my eyes and sent out a text, because as much as I thought the hint to Carthage was great, I really needed an address.

Once I put the phone down, Dean patted me on the knee and headed off to the dresser to find his bag. Irritated, I stood up and moved to the bathroom, snatching up the small backpack with the remainder of my clean clothes in it, but when I went to shut the door, it was blocked by a hand. 

Was it a thing in my life that I couldn’t just have the bathroom alone for five seconds? Between cats and kids, I was sure it had almost been eighteen years without an interrupted shower and now I had Winchesters disturbing the one place that I needed my space. Growling under my breath, I turned and looked up at Sam, who stared down at me with that possessive look in his eyes.

“Oh, give me a break!” I snapped and took my hand off the door as I moved further in and set the bag down. Sam slipped in and closed the door behind me. I did whatever it was I wanted to do to get ready, which was, turn on the spray, place what I needed to in the tub and watched his eyes as I turned and grabbed the bottom of my shirt. Sam didn’t move, in fact, he sat down on the toilet seat and folded his fingers together. I grumbled under my breath, “freaking Winchesters.”

His eyes scanned over me as I removed the shirt and turned towards the bathroom sink. “So, you and Christian…”

“Stop right there,” I snapped and turned back to him, crossing my arms over my chest, essentially giving him a better view of them, since it seemed to push up my breast in the bra that I was wearing. “What happened before we got together, or before your memories came back about the last few months, the ones where we weren’t  _ Sam and Ali _ , you can’t say anything about it, because I know there were other people for you, Sam, so you can take that little tone of voice and shove it!”

“So, that’s a yes?”  He sneered, baring his teeth as he replied.

“Dude,” I laughed, “I’ve kissed your brother more times than I’ve laid a hand on Christian Campbell!”

“I know, Dean told me.” He said softly as his aggressive posture relaxed.

“And, you’re okay with that but freaked out about Christian?” I whispered and watched as he gave a little shrug. “That’s seriously messed up! Sam, Christian told me what happened between the two of you and as soon as I said anything about being with you, he knew right off that it was hands off, he even said it himself, so just…” I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it back from my face before I wrung my hands together, and took a deep breath, “relax, okay, I mean seriously.” I let my hands drop to my side and shrugged. “It’s only ever been you, no matter what I don’t remember, I know that to be true, even if… someone was there with me, protecting me, I know nothing happened. So, yeah...” I watched his eyes go towards the floor and I knew he wasn’t moving.  “Okay, you need to get out Sam, so I can take a shower.”

“What?” he said softly, looking up at me as if he were suddenly lost, and I stepped forward, reached out and put my hand on his cheek.

“Did you see something?” I whispered and waited for him to make eye contact, but he couldn’t, or wouldn’t before he stood quickly and cleared his throat. 

“Don’t take too long, Dean and I have to get in too.” he said dryly, and disappeared out the door.

“Okay,” I sighed to myself after a moment to gather my thoughts, “um, that wasn’t odd at all.”

~~~~~

Sam and I sat casually in the room, actually we weren’t casually doing much except sizing each other up.I was sitting on the edge, just the way the boys always did, elbows on my knees, looking him up and down, slowly taking in the way he looked. Sam had already showered, while Dean had made some calls, and now the older one took up the bathroom, while we occupied our time.

The shower I had taken to finally wash the graveyard dirt and dust from my skin had set me on fire, mostly because I had to scrub some spots, but the other part was because now I was way too sensitive and wanted to be touched. The other reason was that Sam was sitting there, leaning back low in that uncomfortable chair, his legs stretched out just waiting to be straddled, his elbows on the arms and his fingers laced over his stomach, but dammit if I couldn’t see the waist of his Saxx briefs and that little hint of stomach.

It probably didn’t help that his blue-green eyes were locked on me, the way the slope of my scoopneck came down, just above the line of my breast, yeah I needed new shirts, and the fact that he had been all but completely possessive since Christian called, watching my every move, licking his lips like I was his next meal, yeah damn, Sam could make me hotter than hell, and I wanted him just as bad, but it was his move, and right now, his move consisted of staring at me. The odd curiosity of what he remembered but wouldn’t divulge was making my brain go in a thousand different directions, so staring at him wasn’t helping.

Dean walked out of the bathroom, rubbing the towel on the back of his head as he plunked down beside me on the bed, glancing between us as he pulled on his sock and shook his head. I looked at the older one, gave him a little sly grin as he sat back, his green eyes latching onto mine as he took a deep breath and knew just what I wanted from him. Yeah, I was getting the hang of this non-verbal communication crap they were always pulling. With a slow release, Dean stood, after slipping on his sneakers and shook his head.

“I’m going to the bar,” Dean stopped and pointed at both of us as he grabbed the door handle, “you two behave!”

“Dean,” Sam spoke up, smiling as he took his eyes off me just long enough to glance up at his brother, before Dean made it in anyway out the door, “keys.”

Dean rolled his eyes, grinning widely, and pulled the keys from his pocket, before he pressed them into Sam’s outstretched hand, looking at me, just as he patted Sam on the shoulder, “You’re such a romantic, Sammy!”

And with that he gave me a wink and disappeared out into the night. Sam placed his feet on the floor and like a sleek cat, moved himself until he was sitting, leaning forward, close enough to kiss.

“What do you say you and I take a ride?” his voice was deep and seductive, full of heat and, oh my God was I turned on.

“Where are you taking me?” I questioned, grinning devilishly as he stood and reached a hand down.

“Anywhere you want as long as it’s in that car.” He whispered as I took his hand and he pulled me up to him. Sam never did get what he wanted, me in the back seat of Baby, yeah, this could be fun!

~~~~~

Dean never let me sit so close to him in the front seat but this was Sam and he wanted me as close as he could get, so I was tucked up right under his right arm, my feet up on the seat so I didn’t accidently hit the pedals.

You would think after the events of earlier that night, there was no way either of us would want to even fathom the idea of being parked in the woods, but Sam had found the perfect little spot that overlooked the town and when he opened the windows, I could lean against the door and look out at the stars.

The best place was in the backseat, where he sat by the driver’s side door with the window down and I knelt on it, looking out the window, my arms across the deck as I stared up. I could feel the ease as we sat there, not really doing much but looking as his hand ran up and down my leg from the knee to hip, gently wrapping around me. I wanted to take in the way he felt, the way he fit, how close he was before the fire became too much. 

“The last time we were back here, we were in the garage.” I laughed.

“Doing almost the same exact thing,” he whispered and I turned my head to smile at him.  I moved slowly, uncurling my arms to place one on either side of him, before I moved my legs, straddling him as I made myself comfortable on his lap. His hands were on my hips, moving with effortless motion, to find any skin he could uncover. “And the last time we did this?”

I closed my eyes as he moved in close, putting my forehead against him, binging my lips to his cheek as his arms wrapped tighter around mine.

“Too long,” I said softly against his ear, “way too long.”

His hand slipped up my back, cradled the nape of my neck as his thumb came around and tucked under my chin, moving my lips closer to his and I heard him sigh as I finally felt the heat of his lips against mine.

“Ali, I’m so afraid I’ll…” he stared but I moved against him, the heat between my legs was more of an ache that needed to be satisfied and he bucked up against me, moaning against my lips.

“Don’t worry,” I answered, bringing my hands up to tangle in his hair, “you won’t.”

With that, his resolve gave way and his lips captured mine. Wanting, needing, branding, so much and so hot. Hands were moving, our kisses became chaotic, lips and tongue and teeth and all so very Sam.

Clothing wasn’t much of an issue, as he grabbed the hem off my shirt and pulled it up over my head, leaving my lips only long enough to get the fabric past, his came next, leaving nothing between us except the jeans we wore and as I pressed against his hot skin, I felt my body shiver.  

Free to roam as he might, Sam’s fingers did the opposite of his mouth, tender and soft, they traced over the muscles in my back, the length of my spine and over the curves of my ribs, until they ventured to the front, hell, I wasn’t shy, I didn’t put on a bra when I stepped out of the shower, I hadn't intended on being dressed very long, or going out in public and now I was more happy with the decision since his fingers were curling and cupping as he pinched gently, tugging at my nipples as he teased a moan from me.

I grasped his hair, holding him in place as I used the fact that the jeans continued to keep us distant and as my lips barely brushed his, I moved, creating the friction and the heat I needed as I swayed my hips back and forth over the bulge in his jeans. He let it go on for as long as he could take, letting me elicit noises from him that told me he only had so much control, before one hand came to my cheek, snaking around to the back of my head to capture me again and he pulled my lips in tight. 

His other hand reached for the button on my jeans, skillfully, and slowly removing the obstacle of my clothing as he tucked his hand down in behind, letting fingers roam over the curve of my ass, pushing them down from my hips and I adjusted, only a little, standing straight so the two of us could managed making the irritating fabric disappear and before I knew it, I was completely naked, and back hovering over his lap.

His fingers left my neck, tracing down over my collarbone as I wrapped my hand around the front of his and tilted his head, needing to explore him, but as his pads slipped past my navel and curled lower into the wet heat between us, I couldn’t help the nips that I placed on his tight skin, just below his ear and marking my way down to the hollow of his throat.

He teased the nub just enough to get my legs shaking and when my knees were about to give out, when I couldn’t hold myself up anymore, his arm gripped me, tucking under my cheeks as he held me just where he wanted and pushed his fingers deep inside. I cried out in a shivering moan, jesus, just with fingers this boy had me coming undone.

I road the wave as he created a pace that sent me reeling, my moans vibrating against his neck and when I needed air, I leaned my head back, moving to meet the thrust of his fingers, letting his mouth come down on my own neck, kissing and nipping at the skin there, creating the shocks of those pain/pleasure sensors in my mind to go into overdrive.

I rocked on him, bringing him in deep, as deep as the arm that held me would let me go and when I could feel the edge coming, my fingers dug into his shoulders and I managed to dip my head down low enough that the closest thing to me was his ear, and even then his mouth was letting me hear everything, the way his breath quickened and his low replies to the whimpers I was giving him.

“Sam!” I pleaded, “now, please!” 

I wasn’t sure how he did it, I wasn’t sure I cared, but the man had getting those jeans down to an art. Without removing those talented digits from inside me, he had shifted down his jeans just off his hips, and down around his ass, the hard evidence of his arousal brushed against the heat, and I felt him move against the sweat slick insides of my thigh. Damn him for teasing, but I could hear the tear of the packet and feel him roll the condom down. Every sense, every touch was focused on those two hands and his mouth, until he moved his fingers and pressed the tip between my folds, replacing the thinner two fingers with his width.

I groaned against him as I felt both his hands on my hips, just waiting.

“Slow?” He whispered, questioning and for a moment, I debated on just how much I wanted.

“No!” I growled and let my teeth bite down on his lobe just as he thrust up into me. I thought I was prepared, having known all about the feel of him before, but the sudden intrusion had me gasp and he paused.

“Ali?” worry filled his voice as I pulled back, catching my breath, and then as I stared down into his eyes, I lowered myself the rest of the way onto him. Sam bit down on his lip, one hand coming up to brace my upper back the other stay low on my hips and as I slid up the length of him again, I rolled my eyes as the absolute amazing feeling of just everything Sam. The next sound came from him, as if he were in heaven. “Oh… God.”

His head dropped back on the deck and his hips pushed up as I came down, creating the pace, the need and suddenly it was a wild ride, a well timed dance to see which one of us could bring the sounds from the other.

I didn’t care who won, I just wanted that noise from him, I needed to hear him like this, free of anything except that intense need, the way his voice deepened, the little  _ hmms _ and quick  _ ahhs _ when I was able to hit his spot just right, and oh did he have a spot, almost halfway up, just under the head, but he knew just where mine was as well, and he knew he wasn’t getting to it with me on top.

He wrapped me tight, buried himself deep and flipped me so that the cool touch of Baby’s backseat was below my drenched skin. The contrast to his heat was nearly orgasmic as he pulled my hips up and tucked me into the fold of his waist, locking me against him as he braced himself on the floor with one knee.

Rocking forward towards me, he leaned in to capture me, but I met him, grasping his hair to bring him closer as my lips met his in a feverish pitch of want. His sway was gentle, deep and he knew just where to aim as the world began to burst between my eyes.

“Ali, look at me,” he whispered against my lips and I fought to open them against the toe-curling feeling. I broke the kiss only for a moan as I tipped my head back, “I wanna see your eyes when you come.”

That did it, those words did it, because as much as I was skirting the edge of it, his voice and that want brought me plummeting over it, and I locked onto those darkened eyes, as he pushed forward, never stopping his pace, even as I clenched around him, and he let out a low groan. My body shivered and shook and inside it quivered, feeling every inch of him as he began to swell. 

I felt him fill me, his own end not far behind as I pulsed around him and just as I cried out, as I dug my fingers into the muscles of his back, I felt his thrust become just a bit more before he stiffened, letting me ride out the waves on the short pumps of his hips.  His eyes stayed focused on me as his lips parted and I watched them curl up, baring clenched teeth as he let go inside.

He finally relaxed, coming down so that his weight rested on his elbows and his head dipped down so that his forehead was against my shoulder while he caught his breath. I smiled, I couldn’t help it, not with the electrical feeling that pulsed through and touched on every nerve. Even the feel of his breath against my skin was enough to send me spiraling again, but after a moment, he slid his arms under my shoulders, managing to shift us both back so that the door was at the tip of my head, and he stretched out as much as he could, still tucked inside me, though, that was beginning to be a losing battle no matter how much he wanted to remain. His weight was a welcomed feeling, and I wrapped my arms around him as his cheek pressed against my skin.

I brushed his hair back from his face, hoping to help with his still chaotic need to catch his breath but he didn’t move, he just curled the fingers that rested on my shoulders just a little more. I knew it more than anything that at that point, there was no way he was ever letting me go again, and with how sensitive I was to touch, I could almost feel the tickle of his eyelashes as they closed.

~~~~~

Hands closing around my throat had my eyes opened in a flash and I found myself staring up at the bright blue eyes of my stalker woman. Her fingers burned into my skin as the air left my lungs, it wasn’t as painful as when she tried to rip my heart out, but I was pretty sure that was because of the lack of oxygen going to the pain receptors in my body.

She didn’t speak this time, she just stayed very close and that smile crossed her face as she moved in closer, so close that I could almost smell the scent of her skin, like lavender and honey, and suddenly I was pulled back into a memory.

_ “I want you to shut it off.”  I whispered and watched Cas sit back a bit. _

_ “That’s not…” he started but came forward and closed the distance, screw the personal space.  “I would advise against that, Ali.” _

_ “You’re not me, Cas, and this wouldn’t be the first time, but it needs to be stronger, I need it off.”  I sighed. _

_ “You’re talking about your humanity, what good do you think that would do for you?” _

_ “It would make it so that this bastard wouldn’t be able to manipulate me anymore.  If I can’t feel, if I have no sympathy for the devil, he can’t get to me,” I glanced over my shoulder, “he can’t get to them through me.” _

_ “The issue isn’t shutting it off, Ali,” Cas warned, “it’s turning it back on. People have…” he paused, “people have turned it off and never come back from it, because it’s just too simple to live like that, soulless, uncaring.  What do you hope to gain from shutting it off beside escaping from a monster?” _

_ “I’d like to keep my sanity.” I replied and reached out, touching his face with the palm of my hand and I opened my mind to him, I let him see everything that I did, start to finish and I let him feel all that was inside me, and everything the demon let out. I saw Cas sit back and close his eyes, and if an angel could turn a little green, he would have. _

_ “I’m sorry, Ali, I can’t.” He replied softly, taking my hand from his face.  “Showing me that only made my resolve so much more. If you shut it off, if you go in that direction, there isn’t a way to save you.  At least this way, there’s a chance.” _

_ “A chance,” I nodded, giving him a sarcastic smile, “Cas, you have no idea what I want to do, what my mind and the darkness is pushing me towards. There’s no saving anyone from that. There’s no saving anyone… at all.  It will bring me down, it will drag them down with me.” _

_ “If you can’t switch it off, there is something else that I’m going to ask you to do,” my eyes filled with tears as I brought the other plan to the surface but this time I didn’t say it out loud, I just pressed my hand against him and let the thoughts flow, the feelings, the pain.  _

_ “I want you to make them forget, make the boys forget everything, from the moment we met in Ohio. Take this all ways from them, and Danni. She’ll be harder to do, we’ve known each other longer, but she needs to not be caught up in this, not with what I’ve done. If they don’t remember than this won’t affect them, Cas, the evil that I can feel growing in me won’t touch them. I can’t stop it and you know it, so there is only two ways out, this or death and I know you won’t kill me. Make me forget too, make it all go away, everything, from that moment on, and you make sure you stay with me so that when it stops working and I come out of it, you need to erase it again. Promise me, Cas, promise me that you will do this for us, for them. I need to save them, I need them all to be safe. Promise me, Cas, that you’ll make us forget.” _

_ When I backed away, I saw the loss in his eyes.  “Do you understand what I’m asking you do to?  If I can’t be saved, if this thing can’t be completely taken away, do you get what I need you to do?” _

And as I opened my eyes, drawing in a deep breath, let the air fill the fire in my lungs, I heard his voice say  _ yes. _

“Jesus,” I choked out, “what have I done?”

~~~~~

The arms that cradled me as I as I lay staring at the wall of the hotel room, were strong and warm, but I couldn't get past the cold feeling in the depth of my soul that I had been the one that truly made this all happen. I was the one that had asked Cas to take away their memories, I was the one that made him promise, and I know that without his promise, without him keeping his word, things right now would be completely different.

 

I wanted to move away from Sam, from the gentle hand that lay on my stomach, and the one that was tucked underneath my neck, from the breathe against my skin. But I wanted to move closer, I wanted to wrap myself in the scent of him, to never leave his arms. I could hear his brother right behind us, in the bed closest to the door as always, his light breathing keeping time with my own, and I wondered if that was just because I was listening.

 

My thoughts turn to Danni, and how she would be affected by all this, and Dean. What would she do with Dean, how would she react to him? Would she instantly recognize him, or would it take a while? What would she do with me, does she know what I did?

 

The rage inside me swirled. The more I remembered the more it grew, and I wondered if this was the reason Cas had agreed to help me forget. Was this what my choices were about? Did the blind rage that I felt building, consume me in the end given Cas no choice but to do my bidding?

 

Who was this woman? The Woman in Black, the one that was haunting my visions, the one that Dean had seen, that Sam had missed. All of these thoughts ran through my head as I stared listlessly at the wall, catching the reflection of the red digital clock in the corner. It was getting close to six a.m., and we had only been in the hotel for three hours.

 

I slipped away from Sam, grabbed the pair of jeans that I left at the edge of the bed, stole Dean's maroon shirt, his favorite one. In the bathroom I changed quickly, exchanging the shorts I had worn to bed for the jeans that I pulled on. Tugging the maroon shirt over my tank top, I slipped on my sneakers, and headed out the door.

 

The sun was coming up, the rays of light had hit the windows of the Impala, giving her shine that was almost eerie, as I headed towards the diner across the street. Coffees for all three, and a bag full of whatever pastries, and a slice of pie, that they could fit in there. We were about to start on the road, Christian had given us two days, and Carthage was a thirteen-hour Drive.

 

When I arrived back at the room, I wasn't surprised to see either Winchester up and about, but they had only gotten three hours of sleep, and while I was on the verge of restlessness, the two of them we're feeling the deprivation. Snatching the keys from Dean, I moved to the load up the car, tucking our bags in the trunk before joining them again in the room.

 

“No arguments,” I said as I dangled the keys in front of Dean, who rolled his eyes and huffed as he tied his boots. “I'm driving, and you boys are sleeping.”

 

“And exactly what makes you think I’m gonna let you behind the wheel of my baby?” Dean snapped as he reached for the keys, missing as I snatched them back. I leaned in close to him, look deep into his eyes, and grinned.

 

“You made me stash mine! You owe me!” And with that I kiss him on the forehead and walked into the bathroom. 

 

I heard him grumbling his breath, but he didn't make any kind of protest, which is really odd. This is the Impala that we're talking about, he doesn't even let Sam drive it. I brush my teeth quickly, gather the rest of my things, and packed it in my bag before I toss that in the trunk and the first-in bag on the floor in the back seat.

 

Sam slipped into the passenger side, and I looked at him with a small grin, kind of apologizing for the fact that, yeah his legs weren't settling up here really well. I had to pull the seat a whole lot closer than Dean had it, and it made for a lot less room for the taller Winchester. Dean stretched out on the back seat of the car, his sunglasses on, his head back on a duffel, and his arms crossed against his chest.

 

With one last warning, as a car rumble to life and the vibration under my foot from the gas pedal made me grin, I heard his voice close to my ear, and looked into the green eyes that stared at me through the rearview mirror.

 

His voice was soft, but full of intent. “You get one scratch on my car,” he whispered against my skin, “and I'll kick your ass!” His breath breezed against me as he added. “The backseat smells like you.”

 

Sam grinned at me as Dean disappeared back into the backseat, and I licked my lips before sliding her into drive and headed off down the highway north to New York.


	22. DH Remembrance 22

**Chapter 22**

One for the road.

When I looked over at Sam, it had to be about two hours into the drive, we were rolling down a back road, the music on the radio was Bob Seger, and I was humming along to it quietly, but he was curled up the door head against the glass, his jacket over his shoulders. The look on his face was peaceful, and I knew that he had finally fallen into some sort of restful sleep.

 

Adjusting the rear view mirror I could see Dean, the way his body seems so relaxed, that it swayed with the movement of the car, the sunglasses that he wore over his closed eyes were just a little off center, but his lips were slightly parted as his arms were braced across his chest. Yeah, he was definitely out.

I smiled to myself, for the moment there was nothing except the road and the boys, and that was how it should have been except I knew that one part was missing. Danni was missing.

As I thought back on our first meeting.

_ The bell above the door jingled and for the umpteenth time, I looked up, waiting on another disappointment, but she was standing there, her long hair pulled back in a ponytail with a wide-eyed and frantic look on her face as she whipped her head back and forth up and down the aisle. I stood from my seat catching her attention and watched as she moved towards me. Danni Danvers wrapped her arms around me like a shaking older sister, one that was pissed off but relieved that I was alright and I almost braced myself for a swing but she stepped back and looked me over. _

_ “Okay, you’ve got a coat, your blade, you knife, no bag, a bandage on your arm and,” she paused to take a breath, “where’s your freaking car?” _

_ “Dead on the side of the highway about three hours north.” I said softly and slowly sat down. Danni followed suit and stared at me. “Hey Sis.” I smiled and watched as she dropped her head to the table in a gesture of either wanting to kill me or strangle me just to the point of me passing out.   _

_ “Don’t ‘hey Sis’ me, chick, what the hell?” she replied, but the smile crept up on her lips. “So, three hours up the highway, what the hell happened? _

That was when I knew for certain that I had truly found my sister. The memory of her first meeting, brought up memory of what might have been our last, and with it the image of Crowley, king of hell.

I could see him standing there, in that black suit, silk tie, vest, even the smug grin on his face was evident in my memory, but there was just something about him, something familiar that pulled me to him no matter how many times I told myself that I was going to gank son of a bitch. Yep, that had always been my plan, take Dean's demon blade and run a little bastard through, but it never seemed to work out that way, he always seemed to be more help than he was, well a pain in my ass.

So when the memory of him came through, I was more than surprised at what was going on

_ “My, aren’t we a sorry lot.” I heard his stupid accent whisper and I so wanted to punch him, but I saw the look on Sam’s face when my fists bunched up. _

_ “Can we just get this over with, please?” I questioned, before turning away and heading out towards the back field where I had seen Cas, Danni and Dean disappear to.  Sam closed the door to the room and then moved ahead of us, but as we rounded the corner, as Sam stepped up beside Dean, handing off the can of Salt, I stopped Crowley, almost literally by pushing him up against the brick wall. _

_ “Why would Dean ever want to unlink himself from you?”  The man’s deep voice stirred up the anger in me and I met his eyes as he stared down at me, “the power that you hold is astronomical. Between you and Squirrel, I bet you could take on the world.” _

_ “Just drop it,” I barked and watched him raise a brow.  “I have to do this and you know why, but I want to ask a few things of you before this goes down.” _

_ “I told you, Pet, you’re already part of a deal, you can’t sell your soul to me if it’s already bought and paid for.”  _

_ “You owe me, Crowley, and you swore to protect me so this is me asking for that protection, for them,” I turned and looked up at Sam and Dean, which got the demon’s eyes to go there too and Crowley smiled. _

_ “You want me to watch over those two lumbering buffoons?” he questioned with a smile, but I knew he would do it. He had a soft spot for them, and I heard him let out a breath, giving in way too easily.  “Fine, but under one condition.” _

_ “No, Crowley, no more conditions, no more pacts, no more contracts.” I met his eyes once again and watched as he grew more curious.  “There is one other thing.” _

_ “Don’t you think you’re pushing it with having me babysit the Winchesters?” but he grinned as he said it. _

_ “They don’t need to be babysat, they need to be protected.  If I know anything about what’s coming, if anything in that show is true, they’re going to need you, and I’m not saying that to make your stupid Scottish head any bigger, they really are going to need your help.” _

_ “I already said it was fine, Peaches, do you want me to take it back?”  His voice went low as he started to get annoyed. “Now spit out your other thing before we get called to join the lovefest.” _

_ “Danni,” I started. _

_ “Already protected, Pet, can’t do much more with that soul either.” _

_ “Just zip it and listen,” I closed my eyes for a second, to really gather my words and took a breath.  When I looked up at him, the fire burned in his eyes and I could feel his power.  “The next time I come looking for you, I want you to know just where to find her.” _

_ “What makes you think you won’t know where she’s at?”  His eyes scanned me over and suddenly, as if realization came to him, his brows went up, “Oh,” was all he said before he looked over at Danni, watched the way she moved for just a moment before those eyes rested on me once again, “done.” _

_ “That’s it, just like that?” It seemed to shock me that he gave in so fast, but this was Crowley, which meant that there was something else up his sleeve. He leaned in, close to my ear and whispered. _

_ “Anything for my Angel,” and with that, he walked around me. His little remarks were really starting to get on my nerves and I held back the audible growl that seemed to fill my chest. _

Crowley had made a promise, to keep track Danni to make sure that the next time I found him, he knew how to find her. Why I hadn't taken me so long to remember that, it's not like I didn't remember Crowley at all, in fact I remembered almost every incident that I ran into him. 

The problem was setting those memories to a timeline seem to be more difficult than I had imagined. There were places and spaces in my thoughts that had yet to find a home, and those lingering memories alone made me wonder and just what I had done to make Cas promise to erase everything.

I let myself stew in my memories for another hour, before I decided that I had had enough and I needed a coffee break. Nine in the morning in, the boys are still sleeping, but Sam had adjusted himself a couple times before becoming comfortable once more. The car only had a half a tank, but I decided that topping off Baby would be the best way to accomplish both feats, which was gas and caffeine. 

Pulling into the closest gas station, not more than five miles down the road from where I decided that yeah I needed a break, I pulled up to the pump, adjusted the rear end so that it wouldn't take me long to get the pump to the back of the trunk, and shut off the car.

No sooner did that engine stop, was Dean sitting up in the backseat of the car. He looked around, bracing himself against the seat with one of his arms, he removes the glasses, and stared down at me. The only thing I did was wave the wallet in my hand, slip the keys from the ignition and hop out of the driver's seat, before heading into the store.

I stood at the coffee counter, filling up two black coffees and then mine, with cream and sugar and was just about to put the lid on the last one when I felt I was being watched. Glancing up at the curved, round mirror in the corner, I noticed the man standing in the doorway, the man dressed all in black, who, when I turned my body to look at the same spot without the aid of the security camera mirror, was gone.

Always suspicious of people who would appear and disappear, I paid for the coffees, and then made my way up to the car. I sat the cups down on the dashboard and turned to start filling tank, but as the gas pumped into the car, I noticed the man in black step around the back of the building.

Now I know what you're thinking we had been at this crossroads before, the last time I went behind the building I was attacked by vampires, this time I was pretty sure I was going to be safe. Slipping the Spectrum into my boot, I replaced the gas cap and my way around to the darkness.

As I stepped into the back, the light where the exit was near the trash barrel flickered, and I watch him come out of the darkness. He's a little bit thinner than I remembered, but he still had that same swagger, the same dark hair, the same smug smile, and as he looked me over, the only thing I could do was roll my eyes.

“Well, well, well,” he smile sarcastically, “you know I told the angel when he came to me that there was no way your mind would let it be erased. Look at you now, riding around in that tin can of scrap metal with the two people you needed to forget.”

“Hello Crowley,” I said sternly, my hands stuffed in my pockets to keep from reaching for the blade. He still seem to have this strange vibration about him, one that I couldn't shake.

“You must have remembered something if you're standing here with me now.”

“I remember enough.” But I leaned back against the building and took a deep breath. “Remember that you told me not to tether myself the dean, to not let them tie me down, I remember you putting me in a devil's trap and I remember you promising the next time I came looking for you, you know where find Danni.”

“But you already know how to find her.” He shrugged, “so what do you need me for?”

“Good question,” I pushed away from the door and moved up to come face-to-face with him, closing the distance. “I know why you call me your girl, Jones told me about it, what I want to know is why you showed up at this store, at this point in time.”

 

“Oh it's not all about you Love,” the smile wiped from his face, “sometimes it's about the bigger picture, and you're only just a small part of it. Did you honestly think that having your memory erase was going to keep whatever wheels you've set in motion from continuing, did you ever think that no matter what you did, your destiny was always right there in front of you?”

 

“I'm not worried about destiny, Crowley, I'm worried about Danni.”

 

“Oh yes,” he smiled again, “the fiery redhead, yes I know exactly where she is, and I know exactly what she's been up to the last month and a half. She's not your Danni anymore, just know that, Angel. The path that you sent these boys on, that you sent her on with your little power trip on erasing everyone's memory, it hasn't been fun on their side”

 

“I know that!” I snapped and turn around wanting to walk out of the back, but I stopped and turned to him, “I'm surprised at you, that you think that I didn't know the full extent of everything that I did, that you helped me do.”

 

“I didn't do a bloody thing Angel!” He said to me as he stepped up, I could feel the brush of his jacket as he looked down at me, his dark eyes glowing, “I only did what you asked me, as always, Christ you think it's easy keeping up with you? The way you pull me around, yank my chain, and make me go against my best interest in you, do you know what that does to me?”

 

“You're the King of Hell Crowley, you should be used to doing these sorts of things!” But he reached out and brush my cheek with his fingers.

 

“Yet I made a pact that no harm shall come to you, and look at the last 6 months, don't you think it's been a bit harmful?”

 

“I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be.” And with that I backed away, putting distance between us once again.

 

“So what did this meeting accomplish?” Crowley question just as I was about to round the corner, and I stopped and looked back at him, looking him over from head to toe as I smiled.

 

“You're still alive aren't you?” And I watched him grin, stuff his hands in his pocket and nod at me is he turned himself and headed into the darkness. But he paused, turned and looked at me.

 

“When you remember everything, Angel,” he whispered, his voice full of a certain emotion that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. “You come see me again.”

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

“Because you’re going to need help.” He replied, “this thing between you and Squirrel, it's much bigger than you realize, and the faster you remember, the better. Danni shouldn't be your main concern, he should be.”  And he moved into the fading shadows. Funny how at nine in the morning, the back of the store was nothing but darkness, but then again, with the King of Hell parading around, I’m sure it was an easy thing to do, to manipulate the light. I shook my head as he disappeared.

 

~~~~~ 

 

Surprisingly when I rounded the corner, it wasn't Dean that met me leaning against the hood of the car, but instead Sam stood there his sunglasses on with his hands in his pockets. His coffee cup on the hood of the car, and I gestured to it as I walked up

 

“You know your brother's going to have your ass if you get a ring on his car.” I smiled as he looked at me, pulled the sunglasses off and tuck them in his pocket. “I left you sleeping I'm pretty sure, so what are you doing awake?”

 

“There's something about waking up in a car and having the driver missing, that makes you curious as to what's going on outside.” He said softly as I nodded in agreement then move to stand beside him, leaning my body against his. I felt his hand moved from his pocket slide the coffee cup back, and then his fingertips rest at the small of my back. “What were you doing with Crowley?”

 

“When I left, when we were fighting something, the last time we were together, I made him promise to watch you and Danni. I don't know what happened, I still have no clue but I wanted to know what he knew.” I shrugged and looked out at the passing cars. Sam's hand came up to the back of my neck his finger and his thumb gently rolling over the muscles. “I don't know what I expected to get from him, but it wasn't much of anything.”

 

“No, it’s Crowley.” and that was all he was going to give me, but I knew that no matter what I said at that moment, there was a memory he was holding back.

“Sam we should really talk,” I whisper to him as I wrap my fingers around his lower arm, but he just shook his head solemnly.

“I don't want to talk about what I saw Ali,” he whispered but his hand came around and touched mine. “These dreams, these memories that you want us to remember, some of them just don't make any sense. And the one that I saw, I don't even think I want to deal with until I'm sure, absolutely sure that what I saw is real.”

“What could you seen that was so bad that you don't want to talk about it? Maybe I could help maybe I can explain it?”

He turned towards me this time leaning down so that he was close enough that I could feel his breath on my cheek as he leaned towards my ear. “If what I saw in my vision is true, there's no way to explain it, and I'm not sure there's a way to get past it either.”

I sighed as he let me go, and moved to the driver’s side of the car holding up his hand. 

“My turn to drive,” he explained and I dug deep in my pocket to reach for the keys, before I toss them to him. Making my way over to the passenger seat I glanced in the back at Dean, and something inside me shivered.

What if he was right, what if what he saw was something that none of us would get past, not this time around? How would we handle it, how would I handle it and then again how would they respond? I knew what I had done to John, but what had I done to them?

As I rested against the door, my shoes off, feet up on the seat, I grabbed the blanket that Dean had draped over the cooler since he wasn't using it, and wrapped myself in it. I didn't want to think about all the questions I ran through my head, I just wanted to find Danni, and get this done and over with. The sooner we all remembered, the sooner that we can figure out our lives.

I needed to figure out my life.

~~~~~

The next time I awoke, my legs were stretched out on the seat, my back against the door, and I felt a hand just above the edge of my socks, a warm hand that was grasping my ankle and I open my eyes to look up at Dean. Somewhere along the line the boys had switch places, and I had slept right through it.

There was a pillow behind me, and I was lying almost flat on baby's front seat. I had both of my ankles crossed over Dean's lap, and like I said his hand was touching the skin, whatever skin he could find. I could feel his thumb moving back and forth, almost as if it was calming him, but when I shifted, it made him look over at me and his green eyes skimmed over me from head to toe before coming back up to look at me once more.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” He whispered softly and then glanced in the rearview mirror at the man who sleeping behind us. I peeked up over the seat to see Sam lying almost exactly where Dean had been except this time Sam was laying on his side and his knees were pulled up just enough so that he was comfortable.

“When the hell did you guys switch places?” I didn't mean it for to come out as a snapping question but I guess that's what sleep deprivation does to you when you finally try to catch up on it. Dean only smiled and shrugged. 

“About two hours ago when we stopped to fill the tank again. We've got about five hours left of this trip and you slept through most of it.” I stretched my toes against that hand that held me there and I felt him shift just a little in the seat. Maybe that wasn't the brightest idea, but the roll of the eyes that I got from him was worth it. “You were pretty out of it,” he whispered as I move to sit up and his fingers fell away, “Sammy tried to wake you up but it was a no-go. We figured that if you were that deep into it, you needed the sleep.”

“Yeah well, when you have some chick dressed all in black strangling you in your dreams, you wouldn't have a fun time with them either.” I explained and ran my hand through the shortened hair, still forgetting that I had cut off the length.

“So, what's up with you and Sammy?” He asked as he glanced at me yet again and I really wished at some point he would keep his eyes on the road.

“You really want to discuss me and Sam with your brother sleeping right there in the backseat?”

“Sam and I talk about you all the time, so what’s the big deal if you and I talked about him?”

“You and Sam talk about me when? You just met me again!” But I smiled as I said this, “please explain to me what you mean by your brother and you talk about me all the time?”

“I don't know, I mean we've talked about you alot in the last few days, talk about how you feel, I guess.”

“How I feel? I feel exhausted and frustrated, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere except running in circles.”

“That's not what I meant by feel, I mean how you feel to me,”he said softly, and my eyes grew wide. I watched his lips move, as if he were trying to find the words, before he sighed and licked his lips. “Okay, so I'm totally confused about everything that's going on,” he admitted, “the only person I've ever turn to about something like this has been Sam. So yeah, I can confide in my brother about how I feel... felt about you.”

“How do you feel?”  I questioned and watched as he pursed his lips, like the frustration of everything that had happened had finally gotten to him and he shook his head. 

“Like I told you before,” he glanced over at me, “when this is done, when we’re all back together or whatever, then you and I will sit down and figure out you and me.”

“You told him about kissing me?” I whispered.

“No, you told him that you and I kissed, twice, I told him how I felt and why I did it,” he snapped, but it wasn’t out of anger.  “You think telling Sam that way to prove the point that you didn’t have anything to do with Chris was a good idea?”

“You think admitting to him  _ why _ you did it twice was a better one?” I retorted and Dean shook his head. 

“See, totally confused!” He sighed and rubbed his hand on his forehead. “It’s getting harder, Ali.” He admitted, his eyes going to his brother again, “harder to keep away, harder to not touch you, and still, I don’t get it, because apparently we were this way in the beginning and Sam was okay with it then, seems okay with it now, but I’m not okay, Al,” he shook his head as he gave me a longer glare, “I’m not okay with it at all.”

“Which part?” I shrugged, “the need to touch me, or the need to have me close?”

“The need to at all!” he growled, “I don’t  _ need _ anyone, I never have, it’s always been me and Sam, so you can see how this is a problem, right?”

“You need Danni,” I whispered.

“I want Danni, they’re two different pies!” He answered, but the fact that he answered it that way told me one thing, the memories were still coming back, still flooding his subconscious.  “I don’t remember everything, but I know I want her, I want her so badly it hurts, but you, I don’t get.”

“Jones said something to me when this whole thing started about your dad and mine.” Dean’s brows creased in confusion at the hint that there was anything between our fathers, but I continued. “They knew each other a long time ago, Jones said John and Dad were like brothers, but that one spot, that one time on the shore, when he pulled me and my parents from the river, Dean, something besides a hellhound happened that night, something between you and me.”

“I don’t remember a river,” Dean shrugged.

“Apparently neither did I until April, I thought it was just a reoccurring nightmare, but Sam said he found the entry in his journal, that you had told him the dog with the red eyes had growled at you.” I watched as his face paled. “Looked like a hellhound ran us off the road, and when John got me out, you wrapped me in a towel.”

“I got nothing,” he sighed, shaking his head, “I mean the entry sounds familiar, but I have no memory.” His green eyes danced with sorrow, wishing he could tell me something else, something more encouraging.

“It’s okay, because what sticks in my mind is that Jones said John didn’t stick around that night to make sure we were okay because he didn’t want Sam to have the same fate as you and me.” This got an eyebrow up on Dean and I smiled. “Something happened that night, something other than just a boy wrapping me with a towel, he said that it sealed our fate, yours and mine.”

“Sounds insane!” Dean snapped, “one little act isn’t going to create whatever  _ this _ is!”

“Spells have been bound by less,” I mumbled and a flash of a little piece of twine wrapped around my thumb stuck in my mind for a few seconds before I could shake it off. 

“Ali, I know one thing, whatever we have, it’s not a spell, and it’s not fate,” he said but his words softened as he, whispered to confirm it for himself, “it’s not fate.”

“Yeah, let’s go with that,” I agreed and turned in the seat, sitting up the way most people would in the car and rolled down the window. 

Dean glanced at me, knowing the conversation was over and he reached out to the stereo, cranking the remix tape that he had in there and I caught him exhaling as he placed his hand on top of the wheel, letting the sound of  _ Against the Wind _ flow through the car.

~~~~~

Five hours rolled into nothing as Sam woke up and the conversations began, the three of us constant companions on the road as we made our way north, nothing but rest stops and road ahead. Sam switched off driving, having me move in the backseat, Dean would slide over and turn to constantly pick on me, like a family road trip, but nothing was said about Sam’s memories, or Dean’s feelings, or my dread of the upcoming meeting, not until later that night about seven when we pulled passed the Carthage, New York town limit sign, not until we hit that stretch of road that the bar was on.

I sat forward in the seat, positioning myself between the boys as we pulled into the parking lot. There were only a few cars there and the rest were bikes, but it was Christian’s Grand Am that caught my attention, and I couldn’t help but smile.

It was the car that was parked next to him that caught the attention of the boys in the front seat as Dean pulled into a spot a few cars down, some place dark enough to hide Baby in the darkening light but also, far enough away that she wouldn’t get scratched.

Getting out of the car, the vibration in the air was tangible, and I shivered at it. I had felt it before, like there was something in me that it called to and whether on instinct or old habit, my left hand pressed down on the hard ball that I could feel it deep within the meat right under my thumb.  The warmth there began to spread as I felt Sam slowly slip my hands apart and wrap his around mine. 

Maybe it was the reason we were here, maybe not, but the hurt from the strange memory that he wouldn’t share was gone, or at least stowed at the moment when he looked down with worry in his eyes. I wondered if he could feel it too. Dean’s hand fell to the small of my back and the three of us moved towards the bar, but I couldn’t help but stop and admire the car, not Christian’s, the one next to it because I was certain I had seen or heard of it before.

She was beautiful, a sleek, glossy black 66’ Mustang fastback, so pristine in her upkeep that you could make out every pixel of the neon sign that reflected off her surface, and Dean whistled. I smiled at the chrome rims and glanced at the crimson red interior and, yep, there was no doubt in my mind.

“This is Danni’s car,” I said with a bit too much excitement in my voice and Dean looked up at me, his eyes a little wide, a little nervous and my hand automatically went out for him.

His fingers touched mine just ever so gently, as he glanced up at Sam, at the way that his brother took a deep breath at the realization that all the memories that he had flood back at him were real. Yeah, Sam remembered everything, everything but the emotions involved when it came to her, but the look on his face told me that he could pick up on those at any moment.

“So she’s in there?” Dean questioned, his voice taking on the gruff readiness to defend himself, like he was building a wall.

“I’m telling you, this is Danni’s car, this is her dream car!” I smiled and let my hand hover over the hood, “and it’s cool, so she’s been in there a while, exactly where Christian is.” The fingers that held mine squeezed a little and I looked up at Sam, “his Pontiac is sitting right there, so we’re in the right place.”

“Alright,” Sam said as he took a deep breath, not sure he was ready to face his cousin, but I watched the jaw clench as he too prepared himself. “Let’s go get this done.”

“Right,” I whispered back and the three of us headed for the door.

When you entered the bar, there wasn’t much going on, men and women milled about, stood around high tables, found corner booths to congregate in, or generally found their way to the bar, but I was looking for a certain someone, and when the music caught my attention, I knew just where to find her.

The song was only one that she and I would recognize as the other’s kind of calling card, a sexy but fast paced beat that you could sway your hips to and be really graphic if needed in the way that you danced to it, not that the two of us danced often but we had definitely talked about it. So when the sound caught my ears, my eyes scanned the floor, and sure enough, I found a pair of hazel else smiling at me through the crowd. 

Christian sat there, like a bouncer ready to spring, but just casual enough that you wouldn’t really notice him if you weren’t looking, well, I was looking. His hands were folded on his lap, close enough to the handle of the blade that he kept locked down on his front pocket, and ready enough to use it, and his ankles rested on the chair diagonal to him, creating that space where no one could pass.

He winked at me when he finally got the point that we were looking right at each other, and yeah, how scary was it when two six-foot plus men in flannel walked into a bar behind some little asskicker with a plan, okay not so scary on my part but the boys were a bit intimidating. Christian made sure that I could follow his movements and his head turned slightly up as his eyes brought me to the pair of black boots that stood on the table. My own gaze did the rest!

Those black boots hit her knee, and then from there, to where the black mini skirt touched was nothing but bare thigh and swaying hips and I couldn’t help the smile that ran across my face, moving up, I could see the black tank that she had tucked in. Danni had lost weight, she had gotten toned up and and as she raised her hands above her head, eyes closed as she swayed to the music, I heard Dean whistle from behind me, like he was yet again appreciating her car. 

Christian reached up, tapped Danni not so gently on the leg to break her trance and I watched as she glared down at him in anger, but when he raised his hand, his finger pointed directly at me, I watched her eyes following that movement, follow that finger and the smile disappeared from my face.

Panic set in. What if she didn’t want to see me? What if she hated me? What if she just wanted to punch me for all the things I had put her through, what if…

What if all my fears were unwarranted, what if she rushed at me like she was doing, having hit the floor at a cheetah’s pace, and suddenly her arms were wrapped around me. Solid, real arms that held me so tightly that they held me up from falling down.

I blinked back the tears, or at least I thought, as my arms came up and gripped her, returning the bear hug that she had locked me in and I felt my knees weaken as I let all of the stress of the days go. I had found her, I had found my sister and she remembered me, as much as I thought she could, considering that the last time we had seen each other, at least, the last that we “remembered” in Cas’ version of events was that I was having a breakdown at a hospital.

She pushed back though i was reluctant to let her go and I could see the tears in her crystal blue eyes, tears of concern but of wonder that I was standing there.

“Ali?” she whispered, and her voice, her voice brought back the thoughts of her standing above me, holding my face, just as her hands came up to do and the words echoed in my mind.  _ Don’t go, Ali, stay with me. _ Though I was never really sure I had heard it, not over the manic whispers of Dean’s pleas. I caught my breath, swallowed hard and moved my mouth to reply. “Ali, what are you doing here?”

“Danni?” I said softly, knowing it was her but having to seal it with her name as she smiled and and pushed away the hair from my face, brushing back my tears as well.

“Yeah, it’s me, what are you…” I didn’t let her finish, I just hugged her again, tightly as I stared at Christian, the emotions were too overwhelming, especially with the memories they brought, disjointed memories of the “fantasy reality” I created in the hospital. 

I finally pulled back, wiped my tears from my eyes and looked over her face. She had lost weight, I think I had said that before, but her eyes told me that she had seen a world full of hurt and instantly the tears were streaming again, but she smiled, she  _ smiled _ at me before she brushed them away.

“I’m okay, Al, really.” she reassured me but my hands never left her, not her shoulders, not her cheek, I just needed to know she was real.  “Now seriously, what are you doing here?”

“Ah, yeah,” I cleared my throat and looked at the faces of them behind me as Christian took that a cue to come forward, his hand resting on Danni’s hip as she stepped back into the solidness of his embrace. “Danni, this is Sam and Dean Winchester, and we need to talk.”


	23. DH Remembrance - 23

**Chapter 23**

No Freaking Way

The look on her face as she stared up at the two men behind me was one that told me almost everything I needed to know. One, she had no clue as to who they really were, except maybe the name rang a bell, and two, there was a certain fear in her eyes when her gaze landed on Dean’s, his hand automatically going to the back of my shirt, where he gripped the material just a little too tightly, tugging me back a step. 

I reached out and patted him on the stomach, feeling those fingers gently release but not completely let go before Sam closed the distance and his chest pressed against my right shoulder.  I was pretty sure though that Sam’s movement was more for Christian than Danni, but as she stepped closer, Dean took a small step back.

“No freaking way,” she smiled at me, glancing at both the boys, “like  _ THE _ Winchesters, you guys are legends!” She gushed. 

“Really?” Christian spoke up, as if surprised and a little annoyed by her fangirling over his cousins, and I watched the smile fade from her face but the humor remain in her eyes.

“No,” she retorted in a completely serious voice, and turned to me. “Ali, why are you with hunters?  You don’t hunt?”

“Actually,” I whispered and suddenly Dean let me go, I glanced behind me as I watched him moved quickly out the door, pushing it open hard enough so that it slammed against the wall. I looked up at Sam as he leaned down and kissed me on the head.

“I’ll go check on him,” the younger brother stated and walked away leaving me with the two of them.

I raised my hands, as if to ask what the hell had just happened before I turned back and looked up at Christian.  “I think I’m going to need a drink, Chris.”

“Wait,” Danni whispered, “you two know each other?”

“Yeah,” Christian whispered, “I kind of met Ali in Summerford, she’s pretty badass, you should be proud.”

“No, ut-uh, I shouldn’t be proud! I should be throttling you!” Danni snapped as Christian raised his hands in surrender and walked away. “What are you doing out here, Ali?”

“Looking for you,” I replied and suddenly she grabbed my arm, leading me to the nearest table, but my eyes went to the door.

“Where’s Jimmy? Does he know you’re out here and how the hell did you end up in Summerford at a hunter’s bar anyhow.” Her voice was just what I needed to hear, while everything else had changed that same big sister voice still flowed through.

“I was at a hunter’s bar, because I am one, Danni, and Cas knows because Cas told me to come out and find you!” I answered shaking my head, but at the sound of me calling him Cas, I watched her eyes do this thing, like she wasn’t sure if she heard it right or if I had just jogged a memory. “Look, it’s gonna take alot to explain but…”

“ALI!!!” Sam screamed from outside, and Sam never screamed.

 

I push back the chairs as quickly as I could, and ran out the door. looking around, I couldn't see where the boys were at, until I spotted Sam’s shoe from underneath the front of the Mustang.

 

“Sam!” I screamed as I ran down towards him, to see Dean on his knees with one hand gripping the gravel, and Sam leaning over him as if trying to figure out a way to help him breathe. I knelt down before Dean, cupped his cheeks in my hand, and try to look him in the eyes. He seem to be gasping for breath, but breathing as he normally would. 

I heard his hand release the stones that he had latched onto before he reached out again and gripped another fist full, something more pointy that he white knuckled into his own palm as he clenched his chest. He grunted, as if he was hit with something and finally he raised his eye to look at me, the look in them pleading for help as if he were drowning and suddenly his pupils dilated in the dark, the green color disappeared and I ran my thumb along the scar on his cheek.

“Dean, come on, babe, you need to breath!” I whispered as I pressed my forehead against his. That connection, that one little instance of touch between us was when I felt it, when I saw it, and I watched as Sam reached out a hand from the edge of my vision. “Don’t touch him!”

“Why?” Sam growled but I backed away just as little as I shook my head. “Ali, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” The onslaught of Dean’s emotional memories, those one connected to his heart were flooding back at him all at once and he vibrated with power, a power that I could feel… feel and certainly didn’t like.

“I can feel him,” I whispered back, trying to explain the intense emotion the man on the ground before me was experiencing but I know there was no way that Sam was going to understand. “All of his memories, his feelings, they’re coming back, if you touch him, I’m worried you’ll feel it too,” and I moved my eyes to lock on Sam’s, “I don’t want it to hurt you!”

Just then, Dean collapsed further on to me, his arm giving way under his mental exhaustion and Sam reached out automatically for him, but the feelings were gone, the onslaught was over. I closed my eyes, thankful for the silence between us and leaned down kissing the back of Dean’s head as Sam grasped ahold of the back of his brother’s shirt.

I stared hard into Sam’s eyes, waiting for him to be hit with the same slap in the face of emotions, but there was nothing, no change in his eyes, no evidence of pain, but I saw everything that Sam was seeing. All of April flooded in for both of them, but Sam knew already, he had the feelings there, he just took them in stride.  Dean knew everything now, at least about that trip, Danni, the way he was with her, how they met, how they got together and every crazy, horrible detail, and now Sam knew too.

Dean curled up against me more, his head dropping to my lap as his hands released the rocks and rested gently on my thighs, catching his breath as suddenly one hand reached out from him to grip Sam’s shirt, to make sure that his brother was close by. And as I finally relaxed, I looked up at see Danni and Christian standing there.  She looked completely confused, but Christian took in a deep breath, his face filled with concern for his cousin.

~~~~~

I watched Sam crouch down beside the passenger's side door of Baby, protectively watching Dean who was sitting in her front seat, his head back against the rest and Christian tried to hand Dean the water bottle in his hand, but the older Winchester reached up and snatched the beer bottle from his cousin. I smiled as he cracked it open and drunk most of it down before his eyes darted over to me, just for a second before they closed again.

Danni bumped my arm, as I stood against the fender of the Mustang, watching the scene from a distance. There was just something in Dean’s eyes that told me that being close to him wasn’t the best idea right yet. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, shifted my weight and turned to look at Danni who moved up beside me, plastic cup in hand and I smiled.

“Hey,” she shrugged as she brought the glass up to her lips and I shook my head because I could smell the booze, “What Tally doesn’t know, won’t hurt him!”

“Tally?” I grinned wider and shook my head. “First name basis with the bartender?”

“You always have to be on a first name basis with the barkeep, it helps the free drinks to keep moving,” she snickered and I nodded. She definitely had a point.  Her eyes went over to the boys, specifically I saw her scan over Dean, who’s head was back as Christian and Sam talked, more or less, civil to each other. “So, I know you just got here, and this is so overbearing of me, but big sister thing, what’s going on?”

“You disappear for months and you think it's okay to be overbearing?” I replied back and looked at her, but she narrowed her eyes and shook her head, anger flashing in those blue orbs. “Okay, fair enough, last time we saw each other, i wasn’t exactly being helpful.”

“You were pretty much insane, Ali, they locked you up for a week!”  I stepped away from the car and nodded, licking my lips, but I turned to her, shrugged and took a moment to gather my argument.

“Danni, tell me how you got here?” but the woman just rolled her eyes and looked back at the car, which in turn made me repeat the gesture back. “No, listen, on June 21st, you walked out of a hospital room, right, just turned tail and marched your happy ass right out of my life, so what happened next? How did you get to be where you are? Hunting and don’t sugar coat it for me because I know how to hunt, I’ve been doing it just as long as you have!”

“You have not been hunting,” she laughed, and I pulled the gun from the back of my jeans, a gesture that got Sam’s attention, but I held it in my open palm. Danni looked at it as if she recognized it and slowly, I unclipped the mag and handed it to her. “Holy shit, those are Devil’s trap, silver bullets.”

“Yeah, Winchester style,” I replied, clipped the mag back in and tucked the gun safely away, and that was when she noticed the blade at my hip.  “Spectrum.”

“I thought they lost it at the accident?” 

“Nope,” I sighed, “ turned out a friend had it locked away for safekeeping,” I crossed my arms as I looked at her and shrugged, “so, you answer my questions and I’ll answer yours, deal?”

“I think I’m going to need a bigger drink,” she whispered, but her eyes went to the men at the car and I glanced back to see what had her attention. Dean’s bright green eyes were locked on her, a pained expression on his face, but Sam was scanning me over, the fact that I had pulled a weapon had set him in protective mode, but Christian just gave his knowing smile and I gestured to the bar. “Your entourage going to be okay with leaving you for two seconds? They seem awful clingy.”

“Yeah, one is kind of my protector,” and my eyes fell on Dean, “the other is mine!”

“Wait, let me guess, the shorter one,” and I stopped. Why was everyone pegging me with Dean? I growled. 

“Actually no, Sam and I are together. Dean, well, he’s a little more complicated.” I answered and the two of us walked into the bar.  Finding a seat, Danni waved at Tally, who brought over a couple shots, sitting them down in front of me. 

“Still your poison?” She asked and I smiled.

“Always,” I answered and threw one back, before letting the burn cover the feelings of Dean’s emotions. The residual effects of being too close to the Winchester left me raw and even the second  one didn’t dull it. “So how are we doing this? Want to play 20 Questions?”

 

“I'm always up for a good game of twenty questions you know that.” Danni smiled and both of us looked up at the door as Christian walked in followed by Dean and Sam trailing up the pack. Sam gave me a nod, Dean glanced between me and Danni before he headed towards the bar probably looking for something stronger than a beer, and Christian just leaned back putting an elbow on the counter as he watched over the two of us. “So who goes first?”

 

“You know how this goes, it's either rock/paper/scissors or big sister goes first.” I smiled as I grabbed the shot that was sitting in front of me. Third one's always a charm right? “So what do you want to know?”

 

“There's a lot of things I want to know Ali, the first one that comes to mind is what the hell are you doing here?” I smile that this because she was completely serious, right down to that narrowed, protective stare in her blue eyes. “And does Jimmy know you're here?”

 

“Like I said before, yeah, Cas knows I'm here,” I laughed as I looked over at the bar and signaled Tally to bring me another round. “He sent me here, he told me to come and find you.”

 

“How are you even functioning?”

 

“I got better, I remembered. I know reality from fiction now Danni, that's how I'm functioning, I finally got everything together, I got my head straight and I know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Right here sitting with you with those three boys doing what they do best.”

 

“Okay, so let's say that I believe you, that Jimmy knows that you're here,” Danni watched as Tally set the full glasses down and took the empty ones before she continued. “When did you start hunting?”

 

“The same time you did, when Wayne died.” And I watched her face pale, as she sat back, the anger rolling up on her lips as she glanced away. I knew not to push it but there was just some things that she needed to know, which was the truth, and the fact that I knew exactly what happened in Oklahoma.

 

“What the hell do you know about that, you can't know about that!” She snapped and shook her head.

 

“I know he was killed by a demon Danni, hell he was possessed by demon! But that's not how it went down, that's not how it's supposed to be. The truth is you remember it wrong.”

 

“How do you know exactly how I remember it? You weren't there!” 

 

“Actually, I was, no matter how much you think differently I really was.”

 

“You were in a coma in Ohio, you were not in my backyard, you did not see what I had to do my husband! Don't tell me that you were there when you clearly weren't.”

 

I sat back in my chair and rub my forehead for just a second before I took a deep breath, Gathering my strength because this was going to get messy.

 

“What do you remember about June 21st?” I started the questions all over again, because the train that this previous one was on was headed for a collision course with a wall, and I wasn't ready for impact just yet. Watching her swallow, I could see the emotions welling up in her eyes, and she snagged one of my shots Downing it quickly before snagging the next and tipping that back too. Yeah this was going to be one of those kind of nights. “You know I wouldn't ask these questions unless they were important Danni and I'm not trying to be a bitch but this is how it has to be done.”

 

“What has to be done? What are you fishing for?”

 

“Are you purposely avoiding my questions? I mean seriously Danni, avoidance is one of your Specialties but right now I need you to focus and give me the answers that I need.”

 

“You know, Al, I'm happy that you're here I really am, but this can't end anyway but badly.”

 

“That's just it, it has to end. You need to know the truth and that's what I need to tell you.”

 

“The truth?” She laughed sarcastically and cross their arms over a chest, “the truth is I have spent the last five months alone, because a demon... _ a demon _ , killed my husband! Do you even know how that feels?”

 

“If I told you I was sitting right there when it happened, you wouldn't believe me anyway! So just answer the damn question! What do you remember about June 21st?”

 

“I remember walking out on you okay! That what you want to hear, that I've been guilt-ridden since the moment I stepped foot out of that hospital, since I decided that walking out of your life would probably be the best thing for me! Instead of sitting there by my sister's side, I couldn't handle what was going on, so I walked away! I walked away from you Ali, so why are you even here now, you should be more than pissed off at me! You should be so livid that you never want to see my face again, and trust me I'm having a hard time looking at myself lately.”

 

“Well, here's the difference between us, Dan,” I said leaning forward, “you're not me, and no matter what you've done in the last few months, I know that you needed to get away I know that it was too much and I'm not going to hold it against you.”

 

“So you're forgiving me? Is that it? Is that what this is all about? Are you on some sort of _ I remember me so let's forgive my siste _ r trip?” She stood from the table the chair clacking back against the wall and she turned to head out of the bar. 

 

With a sigh I stood follow her, glancing at Sam as I raise my hand to have him in Dean stay put, but it was Christians concern that caught me. And I knew that there was more than friendship between them. I followed swiftly to where Danni stood at the edge of the darkness, of where the parking lot faded into a shallow wooden area. And she paced back and forth, like a lioness ready to pounce. She glanced up at me, shook her head and continued her stressed movements.

 

“Okay, so let's try this out here I guess.” I said softly trying to approach her with some caution. “Let me explain a little bit of but I've been going through. While you've been living in a reality for the last few months, this hunting, with Christian and Jo,” and I watched her eyes go wide at the mention of the woman who owned Harvelle's. “Yeah I know about Jo, Sammy remember?” But that was when I got that look, “that's right Sammy doesn't exist in your world.”

 

“Sammy who?” She snapped. “You mean the tall guy in the bar? What does he have to do with me?”

 

“I'll get to that topic later! Just do me a favor, tell me what you remember about the 21st, not about how you left me not about how you feel, just what you remember.”

 

Danni drew in a deep breath, she knew I wasn't going to give up on this line of questioning, and she just decided that she was going to give in.

 

“Well, at least I know you're feeling better, because you are as stubborn and pig-headed as ever! But yeah the 21st, I remember walking out of the hospital.” And her voice calmed to a low whisper, and her eyes darken does she remembered. “I walked out, I cross the parking lot, and I got into the Escape. You were ranting about something going on in Virginia. It was you, me, and Cas.” And she paused a moment, looked at me as if I might have suggested something to her, but then she shook her head. “And, yeah you mentioned that Sam and Dean were there too!”

 

“I figured as much.” But I left my comment at that, and watched her shake her head. “Just keep going will sort out those details later.”

 

“Yeah, so you are on this thing about Virginia, about how we were fighting some sort of demons and how you and I were linked by some blades,” Danni shrugged it off as she started to pace once more, her arms going from the defensive position cross in front of her to being stuck in the pocket of the jeans. “I turn that car on and I drove, but the next thing I remember, I was sitting in The Stang, in front of Harvelle's Roadhouse in Ohio, on the way home. Summerford was probably maybe six minutes from London, from where you had gotten into your accident but I couldn't stay in that town not knowing it had put you there, not knowing that I had lost you in that spot.”

 

“You didn't lose me Danni, I was right there the whole time.”

 

“You're not supposed to meet your sister for the first time while she's laying in a hospital bed in a medicated coma! You're not supposed to meet your sister for the first time while the swelling in her brain is going down, and the first words out of her mouth, should not have been about hunting and demons.” I watched the tears flow down her cheek as she quickly wiped it away. “So, you'll have to excuse me while I tell you that that was where I lost my sister.”

 

There was no arguing with her, not yet, she needed to know the reality of it, but she needed to vent her own reality, and I needed to know just what she remembered.

 

“Okay, so Harvelle’s? You walk into the joint in what, hook up with Christian,” I watched her roll her eyes and that made me smile, “ah, nope you hook up with Jo.” The way her eyes went wide when I said it me laugh, because I don't think she truly got that no matter what she did, I would fully understand. “Now Jo,” I smiled at her, “Jo I would totally get!”

 

Danni huffed at me, but she also gave that little bit of smile that made me realize that there was more to Jo than just a hookup. “Jo kind of took me under her wing, I was a little lost when I and I got there, I was a little confused and dazed, I just left you and here I was at a hunter's bar. Hunters, people I had never worked with before, and suddenly I had two partners. Christian would go out with me on hunts, Jo would be my phone call if and when I needed one, but they were always a place to come back to.”

 

“Yeah, I get that!”

 

“How? How exactly do you get that, as far as I know Ali, you have never been on a hunt in your life!”

 

“Danni, you have missing pieces, pieces of your own reality important pieces that I need you to understand are real.” She stopped and turned to me her eyes glaring, “I know it's going to sound insane and absurd, and probably twelve kinds of crazy, but it's real. Whatever I told you about Virginia, whatever I ranted about from April, it's all real. You just don't remember.”

 

“So, tell me what you know.” She Shrugged, and looked at me as if she expected me to just rattle off everything, but I had to smile and look at the bar, as I watch Dean step out and lean against the pole his arms crossed as he watched us intensely.

 

“I know a whole lot more than you think, my rantings weren't exactly nutcase material. They were just, well we weren't exactly remembering things the way they were supposed to be.”

 

“What do you mean? Ali you were buckets of crazy going on and on about things that you should not have known about, that I should never have known about! And Cas, I mean Jimmy, he was the one that was holding you down, keeping you grounded and now he's just letting you go, with that one?” Pointing at Dean, “he looks dangerous, he looks deadly. And he a God damn Hunter, trust me those are the worst kind!”

 

“Oh, you don't know that one, not yet!” I grinned as I turned to look at Dean, and then back at her. “Trust me when I say that he's one of the good ones, he's one of the ones that you want to have your back, him and his brother.”

 

“So Cas? Jimmy? Listen I know this is going to sound absolutely insane, but there's a possibility that they're the same person?” She asked me and I smiled, “no freaking way!”   
  


“What is Supernatural in your world?” And she looked at me oddly.

 

“You mean the television show Supernatural?” And I nodded, because you know what other show would I be talking about? “It's just a stupid fantasy, Syfy based show about an angel and a demon, who go around the country and fight monsters.”

 

“Just a demon and an angel? Like Cas and Crowley?”

 

“How do you know about Crowley?”

 

“Oh, I know a lot more about Crowley than I care to admit! In fact if I could stab him with a demon blade I would!” I smiled softly but she shook her head. “So you know Cas?”

 

“Yeah I,” she paused and shook her head as she looked up at the sky, as if she were ashamed even admit what was about to come out of her mouth, “I know Castiel the angel.”

 

“And I know Castiel the angel/Jimmy.” I answered and shrugged, which got her to look at me wide-eyed. “See, Cas or Jimmy, is the one that's been taking care of me for the last few months, like I said before he's kind of the one that sent me on this journey, so your angel and mine, same person.”

 

“The same winged douchebag that's been screwing with my life for the last two months? That's your Jimmy?”

 

“Yeah,” I smiled, “I guess you could say that.”

 

I watched her walk further out into the distance away from the bar and she held out her hands as she looked up to the sky.

 

“God dammit Cas! Get down here before I pluck your feathered ass!” I grinned widely as I watched her look around, but I heard the sound of his wings, felt the rush of his energy, and turned back towards the bar before hearing her gasp when she turned to look at me. “Son of a bitch!”

 

“Hello Danni,” Cas said in his gravelly voice and I did nothing but smile like an ass as he turned to me locking those blue eyes on mine, and opened his arms. I heard his soft voice whisper, “Ali!” And I was in his embrace. His hands cupped my cheek and he kiss me solidly on the lips, an old habit that he hadn't gotten out of yet. Before he broke away and smiled at me. “You found her!”

 

“Yeah no thanks to you!” I snapped back at him with a smile on my face but we both turned as Danni step forward, and within a second of moving back, her hand swung, and she slapped him wholeheartedly across the cheek. “Jesus Christ!”

 

“You've been with my sister the whole time?” Danni asked them and Cas reached up to touch the darkening spot on his cheek.

 

“I didn't think you would recognize me.” Cas admitted. “I didn't intend for you to put me and the show together so fast.”

 

“You didn't intend for me to find out anything!” Danni said as she poked him in the chest. 

 

Cas rolled his eyes looking up at the sky as she continued to poke at him before lowering his head and raising a hand to hers, “please stop, that hurts!”

 

“You've been with my sister the whole time!” Danni snapped, “and just because you were taking care of her, doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you! You have popped in on me on more than one occasion Cas, there was no reason for you not to tell me any part of this!”

 

“Actually there was a very good reason.” He stated as he looked down at me. “But I'm sure you haven't gotten to that point yet.”

 

“Yeah, we kind of just started with the whole Supernatural deal,” I said shaking my head, “so throwing in the whole memory loss thing kind of put a wrench in everything.” I patted him on the stomach a gesture he glowered at because I knew how much he hated it. “Danni and I just need some time to sort some things out. You happen to be one of them.”

 

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” Cas whisper softly to me, but that's when Danni let out of huff.

 

“Yeah, you can start by explaining this crap!” She snapped.

 

“I think it would be best if you discovered that on your own,” Cas replied, taking my hands in his, as he looked down at me. “Ali, there's some things that I need to take care of, but if you need me just call.”

 

“I always need you Cas!” I smile and he kissed my forehead before he disappeared.

 

“That got absolutely nothing accomplished!” Danni growled as she crossed her arms and looked at me. “So Jimmy is Cas, and Cas is Castiel, anything else you want to surprise me with?”

 

I bit my lip as I turned and looked at Dean who is standing in the same spot, his eyes a little wider do  to the fact that the angel had just popped in and popped out, before I left it back at Danni. 

 

“I really think you need to read my journal.” I said and smile.

 

“And I think I need another drink.” Danni walked past me, headed to the bar, but she stopped not more than three feet from Dean and looked up into his eyes. I followed by just to see what the interaction was going to be, and I listened as she leaned in close. “Listen Winchester, you hurt her, and you’re little Dean no longer exist!”

 

My smile widened as much as his eyes did, and I shook my head. Yep, for as much as she had been through, Danni hadn't changed at all.

 

~~~~~

With the pool stick in hand, I leaned over the table to set up my shot. Christian stood at the end of it, leaning against the wall as he watched Danni, who was sitting alone at the table.  My gaze went up as Dean made his way over with a beer and from what I got from the lip reading was he asked if he could sit down. Smiling, I shook my head and went back to what I was doing.

“Think she’ll be okay?” Christian asked as he pushed off the wall and leaned on the table where I glanced up at him. 

“Six ball, corner pocket,” I announced and let it rip, making him move his fingers as the ball basically bounced off the side where his tips curled onto the green. He sneered at me as he moved back and I winked. “You’re kidding right, this is Danni, Chris. You’ve been around her long enough to know, this isn’t going to kick her down.”

“I’ve been around her long enough to know something is up with her. You know she’s not all there, right?” He whispered as he leaned in close, “there are days when she is completely off her rocker.”

“We’re all a little mad here, Chris, most of the best people are,” I grinned and he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, Alice, tell me one thing, have you ever seen her do that thing with her hands?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve seen her do lots of things with hands, a few things, i would love to forget, but yeah, not catching what you're throwing, Hatter.” I replied and pushed him away from my cue ball.  “So, wanna English for me for just a little bit?”

“It’s weird, like a light,” he sighed, and leaned in close to my ear, “almost like an angel.”

I paused in my effort to find the right angle and turned my head to look at him. It’s a good thing we had become comfortable in each other’s personal space because he was just close, and his eyes went to my lips before settling on my blue ones again.

“Like a glow?” I asked and he gave a slight nod. “Yeah,” I whispered, thinking back to the time that she had pressed her hand against me, letting the bluish light fill me with warmth and take the pain away. “I know about that”

“Well, it’s getting more intense.” He growled, concerned for his friend and I put the end of the stick down on the floor, standing up to look at him as he went to his full height, “I’m not kidding, Porter, something’s wrong.”

“I’ll figure it out,” I sighed and I watched his eyes glance up behind me before he leaned in close.

“See that you do!” He ordered through clenched teeth before he moved away, and I felt a hand wrap around me. I smiled as the massive hand encircled my waist before Sam pulled me back against him.

“Can I be the jealous boyfriend now?” He growled against my ear and I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I turned in his arms.

“Only if you take me out to the car and do what you did last night in a jealous boyfriend kind of way,” I teased and watched the mischief flash in his eyes, his hands going to both my hips while he pulled me close.

“I can do that,” he leaned in and his lips brushed mine, moving me backwards into the darkness of the corner near the pool table, a little spot where we would never be seen as I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Or I could do that right here.”

“No, sir, Lover Boy, unlike you, I don’t share.” I teased and just before his lips claimed mine again, I caught a snippet of the conversation at the table with Dean and Danni.

“So, a vampire walks into a bar…”

“Seriously?” Dean snickered, and I knew they were exchanging war stories but I could hear the laughter in his voice, “That’s really what you’re going with?” 

What happened next in their world was drowned out by the feeling of Sam’s lips on mine.


	24. DH Remembrance -24

**Chapter 24**

The Impala

 

There are a few things in life that you can count on, at least with the Winchesters. One would be that you would always wake up wrap and strong arms if you were with Sam, the other was knowing that when you were laying in the backseat of Baby and only thing you smelled was the mixed scents of that interior, you knew just how safe you were. And then there was this one other thing that you could count on. Always.

 

You see this thing, his name was Dean and no matter how far away he was, he always had to know that his brother was safe. So how did I not find it odd that when I open my eyes, with Sam wrapped around me and over me, that I would find Dean perched with his back against the driver’s side door, arms crossed, eyes closed and head back against the glass. He wasn't sleeping, I could tell by the way his chest move, and the fact that his eyes popped open when I moaned and stretched.

 

Gazing over the seat at me without actually moving from the spot he was comfortable in, Dean ran his eyes down the length of my body well mine and Sam's, and suddenly I could feel the warmth in my cheeks as I noticed the familiar warmth against my skin.

 

“Get a good look?” I asked him as he smiled and shook his head.

 

“Honey, how the hell do you think you got that blanket on you?” He grinned and I look down at the trustee blanket that he had kept folded up over the cooler. 

 

Rolling my eyes, I kept thinking to myself: okay, this could go one of two ways. either I could be angry and upset at Dean for covering us both up, or I could be angry and upset at Dean for possibly sneaking a peek at me while he was covering me, up but I couldn't be either.

 

Dean was just protecting the both of us and I know that he wouldn't do anything that would compromise any part of our relationship to a point. I decided not to even bother to ask when he had climbed in and notice the two of us in the backseat. 

But I did ask instead, “why aren't you with Danni?”

So the night before had gone really well, Dean had somehow found the courage to walk up to the woman and sit down with her, though I could tell it scared the hell out of him, and yeah, no much did. Danni and Dean had hit it off sometime around closing time and I thought for sure that I wouldn't be seeing the older Winchester for at least several hours after I woke up, so Sam and I had taken the Impala pulled it in the back parking lot, and decided to settle down ourselves, of course that led from one thing to another and I found myself in the backseat Sam's legs and body covering most of mine. Now that was when the Dean come in. 

 

“Here's the deal,” he said gruffly, “Danni doesn't remember me, and what I've got from yesterday pretty intense, so there's no way I'm going there with her not now. Besides as soon as she decided that our little shot-for-shot challenges over, she headed back to the hotel with Christian and the two of them were sharing a room.”

 

I smiled, I knew exactly what he was talking about, the fear that Christian had taken his girl, but I knew differently and I couldn’t help but let that grin grow

 

“I wouldn't worry too much about Christian and Danni doing anything.” I tried not to laugh as he looked at me oddly. “Do you know she has a thing for Jo right?” His head whipped around quickly and he roll his eyes.

 

Sure enough, he was completely oblivious to the fact that Danni had been talking about the girl all evening, while avoiding Dean's eyes. I was pretty sure there was something there in Danni's memory, maybe a little bit of Dean that she remembered, that was triggering her to avoid looking into his green eyes altogether.

 

“So anyway can we move on with this?” He asked as he glanced down at me again staring at my bare arms and shoulders as I pulled the blanket up to cover my chest. not that it was exposed before but this was Dean and he catching a glimpse of skin that it could.

 

“What? you want me to get up now and go to breakfast? I laughed at him as I felt Sam's hand caressing my stomach under the blanket.Yeah there was no way I was moving now. “I see two problems here, Winchester,” I smiled at him, “one being I'm naked, and to your brother’s bare assed and lying right behind me. So, please explain to me how you expect me to get up for breakfast. Especially with you sitting in the front seat!”

 

“I'm not leaving.” He gave me a wicked grin and I shook my head again, this getting a hum from Sam as I push my body back against them. But Dean had heard the noise, closed his eyes tightly for a second, and dip down lower in the seat. “You know what? You guys are killing me! I can't be in this car with the two of you like that! You can't expect me to not go back to the whole thing of Sam sharing.”

 

“It was a joke Dean,” Sam said from behind me, his voice deep with sleep and I watch the older brother's eyes snap over to the one’s that I assumed were now opened behind me. “She's right, can't get changed with you in the car.”

 

“What about that neat thing she does with the towel, you know put her bra on underneath it, pull on her jeans…” And then he stopped. I saw his jaw clenched and I smiled the images apparently were attacking him and he rolled his eyes. I can just imagine what was going on in his mind and he glared at me with sex-laden eyes, but full of fierce determination that he wasn’t going to react. “Okay okay, I get it I'm getting out, you to get dressed I want coffee!”

 

And with that the door to the Impala kicked open, and Dean shuffled out standing, with his back to the glass, as his hands went deep into the pockets of the jeans.

 

“That was mean you know,” I said to Sam as the man curled up against me more, pressing his morning excitement against me and I moaned. “Do you think if we start rocking the car he’ll notice?” 

 

Sam moved my hair from my ears, placing his stubble cheek against mine. and I could feel his breath brush over my face. “Not if we move really, really slow.”

 

I felt this hand glide from my stomach to my waist and then slowly down over my ass until his fingers slipped between my legs. I gave him a shiver as I felt his tip pressed against me and slowly he pressed forward, entering me just a little. I close my eyes, bit my lip and tried my best not to make any noise as he kept moving, slowly gliding in and out, but just a little bit until Dean banged on the door. Yeah he knew exactly what was going on here and with that Sam stilled. Dean turned and gave him a dirty look.

 

“You are not doing that in my car while I'm standing right here!” The two brothers locked eyes and all I can do is smile pushing back on Sam taking him and completely and moaned. “Jesus Christ! I'm going to go find something to shoot.” 

 

And with that Dean walked away. Sam’s lips brushed my cheek as he laughed quietly, but his arm, the one that I was using for a pillow, came around and he cupped my breast as he pulled me in closer, wrapping his arms around my waist as well. His hips moved with a gently sway, still wanting to keep the challenge of not rocking the car, but it was that slow torture that I craved. 

“Do you want my brother?” he whispered in my ear, and I whimpered as I heard it, because it wasn’t what he asked but the seductive sound of his voice that had my body going into a full-on shiver.  “Do you want Dean here?” His finger dipped lower and flicked at that one sensitive spot and I took in a sharp breath as I dug my nails into his hip. “Oh, what the two of us could do to you.”

“Stop!” I growled, and I wasn’t kidding because as he said those words, the memories of a time when I stood outside my body, watching Dean, listening to the demon in the voice flooded in. 

_ “You could have come in your own suit, you didn’t need to hijack Ali.” Dean stated, bracing his footing the closer that the demon got. _

_ “Oh but you don’t know just how fun it is to be inside her head,” it smiled, and it was just as evil of a smile as it could get before it was on top of Dean, the strength of it sending the man back against the wall.  “You should hear the thoughts she’s has about you and your brother. Mmm, saucy little thing isn’t she?” _

_ The demon closed the distance between them, its mouth a breath away from Dean’s who was struggling to breath as the demon squeezed his throat.  I watched their eyes make contact and the demon tilted its head.  _

_ The demon smiled, brushed its lips, my lips, against Dean’s. The demon backed away and grinned as Dean held his eyes tightly closed. “See, even you have those thoughts.” _

_ “So, call me a typical guy, it happens.”  Dean snapped and struggled against the hand that held him.  “It doesn’t change what Ali is to me and I swore that I would protect her, now you can either get out of her or I can make you, your choice.” _

_ “I think I might stick around inside for a bit, maybe head back to the motel, try out that moose of a brother of yours, before moving on, or maybe, I’ll just start with you.” _

Sam had stopped moving, staying completely still as I found that I was lost in the memory before I pulled away from him and turned quickly in the seat, my hand coming up to his cheek as the tears flowed from me. Sam grabbed my hip, tugging me closer as his arms went protectively around me, the mood darkened and I shook my head.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tucking my head under his chin as his hand went to the back of my head, his fingers running over my scalp, sending calming tingles through me as he sighed. 

“No, I am, I shouldn’t have said that about Dean, I know how close the two of you are,” he said softly, “you know I remember everything, Ali, everything until I grabbed you for Virginia.”

“I know, Sam, I know,” I wrapped my leg over his, as if the touch of his body wasn’t close enough. “I think I did some terrible things, some really, nasty things.”

“What did you see?” he asked as his finger traced under my chin, tipping my head back so I could look at him. “What memory could you have possibly gotten from me asking you about Dean?”

“I don’t know what happened in June, but I wasn’t myself, and I think a demon got in,” my body shook with the confession and his eyes darkened.

“What did it make you do?” I had never see the possessiveness in his eyes as they changed to a hunter green color. 

“Nothing, I think I kicked it out before it happened, but it was talking about both of you,” I blinked back the tears as his thumb caressed my cheek, brushing against the wetness.

“Ali, demon’s… they lie, it’s what they do.” he spoke softly as if to not upset me more but I shook my head, not to contradict him but because I don’t think this one was lying, I think it was using some twisted version of the truth to get to me, to get to Dean. Not that I wanted him, but that I had a need for Dean.  “This will all work out, okay,” he said softly, and kissed my forehead before doing it lightly on my lips. “It will all be okay.”

There was a knock on the glass above our heads making us both tilt out head back to look at the annoyed face of the older Winchester. Dean’s expression was one of  _ you’re not ready yet? _ With a little bit of  _ give me a break _ , before he shook his head and turned around. This time he wasn’t taking walking away for an answer, we needed to get dressed.

~~~~~

The Church Street Diner in Carthage was a small breakfast nook that seemed to suite the five of us well, Giving us a corner booth, I sat on the inside next to Dean, with Sam situated across from me, and Danni across from him as Christian swung a chair around and found himself a spot at the end next to the cousin that wasn’t glaring at him with daggers, but I had a feeling that’s why I was locked in the corner between them, for Sam’s sanity and Christian’s safety.

I looked up at Sam over the menu, our earlier conversation about the memory had him in a protective mode that he couldn’t shake, especially with the fact that I didn’t remember how the demon got in, or how long it had taken to get it out. More so, I think it bothered him that I had no idea what it did in the meantime.  His blue-green eyes, sparkled as they flickered over to Dean, who’s shoulder rubbed harmlessly against mine before I cleared my throat, and just gave him a look before those eyes went back to the tablet in front of him.

“So, what are you working on?” Dean questioned, breaking the tension that was growing at the quiet table as everyone prepared their coffee, but Danni looked up at Christian before glancing at me.  Yeah she still didn’t trust Dean and that might be an issue. I raised a brow, gave her the nod to go ahead and spill and she looked down, putting butter on her bagel as she looked up at the green-eyed man through her lashes.  “I mean, Christian said you might not be here for very long, more like a stick and run, but what’s got you hung up?”

“Well, for one, all the victims were male,” Danni replied, her voice doing that  _ if you really must know _ kind of tone and I couldn’t help the small smile that crossed my face. “So, that give us a bunch of options.”

“That’s all that you got?” he smiled, and I listened to her drop the knife, slowly putting my cup down so that I could jump intervene at any moment, you know like the instance when a sharp, shiny object went flying.

“I said  _ were males _ , didn’t say they stayed that way by the time I got to them.” She shrugged and this had Sam looking up towards his brother, brows creased with curiosity as Danni took a drink of her coffee. Christian just hung back and smiled at the collection of minds before him. “When we got there, they weren’t more than a pile of ash.”

“Ash?” Sam questioned, his expression going to one of  _ that’s a new one _ and he picked at the muffin in front of him.

“Ash, like from a chimney?”  I questioned and watched her nod.  

“How did you know they were males then?”  Dean questioned curiously. 

“Let’s just say that those specific indicators weren’t exactly included with the rest of the body,” she answered and Dean sat back, his eyes going wide as his mouth formed that “oh” as in, yeah, he was getting a pretty good picture. “So, we matched DNA with the ash to the part and wallah, instant male.”

“That’s… creative,” the older Winchester replied. “Well, at least you know you’re not dealing with a specter or some really pissed off spirit.” He shrugged, “last time I saw anything turned to ash, it had managed to set the body on fire but that included the bed it was on.”

“Spontaneous combustion,” I added and went back to the pancakes the waitress had given me, before noticing Dean staring me down. I turned my vision up to him as I cut into the pancake and shrugged. “What?”

“You know that doesn’t happen right? The body can’t spontaneously do anything remotely close to catching itself on fire.” I smiled up at him, raised a brow and took a bit of the pancake. “Besides, what kind of creature wants to lop off a man’s funpole before reducing him to a pile of chimney dirt?”

“The pissed off and revengeful kind,” Danni smiled and I nodded, but I could suddenly feel Sam’s hand on my knee under the table and I looked up at him. Something about the statement had made him uneasy, and I returned the touch in kind, because I knew just where his mind was going. “So this is what I got. In the last week four men have gone missing, four piles of ash and their detachable parts have been located, the problem is, we don’t know what or who the monster is that could do that.”

“Anything found at the scene, besides the wayward body part?” Dean continued with the little references without actually using the word penis and I nearly choked on my food. He turned to me and patted me on the back. “You okay, Kid?”

“Are you afraid of the word?” I laughed at him, finally catching my breath.

“What word?” 

“Penis, seriously, you guys are dicking around the word with these little catch phrases, as funny as they might be, but you’re adults, you’re aloud to say penis.” I grinned at him sarcastically.

“Okay,” Dean huffed, “Penis,” but I watched him stop and kind of grimace as if there was a bad taste in his mouth. “Nah, I don’t like it.  Let’s go back to what we were doing?”

“Seriously, are you two?” I questioned and Danni put the knife down, watching with interest at the familiar way the two of us talked to each other. “So, penis tastes bad on your tongue, but you’ll go with wayward body part… because why?”

“We’re in a diner,” Dean stated in all seriousness, “one with church in the name, Ali.”

“Oh my God, are you going to be struck down because of your use of the english language or is it just funnier in Enochian?”  I watched as Sam cracked a grin as the two of us managed to keep the conversation to a pretty consistent pitch. Christian shook his head, took the mug from the table as Dean turned, almost knocking it over.  “I bet you won’t rattle off the name of every body part like that.”

“You want me to go into an anatomy discussion right now?”  He grinned and his green eyes locked on mine

“Oh, come on, Mr. Yale, you can’t tell me you don’t know something about anatomy.” I joked but then realized my mistake.

“Oh, I know plenty about anatomy, baby.” I slapped him on the arm. “What was that for?”

“Don’t call me baby!” I replied back, in all seriousness and he glanced at Danni, who just gave him a  _ don’t look at me for help, you did this _ kind of way. “Now, are you going to man up or what?”

“Okay, fine!” He said and leaned in close to my ear, whispered off every word for semen that he could come up with at a seductive snail’s pace and as he did so, my eyes were locked on Sam’s because Dean’s hand was at the base of my neck, the pad of his finger twirling in one spot, sending shocks through me. But there was one word that caught me, one that made me shiver in disgust. “Milt.”

“Eww!” I snapped and turned my head, locking eyes with him.

“Oh, that’s ew?” he replied back, but his hand hadn’t moved. “Of all the things I just said to you, that’s what you ew at?”

“Where the hell did you get that word?” I questioned and he sat back, looking down at his food.

“It’s a synonym for it, look it up,” he snarked and finally removed his hand as he sat straight, grabbed his mug and took a drink as if he had just won the world series, but with the word, came the visuals and I slowly pushed the plate away, especially as the butter melted on the pancakes. Without skipping a beat, Dean continued the conversation with Danni. “So crispy fried man and a wandering Roman, what do all of these… stiffs, have in common?”

“So not funny!” I mumbled, got over my queaziness and tugged my plate back, catching Sam’s eye as I reached for my coffee.

“So totally is,” Dean mumbled just loud enough that I could hear him and suddenly Sam’s legs were blocking mine from kicking his brother. 

“Is it always like this with these two?” Danni questioned, leaning towards Sam and the younger Winchester just smiled before he leaned in a little closer, and I could see the strange spark of connection.

“Worse,” he grinned but his eyes only rested on mine, as Danni patted him on the shoulder. 

“You poor man!” And I looked at her as if she were nuts. “So, onto the case at hand, no, there were no connections between the men and as far as I can tell, nothing like this has ever happened in this part of the state before.”

“This part of the state?” Sam spoke up glancing at her, “it’s happened in other parts?”

“1979 in Syracuse, about fifty people died in two months, the problem was when we dug deeper into the archives, we found that while most of them actually were fire-related, some of them were just our kind of related.” Christian spoke up this time and I watched Sam almost bite his tongue off to keep from saying  _ who asked you _ but Christian just continued. “Before that there were smaller incidences across the state, but none that would have grabbed a hunter’s attention.”

“Or the Men of letters at the time if it were before 1954,” I added and watched the boys look at me, “hey, I know my history.”

“What were some of the towns?” Sam asked.

“Ah, Clay and Greenwich, if I remember right, but those were just a few years before, there are older ones.” Danni sighed. 

“So you got no connection, no pattern, and a pile of ash.” I finished the last of the pancake that I had in front of me before I push the plate away one final time. It must have been a cue for the waitress to come over because as soon as I did this, she was behind me reaching over my shoulder. Though not suspicious by nature, I couldn't help but feel this strange vibe from her. Turning in my seat I watched her walk away, I felt a hand rest against my thigh, and I glanced over at Dean, before I turn back to Sam and Danni. “So my question would be what did they do before they disintegrated?”

 

Sam's curious look was one that I knew well, and he started tapping away at the tablet before he cleared his throat and looked up, the waitress now filling are half empty coffee mugs as a refresher before she walked away. Again I found myself watching her move and I realized that there was just a strange vibe that was coming off of her. Danni looked at me oddly, before I shook my head, grabbed my bag under the table, and took out my journal.

 

“What are you doing?” Chris asked quietly. I just shook my head wave my hand as I grab my pen, and open to in blank page, hoping that they would continue with what they were talking about and ignore what I was writing down.

 

“So get this,” Sam whispered as he sat forward on the table bringing the tablet into the middle of it so that everyone can see. “It looks like they were all in town for business meetings, or at least in general area for some sort of meetings, they weren't from anywhere around here, and came from Chicago, Dallas, St Louis, and Salt Lake City.”

 

“And that's weird how?” Danni questioned.

 

“Major cities,” Sam replied, “with absolutely no reason to be in a small town like Carthage New York.”

 

“What companies did they work for?” I spoke up, without taking my eyes off and paper as I scribbled down the images that were flashing through my mind.

 

“Um,” Danni hummed as she grabbed a file folder from her bag, “looks like one was in trading, one was in plastics, one did statistical research, and the last one was a window salesman.”

 

This got me to look up and I watched Dean mouth the words  _ window salesman _ before he whistled and went back to finish the food in front of him. I shook my head sat back and looked at the drawing in front of me, before I turned and glanced over at the waitress, who was eyeing our table suspiciously. Dean elbowed me, shaking me back to reality as I glanced at the four of them.

 

“You think we could pay the bill and split?” I asked with a bit of rush to my tone, and Sam’s concerned gaze rested on me but I only gave him a smile and a small shrug. “Anxiety is kicking in, I got to get out of the building.” I explained but I knew that he didn't believe me just by the look on his face, but he nodded anyway. “Okay so I'll meet you outside!”

With that, I pushed the chair back, collected my bag and book and bolted for the door. I was standing at the end of the Impala when I heard the door squeak again and the sound of the bell against the glass made me look up, to see Danni walking towards me, anger on her face.

 

I put my hands up to stop her, as her hands came up and her arms opened to take me in an embrace. “Please don't!” And I watched her halt in her tracks. “Look Danni, I know you don't get this, but I'm not that fragile person you think I am. I'm not going to fall apart because we're looking into a case and I'm certainly not going to melt into a pile of useless bones because of an anxiety attack. I actually don't even have one.”

 

“So you lied?” She snapped, the concern turning to a little bit of annoyance. “What the hell Ali? Why would you lie about something like that?”

 

“Because I knew it would get me exactly what I wanted, you coming out here to check on me.” And with that everything that was written on her face changed. “Look, I know you don't think I've been doing this for a long time, but I've been hunting for just as long as you have. I know some things and yeah they're kind of strange, but they get the job done.”

 

“You know some things? What kind of things could you possibly know?” I watched her side step with annoyance and just give her a small shake in my head. “And what's with you and Dean?”

 

“Okay, let's address one thing at a time,” I barked as I place the bag on the back of the Impala. “One, there's nothing with me and Dean, and once you start remembering the truth you'll know that! Two yeah what I know, that's a little harder to explain.”

 

“Try me!” I watched her cross her arms, in a  _ I'm not moving till you tell me _ kind of way and I could do nothing but comply.

 

“Okay, for a start, you're dealing with a phoenix.” I waited, watched her shift in her position, and then clench your teeth in frustration. “And now your next question, is going to be how exactly do I know that.”

 

“Yeah, that was kind of the thought I had going,” she growled, “so are you going to explain it or not?”

 

“I'll explain it, but isn't going to be easy to hear.” Danni stepped up to me closing the distance but keeping her arms crossed, which I found kind of amusing because this woman, was anything but intimidating to me I knew her inside and out, but I knew she had also been through some rough times so I wouldn't put it past her swinging. “Danni, it's not going to be fun, but once you remember once we all remember, we can get past some of whatever is between us, whatever is between you and Dean! And I know you can feel it because you keep avoiding him. As for knowing what we're chasing, that's a little more difficult.”

 

“One,” she stated looking back at the boys as they stepped out of the restaurant, “there's nothing between Dean and I, and two, you've been difficult since I've met you so why would now be any different?” She gave me a little smirk as she said this and I relaxed and she slipped an arm around my shoulder, and move me away from the parked car. “Now tell me what the hell is going on!”

 

“Since I woke up, since this last time that Cas wasn't able to keep the spell going, I've been seeing something. Dean seen her once, the Sam hasn't seen her at all. He's had marks from her on his chest, but her physical appearance, he hasn't seen that yet. She wants me to remember, and I don't know what she's asking me exactly. I mean I remember almost everything except the details of June.”

 

“You're the one that told me all about June,” Danni said confusion on our face, “how is it that you can't remember at all? Not even what you told us in the hospital?”

 

“Nothing,” I whispered, “I get bits and pieces of different memories, but I can't put them together in any way that makes sense, any series of events. The other thing that came with it, is these dreams and these visions of monsters.”   
  


 

“Monsters?” She said in disbelief.

 

“Yeah you know the crap shit, Boogeyman under your bed, headless horseman in your closet kind of monster! Whatever the boys are hunting, I can see. Which is how I knew you were hunting a phoenix.”

 

“I don't get it, exactly how did you know, I mean you took one look at that waitress and all of a sudden you’re scribbling crap down in a book.”

 

“Yeah I know it makes a whole lot of no sense at all but this is how it happens Danni, I just get the visions. I mean they're not nice at all, usually somebody's dead, and I'm the one left holding the bag, but it gives me something to go on.”

 

“So what did I give you this time?” She asked softly as her arm wrapped around my shoulder once again apparently to help control the shaking that I wasn't aware I was doing.

 

“I don't think you'd get the reference,” I said softly and watch as she shrugged.

 

“Give it a shot, let's see where it goes.”

 

I took a deep breath, “okay so this is what I got, whoever it is, has been around for a very long time. Phoenix don't die. They are reincarnated when they burn up to ashes, essentially you could kill one you know the old-fashioned way, but it's only weaknesses iron, the only way I've ever seen it killed, was by Samuel Colt's magic gun!”

 

“Okay wait, are you talking about the COLT that Cas uses to try and kill Lucifer?” I wanted to stumble back of it because Cas never used the weapon on the devil, Dean did. But then again I keep forgetting that this is not my timeline, so Season 6 Episode 18 to her would be completely different. “Okay I can see it's giving you a headache so just keep going.”

 

“It's not giving me a headache, it's giving me a pain in the ass!” I stepped away from her touch to rub my temples as I gather what information I needed, from the back of my mind, and decided that rambling would probably be the best bet to get my point across. “Okay season 6, the boys are looking for the Colt, so Cas zaps and back to frontierland, to track down Samuel Colt. Sam manages to get it from him, but while Sam was busy, Dean decided to get involved in a case that involved Phoenix. Guy named Elias was hung for apparently killing his wife, but that's not how it happened. Somebody found out that Elias was a monster and they thought that she was too so yeah. Anyway Sam comes up with the Colts, Dean uses it to kill the Phoenix, but Cas zaps them out before they able to get what they need, which is the actual ashes of the Phoenix.”

 

“Jesus,” Danni smile, “what world do you live in again?”

 

“I know you don't get it okay but this is my Supernatural reality, this is what my boys did or wait, not those boys,” and I pointed to the ones that stood around the back of the car, “the ones on the show because in my reality it's not the Cas and Crowley show, it's the Sam and Dean Winchester show! So anyway, as far as we know, the Phoenix only be killed by the Colt, which we don't have, which probably doesn't even exist in the real timeline. The problem is is that what I saw in my vision, Danni, it doesn't end well. Just like every other vision I've had before!”

 

She walked up to me grasp my shoulders with her hands, and look me deep in the eyes. “I'm going to guess your Visions haven't come true yet, at least not all of it, because those boys are still standing, and so are you. How many monsters is have you fought using these things? These visions?”

 

“Only a couple, because it started when Dean and I met.”

  
“All right,” Danni sighed, “let's go back to the hotel and see if we can't come up with some lore on your Phoenix.”   



	25. Chapter 25

Beer for my horses

I looked up when the Mustang roared to life. Sam was standing beside me, Dean had already slipped into Baby and we were about to head back to the motel with Christian and Danni. The best part was they finally had two rooms. So, for the remainder of this playtime it was supposed to be that Danni and I bunked together while the boys figured out their differences. Which was not very likely to happen with the way that Sam had been staring at his cousin all morning, like Tessa the Reaper was ready to claim him. It was actually getting better, but there was no way I believed that the room situation was going to be any different than it was now, which meant I would have both Winchesters to deal with.

When we made it back to the hotel I moved some of my bags into the second room, but just as I was about to turn around and leave, dropping the first in bag by the door so that the Spectrum blade was close, I ran into a wall. Okay, so it wasn't so much of a wall, but a six foot five moose of a man. I never noticed the height difference until right then, when my face was smack dab in the middle of his abdomen.

I put my hand on his chest and pushed myself back so that I could grab his hips and stare longingly up at him. Sam sighed, his fingers coming up to caress my cheek on both sides and he leaned in pressing his lips against my forehead.

 

“What's wrong Sam?” I whispered as his hands moved from my cheeks and his arms wrapped around me pulling me in tightly.

 

“What did you hear me say in the car?” He spoke softly. He sat down in the seat behind him, slipped his hands between my thighs from behind and dragged me towards him, letting me straddle his waist, pulling me closer as I sat down.

 

“Sammy you don't really want to bring that up, do you?” I ran my hands through his hair trying to not let him see that it had upset me just a little that he had caught my little slip into my memory.

 

“Okay, maybe I don't, but when I mention Dean and it stops you from being with me, it's a little, I don't know, strange.”

 

“Sam,” I ran my hands down from his hair to the side of his face, running my thumb over his lips, “I will never want to be with your brother, it's only you. I know that Dean and I have a really weird connection, but it's just not that way.”

 

“So why can’t you tell me what you heard me say? I get it, I really do, if a demon said anything along those lines you know they're lying, if that's truly how you feel.” I tipped my head up and brushed his lips with mine. Taking a second to gather my strength I let my lips linger a little bit longer until I felt his breath against me.

 

“You asked me if I wanted him,” I whispered softly and pushed back so that I could look into his eyes again, “You asked me if I wanted Dean where you were, inside and then you said something that triggered the memory. You said  _ oh what the two of us could do to you _ .”

 

“I never said that!” Sam said shocked. He sat back a little bit more, putting an uncomfortable distance between us and his hands moved from my neck to take my fingers in his hands. “What I said was, I wish he would go away, that I wanted to be with you without my brother being there. Complete opposite of what you heard. So what happened with the demon?”

 

“I don't know,” I blinked away the tears uncertain as to how to answer him, because I really didn't know. “I didn't understand how Dean and I had gotten to that point to begin with. All I know is that it used almost the same phrasing, something about wanting both of you.”

 

“And you don't. I mean, you don't want both of us right?” I slipped off his lap taking a few steps back shaking my head, but I ran my hands through my hair before crossing my arms. “Ali, talk to me.”

 

“I just don't know what you want me to say or how many times I need to say it, but no I don't want your brother that way.” I sat down on the bed and ran my hands over my face. “I'd like to remember everything that happened so I could just get this done and over with. So I'm not in the dark anymore, but I'm afraid Sam, afraid of the truth of what really happened in Virginia.”

 

He came closer, kneeling down between my legs as I sat there on the bed and he ran his hands over my thighs before he circled my waist and and pulled me up against him. I could almost feel every part of him, but I still had to lean back in his arms to look up into his eyes.

 

“Are you afraid that I won’t want you?” I closed my eyes. Yeah, that was what I was truly afraid of because he had already said he wasn’t sure that if his vision was real that he would be able to get past it.  “Ali, if I know one thing about us, one sure fire thing. We have always been great at this, at keeping each other leveled, grounded… safe.”

 

“And if that truth hurts too deep, what then Sam?” I shook my head, “Losing you again… I don’t think I can survive that.”

 

“You’re not going to lose me, Ali,” his palm cupped my cheek, fingers stretched out behind my head and tangled in what little hair I had back there. Dean had done a great job to leave just enough so that it hung down in front but the back was long enough to grab a handful and I felt his fingers do just that. “Not ever again.”

 

My heart skipped a beat as my brain made the snarky remark of  _ don’t make promises _ , like it was laughing at my pain, but I pushed it back and waited, feeling his warmth against me. God, I needed him and I needed him to finish what he had started that morning, give me some closure to the heat that pooled below my stomach at the very sight of him. No, as much as I loved Dean I would never want him as much as I wanted Sam, but that same thought came back to slap me wondering if I would need Sam just as much as I needed Dean. I growled at my confusion which sparked the lust in Sam’s eyes as the man suddenly leaned forward and captured me in a kiss that shook me to the core and I reached up, grasping handfuls of his hair.

 

Sam was all hands, moving in a frenzy that had me kicking of my jeans in moments as he lifted me at the waist to get them down. His kiss was how I remembered, claiming, passionate and there just to make me forget the rest of the world and it worked because all I could think about, all I wanted to know at that moment, was Sam.

 

I heard the button from his jeans click open and the zipper fall, but it was my own hands gliding down the long length of his body, over his chest to his hips, that pushed the harsh material away as he leaned his forehead against mine, letting the feel of my skin against his take over him.

 

He made a noise, not a moan but something in between that and a sigh, when I wrapped my fingers around him gliding up his length slowly teasing the tip before moving back down and I watched, even with how close he was, as he bit his lip. Still gripping him tight, still moving ever so slowly over him, he tugged me down so that I knelt on the floor before him and the only time I let him go was when he grabbed me by the hips and started to turn me.

 

I smiled as I braced the bed, feeling him mold against me as he slipped inside with ease. I shivered as he filled me and tipped my head back against him while his hand came up and teased through my hair.  After a few slow torturous moments, after taking his time to slowly caress the inside of my body with his, he stopped situating himself as close as he could get, blanketing my body with his as his lips came down on my neck.

 

Sometimes slow and torturous was Sam’s thing, other times he had a need that just couldn’t be satisfied with taking it easy and this seemed to be that kind of way. I could feel his teeth against my skin, the way that his breath seemed to rush against it when he started to move and suddenly I was riding a high that I hadn’t felt in months. One that told me that Sam was in total control of this situation. 

 

He moved like an artist, knowing just how fast, how deep to go to get a reaction out of me and it worked every time, especially when his fingers flicked over the spots he knew would sent shivers down my spine. I reached back and took hold of of his hair, tugging him closer as his lips still branded along my neckline. I needed that little bit of extra, the little tinge of pain and as if he had read my mind his teeth came down upon me, biting gently at the slope.

 

I’m not sure how long it actually lasted, but it felt like never ending waves of pure pleasure as he suckled at the skin and thrusted against me, pumping until he swelled and I plummeted over the edge and while it might have seemed quick and needed, it wasn’t. It went on forever until we were both moaning towards our end and I collapsed with my head on the bed bending over it just enough so that I could catch my breath as Sam’s forehead rested between my shoulder blades. I felt his fingers trace the mark he had left and I smiled. There was that familiar feeling I had remembered when Cas had caressed my neck. That  _ marked, you’re mine _ kind of tingle that told me that I was his and while we tried to stay locked in that moment we both knew it wasn’t going to last.

 

“Porter, quit playing with that boy and get out here! We need to talk!” Danni interrupted and I sighed. If it wasn’t one older sibling, it was the other.  

 

Sam slowly slipped out leaving me to gasp at the feeling of him hitting that sweet spot once more before leaving me empty and I heard him growl before his lips were against my ear.  

 

“Do that again and we’re going for round two. Screw the case.” He sighed, but it wasn’t much of a threat considering I would definitely be game for it, but I knew that no one outside the room would leave us be. Without replying I continued to lay there, situated on my knees, bare assed and sated until Sam came back and grabbed me around the waist hoisting me up to the bed so this time I was laying bare assed instead of kneeling. “Dammit woman, you really need to put some clothes on.”

 

“Screw the clothes. I’m just gonna lay here.”

 

“Alright so when Dean comes in…” he started, but all that got from me was to reach over, grab a pillow and cover myself up with it. “Oh, yeah that will go over really well. He won’t notice at all.”

 

“He doesn’t have to look.” I replied, smiling as I felt him start to dress me. I tried my hardest not to make any noise that might set him off as I felt the light cotton of my underwear slide under the pillow and I lifted my hips to accommodate him before the rough feel of my jeans followed.

 

Sam leaned down towards my ear as I did the same with my hips, letting him pull them on, but he left them unbuttoned, his hand going flat to the small of my back and he kissed me softly on the temple. 

 

“I swear you will be my undoing, Ali. I can’t concentrate when we’re alone. So be prepared, because I’m opening the door and Danni is probably going to come storming in,” he sighed. “Stop thinking about the memories, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Stop thinking,” I smiled and opened my eyes too look at him, “Yeah, easily accomplished when you’re so close, but the moment you move...”

 

“I’ll be right outside,” he reassured me as his kissed my cheek, patted me lightly on the ass and moved off the bed. I heard the door open and his footsteps walk out, disappearing into the distance as I closed my eyes again.

 

I felt the bed move, the weight beside me shift and when I opened my eyes I was staring at the bright blue ones of the woman in black and the soft smile on her face turned to a grimace as she suddenly reached out and grabbed me, turning me over as she wrapped her hands around my throat, pinning me to the bed with her weight as she straddled my hips.

 

She didn’t squeeze hard, but her fingers clenched enough to remind me that she was there as I tried to kick out from underneath her. She leaned down enough so that the curtain of her black hair seemed to block out everything around me.

 

“Remember, Ali, you need to remember.” There was no menace in her voice this time, but she leaned down, closing her fingers as she did and just as her lips met mine the air started to cease flowing to my lungs and suddenly I felt as if I were underwater, her kiss the only thing that kept me from drowning.

 

The images flooded in, like a rush of water filling my lungs, making my head swim with vertigo, but I could see everything. Arriving in Winchester, holding Dean, greeting Danni, the mirror, the house, Sam and the Charger, the blades, Castiel, the evil that took me over. John’s death, his funeral, Crowley, but the one thing that seemed to stick out at me was the man. He was evil and light at the same time, he was the darkness that pulled at me and as the memories came back the wall that blocked them out came crumbling down and I felt the fury inside me.

 

_ Don’t scratch at the wall _ ! Death had said as he walked away, but that was it the wall came crashing down and as I opened my eyes, as her hand released me, I looked up at her smile and noticed the brand on her neck, the light red tattoo that I know I had seen before.

 

“Who are you?” I managed to squeak out, but that was before the gunshot. The sound echoed through the room and I watched the bullet exit her from the front, a dead shot right to the heart, but all she did was look down at the bloodless hole in her chest, the grin widening on her face.

 

“You can’t escape your destiny,” she smirked and suddenly faded away, leaving me to lay there staring at the empty spot where she had been. “You have to go back to where it all started.”

 

“Ali!” Dean’s voice broke through the fog as his hands came to my cheek and my eyes focused on his. “Son of a bitch!” he mumbled as he seemed to relax a little crowding my side as he took a hand from me to run it over his face. “What was she doing?”

 

“I remember,” the words barely audible as I stared at him. “I remember it all, Dean,” I spoke softly and watched as he leaned down over me, his gaze flitting back and forth trying to get a read on my eyes as they filled with tears, “I know every horrible thing I did in June.”

 

“Hey Kid, come on,” he smiled. His thumb stroked my cheek, but it was totally fake as he licked his lips. “Couldn’t have been all that bad.” I turned away from him, moved to sit up, but felt his hand press against my stomach, holding me there as he stared me down. “No matter what you remember, Ali, I’m not going to let anything happen to you and I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Not until you know it all at least,” I sighed and slipped out from under his hold, buttoning my jeans as I looked up and saw Danni in the doorway, her eyes watching the actions of my hands flitted over to the man on the bed and then locked on mine. Slipping on my sneakers I walked up to her, took her by the arm and stared deep into her blue eyes. “We need to talk.”

 

“Duh, that’s what I knocked for,” she smiled, but the laugh faded as she shook her head. “Okay, come on, the boys will just have to be okay with me protecting you. Let’s go for a ride.”

 

~~~~~ 

 

The look on Dean’s face as we pulled away told me everything I needed to know about how he was feeling. Confused and angry, but it was Sam’s pacing that showed me that the boys were not okay with me being out of their sight and even with as possessive as it sounded right then I would have been okay with being locked away with them forever.

 

Danni drove for only minutes, or at least it seemed, before we were pulling into a dirt drive, one that lead us to an open field with only a small shack situated next to the road. She turned off the car and gestured for me to get out to which I sighed and opened the door to the Mustang. 

 

It took me longer to get out of the car than it did for the knowledge of everything that I had done to hit me and suddenly I was at the end of the car, gripping my fingers around the edge of the lid as what I had eaten for breakfast came up faster than I could breath.

 

I felt Danni’s hand on my back, rubbing it in soothing circles and I swore if she  _ oh, honey _ -ed me at any point I was going to get pissed and swing. I shrugged off her hand, stepped away from the car before I straightened and walked out into the field.

 

“I killed John!” I stated and shook my head turning to look at her, but there was no judgement on her face, nothing that would indicate that what I had said truly stunned her. “And you don’t even know who he is right now.”

 

“I know,” she shrugged. “I know that he was those boys’ father and I know that you think you did the right thing, because it sent him to a better place. I know that you sent a demon back to wherever they go with that blade.”

 

“And I sealed this for you and me!” I growled and shook my head. “I did this, Danni, all of this! I left you alone to deal with Wayne’s death, I took Dean from you, I took his father from Sam and I made you all forget. So why are any of you still around waiting for me to help you remember? You should all be running for the hills, or better yet, locking me back up!”

 

“We’re all still here because whatever you think you did that was so wrong was done out of love and that trumps everything.” She shrugged and felt her hand on my arm. I didn’t spin around, I knew she would be there, but I glanced back at her and shook my head.

 

“It really doesn’t, not with what I did.” I turned back to the field, letting her hold me there for just a moment before her hand dropped to her side.

“I can tell you everything you did, from my perspective. Everything from the moment we met in Virginia, because you told me about it.”

“And how is that the same?” I shrugged and ran a hand through my hair. “How does that make any of this right?”

“I doesn’t make it right, Ali, it makes it real.” Danni sat down on the grass, reached up and tugged on my hand, bringing me down to sit beside her. “I didn’t believe you back then. Didn’t really want to know the truth when you were in the hospital, because it was so bad, but it wasn’t you that made it that way, it was that I wanted to believe you. I wanted to be lost in that world too, because I had been doing some pretty dangerous stuff as it was.”

“You weren’t,” I smiled and looked over at her, resting my elbow on my knee as I brought it up and she looked at me in confusion. “From April to June, the things you did, the hunts you went on, they weren’t as dangerous as now. They weren’t alone.”

“What do you mean they weren’t alone?” She looked at me completely confused by this and I gave a little shake of my head as if to ask why she didn’t know. 

“I never talked about that month?” I whispered and licked my lips. Of course I wouldn’t, there wasn’t anything that Cas would find significant to erase or to block that needed to filter through. He would have only blocked the major events that really affected us, like our meeting in April and the misadventure in Winchester. “You were hunting with Sam and Dean and when you weren’t with them, you came to see me.”

“How exactly did I do that?” She rolled her eyes, “If I was with the boys why was I close enough to come  _ see you _ ?”

“Because you had an angel on your shoulder. You had Cas.” I smiled and watched as she looked at me, her face suddenly going solemn as she thought of the man and I was about to ask her what was wrong, but she shook it off and took a deep breath. “Danni, no matter what you think you did to him that was so bad, Cas can handle it, he’s a strong guy.”

“Yeah, if I told you, it wouldn’t be Cas that you were worried about.” She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “I’m going to be honest, which I rarely am with myself. I haven’t been doing so good, not with…” she paused, “Ali something is wrong with me.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I snapped around to look at her. “What do you mean something’s wrong with you?”

“Ali I can do stuff, like to people,” she whispered softly and I just closed my eyes, because I knew something was going to come from this that I didn't like, but I waited for her to continue with her thought. “When I touch somebody, like say during sex.” This made me look at her and she just gave me a questioning expression as a response. “What I'm not a prude! Look, see what happens is, is that when I touch them I can feel their energy coming into me.”

 

“Yeah, that kind of happens during sex!” I stated sarcastically and felt her slap my arm.

 

“That's not what I meant!” But she smiled. “I mean. I can see a blue light wherever my hand touches and it draws their energy from them.”

 

“Does it hurt them? I mean when you do this, do they seem to be in pain?”

 

“I never bothered to ask before, it's such a rush, such a high that I don't even care.” Danni shook her head. “The worst part of it is, is that I get jonesing for a fix and I don't care where the energy comes from.”

 

“What about Jo?” I asked softly, but she just slowly moved her head back and forth. “Is that like a  _ no you can’t have my honey bees _ no, or a  _ no I'm never flying my plane into a mountain _ no?”

 

“Okay neither of those pertain to the situation at all! Where do you get this crap from?” She snapped at me, “It means, no it's never happened with Jo before and I won't let it. I don't know what it is and I don't know if it's going to hurt her, but I'm not going to let it happen.”

 

“Okay, so you get jonesing for it and what? You go off and you grab a guy and you go for it? But they don't seem to be hurting, so what's the issue?” I asked pulling my knees to my chest as I wrapped my arms around them trying to get more comfortable on the hard cool ground.

 

“The problem is that I don't know what the power is or where it comes from.” She growled and ran a hand through her hair, pulling it back into a ponytail before she looked at me and I watched her jaw clench. “So thinking back on Virginia and what you told me about it, if it were real then this whatever it is comes from that!”

 

“You think you picked up whatever power this is from Virginia?”

 

“Well, according to you I'm the light and you’re the darkness. So, blue light equals what... angel grace?”

 

“Yeah I guess,” I shrugged, but I knew that there was something more to it than just that. I knew I had been feeling a bit off since I started remembering, a bit more ready to fight and visions of the monsters were just not normal, but this was the time to listen to Danni not express my own fears. “So what do we do? Like tie you up or something?”

 

“It's not like I'm going to go out and find a guy just to do it to,” Danni sighed as she looked out at the field. “So, as much as he pisses me off and I wouldn't mind getting my hands on Dean Winchester, no.”

 

“Okay, it's eww and good in the same sentence.” I replied as she looked at me with a big grin on her face. “I thought you would be happy to hear I even thought of him that way,” she teased.

 

“Yeah I'm happy, but really, I don't need to know the details of what you want to do to him. You certainly don't need to know that you want to go all angel gracie on him because that's just, well, that's just gross!”

 

“What are you... two?” She laughed and put her hand on my back between my shoulders. “Okay, so what do we need to do to figure out this blue light?”

 

“Well first things first. I think we need to call an angel.” I smiled at her as the thought of having Cas close by sent a shiver down her spine. “Are you going to tell me what happened between the two of you?”

 

“Between me and Cas? Not in a million freaking years!” I nodded, letting it go for now, but curiosity killed the cat and I so needed to know. I listen to her sigh, but then she closed her eyes and kind of looked up at the sky. I knew what she was doing, she just decided to do it quietly, until I heard the sound of wings lightly behind me. I turned to watch the man who wore jeans and a t-shirt shrug on his coat before sitting down in the grass beside me. Danni opened one eye and looked over at him. “Took you long enough!”

 

“I realize that 2.3 seconds is quite long in your mind, but I got here as soon as I could.” Cas replied as he pulled his knees up to his chest or as much as those jeans would allow and wrapped his arms around them. “I did hear what you were speaking about, the angel grace, you're right, it's left over from Virginia.”

 

“And of all the times that we spoke you couldn't have told me that sooner?” Danni snapped and I reached out placing my hand on her arm. “Way to keep it to yourself Cas!”

 

“Well the subject never came up,” Cas stated in his own defense, “Had you told me you were having this problem before I could have helped.”

 

“Had I told you before then _ before _ would have never happened!” She snapped and I watched as Cas locked his jaw and looked away. Whatever had happened between the two of them was definitely something I was going to investigate later, because an angel who shut up and a Danvers who wouldn't made for some interesting mystery. “Anyway,” Cas started again, “it is residual energy, from the God Killer blades.”

 

“The what now?” Danni questioned.

 

“The God Killer blades,” I repeated quietly and flashed back to holding one of them in my hand, but the voice that I heard in my head was Sam and the way that he explained the history.

 

_ “Yeah, the myth goes something like centuries ago, there was word of a prophecy that was beginning to unfold. So, a bloodline was created and along with the knowledge that two and only two would be able to bring about the end of this event certain pacts were made. Pacts of protection between those who wished to protect the bloodline for their own lives, to keep them from this awful fate and pacts to ensure that they would indeed fulfill what they were destined for.” Sam rattled off and I was impressed by what he knew. _

_ “The fact that you remember all that is freaky, you know that, right?” Dean teased as he looked over to his brother and sighed. _

_ “There’s more.” Those greens eyes rested on me. “In the fires of hell two blades were forged using magic that sealed the knives making them unstoppable with the ability to kill anything they came in contact with, right down to the blood magic that was folded into steel.” I watched Dean put a hand over his eyes and run it down over his face giving his head a small shake as to say this wasn’t good. “Unique in the fact that they were forged in hellfire and blessed with angel grace, the knowledge that only those two would be able to wield them made both sides a little edgy. Deadly to both angel and demon these blades were feared by all, but to some it signified the end of something greater than anything ever created.” _

_ “Wonderful. So, where are they?”  _

_ “They don’t know,” Danni spoke up and looked at him. Dean sat up straight, annoyed that he seemed to be the only one out of the loop. _

_ “They lost two blades with the magical properties to kill anything?” Dean questioned and watched her nod. “Well that’s just freaking awesome.” _

“So what do I do about it now?” Danni growled and I watched Cas lower his eyes.

 

“As far as I know there isn't anything to do about it, not until you remember everything and by remember I don't mean go by what Ali had told you happened, you need to remember everything,“ he whispered and slowly stood, moving to stand in front of both of us as he reached out of hand. “Unfortunately, we have another issue that needs your attention at the moment.”

 

“Oh God,” I rolled my eyes, “did Sam finally kill Christian? Do we have to hide a body?”

 

Danni slapped me across the arm hard and I looked at her as I mouthed the word  _ ow! _ as I rubbed my arm. She rolled her eyes at me, reaching up to take Castiel's outstretched hand. The angel pulled her to her feet before he looked down at me.

 

“This is going to take all of you,” he whispered and I slowly found myself reaching for him, but when he pulled me to my feet I found myself wrapped in his arms.

 

“Are you flying or do you want to drive in the car with us?” I mumbled into a shirt and I felt his fingers threaded through my hair as he laughed.

 

“I think I'll meet you there. We have to figure out this phoenix situation, they found another body.” I backed away from Cas, looking up into his blue eyes and shook my head.

 

“When?”

 

“Just this morning. I overheard Dean talking about it to Sam. It came through the scanner shortly after you left, but there's no signal out here and if you don't want two Winchesters coming after you my suggestion would be to get back to the hotel as fast as possible.” Cas answered as he slowly stepped back releasing me completely.

 

“You need to come with us!” I stated softly and watched as he shook his head at first, but his eyes went to Danni's who just rolled her blue ones at him and he sighed. “I mean it Cas, you need to be close and I need you to do me a favor.”

 

“What kind of favor?” He whispered, his head leaning in towards mine as I grabbed his hand, grabbed the pen out of my back pocket and drew the symbol that was tattooed on the woman's neck onto the palm of his hand. “I've seen this symbol before.”

 

“This was on her neck, The Woman in Black. I got a good look at it when she decided it would be time to give me back everything. I've seen it before too, I just can't place it and it's important Cas, somehow it's very important.” His lips brushed my forehead as he backed away closing his fingers around the symbol on his palm before he nodded in Danni's direction and glanced at me one more time, locking eyes. “You'll be there right?”

 

“I'll be there.” He stated quietly, before he suddenly disappeared and I watched Danni stomp her foot.

 

“God, I really hate when he does that!” She said sarcastically and the two of us walked over towards the car. Before getting in she looked at me over the roof and I watched her bite her lip. “Ali, you won't say anything to Dean will you?”

 

“That's your bag of tricks, I'm not touching it!” I smiled. “When it comes to Dean Winchester there are just things that you don't play with and whatever your feeling or not feeling for him that's something I'm not going near. The two of you will figure it out in your own time.”

 

“As I recall, things between you and Dean have always been a little intense so it's not my toes you'd be stepping on, it's your own.”

 

“I swear I am on endless repeat when I have to say this. There's nothing between Dean and I, at least”, I paused, “at least nothing like that!”

 

“Ah-ha, keep telling yourself that chickie!” She smiled which only got a small shake of my head in annoyance as I yanked open the door and slid into the Mustang. I heard her giggle just a little bit longer before she slid in behind the wheel and started the engine.

 

So we're off to find a phoenix, fun! 


	26. DH remembrance - 26

**Chapter 26**

 

You don’t watch porn

Danni and I pulled up to the hotel and slipped out of the Mustang, only to be met by Dean at the door. He looked at Danni, gave her a wink and grabbed me gently by the upper arm, tugging me down to the end of the walkway before he looked down at me, his eyebrows raised as he tilted his head just a little to the side, telling me that, yep, he was beyond annoyed. 

 

“You sent Cas?” He question, and crossed his arms as he looked down at me.

 

“You're kidding me right?” I asked as I shook my head, “you can't seriously be angry about the fact that Cas is here. Come on, Dean, I thought you were over that.”

 

“I'm over the fact that he's... Listen next time you decide to send the angel, give me a heads up, so I don't have to be here when he shows up.” Dean growled leaning down closer to me, and I stepped up on my tiptoes, kissing him on the nose, an action that got him to step just a bit back. He looked around before he came back at me, closing the space. “What the hell, Ali?”

 

“Dude, you need to learn how to relax!” I reply and watch to see rolled his eyes before taking one of his hands and rubbing them against his forehead. “Cas is here to help, and we need all the help we can get, in case you haven't noticed.”

 

“Fine!” He snapped but he didn't move out of my way as I tried to walk by. Stepping to the right just as I stepped to my left, I noticed the pattern the Winchester was doing, and I finally put my hands on my hips and shrug my shoulders, waiting for him to just ask what was on the tip of his tongue. “Are you okay?”

 

“Don't  _ are you okay _ me, Dean! You're the one that’s sitting here having a fit about an old friend showing up to help you, and you’re  _ are you okay-ing _ me?” I watched the worry in his green eyes, and I just sighed. “Yes, I'll be just fine, as soon as I figure out what the hell to do with what I know, and how to take this edge off.”

 

“What you know? What is that supposed to mean?” And I watched his eyes fill with worry, completely ignoring the comment about being on edge. 

 

“There are things in my memories, things that I can't share with you,” and those words Dean shifted his weight in annoyance, and I reached out to grab his shirt, taking two fistfuls of the black tee-shirt he wore, as I held him close, pressing against him as I looked up, leaning my head back. Dean uncrossed arms, slipped one hand around my waist, and the other behind my head, as if supporting me before he leaned down just a little bit more. “It's not that I don't want to, Dean, please don't think that, it's just that I can't right now. I don't understand it myself, why would I lay it on you?”

 

“Are you going to tell Sammy?” He whispered as he closed the distance, keeping our conversation between us and I shook my head, because what would I tell Sam that I couldn't tell Dean, and at that moment there was nothing either of them needed to know. “Why wouldn't you tell him?”

 

“Like I could keep it a secret from you! You would probably know first anyway,” I sighed, and found myself drawing in the scent of them, is deodorant, aftershave, and a little hint of the cigarette he had about an hour ago. “You do realize that right? That there's nothing that isn't shared between the three of us.” I realize my mistake and word choices as soon as the grin appeared on his face and I just clench my jaw, growling underneath my breath. “You know what I mean, Dean!”

 

“Yeah I get it,” he smiled widely, but his voice was low and dangerous, “so, truce?”

 

“You and me?” I smiled, “we need a truce? I didn't realize we were on fighting terms.”

 

“You brought the angel in, he's your responsibility.” Dean grumbled as his hand came down from my neck to wrap around me hugging me quickly before letting me go. His hand slipped down to mine and he grabbed my tiny one in his large palm, before wrapping his fingers around mine and tugging me towards the room again. When we stopped in the doorway, I saw Cas standing with his arms crossed against the bathroom door sill deep in conversation with Christian, but when the angel looked up, his blue eyes were locked on mine. Dean lean down close to my ear, and I feel him huff in frustration. “And if he keeps looking at you like that, I'm going to break his nose.”

 

I couldn't help but smile at this, as the overprotective Winchester walk by and sat down at the table with his brother, grabbing the laptop as I entered and found an empty spot on the dresser. Hopping up, I leaned back against the wall and watched as Danni played with her files, the two boys seem to be deep and research, and Christian and Cas started to go over books in the corner.

 

It was then that I had had it with the quietness, and I open my arms wide slapped my hands together, the sound ricocheting through the room. Dean nearly knocked over his coffee, Sam's eyes shot up and stared at me, while Danni giggled under her breath. Cas just shook his head knowing my habits from living with me for the last three months, but it was Christian’s look of confusion that had me smiling.

 

“Okay, let's get the show on the road,” I started and looked over between Danni and Christian. “You two started this gig, what do we got?”

 

“Well, a new victim just came in,” Christian said as he stood and grab his tablet from the dresser beside me, flip through the pages that were open by just touching the screen, and stopped on a news article. “Apparently he was called up 5 days ago, to discuss life insurance with an unknown source. Cliff Walker was a broker out of Tulsa.”

 

“Okay so, who is here to see?” I asked as the two of them looked at each other. “Seriously, neither of you have anything?” I rolled my eyes, and just waited for a moment before I looked at Sam. “Can you pull up credit card statements on this Cliff Walker guy? You know hotel rooms maybe cell phone bills, hell, cell phone use. I mean there's got to be some trail In his call logs about why he's even up here.”

 

“They didn't find any possessions on or around the site,” Danni said as she flipped through the paperwork she had in front of her. Not quite sure how exactly they had gotten the coroner's report or the scene report from the police department, but she had it in her hand. When I glanced up towards bathroom, I saw Cas give a small smile which tell me exactly the answer that I needed. 

 

“Cas, you can't just go into the police department and steal documents.” I growled.

 

“I didn't steal them, I copied them.” He stated matter-of-factly, and with all the frustration I felt at the moment, I couldn't help but smile at the man, because he knew that that was funny.

 

“Okay what else you got?” Dean spoke up, glancing at the people around him. “We know that it was the Phoenix again, so what kind of lore do we have, what do we need to put this bitch down?”

 

“Hey guys,” Sam spoke up, catching everyone's attention as he looked up from his computer. “Five days ago Cliff Walker got a phone call from a local payphone.”

 

“They still make those things?” Dean asked as he pulled a beer from the cooler and pop the top. I rolled my eyes at him, but he just gave me a smirk and his own little  _ give me a break _ kind of look.

 

“Apparently,” Sam raised a brow, his blue-green eyes coming to meet mine, “and it looks like the only one in town, is in the diner where we had breakfast.”

 

“Alright,” I whispered, throwing my hands in the air as if to give up, “can you pull the records on that payphone? How much you want to make a bet all of our victims were called from that one number?”

 

“Doesn't necessarily narrow down our list of suspects, does it?” Christian question as he came to lean next to me on the dresser, making Sam's eyes darken as the younger Winchester became very protective. “How are we going to figure out who made the calls from a public pay phone?”

 

“I have an idea,” Danni said softly. She looked up from the files, from me to Sam and then to game. “We need to get a log of the pay phone calls.”

 

“Okay, we established that already,” I spoke up trying to shake the agitation, “sorry I didn't mean for that come out as a snap. What I'm saying is we get that we've got to grab the call logs, but what's your idea?”

 

“Well, when we get them,” she spoke up a little bit of irritation in her voice, “we can match them against shifts at the diner. Once we've established what shifts they were made from, and on what day, we should be able to narrow down who was there, and who might have used a payphone.”

 

I watch the boys nod in agreement, all four of them before Danni's eyes locked on mine and I smiled giving her a grin that told her I definitely agreed with her idea.

 

“So the next part of this issue,” I said. 

 

I sat back swinging my feet back and forth as they knocked against the dresser, and I tap my fingers on my thigh as a nervous twitch that I couldn't seem to stop. I heard the chair move, but didn't think anything of it until Sam's hands came down on top of my fingers, and he braced himself against my legs pinning my ankles to the dresser.

 

“You okay?” He whispered as he leaned in close, and it was all I could do not to reach out and grab him by the shirt, and pull him in for a kiss, but shook off the feeling and just nodded. He leaned in and pressed his lips against my forehead, and I close my eyes enjoying the warmth before he pulled away. “You were saying our next issue is…”

 

“How do you kill a Phoenix?” I replied and he smiled.

 

“I have another potentially irritating issue,” Christian spoke up hand my eyes turn to his. “How do we find their next target?”

 

“I think once we have the phone pattern down that shouldn't be hard at all.” I raise an eyebrow and glanced at the rest of them. “So, now on to the next task finding any kind of lore on Phoenix, and how to kill something that rises from its own ashes.”

 

~~~~~

 

I put my head back against the wall, tucking my feet up on the bed as I bent my legs, my grandmother book open to the very last page that I had read at least ten times. Yeah the room was getting stuffy, the boys were getting irritated and I was getting nowhere, At least Danni had managed to escape to get dinner, but that left me with Cas, Christian, Dean and Sam all with their noses stuck in either a book or a laptop, at least that was what I thought until I heard it.

It started out as a little moan, then a louder one, and I picked my head up to glance around the room, thinking I was maybe hearing the couple behind me but that was when I saw the television and Cas sitting at the edge of my bed. He had been there all night, reading through some old book that he had picked up from one of the safehouses, some place where the boys had started to stash the research books they needed, but that wasn’t what he was doing now.

From behind, i could see the way his head tilted just a little bit, the slump of his shoulders as he sat with his elbows down on his thighs, not quite as low as Dean but enough so that he wasn’t sitting straight up. Did they not teach these angels anything especially not to slouch, but that was when I heard the noise again and I leaned over more towards my right, to see past him to the flat screen tv.

Bodies were in motion on the screen, naked bodies… naked bodies doing… THAT! How the hell were they doing  _ that _ there? I mean physically that should be impossible, and slowly I found myself tilting my head just like Cas, which caught the attention of Christian who was on the second bed, and he looked at me as I caught his eye, cleared my throat and sat up quickly, my cheeks a bit red. That was when it happened, she let out a moan that had every man in the room on high alert and I watched as both Sam and Dean looked up from the computers. 

Sam glanced over at the screen, grinned, looked down and suddenly his head came whipping back up as he looked again, then over at me as I gave him a shrug. Dean rolled his eyes, turned in the seat and sat forward to look at the screen before his eyes locked on the angels.

“Cas, are you watching porn?” his deep voice vibrated through me and my eyes went quickly back to the screen, yeah...wait...how the hell??? 

“You wouldn’t think it was humanly possible for him to put that in her at that angle.” Cas stated matter-of-factly.

“Cas, you don’t watch  _ porn _ in a room full of guys,” Dean grumbled and my eyes locked on his, “no offense, Ali,” and all I did was raise a brow, but I put down the book and slid to the end of the bed, leaned into Cas and tilted my head again to watch the screen. “And you don’t talk about it either, so just shut it off.”

The woman on the screen made a noise that shook me so deep it made me shiver and what he was doing to her… my hand went to Cas’ leg, the part of it that was hiding under his elbow, not intentionally but I needed something solid to grab onto as my eyes went wide. And with that, both Cas and I looked down, I leaned a little in and looked between his legs, no filter here.

“Oh great!” Dean growled, “now he’s got a boner!” Dean stood, looked at the way the two of us sat there and he snatched the remote from Cas, “I said shut it off.” That would have been about the time that Danni chose to walk in and she stopped to see Cas and I staring at his crotch and Dean rolling his eyes. “Ali,” he reached down and grabbed my arm, “just…”

“Angels get erections?” I questioned, looking up at Cas, ignoring the man who held my arm, but Danni nearly dropped the bag of Chinese food. Sam reached out and caught it before she let loose. Dean looked up at her as she laughed, then tugged at my arm and I swatted at his thigh, getting him to let go, but I knew why he was pulling away, my hand was still resting on Cas’ leg. “But when you and I were together, you never…”

“Okay, I can’t listen to this!” Dean growled and walked back to the computer.

“It never was an issue,” Cas answered, “I had multiple erections while you and I were together, I just never acted on them because I knew your feelings for Sam.”

“Oh, good,” I said, honestly relieved, “I mean thank you for not acting on them but it’s good to know…”

“Did you think that I didn’t find you attractive?” Cas openly asked and I heard Christian choke on his beer.

“Well, you know, looking back…” but I stopped and moved my hand quickly as I slid just a little further away, “okay, maybe wrong time, wrong place.”

“No, no,” Sam smiled, “I wanna hear this.”

“Well, I don’t!” Dean growled and sat down grabbing the bag. “In fact, I’d like to not hear about Cas’ boner or the time the two of you spent together ever again… like never.”

“Wow, jealous much?” Danni teased as she walked over to grab her stuff from the bag.

“Sensitive subject,” he answered and looked at me from under his lashes. 

“Maybe a more private discussion later would be more appropriate,” Cas whispered to me as he stood, touched my cheek and walked into the bathroom, past Christian who was doing nothing but grinning and my eyes turned to Sam, who was just shaking his head as he went to find his lo-mein.

“Okay, why are we talking about erections?” Danni asked and Dean slammed his fork into his rice and put the box down on the table as he looked at Sam with a straight face but I couldn’t help but laugh as Danni took out a chicken finger and bit down on the long piece of batter covered meat. 

~~~~~

I watched Dean stand and slip out after dinner, not sure why it was such a habit, but with most smokers, even ones who did it as rarely as Dean, the urge for a nicotine fix was always there mostly after he ate, and that’s exactly what happened.  Giving him a minute to get himself sparked up and at least one puff in, I moved towards the door, letting my hands flow over Sam’s shoulders before I headed out into the night. 

It had been a while, a few hours at the most, since the need to be so close to him had been so overwhelming, but the more irritated I grew with the research, the more I found I needed to get him alone.

I walked up to the back of the Impala and watched him pace just a little with one hand in his pocket, the other holding the cigarette gently as he brought it up, took a drag and then let it linger near his thigh. He didn’t acknowledge that I was standing there, not for at least three minutes, enough to make it through the whole thing before he snuffed it, tossed it out towards the middle of the lot and suddenly came at me.

I placed my hands on the hood of the trunk, bracing for impact, but he stopped just about a foot away, giving me enough space to tilt my head back and look up, covering the fourteen inch height difference.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” he whispered, his free hand clenched as his other remained in his pocket. 

“I wanted to check on you,” I shrugged but he knew better and let his fingers trace over my cheek when he brought his hand to me. I closed my eyes at the feeling and took a deep breath. 

“That’s my job, you know,” he sighed, and I managed to opened my eyes wide enough to see him watching the on way his hand moved. “To check on you, to keep you safe, not the other way around, Kid.”

“I think it might be both ways,” I tilted my head into his touch and sighed, “I found something in the book, something that I think your dad knew about. I heard him growl low in his throat at the sound of his father being brought up, which automatically had my hands on his chest and I stepped closet. “Listen to me before you totally freak.”

“You know my dad was playing with a demon, right?” his voice was deep and menacing, “so not freaking out is probably the last thing that’s going to happen.”

“Well, this was in my gram’s book of shadows, not John’s so slow your roll and listen.” he rolled his eyes at the suggestion and eased back a bit, his hand coming from my cheek and down to my hips before he nodded. “Let’s see if I can recite this from memory?”

“You memorized a spell?” his right brow raised and and the concern crossed his face. “Witchcraft is not something you should be playing with.”

“I know, I could get addicted, but it’s not a spell, it’s something else,” I paused to find the words. “An explanation maybe?” 

“From a witch, in a Book of Shadows, that’s called a spell.” Dean sighed, glanced up to the sky and gave his head a little shake.  “Fine, go ahead.”

“Okay, so it said: _ he of hunter’s blood _ , that would be you i would assume,” I grinned but he just gave me a sarcastic snarky look, “ _ she of witch’s brew, what fate will lock together, no magic can undo. An unrealistic pull, a need of personal touch, unite the two together with unbreakable love. No heart unioned together, this isn’t done in lust, for protection and direction until they be as dust.”  _

“Alright,” Dean stepped back, “What does that even mean?”

“It means us, Dean, hunter and hunted, AKA witch!”

“You’re not a witch,” he stepped back, releasing me altogether as he crossed his arms and took up the pacing again.

“But I am,” I whispered and watched as his gaze snapped towards me. “It’s what we found out in Virginia, hell we found it out in April, but you just don’t want to accept it. My grandmother’s coven made a pact with Crowley. I’m protected by him, by their magic, and somehow, she found out that you and I were connected, it’s why John ran.”

“He didn’t run!” Dean’s voice went dangerously low as he came towards me, his eyes staring down mine as he locked me up against the car, but instead of touching him, I put my hands on the back on the bumper. “He was taken.”

“Before that, long before that, when he pulled me out of the river, when you wrapped a towel around me, he ran because he knew that the instant we met, this was going to take over.” 

“But Lisa, Danni, Cassie?” he named off the women that he had loved and I smiled.

“Not done out of lust remember, which means your need isn’t romantic,” I shrugged, but the mere presence of him was so intense and he leaned down, hands at my hips again, lips so close to my ear as he breathed that I couldn’t help but close my eyes.

“Then why do I need you so badly?” The words were soft, but the bite behind them hit home and i did my best to make sure that the whimper that threatened to escape stayed buried deep down. “I can’t stay away from you and it’s killing me.”

“Take Danni,” I replied, it was the only thing I could think of. “Before we find the phoenix, Dean, there’s still time. Take her and make her remember.”

“I can’t leave you,” and there was that growl, the possessive hint of his just under the bite of his cigarette, and I raised my hands to his chest.

“I have Sam, and Cas, Dean.” I mumbled because him this close, was all he was getting from me as his lips brushed against my cheek, “I’ll be safe.”

Just as quickly as he came on, he was away once again, and I found it a little easier to breath. The book also said the need to protect the other half would trump others, and that need for touch strengthens the bond, becoming more of an ache then a desperate want the more time we were together, but that part lied, that part was wrong because I needed Dean as much as I needed Sam and it was just growing. The separation made the need stronger, creating a powerful draw that blocked out everything else, and as I watched him pace, I knew one thing, I needed him to be not so far away.

Danni walked by, glancing at me as she narrowed her eyes. Yeah that whole  _ something between you and Dean _ thing popped back into my head as she winked at me before she moved towards the Mustang to collect something out of the back.  Dean looked at me, cocked his head to the side just a bit, and I watched him take a deep breath.

Danni climbed into the car, not what I was expecting her to do, but she just curled up in the seat, foot out the window as she relaxed. Didn’t see that coming, but with a room full of men, yeah, I would need my space too. 

I gave Dean a wicked grin, winked at him, as he gave me  _ that _ look, and headed inside to find the other three scattered around the room, looking just a bit guilty of something. I flopped down on the bed, put my arm behind my head and glanced at the the way all three of them looked at me.

“God, can you guys look any more like you’ve been spanked!” I laughed as Sam looked over at me, now sitting where Dean had. Christian raised an eye at Cas, whose stoic look told me nothing.  “What? What is going on, because you three are killing me.”

“So get this,” Sam spoke up, but the joke just couldn’t get past me and I felt the smile on my lips even if he was being serious. I watched as he took a deep breath but gave me just that small sly little grin. “All five of the victims were called from the payphone five days before their arrival in Carthage.”

“So our pattern is what, a five day prep time before they turn to dust?” I questioned and listen to the sound of the engine of the Mustang roar to life, Highway to Hell blaring as she peeled out of the parking lot. Christian’s brow furrowed and I made a point to make eye contact with him. Danni was safe, and with the way she was kicking ass, I almost laughed because it was Dean that I was concerned about. “What else did you get?”

“The last phone call made out was to a business number in Jacksonville, Florida.” Sam continued, ignoring his cousin and not acknowledging the way that Danni and Dean had disappeared. “But the pattern switched.”

“Wait,” I said as I scooted to the end of the bed, staring at his blue-green eyes, “what?”

“This time, it’s a Hannah Fox,” he shrugged. 

“What information do you have on her?” 

“Well,” the corner of his lips turned up in a grin as he looked over the screen in front of him. “Five years ago, she was a guy.”

“So how is our pattern changing?” I shrugged.

“Nothing to cut off,” he turned the screen to show me a beautiful red-head’s business headshot. “She went through the surgery.”

“Okay then!” I replied, admiring the woman on the screen for a few minutes more before I scooted back on the bed. “I’m assuming that she’s in town.”

“Yeah, the problem is, she didn’t check into the hotel she was booked at.” Christian shrugged, “which means one of two things, either A: she hasn’t made it in just yet, or B:...”

“Our fine feathered friend has her locked away somewhere,” I took a deep breath and shook my head. “It’s more than possible that she hasn’t arrived yet, it’s not even close to late enough to call out a missing persons.” Christian crossed his arms and ankles as he leaned on the dresser, “Did we figure out the lore?”

“Everything says there is no way to permanently put a Phoenix down,” Sam added and I laid my head back on the pillow.

“There has to be something.” I mumbled and closed my eyes. “Something that we’re missing.”

 Sleep took over faster than I expected it to, in fact I didn't expect it at all but as soon as my close my eyes I felt myself drowning deeper into the darkness. Drowning yeah that was an appropriate word for it, because I felt as if I couldn't catch a breath, I couldn't find my way to the surface. No matter how much I scratched and clawed my way up.

 

When I open my eyes, I managed to breach the feeling of lethargy found myself in a room that I didn't recognize, can a place that I have never stepped into. It looked as if it were inside a hotel, a pool area, and the sound of the waves that I was making treading water echo off the walls.

 

I tried to catch my breath my arms and legs constantly moving as I held myself above the pool at least that was until a hand gripped around my leg and I was suddenly back under the water. I panicked visions of the river when I was a child float back in, and I tried my damndest to fight my way out.

 

I opened my mouth to scream but the water just flooded in and as I turned, I saw Sam! I saw the way his hair is fluted there, the blank expression on his face as his mouth hung open and his eyes looked right at me, dead eyes! Sam had drowned and where was I? Where was I to save him.

 

Determination struck, as I fought my way to the service, taking at the hands that held me even as my lungs burned for breath. I looked down curious on just what was holding me, and I stared into a face that I knew as well as the back of my hand but his eyes, Dean's eyes were filled with hate and bright red! Not the red color of demons but that of Fire and I knew I had to get away.

 

I lifted my foot as much as you could in water, and slammed down against his head, there was no way I was getting him to let go. The fight in my lungs, the way they tried to keep me afloat finally gave out and my body did the automatic thing, searching for the air it needed and I felt the water rush In.

 

I pushed at it one more time, this time using every ounce of strength I had left before the blackness took over, to kick down and as my foot connected with Dean, with this time, I watched as the water around him started to change.

 

Once he let go, and I raced to the top I turned in an instant, breaching the surface guilt racking me as I left Sam in that quiet tomb. But it was when the Phoenix Dean breach beside me that I watched in awe as he started to change.

 

The person beside me, the one who sneered at me in pain and anger was no longer the man I knew but someone I had never seen before and I watched in fascination as his body begin to deteriorate. It screamed loudly, so loud that I had to cover my ears which had me dipping under the water just a block it out. But I could see everything, even the way that it sparked, with life, as it tried to go up in flames but it didn't.

 

I backed up the best I could as I treaded water, my lungs still fighting to get in as much breath as I could and I watched as the water started to darken, the Phoenix instead of turning to ash, was becoming nothing more than a coating on the water.

 

I struggled to make it to the edge of the pool, my eyes locked on the floating body of the man who lay beneath the surface and when the final scream came from the Phoenix, when my eyes were about to dart away from Sam, I watched the red beads of the rosary around his neck float out from his shirt and hover in the water around him.

 

I couldn't leave him there, I couldn't leave him in that watery grave while I escaped. And against everything that told me to run, I went back in. As I swam up to him grabbing onto a shirt, I turn to pull them to the top, but that was when she arrived. Her bright blue eyes and smiling face fill my vision and she reached out with a sneer grasping me by the throat.

 

What did I need to remember, what did I need to know that she was still torturing me? And as her fingers gripped around me, cut in the air off once again I stared into her blue eyes, and recognize them.

 

I was shaking from the vision, shaken back to reality by two large hands, and I open my eyes and my mouth same time drawing in the sight of Sam alive in full of worry, and taking in as much air as I could as I sat up straight gripping a shirt.

 

I could feel the bruises around my throat, I can feel the singe of the Phoenix hands around my ankles, but the one thing that I knew for absolute certainty was a solid mass of the man beneath my hands, and that in itself kept me centered and grounded in this world, as I fought to find my voice.

 

“I know,” I whispered clearing my throat as I tried hard to find my voice, “I know how to kill the Phoenix!”


	27. DH Remembrance - 27

 

**Chapter 27**

 

I told you not to go there!

Sam was staring into my eyes, his face full of concern, but all I could see was his dead ones locked on mine and I had to get away. Pushing him off, I scooted over to the other side of the bed and took a few deep breaths, touching my neck where her hands had left bruises and headed into the bathroom.

I put my foot up on the edge of the bathtub, roll my pant legs up, and looked at the branding hand print that was slowly fading as my hands shook, and I reach down running my fingers over it. I could feel the heat, but there wasn't any pain. I quickly pulled them back down, and stood up to look at the mirror.

 

Her handprints, at least the one hand, the one that held onto my neck, were there but also fading and with a shaky breath, I reached up and ran my own fingers against it. That was when Sam came in, he just opened the door and stood there staring at me in shock. I still couldn't look him in the eye, I still only saw the dead ones, but he had other ideas as his hand came and brush my hair way from my neck.

 

I felt his fingertips run against my skin, tracing the fading lines of her fingers, and I close my eyes, I didn't want to see those dead ones staring back at me. I swallowed hard as his breath brushed against my face when he leaned in close to my ear.

 

“Whatever you saw, it wasn't me Ali, I'm right here.” His voice was soft and I almost wanted to get lost in it, but there was something in the whole thing that I couldn't shake. It had been Dean that had come after me. It was Sam that she killed, but it was Dean that she used. “Tell me what happened, tell me what you saw.”

 

“It was you,” I whisper softly, “it was you Sam, and you were dead.”

 

I turned around to face him, his fingers still against my skin and his arm wrapped around my waist. I heard him let out a breath, and his lips were pressed against my forehead as I reached out and grabbed two fistfuls of a shirt, letting the beat of his heart beneath my hand remind me that this was reality.

 

“I'm right here Ali,” his voice brushed against my forehead, “I'll always be right here!”

 

As I close my eyes the world around me seem to fade to black, and when I open them all I saw was red, the crimson red outline of Sam, even as I held them, and I drew in a deep breath, feeling myself start to shake, and I close my eyes tightly once more.

 

I'm sure Sam could feel my reaction to something, and slowly he backed away his thumb going over my cheek as he tilted my head back just a little. I was afraid to open my eyes, but when his lips pressed lightly against mine, and I can feel the warmth, I let my body relax, when he pulled away I was able to look up into those blue green eyes and sighed.

 

“You said you knew how to kill a Phoenix,” he whispered his lips still just a breath away and I nodded against his hand not wanting to move as he held me tightly. “Then why don't we go get ourselves a monster so that I can steal you for the night.”

 

I watched him step back, or more to the point I felt him step back, giving me space to run or stay, my choice. And I slowly released the grip I had on his shirt, enough so that he knew I was going to be fine.

 

“Yeah about that, there's some things we have to figure out before we can kill her.” I smiled and watch to see him give me a sly grin.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Are we sending in a Hannah fox, or are we sending in a Henry Fox?” The two of us stepped out of the bathroom, and I looked at the concerned eyes of the two men in the room. Passing by Christian, he let a hand gently stroked over my shoulder, but I went to go past Cas, I felt him tug me in. Before I knew it, the angel’s arms were wrapped tightly around me, and I felt the warmth of his invisible wings roll over me. “I'm fine Cas, really.”

 

“I can feel the power growing in you,” he said softly into my ear as he lowered his forehead to my shoulder, keeping the conversation quietly between us, it was a trick we used to use when the kids didn't need to know what we were talking about, and it seemed to work just as well for the other two men in the room, as I watch Sam gather the papers he had printed out. “This could get dangerous Ali!”

 

“I know Cas, I know.” And I unfolded myself from him, making my way over to grab the Impala keys off table. 

 

Sam and I made eye contact, just a little bit before I raised a brow and he nodded. Apparently nonverbal was becoming my second language, because I slipped out of the room without any issue, the younger Winchester knowing exactly what I was doing.

 

I open the trunk, glanced around to see if I was alone, and propped the weapons cache up with the shotgun that Dean kept handy. Checking out more than one compartment, I found a handful of rosary beads that I knew was stashed at the bottom. Dean had originally had it very organized, but over the years it had become so full that things were just tossed in when they were used and a silent promise was made to put them in their spot at a later date. It never happened.

 

I fished through the five sets that I had found, and held up the one that matched the set that Sam was wearing in my vision. I felt the visible shake go through me as I wrap my fingers around it and tucked it in my front pocket. The other four went into a small bag and that bag was tucked into one of the duffels that I had managed to grab, not sure what else we needed, I grabbed a small handheld crossbow, some metal darts, and a box of witch killing bullets.

 

When I stepped into the room, I looked up to see Sam hanging up the phone. He raised his brows at me but his lips tightened which told me that either he couldn't get ahold of Dean, or something else was wrong. Setting it rather harshly on the table, hell, he downright tossed in, his hand went to his forehead and he rubbed his temples gently.

 

“Any clue where Danni took my brother?” He asked me with attitude, and I couldn't help the grin that cross my face.

 

“Yeah, cause that's totally my thing! Knowing exactly where your brother is at any given point in time. Right. The two of them together are fine, Sam, they're not going to hurt each other.” I walked up to him place my hand on his bicep, as he leaned on the table, and watches he turned his eyes towards mine locking me in a stare. “It won't be the first time we do without Dean,” I whispered and watch Sam sigh, his eyes going down to the folder in front of him. “Sam we can do this, don't need him to lead us. You do this and I'll stand behind you 100%. You make the calls, you tell us where we need to go.”

 

“It isn't going to be near any swimming pools, that's for sure!” He let that sly grin cross his face and he leaned forward kissing me on the forehead before he stood straight and looked at Cas and Christian. “Okay so first thing, we know all the calls have been made at night, and right around the same end of shift, what we don't know is who made them, so I think it's time to go for a little dinner.”

 

“We already had dinner,” Cas spoke up, eyeing Sam questionably.

 

“We're just going to go and scope out who uses the phone,” Christian answered patting Cas on the shoulder as he walked by. I sat on the bed and begin to slip on my shoes, before attaching the Spectrum blade to my hip and when I looked up I watched as the boys exchange glances. “What do you think you doing?”

 

“Well I'm not going to walk into a place barefoot! You know that whole no shirt, no shoes, no service deal?” I paused and looked at all three of them. “Okay what exactly do you guys have up your sleeve?”

 

“Well the problem is that she might be expecting a Hannah Fox, not a Henry Fox.” Christian filled me in on the little details, but I shook my head because I had just said that in the bathroom.

 

“Oh no, you are not getting me in a suit! Besides it's too late to find one now as it is, so come up with a new strategy!” I snapped at him as I stood and moved over to the computer.

 

“What if we don't send either?” Cas answered, and I looked at Sam who is standing with his arms crossed just taking in all the information that was flowing around the room. The younger Winchester kind of gave me a shrug, and my sight turn back to the angel.

 

“Go on Cas, we're listening.” Sam replied.

 

“We assumed that men were specific targets, that each one was brought up here for the reason of the Phoenix to kill them, correct?” And I could see where his logic was going, so as I hopped up on the dresser, my eyes went to the floor, envisioning what he was suggesting. “What if they were random people, and it wasn't the men that the woman was after, but the companies themselves.”

 

“What makes you think it was a woman?” Christian question quietly.

 

“You think leaving their junk behind for the whole world to see isn’t a big  _ screw you _ to someone out there watching?” I sassed and Christian just shrugged, “seems like one to me. Whoever it is knows that the companies are watching, it’s a national story, so there has got to be some connection to the phoenix and the list of companies that these guys belong to.”

 

“So, what does that mean?” 

“It means one of you guys is getting all dolled up to be eye-candy for a monster,” I replied and looked at each one of them. 

“Oh no,” Christian was the first one to speak up, “I don’t do suits of any kind!” 

“I can easily obtain one,” Cas volunteer.

“And she’d smell you coming a mile away,” Sam answered and gave a little shake of his head. “I’ll do it, Christian won’t fit in my suit, and neither will Cas, plus, we’ve been at this long enough that I can pull of whatever you need me to do.”

I closed my eyes, how did I know it was going to be him and my hand went straight to my pocket. As Christian tries to locate Hannah, to really track her down and make sure she stays away, I watched as Sam gathered what he needed for his suit and stepped into the second room we had, away from Cas and Christian. I followed, because who wouldn’t want to watch their guy go from jeans and flannel to suit and tie. 

I sat on the dresser, as Sam stood next to me, looking into the mirror as he did up his tie, not that he needed it, he just wanted to be that close to me because his eyes were locked on me the whole time.  I scanned over him, the crisp white shirt, the black suit pants that hugged his waist and tapered down over him, that belt that I so wanted to undo, but we were on a time crunch and really needed to get moving, but it was when his body slipped between my knees, and I watched his hands go up through his hair before coming down on my thighs, that my heart started racing.

“Ali, everything will be fine,” he said softly as his hands moved gently up the fabric of my jeans, coming to rest at the crease, his thumbs gently rubbing the seams of my legs, and I closed my eyes, putting my head back against the wall as I felt his lips brush against my neck.

I know I moaned, how could I not, his touch was electrifying and I brought my hand up, slipping it into the hair on the back of his head, letting it wrap around my fingers. I felt his hands move, one to the small of my back, the other to the side of my neck that he had left neglected by his lips and slowly he pulled me closer, closer to the edge of the dresser and closer to driving me wild with just the way he kissed that sensitive skin. My free hand grasped at his hip, sliding around to graze over the tight, thin, material of his dress pants and I heard him growl as he pressed closer, trying to get me to either stop or go.

His mouth moved slowly upwards, brushing my cheek, blowing against my ear and my heart raced as my breathing quickened until his lips were gently pressed against mine. I felt his tongue flick out, tasting me before he closed down on my skin, drawing my lower lip between his. For something so innocent as a kiss, how was this so very erotic? 

That one small kiss became deeper still, as I opened for him, letting it turn into a needed moment, where his tongue explored and his lips closed down. The fingers at the small of my back kneaded and I whimpered as I gripped the back of his shirt, trying to not mess up the rest of it, but that tie, oh what I wanted to do with the tie that moved against me. I could think of so many things to use it for, but the one thing I wanted more than anything was to have him against me, without the clothes.

When he moved for a breath, his nose pressed against mine, his lips just a touch away, I felt him shiver as he debated on letting me go or keeping me close.

“Stay here with me,” I begged and his thumb gently caressed my cheek. 

“I want to,” he whispered, “I would give anything, Ali, but there isn’t anyone else.” And I knew this, I really did but with the memories that she had given me, with the loss that I felt at the end, when I lay in Dean’s arms and Sam… Sam was begging me finally to hang on, I couldn’t let him go, not after seeing his death, not again.  “Come with me, be my backup.”

“Like I would let you go seduce a woman without me, let alone a phoenix.” I smiled and let my lips gloss over his gently. “If she hurts you…”

“I know,” he smiled and pressed a kiss to mine once more, “trust me, I know.”  

The bang on the door gave us the signal that it really was time to go, but I grabbed that tie before he moved away and slipped my hand into his, moving it from my neck, as I pressed the red rosary beads into his hand. Sam stepped back, his forehead just an inch from mine as he opened his palm and looked at the necklace that set in his.

“A Phoenix can’t turn to ash in water,” I whispered and watched his eyes come up to meet mine, “holy water makes it impossible for it to come back, even if the remote possibility of it escaping at all comes up. If she’s on you, get to water, Sam, get there and make sure she’s under it, any way you can.”

“I’m sure you have a plan,” he smiled bringing his lips up to kiss my forehead, and he was right, I did, but how did I tell him that it could cause the very thing I was terrified up, I just smiled back and nodded. 

He stood straight, placed the rosary over his neck and tucked it down into his shirt. With a deep breath, trying to keep the solemn look from making my feelings known, I kissed him one last time before the two of us headed towards the door, with Sam grabbing the keys and the dress coat before he locked it tight and turned out the lights.

~~~~~

The diner wasn't at all crowded, not like it was for breakfast, so it was easy enough to slide into the seat next to Christian and watch the coming and going of people. Two of us had arrived early enough to get settled in the seat, order some coffee, and strike up a conversation as if you were a normal couple out on a date. Not that that would go over well with Sam because Christian was sitting a little too close, and his arm is over the back of the seat and wrapped around so that his fingers were caressing the opposite shoulder.

Yeah, he might have been taking his role a little too seriously. But as he leaned in, the conversation even with a smile on his face pertained to Danni and how she was feeling about this whole situation. He was giving me a perspective of how she had handled the night before, when Dean had spent the morning in the front seat of baby while Sam and I were asleep in the back.

 

He told me that she was confused, that she remembered Dean from someplace but hadn't quite figured out where, that his eyes had haunted her for months, but now it seems that she had gotten over some of that fear in order to take off with him in the Mustang. That alone bothered Christian, the fact that the two of them had taken off.

 

“It's not that I don't trust Dean”, Christian whispered his breath against my ear, “but come on, you don't realize the crap that she's been through or that she's put herself in.”

 

I turned and looked at him my brow raised, and shook my head. “I know exactly what she's been through, I was there when Wayne died for real. I understand that her memories are all screwed up, and I get it, I really do but if Dean is what's going to keep her anchored, we need to let this happen!”

 

“Well this you and Sam thing, I don't like it.” He said defensively, and rolled my eyes.

 

“You're not allowed to not like it Christian! In fact you don't even have a say in it. So what makes you not like it?” I snapped as I turn the seat a little bit, and felt his hands cup my shoulder.

 

“Do you know what he's been through since his father died?” Christian leaned in, his forehead resting against mine. I scowled at him, how dare he bring that up, I knew exactly what he had been through, the first time. “Every monsters he's faced he has been brutal with, not a simple done and over, Ali, but Sam has gone above and beyond, to make it as ugly as possible. He's dangerous and you could seriously get hurt.”

 

That was when our boy walked in, fully dressed in his suit with his messenger bag on his arm and he glanced over at Christian and I smiled a greeting but I could  see the darkness roll through his eyes. Strangely enough as soon as that emotion passed through him, chill ran through me and I was drawn to the energy he was giving off.

 

Crowley had said that when everybody had their memories back I would need him, need him to help with Dean, so why did I feel like he was wrong and it was Sam that I would need to help with? His darkness drew me and I remembered back to what Cas had said in the car on the way home from Oklahoma that day in April after he had dropped Sam and the other two at the bunker, what he reiterated when Sam came to get me for Virginia.

 

_ “Ali, you were chosen for this task for a reason, you were given the knowledge and the power for a purpose, and it’s up to you how to use it, but you have to decide soon.” _

_ “I don’t know if I can, Cas,” I found myself looking up to meet his gaze.  “I just got Sam back, he’s finally here and already the supernatural is screwing it up.” _

_ “It’s not ‘screwing’ it up, Ali, it’s making it right. You and Danni are destined to fix this whole screw up.” _

_ “I don’t want to fix anything, Cas, I just want Sam.”  Inside my body trembled. “You know weeks ago, you said that Sam being so close to me was going to feed the darkness in him, that Dean was the one keeping him stable, that it was the reason that Dean always kept me so close and now you’re telling me, what? Let him in on every secret that I have, including the screwed up lies that John told him?  How is that going to help him? How is that not going to break what little self-control he has left. I won’t bring out the demon in him, Cas, I refuse.” _

Sam sat down at the table, facing us, but as soon as Christian leaned in and put his lips against my temple, the younger Winchester got up and switch so that his back was to us. Not that I blame him because I elbowed Christian right in the ribs. It was a move done completely on purpose to set him off, but Sam held onto the facade that he had created and waited.

I watched from behind as he pulled out his laptop, place it on the table and open it up. From where we sat I could see the screen, and I knew that he was setting up some sort of document but I didn't know exactly what. Sam's fingers clicked away at the keys, loud enough that it sounded as if I was sitting right beside him and I close my eyes to listen to it. His fingers were magic, almost as much so on the keys because they were anywhere on my body.

 

I shuddered as I thought about it, which had Christian’s hand coming down to touch my chin as he turned my head towards him and his hazel eyes meeting my blue ones.

 

“What are you thinking about, Angel?” Christian whispered, but did I really tell him exactly what was on my mind? Just as a sly smile across my face, about to give him the intimate details of the scene I had just imagined, we watched as the waitress walked over and slid in the seat across from Sam.

 

“Looks like someone took the bait,” I whispered and watched as they continue their conversation, Sam’s body language telling me that he was really playing the part.

 

“Green is not a good color on you, Sweets,” Christian whispered, his breath brushing against my cheek as he pressed against my ear. “Don't worry about your boy, Sam's got this covered.”

 

But that wasn't saying that I was worried about the woman that sat across from him. I knew what she was, I could feel her energy from where I sat. It was dark. Dark and inviting and I just wanted to reach out and touch it, but I knew that there was something very wrong about being able to feel it.

 

The conversation between the couple went on for about an hour, and in that time I had just about pulled apart every napkin that was on the table, leaving a pile on the seat between Christian and I. His hazel eyes glance from Sam, to me and then down to the pile of rolled up pieces of napkin litter the seat.

 

“Do we need to take this outside?” Christian spoke softly as his hand went to the back of my head, his fingers brushing against my scalp, which only reminded me of Dean, who wasn't there. Another wave of emotions ran through me and I realized that as much as he needed to be with Danni, I wanted him to be there.

  
“No, I got this.” I answered and watch as Sam close the laptop and started to stand. The waitress, who had rolled up her apron, was slowly rising from the bench as well. “I think we got her.”

 

I sat forward, grabbing the dessert menu trying to make it look as if I wasn't watching the two of them. But I knew that Sam could easily make out the way my eyes followed her. He turned gave us a quick glance and a nod before picking up his laptop and sticking it in the messenger bag, holding three fingers up, to tell us to give them three beats before following outside.

 

Sam smiling down at the other woman sent sparks and anger through me, and Christian placed his hand on my hip holding me in place, cuddling closer as the two of them walked out the door.

 

The Campbell beside me pressed his lips against my ear and gave me a small chuckle as he played his part well, slipping the wallet out from behind him. The two of us were smiling at each other but that didn't mean that I wasn't angry. So angry wasn't exactly the word, beyond jealous, that was probably it. And I never remembered feeling such a strong emotion about one person.

 

Christian moved out of the booth, taking my hand as he did so and the two of us headed out the door. I could see Sam standing by the woman as Christian pushed me towards the Grand Am. The two of them leaning against the Impala and Christian seemed to feel my frustration.

 

“Maybe this is a bad idea,” he whispered against me, literally pressing his body to mine as he held me against the car. I watched the world around me flash to black, and the red light that made up his body seemed to take over.  “Jesus, Ali.”

 

I shook my head, pressing back the dark emotions and suddenly I couldn’t breath.  I held onto Christian as if my life depending on him but that was when I felt the warmth at the back of my skull, the bright blue of angel grace that lit up my vision.

 

“Cas,” I whispered and suddenly the feeling was gone, so was the car and I backed away, so was the Impala.  My jaw dropped. Where the hell were we and where had Sam gone. Letting go of Christian, I managed to back far enough away that I could see we were behind the building.

 

“Don’t worry, Ali, no one saw.” Cas reassured me.

 

“Did anyone see where Sam went?”  I snapped and Cas placed his hands on my face.

 

“I know exactly where Sam is, but he isn’t my concern right now, you are.” I bared my teeth at the angel that wasn’t letting me go and slowly felt the anger run from me. I took a few deep breaths and placed my hands on the ones that cupped my cheeks.  “This is so much worse than before.”

 

“This is from before, from Virginia, this is how bad it was, the seeing red while the rest of the world goes black?” I snapped, “feeling the anger and the darkness of monsters, this is how it was?”

 

“You were the darkness, Ali, but the build up there wasn’t this fast. I told you I was concerned about it.”  Cas made excuses as I closed my eyes.

 

“We need to get Sam, finish this… Phoenix and get the hell out of Dodge.” I growled and pushed past them both. When I made it to the other side of the building, I closed my eyes, and like a scent, I could almost tell which way they had gone.  The sound of footfalls behind me told me that Cas and Christian were close again and I glanced back at them before moving towards the Grand Am. “I know how to find him.”

 

“Ah, how, because we weren’t even in the lot when they left?” Christian’s voice questioned.

 

“I can smell her.”  I snapped and slid into the passenger's seat.

 

~~~~~

The large, three-story victorian that we pulled up in front of was in a sorry state of falling apart, but the fact that the Impala was parked in the overgrown driveway and the light on the second floor was on told me the only thing I needed to know. My Winchester was in there, and he wasn’t alone.

 

Closing the door as quietly as possible, the three of us moved from the Grand Am to the back of Baby, where I quickly managed to pop the lock on the trunk, muttering a silent apology to the car and Dean for having to force my way in, but once there, I grabbed what I could, and let it come to rest without banging it shut. It wasn’t that we hadn’t already packed the duffel full of useless stuff, but the canister of Holy Water that I knew Dean kept tucked away in there called my name and I had to have it.

 

Moving in through the back door, I could hear the sounds from upstairs, and they weren’t the ones I expected. I knew Sam could get into his roles but the noises were either sexual in nature or her torture tactics were majored in moans.  I felt Cas’ hand lightly on my shoulder as I moved, fuming as I headed up the stairs, back to the wall to avoid creaking planks but as we rounded the corner, what I saw had my heart stop and my breath release all at once.

 

Sam sat tied up to a bed, his shirt tucked up to his chest and his eyes were closed tightly, but his face only registered pain as I stepped closer and noticed the woman sitting beside him on the bed. I watched her hand move, her arm twitch in a familiar pattern and I shook my head. That wasn’t pleasure on Sam’s face, but that definitely was blood.

 

Christian tapped me on the shoulder dragging my attention away from Sam as he gestured to the bathroom and I handed off the bag of rosaries that I had stuffed into my pocket, the canister of holy water wasn’t leaving my sight no matter what Chris’ plan was.

 

I moved slowly into the room, spectrum in hand and when I saw the blood on Sam’s abdomen, my thoughts flashed back to that first night we met, the one where he came flying through my window and I nearly froze, and I mean nearly because as soon as I entered the room, she turned towards me. She had sliced open his scar, and her chin was covered with the blood that seeped from it.

 

Anger clouded my eyes, the room turned black once more, Sam’s body became a blur of red with a smoky hue to it but hers was deeper as if she had nothing but the darkness in her and suddenly she was flying at me. I brought the spectrum up, as she pushed me towards the wall, but she avoided the blade all together.  I caught Cas move out of the corner of my eyes, the bright white of his grace blinded me for just a second as he healed the wound on Sam and released him from his bond, but that was enough time for the woman to move me and I found myself sliding across the floor, splinters poking into my back, ones that should have hurt but only made me more angry.

 

Christian moved out of the bathroom, reached down to grab me but the Phoenix was there in an instant, gripping him by the neck, I could see the fire in her eyes, and I knew what would happen if I couldn’t get him away. I jabbed out with the knife, plunging it deep into her leg and she screamed, releasing Christian as he felt to the floor. I was sure he was breathing since his hand came up to his neck, but he seemed to also be reaching out for me, as if he were blind.

 

I yanked the knife back, scurried to my feet as she came at me again, this time I was able to move into the bathroom and to the clawfoot tub that filled with water and rosaries. She followed me in, smirked at the tub and pushed her blonde hair out of the way as that grin turned evil and her eye filled with fire.

 

“What is this, some sort of trick?” She laughed, but I lowered the knife and shook my head. Sam was standing behind her, not close enough for her to sense him but still enough to be dangerous and I narrowed my eyes.

 

“Come at me, bitch, let’s see what you can do.”  I growled, the blade twirling in my hand as I felt the power spark through me. She did just that, her hands out to wrap around my neck, but as I felt the burn from her power start to etch a brand in my skin, the heat from my stomach did just the opposite. It began to burn brighter, and I felt my body suck the power from her.  “You might be bad, but I’m so much more.”

 

“What are you doing?” She screamed as I felt the power siphon from her, the electric shocks of whatever she was seemed to fill my sense and I heard Cas in the background yelling for Sam, telling him that this couldn’t continue.

 

I raised my hand, grabbed the canister from my back pocket and managed to get it open without her letting go, not that I honestly thought she would be able to, but I did the best I could to hold it above her head as I poured the liquid from the flask and watched her scream in pain.  Sam’s hands came around to grasp her shoulders and he yanked her from my throat, something that sent chills through me as I looked up at him, the smoky color slowly fading and I felt my knees give out.

 

His face was pure anger as he twisted her towards the bathtub, tossed her over the side and held her down in the water as he turned his face away, eyes shut. The light from her fire, the way she burst into flames, trying and failing to become what she needed to resurrect herself, was brighter than anything I had ever seen even Cas let off  and I covered my eyes with my arm.

 

When I chanced to open my eyes, Sam was sitting by the tub, soaked to the bone with the water, his shirt completely ruined but he was looking at me with a mix of curiosity and fear. I shook as he stared, waiting for him to make up his mind, was I a monster or a mortal, but his arms came up, and I was in them in an instant.  I don’t remember moving but I know the warmth that I felt around me was everything that I wanted.

 

Cas placed his hand on the back of my head, lightly enough to let me know that he was there before slowly taking it away and tending to Christian.  Sam’s lips came down to my forehead as his arms tried to scoop me up and pull me in closer.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry I screwed this all up.”

 

“You didn’t screw anything up, Sam,” I nestled into him, wanting to do nothing but close my eyes and feel him around me.

 

“I exposed you to that, I wanted so much to keep you away.” I felt his chest rise as he drew in a deep breath.

 

“Can we just go back to the motel, get cleaned up, and sleep?” I questioned, my body feeling suddenly heavy, “I just want to sleep.”

 

“I just want to touch you,” he replied, and God did I love the man when he was honest. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”


	28. DH Remembrance - 28

**Chapter 28**

 

Moose and Mangos

 

The car ride back was quiet, whatever the power had done, it drained me and energized me at the same time, but I chose to keep that quiet, tucked up against Sam in the front seat of the Impala.  Cas had managed to worm his way into “checking me out” before leaving to make sure that there wasn’t anything remotely dangerous to sucking down the energy of a phoenix, but he couldn’t find anything wrong.

The entry to the motel room was nothing less than violent, full of the need to make sure the other was okay. There were no words between us, just the desperate way our lips crashed together as soon as the door was slammed shut.  I had no sooner turned in my spot to grasp his shirt when he had me against the wall, kiss full of fight fueled passion and the way hunters always seemed to feel after a hunt, craving a touch that was real.

His hands curled into my hair, thumb grazing over my cheeks, body pressed tightly against mine but his need was different than mine, his was there to reassure me that I was normal, that he had witnessed the darkness in me and he accepted it, but when his damn hands found my skin, my need took over.

I turned him, as much as you could someone almost a foot and a half taller and he “humphed” as he hit the wall, my hands going straight to his waist.  Sam laughed against my lips as I ripped at his shirt, bloodstained and covered in black spots that I hoped were dirt but he pushed me back, took me from his lips, only to put enough space between us that he could breath, and lean his forehead down.

“Ali,” he whispered, his breath soft against me, telling me that life was still there no matter how much I knew it, but my hands still clawed at the material. Finally, he let me go, started helping me with the buttons as he pushed the material aside.  “Ali, Cas healed me, there isn’t any wound.”

Yet, there it was. The faint white line of the scar from April still showed against his sun-kissed skin and I felt him take a deep breath, muscles clenching under the weight of my fingers, under the touch of my skin against his.

“Why didn’t he take it?” I questioned, not making much sense at all, but Sam got it, he understood.

“You,” he stated faintly, “you’re hands did that, they patched me up, they made me whole, just like now.”

I stepped back from this, and looked up into those blue-green seas, shaking my head. He wasn’t whole, he still had so much to remember, so much damaging things to know, but as I retreated, his hand reached out and took my wrist, not allowing me to run away this time and he stepped forward. One step, two at the most and I was crashing down on the bed, the younger Winchester moving more slowly, but following just the same to make sure he didn’t crush me with his weight.

He towered over me, legs pressed between mine, separating them as his hips found the vee between them, nestling in as he pushed me back on the bed and I kicked my shoes off,  brought my knees up, opening for him, giving him space to press. He released my hand, moving so that he rested on his elbows, cradled my head in one of his hands as his lips brushed against mine softly.

The rush was gone, he wasn’t bleeding, he was in one solid piece but the want was still there. With him, it would always be there. 

I reached up, slowly pulling at the tie that had been loosened but not stripped away, which would have been the first thing I had done as soon as that little bitch walked out the door with me, but Sam was patient as I moved, letting the rest of the buttons from the shirt give way under my touch and gently, I slid my hands over his bare shoulders, pushing the annoying material down as stared up at him.

“I’m afraid,” I admitted, not something I had intended to say, but definitely something I was feeling and Sam smiled. 

“You don’t have to be, it’s always been you and me, always, Ali and that’s not going to change.” He shimmed out of the shirt, if that was the right way to call it, but one arm slipped back then the other before it sailed across the room and he reached down for the hem of mine. “I’ll protect you.”

“What if you can’t?” 

I swallowed hard as his hand gently wrapped around my waist, and yeah they could do that, easily, but his was just a touch, light enough for me to know that his fingers were spread wide, taking in every inch of me that he could as he moved up, bringing my shirt with him, even as his thumb flicked over the peak of my nipple, eliciting a gasp and then a small moan from my lips.  I waited... waited until he sat up just a little to pulled it off with both hands before mine rested on his abdomen, caressing the way his muscles moved.

My shirt was tossed somewhere in the vicinity of his and I let myself fall back on the bed, his fingers back on my skin, caressing any spot on me that he knew would get the response he wanted. His hand moved, the one that still seemed braced above my head, at least until it was twisted in my hair, giving me those not so gentle tugs that I needed. I loved when he touched me, but his fingers curled up against my scalp, fingers kneading through it, that was something that always had me rolling my eyes. It was sensitive, almost too sensitive and I craved it.

That hand pulled me to him, bringing soft, wet lips down on mine, with torturous slow movements, a brush here, a sigh there, lips pulling at lips, coercing me open so that he could deepen it, and when he thought I was placid enough under him, his tongue flicked out, running along the seam between them, asking for an invitation but only briefly before plunging in against me, all the while his hand had managed to remove my bra and those callus fingertips were bringing me to another high as he pinched down on the hardened nipple he had passed over moments before.

The onslaught of his touch, the way his kiss was commanding but at the same time gentle, had my brain spinning and my body vibrating, as I raked my hands over his ribs, up over his back and down to where the thin dress pants covered his ass. Yes those would have to go, as soon as I remembered how to work a belt.

He laughed against me, which only made me moan into his kiss as I fumbled with the buckle to the black leather adversary, the one that fully kept him from me and those fingers moved, leaving only a tingle in their place as ran down between us and grabbed the end of it, pulling the belt harshly until it unbuckled.

Sam left it open, not bothering to remove it as he brought himself up, pressed against my thighs, letting me feel the way he grew  uncomfortably tight in the confines of those pants. I was more aware now, more intune with my senses as I easily popped the button of the pants, sliding my fingers down over the curve of his backside, letting my nails dig in as I brought him closer, pressing him against my heat and this time he was the one that moaned.

“Ali,” he growled, muffled by my lips against his, more so when my hand rounded his hips, moving the cloth further down over him, taking the boxers down with it, and I could feel the slick wet tip of him against my stomach as soon as he was free. His breathing became soft little pants as I wrapped my fingers around the thickened base, fingers nestled in the curls of his hair and he stopped his kiss, to catch his heart, or his breath whatever was more necessary.  “Do it,  _ please. _ ”

A begging Winchester was always the hottest thing in the world, but one that begged while taunt and pulsing in my hand was ten times more so.  I stroked up as his fingers pinched and I gasped almost the same moment he did, just as I rounded the tip, tightening on the head as I pulled the feelings from him.

He growled, literally growled against my mouth, lips slightly parted, not really kissing me as we both remained still, his eyes tightly closed, mine wide open so I could see as much of him as possible, and as my thumb rolled over the tip, flicked at the little spot just at the top, those lips made one quick move, as if the air had been taken from him and he gasped to get it back. I smiled and moved, sliding back down to half way. There was no way to get it accomplished with the length of him, not with one hand and halfway seemed to be where his pressure point was. 

Locked tight around the man above me, I started to move, a steady rhythm that had him huffing, those eyes tightening more as I moved and the hand that had been on my waist now lay flat on the bed, keeping the space between us so that I could slide freely. His teeth clenched tight and if it were possible for the man to get any thicker, he was doing it as his hips started to move, pumping against me, creating his own pace and just as he was about to fall over the edge, his hand snapped down and stopped mine, fingers clenching tightly around me as I held onto just the top. He squeezed both my hand and himself, not enough to hurt me but enough to stop the flow and after a moment, he moved.

It was a frantic motion, the seemingly fluid way he was able to release himself and reach for the intrusive material that rested between us, my jeans, but I wasn’t ready to let go of him yet. I teased him, moving just below the peak and back up, as he tried desperately to get rid of the material, and he looked up with such a dark want in his eyes, that I could have come undone just by the sight of it.

I released him, helped him yank down the jeans and he tugged me to the edge of the bed, hovering over me as he slipped one hand below the small of my back, pulling my hips up as I wrapped my legs around him, but he stopped, tip just about buried in wet heat, and his breathing quickened with the pause.  He leaned down, eyes locked on mine and shook his head.

“You have to say yes,” he whispered, and I knew why, but I wanted him to say it, so I only gave him a smile. “ _ Ali _ !” he snapped, his tone full of that want, and he knew… just knew that I needed to hear it out loud. “You have to say yes, because I can’t hold back, it’s going to be hard and fast and I don’t…”

“ _ Yes _ !” I reached up, stopping his words because the whole  _ I don’t want to hurt you _ was not something I wanted to hear.  

I pulled him down, roughly, demanding his lips against mine. As my tongue invaded the soft velvet of his mouth, he pressed in, one fluid motion that had me gasp.  I was never truly ready for him but with no other prep, Sam was massive and he paused only long enough for me to adjust before i plunged back between his lips, humming my own need against the way he tasted.

He moved then, hard, fast, deep and oh how I needed that, I needed to feel something other than the fear from before.  I needed to feel Sam, wholly and as he pumped his hips, as he drove into me, pulling nothing but moans and occasional sounds that could have turned into screams of want, I bit down on his lip, getting growls and moans in response to the hard digging of my nails.

We both needed to feel something, something only the other could bring out and this was it. I leaned my head back as I felt the rush coming from him, the way that he made my body tremble, shake beyond anything. I closed my eyes tightly, hands finally gripping his hair while his lips descended upon that small, sensitive spot on my neck, where it sloped just enough for him to get his lips in, to let his teeth rake against it.

“ _ Sam… _ ” was the only world that seemed to work among the noises that escaped my lips, but his name was the only thing he wanted to hear as he move faster, creating a dance that seemed to hit that nerve inside, that one little spot that had me digging at the sheets, pouring over him and when he looked up, when I could catch his eye, my lips fell, parting so that he could see the way that I clenched my teeth as the muscles around him clenched inside, surrounding him. “I need to… can’t…”

“Let go,” he whispered, bringing his mouth to mine, but his little kisses didn’t go deeper, even as he pulled me higher, changing the angle so that his knees were under me, so that he could sink in as far and fast as he wanted. “I wanna breathe you in as you go. Do it, Ali...let go.”

He didn’t have to ask me twice, certainly didn’t need my body to tell it when, but his voice, that sex-laden, deep voice that he always got moment before he released was all it took to send me spiraling at the edge and as I plummeted down over, I felt him breathe out, moan into me as I clenched against him. I felt him swell, and suddenly he was coming along for the ride. The little moans from him matched mine, riding the wave together.

I felt him stiffen, bury himself deep, as those hard thrusts became shallow and slow, like he was letting the way I moved draw everything from him. Sam’s lips were softly resting on mine, gentle kisses were all that I got as I wrapped my arms around his neck, one hand going up in his sweat-drenched hair as his final release came with a slow exhale.

He didn’t move the rest of his body, just those lips as they lay small brushes against mine before tapering off to my cheek, down to the slope of my throat and his head rested there, breathing me in as I closed my eyes.  I felt the shocks go through him, little pulses that had me gasp when they happened, and I felt his body move in a laugh with each one but there was no sound except his breathing.

I ran my hand down his neck, as far down his spine as I could and slowly back up over his shoulders before I felt his hips relax, every muscle in his body seemed to give into the feeling and came to rest against me. His weight seemed like nothing, though he would argue and say that I was half of what he was, which was total BS, and that too long under him and I would suffocate, but then again, I couldn’t think of a better way to go. 

He shifted then, slowly drew out, getting another noise from me as he left me feeling empty and detached, but his hands scooped me up, letting my legs wrap around his waist as my arms gripped his shoulders and I put my head down against his chest. He carried me like I was nothing, one arm under my ass for support before he set me down on the counter in the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I shivered at the noise, thinking of the tub that the Phoenix was in, but he didn’t fill it, just let the spray run before he took me by the waist, helped me down to my feet and smiled at me as he tugged me into the water. 

I had to admit the feeling of it hitting me was glorious, but the fact that the man behind me was running the soap-drenched cloth over every inch of my skin felt ten-times better.  I braced myself against the wall, arms outstretched and let him do what he wanted, having closed my eyes just to savor the feeling, and as the water rinsed the soap away, his kissed followed, warming me with a path of hot lips and little nips. I longed for another knee-quaking release and Sam didn’t disappoint as his fingers slipped between my legs with two purposes, to rinse the soap away and to slip in, using his own slick as a way to bring me back to that point, his arm wrapped around my waist as my legs shook.  

I didn’t take long for him to bring it to a head, so-to-speak and before I knew what was happening, my eyes were shut tight and I was pressing back against his hand, knowing just the angle I needed to bring it to the simple conclusion that I wanted. Sam steadied me as his own breathing grew heavy and he moaned as I tightened around his fingers before he pressed his forehead between my shoulders feeling me ride out the wave of ecstasy that brought me to a not so quiet end.

I slumped against him, spent for the second time as every part of me shook. He gently washed me off one more time before he shut down the spray, wrapped me in a towel and helped me to the bed. It was strange how domestic it all felt and I ran my hands through his hair as he dried me off, pushed me back into bed and covered me completely while he returned to the bathroom to take care of the shower he needed.

I wasn’t as coherent as I thought I might be when he crawled into bed behind me, slipped an arm under my neck and pressed his body to mine, a sigh coming from his lips as his forehead dipped, and he nestled his face in the curve of my neck.  Happy to have his strong warmth wrapped around me, I let my eyes drift, my mind shut down and the darkness take over.

~~~~~   
Peaceful bliss was nowhere near what hoped for, but the door swinging open at whatever hour of the night it was, slamming against the wall, and the bootheels of the older Winchester stomping across the floor was something I could certainly have done without.

“Sammy!” Dean growled. Okay, so it was meant to be protective and worried and as it shook me from sleep, it also brought up a weird heat in the pit of my stomach. My eyes blinked open, taking in the empty bed across from me as I lay on my stomach, fully wrapped up in the thin sheet, which was good because Dean would have gotten full view of my backside if I wasn’t.  His voice became tender as he leaned closer to the bed. “Sammy?”

“Dean,” Sam’s deep sleep voice questioned as I felt him shift on the bed.  I wanted to turn my head, but I was still locked in a half-awake state that only let me see what was right in front of me. “Dean, what are you doing in here.” 

“Sammy,” Dean whispered, as if relief has washed over him and I decided to chance rolling over.  “Jesus Christ, man.”

Sam was out of bed, and had somehow managed to get his jeans on before his brother locked his arms around him, holding him tightly. Dean’s hand was on the back of his head, gripping Sam’s hair, but even Sam’s arms were more relaxed in the hold than Dean’s as his green eyes came down to rest on me.  The older one’s lips parted as he breathed and pushed Sam back, his eyes going down the length of his brother, looking for any signs of damage.

I heard the soft clearing of a throat and turned back over to see Danni holding what looked like a tank and some boyshorts, apparently unimpressed with my lack of clothing and I snatched them from her, pulled a sweet move and managed to get dressed without the sheet falling down, but when I stood, it did nothing for the eyes that roamed over me.

I took a deep breath, grabbed a new pair of jeans and hopped into them, forgoing the bra that was around there somewhere and I moved to stand against the dresser, watching the annoyed face of Sam as I smiled.  Yeah, my older sibling didn’t seem to think a once over was needed if I was in bed with someone at the asscrack of Dawn and not in a hospital.

“What were you thinking, Sam?” Dean finally gruffed and I knew that was coming.  Sam looked at me, which got Dean to look at me and his jaw clenched. Okay, yeah like this was totally all my idea!  “I knew it! I knew I couldn’t leave the two of you alone. Seriously, I take off for one night and this is what you do? You go after a Phoenix?”

“Dean, I’ve been hunting alone just as long as you have, I made a judgment call. I’m not nine anymore, I don’t need you to hand me a gun and teach me about monsters.”  Sam clarified and his eyes settled on me too. “And no, this wasn’t Ali’s fault, this was my call.”

“And it was a stupid one.  Cas told me what happened, he told me how they found you!” Dean snapped and then shook his head. “Did you even think to call me?”

“Have you checked your phone? I called you five damned times, and left a dozen text messages!” Well, I could see this was going to go over well.  “We knew how to kill it, we knew just what we were doing to bring it down.”

“How? How did you know?”  Dean put his back to me but I could feel Sam’s eyes still locked on me and I closed my eyes, I knew what was coming and it was going to be as the younger one thought.

“Ali had a dream.” Sam stated. I watched the muscles in Dean’s back tighten at those words and slowly his body turned, hands on his hips, scowl on his face before the he managed to take a deep breath and blink, probably the longest blink I had ever seen.

“Ali,” he nodded, and I found myself looking at him as if to say  _ again, not my fault _ , but I just shrugged. “You went in full-barrel because  _ ALI _ had a dream.”

“Dean, she woke up with burn marks on her.” This softened the older Winchester’s features, but only a little, before his lips pursed in irritation and he glanced back at Sam. “I know it sounds completely nuts but I believed her and that’s really all that matters. I went with my gut Dean!”

The repetitive sound of his name was something Sam knew he needed to hear, the vibration of it rolling off his tongue as a way to center and ground Dean, to make him understand that yeah the younger one was there and nothing was wrong. It had taken me a long while to understand that dynamic of them but the more Dean heard his name from Sam, the calmer he had become, the more reassured that his brother was truly alright. 

“Rules, Sammy! Rules, we never go in alone and we don’t go in half-cocked!”  Dean lectured, but Sam just smiled. “What?”

“Dude, you do that all the time. Bust in, guns blazing, nothing but the bullets and the demon blade against the world. You can’t tell me you don’t and you can’t stand there and let in on me for something you’ve done a hundred times in the past.” Sam retorted and I had to smile because Sam was right.  That smile faded when Dean turned in my direction.

“What the hell are you grinning about? You got him into this!” he tried to snap at me, but his voice was filled with concern, like the fact that not only had Sam been in danger but I had too finally just hit him. “Next time you have a dream, stow it! Sit on it a while and get some evidence that it isn’t a crock before you send the two of you into something you can’t walk away from.”

“Seriously?” I laughed, which got Dean to turn fully, giving him my complete attention. “I think I forgot my rubber boots somewhere because the bull is getting pretty deep in here.  Sam’s right, you go in headlong before you even know what you’re facing, don’t tell me that I can’t do the same.”

“You’re insane!” he growled, closing the distance as he stood over me.

“Yeah, and you love every second of it!” I bared my teeth as if that was going to do anything to the guy who stood a foot taller than me except piss him off.  “You’re just mad that you weren’t there, that you didn’t get to put an end to it yourself and you know what, that’s fine, you be that way, but don’t tell me how to do my job!”

“Your  _ job _ ?” he laughed. “Ali, your job is to be at home with your kids, not roaming the countryside looking for monsters!”

“So that’s how you really see me, some little damsel that needs to be kept safe, barefoot with a dishrag in hand, pretending to be helpless?” I shook my head at him, went to slip by, but I forced out the words that were really what I wanted to say. “Screw you, Winchester!”

With that, I moved over towards the door and sat down, closed my eyes for just a second and grabbed my shoes. Nope, I wasn’t staying in here listening to whatever line of  _ I’m the older one, I make the rules _ that Dean was playing.

I grabbed the large flannel that was draped across the chair, slipped it on and turned towards the door as the arguing continued.  With everything I had, I flung the door open and walked outside. Dean was mad that Sam and I had taken on the monster ourselves, that was fine, I was good with that, but being told that I should be home with my kids when I knew damn well they were perfectly safe was something I didn’t need.

“HEY!” Dean’s strict tone stopped me just as I passed the end of the Impala and I turned to look at him.

“What’s your deal?” I snapped back.

“What’s my deal?” his voice took on a low tone. “You and my high strung brother leapt headlong into a fight against a monster you  _ dreamed _ you could stop and she nearly guts him but you wanna know what’s my deal?” He closed the distance as he stared, leaving only the space of a breath between us as those green eyes burrow into my soul. “He could have died, and you could have gotten hurt.”

“Wouldn’t have happened,” I replied softly.

“You’re that just cocky that you actually believe that, don’t you?”

“Dean, I’m not new at this.”

“Bullcrap!” he wanted to reach out, I could see his hands flexing for it and as much as I wanted him too, I thought I might punch him if he touched me. “You’re so green, it’s not even time to pick you yet.”

“Your analogies… SUCK!” I turned to walk away from him, moved into the fading darkness as the sun threatened to peak over the building and I felt his hand around my upper arm. He stopped me dead in my tracks, which got me to face him as I swung my hand, but it met only with his shoulder as he brought his hand up to land against my cheek at the same time his lips pressed against mine. I breathed him in, letting the warmth flow through me for just a moment before I pushed him back. “I told you not to do that anymore.”

I could feel his chest rise and fall against me as he tried to catch whatever emotions were whipping through him at the moment and the hand on my face moved up to tangle in my hair as he pulled me against his chest. I wanted to fight, wanted to pull away but I knew that I needed this as much as he did, to know something solid was there.  I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, my hand over his beating heart.

I felt his nose against my hair, breathing in deeply as his lips kissed the top of my head. “You smell like Sammy.”

“And you smell like sex!” I growled, the thought of it brought me back to earlier that night when Sam held me tightly, and I tried to move so those arms wouldn’t be around me. “You need a shower.”

“I can’t let you go yet.” he said softly and I let my hand come around his waist.  “I don’t get it, whatever this thing is with Danni, it’s intense but you, I need to know you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, Dean, really.” I pushed back, leaning my head to look into his eyes, “and yeah you and Danni were always intense but don’t fight it just to figure out us.  I already told you what was going on between you and me, now you need to concentrate on her.”

“Why didn’t you wait for me?” His voice was low, still full of the concern he held and I shook my head.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” I did step back this time, and he let me, but I didn’t release his gaze. “Whatever is giving me these visions, whatever power I have to know how to kill these monsters, Dean it used you and Sam to get at me again, but this time, you tried to kill me, and Sam was already dead.”

“I would…” he stopped his fists clenching against my shirt, “I would never hurt you. You know that right?”

“Until you remember it all, don’t be so sure.” 

“I wish you wouldn’t say that.” He took his hands from me, sighed and finally released all of me, a gesture that had him grimacing, like the space between us hurt, and I understood because it was like a painful hum, almost like the feeling of a tattoo gun at points.  “I wish you would understand no matter what you do, I’m not going to ever hurt you.”

“I know it wasn’t you, Dean,” I shook my head. “I know it wasn’t Sam in that pool either, but it felt real, and when your hands were around my…” I choked up for the first time and looked away as I ground my teeth together, trying hard not to let the emotions out, before looking back at him, I watched his eyes go anywhere but mine and I took a breath. “Please understand that I knew what I was doing, and I didn’t mean for Sam…” Oh, god did I hate words at the moment, and I sniffled as I put my hands on my hips, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter, in the end, it is what it is.”

I tapped my hand against my thigh and turned, walking away. I know I saw a diner somewhere close and I needed a coffee, screw the lack of bra.

~~~~~

Danni found me about thirty minutes later, my elbow on the sticky table, hand up in my hair, as I sat with a coffee in one hand staring out the window. She slid into the other seat, casually as if there were nothing in the world for her to do except order a coffee.  As the waitress placed the mug in front of her, I happened to look over, taking in her wet hair, the blush to her cheeks and I stifled a smiled but she saw it in my eyes.

“Yes, if you’re going to ask, yes it certainly went there.” She said proudly as she grabbed at the sugar packets. “My question would be though, why did he kiss you in the parking lot.”

My breath hitched, as my memories went back to the beating she had given me just on the thought of that alone and I sat up, put both hand on the table, again open for the swing, but all I gave her was a shake of my head.

“I told you Dean and I had always been… complicated… this time around, it just seemed to be even more so.” I growled, not even an excuse just a fact and I closed my eyes. “If it’s anything remotely apologetic, I tell him to stop, he tells me he wants you… not that I get his logic.”

“I don’t think anyone gets Dean Winchester, let alone you or me.” She was fuming under the surface and I really needed her to not hide it, because the last person I wanted keeping things quiet was her. “You know, if I were me a day or so ago, I’d deck you.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” I smiled and brought the coffee to my lips, taking a long drink of the still hot liquid. “You did it in Virginia.”

“Really, why?”

“You thought I kissed Dean, you wanted to know why I wouldn’t just admit that we wanted to be together.”

“And now?” Her blue eyes settled on me as she paused in her coffee prep. “Do you want him?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what I want.” I shrugged. “I do know that I don’t want him that way, and yeah you keep saying that I shouldn’t be too sure, but… I know my body wants Sam, my heart wants them both, but not in the same fashion.”

“Okay, you are totally confusing me,” she whispered shaking her head. I raised a brow and turned back to the window.

“Welcome to the story of my life.” I replied just above audible and closed my eyes.

“So why are you sitting here?”

I pffted, “Dean telling me I should be home with my kids? I mean, come on, when do you ever remember me holding a dishrag, let alone doing the dishes?”  I growled and listened to her laugh.

“Once maybe, when you were fed up after work.” She admitted.

“Not helping,” I brought my stare over to her and watched as she gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “It’s like he doesn’t even know me but both of them know me just as deeply as you.”

“Um, I would say Sam knows you a little bit more than that.” Danni laughed and watched my expression drop, something she got a laugh at.  “Yeah, my guess would be that one knows you inside and out.”

“Okay,” I smirked, “enough with skirting around the topic.”  I glanced back out the window and sighed.

“It’s not the boys that have you over here sulking, so what’s going on?” Oh she knew me way too well, this one, and I took a deep breath, set my eyes and looked at her.

I paused for a moment, let that breath out and watched as her gaze turned curious and confused. 

“Danni, there’s a darkness in me,” I whispered.

Her eyes went flat and she opened up to an admission. “That’s not really a problem, there’s a darkness in everyone, Ali, not anything that makes you special.”

I grabbed her hand, let the power that I felt building up flow through me and I watched it flash across my eyes, knowing they had gone dark, or a vibrant blue, or something that she could see because she sat back in shock.

“Oh, I think it is,” I replied, “it’s definitely a problem, because I think I like it.”


	29. DH Remembrance - 29

**Chapter 29**

Hot Tub Time Machine

 

Danni sat back in the seat, brows raised, but worry in her eyes as I leaned forward on the table. She had seen the power go through me, got a glimpse of what I could do with it, not personally but I know she could feel it and I took a deep breath.

“Do you know what you look like to me? I mean, when the power comes through?” I questioned and watched as she shook her head, a little taken back. “You look like Cas, bright whitish-blue light with a bit of smoky trails running through you. The smoke is your darkness, and as much as you think there’s a lot, there’s not. Even Dean has some, he’s the same as you, light and dark mixed, but nothing like Sam,” I rolled my eyes as I thought of him, the delicious way his lips felt on my skin, and Iicked my own, trying to control my breathing.  “He’s red, like the way the blood pumps through your body, but his smoke runs so much darker.”

“Okay, Sally, let’s not do this here before you start going into spasms.” Danni’s lips went tight as she slipped out of the seat and grabbed my hand. The electric shock that hummed through us at that touch made her drop mine automatically as she looked at me. The only thing I could do was smirk.  “What the hell, Ali?”

“Exactly.” I shrugged, “light and dark, Danni, a balance between the elements, I just don’t think it’s as balanced as they think.”

“Come on, let’s go back to the boys,” she ordered without touching me and I placed a ten on the table before sliding out to stand beside her. The two of us stared for just a moment before she headed out of the diner with me not far behind. 

“The boys are going to be pissed,” I whispered before we got too far. Danni stopped, gave me a classic Dean move and rolled her whole head instead of just her eyes before she turned back to me, annoyed. “Really, you wanna walk into a Winchester/Campbell show down and not have coffee?”

“Point taken.” She sighed and we marched back to the diner.

~~~~~

Upon entering the room, Christian’s this time, with four mugs of coffee in hands, four sets of eyes landed on us and I watched as Cas’ narrowed his, Christian looked over Danni to make sure nothing was out of place before he glanced at me. Sam’s eyes did the same but opposite and Dean, he just kind of looked at the floor hoping to avoid any kind of confrontation, but I had to pass him to get to Sam, so I ran my fingers along his arm, across his stomach and gave him a quick smile before I melted into Sam’s arms.

“So, what’s our plan for today?” Danni questioned, handing out the coffees and I watched with curiosity as she stopped at Dean, her body close and their eyes searched each other’s before he took the cup, brushing his fingers tenderly along hers.

“I remember you said a body and us in the same place wasn’t a good thing.” I chimed in, but was still caught up in the interchange between them. It was truly fascinating to me, and apparently also to Sam, whose fingers brushed along the back of my neck, over the curve of his favorite spot, down around the back, just barely brushing my tattoo before he landed on the other side and those fingers came up to my hair, who was caught in the way they exchanged glances. I could have purred like a kitten right then but I calmed myself as Castiel set his sights on me again.

“I found out some things that I believe we need to discuss.” Cas spoke up, which made me turn and look at him. Cas wanting to talk about anything was not at all good. “But I agree, bodies and hunters in the same location is not the most ideal situation.”

“So what? Summerford is eight hours away,” Christian shrugged, “you got a better place to do this?”

“Actually, yes,” the angel’s blue eyes scanned the five of us before landing on me. “There’s a safe house just south of here.  The angels used to use it to keep watch over the hunters in the area, but it's been abandoned for many years. It’s heavily warded against pretty much anything.”

“A safe house,” Sam growled, “great.” Sarcasm bled through his excitement and I couldn’t help but smile as I leaned back on him. “Well, let’s pack it up.”

As if the huddle broke, I was curious to see how this all happened. Danni and Christian worked on cleaning up the room they had rented but I followed the Winchesters back to the one next door, stood in the doorway and watched as they packed in silence.

Part of me wanted them to remember, to be angry with me again, but as I followed their movements I realized that I never wanted to lose them. I took a deep breath, one that caught Dean’s attention and he put down his jeans, and moved closer. 

“What?” He asked softly, and I closed my eyes. I felt the light touch of his fingers on my cheek before I let my eyes open again.

“Running…” I whispered, staring up to his green ones, “again.” My gaze flickered over to Sam. “I’m so tired of running.”

“It’s the way of the job, Kid, not much more we can do.” He sighed, aggravation in his voice, and his other hand came up to cup my cheek as well, tipping my head back as he stepped closer, taking the space between us away. “Listen, if I had my choice, you and those kids would be tucked away at the bunker, but that ain’t going to happen until we figure this all out.”

“You’d hate that,” I smiled, leaning into his touch, “three teenagers stuck in an underground base with miles of halls and endless rooms. Oh, they would be loud and obnoxious…”

“And part of you, and smartass little whips that would put me and Sam in our place when it came to you, and you’re wrong,” his voice went deep and sweet as he took a breath, “I would love it.”

He let me go, went back to grabbing what he could and packing it up. My eyes went to Sam, who was doing one of his sly half-smiles as his eyes watched me from the corner of his vision. I knew I was wrong about it with him too, as much as Sam wasn’t the father figure type, he would definitely enjoy the noise of the kids, the way they took over and I knew he would fall into them, much like I would love them to fall into him. 

I nodded, grabbed my first-in bag, and the other duffel I had thrown my clothes into before I headed out to the Impala. It amazed me, when I thought back on it, how much I never really unpacked, how easily I lived out of my bags.  Sam dropped his bags at my feet, startling me out of the daze I had been in while staring at the black shine on the trunk of the car.

“Ali?” he whispered, his lips close to my ear and I took in a deep breath, bringing in the woods and air, the smell of his body wash and I closed my eyes. 

“There is something so wrong with me,” I sighed and shook my head, but that brought his arms around me, his chest against my cheek as he held me tightly.  “I can’t hold back this feeling, like there is something crawling under my skin, like I’m ready to jump from a moving car, like I need to run, but I don’t know where too.”

“I think you have an idea, or you wouldn’t be so ready to throw yourself into it.” He mumbled against my forehead.  “I have a feeling you know just where you need to be.”

“It’s not a good place, Sam,” I admitted, “not at all where I would expect you to follow.”

“I would follow you anywhere, so would Dean and Danni, especially Danni,” I backed away from him.

“We… I…” I growled at the lack of words and just sighed. “Danni is complicated, it’s like I finally found her but she’s just a grasp out of reach, like there is no way to pull her back in, not close enough to understand what she’s been through, or get a real grasp of anything. Just like you and Dean.”

“Dean and I are fine, Ali, and we will be right beside you all the way.” I wanted to let the anger out because he didn’t know that, he didn’t know yet what I knew, and I took a deep breath as Dean came out to stand beside him.

“Hey,” he looked between us, “you okay?”

“No,” I whispered, slipped out of Sam’s arms and grabbed my bag, at least the first-in one, before turning towards the backseat of the car. “No, I’m not.”

Without another word, I slipped into the car, let the bag fall to the floor as I stretched out on the seat and leaned my head back on the glass. I caught the movements of the boys, of Sam using his hands to explain something to Dean, of Dean crossing his arms, his lips going tight before he sighed and shook his head. Yeah nonverbal might have been their way, but expressions on them told me everything. I was only going to hurt them both if I continued.

_ Cas, I’m losing. _ I whispered, letting the wave of thoughts out to him and I felt the tingle of his warmth against my mind.   _ I’m going to lose them both, and her, and I can’t do anything to fix it. _

_ You’re not alone.  _ His gravelly voice answered and I held back a smile because Cas sounded like Cas even in my thoughts.  _ Let’s get to the safehouse, I may be able to explain some of what’s going on, but we need to move soon.  I have a feeling our window of opportunity is closing. _

I looked up as he ducked down to peek in the window, just before he opened the door and slid in the backseat with me. An angel riding in the backseat, but he grabbed my legs, slid under them and placed them back against his thighs as Danni waved to me. I smiled and gave her a wave back before slipped into the Mustang, Christian riding shotgun and cranked that baby over.

Sam moved towards the passenger side, and Dean to the driver’s as they both seemed to climb in at the exact same moment, closing both doors simultaneously before Dean started her up. Baby, and the sound and feel of her, could calm my nerves at any time, and with it rumbling below me, I closed my eyes, letting the feel of Cas’ invisible wall surround me, while Dean backed out of the parking spot.

I had them all, for the most part, all the parts of me that had gone missing were now beside me, in front of me, following in the car behind, but I couldn’t fight the feeling that something bad was about to happen now that we were all together.  It was like an ache in my chest, a fire in my heart, one that I couldn’t control and for the life of me, i couldn’t figure out why I wanted to. With a deep breath, I let it go, and sunk into that feeling that I was weightless as Baby rocked down the road.

~~~~~

It was the gentle coaxing of a thumb on the side of my ankle that brought me out of the dreamless sleep I had sunk into and when I opened my eyes, taking in a deep breath of some woodland air, which flowed through the open windows of the car, I saw Cas sitting where he had been when I fell asleep, staring out ahead of him, lost in thought and movement. 

The rhythmic gesture of his thumb in time with the flow of his breath told me that whatever trance he was in, it was a thinking one. I had picked up on some of his habits the last few months, one being that if he was deep in thought, his breathing evened out, and some part of him was moving, usually his foot or his fingers. But, it was a little different this time, because as soon as I uncrossed my arms, opening up to the fact that we had stopped and the area we were now parked in surrounded us with lush green trees, his eyes were on me and not focused on his inner ramblings anymore.

“How long have I been out?” I whispered and watched those bright blue eyes turn to me.

“Several hours,” he replied softly, stoically.  “It was Sam and Dean’s wish to wake you, but I know how much you need this, and Ali, I’m concerned.”

“Yeah,” I smiled, “well, that makes two of us.”

“Seriously, with the amount of energy you took in from the Phoenix, the repercussions of that could be…”

“Moodiness, lack of sleep, a sudden need for coffee, and an angel up my ass?” I growled and watched as a small smirk crossed his face.

“The first two of those would seem sufficient enough for an explanation.” 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, taking his hand as I sat up, “I know that what I did was stupid, but…”

“It  _ was _ stupid.”

“Well, don’t sugarcoat anything, Cas.” I sighed, not that I was angry at him, because I was used to his blunt nature, I just took a deep breath and shook my head. “I’m trying to understand, trying to separate what I know and what I imagined.”

“What do you know?”

_ “Sam wants to fix me,” I stated and shrugged, watched as his eyes came back up to mine and locked on blue for blue.  “What if there’s nothing to fix? I mean, what if this is just who I am, who I’ve always been?” _

_ “You’re…” he started but his lips thinned as he thought about it, glancing around the alley before he came back to look me in the eyes again.  “You’re not darkness, Ali, you’re not a creature of evil, it’s not in your nature.” _

_ “Funny, it feels awfully natural to me.” _

The memory was just a blink, but it was something that Cas was there for. I heard the angel sigh, his hand running over mine and then suddenly his hands were on my face. My vision faded out as I slipped into another one, this one so much more bloody.

_ I decided I don’t really like Lenny, and I moved quickly, faster than they could see and stuck that blade in him so far that the guard touched his blood-soaked shirt.  His face was one of pure shock that I had gotten the jump on him but as I watched him light up, seeing everything that made him, bones, muscles, blood, I shrugged. _

_ “You should really be nice and not call people names.” I hissed through clenched teeth and back away just the demon dusted out of him and his body crumpled to the ground. Admiring the work that the blade did, I was reminded of Dean’s own demon blade, but my thoughts were interrupted by the other two in the room. _

_ I turned on them, ready for a fight and smiled.  The dance was simple, this time, because the blade seemed to do all the work, slice and jab, slice, twirl, jab.  Just the tip until was time and then I thrust it in, and they got their licks as well, once across my jaw, the other to the stomach, but it didn’t stop me, dazed me a bit, but didn’t stop me from moving. _

_ Moe went down rather fast, of course a knife to the back of the neck would do that to you if you fumbled on your feet and tripped past someone with said knife, but George seemed to be more of a challenge.  We circled each other, his angel blade against my God Killer, not sure who was more well-armed but it didn’t matter, I was done playing, I just wanted to go back to the couch and rest. _

_ He came at me, swung, missed and I caught him across the chest with the blade.  He turned, swiped, catching the tip of the angel blade across my upper arm, which stung and didn’t heal, and which pissed me off as I turned and jabbed at him again, catching his gut, but still not deep enough. It was a game, a tiring game that I was done with and as he ran at me once more, thrusting his blade forward, I caught his arm under mine and brought the blade up under his jaw. _

_ His eyes were full of horror that such a little thing had gotten him, but as his eyes locked on me, at the blood dribbled from his mouth. I shook my head. _

_ “Tell Crowley, he can go to hell.” I growled but then remembered that this demon wasn’t going back. “Never mind,” I ripped the blade from him and watched as he lit up like a candle. “I’ll tell him myself.” _

_ George fell into a lifeless heap on the ground, and I let my hand fall to the side, the blade suddenly weighing more than I could carry and I let my head drop forward, the red haze clearing from my vision as I took in a deep breath.  Sounds and smells surrounded me and I figured out that I was standing not only behind a bar, but one that was in Old Town, and the smell of burgers filled the air. _

I pulled back from Cas, my body shaking with power and I closed my eyes, trying to control the feelings that flowed through me. I let out a moan, one that was a mixture of sexual tension and complete irritation, but Cas responded to it nonetheless. Maybe it was the porn, or my hand on his thigh but he moved quickly back as I felt the power flash through me.

Taking a quick swallow, I set my sights on something outside the Impala, away from the staring blue oceans of the Angel, gathered my thoughts and suddenly exited the car, shoeless. I moved towards the woods at a cheetah’s pace, but not fast enough for the arms that suddenly wrapped around my waist.

“Whoa there, Tiger.” Dean chuckled in my ear as he literally picked me up off my feet, but I fought against him, instinct kicking is as the image of those demons dead at my feet seemed to slip through my mind. “Hey! Ali! Stop.” Not sure how he managed to do it, but the next thing I knew, I was on the ground and facing him as his stared down into my eyes. “Stop! Whatever is going on in your head, you need to make it stop!”

“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered, my hands coming up to grasp his, “I don’t know if I want to. I know it all, Dean, I know everything I’ve done, did I tell you that, did I tell you that I remembered?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he snapped back, the irritation in his eyes told me that he was done with this game. “None of what happened in June matters, not to me, okay, so just get that out of your damned thick skull now.”

“It does, Dean, it really does.” 

He moved in close, his eyes narrowed as his lips hovered a breath from mine. “NO! It doesn’t.”

With that, he backed away, his skin leaving mine, his touch letting go and I felt my heart give out almost the same time as my knees did. I hit the ground hard, knees against rock and I let my hand rest on it before I face planted in the dirt. The world around me spun as I heard only my own breathing, the thump of my own heart before I was able to calm everything and finally look up.

Dean crouched down in front of me, his green eyes locked on mine as I glanced at the people behind him. Sam stood just to his left, the closest to me, fist clenched as Dean’s hand lowered, which had stopped the younger one from getting to my side. Danni moved up, looking over Dean’s shoulder as Christian also stepped up, all of them looking down at me. Cas moved closer, catching my sights as I closed my eyes and lowered my head.

Dean reached out, brushed my hair just a little catching my attention again, and my gaze traveled up to watch him fold his hands together. “You may fall, Ali, but you’ll never fall alone, not with us here.”

My vision refused to focus as I stood and tried to catch my balance, and Cas was by my side in an instant, but Dean was right, but I might never be alone, and that was why I had to stand on my own. I raised my hand, stopping in his tracks as he reached out for me and took a deep breath. He watched me, making sure I was steady on my feet before he turned and gestured with his hand to have me walk. I knew he would be right beside me the whole time and while that reassured me, I still needed to steady my own body as I made my way inside.

Once we had all entered the cabin, I watched the angel move around the room, his whispers were only in Enochian and while I could recite it without issue now, I couldn’t make out just what he was saying. As he hit the door, the wall to my right, the discomfort in my head started. When he hit the back wall, I felt a wrenching in my gut, as he approached the wall to my left, every muscle in my body tensed but when he finally made it back to his starting point, I was able to breath normally and for a moment, I noticed the angry, the violence and the darkness in me had faded.

Cas moved to stand in front of me, taking a deep breath before he sat on the coffee table, something thick and sturdy enough to handle his six-foot frame and he looked from me to Sam, who sat to my right, Dean who took up the arm on my left, Danni against his shoulder and Christian who took up the back, leaning against the table. 

“I believe the Woman in Black that is following Ali around is a tulpa.” Cas announced. Dean looked at him  as if he had three heads and Sam just shook his. 

“How can it be a tulpa, isn't that a thought-form?” Dean asked, his hand going to the back of the couch to rest right behind my neck, and I could feel his fingers gently rubbing the skin there.

“Yeah we dealt with one before and you have nothing on you that has anything to do with it.” Sam replied, “so where exactly did you come up with a tulpa from?”

Cas cleared his throat and spoke up, “Ali had me look into a symbol, one that she spotted on the woman, I clearly remembered it but I wasn’t sure from where, so I researched and I came up with it.  Unfortunately, the origin of whatever created it is still a mystery to me and I didn’t have the chance to continue with my investigation, at least not since the phoenix.”

“Symbol?” Dean questioned, crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, “what symbol?”

“Well besides the brand on her neck, there was one that was on her wrist, think about it when did she show up? When I was almost knocked out by the Night Hag.” And I watch Dean. “The next time she showed up I was in the bathroom in the bathtub and she left marks on my skin. So that makes me think somehow she had gotten stronger. The third time was right outside the motel where we were staying. Dean saw her that time. The next time was Sam, with the marks on his chest. So, if she's gone from my thoughts to physical what else could she possibly be?”

“She was close enough for you to see this and you’re just bringing it up now?”  Dean growled. “Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped figure this out a long time ago.”

“I didn’t need you to figure it out, Dean, I needed you right where you were. Having you on this would have been just like having you on another case. Since we’ve been together we have had one case after another, right from the jump. I needed you with me, not chasing ghosts.” He stopped at those words, shook his head and drew his lips thin.

“Chasing ghosts, well, it’s kind of what I do.” He said softly, before I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.

“Okay so say she is a tulpa, where did she come from?” Sam asked as shifted on the couch, but my eyes were locked on Cas.

“The only thing we can think of, or the only thing I can possibly think of, is an event that you have yet to remember.” Cas sighed but I knew exactly what he was talking about, and with a small shake of my head, I warned him against giving too much information, but it had Dean shifting in the seat turning his full body to look at me.

“What exactly aren't you telling us?” He asked me, with a demanding tone in his voice.

“There's a lot of stuff that you don't know, remember I told you that I know all of it. But Dean,” I reached out and touched his hand in need of that contact, “there are things that you won't understand.”

“Why don't you stop telling me what I won't get and start telling me what I want to know.” He snapped leaning down so that his eyes were locked to mine.

“It's not that easy, Winchester,” I whispered and leaned up towards him, only to feel Sam's arm sneak around my waist pulling me back. I let Dean's eyes linger on mine for just a little bit longer before I turn back to Cas. “So, okay it's a tulpa, do we know how to get rid of it?”

“As I was saying, the only place I can think of it to be drawn is there”. His eyes were locked on mine, not including anybody else in this conversation. “My worry is that when we get to that point, it'll be too strong to destroy.”

“So she was right,” I whispered and watch Cas’ eyes narrow. “I have to go back to where it all started.”

“To Ohio?” Christian's spoke up and Cas raised an eyebrow. For a moment I debated on correcting him, but I decided against that and nodded.

“London seems the obvious choice.” Cas agreed, but the look on Sam's face, and the exchange between the brothers told me that neither one of them believed a word that was coming from either of us, and that was fine with me as long as it kept them safe.

I stood, a momentary feeling of dizziness took over, and I moved to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I took a moment to take a deep breath before I walked over to the sink, turn the water on, and splash my face with the cool water. I look up into the mirror in my memory faded back to that night. The one night that I wasn't sure if it was me talking or my fear.

_ Dean was out like a light, he had it moved since I brought him into the warehouse. The smell of produce and refrigeration, and the nasty odor of soil seem to buzz my senses. The man I had tricked into getting into my car was now tied to an old chair, and as he slumbered under my spell, I moved in a circle chanting under my breath. _

_ It wasn't a perfectly round circle, but it would do, taking up most of the room that I was holding Dean in. I was waiting for him to wake up, waiting for him to see exactly where we were, because this was where it would all end. As I danced around, making the strange little symbols with my feet, and invisible force field that would keep in the very monster I hope to capture, my eyes gazed over the only other person in the room. _

_ He had kept me sane, safe, and for all that I loved him, but I also hated him because he wouldn't do the simple thing that I asked. He wouldn't end the darkness that grew inside me, and as much as this was a ploy, part of me wanted the words that I was about to say to him to be true. I made my way around the circle up to the five points in back and in between the strange symbols, I stepped and danced my own. _

_ Part of it remain open, a part of the circle that would allow me to exit and enter without being trapped in my own well, trap. Somewhere on the outside Sam and Danni were setting their own, a way to keep the demons out once we had their leader in place and I knew somewhere in this building the King of Hell was playing his own game. _

_ Once I was done with the warding that I needed to do, I found myself sitting down and a small bench and watching him. I was watching Dean Winchester wake up and part of me couldn't wait to see his eyes while the other part wonder just how he would react the ropes. _

The bang on the door had me jumping place, and my grip on the porcelain sink tightened. I wanted to move, wanted to back away and know just who was banging on the door but I also wanted to stay, and lose myself in the memories that were coming back full force. I knew about Winchester, I knew about the warehouse, the cabin, and Old Town. I knew just how everything started and how everything ended but I couldn't share it with anyone.

The door swung wide not waiting for my answer, and I looked at the woman who stood against the sill. Danni crossed her arms, looked at me as I held on for dear life, and took a step in.

“You're going to have to come out sooner or later, you're going to have to talk about it.” She smiled.

“Not in a bathroom, not locked in some Angel warded cabin that's giving me a damn headache, and certainly not in front of those boys.” I stepped up to her, the warding setting my body on edge and I took a breath. “Come outside with me.”

“If it's going to get you to talk, I'll go anywhere.” She smiled at me, and I just shook my head because that was an innuendo that I wasn't going to touch. I heard her giggle as I walked by, and look up a Cas. 

“Bring the warding down,” I pleaded softly, and watch his eyes go over me, before they looked up a Danni. “We'll be safe, she'll be safe, I promise.”

“Ali, this is a…” but I raise my hand stopping him mid-sentence.

“If you say bad idea I'll step on your toes!” And he gave me a little grin before he leaned down to my ear.

“Are you even tall enough to reach my toes?” And I slapped him with the back of my hand. Yeah, too much time with me was wearing on the angel, especially if he was cracking jokes like that. “What do you want me to do with the three of them?”

“I don't know, tie them up with some Angel Mojo.” I shrug, and watched Danni step up beside me. I turned and walked up to Sam, grab them by the shirt, and pulled them down so that I only had to go up on my tiptoes to kiss him. He smiled at me, holding his kiss at bay, and I growled at being denied. “Danni and I are going outside, Cas will have his ears on, you won't have to worry.”

“I always worry Ali,” he smile, “it's just what I do.” Sam lean down kiss me softly the lips as his fingers dug into my waist. He whispered against them, “don't go far.”

I backed away from him, winked and walk towards the door my hand the running over Dean's back as I passed him. He was deep in a quiet conversation in the Danni, probably making sure that the two of us knew the rules of not wander far, not to go into the woods, not to walk away with strange men, or wield any specifically dangerous knives. You know all the normal girlfriend rules. And I shook my head at the thought of that word. Girlfriend!

He glanced at me, taking his eyes from Danni's for just a second to look me over before I slipped out the door and waited for her just on the other side.

 

My first thought was how long it really would take the boys to get restless enough to come outside looking for us, my second thought was how funny they would look as the two of us were just sitting on the roof of the Impala while they were in a panic.

Oh this was going to be fun!


	30. DH Remembrance - 30

**Chapter 30**

On Some Beach, Somewhere

I met Danni out by the car, since she took her sweet ass time getting there because of Handsy Dean, who right at that moment was looking out the window, eyes locked on mine. I don’t know if I was jealous or not, but I knew one thing for sure, I couldn’t keep going like this. I wanted Sam, I wanted Dean, next thing you know I’d be wanting Cas.

Ooh, Cas… I thought back to when the two of us were alone in Massachusetts, his strong arms around me, the quick chaste way he kissed me, the feel of his wings even though I couldn’t remember them. I closed my eyes and pushed back those emotions because darkness be damned I wasn’t going to let it take over how I felt for one of my closest friends.

Danni moved up beside me, leaning against the Impala as I opened my eyes and groaned low, just loud enough for her to hear me, and she crossed her arms.

“Is it that bad?” She whispered.

“And getting worse.” I mumbled and pushed off the car. The two of us began to move, just a little circle around the driveway, which was big enough to fit more than fifteen cars parked awkwardly at some strange angles and while she kept those arms crossed, like a bodyguard walking on the outside of it, I had my hands stuffed in my pockets.

“Okay, so what did you want to tell me out here that you couldn’t tell me in front of the boys?” I stopped and put my back to the cabin, lowered my head as I took a deep breath and then glanced up at her through my lashes.

“I know where it began, I know where the tulpa sigil is.” I whispered to her, not that the boys were close enough to hear me at all, but her eyes locked on mine as I said this. 

“Okay,” she said softly, “spill.”

“Winchester, Virginia, where their dad died.” I replied and watched her face go slack. Yep, just the reaction I had expected. “We fought the demon there, the hybrid and why the bastard isn’t haunting more of my dreams, I don’t know. He was one powerful jack-off and he was gunning for me, something to do with this power, but what I do know is that we fought him, you and I and the boys, in some warehouse down there. It was warded to the nines with symbols and we caught him but something must have happened, the Tibetan symbol must have gotten put up by someone. I just don’t know who. If she’s a Tulpa, then that’s where we need to go.”

“No!” She snapped, “I’m pretty positive that’s where you need to stay away from.”

I knew she was going to do that, pull the sister card, play the protector, and I crossed my arms, to hell with the pockets.

“Danni, you don’t get it,” I spoke softly, no sense on setting her off, “what you’ve been feeling the last few months, that’s because of me, because of the choice I made to end this whole thing with that monster. I chose the God Killer blades, I brought John to his knees, I did this, so if that’s where I have to go to end it, that’s how it’s got to be done.”

“Ut-uh,” she shook her head, and I rolled my eyes. “Listen, you’re not doing this alone. It’s not all on you, remember, you told me what happened and I’m pretty positive I was standing there with that other blade shoved into his back. I think the first thing we have to do is regroup, get our shit together and see what we can come up with on this Zane guy that you rattled on about for over a week.  That is the one you’re talking about, right, the hybrid. He’s the reason you’re all hopped up on demon juice.”

“Yeah and why you can feel people’s souls while they’re riding a sex high.” I snapped back. “Works both ways remember, light and darkness, balanced and unbalanced, so while mine may have laid dormant, yours has been running you wild.” I watched the emotions come to her face, ones of confusion and a hint of uncertainty. “What is it?”

“It’s Dean,” I wanted to roll my eyes, because of course it was the green-eyed pain in my heart.  I took a deep breath and glanced behind me, wow, still no Winchesters on the porch, pretty amazing. “I’m starting to feel things, like little shocks when I think of what you told me happened in Virginia, things I’m supposed to remember but mostly… mostly I feel him when he’s close.”

“What things are you thinking about?” I grew curious as I looked her over.

“Well I know we had a few days without you, a few more without Sam, so there’s that,” and that sly grin crossed her face.

“Ah, eww!” I shook, and it was all for show because yeah, I had a few days with him without the others but how the hell do you say,  _ I get his kisses, I really do _ without actually telling someone you kissed him? I ran my hand down the back of my hair, then up through it to spike it before I shook my head. “Okay, icky moment over, go ahead.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that little memory trip was icky for you,” she raised a brow, looked at me in all seriousness and shook her head. “You can admit it, you know, that you care about him.”

“I’m not admitting anything about Dean so, moving on!” I growled and watched her smirk.   Even that small little gesture was going to get on my nerves and I knew the power was flaring, almost time to move on again. It seemed being stuck with any people set it off. Any emotions brought about the need for violence. “You were saying something about Dean and a feeling?”

“Yeah the problem now... is Jo.” She admitted and I tilted my head a little, brow creased in confusion.

“How is that an issue, two different birds?” I shrugged and her eyes went wide.

“Like those brothers?” her retort was somewhat snippy and I drew my lips tight. “You want them both, you love them both and yet you can only have one. How is that two different birds?”

“One stone,” I winked.

“Give me a break.” Danni huffed, and I could feel the air thickening around us. Yeah, my body was suddenly craving that and I took a deep breath. “You can’t kill them, and you can’t have them both, so like I said, how is it two different…”

“Okay, I’m done with the little word play game.” I growled, I mean really growled. It came from somewhere deep and I didn’t like it, that and it set Danni back on her heels. “Listen, you care about Jo, you’re starting to give a shit about Dean, that I get, but I don’t see the issue in it, you can’t help who you love, Dan, no more than I can so the problem is not who they are, it’s what you do with it. Either you choose one or you choose both, either way, it’s on you. That’s all I got.”

“Holy hell, who are you?” She smiled, not a nice joking one either, but an irritated  _ I could haul off and hit you _ kind of grin. She took a moment to compose herself before she unclenched her fists, and I knew right then I was treading some pretty dangerous waters but at the same time, I didn’t care. I loved her, wanted her to know that I would support her but damn did I want to pick a fight. “So what, we’re off to Virginia.”

“No, like you said, we need to regroup. I say we head to Ohio, like Christian brought up, a few days at the Roadhouse isn’t going to kill us,” I watched her face go pale.  “And you can figure out your issue with your two  _ birds _ while we’re there.”

“You know what I should figure out?” She whispered, leaning in towards me, not coming closer, but just leaning and I could feel the energy she let off, it was actually calming but at the same time electrifying. “How to kick your ass without leaving a mark.”

“I’d give that a go,” I answered and turned to catch her eyes, but that irritated look turned into a playful grin as she bumped my shoulder and walked by. 

The smile faded from my face the further away she got, and the feelings of the need for some sort of release took over, I crossed my arms once again, shielding myself from it either getting out or getting in as I tried to breath through it. The presence that seem to sneak up behind me wrapped me in solid comfort as I felt his arms move in.

Sam planted his lips gently on my neck as I let my head tilt, giving him more access, and I closed my eyes, slowly relaxing my arms as the feeling subsided.  He breathed into me, took me into him and I followed the movement of his chest with my own, grounding myself as he became the rock I knew he once was, but I couldn’t keep putting this on him to control whatever was taking over and my hands came down to lace with his, getting lost in the size of his fingers.

“Danni’s worried,” he whispered, folding around me, tucking me into him.

“You all should be,” I replied, my voice just as soft. “It’s so much worse this time, so much stronger, but Cas said it was because of the onset. God, how did you put up with me before?”

“I don’t know,” he smiled against my skin, a playful response, “I don’t remember, but I hope it involves tying you to the bed.”

“Well, that seemed to be the going opinion of how to handle it last time, but I’m pretty sure the bunker was involved.” I turned in his arms, leaned back against them, knowing I was perfectly safe to do so, that he would hold my weight and I looked up into his eyes. “There has got to be a tree somewhere with our name on it.”

“Tree sex is complicated.” he grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Not if it’s on the ground and I’m bent over it.” I answered blatantly and watched his lips part, the rise of his chest moved quickly. He didn’t expect that response and I didn’t expect to give it but the words had slipped out.

“Don’t tempt me,” he groaned, putting his forehead against mine, “please.”

Oh how I wanted to tempt him, I needed to get him alone and I closed my eyes, letting my fingers dig into the muscle of his lower arms, where they gripped. The need for fast and hard was almost too much, but I didn’t want to do that too him, didn’t want to bring that darkness out and I sighed, slipped out of his reach and watched as he looked at me with confusion.

“You’re right,” I whispered, swallowed and met his gaze. “I don’t want to tempt you, Sam, I don’t want to bring out that side and as much as I need you… so much… I can’t.”

I moved to walk past him, but he reached out from where he stood and grabbed my arm, pulled me back in and brought his lips down upon mine. It wasn’t soft, no not as first, it was pure need, but as he relaxed, as his hand came up and dipped behind my head, running through the hair there and his thumb moved along my cheek, it became tender. I moaned into it, letting him know that he was okay to do what he needed and his lips parted before capturing mine again.

I grasped his shirt, both hands filled with the material so that I didn’t dig into his skin like I wanted to, but I became submissive in his arms, let him have control of the kiss as he hummed against me, opening, closing, tasting his way to what was nearly orgasmic as his tongue suddenly dipped between my lips and I pressed into him, his hand coming around to settle on the curve of my back, lower as his fingers dug into my ass.

When he finally let me go, it was in a breathless, heart racing state, and it wasn’t just me that felt it, he was standing there, in all his six-foot-plus glory, chest heaving but the look on his face was dangerous, like he needed to let go, as if something was pulling him into something carnal, but the corner of his lip turned up in a grin, one that almost had me in his arms again.

Slowly, he reached out, offering his hand to me and I trusted him enough to grab on.  He sighed as I slips my fingers up his palm and let him wrap his around me, before he turned and walk back towards the house, bringing me along. 

When we entered, the other four were looking at us as if they were ready to send out a search party, but it was Dean’s cautious eyes that were locked on mine, slowly lowering to my kiss-swollen lips and I watched him blink once before he looked away. What the hell was the man doing to himself? What was I doing to him because the next moment I was at his side. Sam smiled, and I noticed he had tugged me closer to his brother, still not letting me go. That was when I reached out, brushing my hand down Dean’s back as the two of them whispered quietly, heads together.

The older Winchester tensed at the feeling and his head turned just a little to look at me, wink and move back to the conversation he and his brother were having. Yeah this whole thing could get really dangerous if I let it continue. 

Slipping out of Sam’s grasp, I made my way towards Cas, locking sight with him as I approached, and it seemed that the angel already knew what was going on, because he hooked his hand around my arm and moved me towards the kitchen as Danni and Christian were lost in conversation.

Cas huddled close, his body blocking me from the view of the others in the room. I looked up to stare into those heavenly blue eyes and saw nothing but the confusion that sat there. 

“What are you doing?”

“Besides freaking the hell out, I don’t know, Cas!” I answered, reached up and took hold of his tee-shirt. “I can’t stop it, whatever it is, and I can’t control it. I certainly don’t want to hurt Danni so please, tell me what I’m supposed to do with this pull?”

“You found the prophecy then.”

“It’s not a prophecy, it's a freaking curse, a spell and I don’t know who put it on us, but I have to find a way to break it.” I snapped, and felt his hand come up to gently remove my hold on him. “For both of their sake, Cas, I have to get rid of it.”

“You need to stop worry about them and start concentrating on yourself, Ali, their memories will come back in due time, but you, I’m afraid are already feeling the effects of the ones you gained.”  Cas took a breath, reached up and pressed his fingers against my temple. It wasn’t a loving gesture, although it was soft and caring, but it was a way for him to find out just how deep the issue of my past went. With a sigh, he pulled back and bit down on his bottom lip, worrying it just a little, a very human thing for him to do. “It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”

“Outside, I changed the air around Danni, I pulled her into a confrontation.” I admitted and closed my eyes for just a moment. “I pulled on Sam’s need, my need and almost…” I stopped as I thought of what I had wanted to do before I opened my eyes and took a breath. “Danni stepped closer and it faded, would that have to do with the balance, light with dark, and if that’s the case would it be the same if Dean were…” I glanced over at him, at the way he stood with his arms crossed looking at me out of the corner of his eyes, but it wasn't just him who was looking, Sam had that same concern on his face as well, “what if Dean is also light, Sam is dark, like Danni and I are, would that make sense about the way he grounds me? I mean, Sam can keep me pretty well tame but Dean…”

“I understand your reference and yes, that might explain the reason for Dean’s constant need for contact, especially if he’s been dealing with his brother for his whole life.  He’s been around the darkness long enough to recognize it.” Cas sighed, his hand resting on my shoulder, “You need to not think about it, Ali, especially that part of it, because you were never dark, you were never evil and I know how your thoughts process. Dean wasn’t there at the beginning because that was what he felt, he was there because he loved you, he fell…”

“Don’t say it.” I growled, and shook my head, “because even if the falling pertained to that in only a family way, it’s still too much to deal with.”

“You are family, you know.” Cas whispered, “to them, to me, you have always been family, there isn’t any changing that, falling or not.”

“I get that.” I sighed, “I really do, but can we move on from the subject. Maybe get on the road, because the need to move is getting pretty overwhelming and when it does, it becomes the need to run, and I don’t want to do that to them.”

“Fine, stay here, take a few breaths, I’ll get them together.” Cas leaned forward, kissed me on the forehead and left me standing against the stove, my arms crossed over me as I turned to stare out the window instead of at the brothers, who were looking me over with curiosity and confusion. 

~~~~~

One of the best reasons for the backseat of the Impala, besides the obvious was that it’s seemed to relax me enough to put me to sleep, or at least in a daze so that the time on a six hour trip didn’t drag on. 

As it was, two hours into it, I found myself curled up against the driver’s side back door, legs bent and feet tucked beside me as I crossed my arms and laid my head back, forehead to the cool glass. Unlike most cars, this one seemed to have just the right vibration to keep away the motion sickness, something that I normally got in the back seat, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of what was under her hood or if it had something to do with the man behind the wheel, but like I said, I wasn’t out enough to be asleep just dazed enough to let the time pass, and to pick up the conversation from the front seat of the car.

“Dude, why do you keep doing that?” Sam’s voice vibrated through me and I stifled a moan, because, well it was Sam and his voice just dripped sex.

“What are you talking about?” Dean groaned, obviously tired and ready to either gank something or sleep.

“The little glances thing, like no one is going to notice.” Sam laughed.

“What?” Dean seemed a little confused but apparently did something to make Sam notice.

“Right there, as soon as I said it, your eyes went to the mirror. She’s not going anywhere.” Sam continued to further explain.

“Okay, that’s not what’s happening.” Dean adamantly protested, which only got a sigh from Sam.

“This is me Dean, you don’t have to hide it.”

“I’m not hiding nothing, and I wish you wouldn’t be so damned cryptic, you're reminding me of Cas.”  Dean’s voice grew deep, which meant he was growing frustrated. “Now, explain.”

“The two of you, you know, the way you look at her when she’s not looking, or how she looks at you when you look away.” Sam pointed out and I waited for it, waited to hear something in the way of anger.  “Why do you hide it?”

“Yeah that, Sam, not the time, not the place, okay?”

“Dean, I know you love her.”

“Yeah but I’m not  _ in love _ with her so, like I said, not the time, not the place.”

“Says you,” Sam sighed, “And if you were, what does that have to do with anything. Look I know how you were before, okay, I have my memories back too.” When Dean didn’t answer Sam went on. “In the bunker, for that month apart, I saw you, I saw you sit there in the war room with that phone in your hand debating on whether or not to call her just to check, just to make sure she was okay.”

“Your point?” And yeah, I would love to know it too since Sam just said  _ if you WERE _ cause that puts a whole new spin on things, and to find out that he sat there with the phone, that was a little mind blowing in itself.

“She did the same thing, I mean, maybe not with the phone, but on it, with me.” Sam took a deep breath, filling that broad chest as he slowly let it go.  “I told her the same thing I’m going to tell you. It’s okay to ask about the other, it’s okay to care… you love each other, Dean, it’s not a crime.”

Dean huffed, maybe that wasn’t the right word for it, maybe it was more of a pfft, some sudden, annoyed release of his breath. “She’s yours, Sammy, and I have Danni.”

“You  _ almost _ have Danni and she’s not just mine, Dean, she’s ours.” I felt the gas let up a little and assumed that Dean looked at his brother. “You can’t tell me you didn’t realize that. We’ve been sharing her from the jump, just not in that way.  You need her, she needs you just as much as I need her and want her. She’s not going to stop loving you, no matter who you're with.”

“Okay, just stop talking! And stop using the word sharing!” Dean snapped, his hand twisting on the wheel made an unmistakable squeak. “How can you do that? How can you say we’ve been... sharing her, that’s just not something I’d be okay with, so why are you?”

“Because it is what it is, because it’s you and me and it’s her, Dean. It’s Ali and I know she loves you.” Sam sighed, and paused, “Fine, so you and Danni, you going to be able to get past this need for Al? Are you going to be able to tell Danni everything and let Ali go?  Did you tell her about the times you left her at night to sit in a chair or go out to the garage, just to pace with a phone in your hand?”

“Seriously Sam, I’m asking you to stop.”

“No, Dean, we have to figure this out, you have to figure it out, accept it or whatever, before the rest of this goes down.” I heard Dean sigh. “Love her, don’t… tell her, keep it a secret, whatever but don’t push her away.”

“When have I ever pushed her away?”  Dean growled, and I felt my muscles jump at it and the car pulled over to the side of the road, this way Dean wouldn’t veer off it into a tree, or worse over an embankment that we would have to find a tractor for. The car shifted under his weight as he turned towards his brother and the only way I could tell that happened was because the sound of his voice changed direction. “I have only ever pulled her closer, and it’s killing me, Sam! It’s killing me because she’s yours and she should be with you, and she makes you happy.”

“She’s not just mine.” he whispered. “And, even when you want to strangle her, you know she makes you happy too.”

“Stop talking, or I’m going to punch you in the face!” Dean snapped, and this time he wasn’t joking.

“ENOUGH!” I yelled, finally opening my eyes.  The air had grown thick, had forced me out of my light sleep, or whatever I was pretending to do and I slowly and sat up in the seat, looking at the two of them, Sam was facing me, Dean’s eyes, as he turned back to put the car on the road, I caught in the rearview.  “Just freaking drive, and I mean blast the music or something because seriously, one more argument and I’m out the door, whether the car is moving or not.” I watched them both with shocked expressions on their face. “I’ll be damned if I come between the two of you so… just drop it, I don’t want to hear about anymore.”

“Ali,” Dean whispered, and at the sound of his voice my eyes locked on his and I just shook my head. 

“Drive, Dean.” I spoke softly, grabbed the duffel and tucked it under me as I curled up on the seat again, blocking out the noise as the radio cranked and Metallica blasted through the speakers. If they continued to talk, it was fine, I just was happy that I couldn’t hear them.

Eyes closed once more, I thought back to that month and a half that I was alone, without the Winchesters and what I had done to occupy my time, besides build the research room.  

~~~~~

The first hunt had been the not so easy centuries old ghost in a box. Yeah that one was fun, that and the others in the area. It had me hooked though, hunting, I had gathered everything I could, filled my house with whatever stuff I needed to get ready for the next one and found Jones again.

Yeah the look on his face when I walked back in those doors was something else, because I was sure he never expected to see me again. The burly man shook his head, sighed and leaned on the counter as he tried to narrow his eyes at me and scare me away.  I stepped up, put the empty camera bag I had found on the counter and smiled.

“Fill me up.” I spoke softly, evenly even though I was terrified, not of the man himself but what i was asking him to do.

“You took care of the one in Gilbertville, didn’t you?” he had questioned and I only gave a slight nod before he looked me over.  Moments passed before he let out a breath. “Good job, what do you need.”

“The usual, and travel sized, I’m taking it in this baby.” I smiled, patting the bag. He unzipped it, looked at the different compartments and his lips formed an approving smile.  

“Never had anyone make up something that was portable, usually they just used some secret space in their car.” He shrugged, pushed off the counter and moved towards the back room. “Well, let’s see what I can get you.”

Turned out he could get me a lot, and with a few adjustments to the bag, I also had a place to stash the spectrum and the Walther when I wasn’t carrying. He managed to make me a license to carry, making my handling of the gun pretty legit, and I say pretty because, yeah, it was a hunter’s license, only needed to make it past the cop the might pull me over if asked.

He made IDs, federal and state, some wildlife, one for Mass, since he didn’t think I would be leaving the state much, and as I perused the many books that filled the back room, I felt his eyes on me. I know he had questions, but like any hunter, just didn’t bother to ask. I hadn’t lost anyone, not really, but most of the time the first question in anyone’s mind was   _ how did you get in the business.  _ I think he knew, honestly, I think he could feel it.

“How much?” I questioned, pulling the cash from my wallet.  Jones put a hand up, and raised a brow. 

“Tell you what, Angel, you come to me when you need a hunt, and we’ll call it square.” he answered. 

“Come to you?” At the time, I never questioned the suspiciously protective glare in his eyes, but knowing what I do now, I could look back and see it. “So what, you’ll be my handler?”

“If that’s how you wanna put it,” he replied. “I’m kind of the go between in this area, the one who sorts out which is which when it comes to hunts and morons.” I snickered at this because, yeah, I had met a few. “So since you’re close, I’ll call you, and you can tell me if you’re available for it. Nothing too harsh to start with, and then we’ll move on to bigger stuff. Sound like a deal?”

“Sounds like you’re just trying to keep me from hunting for cases myself,” and I watched him smile at me, yeah he knew I was new to this. 

“It’s not an easy business to get out of once you get in, so I just wanna make sure you’re ready for it.”  I took the bag off the counter, one that was surprisingly light even with all the stuff he packed in there and I winked.

“Jones, I’ve been in this my whole life, the hunting part just took a little to ease into.” I took a deep breath, grabbed a pen and paper and gave him my cell number. “For when you catch something, just give me a call, I’ll answer.”

“You might not want to with what I have on the back burner,” he replied and that made me curious. 

“You got something now?” 

“A case in New Hampshire, got two very talented young ladies who could use a hand.” Jones looked me over. “Looks like it might be one of your cases too, since you seem to be pretty adept at the whole Salt and Burn method. So what do you say?”

“What’s their names?”

Jones smiled, “Birdy and Arrow, and I think you’re going to like them.”

His grin told me everything and the case was in the books. Tomorrow, when the kids were off to their father’s, my two hour trek across the border to New Hampshire began, and for the first time in a few weeks, I was definitely in my element.

~~~~~

The car slowed once again, rousing me from another round of sleep that I didn’t know I needed and I listened to that Mustang pull in behind me. The Grand Am wasn’t far behind that, though I wasn’t sure how Christian got it since he had gone shotgun to the cabin, but honestly at that point, I didn’t care, I needed to pee.

Pushing up from my spot on the seat and opening the door, I found myself face to face with a Winchester, and at this point it didn’t matter which one because I was still a little perturbed at both, but it was the one I always knew would be right in my face if something was up and I rolled my eyes.

“What is it, Dean?” I growled and pushed past him as he stood there with a scowl on his face. I rounded the car just as Sam disappeared into the store to get coffees and Dean followed only to grab the pump and pull down the plate. Since he didn’t answer, I turned and looked at him. I suppressed the urge to move right up, take his face him my hands and kiss him until he was gasping for air,  Taking a deep breath, I chose not to move any closer, and keep the pump between us. “Listen, I’m sorry I snapped in the car.”

“He’s right, you know.” the green-eyed man whispered. “I can’t let you go, I can’t love you like I should but I will be damned if I push you away.”

“And like you said, you’ve never pushed me away, Dean, so just suck it up and deal with it. You told me once, we can’t help who we’re with and we can’t help who we fell for, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t love each other.” I replied and shrugged, “so we go with  _ it is what it is _ and we deal, but you need to remember how much you love her. Remember it and hold onto it.”

“What if I can’t?” he looked almost defeated as he said this to me and I knew what he was doing, he was scared and I could see it in his eyes, making me smile.

“God forbid, Winchester, what if you can?” he stood straight and looked at me, but I only turned and disappeared around the building where the bathrooms were, but that was when I caught just the hint of Sam’s voice, something low and secretive and I moved to peek around the very corner of the building.

Sam stood there, towering over the man who wasn’t more than half a foot shorter, but he looked so small compared to the moose of a man that leaned against the building. Crowley tipped back on his heels, his chest expanding with breath as he pursed his lips in consideration and dug his hands down deep in the pockets of that overcoat before he raised a brow and looked up at Sam.

“It certainly couldn’t hurt.” The King of Hell finally spoke and Sam put his head back on the wall. “The problem is getting to that conclusion.”

“Whatever way it has to be, Crowley, this is the only thing I can think of that will keep them together.” Sam whispered, but I could read his lips, okay maybe he wasn’t as quiet as he thought but he really wasn’t. “Look this isn’t a deal, this is us working together to figure this out. You said you don’t know when she put that in the book, but it had to be sometime after you popped into the picture, so her grandmother knew about Dad, Dean and Ali, she had got to know a way to get them out of it.”

“Get that book, Moose, and I’ll figure it out, until then, just like you, I’m poking at ashes.” Crowley’s accent made that sound awful ominous but it was the words out of Sam’s mouth that made me curious.

“Dean’s going to kill me.” He sighed.

Crowley turned, gave a sly smile and shook his head before he walked off into the woods. “If I were you, it would be more Ali that I would worry about.”

His head moved to look in my direction and I quickly ducked back behind the corner. What the hell was Sam doing, and with  _ Crowley _ ? Why would they need my Grandmother’s book? I took a deep breath, could feel that the demon had left the area and I moved back towards the women's room, dipping in the door, and closing it lightly as I flicked on the light. 

I guess we all had a moment of the same thing in our life. No matter what we did, we would always sacrifice for family.


	31. DH Remembrance - 31

**hapter 31**

Old Time Rock and Roll 

I think I was more awake the rest of the trip then I let on. My nerves were on end because of the boys and their argument, and possibly the way Sam had secretly met with Crowley behind the store, but mostly it was occupied by the very annoying song that I had picked up along the way, one that no matter what Dean played it wouldn’t leave my head.

By now the boys had switched driving, so Sam sat behind the wheel, his eyes going to me every now and again as he glanced up at me in the rear view, but that was only when I was pretending to drift off again, otherwise, the trip consisted of minimal conversation and very little time where there was no music blaring through the speakers behind me.

Like I said, a very annoying song played over and over in my head and where I had picked it up was just a mystery to me because you would know when you heard something that contained fiddles.  

After leaving Sam, or more to the point, leaving the bathroom. I had come around the corner and face to face with Danni. She looked a little off, which wasn’t something I would be too concerned about except the expression on her face wasn’t just off but confused.

“What?” I whispered as I took her wrist, pulled on her to follow me back around the corner, not that I was trying to hide, but with three men and an angel, I wasn’t at all sure that our privacy wouldn’t be interrupted, and hey, girls go to the bathroom in pairs, right? “Danni, what is it?”

“I had a memory, I mean an honest to God memory, not something that you told me.” I crossed my arms and raised a brow, asking her to spill since she seemed about ready to explode. “Okay, so we were in Virginia, at least, I’m going to guess because we stayed at an Econo Lodge, right, in Winchester.”

“Not fessing because it’s your memory, you tell me.” I replied and she sighed as she ran a hand over her forehead. “Just tell it like you see it.”

“Okay,” she took a deep breath, let me see the frustration in her eyes as she tried to keep her cool. “You and the boys were in one room, which, by the way, what the hell is up with that, you constantly have both of them fawning over you, and not even just now, but back then as well.”

“Concentrate, we’ll get to that after.” I groaned.

“Okay, so I was in another room with Cas, and he had his hand over my heart, that in itself is pretty freaking weird but then he started to glow, and I mean not only bright but hot, and he pushed it at me, into me.”

“Sounds shockingly like sex.” I joked but her face didn’t register the humor. “Okay, okay!”

“The problem with this nice, white light was that I got ramped up from it, like a power surge, I mean I could feel everything, and not just Cas, I mean I knew where Dean was standing in the next room, where Sam was, and then I could feel you.” I suppressed another urge to give in and say something about sex but she saw it on my face and shifted her weight, “you done? Are you going to take this seriously at all?”

“I’m done, I swear.” I grinned and watched her nod.

“Ah-huh, that boy needs to give you just a little bit more special time,” she stated and moved on. “The problem was with you… Ali, you didn’t feel like the boys, you felt… darker, like you were something I needed to get rid of. Why the hell would I feel that? Why would I want to treat you like a monster.”

“Because I was one, remember? The demon was taking over, I was as dark as they came and slipping into a new level of it.  Your light, which was what you saw… Cas giving you some angel mojo to level you up… your grace was what called you to me, what drew you in.” I closed the gap between us, making sure our eye contact never faltered. “Listen, when you relive it all, when you get those feelings back and your own memories, know one thing. You are family, you’re my family, my sister and I love you.”

“I know that.”

“No, you need to know it and understand it because I did some pretty nasty things back then, to you, to those boys and hell, when they get it all back, when you do, it wouldn’t surprise me if all three of you dumped me on my ass and told me to figure it out alone.” I watched her brow furrow. “Yeah, it was that bad.  There are three things you have to remember, no matter which way the memories come out in it. I never touched Dean, not romantically, that was your knight. I took those hits because I deserved them, and I never meant to put you in this position with those blades, I acted, just the way I always do, on instinct and it nearly got us all killed.  But if you do remember and you want to kick my ass, I’ll let you.”

“I’ve wanted to kick your ass since this whole thing started, but that might have just been the older sister in me and some sibling abuse.” Danni smiled. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You say that now,” I whispered, “just don’t be so sure.”

“Hey!” Christian called out as he rounded the corner. “You two coming or what?”

“Yeah,” I answered, rather quickly, glanced at her one more time, brow raised and I stepped by her, wanting a hug but not taking it, because the feeling of her being so close was starting to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.

I watched as Chris stayed back to talk to Danni, and I was glad, so glad that she had him because I felt like I had let her down again. I had brought them into this so that they could remember, so that I could have back the part of me that I so desperately needed, but now, all I felt was their pain and confusion.  I met Castiel’s eyes as he stood by the passenger’s door on the Mustang, just for a moment before I climbed into the backseat of the Impala.

So, we’re back the beginning of this fun little chapter of my life, where I’m sitting in the back of the car, staring off into nothingness as I listen to the old rock tunes that come from the speakers behind me with an irritating song about a Devil who decided that Georgia of all places was a great state to visit, but it wasn’t long before things began to look familiar and the Summerford town limit sign came into view. 

I sat straight, gave Dean a glance because with all his information on Jo, I wondered what his reaction to it would be. He only peeked in his sideview at the car behind him, the Mustang that seemed to jet forward and fall back. Taking a deep breath, I kept myself seated, fought the urge to reach out and touch him, either one of them, and let it out slowly. They didn’t need my darkness, none of them did.

~~~~~

Jo Harvelle, a petite blonde of a thing, moved faster than I ever thought possible, especially when she hauled ass out of the building and jumped into Christian’s arms. That, as I moved from the back of the Impala, made me smiled, but the grin only widened when Danni moved from the Mustang and literally took two steps from the door before the blond had her lips crashing down on Danni’s, arms wrapped tightly around her for a long moment before she let go. 

Apparently, that was the way she said  _ thank God you’re not dead, Asshole _ because all Danni did when she let go was grin.  Jo moved on to Sam, then smiled up at Dean as she placed a hand on his cheek before hugging him. There was no odd feelings there, even though both knew about the other, you could see it in their eyes, and Christian can’t stop gossiping to save his life.

However, that smile dropped when she turned to me, the others waited as she moved up. We stood less than two feet apart, not sure how any of this actually went, but I watched her hands tuck behind her back, knowing there was a gun there, and I stiffened before I realized she was tucking them in her back pockets.

“I didn’t believe you, and I’m sorry.” She replied.

“A hunter’s life, Jo, and hunters’ rules.” I shrugged, “you take care of your own, and that includes keeping them from strange, crazy women who happened in off the highway.”

Jo took a breath, her glances went between Dean and Danni as the man leaned protectively against the Mustang, Danni close by his side. Yeah, he looked like the ultimate bodyguard, but you could see the emotions in his eyes, and her gaze settled back on me as I continued to watch them.

“So, it’s true?” She whispered, a little pain in her voice, “Dean has is bad for her?”

“Yeah, Cupid’s arrow hit that one and made him dumbstruck.” I grinned and looked past her at Sam. 

“And you? The way Christian was talking about you and him…” I raised a hand, stopping her as I took a breath.

“He’s family, she’s my sister, and I told Christian it wasn’t that way.” My smile fading. “I have Sam, he’s all I need, but we have other issues to worry about besides torrid love affairs and strange triangles.” I shrugged as I put my hand on her shoulders. “And I, need a drink.”

“Come on in, I’m sure I can find you something.” Jo gestured only with a nod, turned and I followed her in, or at least I tried to. 

Cas had all but disappeared at that point, having given me a nod when he stepped out of the car, but it was Sam that stopped me, putting his body in my path as the other three disappeared into the building. All I did was reach out for him, that was all I could do, that and let my arms wrap around his waist as his arms embraced me. His hands, as big as they were, tucked under my arm as he held me, the other covered most of the spot between my shoulder blades, as his thumb caressed the back of my neck.

“You don’t have to pretend to be strong,” He whispered against my head.

“I can’t afford to be any other way, Sam, as much as I would love to break down and say screw this, I can’t.” I let my body relax in his arms, letting the sound of his heart thump in my ear, wanting it to be all heard. “I feel like I’m ready to break apart as it is, and I don’t even know where the hell this is going.”

“Well when you do, I’m right here.” I smiled at this because I know there was something else. My mind was just set on the doom and gloom of it all, couldn’t see past my own self-loathing of what I had done to believe  _ maybe _ in the end, he would still be standing beside me. I nodded as I pushed back from him, taking a deep breath as I glanced up and let his lips brush against mine. “So?”

“So, I really need that drink.” I laughed and watched the small smile crossed his face, a smile that parted his lips, wrinkled the corner of his eyes as he looked away, same as he always did before he took my hand the two of us walked into Harvelle’s.

Christian had miraculously found his way to the pool table and started to rack it up, Danni and Dean were already at the bar, he with a beer in his hand, she with some sort of soda and mixed drink.  I made sure to sit on her side, away from Dean and I watched the small frown as he looked me over before putting the bottle to his lip. I hated it, hated being so far away from him but what was said in the car stuck with me and I couldn’t let it go.

Jo leaned over the bar at me, almost like our first meeting. “Something I can getcha?”

“A coke and a shot of vodka,” I grinned, knowing this dance and watched her eyes light up since she knew it too. 

“Together?” She asked, and her eyes narrowed, waiting to see if I gave her just what she wanted me too.

“Depends on your cups.” And Sam’s eyes just widened as he shook his head, apparently known the outcome of this little conversation.

“Already told you, about a B,” she winked and pushed up her bra before backing away from the counter to grab my drink. 

“Hey, Jo, two shots, like last time and yeah, you can mix them.” I replied and watched his eyebrows go up as he turned on the barstool towards me. “What? I drink Sam, it happens.”

“Yeah but in the middle of the day?” I rolled my eyes and I tried to look at him seriously but that didn’t stop the smile from coming through.

“When the urge hits,” I whispered and ran my nails over his jean-clad thighs, “sometimes you just gotta scratch it.” I heard that growl, in fact I’m pretty sure everyone in the place heard that one and Danni’s hand was on my back, just between my shoulders.  “It’s okay, Dan, he’s fine, just a little revved up.”

“Sounds like he wants to eat you.” Danni replied, getting close and my eyes locked on the darkening ones of the younger Winchester.

“Oh I’m pretty sure this Big Bad Wolf has something completely different in mind.” I grinned as I went to take my hand away from his thigh and his hand came down to take my wrist.  He didn’t move, didn’t grip, just held me there like he wanted the contact, but wanted to pull me into the bathroom and have his way, not that I would complain at all but Jo came back and set both a beer and the drink down on the counter in front of us. “Thanks for the redirect.”

“Any time,” she laughed and I reached out blindly for my glass as her eyes went to Sam. “You okay there, Sammy?”

He took in a shuddered breath and finally tore his eyes away from me to look at Jo and take the beer.

“Fine,” he grouched before he caught his own attitude and put it in check and you could see the way he switched gears. “Sorry, yeah, I’ll be fine”

“So, when Chris said he was bringing you here, I thought he was pulling my leg, what brings ya’ll to my neck of the woods, and please don’t say hunting because I had to fight off a werewolf last night and I don’t want to hear about it.” She groaned, which got Christian’s attention and he walked over, sauntered was more like it and the look on his face was either  _ you didn’t tell me this,  _ or  _ werewolf hunt? Where? _ , I couldn’t decide which, until Jo answered his unspoken question. “Yes, Campbell, I’m fine, I can handle a werewolf.”

“But that would make two, one before we left,” I started and looked up at him, which means he got the implications of my sentence.

“You guys have a pack problem?” Dean’s voice spoke up and my body shivered, like visibly and I watched Sam’s eyes, no jealousy there, but he saw it nonetheless.  I cleared my throat and looked anywhere but those blue-green eyes. “Why didn’t you say something? We could have been down here sooner to help.”

“It was one puppy, Winchester, I don’t need you swooping into save my ass.” Jo huffed apparently offended by the fact that Dean would even imply that she was in need of anything.  Dean cleared his throat, which was all I heard because my back was to him. I took my glass, winked at Sam and hopped down from the stool.

Without a word, but with five sets of eyes on me, I made my way over to the pool table and picked up the stick that Christian had put down. I heard the frustrated sigh he gave before he came over towards me and watched as I took a long drink of the strong mix, okay maybe two or three long gulps before I set it down on the table behind me, and proceeded to line up a shot.

“Hey, that’s my game, Porter!” Chris whispered as he leaned close, even as I leaned over the table.

“You left it hanging, beside you were doing a piss-poor job of it anyway, I watched you sink the cue three times in the small period you were over here.” I laughed as I pulled back and then shot the stick forward, sinking two balls, one solid the other a stripe and stood straight to look at him. “I’ll give it back if you want.”

“Nah, looks like you need to get some hits off.” he smiled. “There’s a sparing room in the basement, we could… ah, wrestle for that shirt that I still have.”

“Which by the way, was one of my favorites!” I grinned as I poked him in the chest and he closed his eyes in mock orgasm.

“And damn does it ever smell like you.” I shook my head and went back to the pool table, concentrating on the way the balls sat at least until he came closer. “What’s with you and the boys? You and Dean mostly.”

“Car ride revelations,” I growled and shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I let the stick slide again, taking two more out before I grabbed the drink again, downing the rest of it. 

“Easy there, lush, don’t you think you’re hitting it a little hard?”

“Oh this ain’t hard,” I smiled and patted him on the stomach, “wanna get me another one, just like this, Jo knows how I like it.”

“Not yet she doesn’t but you let her get you drunk, she might.” He laughed and took the glass before disappearing up to the counter. 

I watched as the other three split up, at least the two of them. Sam headed off to the bathroom and Dean made his way over. I tried so hard to not look at him that I found myself staring at the way his legs moved. 

“We gonna talk about it?” he asked as leaned against the table, just as I lined up.

“Nope!” I said with a pop on the last syllable.

“We can’t go around ignoring it.” he sighed and I smiled as I finally looked up at him.

“You want me to not ignore the fact that you all but admitted to your brother how you have felt about me from the beginning, with the woman you love sitting right there?” I whispered as I moved up to stand less than an inch from him, I mean that was what separated us, an inch. Dean’s eyes got hard. “I know you love her, Dean, I know you’re in love with her, so stop trying to figure out what’s between us and concentrate on what is going to happen between you two.”

“I do love her, I couldn’t live without her, not again, but Ali…”

“No, Dean, there is no  _ but Ali _ anything in this situation anymore.” I snapped, pressed the stick to his chest and shook my head. “I won’t be the thing that comes between you and my sister anymore, so stop, just stop and back off.” His mouth opened and I almost heard the words before they could escape his lips. “There is no  _ I can’t _ in this equation Dean, you have to let me go, I have Sam and yeah, I have you but that other part of us, that can’t be, it won’t be and you know it, so as much as I would love to say yes and make this a whole family affair, it can’t happen. We need to distance ourselves, try to get past this need to touch, and I’m sorry if it hurts, because dammit, it’s killing me already, but we have to do it, for their sake, both Sam and Danni, we have to try.”

He paused in his breath, I watched his chest take one in as he held it and finally he let it go, “Fine!” he stated and placed the stick on the table, before turning and walking out the door, pulling the pack from the front pocket of his jeans. Yeah, after that, I’d need a cigarette too.

Christian returned with my drink and watched me slump against the heavy cherry wood. I reached out, grabbed the glass and down it almost in one breath but he grabbed it away from me and set it on the table.

“Come on, let’s go downstairs.” I felt his fingers wrap around mine and slowly felt the pull, letting him lead me to wherever it was we were going.  I glanced at Sam, who held no malice or worry in his eyes as Christian and I disappeared around the corner and down the stairs.

~~~~~

Stepping back, smiling, but breathing heavy, I raised my wrapped fists again and looked at the shirtless, hazel-eyed man before me, one that looked like he couldn’t take one more hit, but I was pretty sure it was all a ruse to get me to swing at him once more.

I had to admit the hour of mixing it up with Christian had definitely done my disposition a service, though I was sure the man in front of me regretted even suggesting it. I glanced behind me as Christian straightened, but I knew who was there, I could feel him as soon as he walked through that door and leaned against the wall, arms crossed, yeah I even saw him out of the corner of my eyes. 

“You’re not going to let a little Winchester distract you, are you?” I laughed and watched the scowl cross his face.

“One more, Porter, just one more.” He growled, like I had just offended his pride.

“One more, what the hell is that going to do for you, you’ve lost every other  _ one _ !” I laughed and watched him get into fighting stance. “Okay, Campbell, one more, just for your manliness.”

“Manliness.” he laughed, “it has nothing to do with this, I just wanna wipe that smug smile off your face.”

“Well then, my dear friend, bring it.” I smirked and watched him come at me. 

The one thing he did wrong the entire time we were down there was exactly what he was doing now, coming towards me, full force, like his bulk was going to do anything but offset his weight and just as he reached out to tackle me, I ducked and weaved, catching him by the ankle as I knocked the back of his knee with my elbow. 

He rolled, this time grabbing me as he went down, and I found myself pinned underneath him, his hands wrapped around my wrist.

“Don’t make me do this in front of your boy.” He smiled, thinking he had the upper hand.

“Have you met my boy? He’s not easily deterred from what he wants, and you can try but I’m pretty sure he knows I can kick your ass.” I replied, bucked up against him and threw him off center. With a twist, I had my wrist out from his and one of them around his throat as he was now pinned beneath me, but I also knew that wouldn’t stay that way for long, so I planned my next move.  “You know how this ends.”

“You think you know, but really, you don’t.” He laughed and tried the same move I did. I knew it was coming and moved quickly out of his way, jumping up to back off as he got to his feet. “Son of a bitch.”

“Yeah, told you.” I shrugged and prepared for his retaliation. “Can I have my shirt back.”

“Oh I think I did a pretty good job of getting the one you had off, don’t you?” He grinned and I agreed to the fact that yeah, I was sparing in a sports bra, but what did that get him, because he wasn’t sneaking any peeks or making any moves.  “I’ll give it to you, if you get me down in sixty seconds.”

“Sixty to get you off,” I laughed, “off your feet and onto your back. Dude, I could do that in a blink.”

“Well, chicky, bring it.”

It didn’t take much and honestly I think the fact that Sam was standing in the room with us was the ultimate determining factor in the fact that all I did was sweep his leg out from under him and he landed flat on his back. Smiling I crouched down, hovering just above his chest as I placed my elbows on my knees and watched him. I had the balance I needed to hold the move even if he tried anything to throw me off but he just put his arms up, tucked his hands behind his head and raised his eyebrows.

“Nice view.” He grinned.

“Gonna give me back my shirt?”

“You’d have to stop by my room later,” he winked, “I keep it tucked right in the drawer next to the lube.”

“You’re sick!” I said and slapped my hand down on his sternum, which left him breathless with a huff. “You can keep it if you haven’t washed it yet, and it’s stiff.”

“Oh it’s been stiff.” he mocked and watched me as I moved, still unconcerned with Sam being so close but as I sat down on the mat beside him, he rolled over on his side and rested on his hand so that he could prop himself up.  “So still not talking about Dean?”

“Wanna go another ten rounds?” I questioned, pulling one of my knees to my chest. “No, not talking about Dean, not talking about Sam, not going to touch Danni, just want my shirt back.”

“God, you are such a stuck up brat!” He growled, sprung to his feet, ruffled my sweaty hair and grabbed his own shirt as he walked towards the door. Slipping the shirt on over his head, he stopped by his cousin and looked at me. “She’s a pain in the ass! Good choice!” he patted Sam on the shoulder. “I’ll have it back to you tonight, Porter!”

“Whatever, dude!” I smiled and watched as he left. Sam raised his brows, looking at me from under his lashes as if he had just happened to walk in at the end of this instead of the beginning and smiled. “You can come in, no one is going to bite.”

“Dean would beg to differ,” he said as he moved towards the mat and sat down beside me. “You need to talk to him.”

“No,” I whispered, not looking at him either, “I really don’t.”

“So, what, you’re just going to push him away?”  Sam sighed. “Listen, I didn’t bring up what I did in the car because I wanted you to be angry, or that I wanted Dean to confess some profound connection between you two, because honestly, I’ve always known it was there. He doesn’t love easy and his protectiveness of you from the beginning told me his feelings, I just didn’t process it. I know he loves you, and you love him. And yeah, he’s in love with Danni, but Ali, you’re in there too.”

“Okay, please stop.” I whispered, closing my eyes, and with that, he pounced, well not really pounced but I was suddenly on my back looking up at him, his body weight pinning me down as I pressed my hands to his chest. “I don’t know what you are expecting to accomplish with this.”

“I’m trying to get you to actually admit your feelings for him.” I rolled my eyes, tried to get away from him but his lips against mine were something I couldn’t ignore. It was just a peck, just a slight little insistent brush of his lips. “You can’t keep ignoring it, either of you.”

“What about Danni?” I questioned, his lips just a brush away from mine.

“You think he’s going to move on when all he can think about is protecting you? And I’m not saying he’s not protecting Danni, don’t get me wrong, he loves her deeply but this curse, this spell or whatever it is, it’s keeping him from doing that because of how connected you two are.” 

“None of that statement made any sense. He will move on, if we put the distance between us, if I’m not there to protect, why would he feel that constant need and you think I pushed him into a relationship with her, no… I didn’t because you were the one that pointed out to me that he had his eyes on her.  I don’t think the connection we have has anything to do with how he feels, how I feel, love or otherwise.” I pushed him off, grabbed my shirt and pulled it on. “I don't think the two of you can get any more confusing. Do you think that him admitting anything is going to get us somewhere faster, further than we are now. I  _ love _ you, Sam, I’m  _ in love _ with you, and if you think my “feelings” for your brother is going to change any of that, you’re wrong.”

I walked out of basement, hearing Sam follow as I slipped on my sneakers. I loved these things, just slip them on and go, but I could hear his boots hitting the floor behind me, more so when I hit the hardwood floor of the bar room, but his pursuit of me stopped as Dean stood from the bar, blocking his way, that was the only thing I caught out of the corner of my eye before the blinding light of setting sun stung my eyes and I found myself walking out between two of the cars.

I took in a deep breath, I needed to get away, needed to literally run away but that was when I heard the squeak of the door springs on the old rusted screen door and turned in my spot. I didn’t expect to see what I did when I spun, the woman in black, tall, leggy, with bright red lips stood before me, just a breath away but there nonetheless.

“What the hell do you want?” I snapped and watched the cruel smile crossed her lips. “I’ve remembered everything, I know where it all started, I’m doing what you want, why won’t you leave me alone?”

“Ali!” Sam’s voice broke through the strange fog that she was creating, as if it were just the two of us in the world and I watched as she was instantly in front of the man, who had managed to come off the porch, standing midway between me and the rest of the crew.

She was on him in an instant, her hand wrapped around his throat as she seemed to lift him off the ground. Sam struggled to breath as her painted nails tightened and I stepped forward.

“You son of a bitch! Put him down.” I drew the gun, knowing that it probably wouldn’t do him any good because I had seen what Dean’s had done to her but that cruel smile turned to a toothy grin.

“Now they need to remember!” She whispered and it seemed as if I was the only one who heard it because my eyes went big as Dean flew from the porch, beelined for Sam but was stopped dead by her claws, and her hand really did look like a claw, sinking into his chest. 

“DEAN!” I screamed as I ran towards her, not all that far of a sprint but I found myself between the two men, facing up at the woman as both men struggled for their lives. I could feel the energy that flowed around them and her eyes locked on mine. “Let them go! They don’t need to remember that! They don’t need to remember any of it.”

My pleas were answered as she suddenly dropped her hand from Sam’s neck, the taller one falling to his knees and I watched her twist her hand on dean’s heart, that smile turning to a sneer.

“This one…” she looked at him, “this one will never forget.”

And in a bright flash, she was gone. Danni ran down from the porch as I knelt before Sam, his arms coming around my waist as he dragged in a few breaths. I watched the look in Dean’s eyes as he stared at me in confusion as his knees gave way and he was suddenly sinking to them. Sam wrapped his arms tighter as the pain of his memories bombarded his mind and I placed both hands on his head, hoping to keep it away as I tried to connect with him, the same way I had connected when he met Danni but all I felt was anger.

“Danni,” I whispered and turned to look at her as she too moved to kneel before Dean. I watched her hands reach out. “No, Danni! Don’t!”

But it was too late, her hands were on his face and I saw the onslaught of emotions in her eyes and his memories, or at least his feelings drew out the memories in her own mind. I watched with fear as Sam suddenly grasped my upper arms and sat back, as the breathing behind me leveled out and I could see everything in his face.

Sam knew, he knew everything now, and all I could see in his eyes was anger and pain. Pain at the fact that I had taken John from him, anger at everything I had put him through and the knowledge that whatever memory had hit him only a few days ago was real.  

Dean groaned and my eyes locked on his green ones, there was nothing but confusion and uncertainty in his eyes, but there was no anger, no hate, and that wasn’t what I expected. Of all of them, I thought Dean would be the one that would never want to look at me again, not Sam, but when my eyes landed on Danni, I saw the disappointment in her. She knew everything from the jump, she had been there when I told her about it, but the fact that now she had feelings to go with the memories and of course memories of her own, the look of sheer disappointment was almost too much to take.

I looked back at Sam, at the blue-green orbs that stared at me, darkened by the anger, by the confusion and pain, and I let him go.  All of what he had said in the car, in the basement, all of that was wiped, gone from his features. He didn’t care what the hell I felt for his brother, or for him it seems because he suddenly let me go, sat back on his heels and stared.

I said the only thing I could as I rose, and felt my chin begin to tremble. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, just to him, just to the man that I loved, “I’m so, so sorry.”

And with that, I turned and walked away.


	32. DH Remembrance - 32

**Chapter 32**

Aftermath

I heard the footfalls of someone behind me, even through the fog of emotions, just as I turned onto what was considered the main street in town.  I closed my eyes as the fingers wrapped around my arm, expecting with everything I had for it to be Dean, but when I turned, the hand that landed on my shoulder to steady my feet was Christian and I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face. 

He looked sad, like this had happened to him but I couldn’t stop them from running, no matter how hard I tried. 

“Stay here,” he whispered, trying to keep my eye contact as I forced myself to look anywhere but him. “Ali!” He snapped and this had my attention. “Look, Jo has got Danni, she’s got the boys, I’m in charge of you,” I blinked once as I looked up at him. In charge of me, how the hell was he in charge of me? “I’m going to take you back to the motel, okay. Get a room and we can figure it out from there.”

“I’m not sleeping with you!” I said in a slightly monotone voice, but I totally meant it sarcastically.  He smiled as he kissed my head.

“One day,” he grinned, still being his slick self, but he brought his eyes back to me, “one day, you’ll come around.” I tried to smile but it came out as a week nod.  “Stay here, I’ll get the car, you don’t have to go back to the bar. Just promise me you’ll stay here.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said softly and watched as he turned and ran back to the Grand Am. I looked up, scanned over the Impala and the Mustang and was caught by Sam, who was standing beside the post, leaning on is with his shoulder, his eyes burning with anger and I took a deep, ragged breath before I turned and started walking again.

The sound of the engine beside me was the only thing that made me stop and I glanced over as Christian pushed the door open and slowly I slipped in, closing it tightly as he floored the gas, dumped the clutch and spun out of the spot like hell on wheels. Usually that would get me, the motion of the car lurching forward, but like everything else I think I was numb to that as well.

We pulled up to the hunter’s motel, and Chris cut the engine, glanced at me with that snarky smile and got out. I don’t know what I was doing, running on autopilot maybe but before I knew what was happening, I was walking behind him, making my way through the door to the same room we had stayed in before. I didn’t crash down on the bed, I slowly sat and I watched with a certain disconnection as he knelt in front of me, hands on my knees, again, trying to catch my eyes.

“Hey, Angel, look at me.” He whispered and that was when I noticed the way he spoke, a mixture of Sam and Dean, just a hint of their voices with a twist of his. My gaze rested on his once more and he brushed my arm lightly with his fingers. “They just need time to adjust, none of them, not one of the three of them, is going to abandon you.”

“I would understand if they did,” I whispered, “I killed their father.”

“What?” Christian whispered and sat back just a little in disbelief.

“I killed John, I walked away from his funeral.” I started and once I did, I couldn’t stop. “I took on a darkness that both Danni and I had to deal with without her consent, I begged Dean to kill me, I led Sam around with his emotions and I tethered myself to one of them. I became the evil they hunted and in the end, I did the worst thing you could imagine. I made a deal with the angels to wipe the slate clean.”

“You did this?” he rocked back on his heels.

“I did all of this, which I have been telling you from the beginning.” I clenched my teeth and took a deep breath. “I made them forget, I sent them on this path thinking that at least they would be alive instead of dead, but in the end, I screwed them up. I screwed us up and the angels gave the boys memories of John that I can’t erase and sent Danni on a path where she didn’t understand her powers, something that made her run and do things that could have gotten her killed.”

“Why?” he looked confused, which he should have been, like they all should be and I leaned forward.

“This power that Cas is so set on blocking, this power vibrated through every part of me. I’ve hunted demons with it, killed dozens of them in Virginia and I thought it was over, but it’s come back and I can’t fight it… I don’t want to fight it, Chris.” I went to stand up but he was on me in an instant, locking me down on the bed as he towered over me, arms at my side. “I want to become it and end it, once and for all, because apparently I didn’t do it right the first time.”

“You want to sacrifice yourself to save the others?” He laughed but it was sarcastic and full of disbelief, “how very Winchester of you.”

“Yeah,” I replied softly, “pretty much.”

I watched him back away, shaking his head as he closed and locked the door, took his usual spot in the seat beside the door, legs up on the second one, arms crossed. My own little sentry and I sighed. 

“You can’t keep me locked in here.” I whispered, my voice full of a challenge and he just grinned. 

“There is a lot of things I could do to you, Sweets, locking you in here, that’s the least of them.” He replied. He wasn’t mad, but I could see his thoughts working, trying to come up with a plan, a way to keep me safe and the others at bay until things settled down, but it wasn’t long before the roar of the Mustang filled my ears and the rumble of the Impala followed.

“Time to face the aftermath,” I whispered and sat back on the bed as Christian stood and moved towards the window, looking out as he heard the doors close. They were headed right towards us, I could feel them, and before the first fist hit the door, the hazel-eyed man swung it open. I ran both hands down my face as I stood and waited for the lashings. 

Danni walked in first, staring at me like I had two heads, Dean was next, concern written all over his face, but he didn’t come at me, not like I thought he would, he just grabbed the seat that Christian had been using as a footrest and turned it around, tucking it in the corner as he sat with his arms on the backrest, like he was caging himself in. It was Sam and his overwhelming presence that had me on my toes as those ever changing eyes locked on me, full blue which meant a multitude of emotions were going through his mind at that moment, none of which were good.

“Ali, why did you leave?” He questioned, but there wasn’t much concern in his voice, there was more of a disappointment that I hadn’t stayed to face the music.

“You have a gun tucked in the back of your jeans,” I replied, my voice calm and uncaring, “would you have stuck around?”

“I’m not going to shoot you,” he whispered, evenly, which was weird in itself. 

“Not yet,” I mumbled and took a deep breath, knowing he had heard but he didn't reply to it. “You all needed time to process what you just remembered, without me there, without that… extra stimulation.”

“We need to talk about it.” And I smiled because of course we did, but I itched the back of my head and moved towards the dresser, leaning against it as I crossed my arms. 

Danni found her way to the spot on the bed that I had just occupied and sat, just watching me. In fact every eye in the room seemed to be on me. I cleared my throat and locked his gaze, nodding as I gave him just a little grin, not finding this funny at all but if I didn’t smile then I was going to get angry, and if I was angry, then the whole world would have been hurting.

“So, let’s talk,” I shrugged, “do you want to go first, Sammy, or do you want Danni too? I’m sure Dean has a whole bunch of crap he would love to let on me about, you know becoming the monster, the carnage, but you, I know what you think, I can see it all over your face.”

“Enough!” Danni snapped and put herself between me and Sam, facing me with crossed arms.

“So you first then?” I whispered, and prepared myself for whatever she had to throw at me. 

“I know everything, I knew everything before but it didn’t register.” Her eyes narrowed as she shook her head. “What were you thinking?  You knew what the God Killer blades were for, you knew it, yet you picked them up and used them. Do you have a death wish?”

Funny how I swear I had heard those words before, but I shook my head. “I was trying to do the right thing,” I said mockingly, then shook my head. “Nope, wait, I wasn’t. I was trying to save your ass from a bunch of demons.”

“You could have done that with just the spectrum.” She snapped.

“I could have but it wouldn’t have been as much fun.” I replied, and I found myself purposely trying to make her angry. “The research Dan, the ones we had spent months trying to figure out told us to stay far, far away from Winchester, yet, you and the Hardy boys end up there at the exact point in time where everything is supposed to go down. How did you let that happen?”

“Don’t pin this on me, Porter.” She growled. Real anger, Jesus Christ, it was about time. “You knew what you were doing walking in on it as well.”

“And from the jump, I knew something was wrong, from the moment I walked into that town, but you were playing sleuth and got yourself hooked on a magic mirror! I was trying to save you, but it just roller balled from there, one thing after another and suddenly I was being possessed by a demon, one that was haunting my ass, sneaking into my head, playing God knows what kind of dickhead game with me. I had no choice!” I snapped back.

“You had a choice!” She answered, “you could have asked for help.”

“And if you remember everything, you know I did.” I whispered, stepping forward, closing the distance. “I asked all three of you, and you helped, you did, you tried your best anyway, but nothing was going to stop Zane, not even an angel blade to the back.” I looked at Dean with this one and watched as he just stared. “So, I did the next best thing, I decided to protect myself, but I admit, I went about it the very wrong way, the way that I had to live with, that I would gladly die with and I was ready, Danni, I was ready to die just to atone for that one horrible thing. I killed John Winchester, and the damn demon that possessed him!”

I heard Sam draw in a breath. He knew the truth but to hear it from my mouth just seemed to cement it in.

“You could have stopped it at anytime, Danni, light and dark, remember and all it would take was the slice of a blade.” I whispered and watched the fight go out of her eyes as I stared her down.

“You really think I would have taken you out?” She whispered. 

“No, not then, but now, as the power comes back, since you know where yours is coming from, don’t you think now would be the best time to just end it?” I said softly and watched the hurt raise in her eyes. “Cas could bring me back, I mean, what if it was as simple as dying and when I came back it was all over?”

“That is the most screwed up plan I have ever heard,” she growled and clenched her fists, but I remained as relaxed as I could.

“What did you feel, what  _ do _ you feel about that, I mean back then you kind of kept it all in, besides the ramped need to accuse me of being with Dean. Do you want to punch me? Do you want to get it all out?” I questioned. “The anger, the betrayal. Go ahead, take a swing, but know this. Whatever happened in Winchester, it wasn’t your fault, it was mine and I take all the blame.”

“You take the blame?” she laughed. “Your deal with Cas, this deal to make us all forget, yeah that’s on you, but the last few months, what I’ve done, what we’ve all done to make it through, we need to own that. Do I want to punch you, yeah maybe just until you're broken and bloody, but am I going to do it… no because we need to figure it out, get rid of this tulpa and get on with our lives.”

“You say that like it's the easiest thing in the world,” I sighed, “but it’s not.”

“No, I didn’t expect it to be. I’m pissed, Ali, beyond so and right now, I have to go, because if I don’t, I will slug you!” 

“Don’t hold back on my account.” I replied as she turned to walk away.

“It’s not you I’m worried about.” She sighed and I watched her fingers light up with the power that she held inside. “I’m worried I won’t be able to stop.”

“Always the angel,” I whispered, and watched her give me a dirty look before she headed for the door. Dean stood quickly and followed, leaving me to stand in the room with Sam, as I moved back against the dresser, just listening to the argument outside the door.

“Danni!” Dean’s voice called, loud enough so that I could hear, and Christian ducked out, willingly following his friend. “Don’t do this, don’t leave.”

“I have to, just for a little bit, just to get my head in order.” I heard her say. “Don’t worry, I’m not going far.”

But then the voices went to muffled sounds and I heard the sounds of doors closing, two doors and then the rev of the Mustang’s engine before Dean slowly came back in and made his way towards the bed, where he sat down and sighed. 

So here I was, left with two Winchesters, and I looked over each on before I sighed. “You guys might as well just have at it.”

“Really, Ali, this is how you’re going to play it?” Dean questioned and I locked on him.

“Do you want me to slap some frosting on it and call it a cakewalk?” I laughed, “this isn’t easy for any of us, so right now, wouldn’t it be better to just get it out in the damn open?”

“Cake? You’re going with cake?” He snapped, and I knew in that moment that he had no idea where his emotions were going, so I turned to Sam.

“What do you got, Hot Stuff, cause I can see it in your eyes that you have a lot to say.”

Sam took a deep breath, lowered his head as he seemed to form his thoughts, but when he looked up at me, he let that breathe out slowly.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Alright,” Dean spoke up, standing as he moved towards the door, “I’ll give you space, but try not to kill each other.” 

The door closed behind him, almost completely but not enough to say that the oldest one walked away and I watched Sam come closer his eyes focused on me. 

“Lay it on me, Sam,” I whispered, “just let it go and tell me what’s on that beautiful mind of yours.”

I watched as his chest puffed up, something that normally happened when he was about to let it all out and I smiled, waiting for it because this wasn’t going to be good at all. 

“You did this Ali,” his voice was surprisingly soft but stern, like he wasn’t ready for the emotions behind it, “you killed Dad, you put us on this path!” Sam growled at me, and there it was. I stared up into those intense blue-green eyes. “You don’t know what this is going to do to Dean! He loves you! Ali, this could kill him!”

“And what about you? Because he seems to be handling the news pretty damn well from what I can see.” I replied, trying to keep my tone even. “So, what about you.”

“What about me? I know the truth, finally I know what you did.” He clenched his fists just trying to work it all out in his head, “I know that you sacrificed yourself to save the rest of us and it's the same God damned stunt that Dean pulls every single time and that’s why I know how he’s going to react, because it nearly killed me!” I wanted to say that the older one seemed fine, but then again, this was Dean and damn if he couldn’t hold it in. “The memory I saw, the one when we were in the bathroom. It was you walking away from me, walking away as I put my father on a pyre and lit the freaking thing up, but  _ you walked away!” _

“And you followed!” I reminded him, “and that was the one that you were so uncertain of, the one that you were so sure we couldn’t get over?”

“Because I loved you! I followed because I loved you! I love you still but I was able to forgive you then, Al, I could see past what had happened, I knew he wanted it done, I didn’t need to hear your reason behind it because I would have believed anything that you told me, but this… I can’t get past this! You never bothered to even tell me your plan, to erase us all, to make us forget. To make me forget you! I wanted to marry you, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you no matter which way I had to work around it to make it happen.” He let his breath give out with the knowledge that yeah, he had asked that one question but now it had all fallen apart.

“And now?” With him it seemed like everything that led up to that moment wasn’t important, not the way I acted, not the way it all went down, just the fact that he had asked and I said yes.

“Does now even matter? You disappeared for months, you made Cas and Gadreel change our memories!” Gadreel, where the hell had he gotten that from, I never told him about the other angel, I certainly didn’t tell him that he was involved, but I let him go on. “You left me alone, to live without you, no matter how much I tried to fill that hole it would always be here, and you left me hanging there in oblivion while you tried to forget again eight times. Eight times, Ali.  I needed you! I don’t care if I remembered you or not! I needed you and you weren’t there, you had decided long before the tether, before the spells to fight this, you decided to rope Cas into probably the most obscene promise he could have ever made. And you didn’t even prepare me.” I watched him start to fume, really start to get angry as that darkness crept into his eyes taking over the color there, the oceans I stared deep into were getting choppy and a storm was beginning to brew, “YOU said yes, and you still knew how it was all going to end.”

“I didn’t,” I whispered, “I didn’t know that it would be that way, that our lives would be turned upside down, that you would have to endure the pain that you did. I didn’t know they would change your memory of him, of the way…” I paused because I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “I said yes because I wanted it with everything I had, I want it still but there was nothing, no way out of the darkness for me. I said yes because it was a light in the night, a ray of some sort of hope because if you loved me that much, Sam, there had to still be some good in me.”

“Good or bad, Ali, I would have never let you go.” he snapped and shook his head, “I don’t know why you couldn’t believe that.”

“And now?” I asked again.

“And now…” he whispered, licked his lips and turned, walking towards the door. 

Dean was standing there, leaning on his with his arm. He pushed past his younger brother and sat down on the bed, before Sam looked at him, then at me and walked out. I followed him to the door, listened to the muffled stuff he yelled and closed my eyes as I heard the door to the Impala open, felt the vibration as it shut and let the rumble of the engine flow through me.

I was trying to breath, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me but I was pissed. Beyond pissed, I was livid.  Sam had driven off faster than I could get  _ wait _ out of my mouth. I knew he wouldn’t understand, not after what he had remembered but I was hoping at some point he would at least have given me a chance to explain.

I moved passed Dean as I entered the room. His green eyes locked on me as I headed towards the bathroom. He knew too, he remembered everything. He knew the part where I wanted him to kill me, to end it all before it got to this point, but he was just sitting there on the bed.

He was the one that I thought would be angry and never speak to me again, but no it was Sam that bolted like a bat out of hell, needing his “room to think”, “space to clear his head” leaving me with all the pent up emotions that even I didn’t understand.

I stopped before I passed the second bed and clenched my hands into fist before I closed my eyes and listened to his breathing.

“Go ahead,” I sighed, “Cause, if I’m going to get my ass handed to me, I might as well make it a double and call it a night.”

“I’m not…” he started and slowly I turned to look at him, his lips were pressed together, his hands were open as an expression of  _ what do you want me to say _ and I watched him take in a deep breath.  “I’m not mad, okay, not like Sammy, and he loves you, Kid, he'll get passed it.”

“How can you not be upset?” I found myself laughing as I ran a hand through my hair before gripping the back. “I killed your father, Dean, I took a blade and put it through his heart and held him as he died. How can you not be anything but ready to strangle me?”

“Because it’s better than what they made us believe,” he stood and came towards me, his hand reaching out, “Okay, it's a thousand times better than the images those douchebags with wings gave us as a memory… hell, Ali, i would take you slaughtering a dozen demons, hopped up on a magical blade over what happened to Dad any day, so yeah I’m not mad, not at you!”

“Well, you should be!” I growled and turned away from him. I thought I would make it to the bathroom at least, but I barely made it two steps and suddenly I found myself with an arm out, bracing myself against the wall, trying not to let him wrap around me completely, but I could feel his breath against my ear, his hand on my stomach as his fingers spread wide and he used his free hand to push the hair away from my face and neck. I growled. “Don’t!”

“Or what?” he laughed as that hand moved, the back of it sliding down my arm as he took ahold of my fingers in his. 

“Don’t hold me like this, Dean!” I begged, “don’t do this to yourself or me, it’s not supposed to happen.”

“I can keep going, but I’m not going to play this game, Ali,” he kissed my cheek softly.

“No,” I sighed as he brushed against my skin, already very sensitive and I raised the hand he held to grab the back of his head, just the little bit of hair I could grab. “You have to stop.”

“Only if you really want me too.” his voice was like a melody and my heart raced as his hand left moved, leaving me to hold what little of his hair I could grab, “Tell me to stop, Ali, and I will. Tell me to never touch you again, and I’ll do it, I swear I will, but if you don’t…”

“Dean!” I snapped turning in his arm, “it's’ too strong, don’t you feel it?”

“I feel everything, Kid, and it hurts,” he sighed, “everything that you feel, I do, everything that Danni goes through, I’ve been there, and Sam… Don’t get me started on Sam, but this, you and I, you can’t just tell me to stop and not want me to do it more.”

“For the sake of the other,” I growled.

“Look, I love Danni, I really do, but us, this, what the hell can we do about it?”  He sighed, stood back and pushed my hair from my face, cupping his hands on my cheeks as he tilted my head up to look at him. “I don’t get it, I really don’t but for some reason, this is us, all of us and this is how we work. We mess with it and things go really, really bad, so why would I stay away? Why wouldn’t I keep you close?”

“You are the most stubborn man I know, and trust me, I know your brother!” I tried to smile but as soon as I did, the tears started to fall, real tears as I finally let Sam’s words in, heard everything that Danni said to me and his hands moved to tangle in my hair, pull me close and I let my knees give out.

Dean moved me towards the bed, cradling me on his lap as his lips pressed against my head. I let the sobs take over, the months of forgetfulness, the days of secrets all washed over me and I tried everything just to cry it out but soon I found that I had nothing else to give, but I still didn’t move from his arms.

I closed my eyes as the sharp sting behind my eye began to grow, turning into the feeling of an ice pick going through my head and I released him long enough to press my hand against it.

“Ali?” I heard him question as the pain took over and suddenly I was gripping his shirt because there was no way I could reach in and squeeze the pain away. “Ali, talk to me.” His voice became distant and I slipped into a darkness.

~~~~~

_ There was nothing, nothing but the blackness that surrounded me, at least, nothing that I could see right off the bat.  It was dark in the room where I opened my eyes, slipped out from under the covers and made my way out into the hallway, passing a mirror on my way by and I stopped dead in my tracks.  I was staring into the eyes of my eight-year-old self. _

_ Shaking from the shock of it, I moved out and down the hall, I knew exactly where I was. The hallways, the thin stairway to the first floor, they were all so very familiar and as I moved, I noticed the light at the bottom coming from the area of the kitchen. With a shivering breath, I turned the corner, dipped into the small space between the curio cabinet and the wall and looked up at the broad shoulders of a man that stood in my grandmother’s kitchen, the worn, brown leather jacketed back to me and I tilted my head just a little, as his deep, authoritative voice perked my ears. _

_ “They saw each other, Doris, they touched and it’s already started,” he growled at my grandmother.  “Dean hasn’t stopped asking about her since the river, so whatever the hell you have to do to stop it, do it now.” _

_ “It’s not something that I did, John, it’s written in the stars.”  My grandmother sighed, trying to calm the man who paced. “The only thing I can think of doing is actually very dangerous, and are you sure you want to put your son through that? He’s six, there shouldn’t be any connection between, not that strong, not just yet.” _

_ She must have been talking about the green-eyed boy from the river, the one that gave me the towel, the one who told me his dad was a superhero. The one that I couldn’t get out of my head no matter how hard I tried.  Yeah, it had been a month, maybe two and I hadn’t stopped talking about him once. _

_ “Something, Doris, anything,” he pleaded. “I can’t have Sam going through what Dean is.” _

_ “That’s not how this works.” My grandmother laughed as she reached out to the man and sat him down at the table.  I could see his face, handsome, except for the worry lines, dark hair and dark eyes, just like I remembered him and I placed a hand over my mouth. If he was here, was the boy as well? “You’re talking about a connection older than time itself, there is only one way to satisfy it, only one way I have ever seen.” _

_ “What? An arranged marriage?”  John laughed sarcastically. _

_ “NO! Never! They will never be that, John, but they will always crave the other’s touch, it’s just part of the deal.”  _

_ “How can they survive loving other people if they need to keep the other so close?” John sighed. “What about Sammy? What about his part in all of this?” John questioned. Grandma sat down beside him and put her hand on his. “I pulled away from her father to keep this from happening, we knew about this so long ago.” _

_ “You can’t stop destiny.” Those words, that saying, I knew there was something familiar about it when the woman in black said something, and now I knew.  “There is one thing you can do, but John, it won’t last forever, they’re meant to find each other, all four of them.” _

_ “Danni can’t be involved too, you promised her father.”  _

_ “I’m a witch, not a miracle worker.” She smiled. “I’ll give you something for Dean, you need to have him drink it all, but John, it only last for so long, at some point he and Ali will meet.” _

_ “Hopefully when their old and gray and this won’t take away from their lives,” he said with a little bit of anger. “My sons have been through enough, don’t you think? Losing their mother? It’s hard enough to raise them on my own knowing what I do. Dean’s a smart kid, he’s going to figure out there is something in the darkness.  What do I do then?” _

_ “You don’t keep it a secret that’s for damn sure.” She scolded and moved to her cabinet, the one that she always kept the sweet smelling bottles in, the ones that were multiple colors and she pulled on from the shelves, placed it in the palm of his hand and curled his fingers around it. “Like I said, I think this is a bad idea, it won’t last forever.” _

_ “It will last long enough.” _

~~~~~~

The cold spray of the shower hit me like a thousand small shards of glass and I took a deep breath, hoping that I could catch the breath that it stole from me. Dean’s hands were on my cheeks, giving me something real to grasp onto as the memory faded into the background.

As I breathed in deeply, my eyes meeting his, I could see the worry in them, and I reached out to grasp his soaked shirt.  Turning off the water, there were no words exchanged as he picked me up and placed me on the toilet, wrapping a towel around me tightly as he grabbed a tank and a pair of shorts, not sure what the hell kind they were, not sure I cared.

When my ice cold fingers refused to listen, Dean knelt in front of me, grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head, pressing the towel to my chest as he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he pulled the tank back over covering up the bare skin, but he looked at me as if to ask really when he held the boyshorts up and smiled.

“Not touching this one, Kid.” he said playfully as I snatched them from him and waited for him to leave the room before I changed out of my sopping jeans and tugged on the panties. Wrapping myself in a towel, I moved out to the bed, climbed under the blankets and waited for him to move from the window.

He looked over at me, saw that I was settled and came to the other side of the bed. My eyes widened as he stripped his wet shirt off and laid down beside me. He rubbed the back of his head, but he made his way towards me. He slipped down beside me, I felt his hands on my arm.

Instead of turning me away, to put my back to him, he pulled me closer, so that I molded around his body, my head pressed against his chest so that I could feel his heartbeat under my ear, and I let my arm drape across his stomach. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head as he settled beneath me, one arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly to him, one arm up behind his head as he let out a breath.

“What did you get? I know it was a memory but of what?” He questioned, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him, the one thing I did know was that there was something else at work here, something other than the tulpa.

“We need to go to Winchester.” I sighed and felt his fingers tighten on my arm, “but what she said, what I assumed was where it all began, I think I was wrong.”

“So where are we headed?” he whispered.

“Nowhere yet, not until I do some looking into it.” I whispered, wanting not to do anything until I was certain, but there was just the way my grandmother said destiny that made me think there was another beginning that the Woman in Black was talking about. I just didn’t know if Dean would understand.  He nodded as his arms wrapped tighter, phone in his fingers as he tried to text Danni once more before he sighed in frustration and put the phone down on the end table. “She’ll be okay, I swear.”

“Yeah, and Sam loves you, Al, he’ll come around,” Dean whispered, giving me the strength I needed to face whatever fear I had tried to bury deep, but it was the next words that left his mouth that had my heart racing. “I love you, that’s never going to change.”

“Dean,” I know I started, but the sigh from his lips told me I didn’t need to finish, that I shouldn’t finish, and his hand ran through my hair.  I closed my eyes, letting the overwhelming need for sleep rush over me and felt myself drift into the darkness.


	33. DH Remembrance - 33

**Chapter 33**

Truth and Consequences

 

The door opening was what had my eyes fully open and I found that I was looking at the empty second bed, well the first bed in the room, but it also showed me the tall man that walked in the door. He stopped when he caught sight of us, me with my back to Dean, the man behind me lying still on his back, shirtless, but Dean was above the covers, and I was somehow still tucked under them.

Sam’s jaw clenched as he moved, letting his eyes fall on mine and he set down the folders and the coffees that he had in his hand. Wonderful, another case, but he didn’t say anything as he sat down at the table, opened his laptop and started to browse the internet. The ticking of the keys was what stirred Dean from the light sleep he was in and I felt the bed move, his hand coming up to run over his face as the one I was using as a pillow squeezed my shoulder and slowly he moved out from behind me.

I didn’t move, didn’t even bother to adjust myself as I watched him grab his shirt, pulling it on before he made his way over to sit across from Sam, pulling his socks on. I stared at the two brothers, contemplated my next move and realized I couldn’t live without either of them.

“Have you heard from Danni?” Sam asked and I watched Dean stop, his eyes narrow as he looked down at his phone, where it sat on the table and there was just a small shake of his head. 

“Not since she said her peace and took off. She hasn’t returned any of my messages.” Dean said in a sleepy, deep voice.

“Aren’t you concerned?” Sam’s eyes went right to mine.

“Of course I’m concerned. I know she’s with Chris and I’m pretty sure he’s got her six,” Dean answered. “Like I said, texted her… a lot but there is no answer. I sent one to Chris too, got nothing back. She just needs a little time.”

“Don’t you think she’s had enough?” Sam shook his head. “I mean, this happened to all of us, not just Ali, not just you and me.”

“What do you want me to say, Sam?” Dean sat up straight and looked at his brother, brows raised. “I want to go after her, I really do, but where? Where do I start? This is Danni, hardass, take no shit Danni, the real one, and if she needs time, well, you know I got to give it to her.”

“No,” Sam replied, “you don’t.” I almost sat up at this one, “you just don’t want to leave her.”

“Well, no freaking duh!” Dean snapped. “Can you promise me you aren’t going to kill each other?”

“What?” Sam growled.

“Sam, the way you left, man, you were off the rails, and there’s no way that I’m leaving  _ her _ with  _ you _ , if you are going to be completely nutso!” Dean sighed. I turned over in the bed, faced away from them, which made the room go silent. 

“I would never hurt her.” Sam admitted some long moment later, breaking the silence. “I know you have this thing about protecting her, but you don’t have to, not from me.”

“Yeah, you didn’t see the look in your eyes when you walked out!” Dean growled, stood and I heard the shifting of his boots as he opened the door, with a little tell-tale squeak of the hinges, before it closed again.

Silence took over the room, just for a second before I felt the bed move under Sam’s weight. His hands came down on either side of my head and his breath was right against my ear. I heard his lungs fill as he breathed me in and as much as I wanted to say that was a smile I felt on the lips that brushed my cheek, I wasn’t all that certain that it wasn’t a cruel grin.

“Did you get off?” he whispered and I couldn’t help the shiver that escaped me. Sam was dangerous at the moment, and so much so that if he touched me, I would have given into anything he wanted but he just held his stance, close but not close enough. “You smell like him.” His nose moved over my skin, lips caressing spots that cause small noises to escape my lips. “He’s wrong, you know, I would never hurt you.”

This made me turn onto my back to stare up into the blue-green eyes as his lips brushed mine, and his tongue flicked out, maybe to moisten his own, but it only made the touch on mine hotter.

“Sam,” I started, but the feeling of his hand against my face, cupped over my ear as he traced my forehead, stopped me from saying anything further.  

His mouth moved, closing his lips over mine, as he moved around me. What he was doing, what he had done to get the angle he wanted was something I hadn’t paid attention to, at least until I felt the covers move. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling his fingers shift under the fabric, sliding down over my stomach and into the waistband of the soft cotton panties I wore. I ground my teeth together, feeling the slight burn as he dipped into the wetness there but I wanted it, could feel the need for it and I pushed back on those thick fingers. 

Sam growled against my open mouth, as I kicked the covers off. He tugged down on the material, the intrusive underwear that kept us apart and I gasped as he slipped another finger in. I wanted to tell him I didn’t need it, that I was more than ready for him, but holy hell was he ever magic with just a flick of his wrists, a twist of his middle finger that found the sweet spot that I craved. 

I arched against him, felt his chest press against me as his breathed in deeply, releasing my lips.

“I need you to not smell like him,” he stated possessively, but that did nothing but elicit more sounds from me than he cared to deal with. 

Did he know what had happened, did he realise how much I craved them both and that having Dean’s arms around me was almost as erotic as having Sam inside me?  If he did, he didn’t care, but he moved my hips, turning my body to the side as he fought to keep the kiss connected. 

I knew what he was doing, I could feel every part of his touch as he pushed my right knee up, as if I were sleeping, facing the door, before his hand came up from behind, where he had settled himself in the mess of a bed, and slipped in yet again.

I had to release him then, had to move as I bit down on my own arm, bringing it up from across my chest while I lay on my side, trying to control the panting breaths that he drew from me. Oh my God, he was heaven, and sin and everything in between. When I heard that zipper slide, felt the bed shift as he tugged his jeans down, just enough for access, not enough to inhibit him from bending his leg over mine, pinning my left one down as he took my right and hooked it over his, I didn’t protest. The rough material of his clothing was still evident against the feel of my bare skin but I didn’t care.

There was a lot of things I didn’t care about, the way his arm came over me, just like his leg, locking me in place as it slipped between my breast and his hand gently held my throat, the way he slipped in, not allowing for time between the intrusion and the first drawn out withdrawal before surging back in, because he knew that was how I liked it, and I certainly didn’t care when the door opened and Dean stopped in the doorway, eyes locked on mine, he turned quickly and closed the door behind him, slamming it shut.

I felt Sam’s mouth against my neck, heard the growl in my ear as his hips continued to move, just about the same time that his lips came down on my neck. I didn’t keep back the moans as Sam moved with a purpose, the position being one that left me wide open to him but it was the pain of the bite that had my eyes rolling, the sounds escaping me, between the pleasure of his body and the pain of his mark.

It was erotic as hell to hear Sam’s moans, feel the swell of the younger Winchester within me. I gripped the pillow, then thought different of it and placed my hand on the one wrapped around the front of my throat. I didn’t want him to squeeze, I just needed to hang on as he moved quicker, hips creating a motion that had the sound of skin slapping skin resonating through the room.

I bit down on my lips, letting out a sound between a whimper and a moan, something that told Sam I was getting close. His grip moved from where it lay beneath my hand to my hip holding me still as his thrusts became demanding, hard and unyielding but his head went back, breathing more into my hair then onto my skin as I felt him stiffen, before moving again, the warmth of him spilled out with every pull.

I don’t know when it happened, but the noises he made sent me into another spastic orgasm and I felt myself tighten around Sam’s thick member. He was buried deep, riding out the last of his own waves when mine hit and he groaned deep against my ear, his mouth finding my earlobe before his teeth bit down. 

Dean opened the door again, this time not caring what he was walking in on and shook his head. His eyes went from me to Sam and back and he shook his head.

“Damn, you two!” he snapped. “I’m sorry but I had to go and now I need a freaking shower!”

With that, the older brother moved his feet and stomping past the end of the bed. I heard the bathroom door slam as I lowered my head, chin to my chest as Sam brushed light kisses against my skin. I turned my head, seeking out his mouth, finding it caressing, wet and ready as his tongue delved inside. My body rocked with another wave as he pulsed but didn’t move away, not until he broke the kiss and pushed himself up to hover above me.

I stared up into his eyes, his leg shifting, allowing movement of my own before he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

And the mood went sour. 

“It’s not you who needs to be sorry,” I replied, turning my head away from him. “I did this to us, to all of us.”

“You did what you thought was right.”

“I’m not Cas,” I snapped and moved to slide out of his hold, not that he was actually keeping me anywhere. “I know right from wrong, I don’t do things impulsively.”

“You don’t? Really?” he questioned and I turned to him, watching as he looked over my state of dress, or undress… whichever way he wanted to read it. “I think we both know that is complete BS.”

“Think what you want,” I growled and moved from the bed. “The way I remember it, I did what I had to, whatever it was to keep you safe.  I’m just sorry it hurt you.”

I stood from him, not ready to be that close to him, not after all we had been through, not after the moments in between and I grabbed my bag, glanced up at him one more time and headed into the bathroom, the one that Dean was suddenly moving out from and I stopped to stare up into his green eyes. I moved past him with a purpose and I closed the door and leaned back on it, placing the back of my head against the door as I closed my eyes. Christ even the bathroom smelled like them, both of them.

What the hell had I done?

~~~~~

I could hear the phone vibrate with music even through the thick door, but it was the sound of Dean’s worried voice that made me really pay attention. As I walked out of the bathroom, he was just hanging up, and Sam was coming back in the door, his eyes resting on his brother’s then on mine.

“Is she okay?” I questioned as I grabbed my shoes and started to slip them on as I sat down on the bed.

“Yeah,” Dean whispered and cleared his throat, looking up at Sam. “She, ah, spent the night at Jo’s place but the three of them want us to meet at the Roadhouse.”

“For what?”  Sam questioned, as he put the bag in his hand down on the table, it was my first-in bag from the Impala but I could tell by the way it lay that something was missing. 

“Regroup?” Dean shrugged, seriously not knowing the answer.

“Guess we can’t put this off any longer,” I mumbled and stood, stepping between them as I snatched the bag off the table and brought it to the dresser. I could feel both their eyes on me, as I slipped the spectrum out, clipped the damn thing around my belt, and then tied it to my leg.

“You’re going in armed?” Dean questioned, to which I only nodded.  “Why?”

“Ever gotten punched by Danni before?” I smiled but both boys shook their heads, “yeah, it isn’t fun, and not that I would use the knife on her, but I have to protect myself someway.” I also grabbed the Walther from the pack and slipped it into the back of my jeans.  “Besides, there are other forces I’m much more afraid of then my sister.”

“Which are?” Sam’s voice made me almost stand at attention. I didn’t matter if we had just “made up” or not, I could still hear the anger in his voice.  I grabbed the bag, again, feeling how light it was and I shook my head.

“The word Winchester comes to mind.” I replied and went to walk by him but Sam grabbed my arm looked down at me. 

“Neither of us are going to hurt you,” Sam whispered.

“Actions and words, Sammy, actions and words.” I shrugged away from his arm and made my way out the door. Behind me, I heard Dean move past him.

“Just leave it, Sam, we’ll come back for it.” Dean mumbled to his brother to which Sam sighed and the two followed me to the car.

I slid into the backseat, glanced down on the floor where my pack had been and check under the seat before sitting up just as the boys climbed in.  I caught Dean’s eyes in the rearview, and frowned. The whole day hadn’t gone anywhere near where I had hoped, I mean my thoughts for when we finally all had our memories was something I pictured being completely different.  My gaze shifted to Sam and bit down on my lip as he turned in the seat and scanned me over.

Like I said, nowhere near what I had planned.

~~~~~

When the car pulled up to the Roadhouse, there was only three other vehicles occupying the lot. Danni’s Mustang, Chris’ Grand Am and an SUV that I assumed was Jo’s. But I got out and made my way into the building, leaving the main door open as the screen slammed shut behind me. Oops! Jo, Danni and Christian looked at me as if I been banging pots and pans near their hungover ears all day.  

I gave them a quick smile and made myself at home on one of the tall round bar tables.  I unzipped the bag and listened… okay, I eavesdropped as I went through everything in the bag, pretty positive that I was missing something out of it, or possibly hoping that I had left it somewhere else, a super secret place that I only knew about but forgot, which so isn’t what happened.

I heard the door close to the Impala, followed by one more as Sam got out and though I couldn’t see what exactly they were doing, my imagination took me to a scene where Sam stopped Dean from coming forward, making him back up against the front fender of the car, essentially stopping him from coming into the bar.

“What happened when I was gone?” Sam whispered, but not low enough that I couldn’t hear.

“She lost it,” Dean stated, his voice full of irritation as I heard his boots shift, like he was closing the distance between him and the younger brother. “ _ You _ broke her. She’s not holding it together, Sammy, and it’s not just the memories from June but when we were kids too.”

“Did she tell you about it?” More shifting of boots. 

“No,” Dean growled, the frustration in him growing, and I didn’t want to talk about the fact that John and my Grandmother had planned something for Dean, something that made us forget. “She just kinda shut down.”

“How do you know then?” Sam’s tone was stern, as if he were the older one, but his question was valid.  How did Dean know?

“How could you  _ not _ know?” Dean fired back, “Sam, you know Ali like the back of your hand, everything you could imagine is right there on her face and you’re the closest one to her.”

“Apparently not,” Sam sighed, “Did you tell her? About how you felt?”

“What?” Dean seemed surprised at the question, “I told her I loved her, yeah, but that other stuff... It’s too much right now, too much for any of us, so we’re gonna go with that,” Dean admitted and I took a deep breath. He must have done something because there was an unnerving silence before he responded next and I heard the car door slam. “What, Sam? Just spit it out!”

“What you said, about knowing her like the back of my hand,” His voice was quiet, calculative, and that above all else was scary because he only got that way when he was hunting, when he was figuring stuff out and I held my breath, “I know her, Dean, I know the feel of her, so don’t lie to me when I ask you about her, don’t try to spare me anything because I already told you, I’m good with it.”

“Then you’re more screwed up than I am.” Dean snapped back and I heard his boots move to go around the younger one, coming straight for the bar. I was on my phone, sitting at a corner booth when he made it through the doorway. It was the furthest away I could get without looking like I made a quick dash and I glanced up at him. Dean’s eyes locked on mine, I watched his fists clench before he blinked and turned away, heading for the bar. “Hey, Jo, can I get a beer.”

“Sure thing, Dean,” she said softly and popped the top on an amber bottle. “You and Sam, you two okay?”

“Peachy,” he sighed and glanced back at me. 

Nope, I wasn’t looking, I was just going to stay there in the corner and wait for the big explosion. I caught his movement as he walked over to Danni and whispered to her, low enough that even my bionic nosiness couldn’t hear.  

I looked back down at my phone, flipped through some of the pictures that were on there and stopped when I got to one certain spot where I had taken a picture of our motel room. There on the bed was my bag, with a large leather-covered book sticking out. That was what was missing, and I turned to get off the chair, but was met by Sam, who blocked my way. Not the best thing to do to me, ever.

“Hey…” I paused while trying to catch my heart, “Sam, do you mind.”

“Mind what?” he whispered, taking a step closer, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want him to because everything in my body screamed for him to touch me, but the fear of being cornered was just as strong. 

“Sam, please,” I licked my lips as I looked around contemplating ducking under the table, but I stopped as his hand touched my cheek, “you gotta let me out.”

“I’m not holding you here, Ali, just take a breath.” I watched the concern in his eyes as I rubbed the thumb of my left hand over the meaty part below my right. I could feel the hard ball there, just beneath the surface and as I tried to slow my rushing heart, it seemed to grow warmer.  Sam backed up, just enough for me to squeeze through and turn towards him, my back to the open floor of the bar now. Sam spun slowly, his eyes on the ceiling before they came down to meet mine, frustration holding them. “What’s going on?”

“It’s just,” I paused, still pressing in on the ball, my eyes darted around, “I’m just on edge, ya know, like,” I smiled, probably the most sarcastic smile I had ever made, “like could you guys just drop the other shoe already, and let’s have at it? I’m kinda going stir crazy here.”

“You want us to fight?” He questioned, his hand coming out to touch my face and while I longed for it, while I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and let that man take me over, I backed away. An angry smile crossed his lips as he clenched his fist. “So, what? Only Dean can touch you now?”

“No!” I snapped, and glanced back at the bar before I brought my gaze back to him. “No, right now I don’t want anyone touching me.”

“Why?” Sam grilled and I stepped up to him, feeling the fire in my veins.

“Because, it hurts.” I confessed, something I should have done before, with both of them, but I just let it continue because I longed for it. “It’s like my skin is on fire, like it’s crawling with a million ants that I can’t scratch and it literally hurts.”

“Why didn’t…” 

I cut him off, “would it have mattered?” I watched his hand relax as I shook my head. “He wouldn’t let me go, he wouldn’t just let it be because there was too much at stake, you know like me going off on a bender or something and you…  _ you _ were dead set on control when you walked into that room, when Dean walked out.” I felt the anger grow, and suddenly I thought back to what he asked, “did I get off? That was your go-to question?” I closed the distance tilted my head back as far as it could go because you know what, a foot and a half is a long way to look up. “As a matter of fact, I most certainly did.”

With that, I turned and walked out of the bar, letting the door slam as I stepped off the porch, turned and made my way around the corner of the building. I stopped for a moment, listening to the exchange of words that I couldn’t make out and once I knew I wasn’t being followed, I headed out towards the back of the bar, towards the field and beyond that, the woods.

I stepped deeper into the thick canopy of the trees, wanting nothing more than to get lost in the fact that they would never find me if I really wanted to disappear, but it was the pull of magic that lead me blindly down the paths, and over the fallen trees to a clearing not more than a half a mile away.  I stopped dead in the middle of it, glanced around at the odd feeling of something being there and unclipped the knife from it’s confines. 

“Oh, you won’t need that, Love,” Crowley’s irritating voice sliced through the quietness of the woods, as if all the creatures felt his evil and ran in the other direction.  I took a deep breath, the power in me drawn to the one that radiated off of him, and turned to face him. “Look at you, all hopped up on juice again. My, my, that angel did a piss-poor job of keeping his end of the bargain didn’t he?”

“I’m not hopped up on anything yet,” I replied but watched my vision change slightly, showing me the blackness that swirled through him. “I haven’t taken out any demons.”

“And that makes you a saint?” Crowley grinned, pacing back and forth in front of me, but I didn’t answer, just watched him move and he looked up from the ground, glancing at me. “Ah, see that’s where you would be mistaken,” he continued, as if my silence was a cue to move on, “the darkness doesn’t always involve demons, sometimes it involves anger, and conquest,” he stepped closer, so much so that we were literally less than a foot apart, “sometimes it just has to involve the intent.”

“What are you and Sam planning?” I questioned, my hands fisted by my side as I held back the urge to grab the handle of the blade. I watched the tight-lipped grin on his face grow as he  _ hmmphed _ and took a step back. “You said it was Dean that I would need help with, well he seems all well and good with the memories, so what exactly am I supposed to need you for?”

“It’s not time yet, Angel,” he sighed, “not time for you to know either one of those answers, you’re just supposed to remember.”

“I think I’ve had all of the memories I can take, Crowley, so once again, I’m asking you to answer one of the two questions, Sam or Dean, pick one!” I growled and suddenly he was in my face again. 

“No, Love, that seems to be your issue, but…” he took a step back again, “I can tell you this, things between you and Squirrel haven’t hit the fan yet because it’s not time. When it is, and trust me, it will be soon, you’ll be calling out my name like a cat in heat.”

“Interesting analogy.” I shrugged and shook my head. “I think I can handle Dean Winchester all on my own.”

“You realize that he’s still tethered to you, that your little unbinding spell didn’t work in Virginia,” he spoke so calmly that I didn’t realize he was even taking a jab. “Ah, so you didn’t know. Imagine that, you must be getting along in age, Angel, forgetting something so strong. I wondered why the two of you hadn’t tried to break it again, but it’s because you didn’t know it was still there.”

I rubbed my head with my fingers, just the pads of them, hoping they would calm the headache that was starting to grow just above my eyes, and I took a deep breath before I put my hand on my hip.

“What happened to Zane? Is he coming back? I mean, if Danni and I power-tripping does that mean the monster is back as well?” I watched his face change and he reached out a hand, odd for the King of Hell to be so touchy but his palm cupped my cheek and he sighed.

“That monster is not coming back, the gates on that cage have been sealed.” But his voice told me how worried he was.  “Is that what’s in your head? The hybrid?” The corner of his lip came up but only a little, like he wanted to be his normal sarcastic self but he couldn’t. “Ali, you need to fight this.”

“I’m fighting it with everything I am, Crowley, what else do you want me to throw on the fire?” I sighed, and I felt my body just want to cave in, my knees to give out as I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch, on that was surprisingly warm for a demon, but then I remembered Sam and blinked. “What are you and Sam planning? What do the two of you have cooking up, and where the hell is my grandmother’s book?”

“It seemed that your moose is just as stubborn as you and his older brother, you know that whole family thing. Don’t worry, Angel, I’m not going to let anything happen to him.” Crowley whispered.  

“How can you say that?”  I rested my eyes on his and watched as they sparkled with just a bit of mischief. 

“I gave you my word.” He answered and suddenly let me go. I watched him turn and move away, stepping closer to the woods at the edge of the circle. “Oh,” he spoke before he turned and looked at me. “That little nugget that you keep playing with, the one in your hand, you need to get it out, and the sooner the better if you want to finish what it is you started.”

“I’m not even positive I know where to go with it,” I sighed, pressing my thumb into my hand once again. Crowley raised an eyebrow. 

“I think you know everything you need to know,” he winked.  _ Winked _ !  And disappeared into the trees.  

“What... an... asshole!” I growled as I shook my head and turned back the way I had come, only to be blocked by a human, okay not so human, but definitely solid wall. Taking in a deep breath, I looked up at Cas. “Are you babysitting me again?”

“I still don’t understand why anyone would want to sit on a baby, it seems cruel and unusual when it would be just as efficient to put the child in a crib.” Cas mumbled as he looked down at me, his blue eyes glowing. I waited a minute, crossing my arms over my chest as I stared at him.

“You done?” I questioned after he had stopped rambling, and watched him give a slight nod. “What are you doing out here?” 

“Checking on you.” he answered honestly as the two of us made our way back towards the Roadhouse and I rolled my eyes, of course he would check on me, why would he not.  “I felt the power break through when Sam and Dean got their memories back. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to shield you from the aftermath.”

“There wasn’t anything to protect me from, Cas, they all remembered and only words were exchanged.” I rubbed my eyebrows, then grabbed his arm, stopping him as we exited the woods. “Cas, some major crap is about to hit the fan and I don’t know what I would do if I hurt those boys or Danni again.”

“You’re closing the wound, Ali, you’re trying to right the wrong you think you did.” he explained.

“So why doesn’t it feel right?” I sighed and felt his arms wrap around me. I pressed my forehead against his chest and let my arms slid up and through the layers of clothes that he wore, until I could feel the heat of him through the thin fabric of his tee-shirt. “Back to where it all began, what the hell does that even mean?”

“I thought you had it figured out with the tulpa,” he asked confused and I shook my head. 

“Something popped up in a memory last night and now… now I’m not so sure.” I backed up just a little.

“What?” he coaxed, “Ali, what did you see?”

“John and my Grandmother after the river, you know, the one where the hellhound drove us off the road?” Cas only nodded. “They were talking about a spell to make Dean forget, to make me forget. Ugh! Why am I just like her, I mean to do something to them twice. How much damage can that cause?” 

“The changes to the brain is miniscule, Ali, nothing you have to worry about, especially if it’s a spell. The effects of it should have worn off if it was done as a child.” I could feel his fingers at the back of my neck, kneading into my hair, feeling along the base of my skull before he tucked his head down and touched his forehead to mine. I could feel the power that he pushed towards me, searching for just a second before he pulled back and looked at me confused.  “I don’t feel anything, there isn’t any remnants of any magic from that long ago, even what Crowley did has vanished.”

“So what are you saying?” I questioned, totally confused.

“The spell was done on Dean, not on you but through your link, it must have affected you in someway.” he whispered. “It’s possible that one spell countered the other, and that might be the reason why you remembered the river but only as an adult.”

“It was like a fear, not a memory, not until we were together.” I whispered.  “So I never really forgot, I just stashed it away with a multitude of screwed up childhood memories?”

“It seems that way, yes,” Cas took my hands from behind his back and stepped back. “You need to get back to the Roadhouse, the boys will be out shortly looking for you and in their current aggravated state, that might not be the best way to approach the fact that you need to get back to Virginia and destroy that sigil.”

“Can’t you just wing me there?” I begged and watched him smile.

“If it were only me that you needed, I would do anything for you in a heartbeat.” He replied and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. “Just call when you need me, I’ll be around.”

“Cas,” I took a deep breath and looked up into his blue eyes, “I need you.”

“And I need you, but you know what I mean.” he raised that little dom-brow as if scolding me and released my hand. “You know how to find me.”

“Always,” I smiled, just a light one that made him nod and he backed away. With the sound of wings, he disappeared, leaving me to walk back to the bar alone. When I stepped through the door, all eyes were on me and I scanned each one for some sort of hint but I couldn’t find anything that would give away the need for those kind of stares. “What did I miss?”

“Ali,” Dean whispered as he stepped away from the bar. I watched the way he walked, the way he approached with caution and I tilted my head, just a little to take in the way he moved. Biting down on my lip, I stowed the sarcastic comment that I wanted to make, and waited for him to come just close enough before I raised my hand. “Sam said you were hurting.”

“Yeah, Dean, it’s not exactly a cakewalk with this crap.” I admitted, and watched as he stuffed his hands in his pockets to curve the need to grab me and just hold on, something I wished he would do, but the fire that cascaded over my skin was enough to make me nauseous. “So, what did I miss?”

Dean took a deep breath, “we need to talk.”

Oh, wonderful, my favorite four words in the entire English language. Yeah, that got a roll of the eyes from me. This was going to be fun.


	34. DH Remembrance - 34

**Chapter 34**

Blinded by the Light

It was a little more than two hours after we started “talking”, well from when  _ they _ started talking and I mostly listened, that they were really bringing up subjects that constituted actually having this craptacular family gathering to begin with. A lot of the conversation had to do with hunts, more specifically, the hunts that we had been doing lately and how they had been just a bit off from the norm. Of course, like I said, I had been mostly listening.

We had turned the chairs around next to the pool table. Sam had caught one next to me where I lay across the green, knees hanging from the end, so that he could look me in the eyes, Dean was at the end, closer to my feet, where he could give me a healthy slap when my legs started swinging back and forth, a sure sign that I had stopped paying attention completely. Danni was beside him, Christian had taken a seat in the middle and Jo positioned herself between the two younger men, essentially creating a human wall albeit a petite blonde one.

The noise of voice has been drowned out by the thoughts that raced through my head, muffling them into murmurs and uncertain words that I hadn’t realized had stopped until my sight, the fuzzy way the light above me shined in my eyes, was blocked and I focused in on Danni, who towered above me.

“Earth to Ali, you still with us?” she whispered and I groaned.

“Honestly, no,” I admitted and turned my head to look past her at the empty chairs. “What were we talking about again?”

“Hunts, monsters, you… but Dean went out to smoke, Sam is catching a few minutes of computer time and Jo and Christian are at the bar. You didn’t move when we split, so I thought I would check on you.” She shrugged and I sat up slowly, avoiding the overhead light as I did so, but it was the way the world spun when I looked down at my feet that made me realize I hadn’t eaten anything in awhile. “You okay, you just went really pale.”

“Yeah, peachy.” I whispered. 

“Here, give me your hand,” I felt her touch the small of my back to help me down from the table and I shivered at it and moved away.

“I got it,” I snapped and put my feet down on the ground before looking at her, apologizing with only my eyes, “thanks.”

“Still hurt?” She questioned.

“Like needles.” I cringed as I grabbed a handful of the peanuts from the table next to me and glanced around the bar, before my sights landed on her, “hey, ah, do you wanna take a walk?”

“Need to talk?” she smiled.

“Nah, just need to get out,” I shrugged and looked up to see Sam’s eyes on me, “I’ve heard enough talking for the last two hours.”

“Okay, breather, yeah, I can get behind that,” and I watched her as she signaled Christian, just a glance before we were headed towards the door. As she stepped out, Dean made his way in, holding the screen for us and I watched as Danni stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him softly before his eyes came to me. “We’re gonna take a walk.”

“Good, you both need to get out of here for a bit,” he smiled but i watched how it didn’t manage to reach his eyes as he looked me over, “you okay, Kid?”

“Hungry and tired, I guess,” I shrugged and the smile faded from him. I knew he could feel more than that. Crowley had said that the tether was still there, which meant he could read all of my emotions, and right now confusion and  _ not _ being okay was definitely floating to the top. He reached out as I walked by, his fingers wrapping gently around my arm and I glanced down at his hold, sighing, maybe Sam was right, maybe Dean was the only one that could touch me because there was no pain. “Dean…”

“Be careful, Al,” he whispered close and I could feel his breath against my cheek. “I know you weren’t paying much attention but there were things we talked about, things that you just... “ he let his breath out slowly, “text me or Sam if you gotta, we’ll come find you.”

“I don’t think Sam wants to do anything but be pissed at me,” I huffed.

“He’s just a little confused.” Dean defending his little brother was something I was totally used to, but the way he did it this time, this pissed me off because with all the stuff that Sam had said to me in the room, he wasn’t at all confused, he was just plain mad. “Forget that, text me as soon as you turn around to head back.” I watched as he looked over at Danni, “goes for you too, Short Stuff”

“Watch it, Pal.” She smiled and I watched the grin come back to his face.

“Hey, if I can bend you over a table without your feet touching the ground, you’re short.” Dean snickered back, and I felt the blush rise to my cheeks as the images started to flow. He looked down at me rather quickly and suddenly removed his hand. “Sorry, Kid, I totally…”

“It’s okay, Dean.” I tried to smile but moving away from him was the only option I had at that moment, especially with the way things were really amping up in my head, and he cleared his throat as I cleared the stairs. “We’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah, I’ll let the others know.” he replied as he watched Danni and I move past the Impala, I glanced back at him, watched him stuff his hand in his pockets and raise that stupid eyebrow before he disappeared into the building.

I moved in step with Danni, the two of us taking a leisurely stroll down nowhere road, since Summerford was a small unincorporated town in the middle of BFE (and if you don’t know what that means, well… it ain’t a hopping place), or maybe not Egypt but definitely Ohio. We didn’t say anything for a while, both of us just comfortable in the silence, and I realized that having her so close was actually really relaxing. My skin didn’t crawl, the fire in my gut had relaxed and I could see it in her eyes that even she was feeling the effects of us being together.

“So, ah, you stayed at Jo’s last night, huh?” I smiled, guess I had thrown the whole  _ not talking _ thing off the table, and watched the light shade of pink run up on her cheek. “What did Dean say, because you know, come on, he had to have some sort of comment for that?”

“He was curious,” she smiled and I mean really smiled because she knew I would catch the meaning of her phrase. 

“And, did you spill the beans?” I watched her shake her head. 

“You wanna play a word game with this one?” She giggled and I just shook my head. Word game, I was all about word games and double entendre but man, I was not going that path when she was talking about Dean and spending the night with Jo, because code words right now would make me turned off to so many things. “Well, let’s just say that he and I have a mutual understanding about my time with Jo, so long as I  _ spill the beans _ .”

“Christ, that man is insatiable.” I smiled but took a deep breath.

“Sam will come around.” She whispered.

“Yeah, maybe after he puts a dagger in my heart.” I shrugged.

“He loves you.”

“And I took the one thing from him that he wanted most,” I sighed and stopped, turning to look at her. “It wasn’t his dad, Danni, wasn’t his memories, or his pride or hell, it wasn’t even the fact that I walked away at John’s funeral,” I felt the heat of the anger at myself build and I did my best to push it down. “It was that I took away his happy ending, I said yes to something that we both wanted and then I pissed it away by basically saying goodbye without a word.”

“And you did it to save him, to save us, he’ll come around.” She shrugged, sticking her hands deep in her pockets but she didn’t look at me.

“What about you? Why aren’t you mad?” I questioned, and watched her look out at the road, the empty, long road that moved off into nowhere. 

“I am mad.” she shrugged. “I’m mad because I knew all of it, but I decided that I wasn’t going to listen to you, so yeah when the feelings came with it, I had to take off… again, and leave you alone but you know what I’m the most mad at?” She look at me as she took a breath, “the fact that I never had a chance to get past it. I mean there was so much about those months that I should have been worried about, the way that you and Dean were always hanging on each other, that he seemed to put you before me, always, and I mean almost as soon as we got back together in June was he up your ass about protecting you, always hovering.”

“It wasn’t like that.” I whispered, but maybe not from my perspective, but definitely hers… it actually was.

“Yeah, Ali, you never saw his face because you were too close. He loved you, more than you care to admit, him and Sam, they were stuck on you from the go and what irritates me is that I don’t think I ever really stood a chance.” She was calm in her venting, something that really threw me because I would have been screaming from the rooftops. “I should be livid that you chose those blades before you did me, but I get that move especially with what John told you, showed you. I should be wanting to strangle you for everything that happened with Cas, I mean, seriously you had that angel so far up your ass, it was a wonder you didn’t sprout wings but he was supposed to be helping me understand this power.  All these things I  _ should  _ be pissed at you about, I’m not, because the one thing I can’t seem to get passed isn’t even your issue, it’s Dean’s.”

“It’s not just Dean’s,” I sighed and rubbed my head, “it’s mine too and it goes back a hell of a lot further than just April, but you're right, it doesn’t matter because we should have had it sorted before we even stepped apart in Oklahoma.” I watched as she looked at me. “What do you want me to say, what do I need to do to make it better?”

“You can’t make it better, Ali, Dean has to,” she whispered softly, “this is mine and Dean’s issue.”

“It’s really not his issue, Dan, I mean not completely, I’m the other party in this.” I sighed.

“I can’t believe you’re defending him.”

“I’m not,” I paused, at least I didn’t think I was, crap! “I’m not defending his actions, Danni, I’m just saying some of it wasn’t his doing, some of it was something unavoidable.”

“Are you saying that his actions in the bunker, the ones where he would sit there with the phone for hours on end just wanting to text you was not his doing? Are you telling me that lying to me about a phone call, a stupid phone call as soon as you were on the road with Sam was not something he intending on doing? And the tether to you? The tether in Virginia, you know the one where he can hear your heartbeat? That one wasn’t his fault either was it?”  I could hear the anger picking up in her voice.

“The tether was to keep Sam from latching on to something that could have ripped him apart.” I sighed, but how the hell was I going to even counter that one, I mean I honestly had no argument besides that to explain why Dean had done any of that.

“So it was all for Sam, all to keep him safe?” She sighed.

“Just the tether, the rest of it… I don’t know, Danni, I really don’t but I do know that there was no way Sam could have handled that much darkness.” I sighed.

“All this time, all these months, Ali,” she sighed, rubbing her hand across her forehead, “Dean means the world to me, I love him, I’m in love with him and I want this to work, but if he can’t get past you…”

“Yeah, I get it,” I sighed and shook my head, placing my hands on my hips, “but I don’t know how to help you, or him.”

“You know what,” she whispered, staring me in the eyes, blue for blue, “I’m done. This conversation is done.”

“Danni,” I closed my eyes as she turned and headed off towards the bar. Ugh! Why did everything have to be so screwed up? “Danni!” 

She raised her hand as she walked away, basically telling me that she was done… again, and I let out a breath, looking up to the sky. 

I couldn’t move, not from the spot that I had stopped in as I turned in a circle, looking for a way out, a way back, or just another way to end everything but I was surrounded by nothing, literally nothing. Summerford was just a tiny place and the only thing I saw was trees. Heading off in a completely different direction, I grabbed my phone, flipped through the contacts and stopped on Dean’s name. For a moment I debated, before I scrolled past him to Sam’s number and let it ring before I put it to my ear.

“Ali?” His voice was soft, as if he were trying not to alert anyone else to who he was on the phone with, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, no so much, Sam,” I smiled, which was the complete opposite of what I wanted to do. 

“What happened?” the way his voice jumped an octave made me smile, but it quickly faded.

“Ah, well, Danni is headed back to the bar, I think,” I replied as I stepped onto the worn trail that lead into the woods, “I just wanted to let someone know.”

“Do you want me to come pick you up?” he was suddenly filled with concern, which stopped me in my tracks. 

“No, no, I’m just,” I took a breath because, yeah, being alone was so the smartest thing in the world, “I’m fine, Sam, I’m just going to walk back, it’s not a problem, we weren’t that far up the road and I’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?” he was tender, much like needed him to be, but the way his eyes looked at me earlier seemed to shock me back to everything I needed to get away from.

“Yeah, Sam, I’m sure.” Taking the phone from my ear, I pressed the  _ end _ button and took a deep breath before looking up into the woods, overgrown with ferns but starting to get into the fall spirit as the leaves that had turned colors started to drop around me. “I am so totally sure.”

It didn’t take me long to get lost, it also didn’t take me very long to figure out that I had made a colossal mistake… again! These woods were not like the ones behind the bar, there wasn’t any clearing, there wasn’t going to be any Crowley, or appearances by some studly angel, but they were going to start to get very, very dark soon and I was lost in them. LOST!

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and leaned back against a tree. For a few moment, I just needed silence. The quiet of the woods, the way the creatures around me chirp as the crickets and the frogs began to sing their nightly song, that was what I needed to clear my head, but my hand was set against my pocket, waiting for the vibration of the phone. 

How long was I out here for?

It was shortly after I stopped, mere minutes after I closed my eyes that I heard the sound of boots hitting the stale leaves that coated the ground, stopping right in front of me. I smiled, everything in me was pulled to the familiar presence that stood before me and I took a deep breath.

“Took you long enough, how did you…” but when I opened my eyes, the smile instantly faded as ruby red lips and dark hair filled my vision, her blue eyes were bright with anger and she reached out, grabbing me by the back of the head, fisting a handful of hair between her fingers. “Son of a bitch! I thought I was done with you!”

“Oh, you still have a lot to remember, Alison.” She grinned, like those were the only words she knew, the only way she knew how to taunt me, and suddenly her other hand was on my cheek, her thumb pressed under my jaw, holding me there.  “Here, let me show you.”

“No tongue this time,” I tired to laugh, because if I didn’t laugh, I was going to go insane. 

She stared into my eyes, didn’t squeeze my throat, didn’t attack my heart with her claws, nope, this time she just stared, but that was when the blinding light hit just above my eye, sending my optic nerves into spasms, and giving me the mother of all migraines, but as soon as it came on, I was standing in my parent’s driveway, looking at my own fourteen-year-old self reflected in the window of the classic red ragtop that sat in our driveway.

_ “What the hell?” I whispered, suddenly caught up in a memory I didn’t understand.  _

_ “Alison!” My dad’s voice boomed as he came out of the house, wiping his hand with an old red rag. He looked up at me, and for a moment, he didn’t look as distant as I remembered. He was always just that side of holding me away that I had always thought it was something I did, but right now he was smiling at me. “Oh, good you found it.” _

_ Looking down at the wrench in my hand, I felt the weight of it in real time. “Yeah, um, it was buried in the bottom of the toolbox.” _

_ He held out a hand, to which I set the tool down before he went back to the engine of the ragtop. Why couldn’t I remember the name of it? I could never remember the name of it but I knew we had it for a long time.  Taking a deep breath, I looked around. Summers in Vermont were always wonky, either hot or cold days, but today was kind of an in between, until I heard that sound. _

_ My eyes turned down the driveway, where our front yard turned into a dirt road from the main street and I watched it pull off the asphalt and turn to follow the road up. A beautiful 67’ Impala was making its way up to our driveway and I stood in awe as it turned in. I remember that sound, I remember the look of it, and a deep, throaty voice came back to me. _

“I told you to take care of her, not douche her up.”  _ He said and my heart started to race. He didn’t say it to me, but I remember him saying it, but while expecting a man my Dad’s age to step out of the car when it finally came to a halt, one with bright green eyes and dark, dirty-blonde hair, I was surprised to see it was someone else. _

_ “Ali, go inside.” My father’s stern voice suddenly was in my ear, but I don’t think I really listened because while the man, a tall man with dark hair, peppered with grays started to approach my father, his deep brown eyes showing me the world of hurt he had been through, I just stood there staring, until my eyes focused on the boy in the front seat. “Alison!” _

_ “Ali?” the new man spoke as he closed the distance between his car and my father, which means he was closer to me. I glanced at him, but went back to the boy who was now leaning out the window of the car, his eyes locked on mine.  _

_ “You’re not supposed to be here, John!” My father snapped, which caught my attention and I stepped back. Yep, I was going inside now, but I did so slowly because my sight was back on the boy, the one with the bright green eyes, that was until the window behind him rolled down enough that I could see his younger brother, whose face was full of wonder as he looked around. “Ali!” _

_ I watched the boy in the front mouth my name as I finally turned and walked up to the porch door but I couldn’t get past the sight of the two of them gawking at me, the boy or his father, but my curiosity landed on the new arrival in the backseat, who was smiling at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Green-eyes, his brother, turned and mumbled something which made the younger one’s smile fade and he tucked himself back in, rolling up the window. The front seat passenger was now back to glaring at me _

_ Where do I know you from? I whispered to myself and I did something completely unlike me at the time, I raised my hand and I gave him a little wave. I watched the half-cocked smile of a kid who thought he could get everything raise his hand in a timid way and give me a two-fingered wave, but he wouldn’t let my eyes go, not until his mouth moved. _

“ _ Dean,” was all those lips said without a sound and I let the smile cross my face as he pointed at me and winked as that mouth formed, “Ali?” kind of questioningly. I nodded, and his thumb pointed to the back of the car, one again the silent conversation continued. “Sam” _

_ I nodded but caught the sounds of my father and “John” arguing low, but the tone was violent. My dad was refusing something, adamantly and finally, John cleared his throat, his gaze set on me before he nodded, giving in to whatever thing was going on between him and Dad and aggressively turned to head back to the car, but he stopped, noticing that Dean was staring at me before he spun and caught my eye, brows furrowing as he pointed at the young man to get back in the car, not that he ever left it, before sliding in the driver’s seat.  _

_ Dean’s eyes were on me as the car back out, his smile turned to a frown and those fingers came up again, but my dad was looking and I didn’t wave, I just let the smile fall from my face as I locked onto the boy’s stare for as long as I could, until the car faded from sight and the sound of her engine disappeared into the memories. _

I felt my body shaking, the way that the cold and wet forest floor lay hard under me, the night had taken a turn and I was wracked with violent shivers but that didn’t stop my mind from fading back into another memory, another time in my childhood that I didn’t remember.

_ “We’re going to get in trouble and I’m not taking the blame this time.” I growled as I found myself walking behind someone my own height, her brown hair falling in layers, swished in front of me. _

_ “Listen, Squirt, just do what I say and our Grams will never be the wiser,” she spoke up and turned around to look at me. She was older than I was, but I knew the feeling of her being so close. Age didn’t matter when we were together, because we were definitely like sisters. “Come on, Ali, you’re fifteen, take a deep breath and just go with it.” _

_ “Screw you!” I snapped and watched her blue eyes smile as she pinched my cheek. “Don’t do that Danni, Christ, you’re like an old lady sometimes.” _

_ “Okay, Porter, what crawled up your ass this time?” She was honestly concerned but I said nothing, tucked my hands in my jeans and looked out at the stars as we finally made it to our destination. _

_ In Gram’s back field, there were more than a half-dozen old cars, most that had small trees growing out of them but our favorite was the old brown LTD that sat there, still mostly intact, right down to the interior, like Mother Nature was scared to touch her.  _

_ Taking a deep breath, the two of us climbed onto the trunk, Danni found her way to the cool glass and rested against it, crossing her arms and ankles as she looked up at the stars. I glanced up as well, noticing how the light of the town never hit this one spot and the sky was clear as a bell. After a moment of silence, I moved, sitting back so that I could rest my head on her shoulder as we both fell into a comfortable silence. _

_ “Your dad on your case again?” She questioned. _

_ “When is he not, I swear as soon as I turned fourteen I was instantly a disappointment.” I sighed and shook my head, “problem is, I’m still having memory issues.” _

_ “It’s the damn meds they keep making you take,” she answered and I shook my head. “You stopped taking them?” _

_ “Yeah, but they don’t know know.” I shrugged and adjusted my head, sitting up more as I brought one of my legs down to rest my foot on the bumper. “They make me groggy and forgetful, I think it’s some of the side effects still.” _

_ “Okay, so why is he being an ass now?” _

_ “Don’t know,” I whispered softly, “don’t care. He’s gone most weeks, only home on the weekend, guess it’s better that way right? I mean most of the time he just comes home to bring me down here.” _

_ “I’m surprised at that, since Dad’s gone and your Gram and him are constantly arguing.”  _

_ “It’s a way for them to get rid of me for a few days,” I continued to look up, mapping out the stars. “You know, someday I will find out everything I need to know, like why the lapse in time, the memories, the bite.” _

_ “Still on that vampire kick?” Danni sat up and looked at me, her arms wrapping around the one knee she had pulled up. “You know that’s why they medicate you right? Because you keep going on with that. If you just dropped it, they wouldn’t bother you so much.” _

_ “So forget it even happened?” I turned to face her and watched her nod. _

_ “Yeah, pretty much.” _

_ “Pretend the rest of it doesn’t happen too?” I whispered. _

_ “That too, because Ali, you know  _ I see dead people _ isn’t exactly the best way to start off a conversation.”  _

_ She had a point, a really good point.  I took a breath, pondered for a moment and then looked up at the stars and nodded. _

_ “Good,” she answered me, “and be careful with the medication, the come down from them could kick your ass.” _

_ “Yeah, I know.” I whispered, my thoughts traveling back to a boy who wrapped a towel around me, told me his dad was a superhero and took off before I caught sight of that black dog with the bright red eyes that was ducking back into the tall grass beside the river. “I know.” _

“Ali?” His voice shook me, bringing the fact that my entire body was shaking back to the foreground and I groaned at the numbness in my fingers. I fought with my eyes to open, but they fought back twice as hard to stay closed, even with the strange feeling of being lifted jarred every bone in my body. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Sam?” I said softly, but it sounded like it came out nothing more than a moan as he laughed. 

“Yeah, it’s me, sweetheart,” he stated almost as if he were dreading it, like I was hoping for someone else, when in all reality, I don’t think I expected anyone.

“Mm, love you,” I swear I spoke and he laughed.

“I love you too, Angel,” he replied and those arms that held me pulled me in tighter as we moved flawlessly through the forest. It was just as we passed into the light of the streetlamp that I could even really move. I brought my hand to my eyes, shielding them and I sighed as I glanced up at Sam’s face. He looked down at me as he stopped, eyes full of worry and he kissed me softly before moving towards the four that stood around the Impala. The only thing he called out was: “Blankets, Dean!”

The car was running, the blanket from the green cooler was at least warm as Dean wrapped it around me the best he could in Sam’s unmoving arms before the younger one tucked the two of us behind the dash, letting the vents blow the hot air on me.

Taking my hand from under the blanket, Dean wrapped his fingers around my wrist and held my limp arm up, pressing my chilled fingers against the blowing heat. I groaned at it, knowing the pain that I was going to be in once the digits thawed out.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Dean snapped and I felt Sam take a deep breath, like he was holding down the reply he wanted to give his brother. “I told you to text or call when you turned around.”

“She did, Dean,” Sam answered and the kneading thumb of the older brother against the palm of my hand stopped.

“What?” he questioned. “Wait, you knew she was alone, that she was walking  _ alone _ ?” 

“She called and said she was headed back, not that she was venturing into the woods.”

“And you didn’t think to tell the rest of us?”

“S’nough!” I snapped, still unable to get my lips to do what the hell I wanted them too, “M’fine!”

“You are so far from fine, Ali!” Dean growled, “I’m pretty sure you skipped fine and headed straight to completely screwed up, it’s freezing out here!”

“Dean,” Sam sighed.

“No! Sam!” he snapped, “what the hell, man?”

“Warm,” I groaned, “just want to get warm” 

I heard Dean take a breath, stowing the argument with his brother as his hand came up to touch my forehead, brushing back the hair. I flinched, thinking that it might still hurt but the warmth of his palm felt too good to deny, and I could feel all of Sam’s body heat radiating through me without pain so I curled up more against the moose of a man even as I leaned into his touch.

“Okay, Kid, we’ll get you back to the motel and you can shower.” He stated softly before tucking my arm back under the blanket and letting me go. I felt the heat of the older Winchester move away but Sam’s hand just came up and pulled me closer. It was then that I realized, I hadn’t opened my eyes since earlier, and I really didn’t want to. The driver’s side door opened, I felt the weight shift the car and before I knew it, the engine was fired up and we were moving. “Sam, we really need to talk.”

“Haven’t you guys talked enough?” I mumbled, growing aggravated. “You’re never going to be alright if I’m around, so just try to work together.”

“Hey!” Dean huffed, his fingers running down the length of my hair, “none of that! Sam and I, we’ll figure it out, we always do.”

“I’m so tired of being the reason the two of you fight,” I grumbled, not sure anything I was saying was coherent.

“We both love you, Al, that’s the reason we fight, because we both want what’s best for you, and Danni, and sometimes we don’t agree on it.” Sam added.

“Like all the time,” I gruffed and felt the silent laugh flow through Sam’s body.

“Why don’t you just shut your cakehole and get some rest,” Dean teased, and I gave the best nod I could, letting my hearing stretch past the sound of the engine, the blowing of the heater to the noise of the Mustang that rumbled down the road behind us. “Jesus, Danni is going to give me a heart attack if she keeps tailing me any closer.”

“She’s just worried, Dean.” Sam defended.

“I know,” he said softly, “I know.”

~~~~~

The bathtub was warm, the water wasn’t too hot, and  _ finally _ the pins and needles were starting to leave me alone, but I could hear Dean and Danni bantering back and forth outside the door, and my quiet was broken as Sam finally snuck in, closing the door behind him as he peeked out, shutting the door softly.

He sat down on the toilet seat and looked me over as I lay in the water, my eyes only opened a slight bit to see what he was doing before the smile crossed my face. With a sigh, he slid down to sit next to me on the floor, reaching into the water to trace fingers across my stomach as he leaned his head on his arm.

“What were you doing?” he asked softly.

“Taking a walk, clearing my head.” I shrugged.

“What did she show you this time?” He whispered, and that opened my eyes all the way, my blue one connecting with the ever changing colors of his.  “Dean said you had a memory in the room earlier and when I found you, you were saying something about me and Dean, so…” he sighed, “what did she show you?”

“The fact that we all met when we were younger.” I replied and watched as he closed his eyes, like he had known something like that would happen. “Sam, you and I, we’ve met before.”

“When? Where and how come I can't remember?” He sighed. “I’m sorry, are you okay? I mean, most of the time when she hits you, you go down pretty hard.”

“Besides the dumb luck of passing out in the forest, I’m good.” I moved so that I was leaning up against the tub. His hand, the one that had been caressing my stomach was now running up and down my spine. “Your dad came to my house in Vermont, you and Dean were in the car, in Baby and my dad and I were working on the ragtop. They fought, our fathers, words not fists but you saw me, so did Dean, until your dad drove away.”

“Ragtop?” Sam whispered, “not an old red and white one, was it?”

“Actually, yeah.” I sat back a little to catch his gaze.

“I remember that I kept asking what it was but Dad was too busy scolding Dean for something,” Sam smiled. “He kept asking who you were. I mean for weeks, and then he just stopped and when I asked about the car, asked Dean I mean, he told me he had no idea what I was talking about.”

I knew it. Son of a bitch, I knew it!

I put my hand on his cheek and looked him straight in the eyes. “They drugged us, with a spell, our fathers drugged us so that we didn't remember, so this wouldn't happen. So that none of us could be together. None of us.”

Realization came to his eyes and at first he was confused, but then it faded and Sam Winchester, who tried his best to stay as calm as he could, well, Sam got pissed.


	35. DH Remembrance - 35

**Chapter 35**

I Remember You

 

Sam didn’t leave me in the bath, in fact he rarely left my side for the rest of the night. It would have been a little funny if he had insisted that he carry me to the bed, but that didn’t happen. Thank God, because that’s not weird at all. I moved slowly, my muscles still tense from the weather and the warped sense of  _ hey, you really need to remember _ , but I knew one thing, especially as I curled up under the blankets, Sam wrapped around me from behind, I wasn’t going anywhere fast.

 

Danni had decided to stay the night, and while she was at the table tapping away at the computer, Dean sat on the bed next to us, his legs out straight, as he worked on whatever it was that had been discussed during our little “talk” time, not that I remembered anything, but apparently there was something really big going on.

I watched his eyes as mine threatened to close, the way his looked up from the screen and then at me for just a second before going back to what he was doing. His lips parted, he took a shaky breath in, like he wanted to say something but then they clamped down once more, his jaw clenching as he glanced just beyond me at his brother. Their stares lingered before Dean licked his lips and went back to what he was doing. 

Yeah, this was a dance that seemed to go on forever, at least until Danni climbed into bed with him, laid her head against his shoulder and Dean closed the laptop. He reached over, glanced at the two of us one more time and flipped off the light, with no words exchanged. I took a deep breath, felt Sam’s arm wrap just a little tighter and his lips caressed the back of my bare neck. The short hair was good for something but the goose bumps that rose from his touch made it awful warm in the room and despite wanting him to bring me up another notch, I found that his touch was soothing me into a light sleep, one that I very much needed.

It was later on, sometime in the night, when the room was still too dark to make out the figures that should have been trapped in the blankets, that I heard the light whispers outside what I assumed was the door. I could smell the light scent of Dean’s cigarettes, hear the sounds of the two male voices that chattered back and forth and rolled over to stare at the empty bed beside me. The brothers were having a late-night pow-wow. Perfect.

On stealthy bare feet, I slipped from the bed and made my way towards the door, staying just on the darker side of the shadows, and the windows, knowing that if it opened at any point, I had a beeline for the bathroom or the bed, my choice. But as I looked out between the curtains, I could see Dean standing at the edge of the car, just by the front end of baby, his hip leaning against her as he took a drag, lighting up the end of the stick. Sam paced, dressed in jeans, an open flannel and his light canvas jacket, which made no sense to me on why the boy was bare-chested if he was going to wear layers, but I could see that Dean was only in a tee-shirt and jeans, so for September, and for these two hotheads at least, it wasn’t very cold outside.

“You’re out of your mind if you think this is even close to a good idea, Sam,” Dean’s rough voice, still full of sleep, as if he had been shaken violent from it, filled my ears.

“I know what you think, Dean, but you gotta let me take point on this if there is even a remote chance of it working,” Sam snapped, still pacing, but when Dean turned suddenly, his movement ceased. 

“Take point? Sam, this is not a game! This is our freaking lives here, this could be a hell of a lot more dangerous than we realize, I mean, come on, we  _ willed _ it to life!” Dean’s growl became deeper.

Willed what to life? I wondered, but then again, it was the middle of the night and nothing was sticking.

“You don’t know that, you don’t… and if it saves them, what does it matter?” Sam’s argument was less than stellar and I was leaning towards Dean at that moment, and I still had no idea what was going on.

“It’s our lives too, Sam, you don’t seem to get that either. Look at what we just had to go through because Ali took crap into her own hands, and Crowley? Are you serious?” The cigarette was snuffed and tossed before Dean stepped towards his brother. “Angels! Demons! It doesn’t matter who gets involved, Sam, this will all go to hell, and you know it. Why? Because it always does.”

“They drugged us, Dean!” Sam snapped. “To keep her away from you, them away from us, Dad and her grandmother poured some sick concoction down our throats in order to keep us apart. What the hell do we do with that? Are we not supposed to be together?”

“What?” Dean shook his head. “Of course we’re supposed to be together! You know that, you can feel it, and what Dad did, yeah, it sucked because that kept them from us for years, more years that I even want to think about, but going full-barrel into something with Crowley to stop something we more than likely created… Sammy, you know better than anyone that it can’t end well, not with him involved.”

“It’s our only way, Dean, the only way that I can come up with that might  _ change _ something, get us off this path, so that there isn’t anymore spell involved.” 

Dean put his hands on his hips and lowered his head. I knew what was coming and Sam should have too, it was the posture Dean always took before really letting it out, before his MEGA speech, but Sam stood there, like he was ready to take on anything that his older brother threw at him. Arms relaxed, dancing on his feet, back and forth shifting his weight and it occurred to me that I had never really seen Sam sit still unless he was actually sitting, even then he was shifting.

“In our long, long history of hunting and I’m talking from the moment Dad put you in my arms and I hauled ass out of that house, how many times do you think we have been under a spell? Or had a demon on our ass? There will always be another one, another witch, another demon, hell vampires, werewolves, freaking ghosts, Sam, there will always be  _ another _ monster. Why? Because it’s our job, it’s our life. We’re hunters, it’s in our blood and that’s what we find, we go out and we kill the sons a bitches before they can hurt other people. And yeah, it's pretty screwed up when they come into our lives and we have to deal with this kind of aftermath but right now, I wouldn’t trade it in,” Dean whispered. “I have you, Sammy, I have you right now, Cas and Ali and Danni, hell the fact that I have Jo and Christian back in my life, well, I’ll take that as a win any day no matter the reasons for it. So yeah, there might have been a spell that made us forget when we were kids, some sort of hoodoo tying Ali and I together now but you know what, I’ll take that too, because anything is better than not having the two of them here with us. Anything, except working with that douchebag.”

Sam clenched his jaw, his lips growing tight as he looked up at the stars, which were fading as the sun threatened to peak, but it was still a ways off and slowly his eyes came back down on Dean.

“Fine,” he said softly, “I’ll find another way, something without Crowley or Cas, because this thing isn’t going to stop gunning for her until we get back to Virginia and destroy it.”

“And I’ll be right beside you when we do, but you gotta know how bad it can get when you go that route.”

“I get it, I do,” Sam stated, harshly, he looked as if he were going to go on but I watched his hands tighten into fists and I closed my eyes. Yeah, he got it, but the anger got him. “Go back to bed, Dean, catch a few, keep the girls safe, I need to take a walk.”

“Yeah,” Dean’s reply was one of frustration and I shook my head. 

Both Winchesters were stubborn fools and there was no way that Sam was giving up his fight, not to save family, it was the unhealthy codependency we all loved to watch on the show, but seeing it in real life, watching the pain they put each other through to keep the “family” together, was heart wrenching. As Sam walked down to the end of the car, disappearing from my view at my secret spot, I watched Dean turn and stomp his way to the door. Screw it, I wasn’t moving.  He turned the knob, stepped in and took a breath as he turned to look at me, as if knowing I had been there the whole time. 

“Dean?” I wanted to reach out to him, to wrap my arms around him but he took a breath, shook his head as he raised his hand and didn’t say a word, just walked by into the bathroom where he closed the door lightly behind him, mindful of the woman on the bed who was probably wide awake and had heard the entire thing.

I slipped on my sneakers, grabbed my jacket and scooted out the door, closing it behind me. I needed to find Sam, needed to make sure he was alright, and then I needed that damn book back.

I followed the fact that he had rounded the end of the car, picked a direction and hoped it was the way he went, which was towards the other end of the rooms. Slowly, I paced my steps, making the least amount of noise as possible before I stopped just before stepping off into the grass and looked to my right. The light from the bathroom was on in an empty room, and the door slightly ajar, which had me licking my lips. 

Sam was in there, I could feel it.

With a deep breath, I moved, pressing my palm against it, hoping not to get shot as I pushed it open and looked inside. It was set up almost like the one we were in for the night but I could see the shoulders of the man through the partially closed bathroom door. Yep, I was in the right spot. I left the door just slightly open so that the click of the lock wouldn’t surprise him, then again, sneaking up on a Winchester in one of these moods might get my neck snapped too, but as I stepped just past the corner of the bed, I watched as he pulled back and punched the mirror full force. 

The sound of breaking glass echoed in my ear and my memories flashed back to that sound, and that night, the one when he came crashing through my window and the fight that ensued shortly after. My heart raced as I saw him start to trash the room, with me far enough away that I wouldn’t be touched by anything, not the lamp that hit the ugly framed picture, not the television that came crashing down, not even the magazines that lined the dresser, okay, used to line the dresser, came anywhere close to me as he flung it. 

In my mind though, I could see the vampire raise up, the teeth spring out, the way the blood dripped from them and his hand, his hand on my shirt ripping me down onto the floor against him as he swing with what strength he had. In reality, I stepped between him and the dresser drawers he was gunning for next. 

He stood, fist clenched, hair down in his face, breathing so heavy it moved his impressive chest, hell it seemed to move his body with every deep breath, and I stared into those blue-green eyes. Not hazel, no, there wasn’t a speck of brown in them at the moment, just the ever changing sea of storms. He didn’t move as I reached up, cupped his cheeks with my hands, what little they covered, and brought him down… would that be accurate because the boy had probably eighty pounds over me there was no way I was bringing him anywhere, but his lips crashed against mine all the same.

I stepped forward, as he stepped back, and slowly as the kiss continued, as his hands reached forward and unclenched before grasping my waist, I breathed in his scent. Sleep, and woods, the air of a hot summer day, it all clung to him and made him who he was. I teased his mouth with a slide of my tongue, getting a gentle moan as a response and knew that he was trying hard, pulling on that feeling of our lips touching, not rough and demanding like we found ourselves during needy times, but soft as they came together like a puzzle and I pulled away, my forehead, cheek, nose, any part of me that could stay connected did but my lips parted.

“You done?” I whispered, not laughing because it wasn’t a playful moment, it was a need to know he was alright.

“Yeah,” he whispered, his legs hitting the bed and I felt the warmth of his breath, the one last heave of his chest taking in a deep breath as he slowly lowered himself, not letting me go, “yeah, I’m done.”

When Sam was seated at the edge of the bed, now just an inch or two shorter than me, I was able to tilt his head up, not taking my hands from him and pulled him back into that kiss, brushing along his mouth a few more times as the way his body shook seemed to ease and that was when the door banged open.

I moved my hands, sliding them back to tangle in his hair as he put his forehead against me, just below my chest and his hands moved from gripping my hips to nearly tearing through my shirt as his fingers curled around the fabric. I didn’t step away, I wasn’t going to let him move but I looked up at a shocked Dean and Danni who stood in the doorway, staring at the destruction.

“Christ, Sam!” Dean spoke up, but his voice wasn’t harsh, it wasn’t angry either. The older brother raised his hands to his hair, gripping it just a little as he looked over everything and then at me standing in front of his brother. “What the hell happened?”

I shook my head, that was all I needed to do, because Dean’s eyes fell on mine and his hands came down. Sam gripped harder, like he wanted to let go and fight, physically fight his brother, but I wove my fingers tighter, pressed his head down against me and let that connection stick as he blew out a breath, not saying a word.

“Alright,” the older Winchester sighed, and he placed a hand on Danni’s shoulder. “We’ll come back in the morning and help you clean up.” I watched as he raised a brow at me, asking me with just those green eyes if I would be okay, I only nodded and looked down at the back of the brown head of hair in my hands. “Get some sleep.”

Again the only response was a nod but I heard the door close without looking up again.

~~~~~

I just stood there for a long while, letting him breath, to find his center because he never bothered to move, which was fine with me, but his hands relaxed, they released my shirt and his long arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer, holding on for what seemed like his life depended on it. I’m sure the safety of the room sure did.

When he finally did move, it was to bring his hand down, tracing it over my hip, over my backside and down my thigh until he could grasp it around my knee and pull me towards him and I found myself straddling his lap. His head came away from me, but he didn’t meet my gaze, instead his lips moved over my exposed skin, where the loose V of my shirt dipped low. By the time he got to the curve of my neck, where he drank in my scent, pulling in a deep breath, I was quietly moaning, eyes closed tight because that was what he did to me.

We had explained and apologized, pleaded and cried in the bathroom over stuff that had gone on in Virginia, we had buried the past under a fleeting cover of acceptance that this was just what we did for each other. It was a poor excuse to get by, but it worked, it put us back where we wanted to be, safe in each other’s arms. And when his kiss rose to meet mine, when his hand grasped at the hair at the back of my head, holding me to his demanding lips, all seemed to be forgotten because if there was anything we were good at, this was it.

Stripped bare and willing, my fingers roamed the warmth of his skin as his hips rolled up, his length gliding into the heat deep inside me, and I rested my hand against his stubbled cheek once again, lips parted, breathing in the air that passed between us as I pressed down on him, hearing the low moan that escaped him only made me want to go fast, take more, but this was his pace, his need and anyway he needed it, that was what I was going with.

Sam set a torturously slow rhythm, trying to draw out everything, including the monster inside me that needed it rough and hard, but I found that I liked the torture just as much, the edge that it kept me on, especially when he turned me over gently, and lay me down on the bed as he towered above me. Smiling up, I gripped his hair, his lips were too far away and if he was going to get that close with his body, the way he brought my hips up and encouraged me to lock my legs around his waist, than that freaking mouth was going to be on mine.

He didn’t need an invitation to delve in with his tongue, I was open and willing as he thrust forward, moving deep as he swirled around mine. Yep, I think I loved Sam’s torture better, as his tongue began to mimic what his hips did and oh, it was heaven. Slow and steady, except when I felt him thicken.

“Sam,” was all I could whisper as my body started to shake. It wasn’t the way he growled in my ear, or the feel of his teeth against my neck that pushed me over, but the soft sway of his hips, the feeling of him inside, the gentle way that the back of his fingers traced over every exposed inch of skin they could find and I push my head back, let my eyes open wide, even as the vibration ripped through me and my toes curled, heels dug in deeper, surging him forward.

Sam stilled for just a second as I heard him gasp, then move in short even thrusts, his breath coming just as quickly as the warmth that spread through me and I watched his jaw clench before his lips parted and he tried hard to breath through the feeling that was taking over his body.

When he finally started breathing again, I couldn’t help but smile as I pushed back the sweat-soaked hair that stuck to his face. He gently reached back and unhooked my legs, before sliding his arms under me, essentially scooting me up to put my head back on the pillow. He growled, actually growled as he slipped out, but strangely enough when he was settled, he reached down and gently pushed back in, needing that connection, and I was good with that.

“I just wanna stay this way for the rest of the night,” he admitted, grabbing the pillow so that his head was off to the side of me, his body molded to mine from the hips down, but he was just off my chest enough so that I could breath. I turned my head to catch the attention of his lips again.

"I can agree to that,” I smiled, feeling the wet warmth of his kiss, and slowly, his lips went slack, letting me know that he had finally falling into some sort of light sleep. 

For me, the usual happened, post orgasm and I’m wide freaking awake, but I didn’t want to leave the feeling of his body, the weight that it gave me, holding me down as my thoughts jumped skyward. I took a deep breath, hoping it would settle me, but it only reminded me of the conversation Sam had with Crowley, and it ripped me back to a time in my life when I had ventured away from New England, just outside of a rest stop in Delaware.

I was on my own, ratty old pick-up truck and the road. I had enough at home, I needed to get away and while I usually went north to road trip, something this time had pulled me south, something I didn’t understand and didn’t care too. I wasn’t headed for any particular destination, in fact, I wasn’t even sure how far south I was going, but New Orleans seemed like a good go-to, I mean at the time, now I just knew too much to feel comfortable without my gun.

So that rest stop, the old beat up truck, a 79’ Ford F150, rigged with electric windows, because I could and a hole in the passenger side floor, that beast was my baby, even with her many, many problems, like the carburetor issue, which is what I was having right now.

_ I stood on the bumper of the truck, thank God I was light enough, or that it was just made sturdy enough to hold me, and leaned over to spray the Carb starter into the damn piece of machinery. Hopping down, I moved to the open door and slid onto the bench seat to crank the engine over. NOTHING! Nothing but pouring gas into a spot where it didn’t need to go. _

_ I let my head fall back against the vinyl backrest, looking up at the mirror as I listened to the sound of the car approach the pumps. Turning to look out the back window, I saw the most beautiful car pull up, a 67ish Chevy and smiled. Damn, what I wouldn’t give for that car, but my smile faded as I watched an older man get out from behind the wheel. A young man with bright green eyes meet mine as he slipped from the passenger side and made his way by, headed towards the small convenience store but it was the next one that got out that got me curious. He was tall, just as tall as the one who had already walked by, and he glanced up at me as the older one yelled at him not to wander far, which only got a smile from the car’s third occupant. _

_ I knew what was going to happen, especially when he looked up and saw the hood open. Stealing my gaze away, I reached for the key and cranked it over once more. NOPE! NADA! I love this truck but right now, I hated it. _

_ With a growl, I hopped out again, did I mention it was like an eight-inch drop for me to hit the concrete, hey I’m short but this truck to me was the best thing ever. Placing the can along the inside of the firewall, I bit my lip as I grasped the metal once again and jumped up onto the tire this time, knowing it could take my weight and I leaned over trying to get a better angle on the carburetor.  _

_ A shadow loomed over the engine across from me and I looked up to meet bright bluish-green eyes, ones that sparkled as the shy smile he gave me reached them and I couldn’t help but smile back. _

_ “Hi,” he said softly, like he was questioning what the hell he was doing standing there. I glanced up again, raised a brow and continued to tug on the piece in my hand. _

_ “Hi yourself,” I grinned back and stood up straight, sneaking a peek at the car still at the pump, the man I only assumed to be his father was bent low filling the tank. I gave him a wink of approval as I turned my attention back to him. “Nice car.” _

_ “It’s my dad’s,” he shrugged. _

_ “Take the complement, hot stuff.” I laughed, God when was I ever this flirty? I don’t remember being this open with anyone, but this kid, there was something about him. _

_ “Are you okay? I mean do you need help with something?” He asked as I leaned over the engine again. _

_ “Nah, she does this all the time.” I shrugged, “should have probably replaced it before I left, but when you got a mechanic for a dad, well, nothing really gets done on your own cars.” _

_ “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he laughed, leaning his arm on the truck. “My dad is a great mechanic, I’m sure he would help if you needed it.” _

_ I stood straight again, watched as the man at the back end of the Chevy stood and glanced over at me. I watched his face pale, the way he looked over me, the truck and the plate, before he swallowed hard and all expression fell from his eyes. He replaced the cap, closed up the license plate and grabbed his wallet, headed past us to pay. That was when the other man walked by, whistling as he bumped the one that was occupying my vision now, and we both turned to see him grin back, winking at me. _

_ “What a jerk!” I growled, defending the new “friend” I had made, but the kid only laughed. _

_ “That’s my older brother, Dean, he didn’t mean anything by it,” he looked at the older one like he worshipped the ground he walked on and I shook my head. “What?” _

_ “Wish I could look at my siblings that way, mostly, I just look away.” I replied and shrugged. “Middle kid,” I explained looking up, “kind of the black sheep.” _

_ “Is that why you’re on the road alone, all the way from Mass?” He questioned and this got me to look up at him, snapping my eyes to the wrench beside me. He raised his hands. “Relax, it was just an observation.” _

_ “So you’re that kind of guy, see everything and store it away?” I did relax, which was unusual for me. He just nodded. “Oh good, well, Mr. Observant, my name is Ali.” _

_ “Sam,” he offered and reached out a hand, one that I took in my grease-covered one and shook softly.  _

_ “Sam,” I repeated and suddenly was flashed back to a time when a car just like that one was sitting in my driveway,and I couldn’t ignore the feeling of some sort of electric shock when he touched me . “Huh, nice name.” _

_ “Thanks, I like it.” He said smoothly but it was when his father walked by grumbling that it was “time to leave, Sam” that the young man before me tapped on the red paint of the truck and took a deep breath.  “So, be safe, Ali.” _

_ “Yeah, you too, Sam.” I grinned back and watched as he walked away.   _

_ Hopping down from the tire, I slipped in and turned the key, the truck turned over and rumbled to life about the same time as the Chevy, and I stood on the rocker panel as I watched the car pull away, Sam leaned out the window, smiling as he heard the truck start up, and gave me a wave, but I saw his brother glance back as well and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew them from somewhere. _

I breathed him in as the memory seemed to fade. Sam, a young Sam, had been so close, and I had touched him. I remember the feel of his hands against mine and I sighed. I wish I had known that before I put that blade to John’s chest so that I could have punched him, one last haul off and deck before the end.

Sam had moved somewhere in the night, moving all of him but his legs off to the side of me and I turned to look at his peaceful face. Turning, I rested on my side, my hands tucked under my pillow as I stared for a moment before reaching out to brush the unruly locks from his face and he sighed. I smiled, couldn’t help myself, but it was the rush of warmth against my bare back that had that smile fading, and I went still as the sensation of fingers ghosted along the tattoo at the back of my neck.

“I swear on everything that you call Holy, Castiel, that better be you!” I managed to whisper low enough to still be a threat but not wake Sam at all.  That was when I heard the low chuckle in my ear and let out a breath. Turning my head, just my head before I gathered the sheets up, I found myself staring into the eyes of an angel. Wanting to take that head of black hair and bounce it off a wall, I clenched my teeth and turned over as Cas sat back. “You’re an asshole!”

His eyes narrowed, “I’m positive we established that in our relationship a while ago, Ali, revelations in the middle of the night aren’t much of a surprise if you already know them.”’

“Blow me, Cas!” I snarked and pointed at the shirt on the ground. “Hand me that so I can at least be somewhat descent while I sock you in the jaw.”

“If you truly wanted your shirt, threats like that are not the way to go.” He admitted, raising an eyebrow but he handed me the tee-shirt anyway. Giving me an ounce of privacy, he turned and made his way over to the table as I slipped the shirt on and quickly found my jeans, which I managed to slide into before he turned and sat down, his eyes resting on mine once again. I rolled my head back, really needing some uninterrupted sleep before I sat down across from him on the chair. “Ali…”

“If you say we need to talk, I’m going to hit you… hard!” I snapped and watched him smile. “Fine, but do it with your mind.”

“Do it with my mind,” he grinned.

“Jesus, Cas, pervert much!” I couldn’t help but smile this time because he was in rare form. “I don’t want to wake up Sam, so just, you know… mind-meld me.”

“If you wish,” he snickered and reached out, touching my cheek as I closed my eyes. I found myself sitting on the park bench, in a wide open field filled with trees and green grass. ”Do you remember this place?”

“Yeah, you took me here a couple times in April, it’s like a haven, right?” I looked up as he sat down beside me. 

“Yes, very much,” he smiled, “everyone imagines someplace safe in their head when things go awry, for you, this is your sanctuary.”

“So, what is it that’s going to go awry now?” I laughed and felt his fingers slip around mine.

“I know what and who is needed to break the spell.” He sighed.

“The one between me and Dean?” I had hoped but he sat back a little uneasily.

“I’m afraid that one is permanent.” and I felt the wind rush out of me. Great, so Dean and I were stuck with this forever.  “The spell isn’t just words, Ali, it becomes ingrained in you after so long and you and Dean sealed it when your first met.”

“At the river?” I watched as his eyes flickered before he shook his head. “Wait, Dean and I met before the river? Before John pulled me out?”

“Yes, when you were just a little younger.” Cas looked at me confused. “That memory hasn’t come back to you yet, has it?”

I shook my head and sighed.  “You’re telling me that Dean and I… we’ll always be bonded like this, no matter whether I break the tether or not, right?” Cas only gave me a nod as his eyes narrowed. “What about the blades? What about the magic from them?”

“That power has always been with you, Ali, it was just dormant. The blades only activated it, it didn’t create it.” I rolled my eyes, could this night get any worse. I felt him rub the ball right under my thumb and quickly I looked over at him. “To get rid of the tulpa, first you need to get rid of this, the one thing that keeps the powers from coming out is the lock you put on it when you listened to Asmodeus in the first place. What runs through you isn’t meant to stay hidden, which is what this little thing does.” I took a breath as he leaned down and kissed the spot where I had pressed the crossroad’s pebble deep before he met my eyes again, “the next thing you need to know is that there are only two of you that need to be there to undo the spell, the two of you that created it.”

“Oh, God, if you even say his name, I’m going to scream!” I griped but Cas only smiled. “Christ, is there anything that I can do without Dean Winchester riding my ass?”

“I didn’t realize…” he paused and watched as I turned red. “I’m sorry, you leave yourself wide open for comments when you say stuff like that.” But I had already looked away, hoping to get myself under control. “The two of you created that circle, whether Dean was an unknowing participant or not, but the devil’s trap that contained Zane also had the symbol for the tulpa designed into it. It was meant to be created as a way to contain the magic, but you also forgot about it instead of controlling it and that’s why we have this situation.”

“If you had just told me…” I sighed, putting my face in my hands as I leaned down to rest my elbows on my knees, his hand going to my shoulders.

“Would you have listened?”

I scoffed, “not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

“Exactly, you and Dean created the circle, you have to break it.”

“How the hell do you break a circle like that?” I looked over at him and watched that crazy half smile he loved to give me creep up on his lips.

“Go back to the source where you found it.” Cas gave a little shrug and his lips tightened as I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes.

When I opened them again, I was sitting alone in the motel room, Sam still asleep on the bed but Cas was nowhere to be found. One more thing to put on Dean, one more thing to drive a wedge between Danni and I and probably the very last straw that might break Sam and I but if it was the only way, what could I do? 

I bit down on my lip, slipped on my shoes and grabbed Sam’s large flannel, slipping it on as I went. 

I knew what I wasn’t going to do. I wasn’t going to sit there because I couldn’t let him see me break down and with a sigh, I walked out the door.


	36. DH - Remembrance 36

**Chapter 36**

Free Fallin’

I had been sitting out back of the motel, at the small glass table with the mismatched plastic lawn chairs for what seemed like hours, at least long enough for it not to be dark, and the sun to rise up high enough to noticed that this place was some sort of party spot. Hell, any place for hunters was a party when they needed the downtime but beer bottles, cigarette butts and the little ends of what I would assume were the leftovers of some definite happy grass littered the ground. It didn’t stop at beer bottles as my watering eyes came down on a wall of bottles, mostly Jack, but there were a few others mixed in. A shrine to the Hunter’s Courage that some needed to make it through the night.

I leaned forward in the chair, wiping my eyes for probably the millionth time, of the streaks that I thought had ended long ago, but nope, the tears were still finding their way out, still creating the tight feeling on my skin. 

I had failed.

Failed to keep my family safe, my  _ other _ family because I knew my children were well guarded, but this one, Sam, Dean and Danni, yeah, I had totally messed that one up. Taking away their memories seemed like a good idea at the moment, but I was so wrapped up in defeating a monster, to making thing go the way I wanted, that I didn’t bother to check what I was creating. I knew the sigils inside and out, how had I not noticed what I was laying down. 

Now Dean was involved,  _ again!  _ Which meant that Danni would be up in arms, totally her right to be because I was involving the man she loved in something dangerous. Take on a tulpa? Alone? Not knowing which way was up or how to really get rid of it? I mean they just burned the damn place down around it last time, I didn’t believe it was going to be that easy this time, because if I did, I was the stupid one again.

And Sam, how was I going to convince him that playing with Crowley, even with as much as the man… demon, wanted to keep me safe, was a very bad plan, especially when it involved my grandmother’s book, a book so strong that Jones made sure to lock it away for this many years. How did I know it was the only one? What about the other three in the coven? Wouldn’t they have their own and seriously, would it have different spells in it or all the same?

Gram! She had taken those memories from me, ones of Danni, small ones of Dean and Sam, and apparently I hadn’t remembered them all, I hadn’t broken through the void yet to collect everything that I need to know.

“Sniffing back here isn’t going to do a thing for you!” Danni’s voice echoed in my ears and I snapped my head to watch her approach, my Danni, but not MY Danni, a younger version of her stepped through the glass, and up to the LTD that I sat on. A memory…

_ “So, what’s got you so up in arms?” She smiled and climbed up beside me, doing her best with the sweater she had on to wipe the morning dew that covered the lid.  “And why the hell are you out so early in the morning?” _

_ “What the hell did I do?” I growled. Huh, must be the question of my life, because even back then I was still finding myself asking it.  _

_ “I’m not catching what you’re tossing so how about from the beginning, with feeling?” I blinked at her, Bon Jovi, must be somewhere after 1988, and looking down at the clothes I was wearing, I was venturing towards early-90s, high school years. _

_ “Dad called, apparently I’m headed home early.” I groaned.  “Can’t they just leave me here, don’t they know how much I hate that city?” _

_ “You have two more years of high school, Sis, and then you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, you can road trip all you want.” Danni smiled, knocking her shoulder against mine as she slid closer and laid her head on it. “You know our Grams aren’t talking to each other right now.” _

_ “Yeah, I know, I overheard some sort of conversation last night.” I shrugged. _

_ “Eavesdropping again, Al, you know that’s just going to get you caught, right?” She was trying to be serious but she knew me too well to not want to laugh. Voices in the night woke me up, there was no way around them, and once I was awake I was draw to them. “So, spill,” which did get a laugh from me because I knew she couldn’t hold out, “what’s going on?” _

_ “Do you know a John?” I asked, the smile fading from my face as I turned to look at her. _

_ “Is your grandma pimping herself out?”  _

_ Okay, um, eww! “That’s not what I meant, Dan, I mean a man named John, apparently that was their whole deal, your gram told mine that there was no way she was going to continue making stuff for John if this was the way it was going to go down. Like, what the hell?” _

_ “So how do you know it has something to do with you?”  _

_ “Well the line of: If Ali hadn’t stopped to talk to him, everything would be fine.” _

_ I watched the question come across her face before she asked it. “Talk to who?” _

_ “That’s what I want to know. Who the hell is up here in this podunk little town worth talking to? I mean, I have known almost every boy here since we were babies and there isn’t a single one of them that I want to talk to, let alone a man named John.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead before she took my hand in hers. “Maybe…” I paused and took a deep breath, “maybe it wasn’t here in town, maybe it was the other day down in Brattleboro, remember when I told you we stopped at that gas station?” _

_ “The hottie with the green eyes that you told me about, Mr. Dreamboat?”  _

_ I scoffed at this and shook my head, “I never called him that.” _

_ “No, but the picture I got from you, wow, you should have at least got his number.” Danni smiled. I forgot that she had a vivid imagination, it was almost like she could read my mind sometimes when I described things to her. “What did you say to him anyway?” _

_ “If I remember right, it was “way to go, douche, you cracked all the eggs,”,” I shrugged and Danni fell back against the window laughing. “What? It was a perfectly appropriate line, he did knock into me, though he looked like he was in an awful hurry.” _

_ “So, what did he say back?”  _

_ “Well, he started out with “if you were better looking,” and then he kind of paused because his eyes, those damn green eyes just kind of locked onto me.  He actually apologized, said that he was kind of in a hurry and didn’t mean to bump me. He bent down and picked up the eggs, apologized again and handed me a couple bucks, but,” I paused, “when he touched my hand…” _

_ “What, you got all hot and wet?” My eyes darted to hers, and this was why she was the older one? I mean seriously, just to say stuff like that. “Sorry, nine years on ya, Al, I think I have innuendos down like a science.” _

_ “I was going to say it was like a flash, but thanks for getting that image stuck in my head.” I turned all sorts of pink. I had been writing sex scenes for a while in my stories, but Danni was the only one who had ever read them. “I saw a whole bunch of things when he touched me, like I knew him from somewhere, and his face… Danni, he stopped smiling and went pale.” _

_ “Okay, so why wouldn’t your gram want you to meet him, or Hell; even talk to him, it’s not like you’re going to ever see him again, that was two hours from here.” She placed a hand on my shoulder as I sighed. “No matter what they say, Ali, you didn’t  _ do _ anything, you talked to a boy, so freaking sue ya, but, now I’m curious about this shock treatment he gave you.  What happened after?” _

_ “Nothing, he kind of tucked tail and ran, but he just kept looking back, biting on his lip.” I let my body slump back on the car. “There was something different about him.” _

_ “Yeah he wasn’t a hillbilly, like you got up here, and he wasn’t a city boy, like you have down in Mass, so he just kind of stirred things in you, so what.”  _

_ But that wasn’t it, and how did I tell her what I knew? Knew about hunters, about the things that went bump in the night? How did I tell her I knew everything about this other world, and that he was part of it?   _

“ALI!” Dean’s voice broke through the memory, shaking me as I sat up in the chair, wiping the tears from my eyes once again. “ALI!” his voice boomed again as he started toward the edge of the buildings, but I heard doors slam and he apologized several times before I heard it once more, “ALI!”

“WHAT!!!!” I snapped back, barking out my answer as it bounced off the trees. Dean rounded the corner and I looked up as his body, tight with worry seemed to relax in all one motion. He surged forward, grabbing the chair beside me, roughly pulled it over and he sat, thigh to thigh, mine tucked in between his, as he looked over my face.

“Christ, have you been crying?” he questioned, which was actual worry and not as harsh as it seemed, and his hands came up to cup my face, looking over the puffy redness there.

“No, I got dirt in my eyes, Winchester, get over it!” I grumbled back as I wiped at the sting in my eyes once again and I swatted at his hands, batting them away. “What are you hollering about anyway?”

“You were kinda missing, smartass!” he retorted and sat back, satisfied that I was no worse for wear. “Sam’s freaking out and Danni is going off the wall because you just keep walking away without telling anyone.”

“So, what, you volunteered to head the search party?” My tone was a lot quieter than I had hoped but he just took in a deep breath and looked around. 

“What are you doing out here?” He asked, not bothering to answer my question.

“Just…” I wanted to tell him all the times that I remembered meeting him so far but I said nothing, just wrapped my fingers around his as he closed his fist up tight. “I just needed some time, okay, Cas told me a few things and I needed to process them.”

“Cas was here?” 

Dean’s eyes went to my hands and I thought back to the egg incident, the way the shock ran through me, the confusion in the bright green ones as he stared me down and I leaned forward, placed a hand on his cheek and kissed him softly on the lips, lingering there for just a moment before I backed away.

“I thought you said to stop doing that,” he whispered as his eyes came up to mine and I shrugged.

“I told  _ you _ to stop doing that, I think an emotional breakdown constitutes me getting away with breaking my own rules.” I sighed and shook my head. “You said that when things with Sam and Danni were stable, when we figured out them, we would get to us.”

“And?” He was right on top of this, on top of everything, and I knew that the Yale genius would see through anything I put at him. I licked my lips and shook my head.

“There’s no breaking the spell, Dean,” I saw his chest rise, but his breath was silent as he glanced around. “It was the reason that Gram and John did what they had to, because this thing between us doesn’t end.”

“So, now what?”

“We work around it.” I glanced off into the woods and shook my head. “I love you, you know that, right? I mean really love you.”

“I know,” he bit down on his lip as he nodded, glancing down at his fingers, “And, you know I feel the same, but…”

“I get it, Sam and Danni all the way. It won’t change what is always there, but we can do something about it, Dean, to make sure that our lives with those two are just that, living happily ever after with the ones we’re in love with.” His eyes closed slowly and I cleared my throat. “They did it, you know, they kept us apart for the same reasons, albeit stupid ones, but it worked, right?”

“Forgetting you? That’s your answer?” His green eyes faded to a darker, angrier color as he sat back. “Not gonna happen, Kid, not again. My whole life I’ve been forgetting the most important people in it, every time I turn around, I get another memory of meeting you, of meeting Danni, so many times and yet, I didn’t have a clue, and then this… Virginia, the last few months, not going to happen, Ali.”

“I…” I took a breath, “I’m not saying forget, Dean, I’m saying distance, after this is done, we need the distance.”

“You read that spell, right? Irrevocable pull and all that crap?”

“We can’t base our life around a spell, Dean.”

“We’re not based around it, Ali, it’s based around us, it is our life.” he suddenly stood and looked down at me. “You and Sam, you really are meant for each other, because you both are playing with fire. I’m not one for fate, I mean, hell, I’d do anything to avoid it but when it comes to the three of you in my life. I’m going to go out on a very thin limb and tell you not to touch it. Don’t play with what’s written in the books, it’s only going to end bad and we all know it.”

Dean clenched his fists, shook his head and turned, walking away. I was suddenly thrown back into the memory of him moving away from me in the store, the way he glanced back over his shoulder and as he rounded the corner, I closed my eyes feeling a tear fall once more. Crap, this was going to be a sucky day.

~~~~~

Danni stood out by the Impala when I came around the corner a few minutes later, still wiping the tears from my face, hoping the puffiness had gone down at least some, but when I looked up at her, I know that my efforts were pretty much useless. She moved towards me, her arms wrapped heavily around me and all I did was let out a breath, leaning my chin on her shoulder as my body relaxed against hers. Sam stood against the support beam behind the car, watching over me, as I slowly raised my arms in an attempt to get them to do something other than hang there. 

The weight in my limbs is what kept me from holding onto her tighter, not the fact that I didn’t want to hug her. Lack of sleep was killing me slowly and right then, with my sister, my friend’s arms around me, I wanted to fall into that blackness and let it take over. She felt it, felt my unwavering need and opened the back of the Impala up, guided me over to her warmth and comfort and let me slide in before she took the blanket that Dean always had so neatly folded on the cooler, and slipped it over me.

“Danni,” I whispered, taking in a deep breath, fighting with my eyes to stay open just long enough for her to stuff the extra duffel bag under my head. I grabbed her hand before she could move away. “I remember you, I remember all of us when we were younger.”

“I know,” she sighed softly, “I’ve been remembering us too.” Her eyes darted in Sam’s direction and though I was sure she thought I missed it, I stored the strange reaction to memory and just let my lids drift closed. “Take a nap, Ali, we’re going to clean up the room and then head to the Roadhouse. It will be a couple hours at most, just try to relax and sleep. Cas said you really needed it.”

~~~~~

It was barely noon when I woke up, stretched out on the backseat of the Impala, her comfortable security wrapped all around me. I got why the boys called her home. She really was that, home, but I missed mine and I wanted this done.  With a deep breath, I sat up and looked at the head of hair that occupied the passenger's seat, my gaze followed that hair down over his neck, and across broad shoulders before I sat far enough forward to see the profile of his face as he looked deep in thought over the reading he was doing.

My journal, the one I had showed him, the one that I had let Dean read, was open and exposed on his lap as his eyes took in every word.

“I supposed I could have showed you all that before and made it easier.” I whispered as I came up and placed my chin on his shoulder, my hand coming around to caress the skin of his neck on the opposite side.

“I don’t think it would have been much help, honestly,” he smiled softly, “your notes are worse than Dad’s. Half of the book reads more like a diary and the other half, almost like a book of shadows.”

“To be fair, the book of shadows part was the God Killer blades and we had a lot of information.” I shrugged.

“The tether spell is in here, the little incantations you used on Dean, even the Devil’s trap for Zane, but it’s smudged.” He knew he had gotten my attention with that one when I leaned forward more and watched him flip to the page. Damn! He was right, the symbols were smudged, there was no way of making them out. “The one I don’t get, is the pebble, why the hell did you do that? You locked away your powers.”

“The blades wouldn’t have worked if I didn’t.” I whispered as I sat back. Sam turned in the seat, put the journal down and eyed me over. “In order to sacrifice, to do what I needed to do, I had to let the magic be locked away. The pebble becomes part of you, it becomes kind of a vessel for the power inside you.”

“And you got this from where?” I looked away when he asked, but his eyes narrowed as he tilted his head just a bit, one of those  _ you better answer _ kind of faces. 

“Your dad, in one of his not possessed moments, left a letter…” I paused and grabbed the book from the seat. With a sigh, I pulled on the back of the binder, opening the fabric as I pulled it out and handed Sam the yellowing slip. “Here, just read it.”

With a sigh, I let him go over it and watched the anger form on his face as he tried to keep his cool, tried to keep it all in, but I know he didn’t have anything under control, not when he folded it up slowly and handed it back without even looking. The car door opened and Sam slipped out, slamming it behind him. 

Crap!

Grabbing my jacket, glad to have it still in the car, I slipped it on before I pushed open my own door and slipped out into the brisk morning air, the leaves were falling and I could feel September changing. The snow might fly here soon and if not fly, then definitely threaten too. Sam was walking away, not towards the bar or anything else, just away and I followed him, grabbing ahold of his sleeve hoping it would stop the man.

I watched his chest rise as he let his feet come to a halt, but it wasn’t a complete one as he moved to switch his weight, like I said, he never really stayed still. 

“Talk to me, Sam,” I whispered, pleaded and he licked his lips, “you’re mad, obviously, but mad at who? Me or John?”

“Both,” he snapped. “Dad for not coming straight to me…”

“Would you have listened? He was possessed by a Demon!” I replied, which got him to spin on me, look me deep in the eye and I watched his jaw clench.

“That didn’t stop you from taking his word as truth.” he grabbed my right hand and held it up, “you have a stone in your hand, a crossroads stone so hyped up with magic that you don’t know what it’s really doing to you, why would you even consider listening to a man who had a demon riding his ass for ten years? Why didn’t you come to me first?”

“Like I said before, would you have listened?” He stood straight, towering over me by a foot and a half, not nearly as intimidating to me as he would have been to other people but his eyes never left mine.  “Do you love me?”

“What?” He growled and shook his head, “that’s the stupidest question I have ever heard come out of your mouth!” he was seething and I could almost feel the waves of anger flowing off of him. “Of course I love you, Ali, that was never the issue.”

“Would you have take that gun and pointed it at me? Would you have pulled the trigger if I really asked you to?” I questioned and watched as he stepped back. I don’t care what his answer was, that body language told me exactly what I needed to know, not a chance in hell, and I slowly exhaled. “That was the same thing John saw, your love, and that was why he told me to go to Dean, but that wasn’t the reason why I did in the end.  I went to your brother because of what I was becoming, what you knew for sure we could stop. But, there wasn’t any  _ stopping _ it, Sam, there was only darkness getting worse, taking over and it was my way or the barrel of a gun.”

“I’m not a weak little boy, Ali,” he growled and I let my lips turn up in a small smile, one that was probably not the most appropriate for the moment but I sucked in my lip and reached out for him, gently stroking my hand down his arm. 

“I never thought you were weak, Sam, in fact, you were probably the strongest of us all,” I could hear the footsteps approaching behind us and I sighed. “You wouldn’t give up hope, you never saw the dark side of me when all I saw was black. I gave up, I gave in but you never did, and that was why John said to go to Dean, because he knew you were too strong to say  _ yes _ , not to me. Like you always said, we would find a way to fix it, but at that point, to me, there was no fixing anything, there was just giving up. So, I did,” I watched his eyes brim with tears as I swallowed, “I gave up, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’ll be sorry for that forever.”

Christian was the one that slowly came to stand next to us, but it was Sam that broke our stare to glance at his cousin.

“What?” he barked.

“Hey, don’t kill the messenger,” Christian smiled as he put his hands up, “the others were worried about you and since I saw what you did to the motel room last night, they kind of volunteered me to come out and check on you, but if you’re good, I’ll just go back inside.”

“We’ll be in in a minute,” I whispered and watched as Sam just looked away, anywhere but me or Christian, as his cousin looked him over before his eyes landed on me. I gave him a little nod at the  _ are you okay _ stare he was giving me and watched him take a breath before walking away. Sam glanced down and moved out of my reach, and I waited for Christian to be out of earshot before I continued. “You may not believe me, Sam, hell, you may never trust me again, but at that point in time, when I was so hopped up on power or whatever was coursing through me, you were the one that I wanted, that I couldn’t live without, but I didn’t want to die. The choice wasn’t simple, it wasn’t black or white, but I would be damned if I was going to let you hurt if I died, I thought that was the only way to protect you.”

“I didn’t need your protection, Ali,” he lowered down to look me dead in the eyes. “I needed you!”

And with that, he stood, ran his hands through his hair and walked away, just like that, he walked away. 

I closed my eyes as the waterworks threatened again, ran my hand down my face before I turned and headed into the building. He was not going to like what I had to say about the Tulpa either, but what the hell, I was done playing around, trying to explain my actions. They all had their memories, what could I do with them except fill in the gaps of what I was planning, if they asked, which I hoped to God they didn’t.

~~~~~

Jo put the plate down in front of me, the greasy, homemade cheeseburger was great to look at but the smell of it just turned my stomach. I smiled up at her as she placed a hand on my shoulder but I didn’t have an appetite, which caught Danni’s attention as Dean dug in and stuffed the thick sandwich in his mouth. He bounced like a kid in a candy shop, which got just a small grin from me as Sam shook his head and picked at his food.

Danni elbowed me and pointed at my plate. “Eat!” she ordered and watched me roll my eyes, “don’t tell me you’re not hungry again.”

“Okay,” I cleared my throat and gave her a slight smile, “I won’t.”

“Alison Porter, you better eat or I will tie you to that chair and make you!” her voice made my eyes snap up to hers but the thought of ties to a chair had my memories flashing back to the room, to Dean unconscious in the middle of the circle and I couldn’t breath. I could only catch little gasps of air and in my head I could see each moment of my feet, the way that my hands moved as I circled Dean’s chair, casting the devil’s trap as I went. Cool hands were against my face, holding me tightly. “Ali!” the sound vibrated through the memory, making it shake and the vision distort, “ALI!”

“I cast the tulpa spell,” I belted out and swallowed as my eyes focused on Danni.  “When I had Dean in the warehouse, while we were setting the trap for Zane, I cast it in the devil’s trap,” I rattled off and glanced over at the green-eyed Winchester as he stopped chewing, his mouth full of the burger, “and he helped me close it.”

“Oh, please don’t tell me what I think you’re going to tell me,” Danni gruffed.

“Cas said the only people who can undo it, are the ones that cast it,” I whispered, still staring at Dean, who managed to finish what was in his mouth.

“And Cas would know this how?” Sam sighed.

“Because he’s Cas,” I answered, I mean, it sounded totally logical to me right?

“You gotta be freaking kidding me,” Sam was furious, and he should be but he shook his head and stood up.  “Show me where it says this, Ali, show me!”

I stood up, pushing the chair back as I looked him straight in the eyes. Moving around the table, I stood directly in front of Dean, wrapped my hand around his arm, the best I could and pulled him up. Okay, so I didn't exactly pull him, the boy weighed more than me soaked and wet, but he got the point and stood. 

His eyes went wide as I slipped my hand into his front pocket.

“Hey! Hey there, grabby hands, watch the package,” but I watched his eyes cloud over for just a second as I brushed against him and closed my fingers around the impala keys. His breath hitched as he whispered my name. Close, too dangerously close. “Al.” 

Without answering, and with keys in hand, I headed out, moving towards the black classic car and her weapons cache stashed away in the trunk. 

Popping it quickly, I moved to the back left corner where Sam stashed all the books, at least the important ones, and I moved several aside until I got to the one I wanted, tucked down at the bottom and it made me wonder, did they ever question where they got it from.

Closing the trunk, I placed the book on the metal, flipped through it until I found the one thing I was looking for, the devil’s trap. With breath that I never realized I was holding until that point, I looked it over, ran a hand over my brow as I scanned the page. 

Every symbol was the same as the Lesser Key of Solomon trap, save for one and the small adjustments made that put the extra warding on the edges of the star, but there it was, just between the bottom two points, the Tibetan sigil that I had written in my journal when I first entered the section after April. I had made myself aware of it, remembered it but there it was.

“Son of a Bitch!” I backed away from the car, my hands up in my hair as I walked a circle, trying to catch my heart before I looked up at the the two men who stood there at the edge of the steps. I saw Dean put his hand over his mouth, as Sam crossed his arms, but it was Danni that came down and stopped at the book, as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to get a hold on the fury that raced through me.

She turned to me, anger in her eyes. “You did this on purpose!” She stated as she pointed to me, “Anything to have him save you, anything to get those boys attention and not just Sam but Dean too!” I shook my head but said nothing as i tried to keep myself calm. “Did you plan this out before? Like you did with Cas, make this part of your little memory trip?”

“Yeah, that’s totally what I did, Dan!” I snarked and rolled my eyes, “I just walked up and convinced a damn demon to write a 500 year old book, oh yeah and fly back into the past to not only mess with our bloodline but also to possess John! Yeah, totally had this planned from the beginning!”

“Ali!” Sam warned but I shot him a look.

“What? Am I just supposed to sit here and take this?” But he didn’t say anything else as I stepped up closer to her. “Believe anything you want, hell, believe that I hung the moon right over my birthday just to piss you off and make this all about me, but know there is only one real thing here. I never wanted to put any of you in danger, and if I have to figure this out myself, then so be it! You can go back to what you were doing before, hunting and… whatever… because I swear, if I never see another Winchester…”

“Alright!” Dean snapped, stepping between us as Danni started to ball her fist, ready to swing, and his green eyes looked down at me, “I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you, Kid!” He looked just as pissed but funny enough, I didn’t care. I stepped back though as he turned to Danni. “Take a breath, sweets, you know she had nothing to do with a symbol, we’ll figure this out, we just have to make some sort of plan.”

“Don’t defend her, Dean,” Danni looked passed him at me and I shook my head. 

“I don’t need anyone to defend me.” I replied through clenched teeth and stepped forward, wanting her to hit me, needing her to.

“Hey!” he snapped, staring at me from over his shoulder, “go walk it off!” But I didn’t move, my blue eyes stayed locked on hers. “Ali!” his commanding voice made me look up, “go take a walk.”

Why the hell was his eyes flickering from mine to the woods? With a deep inhale, deep enough to feel the cold breath hit the bottom of my lungs, I swung around and looked up at Sam, just once, watching as he never once moved off the porch, but took in everything that had been going on.  I stared at him as I closed the book, took the keys out of the trunk and placed them gently on the black paint of the car.

His bright blue-green eyes kept mine locked, as if he knew what was going on and I swear to God, I saw him wink before I snatched the book up and walked away. Winked? Why the hell would Sam be winking? Did he know something? Was he planning something bigger than what I could come up with in my head, or was he just being Sam… but then again, that supportive man, the one who seemed to always have my back in Virginia no matter how dark it appeared to be getting, that man wasn’t the one standing there. Sam and I had our differences, hell, this was the first time we had ever argued but then again why the hell was he winking.

I moved to the back of the building, started out into the field before I hit the woods and stopped, holding the book to me as I looked up into the sky. Yep, I had to do this and get it done, I wanted my family back, and I wanted to not have this thing wedged between us. I felt Danni slipping away the more I involved Dean, but this time it honestly wasn’t my fault, he could have easily been out helping her with the sigils but the plan of action had been the most obvious one. Dean at the time wouldn’t let me out of his sight, because of the tether and because he thought I was dangerous, so locking him up and tying him down was the best strategy to making Zane believe that we… or I as it were, really was up to no good.

“Cas,” I whispered, closing my eyes, as I pictured that park bench, the way that the sun felt on my face. If I ever needed a haven, it certainly was now. “Cas, please.”

“You don’t have to beg,” his breath brushed against my ear and I felt his hand come around, lying flat against my stomach as I shivered beneath his touch. The angel was getting good at these little flirting motions and I honestly hoped he found someone not so involved with other people to try them on. He hummed in my ear, and I felt the goosebumps rise up, “but then again, I think I kind of like it.”

“Don’t be a jerk, Castiel,” I smiled and turned in his arms, his blue eyes filled with mischief. What the hell was I turning this angel of a man into? “I need you to do me a favor.”


	37. DH Remembrance - 37

**Chapter 37**

Two Bottles of Whiskey

I stepped through the door, letting the screen close softly as I waited and walked over to the table that seemed to be situated between them all. Dean was leaning against the pool table, arms crossed, legs at the ankles but he didn’t look up, at least all the way, his eyes seemed to find me from under his lashes.

Sam stood at the back of the bar, one elbow leaning against it as he milked the beer in his hand and his gaze was the one that found and held mine for the longest before I released the volume onto the hard top of the old table. Those observant eyes watched every movement I made and I watched as he gave me a slight smile before he looked down at the bottle in his hand, twirling it to move the liquid inside before he raised the opening to his mouth and took a long drink. I don’t know why it fascinated me but I watched his throat as he swallowed and I couldn’t help but shake.

It was Danni that wasn’t waiting for me to ogle her, she was the one that came right up to me and I braced myself for the swing, closed my eyes and took a ragged breath. After a moment of silence, and painlessness, I realized the swing wasn’t coming and opened my eyes to stare into her fuming ones. We stood there, two storms seeming to grow, a dark, thunderous silence turned into something that seemed to echo in my ear and I reached out.

I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly, like she had done that morning, except this time, I wasn’t confused, I wasn’t there to tell her that I had remembered, that I figured out a way. I was doing it for one reason.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and I felt her breath catch as her hands steadied, because she wasn’t sure if she was pushing me away or pulling me closer, before they were suddenly locked around me. “I know I’ve said it before, I know it might not mean anything but just listen.” I focused on Sam, not really seeing him but I couldn’t close my eyes as I spoke to her.  “I’m so sorry I hurt you, it seems to be a pattern when I get close to anyone, I’m sorry for the lies, the pain and I’m sorry you had to go through the last few months alone. I hope you know that I was there for you when Wayne passed, I hope you realize that you didn’t go through that on your own. You had me, you had Sam and Dean and no matter how it felt, we never really left you.

“I’m sorry for Virginia, I should have given you a choice, I should have stopped to think before acting, and Sam’s right, I am impulsive, I do things that no one normally would because at the time I think they’re the right thing to do, but sometimes, they’re not, not even close.” I was rambling now but that was okay because I was feeling her ease up in my arms. “You’re my sister, the one that I thought of as soon as I remembered, the one that I needed to find, to save from this, but I didn’t get it, just like the boys really didn’t see it when we first met. You didn’t need my saving, you never did. You have always been the strongest of us all, Danni, the bear amongst wolves, no need for a pack, just claws and anger.”

“Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?” She questioned, pulling away from me to look me in the eyes, to lock blue on blue and I reached up, cupping her cheek with one hand as I stood my ground and smiled.

“You’re kidding right?” I laughed, “there’s never goodbye, Dan, it’s only ever been: Love ya, Dean.”

“Love you, Sammy.” She whispered back and I watched her think about all those time the phone calls ended the late night goodnight texts, the way that nothing would have ended without those words, even April when we were pulling out of the driveway, it had always been that way. No goodbyes, even when we hung up the phone.

“I have a Winchester to suck up to,” I whispered and watched the grin spread across her face as I glanced over at Sam, and Danni turned to look him over as well. “We good?”

“Golden,” she smiled as we turned back to face each other, stepping back to give room as she moved her arms to pat me on the shoulder. “Go get your boy.”

I gave her a soft pat on the shoulder as I moved past Dean, glanced over at him from the corner of my eye and watched as his green ones locked on mine before he gave me a brief smile. I stood before Sam, looking up, not as far as usual mind you, but still up far enough to have to slip up onto the foot rail as he took another drink, this time looking me over like I was dinner.

“Hey, hot stuff,” I whispered and that smirk came back as he surveyed the room once more. 

“What’s up, beautiful?” His voice was deep, no playfulness in it whatsoever and that alone made me tremble.

“Can I steal you from this lovely crowd for just a few minutes?” I watched as he stood, towered over me and backed me up against the bar, his fingers running over my cheek to my neck as he placed the now empty beer bottle down on the bar.

“You can steal me forever if you need to,” he answered, leaning over to whisper it in my ear.

“Keep sweet talking me in that voice and you might not last forever.” I laughed as I took his hand but ducked out from between him, giving him a gentle tug as I glanced at Dean once more. 

The older Winchester hadn’t moved from that spot, but his eyes followed me like a vulture, and the only emotion that was current was one of protection as his eyes went to his little brother, but I just smirked, that little curl of my lips had him taking a breath as the two of us headed towards the basement door.

~~~~~

Letting go of his hand as we stepped into the room, Sam walked a little ways out onto the floor as I found the closest counter to plunk my ass on, I needed to at least be somewhere near his height to talk to him, I mean come on, I couldn’t crane my neck enough to get my point across without hurting something.  Waiting patiently for him, I took a deep breath and swung my feet, as Sam gazed over the room before his body turned and his sight landed back on me. 

Opening my thighs, not as an invitation for sex but one to bring him closer so he could stand between them, I cleared my throat but never said a word. One last glance in each direction and Sam was striding over, his long legs allowing him only second before his thighs were pressed between mine and his hands were running alongside them. I reached out and placed my hands on his chest, feeling the heartbeat under his shirt, letting the rise and fall of his breath move them and I sighed.

“You know what’s going to happen, don’t you?” I questioned and watched as he licked his lips, a motion that I had to watch before my gaze met his, a fury of emotions and the twisting of storms were evident in those blue-green oceans that held me in one spot with a look alone.

“I’m not going to stop you,” he sighed, his hands running from my thighs up to my waist before he rested them on my neck, the weight of them a welcomed feeling and I closed my eyes. “You have a complex, you know that?” and I almost heard the smile in those words, “a stubborn, to hell with the world, sacrifice for family complex, and if I didn’t know you like I did, I would swear somewhere in your bloodline there was definitely some Winchester, or Campbell, since Christian seems to be exactly the same as us.”

“Funny, I always thought they called that a Napoleon Complex,” I smiled and his thumbs traced my jaw, one lightly going over my bottom lip as he grinned

“Oh, that you most definitely have,” he sighed as he leaned down and his lips brushed mine softly. “What do you want, Ali?” his breath brushed across my skin, and those fine hairs on my arms, the ones on the back of my neck, rose on end. “You’re going to run headlong into battle, I know you, I can see it in your eyes, so tell me what you want from me.”

“You, all of you, always,” I admitted, and it was true, because I couldn’t enough of him alone, but as I moved my arms to wrap them around his neck, I knew deep down, it would be too much. “But what I want is your kiss, for now, just your kiss.”

As I spoke, I felt the heat come closer and I straightened just a bit as his mouth brushed mine, the feel of his warm breath shook me to the core and I waited, parting my lips, letting him control the movement, the method and when he pressed harder, all I could do was moan into him. 

His tongue swept across the part, tasting just inside the wetness and I found my hands threading through his hair, wanting to bring him closer, but he pulled back, and I felt the rise of his cheeks as he smiled, teasing. His taunting stroke brought more of a flame to the core of my body than anything I could have ever imagined, and I pressed my thighs closed on his, hoping to ease the heat there, suddenly not wanting it to be just his kiss, but all of him.

With that movement, that gentle squeeze, that kiss became a heated mess of need and passion as he brought his mouth down hard on mine, delving his tongue into taste me, and I loved every second of it. Swirling around his, dueling as he tried to claim me, but I staked my own claim on him as I fought for control, until his hands came up and cupped my cheeks, holding me steady as he tilted his head just a little, just enough to move in and take over.

I whimpered against his mouth, my hips moving against him, trying to find release as his fingers trailed away from their hold, but I didn’t move, I let him continue the assault as he lay claim to everything that I was.  Those fingers moved over my breasts, flicking at hardened peaks as he moved down past them to my waist, where his thumbs dipped in between the joined heat of our legs, and his fingers gripped my thighs tightly.

“Ali,” he whispered, not tearing away completely as his breathed my name into me, and if that wasn’t a turn-on, the gentle rubbing he had begun with his thumbs had me quaking against him. The only answer I gave him was a sigh of contentment, encouraging him to continue. “Ali, say yes again,” this had my heart beating against my chest even though my body was demanding more attention from him. “Say yes to me.”

“Yes,” I whispered, though, I was pretty sure I hadn’t actually annunciated it, more of moaned it against his soft lips as he waited, “always, Sam.”

I don’t remember how it happened next, but there was a whirlwind of emotions as his mouth lay siege once more and the cool breeze of the basement air tingled against the skin of my back. A needy tug against my hips made me realize that my jeans were pretty much disappearing and before I could breath into him once again, my backside was down against the cold laminate surface, and Sam’s warmth was pressing in from in front of me. 

I breathed in deep, not shocked because I knew him but deeply because I wanted the scent of him, the feel of everything he was at that very moment. Sin, and I had said it before, pure sin, even as he moved gently against me, filling me until I couldn’t help the noises that escaped my lips. His mouth never left mine, the way that it moved against mine seemed to be a gentle contrast to what his body was doing, the deep thrusts of his hips met with soft brushes of his lips.

I could live with this feeling forever, every moment of every day, just like this, but I could feel the build up, the way that his body commanded mine, just as I controlled his and neither of us stood a chance of holding out, and I didn’t want to. I longed for that release, the way that his body felt as it swelled, and was it ever. He was thicker this time, the angle hitting just right that I could feel the swell of every inch and as he pulled back, the length of him moved against that oh-so-sensitive spot inside, getting a gasp and sigh with every pass. My body started to shake, my legs locked tighter around him, my fingers dug into his skin and I heard him growl as his lips sucked on mine harshly.

He bit down on my bottom lip, as my body began to clench around him, sending wave after wave of heat humming through him and suddenly he let go, his lips parted as he quickly panted, then clenched his teeth. I had seen it so many times before, the way that his body reacted to the orgasm that ripped through him, but this time it sent me over the edge and I tilted my head back, exposing my neck to him.

I wanted it, needed it and Sam knew, he just knew what it was that would seal this deal forever. As he thrust forward, burying himself deep, his mouth clamped down on the soft spot on the slope of my neck, sucking as he did so, using just the right amount of teeth to get the noise from me that he needed to hear and when I gasped again, I felt his release shiver through him. 

The pulsing of his sex within mine was enough to send shockwaves through me, as his hands gently cradled my back, fingers kneading against the skin, and as I rode the waves of my own release, I knew he had yet to back off from my neck, that in itself had me sliding up and over another time. When his teeth pulled away, when the suction on my skin lessened and I was able to breath again, I leaned my head forward, placing it against his shoulder as he pulled me upright, wrapping his arms around me tightly, his heart racing beneath my hand. 

“I won’t lose you again,” he whispered softly, his voice firm, “not again.”

“Sam,” was the only thing I could manage to get out as I moved my arms, wrapping them around his neck once more as I placed my cheek against his shoulder.  I had said yes… again, and he knew what I was doing! Why would he do that to himself? But there was no answers to my questioned because I refused to ask them, I didn’t honestly want to know. 

Taking a deep breath, letting my body come down from the high that his had created, Sam slowly backed away, tugging up the stray legs of my jeans and I smiled because I finally realized just how talented he was especially to get me that way without actually removing anything. 

I laughed as he tried to tug them back on without me coming up from the counter, but was met with a kiss instead and one arm that wrapped around my waist, hoisting me up as he gave my jeans a small yank.

“Now, all I’m going to feel is wet,” I teased as he lowered me back down in the same spot, but his brow went up when he gave me that slight knowing smile.

“Then you won’t forget this… ever,” he winked and kissed me softly before it faded and his lips parted, staring into me with those bright eyes.  “I meant what I asked you, but you have to know one thing, Ali, whatever happens next, I will never take it back.”

“I know,” I sighed, brushing the stray hairs from his eyes to push them behind his ear with one hand as I gently traced his lower lip with my thumb, “neither will I.  I never meant to hurt you before, and I want it just as much now, if not more than I did back then.”

“I love you, Alison,” he whispered, kissing me gently, “I always will.”

I didn’t need to reply, this wasn’t one of those need to hear the words moments, he just needed to say them. I took a deep breath, let the scent of the man wrap around me and closed my eyes, praying that I would make it back in one piece this time. Hoping that the promise of forever might hold, but I knew what I had to do next, I could feel the ripples against my mind, the feeling of it crawling up my spine. But there was one more person I needed to see, so why, after all of this, would he be the hardest to step away from?

~~~~~

Sam knew what was going to happen next, so when I stopped at the top of the stairs, just as I reached for the handle, his hand came up to my wrist. Slowly I turned, catching his eyes once more as he stopped, standing on a step that brought us to equal height and I watched him stare at me, memorizing my features as he licked his lips.

“Promise me that you’re coming back,” he whispered, as he reached up and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. 

“Promise me you’ll be right there to save my ass,” I replied and watched him smile, his eyes going to my lips.

“Always,” was his answer as he made eye contact again. 

“Then we have an agreement,” I winked as I opened the door and walked into the bar, with Sam right behind me. He kissed me on the temple, glanced over the room before giving me a nod and I watched him move back towards the bathroom. 

I looked around the room, glanced at Christian, who seemed to be checking me over while leaning against the bar, yeah him and Sam weren’t alike  _ at all _ ! Jo wiped down the counters, stocking everything for the two p.m. opening, and Danni racked up the balls for a quiet game of pool, her eyes resting on mine but then she switched and looked in Dean’s direction. He was sitting at one of the tables, glass of whiskey in his hand as he stared down at the amber liquid.

I moved purposely through the room, grabbed the book from the table I had left it on and walked up to stand in front of him. Dean took a deep breath, which told me he at least saw my legs and that was his way of acknowledging that I was standing there waiting to annoy him, but as his eyes moved up to land on mine, I could see the emotions there.

Gently, I kicked his foot and gestured with just my head for him to follow me out the door. Without waiting for him to move, I moved away, the book pressed against my chest as I stepped out the swinging screen door. At the trunk of the Impala, I managed to find the page in the book that I wanted, and as quietly as possible, I ripped it out before closing the book once again. The back door was unlocked and I grabbed the first-in bag from the floor, made sure that my journal and the letter that I had let Sam read earlier was in it’s rightful place and by the time I stood, closed the door behind me, Dean was walking towards me.

The look on his face moved between anger and confusion as he stood, not more than two feet from me, just out of my arms reach and he took a deep breath. I didn’t want him to stay that way because I knew he wouldn’t listen. When he got angry, when he didn’t understand, he shut down. He didn’t care what you had to say because he wasn’t going to like the outcome, so he didn’t bother listening.

I did the only thing I knew would confuse him more, and shake him enough so that he would open his stubborn mind to what I had to say.  I closed that gap, grabbed ahold of his overshirt, and placed a hand on his cheek. There was a difference in height between me and Dean compared to the younger brother. Sure, Dean still towered over me but a good yank and standing on my tiptoes seemed to nullify that rather quickly.

Thrown off guard, Dean leaned down, his eyes locked on mine as his hands moved to my waist and he stared, pink lips parted, not sure of what was going on, at least not until I kissed him. Yep, total confusion achieved and I knew I had to stop doing that, stop using it as a way to get Dean to open up because it could just get dangerous. His eyes seemed to close, not sure when during the kiss, since it was light and quick but pressing nonetheless, and I felt him shiver under my fingers before I went back down to my flat feet.

His breath was choppy at best, not sure of which way to go with this and I watched as his tongue darted out to moisten the skin of his mouth, taking in the taste of that one simple gesture. I didn’t let him go though, didn’t release his shirt or his face and he slowly got what I wanted him to do. His arms came up to wrap around me and he brought me into an embrace that told me there was no way that anything could come between us, but the shaking of the rest of him told me he knew, just knew everything. 

I pressed my lips against his cheek, feeling the stubble of three days worth of not shaving and though it wasn’t thick, it still tickled. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing one against the back of his head, the other as tightly as I could manage before digging into his shoulder as he took in a deep breath.

“You smell like Sammy,” he grinned, his cheeks rising as he said it and I blinked away the tears before they gave me away. “Ali, what are you doing?”

“Don’t freak out,” I managed to start, but that was when it came out like a wave of uncertainty, as if I wasn’t sure that I was doing it right either. “Wait for Cas, Dean. Whatever happens next, please, please! Keep calm and wait for Cas, he’ll explain everything.”

I felt him pull away, bring his face just a few inches from mine as I stared up at him. I went to back away, to tell him something but he wouldn’t let go, he knew that as soon as he did, the world would start to spiral, but I released one hand, ran it over his neck, down his chest, until I stopped, grabbed the folded page from my pocket and stuffed it in the front one of his, where he kept Baby’s keys. 

“Don’t lose this,” I smiled and watched as his brow creased and I cupped his cheek. “I swear I will see you again.”

“No,” he whispered and shook his head, but it was too late, I could feel her this time, feel the darkness in her manifest behind me. I turned just a bit in his arms, far enough so that I could see the creature coming up behind me and glancing back at Dean, I knew he saw her too.

She was a remnant of what she was before, a shadow of the tall, dark haired woman with the red ruby lips. This tulpa, this monster now stood before us, as I turned in his arms completely to face her. Her blue eyes didn’t glow like an angel’s now but bright red like a demon’s and those lips pulled back to show me rows of sharp teeth. She growled low as she flickered in and out of existence, like the ghost of the brother we had to salt and burn, in fact, she seemed to mimic every monster we had seen this trip, all in a few paces.

“Dean,” I swallowed, reaching back to take his hand, as my heart started to race. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze, at least until it came closer. I struggled to get the spectrum from the sheath, but I could feel something at my back. Dean turned me around, looked down in my eyes as his fingers traced my cheek and he kissed me solidly on the forehead. I knew what he was doing, and I watched him take a deep breath.

“CAS!!” He screamed and we heard the monster wail, scream, growl, it all sounded like the same thing, something dangerous, and I swung around in his arms.

“Get me out of here,” I whispered, just as she closed the distance to swing out, but as I watched her claws come towards me, I felt the warmth of the angel’s swings sweep around me, and at the same time, something slipped down through the belt at the back of my jeans. 

The world seemed to fade this time, it wasn’t a pop, not a quickly one minute you’re here, the next you're not scenario. I watched as Dean flickered and disappeared, the four on the porch did the same but it was the tulpa, the way she shimmered and disappeared that let me release a breath and the parking lot of the bar disappeared, only to be replaced by the rest stop’s grassy knoll, two hours south of Summerford.

I slumped back against the picnic table as Cas finally finished the flight and his hands clasped around my ribs, steadying me until the disorientation passed.

“I trust you were able to get everything you needed.” He said softly as he put his hand on my neck and tilted my head up, checking the response in my vision as if he expected the ride to do something funky to me. I reached behind me and gasped the handle of the demon blade that Dean had slipped there. With a deep breath, I pulled it out and showed it to him. “Two hours, Ali, that’s all we have time for. If he’s not here by then…”

“Dean will be here, Cas, he’s waiting on you, just like we planned.” I sighed and watched as his eyes left mine, looked around the small, unassuming rest area and shook his head.

“I don’t like leaving you unprotected,” and that made me smile because he knew full well that I wasn’t. “I’m not sure how long it will take me to convince him to move, but I will be back as soon as he is.”

“I’ll be safe, Cas, I promise. There’s a reason for this place, you know.” I smiled and looked over towards the building. The angel followed my lead and looked at the small three-room building. Two of those rooms were bathrooms and the other one was the office/welcome center but I watched the way his eyes narrowed. “It’s warded, Cas, it’s a hunter’s rest stop, completely covered in protection from every known religion and culture.”

“How did you find it?” His voice was full of wonder, like he had never seen it before, of course it was protected from angels, so I never thought that he would truly know if it’s existence. 

“Jones,” I shrugged and watched as he rolled his eyes, that snarky look written right across his face as if to say  _ of course _ but nothing left his lips.  I placed my hand on his solid bicep and gave it a squeeze. “Cas, I know you don’t want to go, but for this to work...”

“Yes, I know, we need Dean.” he growled, like it was the worst idea in the world, but he got it, and I let out a breath. “Go inside, I’ll be back as soon as I get the stubborn fool to agree.”

“My money’s on him sitting in the car waiting on you to tell him where to go.” I smiled.

“If I had the need for money, I’d raise your bet that Sam’s got him locked in the Roadhouse trying to keep him calm.” Cas shook his head, “you don’t know that Winchester like I do.”

“I think I know him a lot better than you think,” I grinned and watched as Cas seemed to huff, his lips parted as he shook his head and quickly kissed me before disappearing in a flutter of wings. I picked the bag up off the ground, not even sure how the hell Cas managed to grab it, but with a smile on my face, I headed toward the “closed for renovations” building, and pushed the lock code on the back panel. Licking my lips, I stared at the door and whispered: “ Sicut enim mihi apertum.”

The door popped and I glanced around one more time before I stepped into the chilly darkness, pulling the panel closed tightly behind me.

~~~~~

I paced nervously, twenty minutes had passed and no sign of Cas. Thirty and nothing. Thank God for a coffee maker and cream that wasn’t expired, the only thing that would have been better was a nice juicy cheeseburger, but then again, that made me think of Dean and just how much I owed the angel because obviously it took a lot more convincing to get the boy to move than I thought it would.

Even in the building, with the warding up and the way the energy flowed, trying to keep things calm, I could feel the burn of the small pebble in my hand and found myself pressing against it without really thinking of it, which only made me think of Sam’s scar in the show, the one that he used to banish Lucifer from his thoughts when times got tough after his soul returned.

I wondered if that was what I was, some soulless creature that had given over to the dark side, but when I thought that way, the only thing I could come up with was hell no, because someone without a soul wouldn't worry if they didn’t have one… would they?

I remembered the ritual, collecting the pebble from the crossroads, slicing my hand with the demon blade after making sure that the small stone could carry the energy that I needed and I pressed just a little harder on the nub beneath my skin. 

What I needed was a distraction. Yep, a distraction, but what kind and how far did I take it.  With a deep breath, I reached into my bag and pulled out my journal. Flipping through it, nothing seemed to catch my attention. I knew this story, hell I wrote it, so there was nothing for me there, nothing of import, nothing that I didn’t know, at least I thought.

The last page, the very last written page wasn’t in my hand, it was in Sam’s barely legible research scratch and I shook my head. At the same time that I thought about slapping him for going in my personal journal, I found myself engrossed in the writing there, the way the muse had taken him over as he laid out just what the hell had happened to his father, according to the memories the angels had given him.

The warehouse was the same, but Danni and I weren’t in the picture, only Sam and Dean, well at that point only Sam.  _ HE _ had found his way to through the tunnels from Jordan Springs,  _ HE _ was the one that rushed in on the fight that ensued with the demons but there were no blades, no  _ God Killers _ because in this memory they didn’t exist, because we didn’t.   _ HE _ was the one that faced John, but it wasn’t the man I saw, the one that pleaded with me that he was tired, that he wanted to sleep. No, this one was angry, violent and wanted Sam dead.

John brought up every painful memory, ever wrong that Sam had done, bringing the anger in the boy’s blood to a boil, and when he was ready to blow, John brought up the demon blood that ran through his system. He blamed Sam for what happened to Dean, the abuse at his own hands, that if Sam never ran away, he wouldn’t have had to  _ teach _ Dean how to be rough, or hard.  It was Sam’s fault that Dean never went to Yale, that he didn’t get out, and Sam believed him.

John, the demon, showed Sam every face of every person he had ever hurt, every monster that he had ever put down and then he showed him the one thing that Sam would never have.

_ He showed me you, Ali, the woman that had haunted my dreams for months now, the one that I had been drawing. He teased me with you, giving me images of the vampires that killed you, of your body broken in your bed because I had been too late. And he smiled… he smiled only like a demon could and when he sat there smiling, he showed me something else. You with Dean, in the warehouse where we fought Zane. I didn’t know that then, that we had taken on that power, I just knew that you were a demon and you had my brother locked down. _

_ It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you when you came into my life this time, Ali, it was that the memories were too much, at least the ones I had. In my head, you were dead, I hadn’t been able to save you, but Dad didn’t seem to know the other part of the dream. Whatever the angels did, they must have been going on what we had said to each other, what you knew, because from that night in April, from the moment you  _ died _ in my dream, you were alive in my fantasies. I saw you everywhere, I knew you the moment you stepped into the room but I didn’t want to believe it, I didn’t want to have that hope, because there was one thing that Dad said that kept me from it. _

_ I had lost the love of my life that night, the one soul that could keep me whole, but here you are, and as pissed as I want to be because I had to put him down, I can’t. Ali, it wasn’t a pretty fight, he was broken and bleeding and I drove that knife straight through his neck.  I can’t be mad at you because I never was. _

_ It took me a while to realize this, and right now you are sleeping and I know what’s coming next, I know about you and Dean, but know, please know, I’m not mad. I would have done the same thing, hell Danni and Dean would have done it too, but it fell on your shoulders and you did the best you could. _

_ I’m not saying this because I know what comes next. I’m writing this because I need you to know. I need you to know that I love you, I always have, from the moment we met, I love you. _

I put the book down, took a deep breath and wiped my hands across my face. Words on paper would never explain the brutality of those images, but it hit home because of what I had been shown by John… no, by Asmodeus. I knew one thing, as the moments ticked by. This needed to be done, and it needed to be done now.

Just as I placed my head back against the wall one last time, I heard the rumble of a familiar engine as it pulled into the parking spaces outside. Guess the Winchester had the same idea as I did.

I stood, wiped my eyes once more and moved towards the door, opening it just as Dean stood up from the car, the angel in the seat beside him and I couldn’t stop the smile.


	38. DH Remembrance - 38

**Chapter 38**

Ramblers in the Wilderness

The seconds didn’t tick by, there was no slow motion running scene, there was Dean’s arms around me, his fingers in my hair, his lips on my head and his heartbeat against mine. His chest rose and fell in time with the chaotic but apparently necessary need to check me over for damage before his palms rested against my cheeks and I found myself staring up into his green eyes, as his lips rose with a smile.

“What the hell were you thinking?” But there was no anger there, or it was masked by the other emotions that colored his skin as he pushed back my hair from my forehead.

“Same thing as always, gunfights and blaze of glory,” I whispered and watched him lick his lips. 

“Sammy’s gonna kill you,” he whispered as his thumb ran over my bottom lip, before he pulled me to him once again, my cheek pressed against his heart. 

“Yeah, well, Sam knows this was going to go down, to an extent.” I replied and felt him step back. When his hands slipped to my waist, I glanced at Cas, then up at the older Winchester.  “He knew something was going to happen, just not so soon. Hell, I didn’t even expect it so soon.”

“So, the tulpa?” was his only questioned, but I shook my head. Her arriving at that precise moment just added to the fact that we needed to move this along, but I just released him and pressed my thumb to the heated ball in my hand, feeling the ache of it under my skin.

“I suggest we move this inside,” Cas stated, which got both of us to give him a look, watching him as he looked around, eyes narrowed with a look of uncertainty on his face.

“Something in the air, Cas?” I questioned, his gaze quickly settling on mine.

“Yes, something very, very powerful.” 

“Let me guess,” Dean sighed, “it’s headed this way?”

“Unfortunately.” I watched him take a breath before I nodded.

“Okay, follow me.” I sighed, Dean snatched up my hand, as if I might disappear again and I couldn’t help the grin that stretched across my face. Dean Winchester, ever the overbearing son of a bitch.

After a few simple words, spoken in some very broken Hebrew, which I pretty much slaughtered with enunciation, Cas was able to enter the small safehouse with little to no side effects. (I had to try twice to get it right and the first time reaching over the barrier he burnt his fingers). Dean dropped the bag he had taken out of the car and Cas looked around, checking out every warding sigil on the wall.

“Well, this is definitely a five-star establishment, Porter, where did you find this again?” Dean grinned as I punched him on the arm. I could feel his eyes on me as I moved towards the back of the room and tapped on the wall a little before the panel pushed open and it revealed a small bedroom, the other side of the room was a fully stocked kitchen. I watched as his teasing smile turned to a full grin. “I take that back, I think you picked a great spot.”

“We’re not staying long, Dean,” I laughed and shrugged. “Just long enough for Danni and Sam to not be able to follow the car or the phones. We need to throw them off a little. The rest area itself is pretty remote.”

“You honestly think Sammy wouldn’t think of heading this way?” He stepped into the bedroom where I was standing and looked me over as I emptied the first-in bag and the small duffel he had brought in for me on the bed. 

“Did you?” I looked up at him out of the corner of my eye as I tossed a bra on the bed and listened to him huff. Before I knew what was happening, I was turned to face him and his arms were around me. Looking up at him, I watched that evil Dean grin cross his face. “What are you doing?” But, I already regretted asking, “Never mind, whatever you think you’re going to do, rethink it Winchester.”

“Sammy said to send you a kiss,” he whispered and I watched all the joking fade from his face as his hand came up and touched my skin gently, but as I was preparing for the worst possible scenario, he pulled me closer and kissed me solidly on the cheek before holding me closer and I felt his breath against my ear. “You said to stop, so I’m stopping, Sam’s request or not, I’ll wait on you to do it again.”

“Is this one of our little things now?” I smiled as I wrapped around him and Dean laughed. 

“No, it’s just following your lead.” He shrugged and turned so that he sat on the bed, pulling me down to straddle his lap, which let me hold onto him tighter. “I’m not going to hurt you with this, and I’m going to make damn sure not to hurt Danni, so we’re going to work on it, okay, work on us.”

“First thing we have to work on,” I whispered, placing my hands against his chest as I pushed back and looked down between us, “is probably not sitting like this.”

“Yeah,” he said as he suddenly cleared his throat and let me go, watching me slide off his lap as I moved back to the bag I was repacking. “So, what are you looking for?”

“My Gram’s grimoire.” I mumbled.

“You know it’s not going to fit in that bag right?” He stated sarcastically and I stopped looking, looked up at that wall and turned throwing a rolled up pair of socks at him, or at least I thought they were socks until he held up a pair of barely-there panties. Quickly I snatched them away as he smiled widely. “Why would you be looking for it in there?”

“It has a locator spell on it,” I mumbled as I continued to look through the bag, “the problem is, I wrote it on a paper the size of a business card and tossed it in here.”

“Smooth move.” he winked.

“Shut up,” I growled and shook my head, mumbled: “dick,” under my breath and watched as he smiled out of the corner of my eye. He leaned back on the bed and pulled the folded letter from his pocket, holding it between two fingers, he reached out and handed it to me. I bit down on my lip before taking a breath and locking my eyes on his. “Thank you.”

“So, this place,” Dean started, ignoring the way I slipped the paper into my back pocket before I moved to pack the bags back up again, and his eyes scanned the room, “kind of like Dad’s cabin in Winchester, keeps out all the baddies?”

“Maybe,” I shrugged, “I mean we did have to let Cas in, so maybe it is kind of like that, yeah.”

“What do you think happened to the book?” I knew he was trying to make conversation because of something else that was on his mind but I wasn’t going to pry, figured he would ask when he was ready.

“Honestly,” I took a breath and clenched my teeth, “I think Sam gave it to Crowley.”

Dean stood, towering over me as if it mattered and in my peripheral I saw his hands clench. “What? Why the hell would Sam do that?”

“Why do we do anything, Dean?” I questioned, but it was a flat response before I zippered the bag and turned to him. “We have all done something stupid and reckless to keep the four of us together, hell you and I have done it more times than the others, so why not let Sam have his turn.  It doesn’t matter anyway, I memorized it.”

“Wait, you memorized your gram’s grimoire? When? How?” he sounded shocked that I could do that but hey, writer, I remember every story I had ever written, what’s another book on the pile. Cas came into the room, leaning against the door with his hands in his jean pockets.  “Ali, that kind of book isn’t the best thing to have sitting in Crowley’s chubby little fingers.”

“I get that, but what can I do?” I stared up at him and shook my head. “Sam is going to do what he feels right to help us out, to help figure out this whole curse/spell thing we have on us, no matter what Cas says about it being permanent. So, like you said, angel or demon, it doesn’t matter, if it’s going to go south, and it probably will, it will go that way whether we do something about it or not.”

I stood and went to walk by, taking lead out of the room before Dean turned and looked at me. “And the memorizing?”

“The night that Cas decided a porno was a good form of entertainment,” I smiled and watched the angel blush. “Couldn’t concentrate on a single spell, so I just memorized all of them.”

“We never did finish that conversation,” Cas grinned as his hand came up across my stomach to my hip and I looked up at him as he teased.

“Okay, so what? You got bored with the book so you decided to jump on Cas?”  Ooh, you had to love the little jealous streak the Winchester had in him but I shook my head. “And can we not talk about how he got up when the two of you were together?”

“I memorized the book, Dean,” I replied and turned to lean back against Cas, whose arm just snaked tighter, “I didn’t jump on Cas.”

“You didn’t stop looking though,” he growled and moved past us to the main room of the house. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Why the hell did that bother him so much? 

“Okay, look, let’s just jump off this topic,” and that got me a roll of his eyes, “We’ll just slip onto a new one,” that time a growl, “I mean, we’re all grown-ups here, it’s not like we can’t just put our heads together and come up with something a little more satisfying.”

“Alright! Enough!” he snapped but I couldn’t help the smile on my face. Dean looked between the two of us and shook his head. It took him a few minutes to get his thoughts on straight before he shook it off and headed towards the kitchen. 

I slipped away from Cas, winked at the angel and headed towards the bathroom, just as the pain in my hand began to intensify. It had been growing more unbearable as I searched through the bag, but when Dean pulled away, the moment he stepped away and headed into the other room, the fire beneath my skin flared. 

“Calm down,” I whispered, as I tried running it under the cold water in the bathroom, but that did nothing but make my muscles tighten up around it. “Okay, okay,” I whispered and pressed into it with my thumb, “we’re going to have to get you out soon.” I drew in a deep breath and stared at myself in the mirror. “Great, I’m talking to a stone in my hand.”

I walked out quietly, watched Dean in the kitchen for a little bit. The way he smiled as he made his way through a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was just a little side of Dean that you rarely saw, like a kid in a candy store… or hell, just him being a kid.  He even offered one to Cas, who politely refused before making a face as the older Winchester shrugged and went back to his “craft”.

It was as this whole little scene was taking place that the burning in my hand became too much. I bit my lip, held my tongue and pressed solidly on the spot where the ball had heated up in the muscles that surrounded it. I breathed through the pain as Cas narrowed his eyes at me, but I gave him a wink and walked back to the room, grabbing the small travel kit with the tweezers in it, stopping only in the bathroom to grab a handful of paper towels, before I scooted out the backdoor, keeping an eye on the two who were now laughing at some joke that Dean had made.

The pain was flaring up my shoulder, racing towards my heart as sweat seemed to pour down my face, I couldn’t wipe my eyes enough to keep from having to blink through it, and the weather outside had nothing to do with the way my body felt.  Picking a spot far enough away from the building, under a pine tree, I glanced around at the wards, making sure that everything was in place because if they weren’t, this power could send out a beacon that drew every supernatural creature in a twenty mile radius right on our heads.

I set things out, peroxide, bandages, the paper towels and the kit, but when I slipped the demon blade out from my belt, the shock that went through me was almost enough to put me down.

“Jesus, okay, I’m working on it,” I grumbled out loud, like the thing in my hand was paying any kind of attention. My hands began to shake as I slipped the paper out of my pocket and set it on the ground before me.  Reading over the instructions, because, yeah leave it to John to get me a way out, I could only shake my head. “Oh, this is gonna hurt.”

I held out my right hand, took a look around the empty field and then held my left hand over the top of it.  Inhaling and exhaling to get a flow, to relax enough to let everything out, I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.

“ Portionis meæ, relinquo vobis vinculum a me,”  _ I release your bond from me, _ I whispered, feeling the pain nip at the artery in my neck and I stifled a moan as I continued, the pain flashing over Sam’s mark, tingling on the bruise there.  _ As I wish it, I set you free.  _ “Ut volo, me liberabit vos.”

There was a roar in the wind, like a demon had been released somewhere in the world and it’s freedom cry echoed over the land. My body stiffened, every muscle in it going tight as I clenched my teeth and grabbed the demon blade. My hands, at best, were shaky, but still stable enough to bring that point down along the same line I had cut into the flesh before.

Not closing my eyes this time, not wanting to mess up, go too deep or not deep enough, I watched it slice down into the skin. 

“Son of a Bitch!” I growled and let the blade slide down. 

You wouldn’t think butter when you thought of how a knife cut through muscle, but that was it, that was exactly how this one worked, it just slipped in, but the pain was excruciating and I found myself gasping for breath. The blood began to flow, cascading over my hand and I tried to wipe it away but balancing a knife on your chin as you dabbed at the wound it was lodged in did nothing for the pain.

An inch slice, right down to where it nicked the pebble was just about all I could take and I dropped the blade beside me, grabbing a towel to put pressure on the wound.  That was when I heard it, the slamming of the door to the shack and as my vision faded in and out, the rush of pain now replaced by a rush of power, I swayed back as I looked up at the two figures that moved towards me.

Arms were around me from behind, one wrapping around my waist to pull me back against him as the other reached forward, pressing down on the seeping wound. I could feel Dean, the way his body seemed to vibrate but it was Castiel, as he knelt before me, that I had to close my eyes to. He was a blinding blue light, just like his eyes when he went all authoritative angel.

“Cas,” I whispered, trying to catch my breath as my free hand, just as bloody as the one with the open slice gripped Dean’s lower arm. “Dial it down, man, you left your billion watt bulb on.”

“What the hell is going through your head?” Dean growled from behind.

“You shouldn’t have done this alone.” Cas added, his own voice deep with pissed off vibes.

“There’s a lot of things I shouldn’t do,” I smiled, but I could almost feel the fight fading from me, until that rush of power, combined with a thousand milliamps from the world’s largest stun gun, shook my body into convulsions, but I waited for it to pass, before I let go of Dean and grabbed Cas by the shirt. “Grab the tweezers, you need to get it out.”

“Ali,” he said, his eyes going to the mess by my legs, “this is completely unsanitary.”

“Cas, get the Goddamned pebble out of my fucking hand!” I snapped and watched his eyes flash towards Dean’s before he slid the small stainless steel grooming tool from the pack. Placing my hand on his lap, he held it firmly in place as he separated the skin so that he could have a better view. “Do it, Cas, please.”

“While this makes me very uncomfortable…” he started but I tried my best to sneer at him, and he shut up.

I watched the end of it slide down between the fold and as the cold metal turned blazing hot, I started to see darkness, with familiar white spots.  I hoped for unconsciousness as he dug around trying to find the small pebble, one that I had stuffed in there with the end of a Q-tip, and I could feel myself slipping.

“Easy, baby,” Dean whispered to me, his breath close to my ear as he brushed back my hair. “Stay with me, Kid, he’s almost done.”

“Dean,” I managed to breath out between my jaw clenching in pain, “how many times have I told you not to call me baby? I’m not… your damned car!”

“I could call you honey-pie, would that work?” He joked.

“Only if you want my elbow in your sack.” I said dryly and felt him laugh as his lips grazed my face, because we all know that kisses fix everything. At least until the angel who is doing minor surgery finds the damn stone and rips a scream from the bottom of your lungs. Okay it wasn’t a scream, but it could have been.

“Hey, hey, Ali, come on, sweetheart,” Dean’s voice was frantic and I could only imagine what the scene looked like as Cas held my bleeding hand and dug, but soon, I felt that metal move and with it came some relief. I let my body relax, leaning back against Dean’s strong chest as I did so and listened to the strained words of encouragement, until he came out with, “Christ, Ali, all this drama for that?”

Jesus, you had to love that man.

“Now the issue is how to heal it,” Cas sighed, “it’s too deep for stitches, you would have to do at least some internal and we don’t have that equipment.”

“You’re an angel, for Pete’s sake, Cas, just heal her.” Dean griped.

“He can’t,” I whispered, letting my cheek rest against him, “it’s a spell from a demon, remember, there isn’t much he can do about it without the God…”

“Those freaking blades!” Dean snapped, but then he stopped. “Ali, heal yourself,” he pleaded softly and this got my eyes to at least flutter open as I stared at Cas, the angel not giving me any sign that he might actually agree with the man behind me. “I know you think it’s gone, but I know you, you’re just as stubborn as the rest of us, so if the magic is still there, you can heal that.”

“I don’t know, Dean,” yeah it might have sounded a little whiny but I was tired, and bleeding and I just wanted to sleep. 

“Hey,” his breath brushed my ear, “I have faith in you, I’ll even hold your hand.”

“Asshole, you are holding my hand,” I groaned and tried to sit up a bit, but I could feel him boost me up, still pressed against my lap as he held me tight. “I might have to draw on you.”

“So, what, you’re going to suck the magic from me?” Dean grinned against me, wide enough that I could feel his cheeks rising, “you know, I’m probably the least magical creature you’ll ever come across.”

“As soon as you became part of the supernatural world, Dean, you became magic.” I whispered, turning my head to look at him the best I could, “didn’t you know that?”

“What, the knowing about what goes bump in the night makes you the same thing? No, I’ll pass on that knowledge,” he sighed as he turned away, but leaned into kiss his cheek, let my lips brush the stubble there.

“It doesn’t make you one of them, it just gives you the magic to see them, to fight them. There are always sides, two, three sides at most. Good and evil, they all have their magic, and then there’s that spot right in the middle, that gray area, that is the hunters, those who chose the path they’re on.”

“I didn’t choose it,” his voice was deep with anger and I know what he was thinking.

“It chose you, Dean,” Cas added, and I turned to face the angel, who was still putting pressure on the wound.  “It needed a warrior like you, like Sam, someone to fight, to find the good and bad in everything, so it chose you, like it did with Ali, and Danni.”

“Next thing you’re going to tell me is that it was Heaven’s choice,” he also turned his sights on Cas, “well you know I never wanted that part of my life. Heaven and Hell dicking around with my future.”

“Heaven didn’t make it either, Dean, they saw an opportunity and they took it,” Cas shrugged.

“So, like I’ve been saying douchebags with wings,” And I smiled as this because Cas’ clamped his jaw shut and shook his head. “Except you,” which got the blue-eyed man to stare at his friend. “Probably the only set of wings that isn’t a douche.”

“Okay, enough of the tender-loving bromance,” I smiled, and felt Dean shift behind me. “The power I need, Dean, it might hurt.”

“I can take it, Kid,” he sighed, pressing his cheek against mine again. “Do whatcha gotta.”

Taking a deep breath, I raised my left hand over my right and watched as Cas moved the towel. Instantly the blood began to run once more. I swallowed hard, trying to keep focused as I concentrated on the wound. 

“Rentem, fuere, obligatione tenentur claude vulnere curaret tempore,” I whispered, they were just words, just things that popped into my head.  _ knit, stitch, bound and bind, close this wound, heal in time. _ A stupid little set of words that seemed to do nothing at first, but as I continued to repeat them, I could feel the flesh inside start to move. “Oh, God.”

“What?” Dean questioned, worry filling his voice as I moved my left hand and gripped his thigh. That was when the magic started to flow, when I could feel the pull from him, a white light that seeped in under my fingers. “Holy crap, what is that?”

“A transfer of magic,” Cas whispered, and he seemed to be in awe of whatever he was watching, which was something I wasn’t seeing because I had my eyes tightly shut. I took a deep breath as the fire burned through my hand and the cool light of Dean moved up from my fingers to my arm. “What does it feel like?”

“Sex,” he groaned, and I mean literally made a sound like he was about to explode. “The best sex ever.”

“Stop,” I laughed as he got closer and moaned in my ear, making me shiver, but it took my thoughts from the pain of the sealing wound. Just as the last piece of skin seemed to slip shut, and the pain disappeared, I slowly uncurled my fingers from his leg, but his hand came down to stop me from moving it, which I smiled at. “It’s done, Dean, I’m not drawing off you anymore.”

“It maybe, but I’m not,” his voice was almost inaudible as his forehead rested on my shoulder and his fingers dug into my hip as he held me there. 

“Don’t do THAT on my back,” I closed my eyes as Cas just looked at me questioningly.

“I’ll leave you two be,” he whispered and was suddenly gone.

Dean laughed as he picked his head up and rested his chin on my shoulder. 

“That was mean,” I smiled and felt him shrug. 

“I was just getting him back for the porno talk.” I heard the smug laugh in his voice as he let go of my hand and moved his fingers over my arm, pulling me back against him as he leaned on the tree. “Why didn’t you tell me about the stone? About the spell? You could have died.”

“Do you know how many times I asked you to do just that?” I sighed, and ran my fingers over the fine hair on his arm, as I rested my head back on his chest. “It was just supposed to dilute the powers enough so that the blade cut me, and then I was supposed to take it out, face what was inside of me.”

“The edge of a blade? Cause that’s what was sticking out of you,” he growled and I found myself taking a deep breath. “You know, I get it, though I probably should just haul off and let you have a good tongue-lashing, but I get that you wanted to save us, Al, I just wish you would have done it a little bit differently.”

“By telling you everything, right?” I smiled. “And exactly what kind of tongue-lashing are you getting at, and would I actually enjoy it.”

He reached over and moved my hair from my neck, exposing one side of it as his lips brushed the skin there. Contact, I thought to myself, he just needs the contact. Which was great because I could use the stability of it, but his soft little gestures, the way his lips felt, the constant brush of his skin on mine was pulling at me and I let a breath out slowly. 

“I could have taken it, you know,” his voice was deep, the way it got when he was trying to make a point, trying to not give into petty feelings, but he was ignoring my tongue-lashing comment.

“You would have just kept saying no, would have found another way, or tried.” I moved in his arms, turning so that I was kneeling in front of him and his hands dropped to my hips, holding me fast as I reached out and placed my fingers on his neck, my thumbs brushing the underside of his jaw. “Dean,” his name alone brought those green eyes to mine, “please don’t ever think it was because I didn’t trust you, because I did, with my life, but I thought I was keeping you safe, you, Sam and Danni. I thought it was the only way.”

“You never found out if there was another, because you didn’t ask for help.” That tone was nothing but scolding and I placed my forehead against his.

“I’m asking now,” I admitted, “I can’t do this alone, it’s why I sent Cas straight to you this time. Sam knew, he knew all along that it had to be you, which is why he even let me go, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to let it be. Hell, him and Danni are probably on their way to Winchester right now.”

“So what do you need me to do?” 

“I don’t know yet,” I shrugged and sat back on my heels, taking my touch away from his as I caressed his skin with the pads of my fingers. His eyes scanned the area, his body alert for anything supernatural but what he found was nothing but the tether between the two of us. I watched the confusion fill his eyes as he realized what I already knew. “We can break it still, if you want.”

“Break the tether?” he snorted, lightly, and shook his head. “It’s been months, there’s nothing left of the twine and I’m sure that Danni had pretty much covered every book in the world to find something to snap that little spell in half.”

“Then we keep it, but it’s not going to be easy,” my hands dropped away from his face. “It’s going to tie us together worse than the bond, so what do we do with Sam and Danni?”

“Same as we always have,” he whispered, reached up and touched my cheek with two of his fingers, just lightly enough so that I felt him before he gave me a slight smile. “Love them, keep them close, give them everything we can, and when we need each other, we pray they understand.”

I licked my lips, knowing he was right, but there was just something under the surface that kept me from admitting how hard that would be.  I cleared my throat, giving the field the once over before my eyes settled back on him. “We should get going.” 

“We should be doing a lot of things.” He winked and I pushed myself up to stand before I reached down and took his hand. The two of us walked in silence until just before the door when he glanced down at me. “Have you done that transfer of power before?”

“Not with anyone willing, I mean I kind of kicked Cas in the nads with it once, used it to get away from Zane a few times but no, I’ve never used it before like that.” The grin that grew on his face should have given me warning not to ask stupid questions, but it just slipped out. “Why?”

“I’d like to try it again sometime,” he winked. “It’s like the most intense orgasm without the mess, I wonder how long it would last.”

“Ain’t happening, pal.” I laughed as I dropped his hand and moved towards the door, leaving him standing. 

I heard it before I saw it, the way the rumble started and as the sky just above the small building began to darken, I turned and looked at Dean, at the way his eyes narrowed, as his brow furrowed when he turned and watched the billowing black clouds begin to block out the sun, rolling in like a white cap in the ocean and I watched him reach back an arm, fingers stretched wide, waiting for my hand, and I gave it willingly as I closed my own around him. Dean pulled me close as he glanced back and the door opened. 

Cas shook his head and his eyes locked on mine. “You need to go, you and Dean need to get back on the road, the tulpa is becoming more powerful.  _ This _ is her and she’s reaching for you.” Cas stepped out and put his hands on my shoulders, Dean pressing closer so that his arm touched the length of me. “Ali, please, don’t worry about me, and don’t tell me you’re not because I can see it in your eyes.” His eyes went to the man beside me. At the same eye level, there was nothing but silent communication between the two six-foot men and I rolled my eyes as both nodded and Dean started to tug on my hand, bringing me towards the Impala. I whipped around and looked at Cas once more. “Yes, you’re bags are in the car.”

“Christ!” I whispered, knowing just what this meant. “Cas!”

“No, go, I promise I will be right behind you.” He said softly as he took a deep breath.  Dean stopped this time, looking at the man over his shoulder and I watched the concern cross the Winchester’s face.

“You better be, or I’m going to come looking for you.” Dean threatened and I watched the corner of Cas’ lips curl up in a knowing smile.

“Of that I have no doubt, brother.” The angel replied and with that Dean gave me one last tug as we both rounded the building and ducked into the waiting car.

Dean slipped in the keys and cranked it over, letting the engine roar to life. I fastened the lap belt across me, tugged on it tightly as he backed out, threw it in drive and ripped out of the parking lot, letting the back end fishtail as we raced away from the growing darkness that seemed to engulf the station and just before it disappeared from sight, I watched the flash of bright blue. When it died down, the building was gone and only an open field remained. We had crossed the ward line and the building sheltered itself for the next hunter looking for sanctuary .


	39. DH Remembrance - 39

**Chapter 39**

A Shot in the Dark

Night seemed to have been perpetually falling whenever these stupid powers were out and about. I don’t think I remember many times during that week in June when I literally saw the light of day. It was always dark, twilight, middle of the night black and even now, as we drove along, there was nothing but moonlight-blocking darkness, like a new moon had fallen on us. The stars were gone, at least from what I could see beyond the trees that seemed to line  _ every _ road Dean turned down.

According to the signs that I was able to catch when I happened to glanced down from the treetops, we had been somewhere in the area of Portsmouth, Ohio, or at least somewhere near there with the rest stop, but now we were almost nine hours out from Winchester, taking the backroads like Dean loved to do, following along Route 50.

We were more than four hours into this haul when I was shaken from my little non-stargazing as the car swerved quickly then straightened. I quickly turned in the seat and looked at Dean. His arm was out on the wheel, but even though his eyes were straight as an arrow, they also seemed to fade as his head slowly dipped forward and the car yanked again.

Reaching out a leg, I kicked at his thigh with my socked foot, shaking him from whatever daze he was in as he looked at me in anger.

“Dude!” I broke out the irritation, “what the hell, keep her on the road or pull off!”

“What? I’m wide freaking awake, Ali, what’s your issue?” Dean growled and this made me shake my head, and I chanced unbuckling as his eyes got wide. “What are you doing?”

Sliding over, I pressed my chest against his side and my lips against his cheek before I clenched my teeth. “You’re exhausted, Winchester, so pull the freaking car over or let me drive.”

“There is no way in hell you are driving my car!” he snapped but I felt the car slow, and suddenly we were finding our way off the road and into a small turn-around where he threw it in park and before he could unbuckle, I slid over so that I locked him down in the seat, my knees on either side of his hips, but his eyes closed and he put his head back as his hands came down to my thighs. His voice was light and airy as he spoke, which told me he was definitely tired. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting out to put some wards up,” I smiled and put my hands on the backrest on either side of his head, his eyes half-laden with sleep already as he tried to stare me down.

“No, what I meant was, why are you sitting on my lap?” He wanted to growl, wanted it to be forceful, or sexy or something that I just smiled at, but it wasn’t… it was a tired man’s voice and all I could do was stare at the bags under his eyes and worry on his brow before I reached up to smooth it away with a touch, one that instantly got him to close those green eyes.

“I have to get out of the car, Dean, and you parked as close to a tree on my side as humanly possible, so I need to get out somehow,” I whispered, but I had closed the distance, nearly brushing his lips with mine, but it wasn’t to kiss him, it was to judge his reaction and just as I thought, the response from him was a resounding  _ hmm _ as his lips went just a little slack and he drifted into a light sleep. 

Yep, such a badass man!  

I slipped out of the car, taking the keys out of the ignition and slipping them on a spot where I knew he would find them without issue, but I didn’t want to leave them stuck there. I managed to grab the first-in bag from the trunk, took the Walther and slipped it in the back of my jeans, and then grabbed the small Sage smudge that I kept in there and the Spectrum blade. 

I think it was time to make this car disappear.

The wards could be simple or complex, depending on your skill level and the amount of magic you put behind them. Apparently, it helped to have a little bit of extra higher/lower power help because as I set them, as I cast the sigils in the dirt and said the words, I felt the power radiate from me and smiled as the shimmer seemed to distort the world around us. I would be able to find him but right now, this entire turnaround didn’t exist to the outside.

It was then that I felt it, like a pull at my darkness, something inside me just made me jump. If it could explain it, I would say it was like a tickle under the skin, something that wanted to crawl out of my skin but that was before I could pinpoint it, and once I did, that annoying pull turned into a come-hither feeling that made me gave just a little smirk before I stepped into the woods just past the tailgate of the car. 

Glancing inside before I really disappeared, I saw Dean turned to lean on the door and his feet up as much as he could on Baby’s front seat, his arms crossed over his chest as his lips lay parted. I couldn’t help but smile at him. The only time I had ever truly seen peace in that man’s eyes was on the road surrounded by us, with the wheels twirling under him, the smell of the road and the sound of the engine giving him a rhythm that his body vibrated on.

I just wanted to stand there and memorize the serenity on his face forever, but I knew that I needed to follow my gut, and taking a deep breath, I turned and walked away from the car, deeper into the thick canvas of trees. 

Ever been to Narnia? Hmm, me either, but I would suspect that this was what it felt like. The trees only got thicker, the underbrush higher and I was tempted to take out the spectrum and start swinging to get through but just as it got to the point where I could barely make headway, it thinned and I could hear water running.

The embankment wasn’t at all steep and the clearing at the bottom was a natural spot washed away from when the small creek rose during the winter, taking everything with it when the waters rushed by, everything but the large rocks and that was where I found him. The head of black hair blended in with the black wool coat, and I shook my head as I approached, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

“Are you following me?” I asked with snark as I grabbed the rock close enough to him that looked comfortable enough to sit on.

“You use your powers so flippantly, it’s hard not to follow you,” he said with that drawal that almost made me question if he was actually scolding me or just voicing his opinion. “Are you trying to attract all manner of monsters?”

“Is that what this does, act like a beacon?” I questioned and watched him finally turn to look at me. He eyed me over, gave a frown that told me something along the lines of  _ what do I know _ , and then went back to the water. “So, if you don’t know, or care, what are you doing here?”

“You removed the stone.” Crowley stated, sitting up straighter and I smiled at this because I was waiting for him to tell me something, anything that I didn’t know.  “Please tell me that’s not your game plan for fighting this thing?”

“What removing the annoying little piece of the planet that was stuck in my hand, that literally felt like it was burning me from the inside out?” His eyes focused on mine as I raised a brow. This was the oddest interaction he and I had ever had and I had no idea why.  “No, it had nothing to do with the tulpa or whatever the hell she is.”

“You just wanted the power,” he blinked, and when I say blinked, it was like a long, drawn out, full of lust at the thought of the feeling of it kind of blink… totally weird. “Now you’re starting to act like a Winchester, Love, or more of a Porter on that point.”

“I am a Porter, jackass!” I snarked and watched that corner of his lip push up the bushy cheeks making his eyes narrow.

“Yes, but you are so much more,” was his reply and oh how I hated a cryptic Crowley. “There’s a trick to defeating a tulpa that isn’t just burning the place to the ground like a Winchester would,” he started and turned on the rock to face me completely. Without touching me, he threaded his hands together and rested his elbows on his thighs, my knees between his legs. “There is link that keeps the brazen little minx locked here, and it’s not Dean that helped create it.”

“Okay, are you trying to get on my nerves?” I questioned, I had to, everything he said seemed to be a riddle. 

“You need to get over your need for Dean Winchester and look at the bigger picture, Pet, not everything revolves around him.” 

“What is it with you people and your obsession with thinking I have anything for Dean?” I growled and watched the smile creep up on his face. 

“We all have something for Dean, Love, in some way, shape or form, yours just runs a little deeper.” I wanted to punch him, outright deck him but I clenched my hands together and sighed. 

“So what exactly is the bigger picture?” 

“How should I know?” He grumbled as he stood, “I’m just the king of hell not an amusement park psychic.”

“Crowley,” I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and stood as he walked towards the water. “What happened to my grandmother’s grimoire? Did you take it?”

“You’ll have to ask Moose. Why am I always the one at fault for you four and your stupid decisions?” He snapped and took a few steps towards me. “I love you, Angel, but sometimes I wish you got at least one swift kick in your spoiled little ass, maybe it would knock you off that pedestal that you keep teetering on.”

“Crowley… Screw you.” I growled, his little implication told me that something was really pissing him off and he was just going to hold it in, let it boil and then come at me with it one day.

“Just remember that when you need help with that one in the car.” He answered, stepping up to me. “You don’t get it, do you? The four of you always playing with lives that aren’t yours, shifting things around so you can play monster hunters and pretend to  _ need _ to keep each other safe, it’s nauseating. Pick a brother, Angel, hell pick both, but do something ballsy instead of sitting back and waiting for someone else to save you.”

“You honestly think I’m sitting back and just letting this crap happen to me?” I laughed, and waited for his face to change. “And you know what, you can be jealous all you want, I don’t have to choose anyone, I just have to straighten out what I’ve done.”

“And did you ever ask them if they wanted it straightened out?” Man, what was it with him and the freaking questions? “Did you take two seconds of your precious  _ all about Ali _ time and ask them if they wanted you to be in their lives, if they wanted you to fix them because for all your trouble, they might have liked their life without you. Moose certainly seemed too. Not a care in the world, not a little love struck wanna-be that he had to worry about. No, that one was a hunter again, doing what he did best without thoughts of you swimming around in his head.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore, I swung and felt the sting of the palm of my hand across his cheek as his head whipped to the right, just a bit before he gathered his composure and brought his eyes back to me. 

“What do you care about what I do, or how they feel? You’ve been screwing around with my life from the jump, who the hell are you to say anything?”

“I don’t need to give you a reason, or an explanation for anything I’ve done, Angel. You think the world owes you everything, but it really doesn’t. You are constantly wanting handouts to fix what you keep screwing up, but I’m through. You can stop asking.” He growled and I watched the small spot of red on his lip grow.  

“I haven’t asked for anything that wasn’t owed to me, Crowley, and you know it, plus, don’t you think you have a few decades worth of catching up to do since I’m  _ your  _ girl.” I sneered and watched his eyes darken as he looked away.

“Jones really needs to keep his mouth shut.”

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out and what does it matter if it was from Jones because it could have just as easily been from my father.” But the smile on his face told me that I didn’t know anything when it came to that.

“Your daddy would have never mentioned my name, not in passing, so it had to be Jones.” he stated, like I needed to know how much my father would have kept him secret.

“Why?” And this got him to stare at me. “Why would my father keep you such a secret?”

Crowley closed the distance, almost fast enough to knock me backwards, but I grabbed the lapel of that coat and crushed it in my fists, just to hold on. “To keep you safe.”

“Yeah, like I was totally safe before,” I whispered, feeling the power radiate off him with just the contact that I had with his coat, but when he brought his hands down to grab my waist, I thought I was going to jump out of my skin.

“You were a thousand times more protected before this, before we made contact again. You don’t know what I’ve done to keep you protected, Angel, you will never know how much I sacrificed to keep the darkness away.” Crowley whispered and his eyes locked on me. “Family isn’t always blood, sometimes it’s not even human, but you ask way too much of it at times, way too much to keep the forces balanced, and if you continue to do so, you’re going to tip the scales, and nothing good can come of that.”

“I just want my family safe.” Crowley nodded, he understood because, if I was honest with myself I would have seen it in his eyes, that all he wanted was for me to be exactly that.

“Than finish this,” he replied and suddenly he was gone. I was standing there holding onto air and the weight of his hands were gone from my skin.

“Yeah,” I whispered as I looked around the river, before taking a deep breath and heading towards the woods. “Let me get right on that.”

~~~~~

It had been quiet in the car for a very long time, the only sound beside the clicking of the keyboard that I held on my lap in the backseat, as I leaned against the door opposite Dean, was the slow deep breaths he was taking. It had been maybe two hours since we had stopped, and I tried not to make a sound. The stealth keyboard on my laptop certainly helped since it was built as quiet as they came. Writing with kids in the room sometimes called for a bit of strategy… and not letting them know you were working.

The phone on the dash was what jolted the man awake. First the vibration seemed to echo through the silence, then the sound of “Smoke on the Water” blared through the car and Dean sat upright, grabbing for the phone. I watched him place it to his ear as he seemed to completely ignore the fact that I was even in the car.

“Sammy, what’s wrong?” There was no sleep in his voice, he was fully alert and I watched him reach for the keys, but his fingers clenched together as his eyes shifted and rested on me. I bit down on my lip, as I looked up at him from under my lashes before going back to the document I was working on.

I could hear Sam’s voice on the line. In such a quiet enclosed space it seemed to echo.  “What’s wrong Dean, is that you stole my girlfriend.”

“I didn’t steal your girl, she stole herself! It’s not my fault that I had to come find her and haul her ass to Virginia.” Dean growled and then stifled a yawn as he relaxed back against the door. “Wait, where are you?”

“Have you ever ridden in the car with Danni?” There was a pause on the line as Dean fumbled with his words, but Sam saved him the trouble. “Think about you wanting to find me and kick my ass, now times it times ten and be thankful that I’m not a freaking girl. And we’ve been in Winchester for over two hours. What happened?”

“Jesus, what time is it?” Dean ran a hand down his face and looked over at me as I raised a brow and stopped typing. “Ali kind of hijacked the car and made me pull over.”

“Good.” The younger one sighed.

“Good?” Dean barked. “You’re asking me where the hell I am and when I tell you she basically carjacked me, you say good?”

“I’m going to assume she stole the keys too?” Sam laughed and I smiled as Dean went hunting for the two silver items. He turned and looked at me when he found them, scowled and swiped them from the dash. “You needed it, Dean, you’ve been exhausted trying to keep up with everything. Sleep doesn’t hurt, you know.”

“Why are you not pissed off?” He was just a little confused by this whole thing and I heard Sam sigh.

“She’s safe, Dean, she’s with you.” Sam answered, but I could hear him exhale. I could imagine him standing there with a hand on his hip and the phone to his ear, switching the weight on his legs, and I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my lips. I really wish he was there with me. “Danni and I are waiting at the hotel, just get here when you can… safely.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean rolled his eyes. “How is she? Danni, I mean, is she okay?”

“She’s pissed, probably beyond pissed, but she’s holding up.”

“Good,” Dean whispered as his eyes took on this far away look, but he smiled.

“Hey, is she there?” Sam questioned, and I smiled as Dean sighed and shook his head.

“No, Sammy, I left her at the rest stop I found her in,” he snarked and passed the phone over the seat. I took it gently from his hand as he grabbed the pack of cigarettes, popped one out and reached for the door.

“Don’t go past where the dirt meets the road,” I spoke up, his eyes locking on mine as the one brow came up to question why. “It’s not safe, the wards stop at the asphalt.” Dean gave me just a little nod and disappeared out the door. Taking a breath, I put the phone to my ear and waited for just a second. “Hey, baby.”

“Ali,” Sam huffed, “what the hell were you thinking?”

“What?” I smiled, “I had my Team Sam anti-possession socks on, I was perfectly safe from demons.”

This got him to pause, but I almost burst out laughing when he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, your what?”

“Socks, Sam, they’re just socks.” I placed the laptop on the back deck and sunk down in the seat, my head resting on the blanket that I had rolled up as a pillow to support the rest of me and pad the door.  “I’m fine, Sam, honestly, I wouldn’t have disappeared if I didn’t know it was warded.”

“Still, Ali,” his voice was soft as he whispered, “I knew you were going but…”

“Didn’t expect it to be that fast… yeah, me either.” I placed my arm up behind my head, and closed my eyes, loving the sound of his breathing in my ear, imagining him next to me. “Are you alone?”

“Danni is in the bathroom at the moment, why?” But I could hear the need in his voice, the need to connect, to be close.

“Nothing, I just want to hear you.” I sighed, and crossed my legs, even as they stretched out on the seat.  I knew Dean was somewhere close, the ward kept him from going far but it wasn’t Dean that I  _ wanted _ at that moment, it was Sam.  “If I could curl up with you right now…”

“Dean’s there.” Sam stated quietly.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that.” And that came out like a growl, unintentionally.

“Because of how you feel about him?” Why was Sam whispering?

“Because he’s your brother,” I sighed, “and you’re the one I want. Seriously, Sam, I love Dean, I do, but I want you, I’m in love with you.”

“And I get that, but I’m not there right now, so cuddle up with Dean, get some sleep, a couple hours at least.”

“And throw off our schedule even more?” 

“You sound exhausted.” How the hell could he be so observant so far away?  “And when did you get a schedule?”

Okay, so he had a point, but I wasn’t going to actually agree with the man who was trying to get me to bunker down with his brother in the backseat of the impala.

I ran my hand across my forehead and took a deep breath, but he was right, I was exhausted. I needed to sleep. God only knows how long I had been up for and what kind of power I had actually used with the wards, 

“Ali,” his voice whispered and I swore he was sitting next to me but when my eyes opened the phone was sitting on my chest, the speaker was on and I heard his light laugh across the line. “Let me talk to Dean.”

“Yeah,” I said, blinking and I sat up slowly, looking at the back of the tan shirt that leaned on the window. I’m sure he could have heard his brother outside the window but it wasn’t until I tapped on the glass with the phone that Dean turned around. Sticking his head in the front window, I took a deep breath and raised a brow as he reached in and took the phone from me.

I’m not sure of the conversation, in fact, I wasn’t sure of just about anything at that moment. Hearing Sam’s voice had relaxed me enough that I had fallen asleep on him, which never happened, and even now, knowing that Dean was right outside the car with him on the phone, my mind relaxed. Apparently I relaxed enough to fall back into a light sleep and it wasn’t until a hand gently pushed me onto my side that I even noticed the car was moving or the door had opened.

Blinking rapidly to get rid of the haze that covered my sight, I turned my head to look at Dean who was shimmying up between me and the backseat of the car. I scowled at this slick move of his but the only thing he did in return was smile.

“Sorry, Kid, just following orders.” he whispered as his lips came down, a breath away from my ear and his arm slid under my neck, as his hand rested on my stomach, pulling me closer as he molded to me.

“When did you start following orders?” I laughed, but I was serious, what the hell had Sam said to him. I mean Dean was protective but never like this. He would have been the one that wanted to be on the road, getting this moving, not lying in the backseat watching me sleep.

“You ever hear Sammy growl?” he questioned and that itself made me shift. “Yeah, you have, pretty terrifying thing when it isn’t meant to get you off, and I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him.” His voice was deep and mesmerizing, and I turned my head towards it bringing those lips closer “I promised to keep you safe, and if it means keeping you here for a few hours, I’m good with that.”

“You just want to say you slept with me.” I smiled, but it vaguely came out as words and he chuckled, his body moving with the laugh.

“I have been since April, tell me now what the difference is?” He retorted and I felt my body shiver. He was right, we had been in this position more than once and couldn’t use that joke as an excuse.

“In the backseat of Baby, pretty sure that hasn’t happened before. The Escape, maybe, but not this car.” I kept going with it, trying not to lose the battle with the heavy feeling that filled my mind as my hand traveled down the seat to find his, lacing my fingers together the best they could with his.  “I don’t want to dream, Dean.”

“I know, and I’ll be here when you wake up, I’ll try to keep the monsters away.” He was trying to be reassuring but the only thing I needed to know was that he wasn’t going anywhere, that his warmth would be there when I woke up. “Go to sleep, Ali, it will be alright.”

“Dean,” I know I said his name, maybe it came out more like a whisper, maybe it didn’t come out at all but I felt him pull me closer as the darkness fell over me and I was pulled down into that weight.

~~~~~

_ It didn’t stay dark for very long, in fact, it got bright really quick. Like a flash I was standing in the middle of the town I grew up in, I mean really in the middle of it. As the car horn blared, a hand reached out and grabbed my arm, yanking me from the middle of the street and I turned and looked at Danni.  _

_ She wasn’t much older than what I remembered from the last dream and I took a deep breath, back into a memory, but the fact that I could tell the difference seemed to bother me deep down. Looking down at myself, I would gather I was somewhere in my teens, that awkward stage between when you’re body figured out what it wanted to do, and actually making the decision to do it. Yep, that was me, but my thoughts didn’t stay on the way I looked, nope, it was drawn to the rumble of a car that moved through the stop sign up the road. _

_ Just as quickly as it passed, I reached down and grabbed Danni’s hand, moving up the empty street with purpose, exactly what that was, i wasn’t sure, but I had to know if the boys in that car were the ones my life had made me constantly run into. Two things ran through my head at that point. One, why was I in my town, when the last memory I had we were at my grandmother’s and two, John would have known where we lived, so if he didn’t want Sam exposed to anything, why come here. Oh wait, did I mention that, three, what the hell was Danni doing here? _

_ Okay, so this wasn’t one of the best memories I had because everything was screwed up but I still wanted to know what my subconscious was telling me. As I crossed the street, ducked between two buildings and peeked around at the Impala that sat alone in the parking space, I realized that I had lost Danni somewhere along the line and I was standing alone. Day had turned to night and here I was playing spy on someone I knew to be dangerous. _

_ The large, strong hand that fell on my shoulder made me jump a foot, but instinct, whether from now or then, I’m not sure, had me swinging before I knew it, and my fist connected with the hard muscle of a stomach, getting a “umph” from the man I was now looking up at. _

_ I backed up as John’s eyes locked on mine and confusion took over. I remembered him, though I was pretty sure I shouldn’t at that point. I remembered every interaction I had ever had with him, the river the most but there were other small times that he had came into my life. _

_ “You shouldn’t be here,” he warned, and his voice was just the way I remembered it. I smiled, like a smartass and shook my head. _

_ “Mister, there are worse things than you in the dark.” I replied, and then I remembered that after the vampire bite, I was always armed. _

_ “Yeah, I know,” he whispered and sighed.  “I thought your father would be smarter than this, letting you out at night alone.” _

_ “It’s not that he’s letting me,” I confessed but not absolutely sure why. “There’s just something about the night that…” I stopped and looked back at the car. “Nice Impala, why are you alone?” _

_ “I’m not, my sons are around here somewhere, but you… you need to go home. Tonight is not the best night to be out.” John being protective, that was kind of odd.  I watched him look back into the darkness between the buildings, before his hand reached up and wrapped around my upper arm. “Come on, I’m going to take you home.” _

_ “And what about your boys? Shouldn’t you stay and protect them?” I growled as I let him pull me towards the car. Once he had me sitting in the seat, he closed the door and leaned into it, looking at me like I was some sort of demon. _

_ “I am.” He answered. John walked around the side of the car, jumped into the driver’s seat and started her up. NOW I remember this memory, it was the very first time that the feel of the car was ingrained in my mind.  “They’re safe, they’re soldiers and they’re good boys, but they don’t need to be around you. You’ll only get them killed.” _

_ I was silent the entire ride, never told him where my address was, didn’t bother to even take my eyes off him as he drove. Nope, I remembered him from my grandmother’s house, from the river, from some interactions that I couldn’t quite pull to the surface yet but I definitely knew him. _

_ He stopped just down the hill from the driveway, reached across the seat and popped open the door. _

_ “Out!” He ordered, but there was definitely a bit of a Dad voice in that one word. I huffed, rolling my eyes and slipped out before turning towards him and leaning in, narrowing my eyes at him. “You need to keep yourself safe. I know the night calls to you, Alison, but seriously, stay inside the next few nights, at least until the moon starts fading.” _

_ “Are you hunting a werewolf or something?” I questioned and I watched the shock on his face. “Supernatural stuff doesn’t bother me.” _

_ “No, but it can kill you, so just stay inside.” He was begging. John Winchester was begging and even as it went against everything in me, I nodded. I agreed and slowly backed away from the car, closing the door as I watched his eyes stay locked on mine until he pulled out of the turnaround and drove away. _

~~~~~

I breathed in deeply, my eyes flying open and I looked around. Just in time to see the sun peeking through the trees. It was still early morning. Trying to get my heart under control was definitely a lot harder than my breathing but I felt Dean press against me, his breath on my neck and I knew that neither of them were helping the heart rate situation at all. I moved slowly, turning over in his arms and found myself looking at his peaceful eyes, his parted lips and I bit down on mine. 

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?! At least that was what I wanted to yell at my brain for the images that suddenly were threatening to come to the surface. NOPE, not kissing Dean again, not wanting to kiss Dean again, not needing to kiss Dean AGAIN! 

Crap!

A power surged through me as I reached out my hand, my fingers just breaths away from his face, and I could feel the heat of his skin. It was like a pulse that just vibrated through me, and I could hear his heartbeat. Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes against the urge and suddenly I was flashed back to that one moment in time where I was standing over him.

_ I growled against his lips, a deep-throated thing that made me sound possessive, and suddenly I backed away, releasing him from my hold and with my body exhausted and fighting to stay standing, I wiped the blood from under my lips with the back of my hand.  His eyes were locked on mine, searching for something human and I let the power flicker across, let the vision change to see that I wasn’t coming back, not anytime soon and his eyes went wide. _

_ “Next time, Dean, I won’t take that blade away, so stop listening to my heart, stop following that vibration.  Because the next time you and I meet like this, you better be ready to use that blade, Ali won’t be here anymore!” I turned and stumbled, but caught myself as I moved into the darkness, leaving him sitting there, healed enough to move, but shocked enough to be frozen in his spot. _

I remembered it exactly how it happened, I remembered everything about Virginia but that part, that little bit of intimate touch, it wasn’t supposed to be like that, it wasn’t supposed to draw me closer. That was me trying to push Dean away, so why did it feel like we had sealed a deal? A demon and a human, a contract for your soul when your ten years were up?

In the car, I blinked, shivered, and moved my hand from his face, never meeting the goal of actual contact, but I could feel his chest rise against me, almost sense that he was staring at me under half-laden eyes and when I looked up from his lips, I found that emerald green locked on me.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered, as I shook more, trying to hold back what was going on inside me as the flash of power crossed my vision and I heard him gasp, just a little. “Ali, look at me.”

“I am,” I snapped.

“No, you’re not!” He snapped and he was right, all I was seeing was the way the world around him darkened, the way the red pulsed through veins and the way his body shifted with a strange light. “Stop looking through me and start looking at me.”

“I can’t,” I struggled to even get my voice under control as the feeling of him being so close set me off. I tried to push away, but the hand around my waist only tightened and the one that was under my neck came around, moving my hair from my shoulder to that he could have some sort of connection. “Dean, don’t touch me, please, just let me go.”

“Can’t do that, Kid, not until you get it under control.” he spoke softly, like I was some sort of traumatized adolescent. 

But I wasn’t traumatized, I was wanting… wanting badly and with him so close it was hard to resist.

“Dean, please,” begging was not above me at this point because no matter how hard I tried to push away, he tugged me closer, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You think you can take me?” He laughed, the little shit laughed!

I moaned at his words and felt his body stiffen. “You don’t know how much I want to.”

“Yeah, well this ain’t over yet and we haven’t figured out Danni or Sam so there is no taking of anyone at this point, Sweetheart.” He growled back, suddenly getting the point of what was going on, and just as quickly as his voice changed to a commanding tone, I found myself under him on the warmth of the seat. Shocked at the turn of events, I stared up at him, the red haze fading as my lips parted and he stared down, hand on my hip, other fisted by my ear.  “Reign in your demon, Ali, get her back behind your wall before you do something monumentally stupid.”

“This coming from a Winchester who wants nothing more than his girl and his brother’s.” WHAT THE HELL? I heard the deep voice from my own body, the one that escaped my lips, I saw the flash of red and then it was all gone. Dean’s eyes darkened as he looked at me, watching me visibly begin to shake and suddenly the pain flashed through me.

I reached up and grabbed his shirt with both hands, closing my eyes tightly as I clenched my teeth. 

“Ali,” was the only thing I heard, the only sound that seemed to penetrate the sharp pain in my temple.

“Call Cas,” I whispered, pleading with him, and when I opened my eyes, I watched him sit back in shock, putting as much distance between him and I as he could without releasing his weight from my lap. “Dean, you need to call Cas.”


	40. DH Remembrance - 40

**Chapter 40**

Hey Soul Sister

 

Dean didn’t bother to move from the spot he had so graciously found, which was at the moment holding me down in the backseat of the Impala. He wasn’t going to let me go, not if I was going to run headlong into the woods, which I thought of doing the instant the demon’s voice had come out from between my lips. 

“Son of a…” He reached forward and snatched up his phone, dialing out but then he growled, let it sail onto the back deck and rolled down the window. “Can he get through the warding?”

“Ali is very adept at moving around the sigils so that there is some spots that I can squeeze through, but they aren’t places any that other angels, or demons, would think to look.” Dean spun around the best he could, seeing Cas standing right by the back door. I pushed at that man who continued to hold me down, hoping he would get the hint and after what felt like forever, which was no more than a few seconds, Dean was sliding out the back door and Cas was moving in as I sat up. His blue eyes were locked on mine as he slid closer, that look of wonder etched across his face as he reached out a hand, cupping my cheek.  “What have you done?”

“I can’t stop it, Cas,” I whispered, feeling more than defeated and I closed my eyes against the weight of his touch, “and I can’t control it either.”

“I’ll help you,” he sighed softly and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me as close as he could before looking up at Dean. My eyes went to the older Winchester who was standing just outside the door, leaning into watch the interaction between us. Cas turned to stare at him and I knew just when they made eye contact because the power in the vehicle seemed to shift. Light to light, or just possibly their profound connection seemed to vibrate through the car. “We need to get her to Virginia, Dean, as fast as possible.”

“Yeah,” he replied, snatching the phone off the deck, as he took a deep breath, “right.”

The car rumbled to life, the wards the surrounded her disappeared as soon as her back tires left the solace of the trees, and Dean stepped on the gas, kicking up dirt and rocks before he hit that asphalt gunning.

I felt nothing for the longest time, hours stretched before me as I took comfort in the fact that Cas was shielding anything he could, even the power that seemed to bombard the car. I could feel waves of it at times but there wasn’t much getting through.

“Cas,” was all my lips would let out for a moment as I tried to gather anything that might resemble some sort of words, as my mind raced in twenty directions. I felt his fingers under my chin, and he gave just a little nudge as my head tilted back.  Was I on his lap? Was I sitting on the seat, so much of it was a blur, but I could feel his arm under my neck and I watched as he smiled, looking down at me. The strange shadows that surrounded us made me think of only his wings and I reached out to touch it with a weak hand, but there was nothing there to grab onto before my eyes landed back on his. “Did I hurt him?”

“Who?” He sighed, a little confused but not so much that he didn’t get that reference. “No, you didn’t touch him, you had at least that much control, and I think he did as well.”

“I can’t keep hurting my family, Cas,” I felt the wetness of the tear that slide down my face and felt his thumb brush over my cheek, wiping it away. “What happens when this is over?”

“I don’t…” he was just about to say understand but I know he definitely did because it seemed to grow in his expression. “Nothing is going to happen except that this power will wan, Ali, you’ll be fine. You  _ and _ Danni. Neither of you are going to leave us again.”

“No way,” Dean growled, “it hasn’t even been two weeks, there is no way I’m losing you again.” 

I tried to smiled, tried to imagine how I went that long without him, without Sam and Danni in my life but as I did, the memories assaulted me and I felt my stomach turn into knots.

“Dean, pull over,” I begged, feeling the gut-wrenching twist coming faster, “please.”

Cas seemed to panic as I stiffened in his arms. He glanced up wide-eyed at the man in the driver’s seat. “I suggest you do it quickly.”

Dean swerved off the side of the road, the car sitting half in the incline but that was just enough for me to move out of the angel’s arms and scoot down to nearly kick the door open as I grabbed the handle. However far I got from the car, however many seconds or minutes it took me to get there, I couldn’t tell you but I knew one thing, there wasn’t any content in my stomach when I finally came to rest back on my heels as I knelt in the tall grass.  

I could feel them behind me, both Cas and Dean making their way from the Impala, but I just stood on wobbly legs and hoped I could get just a bit further away before one of them wrapped their arms around me. 

This time it was Cas, as my unbalanced gait almost sent me tumbling towards the ground and he pulled me back to him as we both found ourselves cushioned on in the long grass of the field. I clutched onto his arm, wrapping around not only the solid muscle underneath but the heavy canvas jacket that he wore that surprisingly still smelled like the man who let him borrow it, and the subtle hint of cinnamon and wind.

Not sure how he managed but I soon found myself staring at the bright blue orbs of the angel, his hands cupping my face as I breathed through the unsavory feeling in the pit of my stomach. Blinking seemed to be a chore, but I did it just a few times in order to keep him in my sight.

Out of the corner of my eyes, in my peripheral, I watched Dean’s strength falter and slowly he fell to his knees, hands resting on his thighs as sadness and helplessness took over, clouding those green eyes with worry. I knew what he was feeling, did my best to block it, but his hand reached out, taking mine in his and he shook his head.

“I’m strong enough, Ali, I can handle it.” he sighed and I barely shook my head, still locked between Cas’ large hands.

“Even if you were the strongest man in the world, Dean Winchester, I don’t want you to be strong enough, I just don’t want you to feel it at all.” I whispered, my free hand coming up to place on Cas’ before I pushed away and took the older one in fully.  “The tether, our connection, it’s not fair to you, or any other person to have to feel someone else’s emotions, not like this.”

“Hey,” he sighed, shimmying forward on his knees to close the distance.  Talk about personal space issues, I honestly didn’t think that Dean knew as much about it even with the way he kept scolding Cas because suddenly they were both close enough to feel their body heat. “Listen, you need this, okay, we both do, so stop trying to push me away and suck it up and deal with it.  I’m not going anywhere and if I have to repeat that until I’m blue in the face, than honey, you better get used to hearing my voice.”

“I love your voice,” I replied meekly but blinked because it was a thought that wasn’t supposed to pass my lips, it was supposed to have stayed in my head. I watched him smile as he leaned forward and kissed my head. I groaned as he got close and suddenly pushed him away. “I need a toothbrush.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, still smiling as he pushed up to his feet, “I’ll go get it.”

As Dean left, I let my body slouch back against Cas.

“You need to stop wasting energy pretending to be okay, Ali, it’s going to wear on you.” the angel’s gravelly voice warned as I nestled into the crook of his arm, feeling him wrap around me again and I shook my head

“I have to be okay, Cas,” I whispered, as the power slowly drained from me and I found it hard to keep my eyes open.  “If I don’t keep it in, who’s going to stop me when it blows up?”

“I’m not going anywhere, just like Dean said, suck it up and deal, was it?” he questioned, his voice so stoic that I had to laugh and his lips touched my forehead. “Just like everything, we’re going to make it through this.”

It was then that Dean’s footsteps could be heard through the grass, I felt more than saw him kneel again and took a deep breath as he ran his fingers over my face.  I pried my eyes open and raised a brow as he held out the toothbrush, paste and a bottle of water.

“I got this,” I smiled and reached out for the items he held, but when I felt Cas move away, I also felt my body sway.

“Yeah, doll, you got this alright.” Dean laughed as he moved to take Cas’ spot, helping me to my feet and over to a tree I could lean against.  Keeping watch as I stood with one arm out braced against the hard bark of the tree, Dean only gave me a few quick glances as I took care of business, finally rinsing the foam from my mouth as I stuffed the toothpaste in my pocket and rinsed the brush off before finally capping the bottled. “You done?”

I snickered as I leaned my forehead against the tree and let my eyes wander over to the well formed backside that was facing me. I admired him for a moment, the way he stood with his legs slightly open, arms crossed, which stretched his overshirt and the tee-shirt underneath and suddenly, he cleared his throat.  My eyes snapped up to him as he stared me down. Yeah, play it off, Winchester, like you weren’t doing the same thing.

“You get a good look?” he smiled, and I couldn’t help the smirk that crossed my lips.  I moved away from the tree, placing the brush and the bottle in my pocket and tried, and failed, to walk by all tough.

“You’re still dressed, aren’t you?” I smiled but so much for mighty and powerful because it was just as I was about to pass him that a wave of exhaustion hit me, or was it wave of power, either way, it was sending  me to my knees. 

He grasped me around the waist, swooped one arm under my knees and lifted me into his arms, bridal style. The feeling made my stomach turn and I let the heaviness in my head lead to my cheek being pressed against his shoulder.

“Thought you were big and bad coming out with that line, didn’tcha?” he laughed but I let my hand move, slip up inside his thicker cotton shirt as I pressed it against his chest. The hard thump of his heart was just under my palm, but I ran my hand slightly right, feeling the muscle of his peck before my thumb ran over the hardness of his nipple and he moaned, stopped in his tracks and placed his lips against my forehead. “You might want to stop that.”

“M’sorry,” I said lazily and tried to pull my hand away, but not before making another pass at it.

“Uhh,” he almost moaned, “Ali,” my name was just a soft whisper, as he moved, faster this time, and nearly tossed me into Cas’ arms. Away from his body heat, my hand now completely my own, he touched my cheek lightly and looked down into my eyes, albeit my droopy, half-mast ones.  “Your touch is getting to be too much, and we’re not done, remember?”

I turned away from him, snuggled into the angel and tried to get rid of the lustful feelings towards the older one. I missed Sam, as much as that sounded like a cop-out right then, I missed his body and his touch, and everything he let me do to him. He seemed to be my anchor and without him… the need for anything physical ran amuck.

“Let’s go,” Dean growled. I wasn’t sure what had angered him, but I think I got the point as Cas slipped me back into the backseat of Baby and made his way in himself, essentially blocking me from Dean, who slid in behind the wheel and started the engine.

Taking the toothbrush, paste and bottle from my jacket, I placed them up on the back deck (the bottle on the floor) and leaned against the door. Closing my eyes, I hoped for darkness, what I got was something completely different.

Zane had me, the demon hybrid with the power that shook me to the core. Pinning me in place, blocking my way out, I felt powerless against him but powerful as our bodies touched.  This man, this thing was drawing on my darkness and I wanted it. I felt my body shaking, the one being touched by Cas, the one being rocked by the car, I felt it shake with the power he let off.

_ “There’s nothing that you can offer that would make me even want to listen.” His smile turned evil and he pushed me against the wall, using all of his body to keep me there as he took hold of my free hand and wrapped his fingers around both of my tiny wrists, holding them tightly above my head. With force he wrapped his hand around my neck and held my head against the brick, making it so I couldn’t look away. _

_ “You are strong, more so than I thought you would ever be.” His breath was against my face as he leaned in and stoked his lips along my cheek, close to my ear, “I want you to be my bride, rule beside me when I take over this world.” His words alone brought the visions that John… that Asmodeus had shown me back to the forefront of my thoughts.  Sam and Dean dead, Danni and Cas destroyed and me standing on the top of some damned bus looking over the mayhem with John right beside me. “Forget your little hunter, forget your Winchester, I can love you so much more than him.” _

_ “Sam,” I whispered, as the tear fell from my eyes, the vision of his bloodied and broken body flashed through my mind and I struggled against his grip. “Let me go you son of a bitch!” _

My eyes fluttered as the thought of the man I loved became all encompassing and all I wanted was him. With a deep breath, I forced my eyes open and looked around the interior of the car. I must have whispered a name, or said something in my sleep because Cas stared at me with curiousness and Dean’s green eyes were focused on me in the rearview, filled with worry, and maybe a hint of jealousy, or maybe not and my scrambled mind was just being hopeful.

I closed my eyes tightly, clenched my fists and let the feeling of my fingertips dig into my skin.  I put my head back on the seat and sighed.

“Sam,” it was one word, one very powerful word, and apparently it took me right to the very spot I wanted to be.

“Ali?” His voice sang through me, like a beacon vibrating every part of not only my soul but every muscle in my body as well.

I slowly released my hands, took a breath and opened my eyes to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, in a motel room that I remembered oh so very well.  He was tying his shoe, but I watched as he slowly let that foot come to rest on the floor as I swallowed. 

Was I really there? Was he truly right in front of me? 

They were questions that ran through me over and over but then I realized, dream or not, I didn’t care, I needed him, like I needed to breath and suddenly I was moving, headed over towards the bed as fast as I could.

He let out a breath the moment I sat down hard on his lap, my hips pressed tight against his, heat upon heat and I wrapped my arms around his neck as his slowly snaked around my body, one spreading fingers wide to capture between my shoulder blades.

“What are you doing here?” He managed to whisper. I sat up, pushing against him and I shook my head, my sight going from his ever-changing eyes to his lips.

“It doesn’t matter,” was the only thing I could reply before I closed that distance and pressed my lips to his. 

Like a puzzle piece that fit just right, our lips slotted together, in a soft kiss, one that turned passionate and bruising after the  first initial brush. Yeah, he needed just as much as I did and his other hand came up to curl into my hair, holding me as his want became demanding, and I felt his hips roll up into me.

Inside his pocket, against the inner part of my left thigh, I felt his phone vibrate and it was so close to the heated center of all of me that I moaned against his mouth, a sound that egged him on enough to penetrate me with his tongue, exploring the warmth as much as he could before the phone silenced itself but within moments repeated it’s onslaught.

Sam pulled away, breathless and pressed his forehead against mine as a low growl escaped his throat and I shivered at the sound of it. Pushing at my thigh, his hand dipped into his pocket and retrieved the annoying little piece of technology. I watched his jaw clench as he blinked long and hard before putting the phone to his ear. 

My mind was on twenty different things but getting a sound out of the man beneath me was at the forefront and he place it beside his ear, my lips ventured over his left cheek and down to his neck. Small rumbles of low groans vibrated against my mouth as I kiss along his neck, down to where it sloped. Sam hissed in my ear as he laid his cheek against my head, trying to ignore the man on the phone, or trying to concentrate on him and failing.

“I’m going to guess by the noises that you have Ali there,” Dean snapped.

“Yeah,” Sam whispered, but it came out more of like a “ah” then anything.

“She popped out of the car, Sam!” Dean had to make a point, and that was when the hand in my hair tightened. Dammit, playtime was over. I back away, I knew Sam’s questions, and I stared him straight in the eyes. “She literally pulled a Cas!”

“Dean, I’m not sure that I do exactly that.” Castiel mumbled loud enough in the background.

“She’s here, Dean, she’s safe,” Sam made sure to point out as his fingers kneaded against my scalp, a feeling that I couldn’t help but sigh and close my eyes over. That magic was just what I was looking for. “She’s okay.”

“I’m sure she’s purring like a kitten,” I heard Dean’s sarcastic reply. “Keep her there, we have about an hour left, or should I send Cas?”

“No!” Sam snapped a bit too fast and caught his breath as I pushed my cheek against his, letting him hear what his touches were doing to me. He cleared his throat as his brother huffed. “No, I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Yeah, you do that,” he replied, not impressed and then the line went dead. 

Sam dropped it, literally just let it go and the hand that held it joined the other in my hair as he turned his lips to mine once again. This time he took control of the kiss and me as he managed to gingerly drop me down to the mattress and ravage my mouth with his, dipping back in for another round of tongue play. 

I felt him press down between my legs, letting me lock him in place as I wrapped my thighs the best I could around his waist and suddenly he was moving, pumping against me and I smiled as he pulled back. His pupils were blown wide, the blue color darkened so that only the dark green of want remained and I knew he was feeling the lust that sung through my body.

“We can stop if you want,” I whispered and he only shook his head. “How do you know this is really what you want and not just my need?”

“I can always feel you, Ali,” he sighed as he lowered to my lips again, brushing little kisses against them as I turned my head and let that mouth travel over my cheek and down to the very sensitive spot on my neck, but he didn’t stay there, he came back up, his hand palming over my breast, flicking at the hardness of my nipple, a sensation that had me pressing my head back into the comforter.  “I will always need you.”

“Sam!” I growled through clenched teeth. 

What was I going to tell him, pinch harder? Do something other than tease? Hell I loved the teasing, but as always, I needed things rougher.  I wished I could take the sweet and innocent, the let me love you tenderly, but that wasn’t it, that was never it. I wanted to be claimed and only by him. I wanted to be marked.

As if reading my mind, his teeth suddenly went right to the slope of my neck, to his favorite spot, and mine too if I was honest. He bit down hard and deep, lips wrapping around where his teeth drew up the skin and he sucked. The feeling of it had my eyes roll back in my head and my hips roll up to meet his as his strong hand tangled into my hair, gripping tight, the other quickly moving down to unbutton my jeans.

Pulling the rough material down by wrapping his fingers around the waist of it, my only help in all of it was to lift my hips off the bed in order for him to have the ease of bringing them down over my ass. Thank God I wore the loose ones. 

The cool air against the wet heat between my legs had me gasp just as his teeth clenched a little more and the moan he let crawl up through his cords shivered against my neck, more so when he slipped a finger in between the folds and I was suddenly filled with an ache as he curled up and hit that one small spot within me.

I bucked against him, hmmed in his ear, needing more, but waiting because Sam obviously needed just as much as I did as he slipped a second finger in. I moved my hands, ones that felt like they weren’t my own, but definitely being controlled by everything I was thinking and grabbed for his belt. 

His defiant hiss through his teeth told me to either go fast and be done with it or take my time and get him more worked up but as I slipped the zipper down, felt his length and decided, yeah, there was no way this man was getting anymore worked up than he already was.

I pushed the jeans over his hips, taking the briefs down with me and suddenly felt that hot and heavy evidence against my skin, making me bite my lips as the suction on my neck continued. Once they were down enough for my liking, I wrapped my tiny hands around him. Tiny compared to the way he filled them and he pushed forward into the way my fingers squeezed.

This broke his hold, it brought his teeth and lips away from my skin as he sucked in a deep breath close to my ear.

“Do it,” he encouraged and I smiled as I slid up the length of him and back down. His head instantly fell forward onto my shoulder and I could feel his heart racing against me. The way his breath came out in little gasps with each pass over the very tip of him made me smile and I turned just enough so I could touch him with my cheek.

I didn’t realize how much of a turn-on it was to be in control of him, the way that things built up under my touch and it had me following him, breathing into him, moving against him as his hips decided that my rhythm was too slow. 

His fingers wrapped around my hips, holding me there as his moved at their own pace. I stilled my hands, letting him choose how long he moved, how fast he pulled and I smiled as his head turned and his lips found mine once again. This time the kiss came with sighs, and moans and the occasional  _ hmmphs _ that he made when he hit just that right spot several times in a row but, even as the kiss wore on, there was a sudden stop and I looked up to find his eyes tightly closed, his jaw clenched and I knew.

“Want you,” he whispered, and it came out demanding through those lips, but I knew what he what he meant. I moved him, felt him shift down so that our hips aligned, so that all I had to do was place him where I wanted him and move.  And I did just that, slipped him in, and pressed upwards, taking in just the first few inches. My breath caught and the noise he made seemed like he was in shock, or like he had been punched in the gut. “Ugh… Godda…”

I didn’t let him finish before I moved again, sliding back and then pressing up, this move got a growl from him, a deep, possessive, screw everything growl and suddenly he was filling me, not forcefully, just a little more at a time than I was playing with him and it was my turn to make the noises.

My fingers clenched around his arms and he pushed up from my body, placing all of his weight on his elbows as his forehead touched mine and his hips started a slow dance that had me reeling.  He smiled as the noises that he pulled from my lips did nothing but egg him on and I was good with that, I wanted more, but he had this evil look in his eye. 

“Don’t move,” he ordered and I shook my head.

“No way that’s going to happen there, Captain.” I tried to smile, but inside he rubbed just the right way and I found the smile fading into one of pure feeling.

“Stay still or I’ll pull out and we’ll be done,” he snapped and I found my smile once again. His eyes were trained on mine. This wasn’t a simple request, it wasn’t something he was threatening me with per se, it was more of what he wanted to do, but I had to agree to it. With a little nod, I steadied myself, let the feeling of him shift his weight to one arm register as the fingers of the other traveled down the length of my side to my knee, where he hooked his arm under it and brought my leg up as far as it could go. “Say no if you need me to stop.”

I wanted to laugh at him, but just nodded in reply. When had I ever told him no? When had I ever denied him what he needed or wanted? 

His push was still slow and steady, teasing as he moved, bringing me up to a new high that I never thought I would be able to achieve and part of me wanted to know why we hadn’t tried something like this before. 

I kept my body as still as I could, concentrating on just the feel of him on the inside as well as out, especially when his fingers caressed the outside of my leg, down to where my backside curved and his fingers found the sensitive skin just below the very spot where he was picking up his torturous pace. I closed my eyes, knowing what he wanted to do next, but I was enjoying being able to focus on one thing. I knew if he went there, that there was no way I was doing anything anymore.

I wanted to say no, but all I did was shake my head, and his fingers stop their movements for a moment before he continued to move closer, brushing over every small spot he could find but never penetrating. I knew he wanted to ask, but all I did was nod when I was able to look up into his eyes. Tease but don’t go further, yep, that was exactly what I was  _ trying _ and  _ failing _ to say to him, but he got it, he understood.

I was done with the not moving, I needed him, and he was taking his sweet time. I felt my legs start to twitch, my body feel the need to shift and I looked up at him pleading, but the only thing I got in return was a slight roll of the corner of his lips and his kaleidoscope eyes focused in on mine.

“How bad do you want it?” He breathed, which amazed me how husky his voice had become, dripping with sex as he slid in deep and pumped with shallow movements, that alone seemed to send me skyrocketing.

“Sam!” I growled at him, but moaned in the same word, closing my eyes as I arched my back towards him. I wanted a release, needed one, no matter how fast or slow it came as long as it was hard.  He peeled my hands from his body, caught both my wrists between the fingers of one hand and moved them above my head. 

“Okay?” he whispered, wanting confirmation and all I could do was nod. I knew what was coming next as he sat up more, tucking his knees under him and with that free hand, he slipped under the small of my back, hoisting my hips up onto his thighs. “If I hurt you…”

“You won’t,” I stopped him quickly. It was always a concern, especially with what he wanted to do, and how badly he needed to do it. He waited, adjusting himself without moving and he slipped in deeper, almost to the point that I could  _ feel _ him in my soul. “Please, Sam.”

“I love the way you whisper my name,” he mumbled against my ear as he brought his lips down to brush my cheek, at the same time as he thrust forward for the first time.

I felt the sound vibrate through my throat, and when the soft brush of the air rushing through me touched his skin, all barriers were broken. 

He set the speed, using his body to keep my legs spread wide, to let him in as deep as he could go and it was a pace that I loved, hard, swift and just enough to make my head spin, and with all of that he seem to know exactly where to hit with every shift. 

I curled my captured hands into fists, curving around one of his thick fingers as I felt the end coming, the wave after wave of exactly what I needed, that endless release that no one else could seem to give me and I tightened around him, lifting my head to hopefully catch his lips. A cruel grin twisted on his lips as he came down and left his mouth just far enough away from me that I could feel his breath, and the warmth and promise of a kiss but he never closed the distance, no matter how many pleading noises I made.

I let my head fall back on the bed, tightened my legs around him as the edge moved closer, and I closed my eyes tightly, lips parted as the sounds creeped out and just as I was about to go over, when I couldn’t get any more tense, he let me have just what I wanted.  His lips came crashing down, meeting mine with brutal force and I took it all in, the way he felt inside, the sensation of his body brushing mine and the taste of his lips as he claimed me.

That was it, I was done, and as much as I needed to pull away to breath, I needed Sam so much more. Moaning into that kiss, letting his own breath fill me, I crashed down, clenching and seizing around him and I felt him swell within me, taking that edge without stopping. His body didn’t stop this time, didn’t shorten the strides he took, never once bothered to allow him the pleasure of feeling every explosion, no this time it just took him with it.

He bit down on my lip, not hard enough to draw blood, but definitely enough for me to feel it, which sent me careening over again, as the noises he made stretched out, deepened and slowly turned into ragged breaths, his warmth spilling over until his sweat-soaked body came to rest on mine and the hand holding me released.

I let my fingers trace down that muscular arm until I split them and rested one on the back of his shoulder, the other tangled up in his hair and he placed his cheek against my chest, listening to the beat of my heart as his untangled his legs from underneath me, slipping out in the process, which got just a little more than a sigh from me.

I stared up at the ceiling for a moment, my body completely vibrating with power and sexual energy. You would think something that strong would have worn me out, but now I just seemed to feel everything, and just as I thought it couldn’t get any stronger, I felt the pull of the teether moments before I heard the rumble of the car as it made its way to the motel.

“They’re here,” Sam sighed, willing his body to move, but I just tightened my grip.

“That’s fine, they can be here all they want,” I whispered, but somewhere in those words was an emotion I couldn’t quite put my finger on. “Let Dean be with Danni, I know they need to talk about Dean taking off, and I just need this now, I just need you now.”

“Good,” he growled, and it was totally a  _ MINE _ thing, “I wasn’t planning on letting you go.”

~~~~~

The car stopped in front of the door, as my eyes blinked hard to stay open. Maybe it was how close Dean was, or maybe sleep had finally caught up with me, but the need to move was waning and I felt Sam’s strong arms pull me closer, shifting so that he wasn’t falling into a post-sex sleep crushing my lungs. 

The doors opened, and closed, and I heard Danni’s voice, full of confusion, anger and suddenly relief.  Dean  _ umphed _ as she ran up (I say this because I could hear her boots hitting the ground) and flung her arms around him. 

The muffled sounds of their conversation filled my ears, the shifting of their steps told me that they were headed for her room, but the pause in one of them told me that someone needed reassurance, and through the teether I sent out a sigh, a content sign that everything was going to work out just fine.

The steps moved on as the message was received, and I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my lips, just as my lids stopped fighting gravity and I was drawn deep into a dreamless sleep, surrounded by Sam Winchester, not knowing what was going to come next, but knowing it needed to happen.

Please, God, let us win this time.


	41. DH Remembrance - 41

**Chapter 41**

Feel the thunder…

_ The lights were just a little too bright as I opened my eyes and looked up at the woman in front of me, my arm stretched high awkward. I turned my vision to the things that surrounded me, the shelves on each side, the way the items, boxes and cans stacked higher than my head and I realized that the person holding me was my mother. _

 

_ “Really, Ali, we only stopped two hours ago.” Her voice, I always remembered her voice, not that I didn’t hear it now every time she called or came over, but I remembered this voice.  _

_ We shuffled past people, things with purpose before she stopped at the bathroom door and I felt her drop my hand. Okay, pitstop, but, why didn’t I remember anything about this. I had nothing on this place, and no reason for the fact that everything was so much bigger than I was, until the door to the bathroom swung open and I looked up. _

_ She was beautiful, her blonde hair coming down in curls, and her smile seemed to light up the world as she stopped dead and looked at my mother. I remember the way they stared, unsure of who they were looking at but the grin that crossed my mother’s face was one of excitement.  The woman had a boy on her hip, and her stomach was round, and full, and I watched as she lowered the boy down to his feet, but he clung to her leg. _

_ The instant chatter of voices filled my ears but the vision of the boy’s face took over. I wasn’t going to go any closer, just watch him from where I stood but his bottom lip quivered and I couldn’t help but move closer. _

_ He looked like he had been crying, maybe not all that much but in a _ I want my way  _ kind of deal, and I watched those bright green eyes grow wide with curiosity as I stepped closer. His dirty blonde hair fell in curls, like his mom but I knew those eyes from somewhere. Stopping close to him, I smiled, or at least I felt myself smile before reaching out to touch him.  _

_ He sniffled, stepped away from his mother’s leg, still one hand touching it and he moved up to brush his face against my fingers. Both of us stopped as the vibration flowed between us. He smiled at the tickle, I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped me and finally I stepped closer until I could easily lean in and tell him a secret. _

_ “What’s your name?” he asked me. _

_ “Ali,” I shrugged, like it was no big deal.  _

_ “Pretty,” he replied, “I’m Dean.” _

_ “I like it.” and we both turned to look up at the door as the bell above it rang. A tall man, with unruly shaggy hair stepped towards us, smile on his face. _

_ “Mary, I…” the two of us watched the way his eyes settled on the pair of women that hogged the space by the bathroom door, and he stopped not far away, trying to look kind of happy, maybe happy, nope, totally fake.  “Del, what are you doing in Virginia?” _

_ “John, so good to see you again.” Mom reached out and hugged him, to which he hugged back, but the look on his face was weird, and his eyes traveled down to me. “Ali had to make a pitstop. I swear she’s the only one in the house with a bladder the size of a pea.” _

_ Wait, how old was I here? Was my brother born yet? Dean? Really, that means… Mary was pregnant with Sam. I looked up at her and John but stepped closer to the boy, feeling his hand fist the loose dress I was wearing.  _

_ John was still staring down at me, the smile gone from his face, as something like acknowledgement flashed through his eyes. _

_ “Don’t worry, Alwi, I’s protectes you.” The little boy’s voice whispered in my ear, and all I knew at that moment was that I had no doubt that he would. I knew right then that I was safe, the safest I would ever be. _

_ John squatted down, becoming eye to eye with me and I tilted my head just a little while looking into the depth of his eyes. He smiled, or tried to, but he reached out and touched the length of my hair. _

_ “Ali,” he breathed, like I was some sort of mystery, or something he never thought he would see. “You’re just like I imagined you would be.” _

_ “Hi,” was all I could manage to say and this got an actual smile from him, but I reached back and grabbed for Dean, not that the man would see because he was too busy looking over my face. “I have to go to the bathroom.” _

_ It was the only thing I could think of saying to get away from that stare, but that would mean letting go of the boy’s hand, and I didn’t want to do that. John nodded and stood, which made me step back. He was tall, taller than my dad, but there was something about him that made me curious. I watched his eyes go from me to the women who were still chatting things up before I tugged on my mom’s jeans. _

_ “Mommy, I have to go.” I pleaded and watched her look down at me, but she smiled at the way I held Dean’s hand. I turned to Mary and cocked my head to the side and smiled. “Do you have a baby in there?” _

_ Mary squatted down and smiled. “Yes I do.” _

_ I reached out slowly, my hand still tight on Dean’s and I pressed it against her stomach. The vibration I felt with the green-eyed boy zipped through me to the child still in the womb and I couldn’t help the giggle. _

_ “He’s very strong.” I replied and rubbed her belly as if petting his hair. “Can I meet him when he’s here?” _

_ “I’m sure you can, sweetheart.” Mary whispered, but I watched her smile turn fake as well. Adults sucked at being nice and I moved my hand from her stomach. “How do you know it’s a boy?” _

_ I leaned in closer, glanced up at my mother and grinned, giving her stomach a little pat. “He told me.” _

_ “Okay, Ali, let’s go, Daddy’s waiting in the car.” My mom held her hand down for me and I took it, watched Mary stand with the help of John and I glanced at Dean. _

_ “Bye Dean.” I whispered, and watched the way his lips started to quiver again, threatening to become an all out cry as his fingers fell away. _

_ “Bye Alwi.” he sighed and his arm dropped to his side as John scooped him up off his feet. I watched as they started to walk away, but Dean didn’t break eye contact. He and I just stared until the door opened and the bright light of the sun outside blinded my vision. _

I sat up slowly in bed, still caught in that little memory, still seeing the way that Dean looked at me even when he was so young, hell I was young. Cas said it the river wasn’t the first time we met, and I shook my head. 

Virginia? Really? What were the odds that we would meet for the first time at a store somewhere in the state that everything went down? 

With a deep breath, I slid out from under the cover and slowly got dressed, trying my best not to disturb the man still laying there. If I remembered right, there was a diner across the way that served really good coffee and I certainly could use one now.

Sneakers on and Sam’s large coat (more so on me) keeping out the chill, I made my way across the parking lot to the small diner. I ordered four to go and grabbed some of whatever kind of pastries that they had lying around, kind of a typical breakfast thing with us. 

I thought I might not be alone when I made my way back to the motel, but I was surprised to find that Dean wasn’t out smoking and that the door to my room was still closed. Guess Danni finally wore him out, which was good because that boy could use some sleep.

I set the coffees down on the table, stripped off the jacket and slowly sat down in the corner, which gave me full view of Sam, who was now spread out all over the bed, and the door in case anything decided to come flying through but at this point, I wasn’t sure what would dare to even try.

The wards were still up, which I was surprised at. We must have done them pretty good since not much last that long, especially when the magic goes, but as I looked around I could see the symbols that were left there. Wards against angels, demons, ghost and vampires.... Vampires, all I can say to that is good luck getting by one of us again.

As I sat there in a daze, I tried not to think of the dream that had shocked me awake. Sammy, my Sammy was still in utero when I felt him, the vibration that he gave off even in the womb was amazing and I smiled at it as I glanced over at him. Mary had been so shocked.  

Mary… I met their mother. A tear slid down my cheek as I tried to sniffle back the emotions but apparently I didn’t work hard enough to cover them up because there was a light knock at the door before it softly opened. I hadn’t bothered to close it completely, there was no need to let the lock engage, I knew he wasn’t going to stay away too long.

Dean’s eyes locked on mine as he entered the room, but they traveled to his brother, still silently sleeping on the bed before he picked the chair up and set it down directly in front of me, still keeping that vantage point so he could see both of us.

Biting down on his lip, he sat with his elbows on his knees, reaching his hands to touch my leg as he stared at the spot somewhere between him and I and he took a deep breath. I moved my hand from the table and placed it on top of his, but I didn’t make the eye contact that I longed for, I just rested my chin on my fist and looked out the window.

I wondered if he could feel the emotions that ran through me, if he could see the memories, but at the same time, it didn’t really seem to matter because the movement of his fingers brushing along my leg seemed to help keep me grounded, even as the tear slipped down my cheek.

Sam stirred on the bed, and I glanced over as he sat up, grabbed his jeans and slipped them on, before he stood and headed towards the bathroom. In the room next door, I could hear movement as Danni woke up and fished around for things that she needed to wear. The world was waking up and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.

Dean’s hand never moved as Sam came out of the bathroom. He stepped up to the table, kissed me softly on the forehead, slapped a gentle hand down on Dean’s shoulder and reached for the coffee cup before he made his way over to the dresser and found a shirt.

Danni entered the room just as Sam yanked it over his head and she stopped in the doorway, blinked a few times in Sam’s direction before she kissed Dean’s temple a few times, smiled at me and grabbed the other coffee cup. I would have called this a strange interaction but at the moment, I didn’t really care. Dean was keeping me grounded and it wasn’t as if anything was going on. 

With a deep breath, I moved, taking my hand away from Dean’s as he sat up and finally made the eye contact we both needed. He took the coffee from the tray and stood, making his way over to where Danni stood against the dresser.

“So we’re all here, now what?” Danni questioned.

“Now we wait,” Dean whispered but his eyes came back to me and I shrugged.

“For what?” She spoke up again, “For that black-haired bitch to come at us again?”

“We wait for Cas,” I whispered which got all of them to look at me.

“Cas?” Sam tilted his head just a little bit, “why Cas?”

“Dean and I cast the circle, but the rest of you helped with the warding, if I get the jist of it right, we need all of us, which includes Cas.” It was the only answer I could come up with but part of me really wasn’t sure why I needed the angel, in fact my thoughts were one the fact that Crowley had mention that is wasn’t Dean that I needed at all.

“So, we’re, what, back to sitting around on our asses again?” Danni huffed. I watched her glare at me, but there was something familiar in the way her eyes went back and forth from me to the man beside her and I suddenly knew what was going on. That familiar pull of light and dark was yanking her chain again and I tried not to smile at it. “What’s so funny, Porter?”

“We could do it two ways, run headlong into it without backup or wait and see what the angel comes up with,” I stood, slipping on Sam’s coat again but my eyes stayed locked on hers, “your choice.”

After a moment of silence, I gave them all a little nod and stepped out into the morning air. Knowing that there was no way the Impala would be unlocked, I raised my sights to the sky and leaned against the back bumper. Yeah I had popped out of her and into Sam’s room but totally forgot all of my stuff, which included my clothes, so I waited, and I counted.

Five minutes, maybe just a little more before the door opened and the familiar sound of boots hit the ground, but I smiled because they weren’t the set that normally followed me so closely. I closed my eyes as a hand slid up between my shoulder blades and rested on the back of my neck, before lips gently covered mine.

I hummed against his mouth as Sam’s body moved to cover mine, pressing what he could against the car before I felt his other hand stroke across my hip and settle in the small of my back. His thumb danced over my jaw as he pulled me in close, leaving me breathless from the soft kiss when he backed away.

“Good morning,” I whispered, not stopping the smile that rose from his gentle affections.

“Morning,” he smiled back. I let my hands rest on his stomach, but slip around his waist as he let me rest my forehead against him. “One of these mornings, I’m not going to let you out of bed. You’re not going to sneak off to get us coffee, and my brother won’t be sitting in the room when I wake up.”

“About that…” I started but he took a deep breath.

“Stop, right there.” he said softly and I lifted my head, tilting back so I could look into his eyes. “I’m not saying anything bad about Dean, I get that he’s protective, and I actually expect him to be sitting there every time I open my eyes, so don’t think that I said that as a bad thing, I just… I just want you.”

“You have me, Sam, you know that.” 

He leaned down, brushed my lips with his and sighed against me. “I know, more than anything, I know.” he paused before he backed off again. “So what did you come out here for?”

“Clothes,” I smiled as I pushed slightly on his hips, “unless you want me to go into this naked.”

Sam thought for a moment, actually a very long moment that had me questioning what was going on in his mind but then he grinned and pulled the keys from his pocket before he looked down at me once again.

“Probably not a good idea with Dean there to go parading around naked.” 

I reached up to snatch the keys as I smiled, but he pulled them away. “Great minds think alike.”

As Sam popped the trunk, I felt the pull on the tether and turned towards the doorway. Dean was standing there, cigarette in hand, but with his eyes narrowed at me. There was just something in the way he was staring that made me shiver and that feeling only got more intense as Sam stepped up behind me, let his lips come close to my skin and blew against me.

“Keep staring at him, neither of you are going to disappear.” His mouth closed over the sensitive skin on my neck and I felt my heart jump.

“That’s just it,” I whispered. “I did disappear, last night, right out of the back seat of a moving car.” I turned to Sam, bit down on my lip and took a breath as I moved my eyes up to meet his. “That’s got to be terrifying to know, for both of you, that I could just think of a place and end up there without warning.”

“I remember it from June, Ali, and you landed in my room, not in the middle of some dark alley with demons on your ass.” Sam bent his knees, his hands resting against my waist, bringing those blue-green eyes to my level. “I have nothing but faith in your control, and before you say anything, I know that you don’t, but for some reason, every part of me knows that you can handle this.”

I placed my hand on his neck, just to feel the way his blood pumped through his veins and the steady rhythm seemed to ground me as my own heart started to race. I shook my head, tried everything I could to feel the control that he so desperately believed in but I couldn’t grasp it.

“Hey,” his voice seemed to penetrate everything and I found my eyes locked on his, “I know we both have a dark past, but Ali, you’ve always been my light. Things have been crazy, insanely crazy but I’m not giving up on us, ever. We’ll make it through, we always do, somehow.” 

I took a deep breath, scanning over the emotions written all over his face, but he didn’t wait for me to respond before his lips were brushing over mine, just a small gesture to make sure I knew he had my back, and my front, all of me, before he wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me in close.

“Sam,” Dean’s voice seemed to echo through me as Sam lifted his head, letting the morning light in. “Keys, man, the rest of us need to get dressed too.”

“Yeah, sorry.” The younger brother laughed and passed the keys to Dean, but it was the green-eyed man’s gaze being locked on me that had me questioning what was really going on. Sam patted Dean on the shoulder, kissed me gently on the head and whispered in my ear. “I’ll take your stuff in,” I glanced at Sam, nodding but his eyes caught me as he winked, “try not to kill each other.”

“Let me get right on that,” I snarked and watched as he smiled, grabbed the bags and walked away, leaving me to stand with the bruting older man.  I placed my hand on the fender of the car, my fingers curled around the metal so that Dean wouldn’t just slam the trunk shut. I knew he was watching every movement I made, so there was no way he didn’t see the placement.  “Dean, about last night…”

“Don’t,” he whispered, grabbing the bag from the trunk, but he stopped before he reached up to take the keys out of the lock, “Ali, I knew things would go south the moment you took that stone out, hell I knew it before then when I saw that look in your eyes when you were telling me to wait for Cas, but you gotta know, you can’t just do that kind of thing and expect me to be okay with it.”

“I don’t expect you to be okay with any of it, Dean,” I sighed and turned fully towards him, moving my hand. He snatched the bag out of the trunk and closed it tightly, not slamming it, but definitely doing it with purpose. He positioned himself with his hip against the bumper and his arms crossed as he let the bag sit on top of the lid. I moved over, just to be a little closer and shook my head, stuffing my hands in my pockets to avoid the need to touch him. “I expect you to be you, don’t you get that? I expect you to be the protective, overbearing ass that I know you are, the one that won’t let me do anything stupid, that will cry foul when my idiot ideas include running full force into something there is no way we are walking away from, and I certainly expect you to want to tie me to a chair and keep me there until this is over.”

“So what do you want me to do?” The look on his face told me he was truly pissed at the stunt that I had pulled. “You want me to say that you should run? That you should just hide away from this… this monster that’s after you? Right, cause that worked so well up until now.” He was the one that closed the distance, his arms crossed as he leaned down, making the eye contact that we shared literally a staring contest. “I don’t get you, sometimes you are full-on manic about things, like saving people, saving us, but then you go on this trip about how we should run and let you face this crap alone. That isn’t happening, Ali, you need to understand that, okay. There is no way I’m letting you walk in there alone, and the same goes for Sam and Danni. We’re not going to let you go, not again.”

“Then help me,” I sighed, because his words were the only ones I wanted to hear. “I know you have been doing everything you can up until now, and I don’t honestly know what you can do next, but I know I need you, I need you more than you will ever know, but I feel like I’m losing you.”

His hands came up quickly, cupping my cheeks as the emotions filled me. For the first time in awhile, I felt lost, I couldn’t phantom what I was supposed to do next. I moved my hands from my pockets, setting them gently on the back of his warm fingers as his thumb brushed over my cheeks.

“Never, understand me?” he whispered as he closed the distance, and all I could see was those bright green eyes. “You will never lose me, no matter how much of a pain in the ass you are. Ali, you’re part of me, you always have been and nothing is going to change that.”

I could feel the burning rush through me the more he held my face and I watched his eyes fill with confusion.

“What is that?” He could feel it through the tether, and I blinked back the fire as I tried to control it. “Ali, what was that?”

“I think the closer it gets, the more it ramps up in me.” I sighed and leaned into his hands. Dean moved one of his palms, ghosted his fingers over the back of my neck and pulled me in, taking a deep breath as he held me against his chest. His arms around me helped block it but I knew there was nothing more that was going to keep it at bay.

“Okay, let’s get inside, we can put up some sort of warding to at least give you some breathing space.” Dean’s voice was full of concern, but that wasn’t what was getting me, it was the overwhelming itch to run, to move far away from him because no matter how much I needed to be close to them, to all of them right now, there was a power growing in each that made me just as afraid of them as it did the Tulpa.

~~~~~

The stream from the shower seemed hotter than it should have been and with closed eyes, I reached down and adjusted it just a little. Everything was hypersensitive, everything I touched seemed that much more and I had finally had enough. 

Frustrated, I cranked it off, grabbed a towel and decided it was time to get out. I had washed off the stress of the day in the car, the quick jump to the rest area and the scent of Sam, which I wished I could keep, but knew that I could still feel him just by reaching out my hand when I entered the room once again. 

Slipping on a clean pair of panties and a bra, I ran the comb through my hair and looked up at the fogged up mirror as I hopped into the skinny jeans I had pulled from my bag. The dark maroon Henley sat on the edge of the sink and with a sigh, I reached up and wiped my hand across the mirror.

As I looked deep into the eyes I knew so well, my own, I took a deep breath and blinked, but what I saw staring back was the blackened eyes of a demon before I blinked again and they were gone. Quickly I pulled the shirt on and looked up once again, but I didn’t see me this time, I saw  _ her _ , with those bright red lips and those glowing blue eyes and she smiled at me just as the pain hit my heart.

I hit the floor harder than I thought I would, gasping for breath as my hand pressed against my chest, trying as hard as I could to breath through the invisible ice pick that I swore was trying to pierce it. My first thought, before the darkness threatened to take over was where are the others, she always goes for the others. 

I fought the white stars that seemed to dot my vision and reached up for the handle, just as the shock of the pain edging deeper sent my lungs gasping for air, but I managed to turn the handle and stumble out onto the old carpeted floor. 

I think I reached the bed before I was able to clear my head enough to reach out. Dean was my first thought, but I could hear his heartbeat along the tether line, almost sense him in the other room, Danni’s light was like a warmth that flowed towards me but as I looked up, the power in me making the room fade from black to living color, I realized the awful empty feeling in my gut was real.

“SAM!” I screamed out, just as the door burst open and Dean stepped through. The tears burning in my eyes as he quickly moved to gather me up in his arms but I could feel the power building in me as my eyes flashed yet again. “No, Dean…”

“Not letting you go, Kid.” He snapped, which nearly silenced me as I scanned the room. His hand came up to my face, stilling my movements as my eyes locked on his. 

“Sam,” I whispered, staring into his glowing green eyes, bright enough to see the light within him shining through.

Dean turned in the spot, his hand not leaving my cheek but he was suddenly aware of what I was trying to tell him and his head whipped around.

“SAM!” his deep voice screamed, the sound of it shook me to the core, but it flashed me back, and I felt Dean release me.

Visions seemed to bombard me, times through my life where I had run into Sam just as much as I had run into Dean. 

When I was twelve, I found him sitting in a park, he was angry, he needed to get away, and he looked at me as if I had twelve heads when I sat down next to him on the bench and just stared into the nothingness with him. Sam finally got irritated enough to look at me, that bitchface plainly obvious even at a young age.

_ “What are you doing?” He questioned, someone had definitely pissed in his Cheerios. _

_ I turned to him, large bag of candy in my hand and smirked, still chewing away at the ones in my mouth and smiled at him before offering him the bag. “Skittles?” _

_ With a roll of his eyes, he reached over and sunk his hand in, which made me grin wider when he pulled some out and slid just a little closer. _

Sam at sixteen was something I never thought I would want to see but he swung at the air, his brows creased together in anger and I watched his fist clench by his side as he closed his eyes. His knuckles were bleeding and I could see the dented door from where I had rounded the building. 

The sound of him hitting it repeatedly was what had caught my attention. We were on a roadtrip and I wasn’t even sure where we had stopped, but I knew I had to use the restroom and somehow ended up behind the building.

_ “You shouldn’t be back here.” His voice sang as I stepped closer, the instant I heard it, I needed to see his face clearer, even as his hair hung down hiding his eyes. _

_ “You hurt yourself.” I whispered softly, stopping no less than three feet from him. When he turned and looked at me, I was nearly in awe at the sea of blue and green that met my gaze and his expression slowly eased. _

_ “I,” he paused, looking away from me to the blood on his hands, “I was angry. Did I scare you?” _

_ “No,” I said softly, and reached out to take hold of his long fingers, bringing them up so that I could look at the damaged he had done. “I’ve done it once or twice myself, but you should be more careful.” _

_ “Why?”  _

_ I stepped up closer to him, and even at sixteen he was so much taller than me, but I got up on my tiptoes and whispered the best I could. “Hunters are always needed, especially ones that look like you.” _

_ I slowly turned and walked away, leaving him there, clenching his hand for a completely different reason than anger this time. _

There was one time, only one time that he didn’t see me, that we didn’t talk, and it was probably the one time I would like to never remember again.

The rain came down in sheets, nearly making visibility impossible, but it didn’t stop me from pulling off the highway for a coffee, of all the stupid things in the world. Yep, another road trip, another ride home, or away, some sort of escape, but that was when I saw the man across the parking lot.  

I watched him get out of his car, take a few weary steps forward and suddenly go down, squatting in front of the headlights. I saw his hand come up, wipe the tears from his eyes, and I knew that face, I knew those bright eyes, but they were sad, filled with pain and he placed his hand over his mouth.

I wanted to go to him, to wrap him in my arms, to protect him but I stopped and just stood there in the pouring rain and watched. He closed his eyes, took a moment to collect himself but it didn’t help. He thought he was alone, thought no one was watching, and it came out. Anger, sadness, loss, it all poured out of him with the tears, but the rain washed them away, like cleaning the slate and after a moment of shattered emotions, I watched with curiosity as he regained his composure, took a deep breath in and closed his eyes.

The door to the convenience store opened and an older man walked out, carrying coffee and a bag before he stepped over in the direction of the car, and the man who crouched in front of it.

_ “Sam, what the hell man, it’s pouring out, what are you doing?” his voice was familiar, this new addition but I couldn’t place it either.  _

_ “Ah, checking the tires, one felt a little low.” The one I had seen pour his soul out in the rain answered quickly, stood and pushed his hair back. “It’s good.” _

_ “Good, come on, you’re going to get sick!” The older one scolded and I watched as both of them climbed into the car. It wasn’t even a memorable vehicle, just something you saw every day, but as they put it in reverse and drove away, I couldn’t help but feel I had missed out on something important. Something that would have changed everything.  _

I felt myself fall to the floor, landing on my ass as I suddenly had every memory of the boys fly at me at once, not only them but Danni as well and then Crowley’s voice invaded my thoughts, he made so much more sense now. Everything was so clear.

_ “You need to get over your need for Dean Winchester and look at the bigger picture, Pet, not everything revolves around him.”  _

I felt the anger then, the way that the blood in me started to boil, and I felt the power pulse through me. Crowley was right, not everything was about Dean, but it never was just about any of them, it had to do with all of them. All the major player in my life were at one point in time part of me that I couldn’t remember. 

His words filtered in again:  _ “You were a thousand times more protected before this, before we made contact again. You don’t know what I’ve done to keep you protected, Angel, you will never know how much I sacrificed to keep the darkness away.” _

The darkness, he was protecting me from the darkness, so why was it just what I needed right now, to feel the power flowing through me. She had Sam,  _ my _ Sam and I was about to do anything necessary to get him back. With the burst of anger came the cold rush of pain to my chest and I watched as Dean moved towards me again, this time taking me by the arms and I reached up and grabbed his shirt, but I could only see the bright outline of his body, felt the heat flash across my eyes.

“Reign her in Ali,” he spoke sternly, and my body shook at the sound of him. “It’s not going to help Sam if you go off the rails.”

“She took him,” I whispered, or at least I think I whispered, the words sounded so foreign. “She has him, Dean, and she’s hurting him.”

“I get it, and I want nothing more than to gank the bitch,” he replied, getting down to my level as he placed both palms on my cheeks, holding me still so that I had no choice but to look him in the eyes, “but you need to get your demon under control before we have two problems to deal with.”

I knew he was right, knew that I had to keep it in check in order to think clearly enough to do something about the fact that this monster had Sam and as I stared into Dean’s eyes, the answer appeared as a glowing light just behind him. Shifting a little to the left, I watched as Danni walked into the room, her face full of frustration, sadness and just the right amount of anger.

I remembered the two of us standing in the circle, God Killer blades in hand, Zane between us and without a word, I knew what she was thinking, and with just a smile, she knew what I wanted to do next.

My eyes focused once again on Dean, and I gave him that grin, that one small turn of my lips.

And then I whispered. “I have an idea.”


	42. DH Remembrance - 42

**Chapter 42**

How much you wanna risk?

Dean’s face was classic Winchester, completely dumbfounded until he gave his head a little shake, glanced over at Danni and then back at me, locking my eyes on his.

“Wait,” he blinked a few times, “I say lock it down and that gives you an  _ idea _ ? Should I be afraid?”

If there was one person alive that could make me smile in the midst of agonizing pain, it would be Dean Winchester, but just as I breathed a sigh of relief, the power flashed again and I winced as the pick seemed to drive further down.

“Not unless you’re a tulpa.” I sighed as I grasped the bed, releasing the man in front of me and pushed up on the plush material, but the weakness made the room spin making me close my eyes tightly. 

I couldn’t seem to catch my breath, which was growing hard to capture with every beat of my heart and even though I knew that Dean was standing less than a foot away, there was nothing he could do for me.  I blinked, trying to orientate myself but it didn’t seem to make the room less of a merry-go-round and Dean’s hand grasped my arm to steady me.

“What do you need?” He whispered, his breath close to my ear, his heat radiating towards me. How could I say that I needed him to step away because the demon inside only saw him as a temptation but the pull in me just wanted him so much closer. 

“Cas,” I whispered and felt my knees go out. So much for getting up and moving my happy ass into something productive. The flutter of his wings brought the warmth of his light into the room and with the three of them there, the weakness in my body lessened especially as Cas slowly crouched down in front of me. I sighed at him, as he reached out and ran his fingers under my jaw. “I’m sorry to ask, because you’ve done so much for me.”

“I would always do anything for you, Ali,” his voice was soft, and I smiled because I wanted to say it was almost as if an angel was whispering, which was completely insane because one was. 

“It’s not going to be pretty or easy, but I need you to be into it.” I sighed, tilting my head into the feeling of his fingers. “It’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

“What the hell are you going to do with him?” Danni barked from behind the two men and I slowly raised my eyes to her.

“Something you’re not strong enough for, and I wish you were Dan, I really do, because I could use all the help I can get.” I replied. It came out harsh, too harsh and I wanted to take the words back as soon as I said them but she needed to know the truth, she wasn’t strong enough just yet, but I knew she would get there. “This is just not something you’re ready for, but I could use something else though.”

Danni gave me the oddest look, as my eyes closed slightly. Why did I want to sleep? Why did I just want to fade into the darkness, but her small, chilled hands lightly touched my cheek as I felt both men step back and I forced them open. The power flashed across my eyes, I could see it, and they were magnificent balls of light, of energy… of something good, but they were surrounded by my darkness and I doubled over against her hold as the pain shot through me again.

I don’t remember what Cas was whispering to her as his angelic figure leaned down behind her ear, whispering instructions, but it was the man that stood in the background, the one with the light that swirled through his body, touching every vein. A mimic of Sam’s red outline, but this was a bright blue-white light, and I watched as he crossed his arms.

Images of the man flashed in my head, so completely clear that I wasn’t sure if they were my memories or just something that was projected at me, but I saw him, really saw Dean the way my heart did. The first time I spotted him at the diner gave me a description of him, it didn’t tell me who he was, it didn’t let on what I needed to know about him, the connection didn’t click.

It was when he stood above me, the vampire’s head rolling on the ground and I stared into his green eyes, his drawn lips and the fierceness that he defended his brother, that look, that protective look turned on me as he looked down. It was just a split second, one that you miss in the moment, but his breathing was even, the hand that held the machete was relaxed and he spun the handle between his fingers, but he looked over my face, all the way down to the hand that held pressure on his brother, and I watched as he took in the injury. Those lips parted, as his eyes jumped back to mine, suddenly full of fear for only a second before he blinked and moved towards his brother. The sound of Sam’s name leaving his lips was breathless.

Light filled my eyes as I blinked backed the memory only to be assaulted with another one. 

_ “I have to go,” _ I whispered to him, but he reached down and took my arm, this was after we were able to get Sam semi-stable, the towels and wrap pressing on his wound, keeping the bleeding down, but I remembered the feeling of his hand on my skin, the way his fingers felt as if they danced a crossed it. His eyes were locked on mine, those green orbs were commanding but shocked, as if he might know the warmth that I was feeling at his touch. I watched his mouth, noticed the little movement, confusion in his words as the trust seemed to come to his eyes.

_ “I’m sorry,” he had said to me, in a voice that was firm but quiet, “but I can’t let you go.” _

The vision switched again and his eyes looked up at me questioningly from the little slip of paper in his hand, he was completely curious, like I was the most baffling thing he had ever met but his voice was deep with just the right amount of sarcasm.

_ “Where the hell am I supposed to find silk thread?” _

_ “The craft aisle,” I replied but the way he held in his frustration nearly killed me. _

_ “Lady, do I look crafty to you?” _

_ “Ali,” I answered, because “lady” was too much, but it sparked something in his eyes when I said it, “my name is Ali.” _

I felt him in the next one, the first time his arms wrapped around me was stuck in my memory, the way he held tight, arms holding me up even as the darkness threatened to take me over. 

_ “Easy there, wild child, no need to put yourself on the floor,” but those words weren’t the only thing that kept me standing, it was the strange vibration that came from him being so close. _

Jealousy had always been something I rarely understood, but the first time his protective streak shined through was at the car, before the arrows flew. I stood beside him, my eyes locked on his brother as Sam leaned against the Impala, but it was Dean’s huff that caught my attention.

_ “He’s not going to disappear and he can take care of himself.”  _

Why didn’t I catch on before that, why didn’t I really see it then?

Even when he confessed, there was still that little need that bothered both of us, that tugged us together, something that would continue to grow, but the first time he said it, why didn’t it register?

_ “You have feelings for Danni, that’s great, it’s amazing, I mean… but I still don’t get what it has to do with me?” I was so lost, so confused and so was he. _

_ “I need you,” he sighed, and the sound of it was as if he were letting out the biggest revelation he had ever had. “I need to know you’re safe.” _

The demon nearly killed me as the memory went dark and I could feel the way that things just seemed to fade from my mind, like something was blocking me, blocking my light. I could feel his hands on me, holding me up as the darkness threatened to take me again, Zane was playing with my heart and Dean was at the center of it.

_ “Dean, please,” it was all I could do to whisper, “stop.” _

_ “Not a chance in hell, stopping means he gets you, and I’m not going to let that happen,” his voice was like a power onto its own, something that grounded me, that kept me going. “I need you, Kid, and I’m not letting go.” _

_ He gave me the will to fight, to keep going, and I heard the soft growl of my own words, “then finish it.” _

The visions seemed to stop, blackness taking over and then all I heard were the words, Dean’s words in his voice, still reverberating in my head, still pushing me to fight.

_ “Stop with the death wish, stop with the anger, and stop assuming I want you dead! I need you Ali, as much as I need Danni and Sam, I need you!” _

_ “I don’t hate you, Ali, I hate that I couldn’t save you from this, from having to be the one to do this. I wish you would understand…” the pinprick of light held on in the distance, just long enough for his words to come through, “I love you.” _

I didn’t see it, not until it was almost too late. No matter what I did, he didn’t leave my side, no matter how bad everything got he was always there for me, like Sam, like Danni… like Cas. Dean was tethered to me way before June. He kept me grounded with his anger, his nature and I almost lost it so many times, but this time I wasn’t going to let the darkness take over, I wouldn’t allow it.

The light at the end of the darkness seemed to come just a little closer and I felt a warm hand on my cheek, his hand. I could see his eyes burrowing into my soul, that was the moment that sealed everything, that one little moment that felt so long ago.

_ “I meant what I said Dean,” was what my voice whispered. _

_ “So did I.” he replied, but that deep sound didn’t seem to come from inside my memories anymore, it came from somewhere else, somewhere just on the edge of my thoughts. “I love you, nothing’s going to change that, and nothing is going to come between us.” They were just words, like he was talking to himself, or talking out loud to me, “when this is over, when we finish this, you and I, we’re going to figure out us.” _

I almost felt the brush of his lips against mine, the rush of feelings that came with it and every time I told him to stop, it was because I wanted to do it more. I needed him more, not in a sexual way, not like Sam, but the connection had grown so deep that every little touch seemed to just make the need a little deeper.

I could feel the heat of the light as it rushed at me, burning through the darkness, coming at me with every memory that filled my thoughts, with every emotion. I felt him. And just as it began to burn through my vision, I reached out along the connection and listened to the rhythmic thump of his heartbeat in my ear.

“Dean,” I breathed softly, about the same time his mind screamed out for his brother.

_ “SAM!”  _ It echoed out into the vastness, but it bounced back like a beacon and I knew just what I needed to do.

The feeling was something that I had only experienced once before, when I delved into projection to lead the others to where Zane was creating his army but this time I wasn’t alone on my plane. I floated above him as he fell forward, his hand locked down on me, his fingers gripping on my arm as my eyes stared up at my astral form, bright bluish-white, like the grace of the angel beside me, and Danni backed away. 

Cas leaned over the unconscious Winchester, gently shaking him, his hand on Dean’s cheek. He whispered to him, some sort of angelic phrase, maybe a prayer in Enochian but it wasn’t something I understood, and that was just before he looked up at me. UP not over, his eyes locking on my position above them before I was suddenly jetting off across the town.

The path was familiar but this time I could feel the mind of my companion, whether he was consciously or unconsciously aware of what was going on didn’t register but I could hear his heartbeat in my ear. The steady sound of it was grounding.

_ Cas, _ I whispered, feeling him try to block Dean as the thump of it started to fade.  _ Block the pain, but don’t take him, I need him. _

_ Ali? _ Dean’s voice was weak but still at the edge of my thoughts as my feet touched down in the same building, no the same room, that Zane had Dean in.

_ Hold on, Dean, just for a a few minutes, I know where we are.  _ I pleaded with him, needed that connection, wanted him to keep the strength going.

I opened my eyes, watched the symbol below my feet shimmer in this strange astral plane before I followed the line up to the quiet length of the man that lay there. I could see Sam from where I stood, his hand and feet loose, no bonds holding him in anyway, but he was beaten and bloody, definitely unconscious.

Dean’s anger flowed along the edge and I tried sending him soothing thoughts, letting him know that I could sense the younger man’s… energy, could you call it that? His body let off this slow pulse that seemed to make my heart skip the closer I got. 

I edged up the line, realizing that I was following the southwestern line of the Devil’s trap, towards the man in the middle. I could feel Dean jumping, wanting more than anything to get to Sam, but I held him back, kept him buckled down, until I stopped dead and my eyes moved from Sam’s still form to the woman who stepped out of the darkness. NO not stepped, sashayed like she was the hottest thing since sliced bread and she smiled at me with bright red lips.

Dean growled in my ear, sending shivers through my body.

_ Easy, tiger.  _ I whispered towards that spark at the edge of my thoughts and while I could almost feel him puff up, like he was sticking out his chest, posturing like an invisible man, I also felt him ease back. 

I watched her for a moment as she made her way forward but I stayed my ground, within a yard of Sam. She looked me over, those bright blue eyes taking in everything that I was and I felt the power flash through me, a mix of me, Dean, and Danni and slowly the smile faded. A cruel angry grimace crossed her face, and she reached out her hand, clenched her fist and sent me flying back.

I got to my feet, lowered my eyes as I felt the heat flow down to my fingers, as if Dean were standing right behind me, his body solidly against mine and he took my hand within the palm of his. With a cruel grin forming on my lips, I raised it slowly, my eyes following the movement and pushed every ounce of power I had towards the woman in black. 

Ever see those slow motion shows, the ones like the Matrix where they do these moves and the person bends all the way back at the knees, top of their head touching the floor behind them. Yep, that’s what she did and it was creepy, because when the flash of it stopped kicking her ass she bounced back like a kids punching bag.

She sent out a wave of her own, knocking me square in the stomach. Yeah, I had hurt her but this was too much, she was so much more powerful, but the way she hit me gave me insight into what she could do because it felt like she was using all that she had. I stayed my ground just long enough to see where she was, just outside the circle.  _ Outside _ the lines, and I stashed that in the back of my head for future reference before she socked me with another assault, this time it hurt like a bitch.

The feeling of being pushed off the line, out of the circle sent the icy feeling straight to the center of my heart and I heard myself scream, though it seemed detached and distant, but my eyes opened wide and I stared at Cas, before my eyes lowered to Danni’s. She looked as exhausted as I felt as her hands fell away and I turned my gaze to the fluttering eyes of the man on the floor.

Dean took a quick deep breath, as if he had been denied the oxygen for so long and he turned in the spot to look up at me. Quickly on his knees, his hands went straight to my face. The darkness had faded just a bit, it didn’t flash through me, in fact, I felt a little off but I knew where Sam was and I knew what condition he was in.

I lowered my eyes from those green ones that tried so hard to check me over, I didn’t want him to see the anger in me, feel that darkness anymore. He had been too close to it, but when he pressed his thumb under my chin and gave me a nudge to tilt my head back, all I could do is take a deep breath and look at him.

“We’ll get him back,” he whispered softly, wanting more than anything to believe his own words, but he had seen how bad off his brother was, and how strong the monster that held him could be.

“Are you hurt?” I questioned, which made him smile as he pushed my hair back from my face, cupping my cheek as he kissed my forehead.

“No,” it was soft and just enough to convince me that he was alright before he pulled me into his arms. His warmth surrounded me with a feeling of safety but when I looked at Cas, I felt what the angel had done, what he has helped Danni accomplish and my eyes lit up, the room around me began to glow. Dean shivered as the light flowed through our connection. “Ali?”

“She’s got Sam at the warehouse,” I informed Cas, but heard Dean’s low growl as my ear pressed against his chest.

“You’re not strong enough, Ali,” Cas warned, which was fine, he was telling the truth and I loved that because I knew there was no way I was going to defeat her on my own, not without help, which is why my eyes landed on Danni with a smile.

“We don’t have to be stronger to stop her, we just have to be smarter.”

~~~~~

It wasn’t three hours later, three long hours that took too much of my time to think about, and I was standing in the doorway of the open room once again, this time live and in living color. I was alone, but not… if that makes any sense. I could hear Dean from where I stood, feel Cas from where he watched and Danni’s light seemed to shimmer from the direction she was taking. I was in no way  _ alone _ .

With a deep breath, I stepped into the darkness, glanced up at the lights and reached over, flipping on the switch to illuminate the room. My heart skipped and my breath caught as I looked at the man who lay on the hard concrete floor. His breathing was even, which meant he was either out or not in too much pain, my initial thought was to go with the first option but I didn’t reach out for him didn’t want to get a response that might make the tulpa jump before everything was in place.

We had a plan, probably not the most well laid one but with Sam in trouble, I didn’t want one without holes in it, I needed one that I could move around, shuffle pieces but there was absolutely one thing I did need out of this train-wreck of a move, I needed to be able to get to  _ him. _

The lights seemed to spark as I moved closer, one step at a time and my first thought was when Cas made his entrance onto the show, sparks flying and barn doors opening wide. Yeah that was badass, and totally my angel, but this was something altogether different, this was our power, our time and we were up against something that none of us really knew about. 

A thought-form with the ability to shift, to become the monsters that we fought, without having any clue as to where it might have came from in the first place besides the symbol mixed into Asmodeus’ little devil’s trap for his offspring.  I kicked myself for that, I really did, for not looking closer at the symbol but there was something interesting about it now. I wondered if he had this planned all along.

I stopped at the edge of the trap, my hand going to the handle of the blade that was strapped to my side. Yep, the spectrum had followed me right into battle again, and this time she had a purpose.  With a deep breath, eyes on Sam, and feelers out to the rest of the group, I raised my right hand, one that pulsed with power instead of the heat of the pebble and held it directly over the line of the circle. I watched it shimmer under me, but otherwise remain invisible.

I looked down smiling and raised a brow as I whispered, “ manufesto.”

Watching the magic start just below my hand, a bright orange light began to travel, like a row of dominoes being knocked over in waves, it moved in either direction, traveling around the circle that Dean and I so carefully laid, but as soon as it hit the points of the star, it traveled up them as well. Once the lines connected the sigils inside them started to glow and finally, I watched it all come together, all connect under Sam’s still unmoving body.

I heard clapping as it hummed with the power that I set forth and slowly, my eyes moved to look at the woman, the monster who stepped from the darkness. Her heels clicked on the floor, and she squared her shoulders as she stopped at the other end of the circle.

“Finally,” she whispered, “after so much difficulty, you remembered.”

“I don’t know what you were hoping to accomplish with all that remember crap that you kept pushing at me. The only thing it did was show me a past that included the men that were already in my life.” I shrugged.

“It gave you so much more than that,” she shrugged, “or didn’t you notice.”

“I noticed that the four of us were in the same place a whole lot more than we ever thought. I noticed that no matter what we did, we always seemed to know who the other one was and that we were connected. Sort of like now, so was I supposed to figure out something else out?” I looked at her just a bit confused as she smiled.

“It was always a hunt, or when you were alone, or involved John, the very man who sent you on this path to begin with.”

“So, that was kind of expected.” I was waiting for the big reveal. “Wanna give me something that I didn’t pick up on?”

“I watched you every time it happened.” Okay, this I got a kick out of. 

“You watched me?” I smiled, and shook my head. “You watched me touch Mary’s stomach and hold Dean’s hand, offer Skittles to the boy with the anger in his eyes, watched the self-hatred fall way when I touched his bloody hand, the smile when we looked at each other across the hood or when I called Dean names for dropping a package of eggs on me? You watched that? Okay, so I’ll bite, where were you?”

“I was in your mind, I was controlling what you remembered, what you didn’t. Did you honestly think that the little potion I gave John to make Dean forget was the only way of keeping you safe? And how did it work on you if the boy was the only one taking it?”

Wait… I blinked at her, kind of dumbstruck for just a second. She gave John the potion. No! That wasn’t right, my grandmother gave it to him. I tried to process everything but there wasn’t time as I watched her make her way around the circle, careful not to step into it, another little thought to store away.

My eyes went straight to her, ignoring everything that she had said. “Where is my grandmother’s grimoire?”

“Right where it should be, Alison.” Her voice, it was so familiar all of a sudden, so much like one I used to know. 

My breath caught as I thought back to a memory of John, a memory of me sneaking down the stairs and my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. John’s voice echoed in my ear.

_ “They saw each other, Doris, they touched and it’s already started,” he growled at my grandmother.  “Dean hasn’t stopped asking about her since the river, so whatever the hell you have to do to stop it, do it now.” _

_ “It’s not something that I did, John, it’s written in the stars.”  _

“Gram?” I whispered and looked at the woman before me. I wondered why she looked so familiar, even from the first time I saw here, I thought I was looking at me, that this face was something that I had dreamt up but it wasn’t the case, I was looking at a younger version of my grandmother. “Why? Why did you do this? All of this?”

“You were meant for so much more, like I told John, it was written in the stars, you and Dean, but he wanted to stop it, he wanted to make it different, to keep you away from each other, and now,” she looked back at Sam, “now you’ve gone and fallen in love with that one? I can’t let that happen, you are destined for so much more.  The younger one wasn’t meant for you, he was meant for your cousin.”

“For Danni?” I blinked, searching her out, knowing she was listening, but then I thought of Dean’s words. You can’t help who you feel in love with, no matter the connection to the other and that was just it, that was what made us so strong. We loved who we needed too. I needed Sam, Danni needed Dean and what the two of us had together just built up the walls a little bit higher. I looked at her, at the younger version of my grandmother and gave her a little shake of my head. “So you tried to change it, tried everything to make it the way you wanted it to be. The God Killer blades? Was that something you came up with too?”

“You and Danni were destined for those blades, a prophecy that our line tried to make come true for generations, but you did the one thing that we never expected you to do. You made them all forget.” Doris, Grandma, was fast approaching and I was still looking at Sam. “You see, you never saw the other half of that whole fiasco, which I admit Crowley botched just as much as you did. He wasn’t supposed to help you know, he was supposed to keep you safe until the time came to help you unleash the powers but he wasn’t supposed to care about you.”

“Care about me? I’m sorry, have you met Crowley?” I laughed, and felt the tug on the tether, feeling Dean approaching, his anger flowing through me.

“Oh yes, and before you, before Danni, he didn’t have a speck of protectiveness in him. It’s why we called him, you know. He was just a demon on a mission, one that wanted nothing but power.” She was spouting off stuff now and I was kind of relieved since I needed the distraction to think about what to do next since, you know how the most well-laid plans go. 

“You didn’t know we had met before, did you?” I smiled at this. She had never known about Crowley’s interaction with my father at the Gun Shop, she had no idea he had claimed me as his own before she summoned him to the fire. Hold on, yep, my brain just kicked into gear. “That’s why he came to you, no questions asked. That’s why he was so eager to get involved with this. You didn’t have a clue.”

“That he had staked a claim, no, not at that point.” Ramble on, old woman, I just needed a few more minutes.  “He didn’t even give a hint that he knew anything about you, or your link to the Winchesters, not until he came to claim what was his.”

“Probably even put it in the contract that previous interactions didn’t make it null and void, didn’t he.” Oh, how I smiled at the King of Hell now. He told me I was a thousand times more protected before all of this started and now I knew why. “So what now? Are you expecting to bring back the God Killers, to ignite the powers by what, changing up the chemistry? Switching Danni to Team Sam, come on, you know us right? The four of us? You know that’s not going to happen.”

“No, I’m done playing this little game,” she sighed and would it be wrong to hope it was exactly what I was counting on. My grandmother was never one for frustration, especially when it turned all her plans upside down. “You belong to Dean, so I think I’m just going to kill this one and get him out of the way.”

“Sorry, Gram,” I grinned as I stepped over the line, bringing everything I had into the circle and I watched her eyes grow wide, because for some reason she just didn’t expect me to put myself in a devil’s trap, being that the demon side of me was rearing its ugly head. I pulled the blade from its sheath and twirled the handle in the palm of my hand. “That’s just not going to happen.”

I would have heard her scream, if the sound hadn’t been so damn loud, but as I brought the spectrum up, wrapped both hands around it and brought it plunging down into the concrete, the sonic boom that it made when the tip connected with the stone was so overpowering that it shook the whole room.  Power blasted out from that one spot, right where the edge cracked the tulpa sigil in half as the blade buried itself deep within the fibers underneath my feet. 

When I raised my eyes from the sparks as the power drained from the sigil, I watched the anger spread to those bright blue eyes. She was beyond pissed but her magic seemed to wane just a bit. I moved from my blade, leaving it sticking out of the ground, like the sword in the stone and I backed up to where Sam lay.

She was seething, her teeth clenched as she watched me and when I crouched down by his head, when I felt the warmth of his body as my hand lay on his cheek, she growled. I didn’t care, I was inside the circle and she was out, so I sat down on the cold floor, trapped by my own doing and I pulled Sam close, resting his head on my lap as I ran my hand through his hair.

I thought I had lost all of the magic once inside the trap, but the more I traced his features the more I felt the white light of Danni and Cas flow through me and I thought back to the room, to the plan that we had come up with three hours before.

Sitting on the floor trapped between the ends of the bed and the dressers, not any farther from the spot that I had fallen, the four of us stared down at the folded piece of paper that I had pulled from my pocket.

“This?” Dean questioned, his voice in that  _ I can’t believe you’re even suggesting this _ kind of tone that made me give him just a crooked smile, “you’re going up against a Tulpa, one with enough power to kick your astral ass and this is what you’re going with?”

“I’m sorry to say,” Cas spoke up, “he has a point.”

“Would you guys give me two seconds to explain?” I rolled my eyes and glanced at Danni. “A little help here?”

“You’re kidding right?” She snarked, “I’m with them, I think you’re a little off your rocker.”

“Okay, seriously, I just wanna get Sam back, and it’s the only way I know how to do it.” I shrugged.

“By trapping yourself inside the circle with a blade?” Dean shook his head. “I should just knock your ass out and go in alone.”

“You can’t do that,” I warned and took a deep breath. “Listen according to the paper, the tulpa sigil needs to be destroyed, we all know that, it’s in the lore, but with the fact that this one is attached to a devil’s trap, we have to go at it a whole different way, and if I’m right, it will power it down, not destroy it.”

“Okay, so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you know something you’re not letting us in on,” Danni spoke up.

“Well, I’m not positive, but I don’t think this particular thought-form came from any of us.” I sighed.

“Really?” Dean growled. “It’s only been attacking you since the jump but you don’t think it came from, say… you?”

“No, it’s been too erratic, and the memories, they’re off.” I looked up at him as his knee brushed my thigh, his little way of staying connected, and his eyes locked on mine.  “Think about it. My memories came back, Sam knew about everything, including Danni, way before you did, Danni had them already but just not the feeling behind them, so why did she save you for last? Why keep you out of the loop? That’s not me, I went to you first because I needed too, I needed you to know because I knew you would either tell me I was off the wall and send me home or you would get it. If it  _ was _ me, you would have had the whole lock, stock and barrel right from the go, but you didn’t.”

“No, it waited,” he snapped and suddenly got the point, “it waited until there was no choice but to give it to all of us.”

“So see, totally not me.” I grouched and reached up, grabbing the spectrum off the bed. Unsheathing it, I placed it on the floor between us and looked up at Cas. “Remember when I said I needed you for something and it might hurt like a bitch?”

“Vividly,” he mumbled. 

“She needs something a little extra, Cas, something that will break through stone, something that can destroy a mark in the midst of something very powerful.” I looked down at the blade, knew all the protection spells on it, but I knew it needed more.

“You want me to power up your blade?” My eyes snapped up to his.

“I need you to give it everything you got.” 

Cas took a deep breath, reached out with his hand and picked the blade up from the floor. He rested the cold steel across his palms and closed his eyes, concentrating on the item he held, but just as the light began to glow around the blade, I saw the grimace of pain spread across his face. 

It was sealed against angels, demons and anything supernatural, so in order to give it the strength to break a spell, Cas had to break down the ones on it, which meant enduring the pain that came with it. I felt my heart start to race, I knew there was nothing I could do to help him but just as I thought he had gotten to his limit, that he had enough, his eyes opened wide, blazing with the bright white light of his grace and all I remember was a flash and the warmth of his soul before the room went dark.


	43. DH Remembrance - 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this, at least one more in Remembrance. Thank you all for taking this journey with me, it's been a hell of a ride. There is another book in the works, but currently it's just an outline with one chapter finished. There have been a lot of things going on. Mainly, we're filming a series, or trying to, also titled Dark Hunters. (We didn't get the okay to use anyone from Supernatural or the elements of the show, two brothers on a hunting trip, so the series is a completely different take on reality. Check it out on Twitter @The_DarkHunters. Also Instagram and Facebook @darkhunterstheseries.) Enjoy.

**hapter 43**

To save myself from falling

The light came back to me, and I found myself still sitting in the warehouse, Sam’s head on my lap, but the light, it flowed through me, flowed to him and I watched with a smile as it burned under my fingers. His wounds healed, his bruises faded and I felt him stir, his cheek brushing my leg as I looked up at the wicked face of the woman outside the circle.

“That’s not possible.” she growled and paced along the line.  Apparently, a lot of things weren’t supposed to be possible.

“I said that when this whole thing started,” I whispered, looking down as Sam’s eyes slowly opened. “This wasn’t supposed to happen at all, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.” Those oceans locked on mine. “I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Ali,” he whispered, his voice just this side of weary and I took a deep breath. He sat up, looked around the circle and he focused on the woman just outside of it. “What the hell is going on?”

“Sam, meet my grandmother,” I smirked and watched the anger fill his eyes. He made it up to his knees and brought his hands to my face, fingers ghosting over my skin as they came to rest just behind my ear, his thumb grazing over my cheeks.

“This is not safe,” he breathed softly and I nodded.

“I know,” I licked my lips, the power that was leftover from when Cas and Danni had used their magic to keep the darkness at bay was slowly fading and I could feel the heat begin to turn within my veins. “We need to get you out of here.”

“No,” he shook his head, not anything that I wouldn’t have expected from him, he was a Winchester after all. “We need to get us out of here, I’m not leaving you.”

“Typical man,” I snarked, “do I look like a damsel in distress to you?”

He wasn’t at all happy with the fact that I was joking and his face told me so, but it slowly changed to one of recognition, to one that understood just what I was doing and his lips quickly descended upon mine as I leaned into his kiss.

Doris roared again, the impatient bitch was still stuck outside the circle but the sound tore Sam away as he looked over at her. In a whisper, he came close enough to my ear to feel the heat of his breath. 

“Where’s Dean?” And I thought I heard him growl. Did he really think his brother would have let me walk into this unprepared or alone for that matter and I pulled back but only winked. I wasn’t sure if she was listening but I knew one thing, she wasn’t getting in on the plan. “I’m going to kick his ass.”

“Hmm, that sounds like fun,” I winked and turned towards the woman, “do you think we could finish her off first?”

Sam’s gaze moved over to her and I watched the cold anger form on his face. This was the Sam I knew, the dark hunter that became cold and calculated at the thought of fighting a monster. It was the one reason he was so afraid to touch, to let go, because he didn’t think that cold capability stopped after the hunt was done, but I knew better, I knew just what he was able to do, how in control he was.

“Gladly,” he replied, a deep throated growl that made every part of me tingle. He stood, pulling me to my feet as he did the same but when he went to move out of the center of the trap, I held him back. He looked down at me curiously, but all I gave him was just a little shake of my head.

_ Cas _ ? I whispered, glancing around for the angel.  _  This is going to get real ugly, really quick if she’s not contained. How do I do that? I can’t get out and Sam… if Sam steps over that line, she has him again. _

Sam’s expression told me he knew just what was going on. It was the same look that Dean got when he was talking to the angel, but this hunter didn’t like to be in the dark, not on this and I squeezed his hand the best I could.

“Come with me,” Cas’ voice spoke up from behind us and Sam whipped around to look at the blue eyes of the black-haired man. Sam took a deep breath, not sure what to do but all I did was raise a brow. There was a plan, I swear there was, and as he huffed out, Cas reached up and the two of them disappeared.

“Looks like you’re all alone now,” Doris snarked as she crossed her arms, those boots making an annoying noise along the concrete and I shook my head. 

“You should know that you’re never alone when you’re tied to someone, I mean, you made sure of that, right.” I shrugged as I moved closer to the line once more, following her movement as I matched her steps. “Making sure that Dean and I were connected, hell, I’m sure even the tether was your idea somehow.”

“No, that one I can’t take credit for,” she grinned, “but imagine my surprise when I found out that Dean Winchester had linked his life to you even more than it already was.”

“It was supposed to be Sam.”

“A lot of things were supposed to be Sam, didn’t you notice?” She laughed, “supposed to be but instead they became Dean.  Sam was supposed to save you from the vampires, but he didn’t, Dean did. Sam was supposed to keep you safe from the demons, but Dean did. Sam was supposed to love you, need you, be your soulmate, but he wasn’t… Dean was.”

“I refuse to get into a debate with you on what Sam does or doesn’t do, in fact, I refuse to get into it at all with you, on either man, but what I would like to know is why? Why are you doing this? Why insert yourself into a spell in a 500-year-old book? Why create the tulpa?” 

She stopped to look at me and smiled, “angels.”

“All of this BS, and you’re going with angels?” I laughed, “what exactly does angels have to do with any of this?”

“When you made your little deal with Castiel, he needed help, lots of help, didn’t Gadreel tell you? He had to go to other angels to get the power he needed, he even had to go to Death to make sure that you didn’t end up where you weren’t supposed to, so who do you think they looked to when they needed that kind of power?” She grinned like she had just won the lottery, and I rolled my eyes, shook my head and hoped that everyone had everything locked down so we could get on with this. “There was one little problem with the deal.”

“What, you didn’t get your AARP membership on time?” 

“They botched the way the boys remembered John’s death.” This stopped me in my tracks. 

Sam said it was brutal, that he was the one that had to do it, that it was all him and not Dean but what did that mean to her, how did they botch it?

“Sam was supposed to hate his brother after that, Dean was meant to come in at the end and try to stop him, but it never happened, Dean and Sam may have gone their separate ways but the brothers didn’t hate each other, they didn’t despise each other enough to keep you from seeking out the other when you came looking.”

“Okay, so you give them the idea of making John’s death a thousand times worse just so Dean would keep me from Sam?” I smiled, crossed my arms and shook my head. “That’s pretty freaking low. And let me guess, it was all because I was meant to be with Dean?”

“It was…”

“If you say  _ written in the stars _ one more freaking time, I swear I’m going to take your eyes out with a damn spoon!” I growled and watched her just snicker.  “You obviously don’t get how this whole family thing works.”

“And you do?” She laughed, “wanting one brother, having the other, and oh yes, throwing a little angel in on the side. My, my Alison, I really did raise you right.”

“You didn’t raise me at all, in fact, the most you ever did for me was summon a demon that gave me the very knowledge I need to kick your ass right here and now, Grandma!” I barked at her and watched as she rushed at me. This was what I was waiting for because she was so distracted by the anger, she forgot about the line and just as she was about to wrap her hands around my throat, I grabbed her wrists and pulled her across the line.

She screamed in pain as she entered the devil’s trap but it didn’t slow her down any. And so began our dance. She swung, I ducked, she weaved, I countered, we each got our blows in but there was no clear winner. In fact it wasn’t until I felt the others enter the room that I had any thoughts of looking away but I felt the pull as Dean watched, his usual steady beat thumped loudly in my ear and I pushed it away.

They had been releasing the wards, the ones that were put up to begin with and with just a few simple words, everything would come crashing down but that would mean getting to that point. I stepped in time, trying to remember where I was on the edge of that line and for a moment I forgot.

I saw the flash before I felt it, the blade that she pulled from the back of her belt, and just as suddenly as it appeared, it disappeared, plunging deep into my side, just about the same spot that the God Killer had dug in.

I stopped dead in my tracks, looked down as she grinned evilly at me and turned my head slowly towards Dean, whose eyes were wide with shock. Sam stepped up besides him, the younger Winchester screamed out in disbelief, but it was Cas that held him back as he made for the line.

Dean breathed through parted lips as he turned around and dipped into the darkness. Taking my eyes off of Sam, I looked in the opposite direction as Danni stepped into the circle, a blade of her own design, one that I had seen on her person but hadn’t gotten a good look at was twisting in her hand.

Sam’s voice, deep with pain broke through the encroaching darkness as Doris stepped back and turned towards the new hunter. I felt my knees give out, the pain of the blade seemed to burn and while I expected the cold to start creeping up on me, I was surprised to feel nothing as my knees hit the floor.

Dean stepped up to the line, he reached a hand out to me, book open on the floor beside him and I shook my head.

“Read it,” I whispered to him, and watched as his brow creased in worry, confusion and he licked his lips, a sign that he was unsure as to what to do next but he heard Sam, his eyes going back to the way his brother wrestled against the immovable angel. Those green eyes rested on me once more. “Dean,” I whispered, there was no need for yelling because he wasn’t going to hear me anyway, he just needed to see my lips move. “Read it.”

His lips quivered as he brought the book up to his lap and his eyes stayed locked on mine until those words flowed from his lips, recited perfectly in Latin, but I only heard them in English, they only registered in one language, even as my eyes threatened to close. I had to hold on, I needed to make it through this. I couldn’t sacrifice again and leave them alone.

“What has come to pass, need be no more, from angel’s grace to demon’s door, let what was cast, now undo, with blood and fire, this spell remove.” 

Was it that simple, really, it sounded so much better in Latin, but I knew what had to happen next as he brought the zippo up and flicked at the flint. I grabbed the hilt of the blade, my eyes landing on his once more and slowly withdrew it. Blood seeped from the wound, coating my hand and just as I let the blade drop, so did the lighter.

It went up fast and hard, the revealed magic of the devil’s trap sparked a wall of flames that followed it around the circle so high that Sam, Dean and Cas disappeared behind it. Doris screamed again, always with the screaming and I slowly made it to my feet to find her and Danni once again moving in that same step-kick-step routine that I had just been through. The one difference was obvious, Danni held the weapon this time, she had the upper hand, so I hoped.

I moved at them, the best I could, but when Doris sensed I was close, she whipped around. With Danni on one side of her and I on the other, you would have thought she would be panicking but all she did was smile. 

Crap, this couldn’t be good at all.

So, maybe I didn’t think this  _ all _ the way through, but I did get a good portion of it covered. This part, yeah, this I didn’t expect, especially when the old bat decided that she was going to wave her hand and send me flying through the air, straight through the fire and against the wall of the room. 

Sam was instantly at my side, hand pressed against the seeping wound that had me down for the count but even as unconsciousness threatened, no more like begged to take over, there was no way that I could give in.

“What the hell were you thinking?” He whispered, his voice so full of sadness that I couldn’t help but look up at him. My fingers pressed against his cheek but I didn’t say a word.

Dean slid in on the other side of me, his hand going right to Sam’s thinking that if he pressed hard enough as well that he would stop the flow but his eyes were going back to the ring of fire and I knew just what he was thinking.

“Cas,” was the only thing I could get out and I was sure they were tired of hearing his name from my lips, but Dean seemed to get the point way before Sam did.

“I’ll find him,” Dean whispered, pressing my hair back from my face, “I swear, Kid, I’ll find him, and we’ll get you fixed up.”

Dean looked at Sam, and the non-verbal stuff exchanged told me that they both were not impressed by this state of affairs.  Sam took a bloody hand from my stomach, as Dean quickly left my side, and ran it through the unruly locks of my hair, his lips suddenly going to my temple.

“Don’t leave me, Ali,” he spoke softly.

“Not my intention, Sam,” I laughed as I watched the red color coat his hand, but I looked up into his eyes, “never my intention.”

Dean once again slid back to my side, eyes wide and panicked and he shook his head. Sam looked over his brother’s face, knowing just what was going on without even asking but Dean stared down at me.

“I can’t,” he whispered, and I smiled, nodding.

“I can,” I grinned and suddenly placed my hand on his thigh, digging deep with my nails as I closed my eyes and pulled the light from him. I heard Dean moan… moan mind you, and not in pain as he suddenly realized what was going on. The heat from the man beside me matched the ones that Danni and Cas let off when they pushed their magic to me.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice questioned and I was quick to grab onto him as well, needing both to make sure that this sealed well and good. The noise that flowed from Sam was so much more interesting and one I knew well as he groaned through clenched teeth.

I could feel the wound sealing, just on the edge of closed when their magic started to dissipate. The blood still flowed, there was no way I was going into this half-healed and still bleeding, but I felt him as I slowly released the boys, letting them come back into their own, and my eyes flew open as his hands locked down on my legs. 

Cas crouched there, eyes brightly lit up as his lips turned into a sly smile and he pushed his grace towards me. Blinding heat raced up my body right to that slice and I arched up away from the wall. I felt Dean’s hand on my arm, the other on the back of my neck as Sam’s forehead touched mine, but when the angel let go, when Cas backed away, and I opened my eyes, all I saw was my darkness.

“Ali,” Dean growled, “control it.”

“No,” I whispered, “I’m done, this is what she brought us into this world for, it’s time for her to get a taste of the power she helped create.”

“Please,” Dean pleaded, something that I never expected to hear from him, but instead of it being a plea for reason, it was something completely different. “Annihilate the bitch and bring Danni out alive.”

I smiled in his direction, feeling Sam’s kiss along the side of my face, and gently I traced Dean’s jaw.

“Oh, that I most certainly can do.”

Cas pulled me to my feet, his grace just a little less bright in the wake of the energy he had given off, but when I looked at Sam, the want in my body shivered. He was a crimson red that swirled with black mist, something that I couldn’t deny and as his blood red hand came down to rest on my neck, I closed my eyes, letting his lips crash against mine in a heated kiss.

This, this is what I needed to survive and when I backed away, I glanced at each of them once more before turning my sights to the fire that raged before me. 

I heard the sounds from beyond the wall, felt the fight going out of the other woman. Danni couldn’t hold on for much longer, but as I stopped just on the edge of the line, feeling the heat of the flames, I couldn’t help the smile that rose on my cheeks.

All I felt was hate, all that pulsed through me was anger and death and destruction and all I saw were demons. The demons from the alley, the ones from the storage rooms, the ones that I had hunted before the darkness took over, and all that I remembered was the feeling I got when I put that blade to them.

With a deep breath, with eyes that pulse with the fire inside me, I stepped forward and watched as the wall of flames parted, as if they were curtains and I was able to step right through. What I saw when the wall blazed behind me once more was Danni holding her own, swinging with everything she had as she kept on moving the woman away from the edge, her eyes bright with angel grace and I knew beyond anything that she was definitely the light.

Looking down, I sought out the blade that had pierced my side but I found nothing, and that was when I noticed that Doris had it once again. The spell on the circle had locked up her magic, but she could still fight. Though my curiosity on how my grandmother, who had died when I was twenty, was now kicking around in a hot new meat suit almost distracted me, it was quickly squashed when I smiled at the spectrum blade and the way the fired danced off her oily colors. 

With a grin that would have told most people to stay away, I quietly walked over, wrapped my hand around the handle and yanked straight upwards. That was when Doris turned to me, when the power of the spectrum left the symbol, it seemed to set off a tingle in her spidey sense and I watched as she came straight at me. 

Letting Danni get a few breaths in, I took on the old hag myself and listened as the blades clashed against each other, sparks flew, but the fire never lessened.  I heard her growl, like she was becoming some sort of animal and the more determined she became to end me, the more I watched her exterior become more and more of the monsters we had fought. And that gave me just the idea I needed.

_ Cas, she’s a shifter! _ I sent out to him. Not sure why he was the only one on the line that I could reach but I knew that the tether didn’t connect Dean and I that way nor did it remotely tie Danni and I together but there was just something about the angel that had me jumping in my skin.  _ She’s shifting, but not like any skinwalker we’ve ever come across, she’s powerful. _

I felt the edge of my mind, I felt a new sensation and turned to look at Danni who was staring at her with some strange ideas of her own. When the woman across the way looked up at me, just enough of a glance that had me on the same train of thought, I gave her a little wink and swung at Doris, driving her back.

The woman was strong, I would give her that much but she was putting on the brakes and holding my swings without issue now. I stepped up to her, the edge of the blade against my throat as my vision clouded to red.

“You’re so much more powerful than her, why don’t you just end Danni and take her power?” Doris questioned, thought I wasn’t really sure it was Doris anymore.

“You don’t get it, you never have.” I growled, and yes this time it was an actual growl as the demon in me broke through, “family isn’t always blood, she is who I choose, you… you’re nothing. Besides, why take her power, when I can just as easily take yours.”

“You can have her love, take him as much as you want him, keep him and yours for yourself.” This made me laugh because she was still on this kick, and I wanted to roll my eyes, hell I would have rolled my head if it had made a difference.

“I don’t have to take him, I already have Dean, just the way I need him.” I snapped and gave her a push, wanting to see how much she would budge.  “Is that the same line of bull you gave her? Take Sam and make him your own, do away with me and have both?” I smiled as I pushed her again, but this time I looked just slightly over her shoulder.  “Didn’t work, did it?”

“Oh she was so much more susceptible to the idea that she could take yours and make him her own, it definitely got her thinking.” The witch replied.

“You know what has me thinking?” I whispered as I leaned in towards the blade. “That you talk too much.” 

Danni wrapped her hand around the woman’s throat, took the tip of her blade and pressed it in towards her heart and pulled her away from me, but that didn’t stop the draw of the demon within, it didn’t stop me from lashing out as Danni held the witch captive.

“You did this to us, you made us who we are, you gave us the power to do with what we needed to survive,” I whispered, trying to breath through the shrinking light, the fire seemed to be fading as the darkness took over. Danni was brilliant, a light that I couldn’t shy away from, but this thing in front of her was something I didn’t understand, I just knew it had to go. “You put two boys in our path, two men in our lives and you say what we feel isn’t real, it should be the other way around. What do you know? What do you get from it? We’re right where we need to be, with who we need to be with and there is one thing that monsters don’t seem to understand,” I got right up in her face as my vision took on the edge of a red hue. “We’re just as dark as they are.”

Without hesitation, I plunged my curled fingers into the woman’s chest. It seemed easier than it should have and the sneer faded from my lips as Danni backed away, releasing her hold, slipping the blade down as she watched me. I felt my fingers break bones, grip around the organ that I was searching for, but I cocked my head to the side, knowing that I shouldn’t be able to do this.

“Huh,” I whispered, and instantly thought of Sam, the man sitting on the edge of the circle, waiting for the outcome, impatiently pacing because, no, Sam never actually stood still, and as I yanked my hand out from her skin, I looked down at the still pumping heart. Confused, I looked up at Danni, who seemed just as perplexed before I shivered, opened my fingers and dropped it solidly on the floor.

Doris stumbled, looking down at the same spot that the two of us had zoned in on, at the slowly pulsing thing that didn’t really belong outside the body, and her face took on this mortified expression. Danni moved over to stand next to me, my hand covered in the sticky and quickly drying blood as she wiped her blade against her leg and I swatted my hand on my jeans, trying to get it off. 

Doris misstepped and fumbled back until she hit the fire line, her body bursting into flames as the two of us looked on in a little bit of amusement. I reached up and scratched my ear but just as I turned to say something to my sister, I felt the gut punch of heat deep in my stomach.

Going down was hard, especially when I hit my knees but the feeling of my insides liquidating seemed to numb the rest of the pain. I placed a hand down on the concrete, braced myself for anything but the blood leaking from the corner of my mouth had me frantically wiping at my lips. It was then that it hit again, this time with the pain came the anger, the darkness and I reached for the blade only to have it kicked from my grasp.

“Sorry, Sis, I can’t let you do that.” I looked up at Danni, who stood tall, smiling down at me, her body just a beacon of light.

“So what, we kill the bad guy and now it’s one on one?” I laughed, pushing myself up to stand on weak legs, “you know you can’t take me, I’m stronger than you are.”

“I don’t have to be stronger, remember?” Danni smiled, “I just have to be smarter.”

She went for my legs, trying to sweep them out from under me but I side stepped just as fast as she moved. Yeah she didn’t have to be stronger, but I wasn’t really up to playing around either. I didn’t know what the hell she was trying to do, but the demon in me saw it as a sweet treat to fight an angel, so my body was ready for it.

I was so tired of the dance, so tired of the surefooted way that everything skirted around everything, even the punches didn’t really reach home, not with any certain power behind them. I wasn’t even sure if we were fighting each other or playing, but that was when I felt it, the pull of the tether, the sudden need.

“I can feel him, you know,” I whispered as she missed my chin with a very close swing. “Dean, I mean.”

“Yeah, you gonna do what granny says and take him for yourself?” She laughed like it was all a game.

“Don’t have too, he’s already mine.” I snickered. What the hell, were we really bantering back and forth over this.  “One little spell and he’s mine for life. But we can share Sammy.”

“You realize how wrong that sounds, don’t you?” She questioned, and suddenly the banter was done. She was right, what the hell was I even saying, and I stopped. I stopped dead and she swung, connecting her fist with my jaw. The world did flip flops and I found myself on my ass looking up at her. “You sharing Sam is about as ridiculous sounding as me sharing Dean, we are so not playing “let’s keep it in the family”.” 

“That sounds like an awesome game.” I whispered, but found myself clenching my teeth, wondering why the fire hadn’t died yet. “The magic is still going around the circle. Us being in it isn’t helping the spell to end.” 

“What do you expect me to do then?” She questioned, still looking down at me.

“What you have to in order to finish it,” I sighed softly and the two of us looked at the blade in her hand.

“You really think I’m going to use this on you?”

“Well, let’s see, angels are good, demons are evil,” I debated it for a moment and then took a breath, “I don’t see any other way out.”

“You know we tried this your way before and look how it ended up.” She shrugged, “stupidly, and with so much extra baggage. I mean hell, you even made me believe that you were insane. How is that healthy for our relationship?”

“Why are you still talking?” I groaned, “could you just get this done and over with.”

“Nope, not until you hear me out.” I rolled my eyes at her, but the more she talked the less the fire inside me burned.

“Fine, just get on with it.” I leaned back on my hands and raised a brow.

“I get you and Dean, okay, I really do, and I know that you’re going to need each other from time to time, and as much as it is a pain in my ass to see it, I’m okay with it, but you can’t monopolize him either.” I shook my head at this and blinked at her as if she had spoken some foreign language. “It took Cas explaining it to me to get me to see the bigger picture instead of just having to watched the two of you always take off after each other.”

“I’m glad he could explain it to you, because I still don’t get it.” I grumbled, but I watched her cross her arms, “sorry, go on.”

“When you go home, please take Sammy with you, don’t send him home with me and Dean, that would just kill him. Take him with you, plan some big wedding, have flowers and cake and do it right this time.” I raised a brow and nodded. “I’m so glad you’re trapped in a fire ring, it makes you so agreeable.”

“Screw off Danvers,” I huffed and shook my head. “Wedding, got it.”

“Okay, so let’s figure out how to get this damn fire out.” She griped and turned to look at the wall that was still standing.

I didn’t really think of it, of the actions that I did next but somehow I managed to get the blade back into my hands and as she turned her back to me, the fire inside flared up and I lunged at her. With just a twist of her arm, she turned around, caught my arm in a neat little hold and locked me down, her eyes blazing into mine.

“I knew you were going to try something stupid.” She smiled.

“Hello,” I snickered, “demon.”

“Yeah,” she grinned, “not so much!”

I watched her reach out, her arm locked onto mine and she placed her fingers against my forehead, letting the power flow from her. I don’t remember opening my mouth to scream, but I remember the sound as the light that flowed from her burned down towards the center of the heat that rose up to meet it. 

The battle inside me blasted through my body, the power surged outwards, extinguishing the flames but Danni didn’t let go, not until the darkness had been all but locked away and I felt my knees give out. Her hold on my arm held me up as I placed a hand on her shoulder, my eyes drifting closed until I felt arms around my waist.

“Hey there,” Dean’s gruff voice whispered in my ear as I felt back against him. “Just take it easy.”

“Smarter not stronger,” I smiled and shook my head. “Yeah, you definitely got me there.” 

“Hey, I had to outsmart you somehow, had to make it so you never saw it coming.” Danni smiled and I fought the darkness of unconsciousness.

“One point for you,” I smiled, “or two… I’ll tally it up later.”

Sam’s hands came up to my cheeks and I managed to look into his eyes as I smiled. 

“Hey beautiful,” he whispered as his hand moved down, smoothing over my skin.

“Hey gorgeous,” I replied just as softly, and my sight switched to the man who held me from behind. “Can we get the hell out of here?”

“Abso-freakin-lutely!” Dean agreed and released me as Sam scooped me up into his arms. 

I didn’t see much after that, as I felt myself tuck into the moose’s arms, because the blackness cascaded down on me and for the first time in months, there was no fear.


	44. Dark Hunters Remembrance Season Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter in book 3. No worries, 4 is in the works. Enjoy, leave a comment, let me know what you think.

**Chapter 44**

End Game

The ride to Ohio was uneventful, unlike the last few weeks, I think I slept more than I was awake, but Sam was beside me more than not and I was good with that. The energy that we had used was almost too much for me to handle, but the fact that the demon seemed to be locked down was always a good thing.

It didn’t do one thing though, it didn’t stop the dreams.

It was dark when I opened my eyes, and definitely wasn’t the car, in fact, I’m not sure where the hell I was, but I certainly wasn’t anywhere recognizable. The atmosphere was thick with the smell of sulfur, and ash seemed to fall from the sky, like a fine black snow. I reached out my hand from where I sat against a cold stone wall and let the small flakes fall into my palm.

“Where the hell am I?” Even at a whisper, my voice seemed to echo in the emptiness. 

Getting to my feet, I looked down and noticed the clothes that I was wearing, black work boots, which I never wear, dark blue jeans, and not my skinny ones that helped me move so freely either, a black t-shirt, black and white flannel and a dark canvas jacket. Jesus, I looked like Dean. Shaking my head, throwing the strange clothing aside as if what I wore really shouldn’t matter, I stepped out into the sunless world that surrounded me.

The sky was dark, clouded over where the sun not likely to shine through anytime soon, but it wasn’t night, that I could feel, and suddenly, I was lost. Wherever I was, this was unfamiliar territory. Patting myself down, I was surprised to find the Spectrum situated right where I needed her to be, at my side and the Walther was tucked nicely in the back of my jeans. Whatever was going on, I was completely prepared for it, or at least I thought.

Walking along the dusty ground, one filled with ash and old cars, or old cars that were left open and abandoned long enough to look like they were old, I let the pull that burned in me move me in the direction I needed to go. This was a small town, situated somewhere on the map that I had yet to find and no matter which way I turned, I couldn’t find my true north, didn’t have a way to get my own geographical location, not something that was usually a problem for me.

Just ahead, moving past the old buildings, ones that had been kept up to help attract tourists with the old time experience, was a small break in the ash, and the darkness of the two-story walls that had kept me disorientated. In the small open field sat a church, white with red trim, a steeple that rose above the pitched roof and stained glass window of the one story building. I glanced around, my back to the wooden slats of the last building before the field. There was nothing, no movement, no sound, except for one.

It was one that I was familiar with, one that I could almost pick out of a crowd and it had me moving, not running, but certainly cautiously walking faster, right towards that holy little place. I made it up the three stairs that came to the red, archway door and pressed my body against it, gun drawn and at the ready as I turned and peeked into the light glow of the room. The door was ajar, enough for me to slip my body through and as I passed through the hallway and into the nave of the church, not more than ten rows of pews graced each side but it wasn’t the setup that I was staring at. It was the man who battled against five others that caught my attention.   

He moved with the grace of a dancer, swift, timed and without faltering but as he brought that demon blade down into one of the closer bodies, I felt the shock of his anger. The demon seemed to burst into dust, exploding from every pore of the possessed body and my breath hitched at the pure ferociousness of it.

Stepping back, I watched as he did it again, danced and weave, calculate and thrust and before I knew it, all of them were down, and he was left standing. I knew that back, I knew the heave of those shoulders, the way the muscles moved as his arms tensed. I knew everything about him, and I breathed out just a little too hard.

He turned, the knife sailing and it listened to it hit the wood beside my head, the blade vibrating back and forth as it stuck out by the tip. Pressed against it, my gaze went to the demon blade, eyes wide with the knowledge that a little to the right and I would have lost an eye, but as my eyes were diverted, I never saw the man come up at me, until his hands were under my arms and I was lifted from the ground.

A growl escaped from him, bringing my full attention back to his face and Dean’s black eyes.

~~~~~

I breathed deep, although the atmosphere was nearly toxic with the ash, but his eyes had me locked in place. He was him, exactly as I knew him, black t-shirt, maroon overshirt, blue jeans and those damn boots but his eyes… they were as black as night, and the grin that moved up on his face as anything but pleasant.

“Ali,” he whispered, not as if he recognized me, but as if he knew I would come, and he blinked, just did a long drawn out blank before he  _ hmmphed _ and let me down. His hands slid away, touching whatever part of me he could before he reached up and yanked the blade from the wall. I watched him turn, wipe the blade on his pants, before stashing it away and heading for the bodies. “Still trying to save me?”

“You don’t look like you want to be saved,” I replied, not moving from the wall as I watched him lean down and take something off the hand of every body in that place. “In fact, you look like you’re enjoying yourself a little too much.”

Dean glanced over his shoulder, the grin curled up on his lips as he looked me over before giving just a bit of a shrug. “Always the observant one.”

Oh, snarkiness, that gave me some relief. Wherever the hell I was, and I say  _ where _ because I knew I wasn’t dreaming, at least Dean still had the same attitude. Apparently, I dared to move because I was slowly making my way towards him, eyes going over my surroundings in case of a sneak attack, but he still sat crouched there as I approached.

I reached out a hand, not more than a foot from Dean because I was a glutton for punishment, and I really needed to see those eyes again. Deadly demon eyes without the gray face behind it, without the way  _ I _ saw demons, and the feeling along the tether seemed to shake me.

He turned just as swiftly as before, grasped my wrist in his hand, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close, those dark eyes burrowing into me. He did the strangest thing as he smiled, he moved down, closed his eyes, and placed his face against my cheek as his warm breath gently passed over my neck and he breathed in deeply.

I felt his chest expand, heard him hum before he moved and rested his stubbled jaw against me, his breath in my ear as his lips came close enough that I could feel the smile.

“You’re not my Ali, you don’t smell righteous and clean,” his deep voice dropped an octave, filled with lust and darkness, “no, you’re not mine, but… mine at the same time. I can feel you, the way your heart beats, everything that sings through you. You’re just as much damned as I am.”

“Dean,” I tried to move away, shifted in his arms and the lock on my wrist only tightened.

“Shh,” he breathed, “ut-uh, no getting away, angel, I’m way to curious now.” The hand around my waist moved, his fingers widened to cover more area, and he moved lower, grasping the gun from its hiding spot before discarding it on the floor and placing his hand right back to where it would press me closer to him. “Who are you?”

“Ali,” I explained, what other way could I say it, “and I don’t think I’m dreaming.”

“No,” he sighed, taking in a breath again as his lips traveled along my cheekbone, “no, you’re not.”

With a jolt, I sat up the best I could in the car, Sam’s hand gently on mine as I looked frantically around. I swallowed hard and looked at the face of the man beside me. Sam was definitely concerned but he didn’t say anything until I situated myself and blinked back the need to get out and run.

“Ali?” I blinked at him, and cleared my head, “it was just a dream.”

“Yeah,” I said softly, trying to clear the fog, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it so wasn’t. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “I’m okay, Sam,” I even tried to fake a smile, but he saw through it, his fingers gently caressing my cheek. “I just need to make a pitstop.”

Pulling the car into the nearest gas station, he turned in the seat and brushed my hair behind my ear, the worried look still etched on his face, but he nodded and kissed my forehead before I grabbed my bag, from the backseat and headed for the bathroom. 

I know I had thought about it before, how easy it was to live out of just one bag of clothing, slipping on whatever happened to be clean that day, or at least not completely covered in obvious blood, but as I stepped into the bathroom, I slowly closed the door and turned my back on the mirror, my hands holding onto the cold porcelain of the sink.

_ Cas, _ I let my mind whisper as my lips began to tremble and the fear built up in me.  _ Cas, please, I need you. _

His entrance was silent, even the sound of his wings never punctured the air, but the instant his eyes were on me, his hands were pulling me close, wrapping me in his warmth. He knew Sam was right outside in the car but I couldn’t speak out loud as I shook in his arms, his mind tingled against mine.

_ What is it? What’s wrong? _ I drew in the best I could and stepped back from him, reached over and turned on the faucet. 

_ I had a dream.  _ I sent out, though I hadn’t looked at him yet.

_ From my experience, it’s not unusual for humans to dream when they hit a specific cycle while sleeping.  _  He replied confused but when I looked up at him, acknowledgement slowly shifted across his face. 

_ It wasn’t a dream, Cas, it was… real, so completely real. _ I grabbed his hand and placed it on my cheek, waiting for him to get the picture and with an exasperated breath, he locked his jaw and closed his eyes. I felt him there, hovering just on the edge of my mind as he picked up everything I remembered and suddenly he was backing away.  _ I told you, Cas, not a dream. _

_ Dean is at the Roadhouse with Danni, he’s safe, so is she. _ Knowing about both of them gave me some relief but I saw something in his eyes that made me question everything.  _ I think this dream maybe something else, but there isn’t anything I can go on unless I explore it more. May I use what you’ve shown me? _

_ To what?  _ I questioned, probably snapped was more like it but he didn’t even flinch at it.

_ There is someone I can consult about situations like this, but I need your permission to discuss it. _ I nodded, agreeing with him without speaking and watched as his lips thinned before he took a deep breath.  _ Get back on the road as soon as possible, I don’t believe the four of you should be separated at this point, not with what you saw, at least not for now. _

Again, I nodded and felt him pop out of the room. I closed my eyes, ran my hands over my face and proceeded to undress and shower. At least there were breaths between God only knows what happened in June and now but this, picking up as soon as we were done one fight, yeah our lives were going to love this.

~~~~~

Sam smiled at me as I slipped in, refreshed and in a new set of clothes. I leaned over the seat and kissed him softly.

“Thank you,” I sighed and let my thumb glide over his lips.

“You don’t have to thank me, Ali, I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Sam, with everything you’ve been through because of me,” I smiled and took a breath, “I think I do.”

“Come on, let’s get on the road,” he whispered, his lips brushing along mine as he pulled me closer. “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get a room.”

“You were always the smart one, so let’s go, cause I’m kinda liking your idea,” I laughed as I sat back in my seat. Sam winked, put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking spot, but my smile faded quickly as I thought of Dean and the way that he touched me in the dream. What did he say to me? I didn’t smell righteous and clean? “What the hell is going on?”

“Al?” Sam’s voice broke me out of my haze.

“Hmm,” I sighed and grabbed for the blanket again, my body yelling at me to sleep. “Sorry, Sam, I’m just so worn down.”

“It’s okay,” his hand rested on my leg, “get some sleep.”

I nodded, closed my eyes and waited for the darkness to take over, but all I got was images of the barren wasteland that was in my dream, the blood-soaked stench of the church and the sulfur-fumed scene of the demons dead on the floor.

~~~~~

I sat up quickly again, this time watching the Roadhouse pull into the view and slowly Sam parked, turning off the engine as he looked over me quietly. I blinked back the sleep and finally looked him over, feeling just this side of uncertain as he slipped out and rounded the car to open my door.

I suddenly felt as if I didn’t belong, as if I were a stranger in a show that I wasn’t quite connected to anymore, but I moved with him, into the darkness of the bar, with it’s cool, brown colors and glasses full of amber liquids.

No, something about this threw me off and I didn’t know what it was. Sitting around the table, I had Dean on one side of me and Sam on the other, Danni across from me with Christian and Jo, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything, missed half of the conversations going on around me, nothing except the brush of Dean’s hand against my leg, something that was meant to be reassuring and the familiar scent of Sam seemed to keep me grounded, at least long enough to get past dinner.

I slipped outside, needing to remove myself from the smell of stale beer and Winchesters, but just like every other time, the door slammed closed not more than five minutes later and the familiar sound of boots hitting the gravel filled my ears.

I smiled as Dean slipped into place beside me along the back of Baby and he crossed his arms.

“Sam said you had a hard time on the ride up,” he sighed. “Bad dreams or something.”

“Or something,” I replied quietly and suddenly felt his hand at the back of my neck, digging under my hair with the need to touch. “Yeah, I saw something, it was real and kind of terrifying but I know it was just a dream,” I shrugged, inching closer to his body so that I could lean in against his side. “I’m leaving tomorrow, heading home. The kids will be back from their vacation and I have to be home to get stuff straightened out.”

“I know,” he whispered, his lips coming down on the top of my head. “Cas told me he was already popping in there to make things a little easier to explain.”

“He’ll stick around for however long I need.” I took in a deep breath, drawing in the scent of the man beside me, everything that made him Dean. 

“You know we’ll be just a phone call away, right?” He whispered and I could hear the worry in his voice.

“Yeah, I know that too,” I looked up at him and decided to be bold. Since he was already looking down at me, it didn’t take much to go up on my tiptoes and nullify the distance, kissing him quickly on the lips. Dean was a bit shocked for only a second before a smile lifted the corner of his mouth and he watched as I turned my gaze back to the road. “You’re not going to lose me, Dean, not again.”

“We keep telling each other that, but somehow…” he paused, “promise me this, Porter, promise me that even if you and I aren’t connected that you won’t leave Danni hanging.”

“I would never leave her alone, Dean, just like you and Sam, we’re family.” I stepped out of his grasp and turned to look at him. “I told you, you’re not going to lose me, and I mean it. This… whatever is between us, it kind of makes it hard to ignore you, but I wouldn’t just give up on you for it. We’ll figure it out, just don’t plan your life around it, you have Danni, as you should and Sam,” I paused for a moment and rubbed my head, “I have Sam, as much as I can have him. You know he’s not going to give it up.”

“Yeah, and neither are you,” Dean took a deep breath, “keep him in line when he’s with you, I’ll keep him straight when he’s with me.”

“Agreed.” I smiled and watched his arm snake out, grab ahold of my arm and let him pull me in to wrap his arms around me. “Don’t disappear, Dean.”

“On you? Never,” he whispered as he placed his cheek against my head.

~~~~~

Danni was sitting outside the motel rooms on the trunk of the Mustang when I finally was able to sneak out, Sam sound asleep on the bed. I pulled my coat tighter and hopped up on the bumper, making sure that there was nothing in my pockets that could scratch the paint.

“So, we’re doing it again,” I shrugged and looked up at the stars that filled the sky.

“Yep, but at least this time, you’re not in a coma, and I know exactly what’s going on.” Danni stated sarcastically. “Are you sure that you don’t want to have Sam drive you home?”

“Nah, last time that happened, I sent him back to you anyway.” I smiled and looked over at her. 

“You going to be okay?” Danni worried about me, that made me smile because she was ever the big sister and I nodded.

“I’ll be good, Cas will be with me for a little while, then Sam whenever he gets settled into whatever routine we come up with.” I smiled but I looked at her and raised a brow. “Cake and flowers, huh, that’s a thing for you? Some GQ wedding?”

“I thought it might be your thing,” she laughed.

I shook my head, breathed in the cool night air and looked down at my hands. “Nah, not for me, not for him.”

“You know this for a fact?”

“Apple pie life with me and my kids?” I sighed, clearing my throat. “I love Sam, I would give anything to take him home and make him just mine, but you know that isn’t going to happen, not with you and Dean out there fighting the good fight.” I looked into her blue eyes and shrugged, “besides, you know I can’t stay out of a mess, and I’d be right there beside you if I could.”

“I know.” she whispered and reached out placing her hand on my wrist. “We’ll all get through this, because we have each other this time.”

“Right,” I tried my best to smile, but the dreams, the sight of Dean as a demon was still etched in my vision and I just kept nodding. “I’m going to head back to bed.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want that big lug to think you had run away again.” Danni smiled at me, and we both turned to look as her room door opened and Dean leaned against the sill. “Looks like I have someone I need to check in with too.”

“Yeah,” I smiled, hopping down, “you have fun with that.” 

Winking at Dean, I moved back to my room and slowly closed the door, the feeling of dread only made me shiver.

~~~~~

The night turned into morning, slowly the sun rose, and with it, so did I. Anxiety filled me as Sam helped me bring bags to the back of the car, his eyes always on me, his hands touching every chance he got and slowly, as the time drew near, so did he, until he cornered me in the room.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Sam placed his hands on my thighs and slowly knelt down before me. He slipped a silver ring over my thumb, laughing to himself as he did so.

“I thought I had the right size, but I guess the place screwed up, it seems to fit fine on this one though,” he laughed as he twirled it against my skin. “It’s not what I wanted, Al, not the ring you deserve.”

“I can feel the etching inside, what does it say?” I whispered, as I leaned my forehead against his, both of us looking at the small silver band.

“All my love,” he whispered, “Sam.”

“Then it’s perfect.” I replied, and he raised his eyes to look at me. “I don’t need something sparkly and big, in fact, I don’t need anything at all, just the man who comes with the promise. Besides, since it fits there, it won’t get in the way of me pulling a gun.”

“Right, practical applications.” Sam grinned, brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. “I want to go with  you.”

“I know, but you can’t, not yet.” I sighed, “we talked about this last night, Sam, this is what we need to do, and you know where I am.”

“Every chance I get I will be banging on your door, don’t forget that.” He breathed as his fingers rested against my jaw and he tilted my head to meet his lips, “every chance.”

“God, I hope so.” I smiled as he kissed me, passionately.

~~~~~

I looked at them all, Danni, Dean, Jo, Christian and lastly, Sam, and my heart nearly broke as I drove away. It had been the longest of goodbyes and the worst but I couldn’t stay, not any longer. I found my way past the Waffle House in London, pulled into the gas station next to the motel where Sam had come crashing through my window and I held my breath as I pumped the gas into the GTO.

A hand fell on my shoulder, and I blinked away the tears as Cas stepped up beside me. Clicking on the trigger, I turned and buried my face into his shirt, his arms wrapped around me. His lips pressed on my head as the pump switched off and slowly he let me go. I watched him look around, take in the scenery and quietly move to the passenger’s side. 

Replacing the pump, I screwed on the gas cap, took one last look around and slipped in behind the wheel. With the angel beside me, I cranked her over and turned the car to head east against the rising sun.

Homeward bound.

Eleven hours on the road with just the vibration under the roll of the wheels, the sound of music on the radio, Cas quiet in the seat beside me and the words that repeated over again in my head. They told me absolutely everything and said nothing at the same time, even as I spun the silver ring on my thumb, the one with those very words engraved on the inside.

They burned into my skin as they were forever locked in my mind, but I couldn’t smile, I couldn’t bring myself to commit them to heart, not with the loss I felt being so far away from him, from them, already. I blinked back the tears, in the light of the sun. 

They were there, they would never leave me but the heartbreak still felt the same as those four words echoed with every beat of my heart.

All my love… Sam.

~~~~~~

HOME!

Greeted by three kids and a few cats had never felt better, but it was the knowing smile that Cas gave me as we stepped inside that made me shake my head when my “toys” had all been replaced. Evidence of Sam and Dean on the show was now where it was supposed to be on my shelves. My journals had all been replaced and it seemed that life had returned to normal. 

Cas stayed for a while, slowly turning our  _ romance _ into friendship as the conversations about Sam and who he was started to become more frequent. Nick got it, he always did and for that I was thankful, but Cas would always be part of Joseph and Ari, that would never change, so Cas agreed to stay close and that in itself was a blessing, especially the first time the phone rang and Jones uttered those famous words.

“I’ve got a case.” 

Life was back to normal.

~~~~~~

The phone rang, sometime in mid-December and I slowly picked up the line… Sam turned on the bed beside me and groaned.

“Danni?” I questioned, not having to even look at the caller ID.

“Ali, we have a problem.” Her voice was shaky and that alone had me sitting up in bed.

“What’s going on?” Sam questioned, stirring beside me.

“Danni, talk to me.” I begged as I placed a hand on Sam’s arm.

“Dean’s gone,” Danni whispered, “and I haven’t been able to reach him in a few days.”

**To be continued….**

  
  
  



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